https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/giving-yourself-permission-to-fashion Style Advice for Fashion Lovers en-US Fri, 24 Apr 2026 00:13:14 +0000 http://bbpress.org/?v=1.0.2 q https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/search.php https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/giving-yourself-permission-to-fashion#post-1259788 Sat, 24 May 2014 02:31:15 +0000 ManidipaM 1259788@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ <p>Aida, I get where you are coming from. I am in a drier climate these days in Northern India but my base in the East is proper tropical jungle climes. So even staying home calls for gear. Central air conditioning is NOT a thing in homes here. So popping upstairs to do the laundry and then going down to get the newspaper is enough to leave me dripping wet there, like I would be after an actual outdoor activity here... Meaning as Beth Ann has pointed out in the past, sometimes I actually need tech fabrics to be comfy. It's a good thing sports brands are increasingly doing more fashion-y stuff that doesn't involve racing stripes and such. Though yes, still a challenge if I want to wear a woven garment say, because there is linen... And then zip. And shoes. Tough shoes please where there are snakes in the driveway, thankyouverymuch... And that can mean crocs in the house. Ha! </p> https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/giving-yourself-permission-to-fashion#post-1259498 Fri, 23 May 2014 19:42:44 +0000 Aida 1259498@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ <p>Yes Mani that is definitely right. Previous casual stuff was the very basic low budget stuff. Results? I didn't want to wear it! So this time around I am buying things in breathable fabrics that have some interesting design details, and at a lower-end but not the lowest-end so that when they get scuffed up (which they will) I won't feel as bad about replacing them.&nbsp;I like the idea of "coffee shop casuals", that's wonderful imagery! I can see where you are headed with that, I like it. The casual stuff I'm talking about getting for myself is a step lower, partially gear really; primarily for outdoor active&nbsp;things that <i>also</i> include stops to restaurants etc along the way. A tough mix! </p> https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/giving-yourself-permission-to-fashion#post-1259248 Fri, 23 May 2014 14:41:27 +0000 Suz 1259248@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ <p>I am late to this thread, but thank you for the shout out, Moni! I am glad if my words resonated and have helped you to feel better in your at home wear. I couldn't agree more that you look amazing in white and light colours, and in your hot seasons, how much fresher -- even if you do need to guard against toddler fingers and spills. My solution to that problem is to buy almost all my light colours in supremely washable fabrics like cotton or linen. I do have one or two silk tops in white or ivory but those I do tend to reserve for going out or at least for times when I'm not cooking.&nbsp;</p> <p>So glad you are giving yourself permission to look great. It is very hard for women, especially MOTG, to allow ourselves that "luxury" -- but it is one that pays off in greater self-respect and self-worth.&nbsp;</p> <p>My "permissions" have been many since joining YLF:&nbsp;</p> <ul> <li>Allowing myself to own more than one or two pairs of shoes per season (gasp!) and to update with a new style each year even if that means passing along a pair from the previous year (usually necessary anyway, due to wear!)</li> <li>Allowing myself to look at higher end clothes and buy things not on sale if I have been PPP.&nbsp;</li> <li>Stopping my thrift and consignment shopping (to all intents and purposes -- I might still stop in the consignment place once or twice&nbsp;a year or so.)&nbsp;</li> <li>Upgrading gear and PJs on a regular basis. Ditto for undergarments.&nbsp;</li> <li>Allowing myself more knits in winter. My winters are long. And yes, knits wear quickly and this means closet churn because you can't get buy with the same ones forever. But they are the most comfortable option for working at home.&nbsp;</li> <li>"Dressing up" more than the norm for our town when going out with Mr. Suz or friends.&nbsp;</li> </ul> https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/giving-yourself-permission-to-fashion#post-1258916 Fri, 23 May 2014 04:38:45 +0000 Jeanie 1258916@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ <p>Great topic! &nbsp;I've given myself permission to role up my pants and buy better lounge wear.&nbsp; I had given up on clothes except my loungewear until I starting reading this site. &nbsp;I wasn't even wearing jeans because I hadn't been out shopping to know that there are jeans that are actually comfortable. &nbsp;I didn't know about sizing up. &nbsp;Now I have jeans for around the house and I roll them up for that little feeling that you are fly (even though no one sees you). &nbsp;I bought better lounge wear since I am committed to an active lifestyle but don't want to look too frumpy. &nbsp;I also give my self permission to dress up a bit when I go run errands. &nbsp;I remember my grandma did the same. &nbsp;She would clean the house all day and then get totally decked out to go to the bank and the grocery. &nbsp; </p> https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/giving-yourself-permission-to-fashion#post-1258886 Fri, 23 May 2014 03:31:51 +0000 ManidipaM 1258886@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ <p>E, may I say EXCELLLENT idea to giving yourself permission to not have all the answers? I share many of your ethical dilemmas.