https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/emotions-and-shopping Style Advice for Fashion Lovers en-US Sat, 11 Apr 2026 16:28:24 +0000 http://bbpress.org/?v=1.0.2 q https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/search.php https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/emotions-and-shopping/page/2#post-2198543 Fri, 28 May 2021 21:10:53 +0000 Jenni NZ 2198543@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ <p>I like what ReneeP and Sloper and unfrumped have just said!<br /> I do what ReneeP does, I do a bit of a go-round of the mall first ( same small mall as my favourite supermarket, so I am there anyway) and check out the lay of the land as it were. But then I always check my lists and clothing at home. This seems to work well, like I saw my new animal print linen T-shirt for $35 this way and have worn it 13 times in about 3 months, so that’s really good.<br /> I am also a bit of a loner like Sloper for some of this- even though essentially an extrovert I need to recover from giving out all day at work, and a bit of time to myself looking at beautiful things seems to soothe me on days off. And what unfrumped said about the realisation that there will always be more clothes to buy ( I think Lisap may have said that to me originally in response to a post of mine) has really helped me, because I tended to just have more than I could actually wear. I still do in fact but at least I am no longer adding to that eg dresses and skirts.<br /> I have realised I can like or admire something without needing to buy it! </p> https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/emotions-and-shopping/page/2#post-2198496 Fri, 28 May 2021 17:48:16 +0000 Zaeobi 2198496@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ <p>Re: the Everlane items you have but don't want to keep, have you considered posting them on this forum's 'Style Exchange' board? I'm sure someone here would be glad to take them off your hands! </p> <p>I don't know where you live but this probably is only worth doing if the cost of shipping isn't too high. Otherwise donating it locally is also an option </p> https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/emotions-and-shopping/page/2#post-2198463 Fri, 28 May 2021 14:47:52 +0000 unfrumped 2198463@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ <p>I think it does require some reflection to understand whether it’s an issue or not.<br /> It was helpful to me to keep to recognizing that there will always tons more great things to buy than I can possibly wear. I have had a lot of FOMO — oh there will never be another —- in this color and in my size and it fits , oh only one left, it’s on sale, it got away...<br /> I liked having the items , they could be ones that were sensible, fun, good quality, but I didn’t have enough places/ times to wear them. Not counting a few special- occasion items , which I’m ok with keeping around, but items that should be worn often in their seasons. For me that created “ bad feelings” because it ended up undermining the type of good fun I wanted have with clothes and shopping. Kind of your inner voice knows the difference. And not any specific minimalism or deprivation- just more realistic for needs and lifestyle and how to apportion energy and resources. </p> <p> I also have been developing more “ just say no” muscles in a positive way, because NOT buying something is actually part of shopping and wardrobe curation , not an actual opposite, so restraint has its own kind of brain- reward if I tap into it. </p> <p>Outfit creation sessions are very good also because it keeps me aware of what I’ve got or may forget about. Had to be more intentional in pandemic because I might create outfits I wasn’t wearing, but was trying to keep up with fits, yay/ nay. It’s still a little crazy that now I’m going a few more places, I’m still feeling my way about “ what to wear” because of being out of practice. </p> <p>I also like Alyssa Beltempo posts. And Jill Chivers Shop Your Wardrobe and shopping pauses. </p> https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/emotions-and-shopping#post-2198412 Fri, 28 May 2021 06:40:34 +0000 Sloper 2198412@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ <p>I enjoy fashion and shopping AND buying.&nbsp; I can always find something! </p> <p>I have my own weaknesses, and know that it can become easy for me to shop/buy when I'm stressed, bored, in denial, as a reward, etc.&nbsp; Gosh, almost every emotion it seems!!&nbsp; I'm a loner and enjoy going to the mall by myself and wandering around.&nbsp; I like the visual stimulation and am easily triggered to buy.</p> <p>Of course this is not infinitely sustainable - money, space, actual needs.