https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/feeling-conflictedguilty-about-buying-designer-shoesclothes Style Advice for Fashion Lovers en-US Sat, 04 Apr 2026 00:07:12 +0000 http://bbpress.org/?v=1.0.2 q https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/search.php https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/feeling-conflictedguilty-about-buying-designer-shoesclothes#post-410707 Thu, 25 Aug 2011 18:50:12 +0000 Scarlet 410707@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ <p>A couple of comments,<br /> 1. I think that you should buy designer clothing and shoes if you can afford it and it gives you joy. I spend more on clothing than other people in my earning category because I love it. They probably spend more money on vacation, for example, because that is more important to them.<br /> 2. Get your eyebrows done by a trustworthy professional. Get some lessons in how to apply make-up to your brows--it does so much for a face.<br /> 3. Theoretically my husband also prefers no make-up. However I am not convinced he would detect me wearing it if he didn't see me put it on. </p> https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/feeling-conflictedguilty-about-buying-designer-shoesclothes#post-410445 Thu, 25 Aug 2011 11:00:22 +0000 Vildy 410445@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ <p>plucking the eyebrows - well, maybe: a stronger (heavier, thicker) brow is much admired today. Plus sometimes when you pluck, it doesn't grow back.<br /> Perhaps be very cautious at the outset or have them done for you the first time. </p> https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/feeling-conflictedguilty-about-buying-designer-shoesclothes#post-410369 Thu, 25 Aug 2011 04:37:44 +0000 goldenpig 410369@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ <p>Thanks for the makeup tips! I actually found the Olay Definity on sale that Mo mentioned when I went to the grocery, so I grabbed a bottle. I'll give it a try and let you know how it goes! I guess I should pluck my eyebrows too. </p> https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/feeling-conflictedguilty-about-buying-designer-shoesclothes#post-410342 Thu, 25 Aug 2011 03:44:06 +0000 Angie 410342@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ <p>I am so with Mo and Aida on the make-up, Goldie! Define your brows, a little mascara and some lip definition. That's all I do on most days too. My hubby is just like yours. </p> https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/feeling-conflictedguilty-about-buying-designer-shoesclothes#post-410148 Wed, 24 Aug 2011 22:39:17 +0000 Mo 410148@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ <p>Ditto what Aida said! I just use tinted lip balm even, if not in a gloss mood, and I would only add that tinted moisturizer is an awesome time saver 2 for 1! I like Olay Definity <a href="http://www.amazon.com/Olay-Definity-Color-Recapture-Medium/dp/B0019ZF5T6" rel="nofollow">http://www.amazon.com/Olay-Def.....B0019ZF5T6</a> </p> https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/feeling-conflictedguilty-about-buying-designer-shoesclothes#post-410138 Wed, 24 Aug 2011 22:21:52 +0000 Aida 410138@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ <p>Goldenpig, just wanted to chime in quickly about the make up: you commented that your husband doesn't really like it because he prefers a more natural look. Mine is the same way. I have personally found that just a swipe of mascara and lip gloss/light lipstick does a LOT for improving my look. And yet my husband barely even notices I have it on It's a great, small step to take (I haven't moved past this, and am pretty happy with just this little bit), and I think you'll find it makes a small but meaningful difference. </p> https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/feeling-conflictedguilty-about-buying-designer-shoesclothes#post-410039 Wed, 24 Aug 2011 20:22:35 +0000 goldenpig 410039@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ <p>Wow, thanks so much everyone! I feel so lucky to have found such a wonderful supportive group of fashion mentors.</p> <p>Angie, you are right, I do need to start doing my hair and makeup and taking care of my skin. It just takes so much time--I have always been a shower and out the door with wet hair type of person. Plus my husband doesn't like it much when I wear makeup--he prefers the natural look. I'm an unfussy person myself, unlike my mom who doesn't want to be seen without her "face" on. I am still getting used to thinking about my outfits and putting on an accessory or two...that is already taking up some extra minutes in the morning. I'll definitely try to experiment with hair &amp; makeup if I can find the time (but I might need to buy new makeup since what I have is a few years old...).