YouLookFab Forum » Topic: Frustrated with Buy-Return cycle

YouLookFab Forum » Topic: Frustrated with Buy-Return cycle https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/frustrated-with-buy-return-cycle Style Advice for Fashion Lovers en-US Thu, 14 May 2026 22:29:01 +0000 http://bbpress.org/?v=1.0.2 <![CDATA[Search]]> q https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/search.php Vix on "Frustrated with Buy-Return cycle" https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/frustrated-with-buy-return-cycle/page/2#post-1911534 Sat, 21 Apr 2018 22:23:39 +0000 Vix 1911534@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ Hi again Sarah --  So glad to know I have a kindred spirit re journey vs outcome (not to mention love of Ms Parker's wit!).  Thanks for your encouragement; I think I'm pretty set for the season, just as it's kicking off (aside from maybe needing some Ts...I couldn't face the T replacement on top of better stuff so will be in aging ones if it comes to that). I know many have said "stick with the brands you know work to maximize chances" but man, the last couple years that's been a challenge. Lots of no, nahs, and nopes along with the it'll dos. Peeping outside my go-tos meant taking more chances, but at least it sort of forced me to jumpstart the creative part of things. So when you can face the thought of it, maybe keep your eye open for the random items that work with your selections. I think that's part of the reason I was getting stuck this season...I needed a fair amount of backbones/workhorses plus wanted some zippier stuff and I'd find the WH but not the BB or vice versa and... OMG IF I RAN THE UNIVERSE REDUX  Yet at least some from each category needed to work together for my wardrobe to function as a cohesive thing vs just being a random assortment.  Blah blah -- again, good luck finding whatever your "mix" is (and then forgetting the tedium til next time)! DonnaF on "Frustrated with Buy-Return cycle" https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/frustrated-with-buy-return-cycle/page/2#post-1910451 Thu, 19 Apr 2018 03:31:25 +0000 DonnaF 1910451@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ Just chiming in again to say I'm like Gigi: Petite with probably 80% returns. I often order in two or sometimes three sizes and sometimes more than one colorway because online photos can distort colors. I return in person, and Nordstrom is really nice about it. I think they should be because they get maybe 90% of my clothing dollars. I have ceased to feel guilty about my returns because my closest Nordstrom has reduced its Petite section so it now has a pretty crummy selection. Well, and I also cross my fingers and order some non-Petite stuff and it occasionally works. Extra sales for the company when it does. texstyle on "Frustrated with Buy-Return cycle" https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/frustrated-with-buy-return-cycle/page/2#post-1910320 Wed, 18 Apr 2018 21:59:18 +0000 texstyle 1910320@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ Lots of good advice here!  My own best solution (so far) has been to slow down my purchases and try to stick with my favorite few retailers/brands for most items. I still buy/return pretty often - sometimes several items in one week if I'm on the hunt for something like new shoes or a new handbag - and I do end up paying for shipping on many returns so I may spend $20+ and end up with nothing at the end of a month. Which makes me feel frustrated at myself. But I suppose the "cost" of spending several hours shopping in B&M is also to be considered. Plus gas and that cappuccino or iced tea you treat yourself to, etc. Time = money for many of us.  SarahD8 on "Frustrated with Buy-Return cycle" https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/frustrated-with-buy-return-cycle/page/2#post-1910279 Wed, 18 Apr 2018 20:16:39 +0000 SarahD8 1910279@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ Suz, thanks so much for your kind words. I have learned so much from this thread. I am working on a style statement and hope to post it in the next couple of days. FUN!!! Suz on "Frustrated with Buy-Return cycle" https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/frustrated-with-buy-return-cycle/page/2#post-1910137 Wed, 18 Apr 2018 14:06:24 +0000 Suz 1910137@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ "But maybe, what “never say never” means is that I should leave open the possibility of changing my mind, and trying white jeans when and if I feel drawn to them in the future." Precisely. Don't try something just because "everybody else" is trying it and you think you "should." But do try it if you feel intrigued by it and can find a lower priced version to test. My strategy in my first few years here was to search discount stores and consignment (and a bit of fast fashion) for trends I wanted to try out but wasn't sure of. Saved me some money and showed me where I'd like a better quality, higher priced version of an item.  " I do think I have a clear sense of my style aspirations and the look I want to cultivate. I haven’t written it down though, and I think maybe I should work on that. Writing things down always clarifies my thinking, and it would also be useful to share them with you all and get feedback. So now I have another good assignment for a shopping pause." You express yourself beautifully in writing and clearly are a person who thinks that way, so this would be a great idea. I did a lot of writing on the forum in my first few years, analyzing style goals. At first I worried that people might get bored by it all (and I'm sure some did!) but others really enjoyed following along with the style journey. Remember that every time you have a question or a dilemma, you're voicing what others might also be thinking or feeling. So sharing your thoughts here is a great way to enrich the forum!  SarahD8 on "Frustrated with Buy-Return cycle" https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/frustrated-with-buy-return-cycle/page/2#post-1910128 Wed, 18 Apr 2018 13:35:53 +0000 SarahD8 1910128@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ Gigi, that’s sort of a relief to know that your return percentages are so high. The more I think about it, the more I realize that the problem is not really unfamiliarity with brands and which retailers work for my body type, aesthetic, etc. I have a ton of that information from thrifting (and also bc even when I was mostly thrifting I still bought some items retail). Yes, brands do shift over time but the majority of my thrifted clothes come from the same brands as the majority of the clothes I purchase at retail. I think it is more a matter of reframing my expectations, as so many of you have mentioned, treating online orders as try-ones rather than purchases. Part of the problem is that the fit I need in bottoms especially is just extremely scarce these days. I keep ordering mountains of jeans thinking: maybe THESE will be truly low rise! And...Nope. They all go back. I guess I could save myself a lot of hassle by making use of the chat function that some retailers offer and asking for measurements. Gigi on "Frustrated with Buy-Return cycle" https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/frustrated-with-buy-return-cycle/page/2#post-1910040 Wed, 18 Apr 2018 04:38:52 +0000 Gigi 1910040@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ Yeah, sometimes online shopping can be the pits. I'm petite too, so I'm a big online shopper. I probably return 80 percent or more of what I order. As Angie says, it doesn't get scrapped but is returned to inventory, so at least you can have peace of mind about that. I would just recommend taking things slow. It takes a while to see which retailers' clothes work for your body type and are of good-enough quality. Some retailers are hit-and-miss with regard to quality, just to make things fun . The best way to learn is by getting your hands dirty, so to speak, which is exactly what you're doing. As some others mentioned too, it might be worth a trip to a nearby mall just to check out the style and quality of clothing at various retailers. Then you'll know who is a good bet and who's not when you shop online. I also find that sometimes seeing a particular item on a mannequin as part of an outfit in-store can breathe life into what looks like a ho-hum item online. SarahD8 on "Frustrated with Buy-Return cycle" https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/frustrated-with-buy-return-cycle/page/2#post-1910012 Wed, 18 Apr 2018 02:07:26 +0000 SarahD8 1910012@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ La Ped, my thrifting has diminished too. Partly because I am in a less experimental phase now and have a very specific idea of what I’m looking for, but partly because I have also noticed that the decline in clothing quality has now trickled down to thrift stores. So it’s just not an efficient shopping strategy. (I do buy quite a bit via Ebay but there I can set my search terms very specifically!) I like this interpretation of “leave no retail stone unturned” that La Ped and Ginger have and Angie endorsed. Turn the stone, and if there’s nothing under it for me it’s ok to mostly ignore it! (But, at the same time, be open to revisiting in the future because an excellent millipede or potato bug might appear. Did I take the metaphor too far?) I agree with Christina F. and Isabel that some of what I’m doing is figuring out which brands do and don’t work for me so hopefully this will be easier in the future. Barbara Diane, I relate to your going in and out of frustration about online vs. b&m offerings and also to Sal’s characterization of online shopping as a mixed blessing. Cardiff girl, I can see your point about the good fortune of having a lot of choice (I am especially grateful that there is more opportunity for personal style than there was in past decades), but also share lisa p’s frustration that the offerings aren’t better. THIS IS RIDICULOUS IF I RAN THE UNIVERSE oh wait now I’m doing that thing Vix warned me about (and which I am very prone to lol). Ginger I appreciate your endorsement of NOT lowering my expectations for items, and Angie, thanks for popping back in. I get it: Lower my expectations for the % of items that will work out, but don’t lower my expectations