</p> <p>Gigi, what a wise post! </p> https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/giving-yourself-permission-to-fashion#post-1258883 Fri, 23 May 2014 03:27:58 +0000 ManidipaM 1258883@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ <p>interesting replies, as expected! </p> <p>shedev is so right. letting the good stuff that is no good for ME go is heart wrenching. but like hanging on to the boyfriend who is sweet but not for you... does no one any favours.</p> <p>Mo, high five on acquiring better home clothes by simply buying better and then demoting! trying for the same.strategy and banning the really tatty stuff outright.</p> <p>Vivian, been there. I used to feel out of place in my good stuff because they were often very dressy and formal... for professional or formal situations. so when I concentrated on upgrading my at-home casuals just a notch, things fell into place. so still jeans or cotton pants and a tshirt. but now the tee is a knit top in a drapey shape or a fashionable sweatshirt or patterned or swingy tank. and the jeans are nice, not the best bargain I could find for my hiney. and the shoes are not plasticky or rubbery...</p> <p>I found once i had a few smarter casuals, I could also use them to dress down the good stuff languishing. so the silk shell bought as eveningwear goes to tea with jeans.</p> <p>Aida, you have the opposite of my problem and are much more polished. but would it help to approach my strategy from the other end? like I was telling Vivian, I basically now shop for what I call 'coffee-shop casuals' rather than v basic. thus means better quality and design interest and a better budget, so for me fewer things, but I am finding that contrary to my fears they are holding up better.</p> <p>Tracey and FindingMyWay, yes!!</p> <p>Joy, very astute! I am trying to battle that first-season sitter mentality too.</p> <p>celia, rachy, nodding at you both.</p> <p>Anne, what a thought-provoking story. I am an only child but my hubby was the younger of his sibs. to this day he resents the hand-me-downs and opposes anything secondhand. my dad was a sensitive boy and oldest of his sibs... he does the same, though with the added twist that he is protective of others wearing 'his' stuff too. it has taught me to watch my own hang-ups and habits around the kids. </p> <p>always trying... it is sound strategy. much to be said for the wearing of the second-best dress for everyday but not quite the v best.</p> <p>aubergine, I will join you in guilt!</p> <p>neel, so freeing, non? </p> https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/giving-yourself-permission-to-fashion#post-1258879 Fri, 23 May 2014 03:24:47 +0000 Gigi 1258879@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ <p><b>Vivian,&nbsp;</b>I think it would be great if you could give yourself permission to dress up! I am going to be going out with a friend next month who has only seen me in casual clothes to date, and I plan to dress up. I'm just going to tell her that I've learned that I really like dressing up in general and that she will probably be surprised when she sees me! Maybe you could say something similar to your friends so that they understand it's just a personal preference of yours.</p> <p>Besides giving myself permission to dress up just for the heck of it, I have also given myself permission to buy more-expensive items if I think they will have high happiness factors; to buy items that I am attracted to even though &nbsp;they might be considered strange by people who know me (I can wear them at times when I am not with these people); to buy items at full price if I really want them;&nbsp;to make mistakes; to try new things that I would have balked at before; to dress in a way that might actually draw attention to me and not make me blend in; and&nbsp;to keep looking for a particular type of item and not settle if I really don't think it's what I truly want, even if the SA pressures me.</p> <p>I do still sometimes feel guilty about spending more than a "bargain" price for things, but I am a size that is hard to fit, so it's not like I can just look elsewhere and find the same thing. And I sometimes feel guilty about settling, but again, I have many, many fewer options than most people, due to sizing issues. I just try to remind myself that I am human, and I make mistakes—everyone does! It's part of learning about who I am, so even the mistakes are valuable. </p> <p></p> <p>ETA: Mani, I completely agree about dressing up when staying at home! I work at home and don't get out much due to health issues. I find that when I dress "smart casual" at home, I feel so much better about myself!</p> https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/giving-yourself-permission-to-fashion#post-1258812 Fri, 23 May 2014 02:14:31 +0000 E 1258812@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ <p>Good for you Mandipa! :)</p> <p>In 2011 I gave myself permission to get dressed as if I was leaving the house, even though most days I don't, and I haven't looked back! Last year I was finally in a position to&nbsp;spend serious money (to me, around $150/pair)&nbsp;on comfy, high quality, ethically made&nbsp;shoes, and I haven't regretted that either.