https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/feeling-sad-and-anxious-as-i-provoke-a-relationship-watershed Style Advice for Fashion Lovers en-US Sat, 25 Apr 2026 13:06:36 +0000 http://bbpress.org/?v=1.0.2 q https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/search.php https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/feeling-sad-and-anxious-as-i-provoke-a-relationship-watershed/page/2#post-1422732 Sun, 11 Jan 2015 18:26:57 +0000 MsMary 1422732@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ <p>Michelle, I am just now seeing this.&nbsp; Sending all my love and support.&nbsp; And I just want to let you know that although change is very hard, it is often for the best.&nbsp; I stayed in my marriage for 15 years, hoping to get what I wanted and begging my husband to change, and when I finally left it was sad and scary and awful, but... oh my gosh!&nbsp; Life on the other side is so much better than I could ever have imagined when I was stuck in an unsatisfying relationship!&nbsp; So please stick to your guns and leave if you aren't getting what you need.</p> <p>And yes, the only way out is through.&nbsp; You can do this. </p> https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/feeling-sad-and-anxious-as-i-provoke-a-relationship-watershed/page/2#post-1422712 Sun, 11 Jan 2015 17:16:11 +0000 Ornella 1422712@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ <p>Michelle, I have no wisdom to share, but I wanted to chime in&nbsp;at these difficult times&nbsp;as a forum friend and as&nbsp;your long time admirer, and say you are on my mind constantly ever since I had read the first post. I actually remember when you were mentioning the problems in you relationship long ago, before your recent&nbsp;prolonged absence, and I had a feeling even then that the situation&nbsp;was eroding for you on many levels. I am sorry to read just how hard it has been. MsMary had once written "The only way is through". No matter what happens, you will know you did everything in your power to preserve and better things,&nbsp;and with maximum consideration for your partner's feelings and depression. Your graceful&nbsp;attitude and&nbsp;emotional intelligence have most certainly been reasons why you kept searching&nbsp;the long-term&nbsp;resolution beyond the point when you probably knew it made no more sense. But, it takes two to make a relationship.&nbsp;The efforts&nbsp;of such scale must be reciprocated. Your are now left with no options but to set you both free from what does not sound like enriching and fulfilling partnership. It takes great courage to do that.</p> <div><br /></div> </p> https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/feeling-sad-and-anxious-as-i-provoke-a-relationship-watershed/page/2#post-1422655 Sun, 11 Jan 2015 14:54:07 +0000 Janet 1422655@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ <p>Michelle, I am very late to this, but I am in full admiration and support for you. To me, it is obvious you are doing the very right thing. You've tried, and you are very clearly filled with compassion and care for him. But I am close to a few people who are in relationships that are more like having a roommate than a soulmate, and I know that they -- and you -- deserve better. I also have someone very close to me who struggles with mental illness, and it can be such a rollercoaster. The person needs to be open and committed to being well and staying on track with meds and therapy. Otherwise, as you've seen, the result is a disassociated, shut-down person who is not capable of loving themselves, much less a partner.</p> <p>I will be thinking of you and sending good vibes as this plays out. I thought the same thing as Echo -- he might finally read the letter and then not respond, leaving you to re-initiate the dialog all over again. In my experience, people in deep depression can be terribly passive-aggressive (even though they don't realize what they're doing). </p> <p>I am hoping for the best possible outcome for you. What you're doing is brave and very difficult, but I know you will get through and be much happier for it. Sending big hugs! </p> https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/feeling-sad-and-anxious-as-i-provoke-a-relationship-watershed/page/2#post-1422636 Sun, 11 Jan 2015 14:21:44 +0000 Suz 1422636@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ <p>Michelle, I came back this morning to read that you still have no resolution. I was worried that something like this might happen. You've tried so hard to prevent a direct confrontation but you might have to initiate it anyway. I'm sad about that on your behalf.&nbsp;</p> <p>I have found the responses here so kind and wise and it has done me good to read them, too. So thank you for risking yourself by sharing with us.&nbsp;</p> <p>As usual Sarah the White offered such wisdom that I simply have to echo her. As I read what she said, it occurred to me that -- in my own life -- every single important decision I've made has been painful! With the possible exception of the decision to move to the city where I currently live. I gave up things and miss my old city, even decades later. But it's not so far that I can't visit, and in the end it has been a good place to be.&nbsp;Anyway, the move itself wasn't fraught, so at the time,&nbsp;it felt pain free and relatively easy to do.