https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/feeling-more-like-an-outsider Style Advice for Fashion Lovers en-US Sun, 19 Apr 2026 18:22:02 +0000 http://bbpress.org/?v=1.0.2 q https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/search.php https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/feeling-more-like-an-outsider/page/3#post-777147 Sat, 17 Nov 2012 12:25:05 +0000 Deborah 777147@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ <p>Anna, a little off on a tangent, but sending you a big hug. You remind me so much of one of closest girlfriends. She is very similar to how you have described yourself in one of your comments above. I had picked this up in your posts and you have confirmed it. I have found your comments always thoughtful and kind, so please feel free to comment openly and honestly on any of my post as you feel led. I can handle negative comments and suggestions for improvement as long as they are delivered in a kind and encouraging manner and I can honestly say I have never seen a comment from you that wasn't considered and thoughtful. </p> https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/feeling-more-like-an-outsider/page/3#post-776797 Fri, 16 Nov 2012 23:31:59 +0000 Nicole D 776797@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ <p>I am fairly new to the forum but I really appreciate your posts! Maybe all those first dates are making you second guess yourself! If we can't give each other honest feedback, this forum will be less useful. COmmenting is like a mini performance appraisal and giving negative comments is very hard - but gets easier with practice and is constructive. DOn't change! </p> https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/feeling-more-like-an-outsider/page/3#post-776788 Fri, 16 Nov 2012 23:22:18 +0000 RoseandJoan 776788@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ <p>Anna, I'm sorry for resurrecting this thread from page three.</p> <p>Fashion and style are all about attraction leading to repulsion without this the board would be stagnant, the zig and zag is our lifeblood.</p> <p>I do appreciate honesty. I believe strongly in freedom of speech, you (generally,not your personally Anna) may say what you like to me and I reserve the right to be offended. However, I also hope to have the wisdom to gauge when a comment is of benefit to the recipient and when it is a reflection of my own prejudice. </p> <p>It is not always easy.</p> <p>On a personal note, I love to see your WIW's and your inspiration posts. You are knowledgeable and very witty and I would love to shop with you one day. </p> https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/feeling-more-like-an-outsider/page/3#post-775950 Fri, 16 Nov 2012 03:59:15 +0000 Caro in Oz 775950@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ <p>What greenglove &amp; ironkurtin &amp; Ruth said. There is honesty &amp; then there is dumping - finding our own style is one thing finding our inner tolerance is another. </p> https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/feeling-more-like-an-outsider/page/3#post-775895 Fri, 16 Nov 2012 03:03:42 +0000 marianna 775895@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ <p>Anna, for what it's worth, when you comment on my few and far WIW posts, I am always elated. Like Debbie said, when I get a comment from you, I feel like I've done something right! You have a keen eye for style and I truly appreciate your thoughts and insights. </p> https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/feeling-more-like-an-outsider/page/3#post-775846 Fri, 16 Nov 2012 02:30:13 +0000 taylor 775846@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ <p>Ditto Greenglove! </p> https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/feeling-more-like-an-outsider/page/3#post-775833 Fri, 16 Nov 2012 02:11:10 +0000 Aida 775833@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ <p>Already lots of good replies, but wanted to just say how much I enjoy your outfit posts, neat item posts, and your comments. I always appreciate honesty, and I think that explaining what it is that you like or feel is off is a great way to go about it. (I feel like I can usually read your humor since I've had the pleasure of meeting you several times now ) And I did want to say that I don't automatically think "oh so-and-so doesn't like what I wore because they didn't comment"; the forum moves SO VERY fast these days, and of course we don't all have time to reply to everything. I personally find you an integral part of the community here, Anna.</p> <p>(I am so pumped you started a YLF blog! Must follow.) </p> https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/feeling-more-like-an-outsider/page/3#post-775626 Thu, 15 Nov 2012 22:11:16 +0000 Jules 775626@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ <p>One more thing I just thought of - I've spent much of my life with people thinking I was poorly dressed, if they noticed at all. So again with the risk-taking - I don't need people looking at me and wondering WTF is she wearing? I'm not confident enough for that. Beginner vs PhD, again.