</p> <p>This year I'm trying to figure out my ideal closet size, from both a personal style and ethical world view stand point. The problem is, I love having the same silhouette in lots of texture/fabric, colour, and pattern&nbsp;options!&nbsp;But of course, the more items I have in each category, the fewer times each can be worn (although that does mean they last longer, which I like, as my style preferences seem fairly fixed). And while I buy my clothes secondhand, thus avoiding many of my ethical/environmental issues, it's still consumption. If I start making my clothes instead via knitting &amp; sewing, that requires a much bigger budget&nbsp;and the hunt for ethical retail sources of yarn/fabric. So for now, I'm giving myself permission to not have all of the answers. </p> https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/giving-yourself-permission-to-fashion#post-1258550 Thu, 22 May 2014 22:02:10 +0000 Vivian 1258550@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ <p>Wow, was this post made for me. I am always so afraid I might make my friends feel bad if I wear my good stuff when we go out........so I end up wearing out my boring everyday clothes while my fashionable good stuff sits in my closet for out of town trips. Thanks everyone, certainly gives me lots to think about. </p> https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/giving-yourself-permission-to-fashion#post-1258546 Thu, 22 May 2014 21:57:04 +0000 TraceyLiz65 1258546@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ <p>I think this is an epic problem among stay at home mothers. who forget themselves and concentrate on everyone else,.... I so want to scream from the rooftops to younger women to NEVER take themselves off the list. &nbsp;<br />Such a fabulous twist and so happy for you!&nbsp;</p> https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/giving-yourself-permission-to-fashion#post-1258538 Thu, 22 May 2014 21:49:29 +0000 Aida 1258538@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ <p>Great post and very interesting to read the responses! I'm glad you're doing that for yourself, Mani. You may not end up spontaneously going out much now, but I wouldn't be surprised if opportunities started popping up.</p> <p>For me, this year it's the opposite: Making myself buy the really casual stuff, because I need to wear it 2-3 times a week and there are <i>huge </i>gaps in that part of my wardrobe. Part of why I hadn't been is that I really only need that capsule for "warm weather" which is a short period where I live. But when I looked closer, I really need it for&nbsp;spring/summer/early fall which takes up about 8 months! I don't enjoy buying that stuff as much, it's less fun and pretty and fashiony, but it's a very real need and it's making me feel much worse <i>not</i> to have those items, you know?</p> <p>Also taking&nbsp;steps towards better undergarments, another thing which I don't enjoy shopping for. Still haven't gone in for a proper bra&nbsp;fitting (I should probably just&nbsp;go see&nbsp;Angie's Nordies fitter and be done with it &gt;&lt;), but at least I recently&nbsp;bought two that are much closer to the right size. Baby steps!</p> <p>And lastly, trying to be better about purging those things that don't fit right any more, which is unfortunately quite a lot but at least oversized is in so I don't have to drop $$$$ all at once.&nbsp;I'm not a good purger to begin with, but it's also been extra tough because most of those things are basics which need replacing in the <i>right</i> size which eats into my "fun stuff" budget But I need to give myself permission to spend on new items that will, truly, help me feel my best instead of feeling bad about donating perfectly good but ill fitting items.</p> https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/giving-yourself-permission-to-fashion#post-1258367 Thu, 22 May 2014 17:47:29 +0000 FindingMyWay 1258367@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ <p>Perfect timing on this post! Just this morning, I grabbed a "special/good" shirt out of the closet to wear simply because I like it, not because I have an appointment or dinner out. Six months ago, before I started reading YLF regularly, I wouldn't have done that. I've come to realize that dressing better, even though I work at home, makes me feel better about myself and is a symbol of valuing myself. Now, it isn't a matter of "giving myself permission" to wear my good clothing or feeling guilty for dressing in something that cost a little extra. Dressing a little better is a daily way of taking care of myself, and not focusing entirely on my son and husband.</p> <p> </p> https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/giving-yourself-permission-to-fashion#post-1258338 Thu, 22 May 2014 17:16:05 +0000 Angie 1258338@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ <p>Wardrobe items are ALWAYS there for us - and not the other way around.