</p> <p>I would love to do more shopping at H&amp;M/Gap/Target etc. for bargain &amp; trendy pieces. The problem is finding time to shop...I kinda feel guilty taking time to shop for myself, rather than going home to be with the kids or catching up on work. I have been shopping at places like H&amp;M before, trying on piles of clothes, but none of them fit right and sometimes I start to get overwhelmed at all the massive amount of choices. Part of the reason I avoided shopping for clothes the last five years was because of this sort of mild anxiety about having to go, look through all these clothes, pick stuff out, try them all on, and be frustrated at not being able to find anything and walking out empty-handed. The thought of shopping was not fun--it's not intuitive for me. It's hard if you don't have a great developed fashion sense to pick out the "diamond in the rough" classics amongst all the blingy pieces that won't survive till next season. That's why I am glad to have this site to learn more about what to look for and how to get great fashion for less! The only reason I was able to get so much at the NAS was because I had started out with Angie's list, then looked online and printed out a list of stuff to try before I went into the store. I also think I'd probably do better with going to one of those personal shopper services like they have at Nordstrom, where they just pick things out for you. I've never tried that but it sounds like fun! I so wish Angie lived near me!!!</p> <p>As far as shoes, comfort is definitely #1 consideration, followed by style and quality. I've been wearing my new La Canadienne Galaxy boots three times already this week and I am in super duper love!!! I don't know whether it's the quality, the design, or the wedge heel, or the fit, or all of the above--they are just as comfortable as my Jungle Mocs or Dansko clogs, but way more stylish. They fit so perfectly, I feel like I am wearing gloves on my legs/feet! I'm even wearing them around the house for no reason at all other than they feel great on my feet! Even though I paid over $300 for these boots (!) I can already tell that these are going to be workhorse boots in my wardrobe and they'll probably be something like pennies per wear by the time I am done with them. I don't mind paying for designer prices for something like this. </p> <p>The Prada pumps, on the other hand, I don't know how they will feel. The heel looks awfully spiky. I am more used to stacked heels and ankle straps. I'll probably try them on for kicks but will end up returning them if they are not totally comfortable.</p> <p>Thanks rachylou for the recommendation for Taryn Rose shoes! They do look like they'd be what I need. I'll check them out and report back to you all to get your opinions! </p> https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/feeling-conflictedguilty-about-buying-designer-shoesclothes#post-409969 Wed, 24 Aug 2011 18:24:13 +0000 rachylou 409969@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ <p>So... as a person in technical communications... I say it does make a difference what you wear. Or to put it another way, it makes a difference what you say with what you wear. As a doctor, you want to be solid, open to hearing what problem the patient has and - and this is different - the illness that underlies it. You need to be a person who does the opposite of creating panic and stress, which do things like increase recovery time from surgery, etc. People need more than your brain power.</p> <p>I have a menagerie of doctors. My PCP is, in fact, a frumpy dresser. But more importantly it's an extension of her stance - she doesn't get too excited about anything. The rest of my doctors are high powered, super ambitious, and flashy specialists. I go to the flashy specialists for ideas. I go to my PCP to make level-headed decisions.</p> <p>Anyways... With the Death of Luxury, I totally believe you really have to look to see if the big price is going towards better construction or better branding these days. And then, well, finer craftsmanship has its limits. I don't buy $300 suitcases anymore, because if you are in airports every week, you'll be replacing the $300 suitcase at the same rate as the $20 one. If you really work on your feet - I would not go for designer salon shoes, because salon shoes are not made for walking and standing in.</p> <p>I would, maybe, check out Taryn Rose. </p> https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/feeling-conflictedguilty-about-buying-designer-shoesclothes#post-409944 Wed, 24 Aug 2011 17:16:31 +0000 MsMary 409944@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ <p>Well, I will tell you that although I never in a million billion years thought I would pay $298 for a pair of shoes, I love my pink Kate Spades (with the rainbow heels) to distraction and haven't regretted that purchase for one single minute! And yes, I've worn 'em with my H&amp;M blazer and AT Loft dress and felt great about the mix!