YouLookFab Forum » Topic: Feeling fab turns to feeling frumpy

YouLookFab Forum » Topic: Feeling fab turns to feeling frumpy https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/feeling-fab-turns-to-feeling-frumpy Style Advice for Fashion Lovers en-US Fri, 24 Apr 2026 17:23:59 +0000 http://bbpress.org/?v=1.0.2 <![CDATA[Search]]> q https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/search.php Von on "Feeling fab turns to feeling frumpy" https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/feeling-fab-turns-to-feeling-frumpy/page/2#post-1199503 Thu, 20 Mar 2014 00:52:53 +0000 Von 1199503@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ I think this might be a two part issue -- I can relate to feeling fine at the house and frumpy not an hour later, I pay extra attention to cut and fit of my clothes.  I realized that I really wasn't doing anything to "frump up" these outfits that looked so great at home, but I did need to take note as to what went wrong. Shirts that wrinkle on my drive to work (too big, bad fabric). Pants that leave crinkle marks when I sit (too droopy in front), "help me wrinkles" from pulling buttons (wrong bra or too tight shirt), pants droopy after my commute (don't buy this fabric blend again!).  All things that were actually happening, and not just a case of the "i look fat blues".  I buy better fabrics, I take note of things that don't work with my body shape (tucked in shirts ALWAYS come untucked on me), and belts with pants always do bad things in the back.  Secondly, visiting + participating here at YLF helps me see that it's totally OK to dress me for ME.  The cute styles that I see on other people aren't going to work right out of the box on me, but I hear lots of compliments on my style from those same people. You don't have to look as slim or as young as your sister to look just as hot. You just have to believe in yourself and your style and don't be swayed by what you imagine other people might think of you in comparison...because more than likely they aren't seeing what you are. Helena on "Feeling fab turns to feeling frumpy" https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/feeling-fab-turns-to-feeling-frumpy/page/2#post-1199489 Thu, 20 Mar 2014 00:40:13 +0000 Helena 1199489@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ Stacey, no great wisdom but I can sure relate ... not with family for me, but the same issue of comparison, and judging oneself as coming up short ... so you are not alone! Hang in there! rachylou on "Feeling fab turns to feeling frumpy" https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/feeling-fab-turns-to-feeling-frumpy/page/2#post-1199247 Wed, 19 Mar 2014 20:17:31 +0000 rachylou 1199247@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ I have a cousin, we're about six months apart. Our parents must have consulted each other, because when we were little we'd have the same clothes, furniture, barettes, etc. There was also a little bit of competition there... ...anyways, cut to the chase, I believe the whole answer is not "be you" but "be you more." For us both to be the best, I think we had to differentiate. Yes, that's what we had to do. Hells bells, we were in the same dress! How can two girls both be best in the same dress? Gonna have to do the same dress differently. No other way. ...on a side note, I think it helps to own your pigeon-hole. I'm a cool girl - not smart, pretty, athletic, etc. I live in hipster land and, as my other cousin says, i belong there. Hahaha. Maybe that's insulting, but it's also true. viva on "Feeling fab turns to feeling frumpy" https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/feeling-fab-turns-to-feeling-frumpy/page/2#post-1199218 Wed, 19 Mar 2014 19:49:16 +0000 viva 1199218@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ This thread definitely strikes a chord with me. I'm from a family of seven girls, and even I am guilty of hanging labels on each of us (the pretty one, the smart one, the creative one ...) -- it's terrible and we all suffer from it. I'm sure that somewhere there is a wonderfully articulate quote that gets right at this idea, but 12-step programs talk about the danger of comparing my inside to your outside -- that is, comparing how I feel to how you look. I think that's a big problem with comparisons, and a main reason why they rob us of joy for no reason. The person who may seem conventionally prettier, or who is taller, or who has a nicer pair of shoes, or better hair, is not necessarily more at peace or happier.  So really, does it matter? We should try to remember that it is only hair, or height, or shoes. It's not the important stuff. Carey on "Feeling fab turns to feeling frumpy" https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/feeling-fab-turns-to-feeling-frumpy/page/2#post-1199173 Wed, 19 Mar 2014 19:24:53 +0000 Carey 1199173@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ Hugs! Sheila on "Feeling fab turns to feeling frumpy" https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/feeling-fab-turns-to-feeling-frumpy/page/2#post-1198435 Tue, 18 Mar 2014 20:39:14 +0000 Sheila 1198435@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ I have four sisters, I am the oldest - they are all tall and gorgeous. I am the only gray one. I am envious at times.... yes one has more money, they are all taller, they are ALL beautiful in their own way. But I have some gifts as well... different