</p> <p>If I have to get really hard-core with myself, I have to go cold-turkey!<br />The most effective way for me to stop buying is to stop shopping - i.e. to eliminate "fashion" and the visual stimulation as much as possible.&nbsp; Just to stop looking.</p> <p>Sigh. </p> https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/emotions-and-shopping#post-2198378 Fri, 28 May 2021 00:53:52 +0000 Renee P 2198378@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ <p>I can relate to shopping more with certain emotional states. I really have to watch myself at times, too. I have learned to scout out things during the first go-round at some stores. Then I look at my closet to see if anything I saw can fill holes that I have in my wardrobe.&nbsp; I also really make sure that the outfits are truly flattering on my body and not wishful thinking.</p> https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/emotions-and-shopping#post-2198331 Thu, 27 May 2021 19:56:21 +0000 LaPed 2198331@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ <p>I feel this! I’d anticipated a slow year, but retail is full of things that appeal to me and work for my body type. This is a rarity and it’s prompted me to look somewhat more critically at my existing wardrobe: are there things that I’ve been making do with for several years but don’t enjoy wearing very much? Low rise pants are big one, along with shorter-than-ideal dresses/skirts. Not a strict one-in one-out, but more a matter of accepting that there are pieces in my wardrobe that honestly aren’t as comfortable/flattering/“me” as some of my newer additions from the past six months. I don’t feel so bad passing along things that pulled their weight for several years (or more) and simply don’t feel relevant anymore. </p> https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/emotions-and-shopping#post-2198326 Thu, 27 May 2021 19:33:34 +0000 cat2 2198326@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ <p>If you really want to understand this, there are scientific publications on what they call shopping addiction (kind of weird terminology given no pair of shoes has ever killed anyone), that describe the brain chemistry here. </p> https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/emotions-and-shopping#post-2198318 Thu, 27 May 2021 19:17:49 +0000 Liesbeth 2198318@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ <p>'the irony is my field is behavioral change so it is particularly galling that my brain is a monkey's' -&gt; you crack me up :).<br /> I notice that some things I love no longer get worn when I have too many alternatives. That's when I get reallycritical about new purchases. As for the FOMO: maybe try and think of past items on your wishlist that you didn't buy and whether you ever think of them again once a couple of weeks/months have passed. Odds are you don't miss the item at all. Though I also shop a bit more than I like, mindfulness and realizing that all things pass - the desire for an item as well as the adrenaline rush when you do get it - helps somewhat. </p> https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/emotions-and-shopping#post-2198171 Thu, 27 May 2021 03:27:13 +0000 Jessikams 2198171@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ <p>Interesting thread. Sometimes I wish I had a smaller wardrobe because I get a bit stressed at the thought of the clothes I am not wearing enough. BUT I have spent several big chunks of time away from my wardrobe because of family emergencies or unexpected relocations— one time an entire year!— and having a suitcase wardrobe reeeeeealllyyy sucked. Never the right thing to wear for the occasion or the weather. So I guess it’s all about finding ideal wardrobe size. I know some people have a “Holding zone” that is not intended as a place for soon-to-be-donated clothes, but rather just storage, where they can “shop” if body size or hair color or style changes. </p> https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/emotions-and-shopping#post-2198168 Thu, 27 May 2021 03:20:03 +0000 Echo 2198168@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ <p>I am with Janet. I love shopping as recreation, and I find the best things when I am not actively looking for something. I think you might be looking for a solution to something that's not a problem. If you can afford it and love the things you buy, it's all good. I can think of worse hobbies... </p> https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/emotions-and-shopping#post-2198155 Thu, 27 May 2021 02:26:58 +0000 Jaime 2198155@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ <p>There are so many great comments above! I definitely hear you about theRealReal. The issue of buying and returning is complicated. If you go to a shop it usually just means the clothes were flown in from somewhere to the shop instead of to you - and in bulk before anyone has even expressed an interest. And how did you get to the shop? Is all consumption inherently problematic? Etc. Ultimately for me, some sort of constraints are very helpful (budgetary, space or number limitation, etc.).