<br /> This is all because you said you don't understand why people want to be boring, btw Not purely self-involved posting. </p> https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/feeling-more-like-an-outsider/page/3#post-775602 Thu, 15 Nov 2012 21:50:25 +0000 Jules 775602@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ <p>I will add that as a newbie I do see a lot of cheerleading going on. But sometimes I think it's necessary. If someone is just starting out they need encouragement most of all, and then constructive suggestions that work with what they have or can realistically achieve.<br /> On the other hand - I do sometimes see an outfit from an established poster whose look I love and think it's a relative fail, while everyone else is cheering. I'll admit I don't generally comment in that case. I'm a newbie and I don't post pics so I don't feel that qualified to comment.</p> <p>As for boring/classic vs. fashion forward - for the most part I couldn't afford fashion forward even if I wanted to. I can't afford to take expensive risks outside my comfort zone. I also wonder how available some of these items are in plus sizes, petites etc. Some designers are really designing for one body type only.<br /> In the end, I just want to look nice and like I respect myself enough to make the effort, I'm not looking to impress anyone with my fashion sense.<br /> One last thing - the endless analysis people put into assessing new looks - Aida's pants, slouchy or drop-crotch or or or??? That's not me either - I'm hear to learn tried and true, Angie has pinpointed the whys &amp; wherefores, everyone's eye has already adjusted (meaning general public), -type stuff. Maybe I'll progress to "PhD level work" as someone called it elsewhere, but I doubt it :)<br /> All this to explain why my outfits are gonna be boring. </p> https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/feeling-more-like-an-outsider/page/3#post-775595 Thu, 15 Nov 2012 21:43:13 +0000 Lisa 775595@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ <p>I adore when you comment on my posts! I really enjoy your personal style and your eye for style. I do find comments are helpful to tweak outfits and when I don't care for a look I try to make suggestions. </p> https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/feeling-more-like-an-outsider/page/3#post-775587 Thu, 15 Nov 2012 21:34:25 +0000 Anonymous 775587@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ <p>I guess you could sum it up by saying that criticism should be constructive, not rude. Those of us who solicit opinions want honest ones, but also want to be treated with kindness and respect. It's all in the way we say things; not what we say, but how we say it. </p> https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/feeling-more-like-an-outsider/page/3#post-775575 Thu, 15 Nov 2012 21:25:15 +0000 Jenava 775575@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ <p>IK, yes, I think you hit the nail on the head. I think *most* of the time we do that, but sometimes we fail and we need to get better at that.</p> <p>I will add, that I think it's annoying when people "don't say anything at all" when they don't have something nice to say. I think like Anna said, if you don't like something the best course is to try to figure out the exact reason and post that. Nicely. IMO, you shouldn't just say you hate it (and don't say you "hate someone's style" Gah.). Oh, and can I add...don't just "vote Nay" without commenting! That's the same as just saying you hate something without explaining. </p> https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/feeling-more-like-an-outsider/page/3#post-775517 Thu, 15 Nov 2012 20:41:20 +0000 ironkurtin 775517@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ <p>I think a useful takeaway here is that feedback should be kind and directed to be useful. </p> <p>I have gotten feedback like, "I don't like your shirt." Well, all THAT does is add negativity to my day. It doesn't tell me what you don't like and why. If you don't like it because my bra is giving me four-boob, or because the color is making me look like death, well, say so! </p> <p>I have a harder time with feedback from people who obviously have a different style filter, like the gals I mentioned at my favorite boutique. I do not belt or blouson shirts, I do not wear sequins, and I do not like a lot of colors and patterns. Suggesting that I do these things is sweet, but I'm going to ignore you - because then it's not about you helping me with what I like, it's about dressing me the way YOU would dress. Like my mother. And that turned out great the first time, didn't it...? Heh. </p> https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/feeling-more-like-an-outsider/page/3#post-775513 Thu, 15 