https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/getting-stinkeye-from-the-boy-about-shopping Style Advice for Fashion Lovers en-US Fri, 15 May 2026 09:48:09 +0000 http://bbpress.org/?v=1.0.2 q https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/search.php https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/getting-stinkeye-from-the-boy-about-shopping#post-423410 Fri, 16 Sep 2011 02:43:55 +0000 Ginny 423410@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ <p>Oh sister I can sympathize, I occasionally get that eye, and the " Is that new??" " When did you get that"" I almost always say " oh a month or so ago" I have three kids and 2 jobs and I sometimes feel guilty too for getting clothes and shoes and stuff to wear to work and for off days. When he asks about how much that new jacket, boots or sweater cost I remind him that it is not near as much as the numerous vehicles sitting in front of our house!! lol, there are 2 drivers and 6 cars, I think that helps relieves some of my guilt esp, about my new boots!! lol posted earlier this week( Hang in there I don't think men quite get it. And on the flip side my hubby said this week, You know your wardrobe is changing and you really are looking stylish lately!" SHoot baby we can't win!! LOL </p> https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/getting-stinkeye-from-the-boy-about-shopping#post-423081 Thu, 15 Sep 2011 17:37:20 +0000 Kari 423081@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ <p>I'm sorry that your husband gets a bit freaked out by shopping. I wonder if perhaps it would help if you sit down with him and discuss how you decide to budget for purchases - whether that is keeping an eye out for great deals, or purchasing only a few high-quality items that should last you for years, or being diligent about returning items that don't work - to make sure he understands that these aren't just mindless impulse buys borne of a shopping addiction, or anything irresponsible like that.</p> <p>I grew up with a family, and especially my dad, who is very deal-happy. As a kid, my dad was especially frugal, and nigh-on cheap. Now, he purchases more but is adamant about making sure he gets the best possible deal through bargain-searching, coupons, researching similar items or alternative retailers, etc. The only problem is that he sometimes gets suckered in by a "good deal" for things that he maybe doesn't need, especially on deep discount sites like woot.com. But he is also very, very careful about saving money and isn't wasting it on pure junk.<br /> My family also has a *lot* of trouble getting rid of things. Closet editing was unknown unless we actually grew out of something, or wore it to shreds, so we'd end up with a LOT more clothes than we actually needed. We're not hoarders, but we hold on to a lot of things that don't get used until every few years someone takes the initiative to go through and cull out items for donation. Even then, there's a lot of guilt that goes into donating an item that is still in good condition - I feel that it's looked at by my parents as being a waste of money.<br /> I think my mom is cautious about shopping for herself since, while she earns a small income in a part time job, my dad is the primary breadwinner - however, she doesn't take it to extremes, and she and my dad are always very open with each other about their purchases and their shared budget. Sometimes when my mom comes home with a clothing item that my dad especially likes, he tells her "I like it when you come home with new clothes!" If one of my parents started carrying their purchasing to extremes, particularly if it started imposing a financial burden on the family, I think they would proceed much differently.</p> <p>My perspective, as an adult, is different. While I'm not great at wardrobe editing, and certainly could do with less clothing, I've been considerably pickier. I won't let sub-par items into my wardrobe (with the RARE exception of an item that is trendy that I'm trying out for the first time - I might be tempted to purchase something cheap but still "close" to perfect, try it out, and then upgrade to a better, more permanent item later.) I edit and donate clothing more often than I used to if items aren't getting much use. I still bargain-hunt and squee when I get a good deal on an item I've been craving; however, on occasion I also will pay full retail price for an item that I know I am going to get significant use out of (like my yellow Fidji slingbacks or an expensive but excellent quality pair of specs.) I am learning to set and stay within my budget, and though I've spent more in the past few years than I did before, it's also because the last few years were immediately following my graduation from college when I started working/earning money independently and was trying to upgrade my wardrobe from a "college kid who bats for Team Dressy" vibe to "young, smart, confident, professional woman."