about the items themselves. Yes. I went to return some things at Old Navy and Loft today, and tried on some other items in each store. Of course, many of the things I tried on did not work! Quite a large percentage were downright awful. But it was SO easy to just put them back on the rack and move on. I had an a-ha moment about how when you order something online there is this anticipation built in to the process — which is only heightened by those emails from the retailer informing you when your package has been shipped and when it is going to be delivered. So it is no wonder that this buildup of excitement leads to high expectations. I hope that now that I recognize this dynamic I can mitigate it a bit in the future. Suz, so many good suggestions in your post. Thank you! You made me realize that I am not sure that I want to move out of my comfort zone so much as I feel like I should. And now I am questioning that sense, and maybe revising my understanding of what “never say never” means. For example, white jeans. Everyone on YLF seems to love them! And, you all look great in your white jeans. But, the idea of white jeans for my own wardrobe leaves me cold. Just no appeal, no attraction. But I feel like I should try them! Because never say never, right? But maybe, what “never say never” means is that I should leave open the possibility of changing my mind, and trying white jeans when and if I feel drawn to them in the future. I do think I have a clear sense of my style aspirations and the look I want to cultivate. I haven’t written it down though, and I think maybe I should work on that. Writing things down always clarifies my thinking, and it would also be useful to share them with you all and get feedback. So now I have another good assignment for a shopping pause. Sterling, lisa p and Colette, I appreciate the commiseration more than you can know. I am sorry you are in this place with me but I hope some of the suggestions here have been useful to you as well. smittie, you know what works. Go you! Vix, YES on caring about color/style and this being a creative process/project. I relate to this so much. To paraphrase Dorothy Parker, I hate building a wardrobe, I love having built one. I hope you reach your end goal soon with a minimum of slog! DonnaF GREAT reframing that this means I am not settling! Kate how awesome that you have a pair of new shoes you are thrilled about and have decided to be satisfied with the rest of your summer fare. So much to admire in your approach! cindysmith I actually would like to make some of my clothes but finding/altering the right pattern turns out to be as tricky as finding a ready made garment! I do harbor some suspicion though that the time I spend shopping would be better spent sewing.... jussie, oh yeah, I wouldn’t shop online if I had to return by post! I shudder to think.... Again, thank you all so much for reading and commenting! SarahD8 on "Frustrated with Buy-Return cycle" https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/frustrated-with-buy-return-cycle/page/2#post-1910003 Wed, 18 Apr 2018 00:35:16 +0000 SarahD8 1910003@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ Thank you all for commenting. There is so much wisdom here! I'm on my phone right now so I will leave specific comments for later but I wanted to say that I am nodding along with each and every one of your comments and taking them to heart. jussie on "Frustrated with Buy-Return cycle" https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/frustrated-with-buy-return-cycle#post-1909973 Tue, 17 Apr 2018 22:59:15 +0000 jussie 1909973@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ Yeah I hear you. I mainly shop in b and m stores for this reason. I can’t be bothered returning so much stuff via the post. If I REALLY love the look of something online and know b&m near me won’t have it then I order. Anonymous on "Frustrated with Buy-Return cycle" https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/frustrated-with-buy-return-cycle#post-1909932 Tue, 17 Apr 2018 20:53:36 +0000 Anonymous 1909932@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ Colette is reminding me that sometimes I just give up looking for something if it's too difficult. I try to believe it's just as well. Jeans were the first things on that list and really, I can't say I miss them right now. LaPed on "Frustrated with Buy-Return cycle" https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/frustrated-with-buy-return-cycle#post-1909930 Tue, 17 Apr 2018 20:48:36 +0000 LaPed 1909930@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ Hah, thanks Ginger, I feel much more justified in my "No-more-second-chances" approach. I really think a little tunnel vision can be a good thing when it comes to clothes. Seems to be what puts the "personal" in personal style for a lot of people.  