https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/funeral-state-of-mind Style Advice for Fashion Lovers en-US Sat, 25 Apr 2026 13:05:23 +0000 http://bbpress.org/?v=1.0.2 q https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/search.php https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/funeral-state-of-mind/page/2#post-2240699 Sat, 27 Nov 2021 11:35:24 +0000 Stagiaire Fash 2240699@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ <p>Rachylou, it’s starting to feel like a personality issue. Do I want to be a scrappy, spunky, and quirky kid, or do I want to behave and be a grown-up gentlewoman? How does age figure I to this anyway? </p> <p>Lozz_oz, I’m pretty much sold on the longer skirt. Actually wound up lounging about the living room in it and the ls black velvet top for a few hours last night. I’m not sure that’s an outfit I’d wear oitw, but I sure was comfortable. I like your suggestions for outfits. But the lace top, I’m still on the fence about, especially with the question of what to wear underneath. I should try it over black cotton tank tops. I don’t think I have any camis that have more coverage than the teddy/bodysuit I’m wearing in these pix. </p> <p>It has just dawned on me that I will either need two tops—one for warm weather and one for cool—or I need a blazer, like the ones Gryffin graciously picked out. But what kind of topper looks like me? Maybe a black tweed jacket with fringe edges? </p> https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/funeral-state-of-mind/page/2#post-2240698 Sat, 27 Nov 2021 11:28:48 +0000 rachylou 2240698@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ <p>The short skirt … I must say that it doesn’t strike me as very ‘you’ and I don’t know how you’d make it ‘yours’… </p> https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/funeral-state-of-mind/page/2#post-2240696 Sat, 27 Nov 2021 10:54:18 +0000 lozz_oz 2240696@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ <p>I prefer the longer micropleat skirt, and the lace top needs a camisole under it. I can see both these pieces being versatile. Skirt with lace up boots or oxfords and an oversized sweater; the lace top could be paired with a jacket (just not the one in #3), as the fit is wrong to my eye. </p> https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/funeral-state-of-mind/page/2#post-2240694 Sat, 27 Nov 2021 10:38:25 +0000 Stagiaire Fash 2240694@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ <p>Rachylou, you made me double take! It really is the same skirt (but wrinkled). New photo attached.</p> <p>Donna and Sarah, excellent points about needing these things to fit at a moment’s notice over the years. </p> <p>As much as I want to love the blazer top, I don’t, and I don’t think it’s just a size issue either, is it? </p> <p>Irina, i’m sure the skirt could go to the office, the grocery, and the phil. That’s a different look than I usually wear, so the question is whether I want to go that direction. It is a lovely, well-made skirt, so I’d be sad to send it back, but …</p> <p>I’m still on the fence about the lace top. Clearly, JenniNZ is correct that for a funeral, it would need something more substantial underneath, and I might very well wear something over it too. But for the rest of the time, in quotidian life, I’m trying to think if/how I could wear it.</p> <p>Helena, I did pull out all my other black pieces with the intent of shooting them all, but I don’t think any are funeral appropriate. In velvet I have 1 mini dress, 1 stretchy dress with full skirt and lace sleeves, 1 ls shirt and 1 pr pants with red ribbon roses on one leg. Then there are several T-shirts, mostly long-sleeved, a shawl-collar sweater I can get back into rotation but don’t think is funeral-appropriate, ditto for a longish cardi, and the baby boot cuts I’ve posted a few times. </p> https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/funeral-state-of-mind/page/2#post-2240687 Sat, 27 Nov 2021 04:44:18 +0000 DonnaF 2240687@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ <p>I love the long pleated skirt, maybe because I want one just like it. Try it with a long sweater. </p> <p>FWIW, I agree with SarahD8 about getting items with a forgiving fit since it may be years before you would wear them to a funeral. My weight is relatively stable, but I still have occasional fluctuations and as I age I carry my weight a little differently at the same