</p> <p>My boyfriend bats for Team Casual and Team Cheap (or at least, inexpensive.) I don't try to force him to spend more money than he's comfortable with, particularly since he's coming off of a few years of unemployment (or underemployment) and is getting used to having a stable income again. But it's important to both of us that he be dressed professionally and respectably, since he's now working in a professional office. The one hangup is footwear - I'd really love to convince him to spend some money on just one or two GOOD pairs of shoes, since he has very picky feet and has to spend a lot of time walking, but I can't force him to do so.</p> <p>Though my boyfriend and I have nearly opposite shopping habits and different sartorial preferences, he doesn't give me grief for shopping, and I try not to pressure him either unless it's clear that he NEEDS a certain item (for example, if he was lacking a professional wardrobe but had a crucial job interview coming up, or something like that.) We have separate budgets at this point, so it's up to each of us to determine what we choose to spend money on, and we know that we are both able to budget and spend money on fun things or personal items while still being able to put funds into savings. </p> https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/getting-stinkeye-from-the-boy-about-shopping#post-423042 Thu, 15 Sep 2011 16:28:18 +0000 ironkurtin 423042@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ <p>Lucky all of you with boys who love the shopping! I think mine just has serious security issues about money, and since he thinks fashion is a waste of time anyway, the fact that I spend *any* time or money on it makes his gut cramp. I'm not sure why he's so surprised, the first thing I did when we met in Italy twenty years ago was show him the ten pairs of gorgeous shoes I'd scored there. (All of which I wore to death, btw.) But his attitude makes me think I Have A Problem, and it makes me sad when I look at my closet. Which I otherwise enjoy. Ugh.</p> <p>I don't mind making a budget, but I know I can't let him pick the amount because he has no idea how much clothing costs. I'm sure he'd authorize $20 and tell me to have fun for the month. Boys. </p> https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/getting-stinkeye-from-the-boy-about-shopping#post-422932 Thu, 15 Sep 2011 14:42:11 +0000 Mo 422932@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ <p>Vani, that's great! My BF (hate using that term when he's over 50 and we've been together a decade, but anyway) has good taste in clothes and will spend $150 on a dress shirt or premium denim. BUT - he is happy with just 2 or 3 pair of jeans, a couple pair of casual trousers or corduroys, 6 pairs of shoes, and a dozen shirts. What he doesn't get is the sheer amount of what a woman wants or needs in her closet. The actual money spent isn't really the issue for us, I don't think.<br /> As for expensive habits, decorating the house is where he spends the money. We don't have prints on the walls, we have original artworks and the bed was shipped over from the far east, the TV console was custom made, etc. I do benefit from the lovely decor, but would be just as happy with Ikea pieces, I'm sure lol!<br /> So I guess he's more of a quality over quantity person and that's where we diverge. I'm trying to close the gap and get closer to his side of the field </p> https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/getting-stinkeye-from-the-boy-about-shopping#post-422924 Thu, 15 Sep 2011 14:28:49 +0000 Vani 422924@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ <p>I'm blessed that way. My husband indulges me and lets me buy whatever I want. He has a great eye for design and style and often assists me in sorting through my purchases. He even suggests modifications and or color combinations and compliments me most mornings when I am leaving for work He even buys jewelry and handbags for me I guess knowing it is very hard for me to justify biggish purchases (over $50, I am a serial sale stalker) really helps too. </p> https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/getting-stinkeye-from-the-boy-about-shopping#post-422915 Thu, 15 Sep 2011 14:21:33 +0000 Transcona Shannon 422915@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ <p>My hubby of 24 years said one time "why do you need so many purses - I only have ONE wallet"...well HELLO...no one sees your wallet stuffed in your back pants pocket...besides my new line now (he's a photographer) when he complains about another pair of shoes or another purse is "did you really need another $500 lens". That shuts him up. </p> https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/getting-stinkeye-from-the-boy-about-shopping#post-422864 Thu, 15 Sep 2011 13:07:23 +0000 kimlee 422864@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ <p>I am sorry to hear that your husband gives you