Cindy, I'm pretty sure even DIY'ers have lots of failures behind their successes. Maybe the ratio is somewhat better than shopping, but only because of the time invested into each individual piece. ;) cindysmith on "Frustrated with Buy-Return cycle" https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/frustrated-with-buy-return-cycle#post-1909927 Tue, 17 Apr 2018 20:42:46 +0000 cindysmith 1909927@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ I agree with Angie: even when I go to the mall or whatever, and try on lots & lots & lots of things, I might walk out with 2 or 3 winners out of dozens and dozens and dozens of garments that I tried on. Even when thrifting/consignment shopping, I may try on 20 items for every 1 I take home. It's a total pain either way, and I don't see any way out of it short of learning to sew and making my own stuff (which is SOOOOOO not happening LOL) Kate on "Frustrated with Buy-Return cycle" https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/frustrated-with-buy-return-cycle#post-1909915 Tue, 17 Apr 2018 20:32:52 +0000 Kate 1909915@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ I do understand your shopping frustrations, and I wholeheartedly commiserate with you. I don't care for brick and mortar shopping myself, because I have neither the time nor the the inclination to do so. The only time I find I enjoy it is when I travel. I do like online shopping, but it does take a while to find those retailers whose clothes work for you. Once you find those, and understand their sizing it becomes a lot easier. I have about three online retailers I buy from, and that's where I get 90%+ of my clothes. If I can't find what I want there, I just fold. I don't torture myself with an endless hunt. As I've gotten older, I have developed patience. Not in all things, but in some, and I'm grateful for it. Chris mentioned Ledonna's advice that we treat ourselves with a little grace and mercy. She is so right about that. I'm getting all bent out of shape with the approach of summer, which always brings us an extended period of high temps and appalling humidity. I loathe the humidity and pretty much feel the same way about summer clothes. So, taking Ledonna's advice to heart, I'm abdicating. No shopping for me this summer. I feel better already. I have enough to clothe myself. I will save my money for fall/winter clothes, which I do love.  Since I rarely have to go into my office, I can sit here  in my home office and work stark naked if I choose. Not that I would.... :) However, I did just buy a pair of summer oxfords in a color Born calls brown (not), and I call Palomina, with white soles. Love love love them. I'm set. Whew! Sal on "Frustrated with Buy-Return cycle" https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/frustrated-with-buy-return-cycle#post-1909913 Tue, 17 Apr 2018 20:30:57 +0000 Sal 1909913@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ I also find online shopping a mixed blessing - but I don't think there is an easy solution as retail options seem to be decreasing. I guess it helps if you know the brand and the sizing and the cut - but even with this information it is a minefield. How about using finds or Angie's picks for a while - if Angie recommends them at least the quality is there and you can get some idea of size and shape. I have only bought one item online this year - but usually I buy three or four. I find my best purchases in small boutiques locally that offer a range of labels - some NZ, some Australian and some more international. Colette on "Frustrated with Buy-Return cycle" https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/frustrated-with-buy-return-cycle#post-1909912 Tue, 17 Apr 2018 20:28:52 +0000 Colette 1909912@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ I’m in this space right now as well. For whatever reason even spring/summer shoes are difficult for me and I never had a problem in the past, I have what I think are very average feet. I’m overwhelmed right now so as much as I don’t want to I’m taking a break. Unless someone can find me jeans. I’m getting desperate and part of the problem is I don’t even know what I should be looking for. Anonymous on "Frustrated with Buy-Return cycle" https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/frustrated-with-buy-return-cycle#post-1909905 Tue, 17 Apr 2018 20:12:44 +0000 Anonymous 1909905@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ Yes, it's horrible but all of those disappointments are because you're learning which manufacturers work for you, and which sizes, styles, fabrics, etc. Maybe this is the education phase? I make very few returns now, and what worked for me was scaling back on extreme versions of trends and expecting to spend more on fewer, better items. I rarely buy from companies that have inconvenient return policies.  Most of the returns I make now are because sadly, inconsistency is common so I sometimes order two of the same item to compare for quality, condition and size. DonnaF on "Frustrated with Buy-Return cycle" https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/frustrated-with-buy-return-cycle#post-1909901 Tue, 17 Apr 2018 19:54:10 +0000 DonnaF 1909901@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ Consider it a victory that you return so much. It means that you are not settling! As a Petite, I order almost exclusively online and almost exclusively from Nordstrom because it is a one stop return. I could order from other places but I would rather go without than deal with the additional hassle of returns. It is a trade off. I would order widely if I needed something very specific like a MOB dress. Anonymous on "Frustrated with Buy-Return cycle" https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/frustrated-with-buy-return-cycle#post-1909884 Tue, 17 Apr 2018 18:47:47 +0000 Anonymous 1909884@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ Oh - you get all the commiseration you want from me, times 10.  