YouLookFab Forum » Topic: Follow Up!

YouLookFab Forum » Topic: Follow Up! https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/follow-up-1 Style Advice for Fashion Lovers en-US Mon, 20 Apr 2026 10:34:56 +0000 http://bbpress.org/?v=1.0.2 <![CDATA[Search]]> q https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/search.php Eirlys on "Follow Up!" https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/follow-up-1#post-2058274 Thu, 05 Sep 2019 18:46:02 +0000 Eirlys 2058274@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ Yesterday I had a lovely bouquet from Flying Flowers. The actual senders were my old Uni friend and her husband. I have known both  65 years. The flowers were sent for no special reason other than to recall happy memories. It was a lovely surprise and made my day.  (It's another way someone can be "helped") Thank you, Echo and Joy, for your really kind thoughts.  Anonymous on "Follow Up!" https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/follow-up-1#post-2057344 Mon, 02 Sep 2019 04:42:48 +0000 Anonymous 2057344@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ Dear, sweet, Eirlys, I hope that you get in touch with friends old and new. Some, who are widows, will especially welcome someone to go anywhere with. Join groups like PEO. These ladies become like sisters. You have so much to offer. Echo on "Follow Up!" https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/follow-up-1#post-2057332 Mon, 02 Sep 2019 03:23:48 +0000 Echo 2057332@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ Oh, Eirlys, I am so sorry I did not see this thread sooner. My heart goes out to you and your family for the loss of your beloved husband. The amount of grace and strength you are displaying is truly inspirational, just as your previous post was not indulgent, but instead gave voice to many of the same insecurities we all feel. I admire you for taking life head-on, learning new things and having new experiences.  Eirlys on "Follow Up!" https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/follow-up-1#post-2057236 Sun, 01 Sep 2019 17:57:08 +0000 Eirlys 2057236@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ I prefer people to talk to me about my late husband ; not avoid the subject. In this way I feel he lives on. My lovely sister died of pancreatic cancer in 1997 but I think of her every day and my family often mention her ; as we do my ex-evacuee who died just before Christmas 2018.  I miss the friends that have gone before but give thanks that I knew them; that we spent enjoyable years together. Not even Death can take away happy memories.  How best to help? I like e-mail even if the message consists of only one or two lines. I have one penfriend who does just that. It feels as if we are chatting over the garden wall. My two neighbours pop in with tiny jars of home made jams and chutneys: another brings me honeycombs. A third talks fashion and "beauty" and keeps me in touch. My husband used to laugh at us and we can "see" him in his favourite chair shaking his head at the idea of an Oldie trying to be "with it" Taking someone out to lunch really helps. Going for a walk;  window shopping: treating them to a movie.; being a good listener......that is particularly important. One cannot help a truly depressed person : I think only a doctor can do that, but one can be there to offer transport and companionship. Every now and then I stay overnight at our daughter's home. We watch Star Trek films ; eat an Indian takeaway, and I spend the night there. The emphasis is on occasionally : it's a little treat. One thing I would emphasise. Tell everyone you care for that you LOVE them. Anonymous on "Follow Up!" https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/follow-up-1#post-2056512 Thu, 29 Aug 2019 06:02:02 +0000 Anonymous 2056512@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ I, for one, would much appreciate anything you can say about how best to help someone who has lost a spouse..what to do and say that is horrible and that is helpful. My best life-long friend has a DH who has stage 4/ 5 pancreatic cancer. He is a giant among men but also a teddy bear. I have several friends that will probably experience loses before long as I just turned 73. My own DH has heart problems. bridgie on "Follow Up!" https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/follow-up-1#post-2052833 Tue, 13 Aug 2019 21:30:49 +0000 bridgie 2052833@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ Eirlys, Bless you.  I just want to say, the people who do anything for you do so because they want to and it gives them a sense of being helpful, so let them do for you and you enjoy it.  I know you have done a lot and will continue to do so for a lot of people! Eirlys on "Follow Up!" https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/follow-up-1#post-2052516 Mon, 12 Aug 2019 19:05:05 +0000 Eirlys 2052516@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ Thank you, All, again for your so-helpful comments. Today two good friends came for coffee and I took them out to lunch instead of cooking as usual. My friend's husband was at Primary school with my husband so he found it difficult at the beginning. Taking them out to an old inn nearby helped them, and it helped me. I have started o move out of my comfort zone. Yesterday our lovely daughter took me to a nearby farm for ice cream in their garden and then back to her home for a roast dinner. She misses her dad very much and I have told her she is not to feel she has to look after me. Her reply was that taking me out meant she forced herself to leave the house and do something different. So I guess we are helping each other! It's early days, I know, and some days will be better than others, but I've made a start! Bijou on "Follow Up!" https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/follow-up-1#post-2052224 Sun, 11 Aug 2019 13:47:10 +0000 Bijou 2052224@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ Eirlys, I am another who is in awe of your grace, bravery and strength. Living your life with joy is the best way to honour your husband. A marriage that lasts 62 years is an amazing partnership and achievement, I am so sorry for your loss. The Cat on "Follow Up!" https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/follow-up-1#post-2052113 Sat, 10 Aug 2019 21:30:17 +0000 The Cat 2052113@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ I am sorry for your loss, Eirlys, and you have my sympathy. I admire you for your determination to start a new chapter in your life with all you wrote about in your last paragraph, and I wish you much love, Joy and happiness. LACeleste on "Follow Up!" https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/follow-up-1#post-2052072 Sat, 10 Aug 2019 16:08:54 +0000 LACeleste 2052072@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ My sincere condolences.  