</p> <p>On the other hand, I have to admit I don't find them to be all that much more comfortable than my Madden Girl patent leather pumps, which cost me 80% less. </p> <p>I guess my current position on designer labels is that I will stretch my budget to buy a designer piece if it is super-duper fantastically special like pink pumps with rainbow heels. But I can't imagine paying designer prices for something that could easily be duplicated at a much lower price point, like the same pumps in black or nude. (Right now I am wrestling with whether those same pumps in a lovely grass green fall into the "super-duper fantastically special" category! LOL) </p> https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/feeling-conflictedguilty-about-buying-designer-shoesclothes#post-409942 Wed, 24 Aug 2011 17:00:54 +0000 Kristine 409942@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ <p>I'm frugal but I have fussy feet and would be fine with paying that much for well made and comfortable shoes. I definitely think quality shoes can be worth 4-10x more than Target or Payless. </p> <p>If you have the disposable income I wouldn't feel bad about it. If you make good decisions, these items will likely last you 10 years and maybe more. </p> https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/feeling-conflictedguilty-about-buying-designer-shoesclothes#post-409889 Wed, 24 Aug 2011 15:19:36 +0000 Zoe 409889@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ <p>Wear what you like. Honest.</p> <p>I will admit that I do look at what my doctor is wearing -- just as I do other professionals in whom I have to place my trust. I want them to look neat and clean and like they take care of themselves. And I don't want their clothes and accessories to look TOO expensive. It makes me worry that that one extra test might be funding some Manolos. </p> https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/feeling-conflictedguilty-about-buying-designer-shoesclothes#post-409852 Wed, 24 Aug 2011 14:37:36 +0000 Anonymous 409852@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ <p>My first thoughts reading your post were that you could mix the designer with the less expensive ...prehaps less guilt producing. Have you noticed MaryK's professional look with a wide mix often including Target and Kate Spade in the same outfit? Comfortable footwear is a must. </p> https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/feeling-conflictedguilty-about-buying-designer-shoesclothes#post-409851 Wed, 24 Aug 2011 14:34:54 +0000 Angie 409851@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ <p>Like dianthus, I believe that designer clothing is a personal choice. If you have the income and the merchandise makes you feel fabulous - go for it. People should not judge you by your clothing budget. </p> <p>At the end of the day it's NOBODY's business what you choose to spend on your wardrobe. We should not turn our noses up at people clad in designer product. In the same way we should not turn up our noses at people who shop at budget stores. It can ALL work in a stylish way, and I feel very strongly about this.</p> <p>Personally, I *really* appreciate luscious fabrications and well made products, so that is why I very happily end up paying for designer items. I have been in this industry for 2 decades and seen what it takes to manufacture clothing and footwear. I also bat for Team LIM so I'd rather have fewer better-end pieces. </p> <p>That being said, I absolutely also shop at H&amp;M and Zara - for as long as I can remember. My wardrobe is very mixed - I wear items from H&amp;M and the Gap, to Ann Taylor, Anne Fontaine, Prada and Valentino. </p> <p>As far as footwear goes, you HAVE TO BE COMFORTABLE. If that costs money, I can't think of a better way to spend it. </p> <p>Goldenpig, have you thought about wearing a little make-up and styling your hair? I love your new stuff and hope that you wear it with peace in your heart </p> https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/feeling-conflictedguilty-about-buying-designer-shoesclothes#post-409845 Wed, 24 Aug 2011 14:21:18 +0000 ironkurtin 409845@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ <p>It's funny the thread about being young or appearing young. I work(ed) in an industry where everyone was younger than I was - video games - and thank god they thought I was around their age because I didn't need the tacky cougar references (surprise surprise, boys in entertainment are often not highly socialized).