Nov 2012 20:33:46 +0000 rachylou 775513@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ <p><em>Down the rabbit hole!!! Off with your bear!! </em></p> <p>;&gt; hehe </p> https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/feeling-more-like-an-outsider/page/3#post-775507 Thu, 15 Nov 2012 20:25:07 +0000 bj1111 775507@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ <p>what?!?! i have to take of the bear?!?!? then, i feel nekkid! </p> https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/feeling-more-like-an-outsider/page/3#post-775500 Thu, 15 Nov 2012 20:11:46 +0000 rachylou 775500@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ <p>Off to the side here: Yes, a comment to anybody along the lines of "your style sucks" just doesn't fly. It's not an honest comment, if you think about it. It's saying what you honestly feel an impulse to say... but it's an emotional dump. It's making someone else responsible for how you feel. Honesty itself precludes that 100%.</p> <p>If a person owns their feelings, it changes everything. Admitting they have poison eye for certain things, personal connotations, etc. Then it's just a response to be considered - as opposed to an emotional snow-in you have to dig yourself out from.</p> <p>I suppose one important thing is to evaluate outfits by the wearer's own standards, goals, needs. Like, I could go around telling everyone they need to wear miniskirts as aprons and spirit hats (a stuffed animal on their head) to be cool... and obviously, I'd be right because I am the authority on these things... but ya, c'mon, that's ridiculous. Not so obvious, but also not useful, would be suggestions for me to take the teddy bear off my head. To tone it down. I can't do anything with that.</p> <p>But there is a caveat: If a person is going to the North Pole, they really have to have a puffer. Things like that. No matter what. Sometimes you have to dress a certain way to achieve what you want and that can be depressing, but that's the way it is. Your mother - and your friends - are allowed to remind you of this. </p> https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/feeling-more-like-an-outsider/page/3#post-775417 Thu, 15 Nov 2012 19:12:26 +0000 Kat 775417@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ <p>Chiming in to echo alaskagirl and greenglove and applaud their comments. The only work outside the house that I've done in more than 10 years required that I wear scrubs. In a way, I was thankful because that means that all my other outfits are "for me" and don't need to conform to a dress code. </p> <p>I think it is more important to refrain from comment if nothing helpful can be offered rather than if nothing nice can be said. I can learn and grow from a "not nice" comment that is respectful, honest, and negative and wouldn't mind receiving that. I would mind feeling as though I were being put down. It just seems simple courtesy to not offer input if it isn't constructive. </p> <p>One of the reasons I love this site is that people are almost exclusively kind and supportive. I really appreciate a diversity of styles (mine isn't totally represented here, but I find I can often appropriate lessons--like you took the "classics" and gave it your Anna twist) as well as appreciate the outfits of others for how well they accomplish what the wearer wanted, whether or not the outfit is my style.</p> <p>I sincerely hope that you can feel that you belong even if you don't blend as I feel you have a lot to offer; I also hope others with different styles will feel open to divergent opinions. I really do think it comes down to self-awareness and an open-mind along with some common courtesy and that goes for all of us both here and in life. </p> https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/feeling-more-like-an-outsider/page/3#post-775313 Thu, 15 Nov 2012 17:00:18 +0000 greenglove 775313@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ <p>("What fashion rock did you drag that outfit out from under?" So I bite my tongue and try to parse it down to the specifics that don't work for me.)- your words</p> <p>I am very happy that you bite your tongue.<br /> Boring to some is classic and lovely to others.<br /> Fashion forward and edgy is ridiculous to others.<br /> How lovely that we all have a place in this forum.