I should know enough to back off and relax for awhile when I can't find anything, but I don't, because I want new clothes NOW.  It's so frustrating . I happened to be locked into this cycle right now, buying , taking home and trying on , and returning, and it's a f*ing waste of my, and anyone's , time!  Online shopping is even worse for those of us in Canada  - as has been discussed ad nauseam here on the forum .  I have been shopping a lot this past week or so, and have found little that interested me. Nothing excited me, and most of it was not for me. I am very, very particular, and refuse to relax my standards just to get dressed in the morning. I don't know what the answer is, other than to chill out for awhile.  I don't feel gratitude for a magnitude of choice, as was suggested in another reply; rather, I feel frustrated that a city the size of the one I live in cannot support better retailers.  Barbara Diane on "Frustrated with Buy-Return cycle" https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/frustrated-with-buy-return-cycle#post-1909878 Tue, 17 Apr 2018 18:32:11 +0000 Barbara Diane 1909878@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ I go in and out of frustration that my size isn’t in stores and considering my home as my dressing room. I hate the waste and time spent doing returns but maybe it is less expensive for stores than having more or larger B&M stores. I really prefer in store shopping but I need to do what I need to do. A salesperson complained that they do more online returns than sales and the stores might close. I said I didn’t have a choice and wanted the jobs and stores to stay. I did like my shopping pause. Christina F. on "Frustrated with Buy-Return cycle" https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/frustrated-with-buy-return-cycle#post-1909874 Tue, 17 Apr 2018 18:21:10 +0000 Christina F. 1909874@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ Ah, Sarah, you have the opposite problem of knowing too well what you want. The good news is that if your current wardrobe really is in good shape, then you should be able to take the time to find new items that really fit your specifications. You may also need to spend some time evaluating which brands really meet your quality preferences, like La Ped has done. Good luck! Vix on "Frustrated with Buy-Return cycle" https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/frustrated-with-buy-return-cycle#post-1909871 Tue, 17 Apr 2018 18:14:34 +0000 Vix 1909871@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ Hi Sarah -- So much great advice upthread. I'm right there with you this season for the first time in a while.  I'm trying to remember that because I care about color/style this is a creative process. And when it comes to creative projects, I'm someone who loves the strategy, the decision-making, and enjoying the outcome -- but the parts in-between hold little appeal. Making the returns, tracking the refunds, getting things altered...slog slog slog. What can I say, I'm a destination-focused type. So if you're this way at all I think you have to just tap into your patience. Remind yourself of your end goals, try to make yourself laugh whenever you catch yourself thinking, THIS IS RIDICULOUS IF I RAN THE UNIVERSE, and know that when you've got your foundation in place "dressing life" will be faster and more pleasurable! Anonymous on "Frustrated with Buy-Return cycle" https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/frustrated-with-buy-return-cycle#post-1909856 Tue, 17 Apr 2018 17:18:07 +0000 Anonymous 1909856@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ I’m not into buy return at all! That’s why I barely shop online! I feel much much more confident when something is an Angie pick. Anonymous on "Frustrated with Buy-Return cycle" https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/frustrated-with-buy-return-cycle#post-1909853 Tue, 17 Apr 2018 17:09:57 +0000 Anonymous 1909853@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ I am really glad you wrote this post because it reflects my state of mind.   It is nice to hear my frustrations echoed on the Forum.  It is also nice to hear the solid advice offered here.   Angie on "Frustrated with Buy-Return cycle" https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/frustrated-with-buy-return-cycle#post-1909845 Tue, 17 Apr 2018 17:01:17 +0000 Angie 1909845@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ Thanks Ginger. That's exactly what I meant (you are fab). AND I'll add that retailers change their merchandise strategies because retail buyers and management change. So don't ever categorically rule out a retailer FOREVER unless they have offended you ethically. I have one of those. Things can change for the better wrt the assortment.  