</p> <p>Maybe because of this I never automatically equate age with competence in either direction. Methods and thought change all the time and especially for education-intensive fields like medicine and engineering... maybe the new guys learned a little something the older folks didn't know! Sure, there's no substitute for experience. But there's something to be said for open minds, too. </p> https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/feeling-conflictedguilty-about-buying-designer-shoesclothes#post-409818 Wed, 24 Aug 2011 13:43:53 +0000 modgrl 409818@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ <p>I don't think there's anything wrong with spending a little bit more on yourself to get the right fit and most flattering clothes. But I don't think it's necessarily the case that more expensive or designer shoes and clothes are always going to be more comfortable or better. I like to find a bargain or sale, but more often I do better buying something that is going to be a wardrobe workhorse at full price as soon as it hits the stores. If I wait until it goes on sale or for the end of the season, my size and prefered style is going to be long gone. </p> https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/feeling-conflictedguilty-about-buying-designer-shoesclothes#post-409752 Wed, 24 Aug 2011 07:23:53 +0000 Deborah 409752@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ <p>Goldenpig, great clothing and style are available at many price points. If your income is such that high end clothing are an option then why not. As has already been mentioned the important thing is that you love the pieces and wear them. As Una said it doesn't matter if it's $400 or $20, if you don't wear it, it's a bit of a waste. And not to discount what anyone else has said but I do notice what my doctor wears (lol) however it's not my focal point and of course I would rather she be more than competent than stylish, tho following surgery last year (one year ago today) I do remember thinking how lovely my doctor's jacket was. Bizarre really as I had some complications and woke up feeling I had been hit by a train...maybe it was just part of my "coping mechanism"? </p> https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/feeling-conflictedguilty-about-buying-designer-shoesclothes#post-409742 Wed, 24 Aug 2011 05:25:54 +0000 mamaKate 409742@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ <p>Just some empathy, goldenpig, I feel your pain about the looking young thing. I, too, am nearing 40 and am in a profession where lay people have to trust my judgement (structural engineer, making sure buildings don't fall down, for example, in earthquakes). However I still get asked when I graduated and I get a look of surprise that I'm already fully licensed (a 6-year process, completed almost ten years ago).</p> <p>Mainly for this reason of looking young, I choose my professional style to err on the side of dressing up, and dressing "older" than my age. And, yes, for me that means a lot of tailoring and a few designer pieces, including shoes. While it's true that no one really *cares* what shoes your doctor is wearing, everyone does notice. </p> <p>Apologies that I have posted so few WIWs so you can't really get a sense of my style, but I just can't find the time to take and upload the photos. (I'm still pretty low tech, too.)</p> <p>Well no matter what, have tons of fun and feel great in what you wear. Cheers! </p> https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/feeling-conflictedguilty-about-buying-designer-shoesclothes#post-409733 Wed, 24 Aug 2011 04:32:59 +0000 Kelly 409733@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ <p>I really don't think there's a problem with buying designer stuff if you love it, get use out of it, and can afford it. I wouldn't go into debt for it (or non-designer stuff either, for that matter). You can still look polished at any price point. If I could buy some designer items, I surely would, but I don't anticipate that ever happening for me! </p> https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/feeling-conflictedguilty-about-buying-designer-shoesclothes#post-409707 Wed, 24 Aug 2011 02:44:18 +0000 cheryle (Dianthus) 409707@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ <p>Perhaps it is also because we go to the doctor more often as we age and the older one is, the younger others appear. My 78 year old father refers to 'that young guy" as someone who is 60ish. I am sure you look great as you approach 40 but a 40 year old is young to a 60 year old and ancient to a 20 year old. It is all perspective. </p> https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/feeling-conflictedguilty-about-buying-designer-shoesclothes#post-409700 Wed, 24 