YouLookFab Forum » Topic: Empty Nest

YouLookFab Forum » Topic: Empty Nest https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/empty-nest Style Advice for Fashion Lovers en-US Wed, 22 Apr 2026 13:31:15 +0000 http://bbpress.org/?v=1.0.2 <![CDATA[Search]]> q https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/search.php Helen11 on "Empty Nest" https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/empty-nest/page/2#post-1725287 Fri, 09 Sep 2016 12:59:49 +0000 Helen11 1725287@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ That is certainly a lot to deal with all at once. Be kind to yourself while you're recovering. Sounds like you might be caught between needing to slow down after surgery, and wanting to keep busy and distracted! I hope you've had another better day in the meantime. unfrumped on "Empty Nest" https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/empty-nest/page/2#post-1724239 Wed, 07 Sep 2016 00:32:05 +0000 unfrumped 1724239@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ Wow. Nest may be empty but plate is full. Take it easy; schedule a massage! Glory on "Empty Nest" https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/empty-nest/page/2#post-1723980 Tue, 06 Sep 2016 13:03:46 +0000 Glory 1723980@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ Staysfit sending your a virtual hug! Glad you are feeling a bit better today.  LACeleste on "Empty Nest" https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/empty-nest#post-1723788 Mon, 05 Sep 2016 23:36:46 +0000 LACeleste 1723788@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ So pleased you are feeling a bit better.  You have been hit with a lot and I feel for you. Staysfit on "Empty Nest" https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/empty-nest#post-1723636 Mon, 05 Sep 2016 15:57:06 +0000 Staysfit 1723636@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ Fortunately feeling a bit better today! Barbara Diane on "Empty Nest" https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/empty-nest#post-1723480 Mon, 05 Sep 2016 03:33:10 +0000 Barbara Diane 1723480@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ Staysfit, that is more than I can imagine having happen all at once.  I'm not surprised that you are crying. So much has happened. I'm guessing you'd been so busy getting DS ready for school, now you have time to cry. Or, your body just said, it's time you stop and feel. Do whatever you can to take care of yourself. Tea, coffee, fresh air, friends, walking, etc. Whatever feeds you. anne on "Empty Nest" https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/empty-nest#post-1723469 Mon, 05 Sep 2016 02:35:54 +0000 anne 1723469@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ Staysfit you have been having a tough time! So sorry to read of all this. Staysfit on "Empty Nest" https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/empty-nest#post-1723430 Mon, 05 Sep 2016 00:41:47 +0000 Staysfit 1723430@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ First of all, I am so sorry to hear about your dog Glory. My childhood dog, Caesar died when I was part way through my freshman year. He had a doggy girlfriend and he apparently went over to her house when he was ready to die. Her family called my mom, who in turn broke the news to me over the phone. My dog was 14. I was devastated. I know my mom was. Knowing this made it even harder when I watched my DS say goodbye to Farley. He adores Farley, and Farley just turned 11. He is showing his age, and I worry for him, but also both my kids who are incredibly attached to him, and have experienced an enormous amount of loss recently. Thanks for all the sage replies to my post. I apologize for my failure to say much in response, but this has been a difficult topic for me. I am incredibly anxious about my DS. I am still crying when I think about him. I am also still mourning the death of my aunt, who died tragically and unexpectedly around a month ago. i am admittedly still grieving the losses of my step father and MIL who also died in the past year, All that loss seems to make my sons absence much harder. Adding to my current emotional stress, my surviving parents are fragile and elderly and live 9.5 hours drive away, in another state. My brother has lived within a short drive of them, but a few weeks ago accepted a job out of state. My parents are unhappy and anxious about him leaving. Since learning the news, my dad has fallen while out on a walk and he broke his nose. My brother was house hunting in the new state, and I was delivering my DS to his college. It's amid this loss and family chaos that I also had an elective surgery (a few days ago) to remove kidney stones. Crazy right! I anticipated three stones but ended up with 9-10. I also have a new to me diagnosis, Medullary Sponge Kidney. I'm pretty tired and my neck is sore. They must have positioned me in an awkward way or torqued it because I