<br /> Being able to see style through the eyes of the individual and not our own preferences is a gift that I believe is worth cultivating. </p> https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/feeling-more-like-an-outsider/page/2#post-775301 Thu, 15 Nov 2012 16:48:38 +0000 Jenava 775301@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ <p>What is needed here is for us to have an agreement to disagree sometimes. Everyone should feel free to comment in a way that expresses her views even if they don't align with anyone else's without feeling put down or disrespected...I think we all need to work on being better at this. </p> <p>That said, if you post a photo of yourself in an outfit you absolutely should be prepared to take feedback with a grain of salt. Everyone has an opinion, but YOU are the one wearing the outfit, so yours is the only one that really matters. It's not fair to get offended by someone's opinion if you asked for opinions! </p> https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/feeling-more-like-an-outsider/page/2#post-775287 Thu, 15 Nov 2012 16:34:58 +0000 annagybe 775287@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ <p>I get that people have limitations within their environment and personal comfort levels. I believe in dressing appropriately for the situation. This is why I got in to a sartorial snit when I've seen track pants and cargo shorts at the opera.<br /> During my clinical externship I had to dress professionally. I wore dress pants and button down shirts. So it's not like I haven't been there.<br /> I was attempting to be honest in my thought processes in my earlier statement. I guess I was too honest. In my comments on other outfits or items I try to temper my choice of words depending on how well I know the poster. I still remember when a forum member told me point blank "I don't like your style". The way it was said was in no way helpful or even insightful and pretty much downright hurtful. This was on a thread where I was asking about something style related. It added nothing to the discussion. I would hope I'd never do that because there is no point. If something is truly something that I can't appreciate because it's outside my style filter then I don't comment. </p> https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/feeling-more-like-an-outsider/page/2#post-775285 Thu, 15 Nov 2012 16:33:37 +0000 Mo 775285@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ <p>As a fellow uniform wearer, I also use my wardrobe to freely express 'me' on my time.<br /> I understand we are all on different journeys, and at varying places in those journeys. But there is no denying the sheer majority number of those on the similar path of mommy bouncing back from post baby schlumpdom, and the droves of office bound ladies trying to keep a sense of themselves while adhering to dress codes and the like.<br /> I can count on one hand the number of posters who have mentioned wearing a uniform to work. We are for sure a minority. </p> https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/feeling-more-like-an-outsider/page/2#post-775271 Thu, 15 Nov 2012 16:13:22 +0000 Anonymous 775271@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ <p>Re reading my earlier comment, I wanted to clarify something. I pretty much assumed that we operate under the premise of respect, being the community that we are. I hope I did not come off as inflammatory. On another note, I guess it is hard for you to understand the environment limitation for the majority of us here, hence the frustration. In that sense, our daily outfits are our version of your uniform. </p> https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/feeling-more-like-an-outsider/page/2#post-775209 Thu, 15 Nov 2012 14:27:04 +0000 Anonymous 775209@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ <p>I appreciate diverse opinions as long as they're posted in a respectful manner. </p> https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/feeling-more-like-an-outsider/page/2#post-775198 Thu, 15 Nov 2012 14:12:06 +0000 Anonymous 775198@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ <p>I think that is your challenge in the position you hold, Anna. As an outlier, you operate in a different zone than a lot of the people on this board, and your comfort in embracing looks is going to be different than someone who is just testing the waters. So trying to perceive the other side of the coin might help your frustration. I don't think people are willfully choosing to look dated or out of style or whatever.</p> <p>I believe you wear a uniform at work? So your time off work is your chance to play with looks and fashion. It's your hobby, I would say? I don't wear a uniform at work, and while my department is pretty laid back, I can't wear a lot of looks like that ones you sport. They are way too out there for my office. Also, someone like MaryK, who has a lot of fun with fashion, no question, is still somewhat contstrained by her work environment. But I certainly can be inspired by how you put some of your outfits together.</p> <p>I think this forum is made up of many different stakeholders, who all want to get different things out of participating here. So some people might want to be pushed out of their comfort zone, or experiment with "crazy" looks, while others just want to look decent and covered and appropriate, and aren't as concerned with "style" or developing a rubric or being cutting edge.