weight. </p> https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/funeral-state-of-mind/page/2#post-2240684 Sat, 27 Nov 2021 04:23:18 +0000 Jenni NZ 2240684@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ <p>I think I like the top with the shorter skirt better, but with a much more covered tank or cami underneath so that you don’t see much flesh, looks more respectful to me. Then black tights and shoes. </p> https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/funeral-state-of-mind/page/2#post-2240682 Sat, 27 Nov 2021 02:59:02 +0000 rachylou 2240682@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ <p>Yes, the long one… is the shorter the same as the grey Find? Gosh, they look totally different to me. </p> https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/funeral-state-of-mind/page/2#post-2240681 Fri, 26 Nov 2021 23:24:38 +0000 SarahD8 2240681@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ <p>I like Irina’s suggestions for the skirt. But if you can’t think of when else you would wear it….would you actually choose those outfit possibilities over others you have in your closet?</p> <p>If I were purchasing something with a plan to wear it at some time possibly several years in the future and maybe very little in the meantime, I would want something quite forgiving in fit. The lace top and especially jacket, while very nice, do not seem like that. Sorry, I know that sounds rather negative! I just think life, and the effects it can have on our bodies, is rather unpredictable. </p> https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/funeral-state-of-mind/page/2#post-2240676 Fri, 26 Nov 2021 22:12:09 +0000 Irina 2240676@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ <p>Sorry, I was unclear - the skirt I like is in the photo #1. Because of its length it can worn anywhere, like a pair of good black pants, it can be dress up or down. For for a walk or to run some chores: high lace up boots &amp; a sweater &amp; a puffer vest. For a gallery visit: a black sweater &amp; your cobalt parka or under your long wool coat. You can also try with your cobalt vest and a simple turtleneck underneath. </p> https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/funeral-state-of-mind/page/2#post-2240673 Fri, 26 Nov 2021 21:42:12 +0000 Helena 2240673@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ <p>I think the lace top would be fine with a fairly substantial tank underneath and possibly a jacket over. Based on my Catholic family/upbringing, I would say all-black is good for a funeral, and the traditional rules would be covered knees and shoulders. I agree with Rachy; something about the jacket isn't quite right; it looks a little snug to my eye? Fwiw, I think those pieces would mix pretty easily with other pieces, but I know you've said you've not had luck with black, so maybe an outfit lab? </p> https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/funeral-state-of-mind/page/2#post-2240671 Fri, 26 Nov 2021 21:34:51 +0000 Stagiaire Fash 2240671@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ <p>Irina and Rachylou, thank you so much! I was apprehensive about this post, so really appreciate your comments.</p> <p>Irina, here is a photo of that skirt in a different color. I love it, would be sad to send it back, but am wracking my brain trying to think where/how I would wear it otherwise.</p> <p>RL, you mean the longer skirt, yes? </p> https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/funeral-state-of-mind/page/2#post-2240669 Fri, 26 Nov 2021 21:31:53 +0000 rachylou 2240669@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ <p>That top needs a tank or camisole under it, IMO. I like the pleated skirt. I want to like the jacket, but it seems long in the torso and that it’s bunching up. </p> https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/funeral-state-of-mind/page/2#post-2240668 Fri, 26 Nov 2021 21:31:41 +0000 Irina 2240668@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ <p>I like the shorter pleated skirt, the one I assume that is from Yoox. It fits you well and to me, it’s a very versatile piece. You can wear it casually with a sweatshirt or any sweater plus a puffer or a puffer vest. Can be dressed up with a blouse or a top. For more somber occasion, it will be easy to find a top in black or navy or dark burgundy colors.