grief over your shopping, and that it in turns makes you feel bad. When my husband and I got married, we set up a joint checking account, and seperate personal checking accounts. The majority of each of paychecks goes into the joint account to pay our bills, savings, and our budgeted expense (i.e. clothing, travel, etc). I have X amout of dollars budgeted for clothing from the joint account - I can spend that in a single month or over the course of the year - hubbby doesn't care. However, the agreement is that when I have spent my budgeted amount, any additional purchases come out of my personal account. This arrangment has saved us a lot of arguments over the past 3 years. </p> https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/getting-stinkeye-from-the-boy-about-shopping#post-422842 Thu, 15 Sep 2011 12:35:17 +0000 krishnidoux 422842@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ <p>Good advice Vildy!</p> <p>My husband also thinks I have too many clothes, thinks that 17 pairs of shoes and boots are a mental disorder, and asks me from time to time Is that new? When did you get this? It doesn't make me prone to share my shopping activity with him. </p> <p>He says I am immature, superficial and narcissistic for loving clothes and loving to dress. He even picked on me for wanting a full length mirror in our bedroom (or anywhere in the house). I try to mediate with no avail. I should mention he is very overweight, very intellectual and doesn't care one bit about his appearance. Appearance is something that generated hurt all his life.</p> <p>So I have learned to ignore his crappy attitude and try to be happy myself. I know it is not a mental disorder; I know I am not a narcissistic person and that for women, clothes are important. It's part our make-up, part the society we live in, part the way we were raised. But there's no point in trying to fight what makes us happy just for the sake of fighting it. I just say: "Well I love clothes, to be put together is important to me, and that is who I am. This will not change, and if you don't like it too bad."</p> <p>And then as we go out he will say: You are so beatufiful, I am a lucky man..." Well duh. </p> https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/getting-stinkeye-from-the-boy-about-shopping#post-422815 Thu, 15 Sep 2011 11:33:02 +0000 Vildy 422815@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ <p>Bad pattern here. You're easily put on the defensive by what you imagine he's thinking (beneath what he says he's thinking - he may not even know himself!). Why not drop your end of the rope and when he's there and a package arrives, open it and boldly exhibit your intense pleasure. Pick it up, turn it around, admire it, maybe slip it on. Let him see that instead. Or if you open the package and it's a huge disappointment, let him see those emotions. </p> <p>I don't have time to write more but my husband has gone from frustrated anger at my spending $7 at a thrift store to encouraging me to shop, "because you enjoy it." I really hate shopping but love clothes, but doesn't matter. He also now buys himself what he needs and likes, is able to throw out raggedy clothes, etc. When he has become less self-abnegating, he is more expansive with me. </p> https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/getting-stinkeye-from-the-boy-about-shopping#post-422782 Thu, 15 Sep 2011 09:27:17 +0000 Deborah 422782@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ <p>I have enjoyed reading everyones comments My hubby and I work to a budget so there are very few surprises, and after 17 years of marriage, he seems at peace with the fact that I love clothes and looking good. He does still tease me (in fun) but seems to understand that my passion for style and clothing is no different to his passion for music and sound equipment (which is generally a lot more expensive than my clothing!!) He does grump about it sometimes, but then before I left for the YLF Melbourne Meet on Saturday he handed me some extra cash "just because". He is a sweetie </p> https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/getting-stinkeye-from-the-boy-about-shopping#post-422759 Thu, 15 Sep 2011 07:36:49 +0000 ButterflyLady 422759@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ <p>Queen Mum - "For men, clothing is purely functional, and they really don't understand the deeper value for us. "</p> <p>I think this is it, for my husband at least! To him a sweater is fine if it covers his body, is not too tight so he can't breathe or too loose so it's hanging off him. Colour, style, fabric are nothing to him! (I go shopping with him and force him into fitting rooms to try things lol)</p> <p>My husband spends money on membership at his football club and tickets to the games (which are faint-makingly expensive) - that's fine, it's his hobby. And he knows I therefore don't expect him to so much as raise an eyebrow at my new, bought with discount codes, £45 boots! </p> https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/getting-stinkeye-from-the-boy-about-shopping#post-422649 Thu, 15 Sep 2011 02:49:52 +0000 nancylee 422649@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ <p>I hear you. My DH stopped asking long ago how much things cost. He just says "Is that new?" and when I shrug and say "Uh, yeah!" he just laughs and shakes his head. I feel a little guilty sometimes, but when I think about how much his monthly golf club dues cost I don't feel so bad!