feel like I have whip lash! (Literally and emotionally, this is definitely the sandwhich generation for me!). My DS had his first week of classes and met with the disability services coordinator. They didn't give him everything I hoped, but he says he's okay with it. He thinks he can manage with what they are providing. I can only hope the scaffolding we built over the past 18 years is strong and secure. He celebrated his 18th Birthday yesterday. It was the first time he was not with us on his Birthday. It was hard for all of us. I had sent him two care packages with his favorite goodies. (Enough to share with his roommate, and friends he has made in the dorm.). He agreed to call us twice a week. He is doing it. He also texted me once between calls. I'm hopeful, because he has never been much of a communicator. His DS constantly texts and calls. I feel very connected to her. I think that's one of the fears, of losing the connection. I think my connection with my DD has become even stronger and closer as she has become an adult. She's a communicator though unlike my DS, I have tried to help him become a better communicator. I guess that's my new parent role. Not to interfere, but to support. My DH and I have some plans in the works, but I'm too tired now to keep going. Later! Gaylene on "Empty Nest" https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/empty-nest#post-1722679 Fri, 02 Sep 2016 20:48:15 +0000 Gaylene 1722679@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ Oh, this is really weird because our beloved golden also passed away a few months before our son moved to university. We almost got another dog just to alleviate some of the strangeness of having all that empty space, but, sanely, decided to wait it out for a few months. It was the right decision for us because we gradually got used to our new life as just a couple again--although, if I'm honest, it did take a few years. The first months, though, were definitely when we needed to distract ourselves with other events and activities. JAileen on "Empty Nest" https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/empty-nest#post-1722625 Fri, 02 Sep 2016 19:34:02 +0000 JAileen 1722625@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ It will take time. I found the more I talked about our dogs, the easier it became. It was ten years ago. She was our first family pet, too. She was a rescued Schipperke. We got her when our son was in second grade. Since that time our son graduated from college, went to grad school, lived overseas, and just now moved to the Midwest. The dog we got when he was in college, a rescued Jack Russell, has also died. Now we have two terriers, another Jack Russell and a Scottie. They are very entertaining, but always in the back of my mind is how short their lives are. Glory on "Empty Nest" https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/empty-nest#post-1722618 Fri, 02 Sep 2016 19:11:33 +0000 Glory 1722618@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ Thank you JAileen. I am so sorry for you as well. It was our first and only family pet and has been so much more difficult than I could have imagined. As a work from home mom she had been my faithful little friend since the day I got her, often sitting on my lap while I worked. It will take some time to move through this.  JAileen on "Empty Nest" https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/empty-nest#post-1722614 Fri, 02 Sep 2016 18:58:06 +0000 JAileen 1722614@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ Glory, I'm so sorry. The same exact thing happened to us: our dog died a couple weeks before our only child left college. Our house was weirdly quiet. Glory on "Empty Nest" https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/empty-nest#post-1722607 Fri, 02 Sep 2016 18:49:32 +0000 Glory 1722607@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ I am crying reading this read. I have been crying for 3 weeks. My beloved dog died a few weeks ago very suddenly. She was my heart. It has taken weeks for me to even put that in print here.  Now I am preparing for my son to leave tomorrow afternoon. I feel so overwhelmed with sadness, especially at night, which leads to dreadful insomnia. I want to thank all these moms who have been through this and provide the support, ideas to keep in touch and and many sadness solutions in this thread. I will reread this several times in the next few days. I am just putting one foot in front of the other at the moment. AZBeth on "Empty Nest" https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/empty-nest#post-1722513 Fri, 02 Sep 2016 15:49:02 +0000 AZBeth 1722513@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ For some reason I just cried my eyes out when I read through this thread... I am a several years away from an empty nest (daughters are 14 and 11) but my 14yo is starting HS next week and I know how fast the next 4 years will go by... so I must