&nbsp;</p> <p>But all the others? Oh...<b>so</b> much indecision, sorrow, or&nbsp;confusion leading up to them, and often for some&nbsp;time afterwards.&nbsp;</p> <p>My own personal examples?&nbsp;</p> <p>Leaving my first marriage to a man I still loved but felt irreconcilably at odds with (whether that perception was grounded or not, it's what I felt.)&nbsp;</p> <p>Deciding not to practice law after studying for it. &nbsp;</p> <p>Entering a relationship with someone who had children from a previous marriage. (A whole new set of complications and a steep learning curve.)</p> <p>Deciding to commit to writing despite the likelihood of failure in the world's sense.&nbsp;</p> <p>Adopting a child after infertility.&nbsp;</p> <p>Leaving my current job.&nbsp;</p> <p>There are times when we simply have to take that leap and speak up for who we are and what we want and need -- no matter what. This is one of those times for you, and I wish you continued strength and clarity and you go forward.&nbsp;</p> <p> </p> https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/feeling-sad-and-anxious-as-i-provoke-a-relationship-watershed/page/2#post-1422635 Sun, 11 Jan 2015 14:19:33 +0000 cheryle (Dianthus) 1422635@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ <p>I haven't read the other responses Michelle but know that they will be filled with compassion and wisdom.</p> <p>I read recently that the greatest mistake any person can make is to stay in a relationship because of fear of change or loneliness. &nbsp;You are a strong and intelligent woman so you know the rational reasons and will make an informed decision that works for you and for your partner. &nbsp;Perhaps that is a different type of relationship or perhaps it will be an end of a relationship. &nbsp;Whatever decision you make will be well thought out. &nbsp;None of us can know what the future holds and change can be scary but it can also bring new opportunities for greater happiness. &nbsp;</p> <p>(((hugs)))</p> https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/feeling-sad-and-anxious-as-i-provoke-a-relationship-watershed/page/2#post-1422588 Sun, 11 Jan 2015 05:57:01 +0000 Sharon 1422588@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ <p>Thinking of you, Michelle. I have been in a situation in my marriage where I recognised that my happiness was dependent on my husband's willingness to change. I know how scary it is to risk everything and how hard it is to be in a place where you feel you&nbsp;have to. Sometimes, circumstances can just overwhelm the resources that you have as a couple. I hope this can open up a dialogue that will help you both to get to a happier place, no matter what that may look like in the end. xxx </p> https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/feeling-sad-and-anxious-as-i-provoke-a-relationship-watershed/page/2#post-1422581 Sun, 11 Jan 2015 05:25:12 +0000 Echo 1422581@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ <p>Michelle, I am so sorry you are going through this. It is clear that you still very much respect and care for this man and his feelings, and I hope that he is receptive to re-opening communication and improving the relationship. However, even if he is not, please remember that it is not a reflection of you, but instead of his own short-comings. You are so warm and kind and tender-hearted. Many people would have given up entirely by this point, and the fact that you are still willing to work things through speaks volumes about your character.</p> <p>My concern is that even when he DOES notice the letter, he may or may not respond. If he has been so distant for so long, he may have walled himself off emotionally so far that he is actually unable to properly deal with this. His response may be denial, which will still leave you living on pins and needles waiting for a response and a discussion that never comes.</p> <p>I hope that doesn't happen, but in the meantime perhaps you need to decide what is right for you in the case he doesn't respond. Perhaps you need to work out a timeline in your own head for when you need to move on if he is not receptive. I wish I could hug you in person, as this is such a draining thing to be experiencing.&nbsp;</p> https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/feeling-sad-and-anxious-as-i-provoke-a-relationship-watershed/page/2#post-1422534 Sun, 11 Jan 2015 03:39:42 +0000 abc 1422534@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ <p>Hugs sent your way. Enjoy your evening as much as you can. Xoxoxo </p> https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/feeling-sad-and-anxious-as-i-provoke-a-relationship-watershed/page/2#post-1422522 Sun, 11 Jan 2015 03:24:08 +0000 Michelle 1422522@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ <p>Thank you, once again, to those who have weighed in with such loving, thoughtful, and sustaining words. Particular thanks to those who have shared personal stories. That couldn't have been easy, and I'm deeply touched by your efforts to comfort me. They've worked, too. The individual accounts you've shared have kept up my courage through what's turned out to be a maddening day.<br />Guess what? He never saw the letter. It's been on his desk since 11 this morning, and it was still lying there untouched when he went to bed at, wait for it, 8:30 P.M!