<br />Too much freedom can be oppressive . </p> https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/emotions-and-shopping#post-2198124 Wed, 26 May 2021 22:53:52 +0000 Sal 2198124@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ <p>I think we all like style here on the forum..... I love the feeling of something new and exciting to wear that brings me joy.....</p> <p>When I feel like my consumption is ahead of where I want it to be I either put a challenge in place (no shopping for a month or two months etc) or until I have completed a goal.&nbsp;&nbsp;</p> <p>I am considering that for June as I have shopped a lot this year too.&nbsp; One mistake I think (worn twice - a second hand purchase) and three things bought out of season that I am yet to wear (but hopeful).&nbsp; I am thinking of some sort of 30x30 or similar for a bit of fun!! </p> https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/emotions-and-shopping#post-2198118 Wed, 26 May 2021 22:15:03 +0000 Style Fan 2198118@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ <p>The forum members are wise and kind.&nbsp; I love looking at beautiful clothes.&nbsp; Even better if they are delivered to my house! </p> https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/emotions-and-shopping#post-2198116 Wed, 26 May 2021 22:05:13 +0000 Angie 2198116@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ <p>I echo what <b>Suntiger, Jonesy, Janet&nbsp;</b>and <b>Suz</b> said :)</p> <p><b>bj1111<i>, </i></b>I totally get the joy and fun involved when shopping. It's an utter delight when you find something you love, and wear it with a happy heart. It's all sorts of AWESOME, and especially as the world opens back up.</p> <p> A wardrobe has to be big enough to service your needs, and small enough to manage and store. I think your question boils down to waste, and how you feel about that. Waste means different things to different people, so there is no model answer or behaviour. Just your personal goals and beliefs, and how you want to put them into practice. Do you want to spend X amount of money, time, energy, resources, carbon emissions on your wardrobe? Would you rather spend some of that on something else? Worth soul searching a little about.</p> <p>It does sound like you want to cut back a bit on the shopping, so setting yourself some type of monthly budget, or the amount of items you are allowed to buy in a season can work well.&nbsp;</p> <p>Also, making sure you know exactly what you have before you commit to new items is a good thing </p> https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/emotions-and-shopping#post-2198087 Wed, 26 May 2021 20:42:12 +0000 Minaminu 2198087@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ <p>it looks like you are enjoying your purchases and are happy with it :)&nbsp;</p> <p>Maybe keeping track of every purchase/emotion could give you a sense of control of the spending and help you see if there is any link with your emotions.&nbsp; </p> https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/emotions-and-shopping#post-2198075 Wed, 26 May 2021 20:16:31 +0000 Synne 2198075@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ <p>JAileen...And celebs and politicians flying their private jets to climate conferences...<br /> I'm no better bj1111, but I like to think I am letting my self be manipulated wide eyed and willing! Or something.... </p> https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/emotions-and-shopping#post-2198074 Wed, 26 May 2021 20:15:45 +0000 Jenni NZ 2198074@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ <p>I like all my clothes too, which is why my wardrobe originally got much bigger than I could manage. Being really really strict about what I would wear has helped and not felt like denying myself, because I can still buy a smaller number of new things that make me very happy as well as satisfied that I am wearing them a lot.