be extra emotional Anonymous on "Empty Nest" https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/empty-nest#post-1720871 Tue, 30 Aug 2016 04:24:43 +0000 Anonymous 1720871@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ What Elle said. There will be lots of good changes too. You will sleep better without wondering where your teen is in the wee hours. You can reconnect with your DH and do more things together not having to be home to fix meals, etc. Your home will stay cleaner. First, plan a fall trip to your child's college. They probably have a parents' weekend. Send care packages of snacks and cookies. Your child will be popular and you will gain sainthood status with his/her friends. Do not expect to hear from your child after a few weeks, except for money. We instituted a tradition that they call once a week, like every Sunday or on Monday nights. It is better that they call you at a time convenient for them. Send short notes and funny cards. It's always a mood lifter to get mail. Elle on "Empty Nest" https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/empty-nest#post-1720614 Mon, 29 Aug 2016 14:55:27 +0000 Elle 1720614@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ At first, I found the empty nest very hard.  Not only did the pace of my life change - from centered around my son's basketball games and activities - but I missed his sense of humor and company.  It felt odd because when my older child left for college, not much changed.  BUT, and this is a big but, after a few months, I really started enjoying being an adult again and loving this stage in life.   Give yourself time to adjust and grieve for the change in your life. It helped to try to do all the things I never had time for (jewelry class, weekends away, hikes with friends).  I know you have additional worries about his social adjustment but this path is worth trying.  It does get better and you will enjoy seeing your child be more independent.  Gaylene on "Empty Nest" https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/empty-nest#post-1719247 Fri, 26 Aug 2016 04:35:37 +0000 Gaylene 1719247@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ No one tells you the hardest part of being a parent is learning to let go. I remember dropping off my son, who was just 17, at a university, 1000 miles away from where we lived. He looked so young and vulnerable, it was all I could do to not scoop him up and bring him back home with me. Someone once described it as having your heart walking around naked and vulnerable--and not being able to do anything about it. Pretty much sums it up, in my opinion. After years of teaching other parents' youngsters, though, I can truthfully say the best gift you can give your (almost) adult children is your unwavering confidence In their ability to manage without you. It's all too easy to want to "fix" things when they hit a stumbling block on their journey to independence, but I kept reminding myself that every time I'd think about swooping in to set things right, I'd be sending my son the message I really didn't think he was capable of going it alone. Instead, I tried to be a sounding board as he worked things out himself and bit my tongue every time I felt myself on the verge of giving advice. I also think it helps to rework your own identity. You'll always be a mother, but that doesn't need to be your primary role once your kids leave home. It's easier on them when they see you leading a full and interesting life instead of being custodian of their past. Sometimes you have to fake it until you make it, but it's a journey both of you have to make. Jeanie on "Empty Nest" https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/empty-nest#post-1719225 Fri, 26 Aug 2016 03:09:08 +0000 Jeanie 1719225@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ I just sent my last one away and I don't think I am doing very well at the moment (my husband either - neither of us wants to be in the house in the evening) but I am learning.  Sending the first child away was hard but we moved to a new city shortly after and it helped to not have all the reminders of the old house.  I find it harder with the last child because I no longer have another child to focus on.  I have been reading and this is what I have found.  One article said that you can't just move on...you have to replace the loss.  So I have been working at trying new activities.  I believe it would have been beneficial to ramp up my work before he left because I have way too much time now.  I am trying to treat myself as the child.  By this I mean that I am buying myself the cool lunchbox (new bento box) and pack a cool lunch for myself and getting some back to school clothes, etc.  Make the fun for yourself or a friend.  What hit me the hardest is that he asked me not to text him and save my questions for the end of the week when he calls.  We've always have a strong connection and texted each other throughout the day.  