I am so sorry.  Wishing you peace. As many members have said, there is real strength in vulnerability and I admire you greatly. Anonymous on "Follow Up!" https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/follow-up-1#post-2052004 Sat, 10 Aug 2019 05:01:35 +0000 Anonymous 2052004@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ I am so sorry that you lost your dear husband. After 62 years. I can’t even imagine how to pick the pieces and carry on. What Angie said. May you have lots of good help and support. You are beautiful inside and out. Angie on "Follow Up!" https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/follow-up-1#post-2051929 Fri, 09 Aug 2019 22:50:25 +0000 Angie 2051929@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ My deep condolences. This is devastating and I'm so very sorry, Eirlys. What a stressful time for you and your family. My heart goes out to you. I wish you strength and peace, tenderness and support from loved ones, and the happiest of memories for your soul. Nurture yourself, and we're here to help however we can. Much love to you. xo kkards on "Follow Up!" https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/follow-up-1#post-2051885 Fri, 09 Aug 2019 21:04:30 +0000 kkards 2051885@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ Eirlys...I’m sorry for your loss. How stressful the past few months must have been, and how stressful the next will be. please don’t feel sorry for what you posted here. If you can’t whine to friends, if you can be your most vulnerable with them, then who can you be. And although most of us haven’t meet, I do feel that we are friends. Style Fan on "Follow Up!" https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/follow-up-1#post-2051869 Fri, 09 Aug 2019 20:25:47 +0000 Style Fan 2051869@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ Eirlys, I am so sorry for your loss.  It is so difficult to lose a partner.  I am glad that you have shared your life experiences with us.  Thank you.  I wish you all the best. Suz on "Follow Up!" https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/follow-up-1#post-2051798 Fri, 09 Aug 2019 16:11:54 +0000 Suz 2051798@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ Eirlys, I'm so very sorry for your loss. What a long time you had together and how many changes you must have undergone in that time. I wish for your peace and courage for your next steps. What you outline -- the culling, the decision to keep learning, to allow yourself some lovely treats—this sounds like the best medicine. You're an inspiration. Thank you for sharing all your moments with us -- good and hard.  Peri on "Follow Up!" https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/follow-up-1#post-2051756 Fri, 09 Aug 2019 13:33:20 +0000 Peri 2051756@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ I am so glad you are here, and so grateful for this post. Thank you. And also thank you for the other one, nothing to feel bad about. It was a reminder for us too, to "see ourselves as others see us". The good others that is! Tammyb on "Follow Up!" https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/follow-up-1#post-2051737 Fri, 09 Aug 2019 10:48:56 +0000 Tammyb 2051737@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ Eirlys, I am so sorry for your loss. It is unimaginable to me (married 25 years to my high school sweetheart). I admire your strength and courage and am cheering for you as you start a new chapter. We all have our moments and our insecurities, and I am happy you posted this and the other, because you have found a community that is going to lift you up and support you! Tammy Sisi on "Follow Up!" https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/follow-up-1#post-2051735 Fri, 09 Aug 2019 10:30:58 +0000 Sisi 2051735@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ Dear Eirlys, I am very sorry for your loss. Thank you for sharing this. I am in awe with your bravery and your capability of making plans despite the grief.  You are inspirational. I wish you all the best. Hugs. Jaime on "Follow Up!" https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/follow-up-1#post-2051698 Fri, 09 Aug 2019 03:32:00 +0000 Jaime 2051698@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ Sympathies for your loss and admiration for your bravery. I love Gryffin's message, and her Middlemarch quote. (It always amazes me how little people have changed despite the enormous changes in the world around us.) You are an inspiration! bj1111 on "Follow Up!" https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/follow-up-1#post-2051609 Thu, 08 Aug 2019 20:44:19 +0000 bj1111 2051609@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ When life is well, complaints about the little things, superficial things are legitimate expressions and no less worthy of expression. When circumstances change, we focus on the big things, important things about who we are and what we want to be. Thank you for sharing this even during your time of grief. I want to be you in due time! Graceful, positive, forward looking. Anonymous on "Follow Up!" https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/follow-up-1#post-2051550 Thu, 08 Aug 2019 17:32:05 +0000 Anonymous 2051550@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ I'm so sorry Hugs! Ditto gryffin! We all feel bad about ourselves sometimes. Just because its not shared on here doesn't mean it doesn't exist! Jane on "Follow Up!" https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/follow-up-1#post-2051548 Thu, 08 Aug 2019 17:29:40 +0000 Jane 