Aug 2011 02:34:11 +0000 goldenpig 409700@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ <p>Thanks guys! Well, I'd like to think that I'm a good doctor too and I know what I wear is not going to make a whit of difference to most people or change the way I practice medicine. I guess I'm just feeling a little sensitive because it's been such a long long road of medical training and yet people still think I'm fresh out of medical school even though that was AGES ago...something about my dress (I don't wear a white coat) or my face makes me look young. Or perhaps lack of makeup and long hair always in a ponytail? I'm sort of nearing 40 and getting to the point where looking young is a good thing, so when they say "You look so young!" I usually just say "Thanks for the compliment!" But I guess I just wanted to look a little more sophisticated/professional. I'll have to see whether these designer shoes are any more comfortable than the typical pumps. If not...they're going right back, designer or not! Like Angie says, I have fussy feet! </p> https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/feeling-conflictedguilty-about-buying-designer-shoesclothes#post-409699 Wed, 24 Aug 2011 02:33:40 +0000 ironkurtin 409699@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ <p>The answer to buying designer items (for me), doctor or not, is entirely dependent on the item itself. I personally never care what my doctor wears or how old or young they are - and it doesn't look like others do, either! However, if wearing something special makes you feel special and competent, then why not? I wouldn't feel guilty about that. A lot of design thought goes into designer items. But make sure you LOVE them or you won't wear them no matter how great other people think/say they are. (That's aside from them being comfortable, which is job #1 for any clothing item.)</p> <p>Side note: I've been told that the same place that makes Prada shoes also makes J Crew shoes. </p> https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/feeling-conflictedguilty-about-buying-designer-shoesclothes#post-409691 Wed, 24 Aug 2011 02:14:52 +0000 cheryle (Dianthus) 409691@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ <p>I think it is a very personal choice. If you have the disposable income and want to buy designer clothes and shoes, then buy them. </p> <p>My doctor is about the same age as I am and I really don't care how she dresses. I know she works ridiculously long days and has two kids and is a single parent. She is also a fabulous doctor and I might not have survived an illness a few years ago if it hadn't been for her. She could wear a paper bag or Prada and I would still think I was damn lucky to have her as my physician. </p> https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/feeling-conflictedguilty-about-buying-designer-shoesclothes#post-409673 Wed, 24 Aug 2011 01:46:16 +0000 catgirl 409673@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ <p>My amazing thyroid doctor dresses in clean but very plain almost frumpy clothes. She wears no makeup and keeps her hair in a ponytail. I couldn't care less what she's wearing - I want to know that she's looking at my medical chart. </p> <p>That said, I wouldn't think less of a doctor in Prada shoes! I don't think you should feel guilty about things that make you truly happy. The key is to learn what items you will truly love and use (at any price point - even a pair of Payless shoes are a waste if not worn, as I've learned the hard way). Pick one or two items that will be your signature or statement pieces - then go from there. </p> <p>The other issue for me is that I enjoy bargain shopping. If you don't enjoy it or have time for it, then it is worth the price for something you really want or need, if you don't have to search for it.</p> <p>You can't have a wardrobe entirely of crazy high end statement piece orphans, but you certainly should allow yourself to enjoy your fashion sensibilities! Boots, coats, bras - those are items I will spend lots of $ on. </p> https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/feeling-conflictedguilty-about-buying-designer-shoesclothes#post-409666 Wed, 24 Aug 2011 01:30:19 +0000 Vildy 409666@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ <p>I've noticed on forums where people like clothing, shopping, bargains, etc that there can be an infectiousness, as you mentioned. After awhile you<br /> "know" the members and you begin to value their opinions and habits even more and this increases the incentive to participate and shop. </p> <p>I'd say about the expensive shoes that everybody's feet are individual and probably the pair you have that hurts after ten minutes are someone else's go to shoe. And vice versa. Why not start with one pair and give it a fair test and take your temperature as to what you want. </p> <p>Sometimes buying a name brand is a timesaver, if you already know the fit and whether it pleases you. Money vs. time. Or time is money. </p> <p>Since our kid has hemophilia, we all have a lot of experience with doctors. But the best thing I learned about judging a doctor I learned on my own years ago. I had an unidentifiable rash and one doctor diagnosed it as heat rash. It wouldn't go away. I went to a dermatologist and told him this goofy idea I had that it seemed to look like bread mold.