<br />If he hasn't acknowledged it by the time we're both up tomorrow, I will at least draw his attention to it. I can't take another day on these tenterhooks! That said, I am unwinding tonight with thai food and a Jane Austen movie, so the day isn't a complete bust. :)</p> <p>Anyway, ladies, I thank you again and will provide more updates tomorrow. Much as I dread this, I really do hope there's more to share.<br />&nbsp;Your reply </p> https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/feeling-sad-and-anxious-as-i-provoke-a-relationship-watershed/page/2#post-1422495 Sun, 11 Jan 2015 02:41:13 +0000 SarahTheWhite 1422495@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ <p>Michelle,</p> <p>I am just now reading this, but wanted to let you know that I respect you so much for your gentle and thoughtful approach and obvious care for your man's feelings, even while you are opening an extremely difficult discussion. No matter what the outcome, I think that you should be able to feel peaceful and confident in having handled this with wisdom and grace.</p> <p>The only comfort that I can offer is that in the deepest waters of my life, I have always fallen back on one truth - that the measurement of the "right" decision is not how easy and pain free it is. Some of the clearest "right" decisions I have made or been involved in have resulted in painful outcomes. While this sounds like possibly the most depressing encouragement anyone might offer, I can tell you that the intense peace felt during those painful times far outweighed any temporary comfort there might have been in staying stuck in the familiar and easy choice. Please know that my thoughts are with you as you wait, and later, as you work through whatever results from this wonderful attempt towards open honest communication. </p> <p>With much admiration,<br /> Sarah </p> https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/feeling-sad-and-anxious-as-i-provoke-a-relationship-watershed/page/2#post-1422481 Sun, 11 Jan 2015 02:11:28 +0000 Suz 1422481@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ <p>Oooh -- that is so so difficult. Very tough to wait. Thinking of you....xoxoxox&nbsp; </p> https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/feeling-sad-and-anxious-as-i-provoke-a-relationship-watershed/page/2#post-1422473 Sun, 11 Jan 2015 02:00:05 +0000 shedev 1422473@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ <p>Sending you hugs, I hope things work out. </p> https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/feeling-sad-and-anxious-as-i-provoke-a-relationship-watershed/page/2#post-1422458 Sun, 11 Jan 2015 01:26:32 +0000 DonnaF 1422458@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ <p>Michelle, I'm holding you in my heart and thoughts.&nbsp; Glad you came to us. </p> https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/feeling-sad-and-anxious-as-i-provoke-a-relationship-watershed/page/2#post-1422441 Sun, 11 Jan 2015 00:22:36 +0000 Caro in Oz 1422441@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ <p>Nothing to add to the wisdom here. Just wanted to let you know I'm thinking of you too Michelle - &amp; give you&nbsp;big virtual hugs </p> https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/feeling-sad-and-anxious-as-i-provoke-a-relationship-watershed/page/2#post-1422434 Sat, 10 Jan 2015 23:51:46 +0000 Joyce B 1422434@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ <p>Michelle, I hope things resolve in a way that is favorable and brings peace to your heart. </p> https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/feeling-sad-and-anxious-as-i-provoke-a-relationship-watershed/page/2#post-1422401 Sat, 10 Jan 2015 22:38:30 +0000 Alassë 1422401@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ <p>I'm sorry, Michelle, but at the same time glad to hear that you finally took the step you've been thinking about so long. I think you made the right choice. I will keep checking this thread for updates. </p> https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/feeling-sad-and-anxious-as-i-provoke-a-relationship-watershed/page/2#post-1422396 Sat, 10 Jan 2015 22:34:41 +0000 Transcona Shannon 1422396@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ <p>Just letting you know I'm thinking of you. </p> https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/feeling-sad-and-anxious-as-i-provoke-a-relationship-watershed/page/2#post-1422386 Sat, 10 Jan 2015 22:25:47 +0000 Michelle 1422386@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ <p>Beyond overwhelmed by all of you. I'm inexpressibly grateful for your love and support and return it all in triplicate.<br />I have nothing to report at the moment because...he hasn't openedt the letter. That's his prorogative, of course. I did things this way so that he could pick and choose his time. But it's stressful. I will let you all know when I have something more concrete to report. <br />Your reply </p> https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/feeling-sad-and-anxious-as-i-provoke-a-relationship-watershed#post-1422342 Sat, 10 Jan 2015 21:34:42 +0000 tulle 1422342@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ <p>Michelle, I can only imagine how painful things are for you right now.