<br />As for the rest - a jacket looks like it pulls, maybe too small. The second skirt is just OK. The lace top is nice but would require a camisole, so potentially it might work. </p> https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/funeral-state-of-mind/page/2#post-2240667 Fri, 26 Nov 2021 21:11:12 +0000 Stagiaire Fash 2240667@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ <p>It’s time for the grand try-ons! But actually, this is such a disappointing denouement that it doesn’t even get its own separate post. UPS lost my package, then delivered it after a complaint. If taking lousy photos of your mom was an offense punishable by grounding, my son would never see the threshold to our building again (anyone else remember how happy he used to be to take pix of/for me? Awwww. That’s over now). </p> <p>Anyway, here you have it. I’ve turned up the brightness and the shadows on these photos, and they were taken with flash. I hope you can see something! </p> <p>The wool flannel skirt from Yoox is absolutely beautiful. The pleats/slit make it very easy to move in, and it’s very comfortable to wear. The downside: I don’t see when else in my life I would wear this. </p> <p>The lace top is fun. I’m wearing it here with a black teddy underneath. There’s no way I could ever wear it without something under it. I could see wearing it in daily life, but is it too much for a funeral? </p> <p>I’m not sure what I think of the longer black skirt with micropleats. It’s also comfortable to wear, and funeral appropriate. I can see wearing it in my daily life, in theory, but nothing is popping up to fill that spot of what else to wear it with. </p> <p>The blazer/blouse looked cool online. I don’t think wearing it open would work—it has 10 or 12 tiny hooks. Do I look like myself in it?</p> <p>Many thanks to those who got me this far in picking out pieces, and thanks for all comments on these items. </p> https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/funeral-state-of-mind/page/2#post-2235038 Sat, 30 Oct 2021 10:35:07 +0000 Stagiaire Fash 2235038@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ <p>Bijou, thank you. Kate Spade is on my radar, though not usually in my budget. Irritatingly, I can’t get into the US website, which I think has more specials, without a vpn. I get the emails, click on a link, and am redirected towards the German site, where the sale isn’t valid. </p> <p>I noted on my romp through the mall that knit black dresses aren’t hard to come by this time of year. The photo for this post is a perfectly nice one from Esprit that fit me well. So until I have the pieces in place, my “fallback” idea is to run to the mall where I’m sure I’d find something appropriate for that day. </p> <p>If I can take my time (&amp; honestly, I might have several years, who knows?), then I think I prefer separates. I’ve worn black T-shirts with many colored bottom pieces, so I assume the right top would work similarly. I think the black in a skirt, away from my face, is less likely to overwhelm me. A great blazer would be great, and I can think of several things in my wardrobe that I’d wear it with, maybe even with my big black boots. </p> <p>But put them all together in a dress, and it just seems like a whole lot of black. The reasons I think a qipao might work are the fabric (doesn’t it tend to be lustrous and perhaps figured, black-on-black?) and the cut, which seems energetic to me, so easy to fit in my fun wardrobe, and then wear a blazer over for serious events. You wear qipaos; do you think I’m on the right track with them? A couple wedding and formal dress stores near me came up when I googled for the dresses, so I want to check there. And there’s this version on Etsy, although having to mail it back &amp; forth for alterations sounds like a pain. <a href="https://www.etsy.com/listing/1029855166/cheongsam-dress-1950s-o-real-silk?ga_order=most_relevant&#038;ga_search_type=all&#038;ga_view_type=gallery&#038;ga_search_query=black+qipao+dress+silk&#038;ref=sr_gallery-3-25&#038;organic_search_click=1&#038;variation0=2092400366" rel="nofollow">https://www.etsy.com/listing/1.....2092400366</a> it seems overly plain to me, but I can’t define why. It might just be the photos. </p> <p>ETA The &amp; Other Stories order arrived. I tried on a couple pieces, but am going to wait &amp; do the full session when the Yoox order is here too. </p> https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/funeral-state-of-mind/page/2#post-2234982 Sat, 30 Oct 2021 06:03:01 +0000 Bijou 2234982@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ <p>SF, would you wear a black knit dress? I have this knit dress (not all black, but shown for they style) and find that it has the look of a sheath dress without the structure of one. I find this dress works with sneakers and boots casually and can be dressed up with a jacket and pumps.