</p> <p>p.s. He's recently started to come over to my side...buying better quality clothes and more of them! I actually had the strange experience over Labor Day weekend of rolling MY eyes when he decided to get another pair of casual day work pants. I can't believe I actually said: "Do you NEED another pair of grey pants?" haha </p> https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/getting-stinkeye-from-the-boy-about-shopping#post-422644 Thu, 15 Sep 2011 02:42:14 +0000 Queen Mum 422644@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ <p>I debut most of my new items at church.... on the Sunday's that he's singing in the band. He has to go early, and by the time I arrive, he's on stage, and can't really make much of a stink right there in front of the whole church now can he? LOL<br /> In reality, I think he thinks most of my stuff costs under $20. I am not a high ticket spender for the most part, but he'd have a stroke if he knew that most shoes are closer to $100. Especially since every Sunday for the past month he's seen a new pair </p> <p>For men, clothing is purely functional, and they really don't understand the deeper value for us. Just like I dont' get the whole big screen TV concept, and the "my phone is cooler than yours" mentality. </p> https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/getting-stinkeye-from-the-boy-about-shopping#post-422631 Thu, 15 Sep 2011 02:27:04 +0000 Mamapicklejuice 422631@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ <p>"Mine loves it when the price tag seems reasonable to him ($1- $10, lol)" </p> <p>Rae, are we married to the same man??? </p> https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/getting-stinkeye-from-the-boy-about-shopping#post-422589 Thu, 15 Sep 2011 01:49:46 +0000 qfbrenda 422589@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ <p>I'll throw in another vote for a budget. Deciding how much "blow" money you each get, or how much money should be spent on clothing every month, is a reasonable way to eliminate stinkeye. Why should he fuss if you are within the budget amount he agreed on? </p> https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/getting-stinkeye-from-the-boy-about-shopping#post-422579 Thu, 15 Sep 2011 01:42:06 +0000 Elly 422579@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ <p>I have a bit of a problem with this double-standard . . . in my life it extends to men spending money on themselves in all areas of life. Of course, the men in my family are never well-dressed but spend lots of money on relatively expensive clothing and replace every year or two because of carelessness. They both work rough, dirty jobs but go through clothing like water--- I worked the same type of job for several years and never did manage to wear out or destroy the clothes I wore to work. Yet, growing up I often went without dresses and coats because it was a waste of money. I still get crap for my internet orders. </p> https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/getting-stinkeye-from-the-boy-about-shopping#post-422572 Thu, 15 Sep 2011 01:37:56 +0000 D'Ellen 422572@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ <p>My husband gave up years ago! (We recently celebrated our 38th anniversary.) I work, I have my own checking account and my own credit cards, we split household expenses. He knows I have a lot of clothes and often teases me about it. He also knows I'm not spending irresponsibly. I soften the blow by having mail orders delivered to my office and stuffing new purchases into the closet before he sees them...I return probably half of what I buy and I don't want him to panic unneccessarily. Sometimes when I've made a really great score I try to share my excitement with him...he smiles indulgently and calls me a "style cat". Fun with fashion is just something he's never going to understand. He did tell me recently that he thinks I always look great...and it's worth whatever I'm spending. (The second part of that comment may have been made tongue in cheek.) </p> https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/getting-stinkeye-from-the-boy-about-shopping#post-422543 Thu, 15 Sep 2011 00:58:10 +0000 Suz 422543@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ <p>Great response, Malina. I'm going to try it next time. </p> https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/getting-stinkeye-from-the-boy-about-shopping#post-422524 