ones, but all the same I am grateful for them. Sure I feel the green monster sometimes BUT at the same time I would not trade places with any one of them. I know in a pinch I would throw myself in front of a train for any of them. I WILL not lie for them and although I will take their side in public, I have to be the devil's advocate ... as I can typically see the other side- when they cannot. hissylizard on "Feeling fab turns to feeling frumpy" https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/feeling-fab-turns-to-feeling-frumpy/page/2#post-1198396 Tue, 18 Mar 2014 18:54:25 +0000 hissylizard 1198396@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ Hi Stacey, I struggle with comparing myself to other people a lot. I've only had brothers or step-brothers, and while I would have loved to have a sister, I can see how it would really exacerbate my "comparison" habit.  It really does rob your joy. Others have given advice, which I find helpful as well. There are some wise words here. It's a bad habit for me, and you're brave to share this. I think we all struggle with this. Especially when relatives inadvertently exacerbate this by pigeon-holing people as the "smart" one or the "pretty" one.  Sometimes when I hear so and so is so [insert positive attribute] there is a part of me that feel like it means that I am not. While someone else's blazing success does not mean I have nothing of value, I wish someone would say that about me.  I like the advice someone gave about finding an identity outside of where you feel lacking in comparison. And own it.  I've only had brothers or step-brothers, and while I would have loved to have a sister, I can see how it would really exacerbate my "comparison" habit.  Susie on "Feeling fab turns to feeling frumpy" https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/feeling-fab-turns-to-feeling-frumpy/page/2#post-1198130 Tue, 18 Mar 2014 13:53:20 +0000 Susie 1198130@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ Oh goodness I can relate to your feelings. I have 2 older sisters and the 3 of us are very different in a lot of ways. I am closest to my middle sister though I don't get to see her often. I remember clothes and style being important from the time we were very young. Going shopping downtown was an event. We didn't have a lot of money but we always had good shoes and appropriate clothing for school and for church. At Easter, we would all have lovely dresses (often matching) complete with patent leather shoes, spring coats, gloves and hats. When I was 5 or 6 I modeled for a nice children's store, though we probably couldn't afford to buy much there. As a young teen, my mom managed a very fashion forward clothing store. I recall accompanying her to New York on buying trips. Later she wholesaled women's clothes. When she was 18, my sister moved to NY to work in the fashion industry. A lot of background just to say that clothes have always been a thing in my family! Anyway....my sister went through an awkward stage in childhood when she was very thin and had short hair and was often mistaken for a boy. But boy did she blossom! She became a gorgeous woman as an adult and she has a knack for looking sylish. I remember plenty of times when she would borrow clothes from me and always managed to look better in them. But her beauty is not just skin deep. She has a bubbly personality and an extremely kind and caring heart. Today, I am able to shop more and buy more than my sister can. Yet with a much more limited wardrobe she still manages to look way more stylish than I ever will. Part of that is that she has a much nicer figure than I do and styles are more flattering to her. So it is easy to feel frumpy next to her. I hope I don't sound jealous because I truly am not. I adore my sister and am happy to share my closet with her. Numerous times I have sent her dressy shoes, a bag or jewelry to wear for a special occasion. We no longer share clothes because I am quite a few sizes bigger than she is. But accessories fit! Kimberley on "Feeling fab turns to feeling frumpy" https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/feeling-fab-turns-to-feeling-frumpy/page/2#post-1198123 Tue, 18 Mar 2014 13:33:35 +0000 Kimberley 1198123@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ Hi Stacey :) There has been so much love and good advice here for you.  I don't have much to add except to say I understand and I think this is completely normal!  I admire your courage to examine your feelings and move toward a more positive and self-loving place. I have two sisters and four daughters, so I have seen this in action in my own life and home.  When I feel this way, I find it helps to remember where my worth comes from - it comes from knowing that we are each unique individuals designed for a specific purpose in life that only we can fulfill.  It isn't a magic spell, but it does help sometimes to remember we are valued and loved and are a vital piece of a much larger tapestry. Hugs to you! Anonymous on "Feeling fab turns to feeling frumpy" https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/feeling-fab-turns-to-feeling-frumpy/page/2#post-1198119 Tue, 18 Mar 2014 13:31:55 +0000 Anonymous 1198119@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ Wow, I stepped away for awhile and am BLOWN AWAY by all your insightful comments. It's nice to hear that I'm not the only person who struggles with feelings of inferiority at times. I tend to be very hard on myself, and I know others probably don't see what I see -- but it's still difficult sometimes.  