</p> <p>The tweed jacket is lovely and an Angie NAS pick from about 5 years ago, my one and only NAS purchase. I found Kate Spade sizing to be accurate. I am generally a US size 4 in JCrew and found Kate Spade and Veronica Beard sizing to be totally consistent (having also bought a VB jacket online). The quality of both Kate Spade and Veronica Beard really blew me away, so keep an eye out as occasionally you can get these brands on good discount. </p> https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/funeral-state-of-mind/page/2#post-2234770 Fri, 29 Oct 2021 14:20:07 +0000 Stagiaire Fash 2234770@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ <p>Bijou, how unsurprising and fitting that the woman who had such influence on you would do something so lovely as take care of the kangaroos after she died! I keep looking at your jacket and dress. That’s the sort of outfit I envision wearing for a funeral. I love Kate Spade and bet I could work a jacket like that into my wardrobe (the description says “tweed”, so even though it’s hard to see, I bet it has great texture), but the dress, which looks perfect for you and for a funeral, is hard for me to wrap my head around for me when I’m not at a funeral, especially because I’m not big on scarves (except for warmth). I might look for a black qipao. </p> <p>Angie, it makes total sense to me that people don’t seem to fly out the door looking for an outfit when they have a funeral to go to. I hope to join those who have something in their wardrobe that they know will work. (I probably have something now that would pass muster with other people’s expectations, but for myself, I think I would enjoy keeping the ritual of the all-black attire). Fingers crossed on the brocade jackets. </p> <p>Thanks Anne. Every person who has said what you did, that you could keep wearing your clothes even after the ceremony, is reassuring to me. </p> <p>Gryffin, it is seriously sweet of you to help with the search! I feel like I have a native guide in the strange new to me territory of dressy jackets. The need to know my size so perfectly in various brands makes me shy about online second hand. But I am thinking of looking in a certain secondhand B&amp;M store for one. </p> https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/funeral-state-of-mind#post-2234769 Fri, 29 Oct 2021 13:47:05 +0000 Angie 2234769@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ <p>It's very interesting how some people wear what they have to funerals, while others buy something new, or select from a funeral capsule they have in place. I can see all options working well.&nbsp;</p> <p>It hadn't occurred to me until right now, but I have worn something from my wardrobe to every funeral and memorial service I have been to. Apart from one memorial service, in which we were specifically asked to wear something cheerful and celebratory, I have worn black or dark blue clothing.&nbsp;</p> <p><b>SF</b>, I have a feeling that brocade will come out soon because it's that time of year.&nbsp; </p> https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/funeral-state-of-mind#post-2234762 Fri, 29 Oct 2021 13:27:00 +0000 anne 2234762@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ <p>No suggestions, but just another vote on the wearing clothes I already had, and that I kept on wearing side. </p> https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/funeral-state-of-mind#post-2234751 Fri, 29 Oct 2021 11:53:00 +0000 gryffin 2234751@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ <p>SF - I googled dark floral, jacquard, brocade blazers.&nbsp; VB has a new very expensive dark floral blazer but most are resale.&nbsp; Poshmark, ebay etc have a nice selection but you really have to know your size.&nbsp; But there are some super nice very reasonably priced pieces if you hit it right.