2051548@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ I am so sorry to hear of your loss and sending you healing thoughts and prayers. Your post touched many of us and so even though looking back on it now, it doesn’t feel appropriate, it felt right to many of us at that time judging by the comments at the time and those above above and listening to my own feelings, it still feels genuine and authentic and not something to feel ashamed of. karen13 on "Follow Up!" https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/follow-up-1#post-2051546 Thu, 08 Aug 2019 17:23:54 +0000 karen13 2051546@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ So sorry to for your devastating loss and so glad to hear you are finding ways to heal. You are an inspiration. Cardiff girl on "Follow Up!" https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/follow-up-1#post-2051536 Thu, 08 Aug 2019 17:10:54 +0000 Cardiff girl 2051536@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ So hard to lose a partner that you ve been with for a lifetime but you are an inspiration in the way that you are meeting this new challenge with so much positivity.I wish you all the luck in the world as you embark on your new way of life. kellygirl on "Follow Up!" https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/follow-up-1#post-2051484 Thu, 08 Aug 2019 13:35:25 +0000 kellygirl 2051484@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ So sorry for your loss, Erlys. I'm nodding along with the sentiments above that were said above so eloquently. Wishing you strength for the the next leg of your journey. Hugs! ChristelJ on "Follow Up!" https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/follow-up-1#post-2051482 Thu, 08 Aug 2019 13:29:19 +0000 ChristelJ 2051482@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ <div>I am so sorry you lost your husband. Thank you for this follow up post. What gryffin said about sharing your vulnerability and how that is a real gift is very true. It is wonderful to hear from you about what you are feeling and thinking, and your words touch my heart and so many others' hearts in a meaningful way. </div><div> </div><div>The ideas for your new chapter in life sound terrific, and I wish you joy and contentment and everything good as you go forward. </div><div> </div> gryffin on "Follow Up!" https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/follow-up-1#post-2051471 Thu, 08 Aug 2019 12:14:10 +0000 gryffin 2051471@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ Eirlys - my deepest sympathies on the loss of your beloved husband.  I can't imagine - but I'm beaming strength and hugs to you.  What you did was not a "pathetic whinge."  It was incredibly courageous.  It's easy to share a moment of joy.  It's easy to hide away pain and pretend it does not exist.  What's difficult is saying out loud "I'm scared, I'm lonely, I'm afraid..."  To do that makes you vulnerable.  But it's a gift to yourself and others.  Your gift is you validate that same fear and loneliness that we all feel.  It's the nature of the human condition, but it gives people an opportunity to connect, to reach out in the dark, friends or strangers, and share that bond.  Breaking past those bonds, touching emotionally in a real, raw substantive way - well doesn't that give meaning to life.  And when you are not afraid to do that any more - to reach out - it brings light, fellowship and warmth into your life and into everyone's you touch.  Bravo brave brave girl!!  Remember George Elliot's Middlemarch.  “But the effect of her being on those around her was incalculably diffusive: for the growing good of the world is partly dependent on unhistoric acts; and that things are not so ill with you and me as they might have been, is half owing to the number who lived faithfully a hidden life, and rest in unvisited tombs.”  Much love to you.   bridgie on "Follow Up!" https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/follow-up-1#post-2051465 Thu, 08 Aug 2019 11:54:10 +0000 bridgie 2051465@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ Wishing the best for you Eirlys. rachylou on "Follow Up!" https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/follow-up-1#post-2051464 Thu, 08 Aug 2019 11:53:38 +0000 rachylou 2051464@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ We all have our moments, do we not? You have such grace, Eirlys. Such grace! Eirlys on "Follow Up!" https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/follow-up-1#post-2051443 Thu, 08 Aug 2019 09:42:55 +0000 Eirlys 2051443@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ I wrote some time ago about "Ugliness' and I am now ashamed I actually posted my problem. Since then I have nursed,  and lost, my husband. We had been married for 62 years. I now realise what a pathetic whinge I posted when there are so many things one has to be grateful for, I posted in a weak moment.  I married a good man. If he had a fault it was that he protected me too much throughout our marriage. Our Offspring are very caring and also protective ; they want me to be comfortable, happy, and to enjoy life for as long as I am able.  Yesterday Older Son took me around some lovely gardens and I found I was able to be comfortable "in my own skin". I talked to strangers and forgot my insecurities. Why? I realise now that life is short, too short to be silly about insecurities, real or not. I have re-read the comments so many left when I posted earlier. I am humbled by the wonderful advice so many gave me; surprised, also, that some feel as I do/did. Maybe we are affected, even subconsciously,  by the  so-called "perfect" lives led by so many on line. We forget that often these lives have no real basis. It is so easy to post an image of one enjoying a foreign holiday ; a glass of wine ; a tasty meal. Is that really St Moritz or a nearby beauty spot?  Is it the best red wine, or grape juice?  I now start a new chapter in my life.  I have started serious de-cluttering; I am culling my wardrobe. I intend to learn a new language: find pen friends: treat myself to twice-weekly hair-do's; eat out more. It won't be easy at first, but the resolve is there. That resolve comes from the encouraging help so many of you gave  me. My THANKS.