&nbsp; When someone asks for imput on a situation like yours, where guilt and self-doubt make decisions so difficult, my response is always the same:&nbsp; If you were hearing this story from a dear friend, how would you advise her?&nbsp; (Hint: We are generally much kinder to our friends than to ourselves.)&nbsp; Then go ahead and be your own dearest friend. </p> <p>Wishing you and your husband greater understanding and real happiness in this new year. </p> https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/feeling-sad-and-anxious-as-i-provoke-a-relationship-watershed#post-1422301 Sat, 10 Jan 2015 20:12:34 +0000 catgirl 1422301@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ <p>Michelle, it's hard for me to type long replies on my mini iPad so I'll be back. For now I just want to send a hug and reiterate that you have so much support here, whatever happens. This group has more collective wisdom than anywhere else I know. </p> https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/feeling-sad-and-anxious-as-i-provoke-a-relationship-watershed#post-1422281 Sat, 10 Jan 2015 19:28:43 +0000 abc 1422281@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ <p>Your post was so eloquent and I can tell you have really thought about this a lot. I, too, am here for you and am so proud to be part of such a supportive group of online friends. Hugs and support to you in this challenging time. </p> https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/feeling-sad-and-anxious-as-i-provoke-a-relationship-watershed#post-1422257 Sat, 10 Jan 2015 19:04:34 +0000 Louise 1422257@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ <p>You are so brave, I wish I'd had the courage to end my relationship when I knew it wasn't working rather than hanging on and hanging hoping things would change and then being absolutely distraught when he ended it. I hope you find peace with whatever may come your way in the next few hours. Keep us posted x&nbsp; </p> https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/feeling-sad-and-anxious-as-i-provoke-a-relationship-watershed#post-1422203 Sat, 10 Jan 2015 17:27:58 +0000 Debbie 1422203@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ <p>Thinking of you. Hope you are relaxing at the salon. </p> https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/feeling-sad-and-anxious-as-i-provoke-a-relationship-watershed#post-1422191 Sat, 10 Jan 2015 17:16:46 +0000 Kari 1422191@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ <p>Thinking of you today. Hope you can relax and pamper yourself a bit at the hair salon. Hugs to you, and wishing you strength and support. </p> https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/feeling-sad-and-anxious-as-i-provoke-a-relationship-watershed#post-1422166 Sat, 10 Jan 2015 16:38:27 +0000 viva 1422166@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ <p>Thinking of you Michelle. You are brave and strong, and I admire your capacity for both patience and self-care. Sending you support today. xx </p> https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/feeling-sad-and-anxious-as-i-provoke-a-relationship-watershed#post-1422144 Sat, 10 Jan 2015 16:12:01 +0000 Angie 1422144@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ <p>I'm checking in again too. Hoping that the app at the hair salon is soothing. xo </p> https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/feeling-sad-and-anxious-as-i-provoke-a-relationship-watershed#post-1422141 Sat, 10 Jan 2015 16:06:49 +0000 Diana 1422141@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ <p>Big hugs,Michelle. Sometimes these things need to be done but they can be so tough. I wish you strength, peace, and the best possible resolution, whatever that may be. </p> https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/feeling-sad-and-anxious-as-i-provoke-a-relationship-watershed#post-1422135 Sat, 10 Jan 2015 15:54:33 +0000 Suz 1422135@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ <p>Just checking in again this morning, Michelle. I think your plan of action is a good one. We are all supporting you and will check in again later on today.&nbsp;</p> <p>Much love.&nbsp; </p> https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/feeling-sad-and-anxious-as-i-provoke-a-relationship-watershed#post-1422128 Sat, 10 Jan 2015 15:41:21 +0000 jackiec 1422128@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ <p>Hi Michelle, You are brave and as Angie says extremely emotionally intelligent. Good for you for tackling this and standing up for your happiness. You deserve nothing but the best. Follow your gut, your heart, and you will be on the right track. Big hugs and lots of support from a fellow Canuck. Take care. </p> https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/feeling-sad-and-anxious-as-i-provoke-a-relationship-watershed#post-1422062 Sat, 10 Jan 2015 13:13:04 +0000 K.M. 1422062@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ <p>Michelle, I am so sorry you are going through this. I hope you don't mind that I write here, since I haven't been around the forum for very long and don't know you very well. But I wanted to say that you only live once... our time on this earth is precious. I agree that you've done the right thing with the letter, and I hope that, whatever response it elicits, it will bring you peace and--eventually--happiness, in whichever form. </p>