&nbsp; Try yoox, I'll see if I can find anything too. </p> https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/funeral-state-of-mind#post-2234555 Thu, 28 Oct 2021 14:14:08 +0000 Bijou 2234555@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ <p>Stagiaire Fash, I think it is a good idea to have something appropriate to wear for funerals. I have a black shift dresses that sees me through these things. I wear it with a tweed jacket and simple black pumps for a funeral but get heaps of wear adding colourful jackets, bags and shoes for other events or business meetings. </p> https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/funeral-state-of-mind#post-2234520 Thu, 28 Oct 2021 09:40:08 +0000 Stagiaire Fash 2234520@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ <p>Thanks Christina. I know this must still be raw for you. The blue is lovely. </p> <p>Thanks Silver. We are sort of in the Midwest too, but also bordering Appalachia. Great that you had a selection of pieces to choose from. “Suitable for funeral” is the weirdest criteria I’ve used for wardrobe additions.</p> <p>I’m still hoping for brocade, just searching individual stores because the www seems certain that word means Harry Potter or Steampunk costume (a little steampunk is good for me, but the results I’m getting are more than a little). </p> https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/funeral-state-of-mind#post-2234436 Wed, 27 Oct 2021 19:53:50 +0000 Anonymous 2234436@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ <p>I second Mary Beth’s answer. My sister passed in Dec 2018, and my mom in Nov 2019. Both of their passings were preceded by months or weeks of caregiving and other various duties that fell heavily (though thankfully not exclusively) to me, so shopping was absolutely not on my radar either practically or emotionally. Over 30% of my wardrobe happens to be black, it’s what I love to wear esp in the cold (I’m in the US Midwest), so I was lucky to be able to pull together plenty of outfits for visitations and funerals that were appropriate, comfortable, and warm. I even had low, block-heeled weather-irrelevant booties for gravesite time. Thankful for my past self’s insistence on having practical and appropriate stuff on hand no matter what. I don’t have bad feelings associated with those outfits, but some clothes I wore repeatedly during extensive caregiving were more burdensome to have around. Sorry I can’t help with your personal style choices, but I wish you luck! &nbsp; </p> https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/funeral-state-of-mind#post-2234420 Wed, 27 Oct 2021 18:15:57 +0000 Christina F. 2234420@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ <p>This is what I wore to my mom’s wake, FWIW. The service not exactly religious but had Catholic elements. (We are deferring interment of her ashes until summer.) I also wore the same top to my husband’s grandmother’s memorial. No one seemed to think it out of place at either event. I like this blouse because it’s a bit of me and not totally sober, though it is appropriate. </p> https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/funeral-state-of-mind#post-2234418 Wed, 27 Oct 2021 18:08:40 +0000 Stagiaire Fash 2234418@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ <p>Mary Beth, your concrete answer is brilliant! I'd like all my clothes to work that well, and am sure you are correct that it is especially important at the funeral of a loved one. </p> https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/funeral-state-of-mind#post-2234400 Wed, 27 Oct 2021 15:32:49 +0000 Mary Beth (formerly LBD) 2234400@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ <p>I don't really have one concrete answer for funerals.&nbsp; &nbsp;For me, it's always been intuitive, based on the person I'm saying farewell to.&nbsp; &nbsp;Usually somber colors, but for my great-grandmother's funeral when I was 13, my sister and I wore matching floaty, pale floral dresses she had bought us for our birthdays, about a month before she passed.&nbsp; &nbsp;It felt very right to wear them to her funeral, although Tampa had a rare freeze, and we wore sadly inadequate Florida jackets over them.&nbsp; &nbsp;</p> <p>There was something about the floaty dresses against sparkling crystal icicles and sunlight that was just beautiful and magical, and seemed like a fitting send-off.&nbsp; (Everyone had run their sprinklers on their citrus trees, to build a layer of ice, which keeps them from dying.&nbsp; &nbsp;How people knew to do this before the internet, still amazes me.)&nbsp; &nbsp;</p> <p>When my grandma passed in 2018, it was August, in Florida.&nbsp; &nbsp;I had a more active role in the proceedings, which included the eulogy, and helping my mom handle family and friends, getting people moving to cars, making sure everyone paused for coffee or food, etc.