Thu, 15 Sep 2011 00:42:48 +0000 Mo 422524@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ <p>I started with a budget this year largely for this reason! Right now I'm not working, but always have - and yes, I get the occasional "another new ____?". Followed by a half chuckle half incredulous, "you have so many clothes!" I so then say this is all within the $125 per month budget and I am getting rid of old in conjunction with bringing in new. BUT . . . I do get the mail before him when I can and put things in my closet unannounced whenever possible. I have 3 dresses, a pair of boots, some heels and a bag that he has no idea about. I also don't like having to feel somewhat guilty for indulging my passion (responsibly!). The last time I heard, is that a new dress, I said yes, don't you like how it looks on me? </p> https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/getting-stinkeye-from-the-boy-about-shopping#post-422516 Thu, 15 Sep 2011 00:27:11 +0000 Laurinda 422516@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ <p>It's universal.<br /> "Why do you have more than three pairs of shoes? - I get along just fine with three pairs." </p> https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/getting-stinkeye-from-the-boy-about-shopping#post-422514 Thu, 15 Sep 2011 00:26:30 +0000 rae 422514@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ <p>Mine loves it when the price tag seems reasonable to him ($1- $10, lol), but he definitely gets freaked out when I order better quality stuff. We made the decision long ago, however, to keep our funds separate, so his stink eye has no power over me... if I decide to put him at ease, I will explain how I sold off XYZ to pay for it or that it was the product of credit card rewards, or that I'd been looking for one for a long time. </p> <p>But I don't think boys will ever *really* get it. :T </p> https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/getting-stinkeye-from-the-boy-about-shopping#post-422512 Thu, 15 Sep 2011 00:24:36 +0000 renae 422512@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ <p>My husband and I each have an agreed upon amount in our budget that we can spend however we want. He spends his on sports equipment, I spend mine on clothes. There might be occasional eye rolling when I can't find something to wear, but since I stay within budget, what can he say? It works really well! </p> https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/getting-stinkeye-from-the-boy-about-shopping#post-422504 Thu, 15 Sep 2011 00:20:23 +0000 Suz 422504@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ <p>I got the evil eye today, too. I bought a winter coat. I might not keep it, but I know how rare it is even to find one in my approximate size in my town, so I snapped it up for picture-taking later. (I'll show you ladies on the weekend.) </p> <p>Husband says: "Don't you HAVE a winter coat?" </p> <p>Well, let me tell you about my winter coat options. I have a puffer from Land's End that cost $79 four years ago and is now losing all its stuffing. And I have another puffer from LL Bean (fashion capital USA) that cost about the same and is three years old. I bought it for long walks in the freezing cold while my daughter's at her tae kwon do lesson. </p> <p>I live in Canada. We have winter 5 months a year here. (Longer in other provinces, but I'll be generous to the man.) Is it too much to ask for a decent coat to put on, one that makes me feel like something other than the Michelin man? </p> <p>OY! </p> https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/getting-stinkeye-from-the-boy-about-shopping#post-422497 Thu, 15 Sep 2011 00:08:21 +0000 catgirl 422497@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ <p>My husband just gave me the evil eye today. See post on Duo boots. He is just sick of boxes arriving - he doesn't see all the returns going back. He and the delivery guy need to start a support group. </p> https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/getting-stinkeye-from-the-boy-about-shopping#post-422496 Thu, 15 Sep 2011 00:06:30 +0000 ironkurtin 422496@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ <p>My husband *hates* that I shop. Sure, he likes the results, but he just doesn't get why I need so many things (in his opinion), or the constant flux in my wardrobe as things go in, and others go out. And he's constantly asking, "When did you get THAT?" or "How much did THAT cost?" (And may I note, I work - always have - and supported the family for years!) His disapproval makes me feel sad and guilty, which in turn makes me feel defensive and angry. I like to shop, and I love nice things, and I really hate that I have to sneak stuff past him to avoid a confrontation every time. I'd love to get that something wonderful and share a victory dance or at least a loving male opinion!</p> <p>Anyone else care to join in a chorus of "men who just don't understand"? </p>