And SarahD8, Ginger fine-tuned my point. I don't want you to lower your expectations about a particular item and whether it's right for you. I WANT you to be picky. I do think you need to adjust your online shopping expectations though. You can't expect most of the items you buy to work. Many more will be returned.  Suz on "Frustrated with Buy-Return cycle" https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/frustrated-with-buy-return-cycle#post-1909844 Tue, 17 Apr 2018 16:58:45 +0000 Suz 1909844@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ Hang in there! If you are in a wardrobe building phase and need to order online, this process does take a while. When I joined YLF I was wardrobe building from scratch and although I'm not a petite, my size is sometimes unavailable in store, and anyway, I live in a city without many B&M options. Over time, I've found that I make far fewer mistakes online. Yes, I still return things. But far fewer than in my first few years at this game.   I was nodding with all the above suggestions -- being kind to yourself, taking shopping breaks, tracking what you wear, accepting a few placeholders for now, taking note of which brands seem to fit best. In fact, if you're able, you might want to make a big-city trip to do some brand try-ons in store. Don't consider this as a buying mission. Just a trying mission. Even in a major city, they may not have your size in store. That's okay. Try on the nearest sizes of a bunch of different brands and make note of the ones that seem to work best for you. True, sizing within brands can also be inconsistent, but it's still useful to get a rough sense of how different manufacturers tend to cut.  Also, you say you want to move gently out of your comfort zone...so...what articles are easiest to fit, for you, as a rule? Typically it is tops or bottoms. It might be easiest to experiment in the area that is easiest to fit. It sounds from the example you gave (with the too-high neckline) as if figure flattery is a priority, so begin by trying trends that will flatter your shape and ignoring trends that won't. Pay attention to details -- if an item is a fun new shape but doesn't have a good neckline for you, wait until one with a better neckline appears. These details can make all the difference.  Recognize also that you are probably less willing to "settle" than you might have been, when thrifting. That makes sense -- the price point is so much higher.  Also, if you can, try on outfits vs. items when you're on your in-store mission, and take photos. With outfits, you'll be seeing proportions as they are meant to be vs. how the item works with what you happen to already own.  Also, do you have a clear sense of your style aspirations? What kind of look you'd like to cultivate? This can help you enormously in ruling things in or out.  Good luck -- it will get easier in time! Ginger on "Frustrated with Buy-Return cycle" https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/frustrated-with-buy-return-cycle#post-1909839 Tue, 17 Apr 2018 16:49:10 +0000 Ginger 1909839@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ FWIW, La Ped, I think you've taken Angie's advice to heart. You HAVE turned over all the retail stones - and figured out which ones don't work for you. Leaving a stone unturned would be writing off one of those stores *without* trying them. ;) Sarah, I know what you mean about too high, or precise, expectations. When I'm struggling with not finding something, sometimes I will sit down and think through exactly why I need that item and how non-negotiable my criteria is.  Maybe I can adjust what I'm looking for to fill a similar hole in creating outfits.  Or if I need it, and it's simply not to be found this season/year, maybe just add it to my HEWI list but not stress about finding it Right Now.  But don't downgrade your expectations just from some guilty nagging thought that you should in general not expect as much. I don't compromise on being able to wear a regular bra, because I know I will NOT be comfortable or happy without it. That cuts out about 90% of the summer tops last year and it looks like this year. Am I being too rigid? No, because regardless of how pretty it looks, I won't be happy wearing it. Buying it would be the true waste. Cardiff girl on "Frustrated with Buy-Return cycle" https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/frustrated-with-buy-return-cycle#post-1909830 Tue, 17 Apr 2018 16:38:10 +0000 Cardiff girl 1909830@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ Obviously a lot of good advice has already been given so I won’t repeat that,What I would say is that in a way the way you are feeling is due to all our good fortune of having a lot of choice,l think the world was a simpler place years ago when there was a lot less choice.Nowadays we are so overwhelmed with it and that awful feeling that if I purchase that now I’m bound to see something better next week.If it’s all feeling a bit much at the moment I think I d take a break from it and do something else for a