<br /> When he saw it he was ecstatic and asked if I would mind if he called his colleagues in because they'd never seen this except in a textbook. I had been living in Key West. It was more tropical that anything they dealt with in upstate New York. So what I wanted to know, after all the excitement died down, was can I get rid of it now? Oh sure, he said. Couple of weeks. And it was very closely related to bread mold. He said that he had learned that if he listened to his patients they usually could tell him what was wrong with them. Difference between a good and bad doctor, I think. I don't remember what he wore. </p> https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/feeling-conflictedguilty-about-buying-designer-shoesclothes#post-409634 Wed, 24 Aug 2011 00:51:29 +0000 goldenpig 409634@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ <p>I never was into designer bags or clothes or shoes. Most of my previous wardrobe was from Ann Taylor &amp; Banana Republic and is about 10 years old. But ever since I joined YLF, I have caught a serious fashion bug and have been buying a lot of new clothes &amp; shoes. I never had any designer shoes before, but last month I got some Aquatalia and La Canadienne boots, and now I am thinking about getting a pair of Chie Mihara sandals as well as some black and brown Prada pumps that I happened to find on sale at Bluefly. These pumps were recommended by someone on another board as her best pair of work pumps ever--which is pretty high praise, since she seems to be a bit of a shoe collector. These look like a good height and with the black and brown combo, it would match with pretty much everything. I have a pair of black Naturalizer pumps but I never wear them because they hurt my feet after 10 minutes. Also I found another pair of red and black Prada pumps (although I'm not sure if they have the right size for me) that look like another great work and dress pump. So I'm thinking of getting these (at least to try &amp; see if they will fit right and be comfortable) but I am also feeling conflicted and a bit guilty about splurging on myself. Is this really worth it to buy designer shoes and clothes, or am I just wasting money? Are shoes like this really 4-10X more comfortable and better made than all the other pumps you can get at Payless or Target or Macy's? I am on my feet a lot at work so I need shoes that are comfortable. What do you think of these shoes? Worth the price?<br /> <a href="http://www.bluefly.com/Prada-black-leather-contrast-trim-ankle-strap-pumps/SEARCH/313293501/detail.fly" rel="nofollow">http://www.bluefly.com/Prada-b.....detail.fly</a><br /> <a href="http://www.bluefly.com/Prada-red-patent-bow-detail-dOrsay-pumps/SEARCH/316145901/detail.fly" rel="nofollow">http://www.bluefly.com/Prada-r.....detail.fly</a><br /> <a href="http://www.strutdenver.com/product_detail.cfm?Product=CHIE-MIHARA-Eloisa&#038;Category=SHOES&#038;CatID=1&#038;PID=1015" rel="nofollow">http://www.strutdenver.com/pro.....8;PID=1015</a><br /> And what about designer clothes? I recently bought a bunch of stuff from Nordstrom and Kate Spade (which I posted for you guys earlier)--they were all on sale, but still not exactly cheap. Is it worth it to buy designer/higher-end clothes or should I try to find cheaper options at H&amp;M, Gap, etc? As a doctor, it seems like I should try to maintain a more professional appearance at work (at least, more than I have been in the past) because I feel like my patients will feel more confident in me if I look older &amp; more professional (I constantly get the concerned comment "You look so young!"--even though I've been out of medical school for 15 years). So maybe it's worth it to spend more on my wardrobe to get higher quality items, and I should sort of look at it as a "business/marketing investment"? I'm in a totally different stage in life, career, earning power, etc. than when I bought my clothes before. Still, I'm feeling a little guilty. Just wondering if it's worth it to buy designer especially for classic pieces like pumps &amp; coats, or whether I'm being wasteful and should try to bargain shop.</p> <p>Thanks in advance for your insights &amp; experience! </p>