&nbsp; &nbsp;I knew it would be a very long day, so I wore all favorite fallback pieces:&nbsp; &nbsp;a Norma Kamali jersey skirt, a basic Wolford V-neck bodysuit, a black leather belt with a cameo-style buckle, simple jewelry, nude patent leather block heels.&nbsp; &nbsp;It was a no-brainer, easy, elegant outfit, that took us through an eight-hour day of church services, two-hour drive each way to the cemetary, and the graveside service.</p> <p>I take it back, I do have one concrete answer:&nbsp; &nbsp;whatever you wear, it should be something you have worn before, that you feel good in, and can move about easily while wearing.&nbsp; &nbsp; The best funeral outfit is one that you aren't having to fuss with. </p> https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/funeral-state-of-mind#post-2234388 Wed, 27 Oct 2021 13:53:44 +0000 Stagiaire Fash 2234388@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ <p>Thanks, everyone!</p> <p>Gryffin, those are beautiful jackets. How did you find them? I really don’t know what shape I want, as I’ve never worn them much. </p> <p>Sal, that’s reassuring to hear. I’m beginning to think the “never again” feeling towards those clothes is not the universal response it seemed. That’s a relief. </p> <p>Thanks Angie. I appreciate your time and comments. </p> <p>I’ve placed orders. The next steps will be seeing A) how things fit B) what works well for an old-fashioned funeral outfit and C) what integrates well with other things in my wardrobe so I can start wearing them now.</p> <p>I would still like the fancier fabrics with brocade, embroidery, etc, but have not been successful finding it. </p> https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/funeral-state-of-mind#post-2234305 Tue, 26 Oct 2021 23:02:16 +0000 Angie 2234305@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ <p><b>SF,</b>&nbsp;oddly, I cannot see the YOOX links. They don't link back to items when I click on them. Just the YOOX site. I could see this link though:</p> <p><a rel="nofollow" href="https://www.stories.com/en_usd/clothing/skirts/midi-skirts/product.laser-cut-midi-skirt-black.0980601001.html">https://www.stories.com/en_usd.....ack.098060</a></p> <p>That absolutely looks like something you would wear - if the weather at the funeral is warm.&nbsp;</p> <p>Ah! I see screen shots further down the thread. Thank you. I can see all those black items work for you in a funeral setting. And I like the suggestions of brocade too.</p> https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/funeral-state-of-mind#post-2234286 Tue, 26 Oct 2021 21:58:05 +0000 Sal 2234286@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ <p>I would add that I don't have bad connotations for the pieces I wore to funerals over the years including my Mum, Grandparents, friends etc..</p> <p>The only pieces I have bad connotations for were my bag that was damaged in a mugging attempt, the culottes I wore in the hospital when my Mum actually died and in the past, a couple of dresses I chose that were inappropriate for the occasion that became tarred. </p> https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/funeral-state-of-mind#post-2234282 Tue, 26 Oct 2021 21:27:19 +0000 gryffin 2234282@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ <p>SF - I like all the pieces you've selected.&nbsp; I have an EF top similar to the one you've selected.&nbsp; I do wear a pact shelf cami underneath.&nbsp; Would certainly work with tons of things and four seasons, great with the skirt faux tucked.&nbsp; I think the dresses you've selected and the other story pieces are great.&nbsp; You'd have to see fit and how you feel in them.&nbsp; A wrap cardigan, like Staysfit wears so wonderfully or a jardigan - MM Fleur has nice ones are a less formal alternative and might be more useful.&nbsp;&nbsp;<br /><a rel="nofollow" href="https://www.sumissura.com/en-us/women/blazers/104394-black-floral-jacquard-no-lapels-blazer">https://www.sumissura.com/en-u.....els-blazer</a><br /><a rel="nofollow" href="https://poshmark.com/listing/Reiss-Black-Floral-Jacquard-Blazer-Jacket-XS-61164db67f80d2341d757738#utm_source=gdm_unpaid">https://poshmark.com/listing/R.....1d757738#u</a><br /><a rel="nofollow" href="https://poshmark.com/listing/Alice-Olivia-Brocade-Blazer-5f0fa5d3e131644c3eb876f2#utm_source=gdm_unpaid">https://poshmark.com/listing/A.....ce=gdm_unp</a><br />are these the kind of jackets you are looking for? or something simpler? </p>