I know he is busy at school and I had only sent 3 texts in 2 days so that one hurt.  I try now to let him initiate the conversation.  People have told me that boys tend not to communicate while girls stay more in touch.  My poor friends get to hear all my woes I'm afraid. It is good to have someone with a ear that will listen.  I haven't figured out how to replace the noise and excitement in the house.  May have to get a dog??  Until then I will be at yoga a lot reminding myself to stay in the present.  Be kind to yourself.  Let your feelings come and go and give yourself time to get used to it.  One article said it could take 18 months.  Hugs to you.  anchie on "Empty Nest" https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/empty-nest#post-1718838 Thu, 25 Aug 2016 12:40:41 +0000 anchie 1718838@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ I don't have much advice to offer since I am a long way from empty nest. My 2 kids are 10 years apart. I am just embarking on this journey, my son is leaving for university in a month. It seems that he is more ready than I am. Not sure how will I cope with this. And not to mention losing free baby sitting services ;)  Gail on "Empty Nest" https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/empty-nest#post-1718824 Thu, 25 Aug 2016 12:19:44 +0000 Gail 1718824@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ I have sent 3 children off to college and each time it has been a different experience. The last one was the hardest, he is now about to start his senior year next week. I have to say I think that I am finally getting used to it and have accepted that its all part of growing up for them and me ! BrieN on "Empty Nest" https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/empty-nest#post-1718742 Thu, 25 Aug 2016 02:48:52 +0000 BrieN 1718742@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ Reading with interest: we're on the way, the minivan is full of the teenagers belongings and the house will be very empty when we get home. Suz on "Empty Nest" https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/empty-nest#post-1718682 Thu, 25 Aug 2016 01:08:32 +0000 Suz 1718682@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ I am reading this with interest. At this very moment, I'm on the university-viewing trip with our daughter who struggles with severe anxiety and learning disabilities combined with giftedness in specific areas. She wants to go to university clear across the country from where we live. She is in no way ready for this, and even if she takes a gap year, she won't be ready.  I don't think I'm ready, either. :)  Anyway, I am reading the wise counsel. I don't have much to offer except -- breathe deep, trust in what you have given him, remember, you are only a flight away, and encourage him to make the connections with people who can support him in times of need.  As for you -- as Windchime said, you have lots of professional interests and now you will have time to indulge your other pleasures a little more. Go out in some of those fab new clothes!! :)  A good friend's autistic son went to a university a few hours away. For him, it was a wonderful experience. He made real friends for the first time in his life. He now lives with his mother again but in a sort of separate apartment in her house, and he is still in touch with the friends he made at that time.  Windchime on "Empty Nest" https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/empty-nest#post-1718677 Thu, 25 Aug 2016 00:50:50 +0000 Windchime 1718677@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ Just within the last week, I read a very helpful article for women anticipating an empty nest. (Mine won't be empty for three more years, but I'm kind of pre-grieving my child's departure.) I'm sorry I can't remember where I found the article or who wrote it. Ths article encouraged us to think back to what we used to do for "play" in childhood and see if we can reconnect with those early interests during some of the extra time we will have. Examples were youthful sports interests, musical outlets, and/or other creative endeavors--needlework, art, drama, etc. Other ideas were to take classes in a subject that has always interested us, or to find fulfilling volunteer work. The author also encouraged women to intentionally "ramp up" their careers, beginning a few years prior to the empty nest. I know that you already have fufilling, substantial work, so that part of the author's advice probably doesn't apply to you. Now it's really bugging me that I can't remember where I read that article! UmmLila (Lisa) on "Empty Nest" https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/empty-nest#post-1718663 Thu, 25 Aug 2016 00:24:15 +0000 UmmLila (Lisa) 1718663@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ I mentioned earlier that my daughter was looking at colleges this summer. But she's also boarding at her high school for senior