<br /> I wouldn’t personally be satisfied with 5 wears. Like my mother of the bride dress has only had 3 wears in the past 2 years and I am not satisfied with that, although not unhappy to see it in my wardrobe since it was perfect for the occasion. </p> https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/emotions-and-shopping#post-2198072 Wed, 26 May 2021 20:04:43 +0000 JAileen 2198072@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ <p> <div>If you feel bad about your purchases, then yes, it’s a problem. &nbsp;As for wears, I don’t keep track. &nbsp;I don’t throw my old clothes away, I donate everything (except underwear and worn out shoes) to the non profit I belong to. &nbsp;Things at our thrift store are bought by three types of shoppers: 1) needy people getting nice things that they can afford, 2) resellers, and 3) middle income people looking for a bargain. &nbsp;I’ve been working there and seen my donations being bought. &nbsp;It makes me feel good.</div><div><br /></div><div>Re shipping things: &nbsp;yes, that’s a problem. &nbsp;I mostly buy things from Macy’s, and save up my returns, and return them in person. &nbsp;Several years ago I remember Arianna Huffington talking about being green. &nbsp;My husband mentioned that her house was something like five times the size of our house.&nbsp;</div></p> https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/emotions-and-shopping#post-2198062 Wed, 26 May 2021 19:41:35 +0000 bj1111 2198062@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ <p>@synne, the irony is my field is behavioral change so it is particularly galling that my brain is a monkey's </p> https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/emotions-and-shopping#post-2198055 Wed, 26 May 2021 19:26:08 +0000 cat2 2198055@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ <p>Maybe set a target number for the month? I have in the past liked the concept of trying to get what I want or need while still staying on budget, because then I think I am more creative in finding deals and prioritizing. I am giving myself a year of shopping for casual pieces without judgment and then I am going to set new targets. </p> https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/emotions-and-shopping#post-2198050 Wed, 26 May 2021 19:09:47 +0000 Synne 2198050@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ <p>"but i get such regret when something sells out! especially on the realreal, where it appears on my wishlist with a big SOLD sign." Oooh, keep in mind that the app is designed that way, it is pure emotional manipulation! I would be so angry!! R. Cialdini deals with this topic in "Influence ". To get people to spend their money you have to persuade their feelings... business rule #1. </p> https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/emotions-and-shopping#post-2198044 Wed, 26 May 2021 18:42:28 +0000 bj1111 2198044@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ <p>so many good thoughts and potential solutions:</p> <p>@synne: I would like to at least slow down and not be quick-draw macgraw on buying.&nbsp; but i get such regret when something sells out!&nbsp; especially on the realreal, where it appears on my wishlist with a big SOLD sign.</p> <p>@Zaeobi: There was period where I completely lost track of the return window and missed a few.&nbsp; Now I have two sizes of everlane jacket and pants, none of which i want and want to give away.</p> <p>@cat2:&nbsp; considered rental, but the range of stuff is not to my taste and as with housing, I prefer owning to renting.</p> <p>@Janet and @Jonesy:&nbsp; you are my shopping people.&nbsp; I love to browse and try-on.&nbsp; I have finally had to implement one-in/one-out and it is helping.&nbsp; Then I discover more clothes/shoes hiding in a previously undiscovered nook!&nbsp; I don't want to stop shopping, but I think I should slow down.&nbsp; If only so mr bj1111 won't lose his mind with the pile of boxes.</p> <p>@Rachylou:&nbsp; the saving-the-polar-bears concern does weigh on me.&nbsp; especially the amazon thing.&nbsp; i have rationalized my choice to be child-free as being environmentally friendly, but it doesn't help when my purchases do a return trip back to the warehouse.&nbsp;&nbsp;</p> <p>you guys are so wise!</p> <p> </p> https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/emotions-and-shopping#post-2198042 Wed, 26 May 2021 18:33:03 +0000 Suz 2198042@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ <p>I like what <b>Jonesy</b> said. And <b>Suntiger.&nbsp;</b> </p> https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/emotions-and-shopping#post-2198035 Wed, 26 May 2021 18:01:43 +0000 Anonymous 2198035@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ <p>Just speaking for myself here. &nbsp;I love the (alas, temporary) serotonin rush I get when that box of new stuff arrives. &nbsp;But when that inner voice starts objecting, I know it's time to dial back the shopping activity. &nbsp;That voice is never wrong, and I always listen to it.