</p> <p>So, to wrap up this novel, I (and if I may speak for others) really do appreciate your eye, aesthetic, and honesty. If I may be candid though, I do find it off-putting when your views are expressed in frustration. But I have no constructive advice to offer on how to change that, as it is something I struggle with every day...I am not a patient person, and I tend to overreact. </p> https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/feeling-more-like-an-outsider/page/2#post-775194 Thu, 15 Nov 2012 14:01:05 +0000 pil 775194@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ <p>You made a very helpful comment on one of my threads. I am certainly part of the "under the rock" club yet welcome your comments and/or suggestions. Even if it's a little out there for a timid someone like me (which yours was not) it may just plant that seed to try something different than usual down the road. </p> https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/feeling-more-like-an-outsider/page/2#post-774993 Thu, 15 Nov 2012 04:24:07 +0000 Debbie 774993@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ <p>Anna-I haven't read the comments because I just have a few minutes and I wanted to comment. You have a unique style that I couldn't pull off but I love it on you. I often show my youngest daughter your pictures because she loves the pieces you find.<br /> When you comment on my WIW's I always feel like I have done something right.</p> <p>Please don't stop being you! </p> https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/feeling-more-like-an-outsider/page/2#post-774979 Thu, 15 Nov 2012 04:06:37 +0000 catgirl 774979@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ <p>Anna, I think people dressing "safe and boring" is as relative as being "off-kilter". What's safe and boring to you is WAY out of someone else's comfort zone. Lots of us appreciate you pushing style boundaries, but for some, that may be a learned attitude rather than innate. You have so much vision and such a wide frame of reference, so I'm a little puzzled that you feel you can't see other people's styles vis-a-vis their own journey. Or am I misunderstanding what you've said?</p> <p>Also, a lot of people dress to blend in, rather than to stand out, or as you have said yourself, because they want to belong (I'm not talking here but rather out in the real world). I will never blend in either, at least where I live, but like you I've learned to embrace it and still find ways to feel part of various social groups. </p> <p>I always want honest feedback. That's why I'm here. At the same time, I don't think that honesty = tactless and that's one of the reasons I appreciate this forum so much.<br /> xo </p> https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/feeling-more-like-an-outsider/page/2#post-774890 Thu, 15 Nov 2012 02:22:22 +0000 bj1111 774890@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ <p>i prefer blunt criticism to a love fest. direct critiques without agenda is how i grow so i appreciate your perspective. whether you feel it or not, i'll bet many here are envious if your ability to push the fashion envelop and tour willingness not to be the norm, which is qualitatively different, i think, than not belonging. you belong here on ylf, but you may not always be the norm. </p> <p>i really get the desire to belong and that ylf has enriched you. that my vision is different does not invalidate yours.</p> <p>so..rock on! </p> https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/feeling-more-like-an-outsider/page/2#post-774865 Thu, 15 Nov 2012 01:55:16 +0000 Anonymous 774865@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ <p>Soooo...., what happens when you don't respond? Could that be a case of the " under the fashion rock " assessment?</p> <p>Haha, just joking. I am brutally honest too... I have cleaned up my act a bit over the years but heck, I am still quite direct. Feel free to write any comments on my WIWs, though. I am actually quite intrigued. I might post an "Ask Anna" now </p> <p>I actually start assignments with this little speech ( quoting self) : Please feel free to provide feedback without thinking of niceties. As a matter of fact, I get quite overwhelmed with trying to decipher what you really meant from how you said it... It's true. </p> <p>I actually put honest feedback welcome on all of my WIWs, hoping that someone would suggest improvements. Many people might feel that way. </p> https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/feeling-more-like-an-outsider/page/2#post-774837 Thu, 15 Nov 2012 01:34:14 +0000 Jenava 774837@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ <p>Yeah, you can't say that in response to someone's post! i know you know that people are at different comfort levels with fashion for many different reasons, and that's why you have to learn to give your feedback in a way that can be received well. Because I think you need to contribute...it's when you don't or feel you can't that you end up feeling like an outsider.</p> <p>Glad to finally see your blog up. I did notice, BTW. (-: </p>