&nbsp; </p> https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/giving-yourself-permission-to-fashion#post-1258328 Thu, 22 May 2014 17:11:00 +0000 Mo 1258328@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ <p>I'll add to Shedev's purging the expensive mistakes. &nbsp;Also, as I find I'm 'permitting' myself to wear nicer things, the demoted items of yesteryear are becoming my new at home wear items. &nbsp;So, what&nbsp;<i>was</i> going out in the world wear last year is now at home wear this year. &nbsp;Automatically upping my at home capsule. &nbsp;Sweet! </p> https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/giving-yourself-permission-to-fashion#post-1258229 Thu, 22 May 2014 15:02:51 +0000 Anonymous 1258229@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ <p>Since YLF I've added to my footwear and bags without guilt, thinking of them now as part of an outfit. I'm also at the place where I want to spend more, if necessary for better quality.<br /> I recently noticed that the first season that something is in my closet, it tends to be saved unless bought for everyday wear. The second season it gets worn and enjoyed. By the third season I'm often tiring of something about it, although not always, and it gets worn mostly for casual wear. I hope to find more of those pieces that I don't tire of. </p> https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/giving-yourself-permission-to-fashion#post-1258226 Thu, 22 May 2014 15:00:00 +0000 LACeleste 1258226@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ <p>Enjoyed this post Mani! &nbsp;Nodding my head in agreement! </p> https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/giving-yourself-permission-to-fashion#post-1258224 Thu, 22 May 2014 14:55:19 +0000 celia 1258224@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ <p>What great post Manidipa and I so resonate with it. The same happened to me when I stayed home with DD. It was( and still is an ongoing) slow process but taking the guilt out of dressing has many rewards. Our happiness with our self-image for instance, the opening of possibilities for the future or even just for the end of the day.<br />You actually made me think of clothes of a way to signal progress. Very interesting. </p> https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/giving-yourself-permission-to-fashion#post-1258220 Thu, 22 May 2014 14:45:00 +0000 shedev 1258220@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ <p>Mine was to purge my expensive mistakes. Also to buy less better quality clothes. </p> https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/giving-yourself-permission-to-fashion#post-1258202 Thu, 22 May 2014 14:17:53 +0000 always trying 1258202@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ <p>Since I have been on this forum I too have started wearing my good stuff more.&nbsp; I am even wearing my better jeans and t's to agility classes instead of just keeping them for trials.&nbsp; I do, however, still keep my "best" jeans, and a couple of my other "best' for special occasions.&nbsp; I am afraid to over wear them or wash them too many times, as I have this thing about not being able to find the right replacements for them if they get shabby. </p> https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/giving-yourself-permission-to-fashion#post-1258201 Thu, 22 May 2014 14:16:15 +0000 rachylou 1258201@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ <p>I'm trying to let go of the nice stuff - when it's too old or not my style... It's hard, tho! </p> https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/giving-yourself-permission-to-fashion#post-1258177 Thu, 22 May 2014 13:51:50 +0000 jackiec 1258177@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ <p>Great thread! I too am trying to wear the "good stuff" more often. I need to work on the wearing white thing too! I have quite a bit, and find myself saving it. Not just to keep it clean, but I've finally realized that wearing white feels very dramatic for me and often I feel more like blending into the background. Too many times I've put something on, then changed back into my regular jeans because I don't want people to think I'm trying too hard. Slowly breaking out of that mentality </p> https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/giving-yourself-permission-to-fashion#post-1258174 Thu, 22 May 2014 13:49:29 +0000 anne 1258174@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ <p>Well I realised I have just lost a post here, and looking at your it didn't quite answer your question, since it isn't really relate to fashion, but anyway, here goes.</p> <p>I told DD3 (age 6) tonight that I would take her shopping on Saturday for new PJ's, new tracksuit pants and (at her request) new white socks for school (lots of lost sock angst in out house. Her eyes lit up. As the youngest she doesn't get many new clothes - though none of them get many. I have never bought her a PJS and no (non school) tracksuit pants since she was 2</p> <p>I feel conflicted about this and have had to override the voice in my head that this feels extravagent and spoiling her,&nbsp; that she already has 2 pairs (one gift and one handed down - but she still feels she runs out) and that it may be a waste of money because her grandma may give her some (which she likes to do, but I don't know the timing of her generosity!)