</p> https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/emotions-and-shopping#post-2198021 Wed, 26 May 2021 17:29:00 +0000 Janet 2198021@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ <p>Jonesy, I agree that one-in, one-out definitely helps! When I buy something new, I have to find a hanger or shelf space for it. And I gave away a bunch of excess hangers after my last edit so I would not be tempted to fill them back up. This is helping me stay in check a bit. </p> <p>I also think this is a time when a lot of us are celebrating things opening back up a bit. </p> https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/emotions-and-shopping#post-2198014 Wed, 26 May 2021 17:13:26 +0000 Jonesy 2198014@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ <p>I saw on another thread that you have been buying from TheRealReal; is that the main source of your shopping? I am asking because I too have become besotted with the amazing deals to be had there! I used to love thrifting, but now I get the same thrill from browsing TRR, and I am finding lots of stuff irresistible. Beautiful, high-quality, inexpensive, relatively eco-conscious because it is discarded--what's not to love? Additionally, we just ended 8 years of austerity in our household (two kids heading to college, so we were saving everything we could for their 529 accounts), so now I can spend a little bit again, and it feels great! </p> <p>It also feels hopeful and optimistic somehow, to be looking to the future and actually wearing interesting clothes outside of the house (e.g., we went out to eat this week, saw an outdoor concert last night, and will celebrate a dear friend's 50th bday this weekend--more excitement than I've had in the past 14 months!). So....I guess I'm not being very helpful to you if you are looking to slow down your shopping :)! I can relate and maybe it's not so bad, given what we have all been through? </p> <p>But I agree with the previous comments, and Suntiger's checklist seems helpful. I am super-duper picky about what I buy and keep, so that I don't overdo it and end up with lots of lovely stuff I can't possibly wear. And I just donated lots of clothes from a holding zone, stuff that I've had for up to ten years but just wasn't going to wear again, so that helps balance the scales a bit. Maybe you could consider a one in, one out policy for certain things? E.g., I have lots of silk button downs which I only wear for work, so I have a loose one in, one out policy for those, since I really don't need any more. </p> https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/emotions-and-shopping#post-2197991 Wed, 26 May 2021 15:59:27 +0000 Anonymous 2197991@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ <p>It's not necessarily problematic unless:<br /> 1. It causes debt/financial hardship. No clothes are worth paying 30% interest on top of their cost.<br /> 2. It causes conflict with household members. Clothes are not worth arguing about!<br /> 3. You are running out of space in your existing storage. If you're buying more containers to house your shopping, time to reconsider.<br /> 4. Your size is changing. Don't buy a lot if you're actively gaining or losing weight. </p> https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/emotions-and-shopping#post-2197983 Wed, 26 May 2021 15:44:02 +0000 rachylou 2197983@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ <p>Why do you regret buying your current delivery? And what do you do with items that have gone past the 5-wears mark?</p> <p>Maybe this has just been a good shopping year for you! Some years the times seem to meet my style, and others not so much.</p> <p>I’ll admit tho, I’ve been reading how much we need to reduce emissions - the world needs a 7% reduction in economic activity every year for the next ten years to avoid catastrophic climate change and another giant state-sized chunk of Antarctic ice just broke into the sea... which is a lot of methane up. So there’s that... (!) </p> https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/emotions-and-shopping#post-2197980 Wed, 26 May 2021 15:37:31 +0000 cat2 2197980@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ <p>You seem like an ideal candidate for a clothing and a jewelry rental service; that way you always have something new, and you don’t need to store or dispose of a ton of stuff. </p> https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/emotions-and-shopping#post-2197979 Wed, 26 May 2021 15:36:26 +0000 Janet 2197979@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ <p>I’m not sure I have any advice for you because frankly I love shopping as recreation. I find it less pleasurable when I need something specific because it too often proves elusive. I do better when I chance upon something that later on proves to be a workhorse! So I’m following along... </p>