while. LaPed on "Frustrated with Buy-Return cycle" https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/frustrated-with-buy-return-cycle#post-1909825 Tue, 17 Apr 2018 16:23:27 +0000 LaPed 1909825@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ I hear you on all these points. I know Angie says to "leave no retail stone unturned" but honestly, except in the case of a true long-standing HEWI, there are A LOT of brands that I've taken off my radar. These include Loft, Gap, BR, and J Crew, because my success rate when I've tried them in the past few years has been so low it isn't worth my time to look. I have go-to brands (Boden, Uniqlo, Everlane, Patagonia -- a really sizeable portion of my new purchases are from these four) and always try those first. It saves me precious time, since I'm not trying to slog through other brands looking for diamonds in the rough. I still return things, but not nearly at the same rate as when I was buying willy-nilly from every brand imaginable. But it did take some time up front to figure out which brands work for which types of item. And it's required me to really tame my FOMO and not open every single email promotion under the sun, thinking that something will fit better once it's 40% off. I also cross off my list any company with whom I experience poor or frustrating customer service, even if I like the product line and the company's ethos. Might seem too knee-jerk, but there are just SO MANY options out there, I'm not going to go back to the ones that have disappointed me in the past. I wish I did as much secondhand shopping as I used to, but the clothing selection is really disappointing at my nearest thrift store (though I've gotten some great dishes and flatware there), and the shops I do like are all 30-60 minutes away, and not at all convenient to my daily commute, so I have to really plan to go there. I also feel like thrift offerings are beginning to suffer due to fast fashion. I'm really tired of having to sift through pilled tees and bagged-out skinny jeans from Target and Old Navy that cost almost as much secondhand as they did new. Thrifting has always been hit or miss, but it seems like all the good stuff now goes to consignment, or maybe someone savvier than me scoops it all up and resells it on Ebay/Etsy for triple the price... Sorry, now I'm ranting too. :) I think GF's suggestion of taking breaks is a good one. I'm also thinking I need to impose arbitrary limits on the number of items I purchase each year -- maybe a "French Five" inspired approach like Jenn does -- and give myself permission to shop brands with higher price tags but more reliable quality, or who are doing something really distinctive and special. I realize that being able to make that kind of choice is a privilege of having my wardrobe in a good place, and enough income to play around a little. SarahD8 on "Frustrated with Buy-Return cycle" https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/frustrated-with-buy-return-cycle#post-1909822 Tue, 17 Apr 2018 16:17:31 +0000 SarahD8 1909822@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ Thank you ALL for your very kind words and gentle encouragement! I am feeling better already. Janet, efgben, Sisi, and AviaMariah I am relieved to know that it's not just me! Angie, as always you provide such helpful and practical advice. You are absolutely right that finding 2 things that work out of 20 tried on would be par for the course for an in-person shopping trip. (When thrifting, I frequently try on 30 or even 40 items to find 1 or 2 that work and consider the outing a "success"!) I do think there is something psychologically different about having bought an item vs. just having brought it to the dressing room to try on, but it is well worth trying to reframe that in my mind. The convenience of having something delivered to my home and the availability of a larger range of sizes online are both huge benefits! Chris987, you provide many excellent suggestions but I especially appreciate the advice to track purchases and returns more closely. (I love the information I get from tracking things!) Great point that this could help me identify retailers that are just not working for me. I hope you find your LBD!!! gradfashionista, AviaMariah, and Chris987 the suggestion to take a break is a good one. Christina F. and gradfashionista I am also thinking about what you said about shopping for true needs and not having a strong idea of what I want. I think sometimes I have a TOO strong idea of what I want! (Example: I want a knit tank with narrow Breton stripes in white and clear navy with a scoop neckline and 1.5" shoulder straps that is 25" from shoulder to hem.) Then I get down on myself for being too rigid, and think I should be more open minded and try something that ticks some of those boxes. That said, I think it would be worth taking some time to identify the difference between true wardrobe holes and nice-to-haves, so that I could focus my efforts on the highest priority items. Finally, I appreciate your nice comments about my existing wardrobe Christina F. and Sisi! It's good to be reminded that I'm further along than I think....