Anyway, I have a lot to think about and I may come back and reply again later after I've had more time to absorb your thoughts. Many thanks again. Andrea W on "Feeling fab turns to feeling frumpy" https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/feeling-fab-turns-to-feeling-frumpy/page/2#post-1198115 Tue, 18 Mar 2014 13:26:59 +0000 Andrea W 1198115@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ I do have experience of those types of feelings in the past.  My sister is 5 years older than I am and I've always felt that there was no point trying to 'compete' with her looks or style wise.   I think that when I got to the age of 18 or so (I'm now 39) that I developed my own quirky style to stand out more (instead of relying on my looks as such). I'm in tune very much with Alaskagirl as I think I use fashion as a sort of prop as I'm never going to be the pretty sister I may as well be the quirky one. Funnily enough I was talking with a colleague at work today about proms at UK schools now (which weren't around when I was younger).  I stated that there would've been zero point in me trying the glam route and I would have totally rocked it in a Hell Bunny zombie dress with outstanding wacky shoes (in my head anyway).  But that may partially be because I now like to be individual and stand out now. Anyway, you are not alone but I think the feelings mellow when you feel more comfortable in your own skin and happier with your own style. Janet on "Feeling fab turns to feeling frumpy" https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/feeling-fab-turns-to-feeling-frumpy#post-1198107 Tue, 18 Mar 2014 13:21:30 +0000 Janet 1198107@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ Stacey, I'm sorry you're feeling this way, and I totally understand. I'm the younger sister (by 10 years) so I don't really have that dynamic going on with my sister (although your post makes me wonder if my sister might feel similarly!). However, I get that awful tendency to compare even here on YLF, where it seems most posters are a few sizes smaller than me. I feel big and ungainly and un-chic in comparison, but wasn't it IK that recently reminded us, "Comparison is the thief of joy"? So I'm nodding along with Shiny's whole post. I'm more vulnerable to those feelings when there is something going on with me that makes me feel uneasy or less than my best. When I turn my attention to positive actions and thoughts, I can usually overcome those insecure feelings. Anonymous on "Feeling fab turns to feeling frumpy" https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/feeling-fab-turns-to-feeling-frumpy#post-1198100 Tue, 18 Mar 2014 13:12:37 +0000 Anonymous 1198100@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ Stacey, I definitely sympathize with you. Other people have given you more useful advice, but I just wanted to chime in as another voice saying that feeling like this once in a while is totally normal and doesn't mean you're a bad or petty person at all. I also can get insecure when I'm dealing with someone who's effortlessly stylish in that glossy way. All of a sudden, whatever looked perfectly cute in the mirror seems to be both trying too hard and not trying hard enough at the same time. It's a feeling I'm pretty good at pushing to one side so that it doesn't affect how I act with them and I absolutely recognize that it's more about me than about them and blah blah blah, but … when it's there, it's still there.  As it happens, my younger sister can totally bring out that feeling in me, through no fault of her own at all. Our parents were good about not playing us off against each other or anything, but, when we were growing up, she was clearly the more popular and stylish one and I was clearly the more nerdy and school-oriented one. So, that might be clouding my thinking sub-consciously, even though it's silly. But, also, I think running with a more appearance-focused crowd when you're growing up can mean you end up with more years of practice paying attention to clothes and beauty and how to make yourself look your best, and it's not surprising if that translates to being able to pull off "effortless" stylishness more easily as an adult. Neel on "Feeling fab turns to feeling frumpy" https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/feeling-fab-turns-to-feeling-frumpy#post-1198018 Tue, 18 Mar 2014 10:07:05 +0000 Neel 1198018@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ First Stacey - hugs to you. And second - remember that no matter how beautiful you are ..... There will always be someone prettier/sexier/taller/thinner than you! Instead of fighting that ... Accept that. I know that feeling so very well that I get mad at myself for even thinking about it right now. I felt rotten because someone had better legs, spoke better English, dressed better and because someone chose a prettier woman over me .... All thanks to just one thing ... Lack of self worth/inferiority complex. Why was I obsessed with what others thought about me? Why was I defining my self worth based on their opinions about me? Why on earth did I allow people to make me feel good or bad about myself? Months of depression.....thoughts of self harm.....in a nutshell ... Precious time of my life wasted! That's when I decided to say enough is