year, starting Monday. So we will also be empty nesters. Waaah. And my husband is going to be off making the hajj (a religious pilgrimage) for the first half of September. Dog and I just booked a condo at the Cape for a week. :-) rachylou on "Empty Nest" https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/empty-nest#post-1718650 Thu, 25 Aug 2016 00:13:30 +0000 rachylou 1718650@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ I got a dog. Honestly, I found it very disorienting to not have all the little things to think about. deb on "Empty Nest" https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/empty-nest#post-1718615 Wed, 24 Aug 2016 22:27:52 +0000 deb 1718615@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ I really feel for you but I can give no advice because I did not handle it well, even though I tried. I was a single mom which may have had something to do with it, though. Lyn D. on "Empty Nest" https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/empty-nest#post-1718607 Wed, 24 Aug 2016 22:03:30 +0000 Lyn D. 1718607@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ I feel for you! In Australia kids rarely go away for University, rather we have the opposite 'problem'- they NEVER leave home unfrumped on "Empty Nest" https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/empty-nest#post-1718605 Wed, 24 Aug 2016 21:58:31 +0000 unfrumped 1718605@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ II can be a great time! What's weird is you have to start to realize you can make plans and roll have timd for projects, events. So sometimes I woukc be sg loose ends because I had kept my schedule "free " for kids' stuff. What also is interesting is that if ond is working outside of home, there still are major timd constraints do it is skso easy to expand areas that don't fulfull much. For example, I love to cook, but had a tendency get into doing more involved meal prep (and then cleanup) of foods and recipes DH and I like. When instead I still need to use enough streamlined, simple routines in order to havd time to " expand" in some new direction or leisure activity, whether taking an evening walk, reading more books, participating in church or other evening events, doing a garden or craft project, or being able to go OOT on short notice. You know, you can do a LOT of things but not EVERYTHING. Cerinda on "Empty Nest" https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/empty-nest#post-1718604 Wed, 24 Aug 2016 21:56:00 +0000 Cerinda 1718604@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ Staysfit, I'm wearing very similar shoes.  We take our youngest to school 2000 miles away on Saturday.  He's had very mixed experiences with schools and summer programs as long as I can remember --dyslexia and mid-range ADHD coupled with high intelligence scores in multiple domains.  During his gap year, I saw his executive function skyrocket, his self-image teeter, and his anxiety improve. I'm just trying to position myself to trust the universe and trust him instead of wallowing in fear.  Sigh.  I worry about how accepting and accepted his (art) school's support services are, but will give him space  to navigate that --or not-- on his own. We started preparing for having more free time a while ago, gradually re-engaging with a neglected shared interest (sailing), reaching deeper into our individual interests (fashion, guitar).  We're looking forward to "raising the bar" on the activities we pursued with and without our kids (performance, skiing).   When our middle kid went off to college, I got a puppy.  Eight years later, I have almost 80 pounds of puppy (plus DH took in the runt of his littermate's first litter, now 3 and a wee 24 lbs.).  I shudder to think what trouble I'll get myself into this time. Best wishes.  I'll keep you and your family in my thoughts. chewyspaghetti on "Empty Nest" https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/empty-nest#post-1718593 Wed, 24 Aug 2016 21:28:44 +0000 chewyspaghetti 1718593@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ My younger one is a senior this year, but I had a taste of the empty nest as she was working out of town for two months this summer. Let me tell you....I enjoyed the heck out of it! Of course, it's just the BF and me....and the cats. I travel all the time and we were both really busy this summer, so the days we had home alone were relished! My older child is 20, and on the Autism spectrum. He floundered a bit after high school (he was also dealing with the divorce of his parents). He did some classes at the community college, then decided that was not for him....now he is in a program at Job Corps where he is learning to do medical back office stuff. He lives at the dorms there, and seems to have figured out what he wants to do. It's scary sending them out into the world, but our society now has so much more information and understanding about kids like ours than it used to.