</p> <p>Although we are on a tightish budget we can actually afford this, and it will be our special time for the week together. </p> https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/giving-yourself-permission-to-fashion#post-1258145 Thu, 22 May 2014 13:19:20 +0000 Mona 1258145@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ <p>Great post, Mani. I have always loved white and bright colours but did not know how to wear them as every body around me wears black, black and more black even in spring and summer. I have given myself permission to be more adventurous with my clothing and do not care to fit in much with the crowd. </p> https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/giving-yourself-permission-to-fashion#post-1258134 Thu, 22 May 2014 12:58:49 +0000 Anonymous 1258134@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ <p>Hmmmm. I'm not sure I've actively thought of it as "giving myself permission," but I've definitely let myself get more comfortable with things like looking for/buying clothing at higher price points if they seem like what I really want. Also,&nbsp;getting rid of perfectly acceptable clothes in good condition if I'm not wearing them, rather than having them sit there making me feel guilty, then trying to&nbsp;wear them every so often just to justify them. I do also sometimes feel guilty about getting rid of perfectly good&nbsp;things (and about buying more expensive things), but then I feel guilty sometimes about <i>everything </i>(Jewish, it's unavoidable!), so that's just par for the course.</p> <p>I'm also kind of&nbsp;trying to wear light colors sometimes. Even went out and bought a cream top, then got chocolate on it during lunch the first day I wore it. Maybe I just need to save light colors for times when I'm not going to be eating at all?</p> </p> https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/giving-yourself-permission-to-fashion#post-1258133 Thu, 22 May 2014 12:58:05 +0000 Anonymous 1258133@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ <p>I could have written this, you read my mind :)&nbsp;I've given myself permission to dress up more. I've done it a fair bit this last fortnight in fact, after I came out of a stressful work period and boy does it make me feel better. I've also stopped worrying about the expensive mistake that might be lurking in my closet and given myself permission to&nbsp;purge it.</p> <p>Good for you for doing what you're doing!</p> https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/giving-yourself-permission-to-fashion#post-1258129 Thu, 22 May 2014 12:52:37 +0000 Neel 1258129@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ <p>As a SAHM, I soooooo relate to your post Mani!!! And thank you for posting this. Reading it is liberating by itself.</p> <p>I have given myself permission to buy good lounge wear :). Because I spend a hell lot of time in it. My out going clothes are just that but that does not mean I can't wear good stuff at home :).</p> <p>And I think I am making good progress. When DH said *Let's take a drive to do so and so* without warning this morning, I just threw on my denim jacket over my *lounge wear* and changed my crocs to loafers and I was ready to hit the road. DH had to do a double take Score! </p> https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/giving-yourself-permission-to-fashion#post-1258113 Thu, 22 May 2014 12:17:30 +0000 ManidipaM 1258113@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ <p>When I first delurked here, my biggest challenge was actually wearing my 'nice' clothes! You guessed it--the stuff in nice colours and cool fabrics and a decent fit languished for when I was ready to be going out or travel, and I wore the cheap misfits around the house. Which was 98% of my life. Add that I was actively choosing things I could disappear in a lot of the time for going out and then demoting them to play when I actually craved colours, even just denim indigos... And ugh! Not a high point in my life appearance wise.</p> <p>Until I gave myself permission to wear the hoarded good clothes.</p> <p>This summer has seen a very permissive one for me. I allowed myself to...<br /> - Wear the good shoes too.<br /> - BUY actual good shoes even though I no longer work at the office and once upon a time would make do with cheap and imperfect sandals.<br /> - Wear white, lots! So freeing--thank you for harping on about this, Angie! And the brilliantly practical tip to use an apron if getting messy (::cough:: at mealtimes with toddlers ::cough::)<br /> - Dress up. As though I might pop out any minute to a movie or for coffee with a friend. I never do. But thinking of the possibility being, well, possible is very good for boosting poor self esteem I find. I owe Suz for the inspiration on this one, as fellow worker-from-home. Now, I am not dressy... It is all still very casual. But it is decent fabrics and no stains and safety pins.<br /> - PURGE the pretty stuff that is good and was pricey but does not and may NEVER fit...or it may, if and when I lose the baby weight. But the baby taught me to value my time like never before... No more wading through reams of misfits to cobble together an actual wearable outfit.<br /> - Get bored. And change things up without guilt and grief. I confess I did not NEED so many tops but I was sick of the old few worn twice weekly since pregnancy. Nor did I NEED as many shoes. but I find I like repeating outfits while switching the accessories sometimes. For which, six pairs are not adequate, be they never so functional and versatile. I still have a cap on budget and numbers. But not paring right back to the minimum while unhappy about it.</p> <p>Over to you guys. What have you given yourself permission to accept and embrace fashionwise lately, despite that niggling voice of (false) wisdom? And are you happy with the results or do you sometimes feel the guilt? </p>