enough ... And decided to live that one life god has given me. I am never going to get my time back that I spent crying and questioning my existence. I could have spent that time choosing to live happily and do what made me happy. I feel stronger now just because I don't let anyone make me feel bad anymore! It's liberating and people around me sense it. The same people who put me down at every step of life. There are still days like the past but now the recovery time is super quick! If you don't feel good about yourself, others will only make the feeling worse. I cannot stress how important it is to do anything ... Anything at all ... That makes you feel proud about yourself. Works but takes time! Good luck! Alexandra on "Feeling fab turns to feeling frumpy" https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/feeling-fab-turns-to-feeling-frumpy#post-1198005 Tue, 18 Mar 2014 09:36:29 +0000 Alexandra 1198005@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ Hugs, Stacey! It sounds to me like clothes have little to do with it. More like you feel somehow "less-than" when you're with your sister. It might be helpful to ask her what she envies you, as there are bound to be aspects of you or your life, skills, etc. that she would love to have but doesn't. Perhaps your road to self-acceptance leads through the realization that you're not "less-than" but rather "different-from". And it's really the "different-from" that makes you who you are. Lyn D. on "Feeling fab turns to feeling frumpy" https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/feeling-fab-turns-to-feeling-frumpy#post-1197981 Tue, 18 Mar 2014 06:22:23 +0000 Lyn D. 1197981@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ I always feel that the 'more attractive' ones have a harder time later in life finding deeper virtues to fuel their inner happiness. Cute doesn't last forever, but can  easily define us whilst it is there! Jeanie on "Feeling fab turns to feeling frumpy" https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/feeling-fab-turns-to-feeling-frumpy#post-1197901 Tue, 18 Mar 2014 03:56:57 +0000 Jeanie 1197901@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ Oh, this is very hard and I do empathize with you.  I have felt like writing a similar rant at times.  My sister is 4 years older and 4 sizes smaller than me.  She is very pretty and extremely polished.  She can wear a graphic tee, hoodie & jeans and look better than me no matter what I wear.   She spends hours perfecting her hair and makeup every day.  I am more of a hippy and when we are at family functions I just always feel like a frump.  My dad will make negative comments about my clothes at times.  Makeup can often irritate my skin and I sometimes go without.  It is hard hearing how beautiful she is all the time around friends and family.  I do love her and we are very close and I often help her edit her clothes.  I just try to embrace who I am.  My family has perfectionist tendencies and I gave up trying to live up to that level of perfection a while ago and it was freeing.  I don't guess they will always embrace my rather bohemian style but I try to remind myself that I am being myself and they do love me for me.   I think Caro said it very well.  Hugs.  You are beautiful.   catgirl on "Feeling fab turns to feeling frumpy" https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/feeling-fab-turns-to-feeling-frumpy#post-1197879 Tue, 18 Mar 2014 03:16:39 +0000 catgirl 1197879@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ Just to add, I adore my sister, am unceasingly proud of and thankful for her, and do not feel one bit of jealousy or resentment.  She's truly my best friend. It's more the voices of those other people in my head that made comparisons.  Not our parents, thankfully, who were amazing and curbed that kind of nonsense when they caught it.  Gigi on "Feeling fab turns to feeling frumpy" https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/feeling-fab-turns-to-feeling-frumpy#post-1197858 Tue, 18 Mar 2014 02:58:59 +0000 Gigi 1197858@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ So sorry you're feeling this way, Stacey. :^( You mentioned the family dynamics. Do you feel this way only when out with your family, or do you feel like it with other people too? Echo on "Feeling fab turns to feeling frumpy" https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/feeling-fab-turns-to-feeling-frumpy#post-1197805 Tue, 18 Mar 2014 02:19:23 +0000 Echo 1197805@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ I'm on the other end of this, and in my experience I may look different from my sister, but I envied HER. She was the "responsible" one. All I ever wanted as a kid was to be like her, to be allowed to hang out with her, to get to do all the things she did. But I am 5 years younger, and she resented me from the day I was born (I am sure looks had nothing to do with it then).  I still have virtually no relationship with my sister, and not for lack of me trying. But over the years, there was always another reason to resent me (it all goes back to the fact that she just simply never wanted me here at all, I think). It is probably too late to do anything about it now. My point is that I applaud you for admitting what bothers you and trying to take some steps to make it better. I guarantee that when your sister looks at you she doesn't compare body types or outfits or anything like that. She likely admires you and always will. She probably sees the beauty in you that you don't see, and if you could see yourself through her eyes, you would be amazed. Caro in Oz on "Feeling fab turns to feeling frumpy" https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/feeling-fab-turns-to-feeling-frumpy#post-1197803 Tue, 18 Mar 2014 02:17:01 +0000 Caro in Oz 1197803@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ Thank you Angie :) I love that quote too Suz - but seeing as I could quote for Australia I try to ration myself to one a post Totally agree about these feelings being about our true passions too. I find that all my negative feelings whether comparisons or critical thoughts can really lead me to big lessons about myself - if I let them. Suz on "Feeling fab turns to feeling frumpy" https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/feeling-fab-turns-to-feeling-frumpy#post-1197788 Tue, 18 Mar 2014 02:01:17 +0000 Suz 1197788@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ Love that Brené Brown quote, Caro. Love what Jennifer (Shiny) says. And thank you, Angie.  Also thinking of another quote: Comparison is the thief of joy.  Looking back at times in my life where the comparison bug had the most hold on me, they were always when I felt thwarted somehow in my true passions. It really wasn't about the clothes, or the looks, or anything like that. It was something else.  Angie on "Feeling fab turns to feeling frumpy" https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/feeling-fab-turns-to-feeling-frumpy#post-1197736 Tue, 18 Mar 2014 01:07:28 +0000 Angie 1197736@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ Incredible wisdom on this thread. Jennifer, IK, Suz and Caro - I applaud your replies with a standing ovation.  shiny on "Feeling fab turns to feeling frumpy" https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/feeling-fab-turns-to-feeling-frumpy#post-1197730 Tue, 18 Mar 2014 00:56:44 +0000 shiny 1197730@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ I feel this way around a lot of my seriously gorgeous, fit, slim, stylish friends and family. It's something I consciously have to fight with myself to STOP, and doing so over the years has definitely helped a lot. It also helps a lot to remind myself that while I may be envying their seemingly stylish grace and ease, they are envying me for other qualities. For example I have some gorgeous female friends who have confided that they envy that I'm appreciated not just for my looks, but my intelligence, and sense of humor, and all of that. You know, qualities that have zero to do with how we look. If you are average looking and not a model, you have to develop things like... character.  And I know I can tell you that all day long  and you'll agree but still ...it's there. It flares without warning and suddenly we go from fab to frumpy, from stylish adult to gawky preteen. I totally get it!!! For some of us, that just never really goes away, I'm afraid. But we get better and better, with age, nipping it in the bud before it ruins our entire day. That's the STOP part, and it takes practice. It helps to look people in the eye, not down and around and what they are wearing. It helps to literally tell yourself STOP every time a negative, comparing thought creeps in.  It helps to remind yourself that your sister doesn't see you in the detail you see yourself. Nobody does. She's got you etched in her mind already, that's how brains are wired.  It helps to remind yourself that your sister is the center of her own world, with her own insecurities, and YES she's comparing herself to you.  And if you want to get all philosophical, I find it helps to remind myself that everyone within my present moment is extension of me, a reflection of me. So, if your sister is looking super stylish, my dear, so are you. There's nothing to feel less than about. Look harder at her, and trust me, you'll see yourself staring right back. That's when you'll forget completely what you are wearing, and it just won't matter. If you're fretting about your outfit, you aren't tuned in enough. Tune in some more.  Okay that was fun to write and I meant it all.. now can I just say... every time I go to the mall, I leave the house feeling stylish and fab, and wind up coming home feeling frumpy??? Ha! I think it is the lighting in the dressing rooms. Or something. I dunno, but it's consistent enough I deliberately try not to wear my favorite clothes, because if I do, I'll surely wind up hating them!  unfrumped on "Feeling fab turns to feeling frumpy" https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/feeling-fab-turns-to-feeling-frumpy#post-1197645 Mon, 17 Mar 2014 23:20:59 +0000 unfrumped 1197645@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ I think your feelings are so NORMAL,  in the sense that we all have some kind of similar experiences--and not just feeling vulnerable about appearance and style,   though the "beautiful" aspect is so emphasized in our culture. It can be anything that one has been working on or experimenting with--gardening or wine appreciation or home remodeling or art-- and then when you think you've got some game, you meet up with folks and think you are going to have something to contribute and you find they   are way ahead of you or talking totally out of your league--and sometimes I wonder where the line is between a true passion for a hobby vs. being with lots of type A -competitive personalities, you know?  and you just go, why do I bother! So, great advice and sympathy/empathy here because if it's not one thing, it could be another, so there's no end to the ways we can compare ourselves and come up short and we will always risk disappointment if seeking some kind of external approval or validation. That's even a risk of the forum, no surprise. But huge efforts are made here to separate "opinion" and personal taste from person-judgement. Caro is wise as usual--I'm tempted by that book! Also, for relationship-building and personal-building, texstyle's point about focusing "outward" is so great. Also Ceit--to see if you can tell if you like where you are and need to see how to feel okay with that, vs. if you really want to try other things but are afraid of more disapproval there too. I know that can be  hard for me--to tell whether i'm taking a risk I want to take for myself, vs. being a lemming (not in the current YLF fun-lemming sense) vs. being too afraid of making a mistake to try anything new. Caro in Oz on "Feeling fab turns to feeling frumpy" https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/feeling-fab-turns-to-feeling-frumpy#post-1197598 Mon, 17 Mar 2014 22:19:23 +0000 Caro in Oz 1197598@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ I really admire your courage & authenticity - it is never easy to be vulnerable :):) I love the quote below & imo the book is fantastic for any of us who want to get a handle on those emotions that can & do derail us :)  “Because true belonging only happens when we present our authentic, imperfect selves to the world, our sense of belonging can never be greater than our level of self-acceptance.”  ― <a rel="nofollow" href="https://www.goodreads.com/author/show/162578.Bren_Brown">Brené Brown</a>, <a rel="nofollow" href="https://www.goodreads.com/work/quotes/19175758">Daring Greatly: How the Courage to Be Vulnerable Transforms the Way We Live, Love, Parent, and Lead</a> rabbit on "Feeling fab turns to feeling frumpy" https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/feeling-fab-turns-to-feeling-frumpy#post-1197318 Mon, 17 Mar 2014 17:29:33 +0000 rabbit 1197318@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ Sending sympathy.   My little sister is more beautiful than me, and occasionally people meeting one of us after knowing the other don't believe that we're related.  (She's also a blonde, I have dark hair).   But interestingly I haven't had this experience that often (there are other areas where we have competed at times).    Maybe it's like you say, that we didn't get told that when we were younger, and to our parents, especially my mom, how any of us looked or dressed was just not important.  I think also it's that because we look so different we never pursued the same styles -- I tend toward dark/alternative,  she goes for paler colors and boho/world traveler.  We can't wear each other's colors, her height and build is different, etc.     We do like shopping together when we get the chance, which is rare.  It's fun to be able to help pick out clothes for a completely different body than your own. I think what everyone mentions about focusing on yourself, treating yourself well, being kind to yourself, building your energy, and discovering and appreciating your own style irrespective of what your friends or family wear (or their budget)  has helped me too when I feel down and am comparing myself unfavorably.    Also like others mention, arranging a place and way to get together occasionally that is more on your terms in a place you feel confident and happy seems fair. ironkurtin on "Feeling fab turns to feeling frumpy" https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/feeling-fab-turns-to-feeling-frumpy#post-1197301 Mon, 17 Mar 2014 17:03:16 +0000 ironkurtin 1197301@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ I love hanging out with my beautiful, classy friends. Even if I am convinced I am not in their league, it makes me feel really good that THEY like to hang out with ME. Mellllls on "Feeling fab turns to feeling frumpy" https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/feeling-fab-turns-to-feeling-frumpy#post-1197284 Mon, 17 Mar 2014 16:48:49 +0000 Mellllls 1197284@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ I think there is something about family dynamics that can cause so much insecurity. I have no advice, just commiseration. Sarah A on "Feeling fab turns to feeling frumpy" https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/feeling-fab-turns-to-feeling-frumpy#post-1197282 Mon, 17 Mar 2014 16:45:00 +0000 Sarah A 1197282@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ Oh Stacey! I so completely relate... A real breakthrough for me was that although my sister and I look quite similar in our facial features we are definately different Kibbe (Kibbee?) types. I can see the angularity on her face versus the bluntness in mine. This breakthrough totally made me realize why dressing in quite tailored items made her look slim and me look actually larger than I am. I have embraced a handful of the Kibbe guidelines for my type along with Angie's fluid fit recommendations and now my sister has actually asked me for dressing advice, esp. when making travel capsules. It is a process, and I am sending all the best wishes that you will find your "aha" breakthrough moment and feel fantastic at future family events