YouLookFab Forum » Topic: Elusive happiness factor (sorry

YouLookFab Forum » Topic: Elusive happiness factor (sorry - long) https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/elusive-happiness-factor-sorry---long Style Advice for Fashion Lovers en-US Sun, 19 Apr 2026 00:21:32 +0000 http://bbpress.org/?v=1.0.2 <![CDATA[Search]]> q https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/search.php Tierra on "Elusive happiness factor (sorry - long)" https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/elusive-happiness-factor-sorry---long/page/2#post-1344588 Mon, 01 Sep 2014 17:01:05 +0000 Tierra 1344588@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ @Kiwigal: YES, yes yes!  :-)  I need more glue.  Since, like I mentioned, I have lots of shoes, and lots of bottoms as well, I think a few ideal tops would realy help me be able to pull things together.  I really struggle with tops though...especially with those for warmer weather.  Since I am an apple, things often do not look right around my midsection.  One thing I have learned from here is to size up on bottoms to avoid any chance of muffin top (something I am VERY prone to).  So that situation is getting better. I just need to do the work to try to find the right tops. @ Deborah: I love, love, love your style.  I also am much happier working mostly with a limited palette of neutrals (another thing I've figured out from YLF).  I've gotten pretty good at using those blinkers to look past things that just arent me...although that is a work in progress!  ;-)    lyn67 on "Elusive happiness factor (sorry - long)" https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/elusive-happiness-factor-sorry---long/page/2#post-1344409 Mon, 01 Sep 2014 10:16:28 +0000 lyn67 1344409@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ From me, it's generally speaking  ditto what MsMary said(but not all the colors under the sun, only a few:-)). Oh, and welcome to YLF!:-) Deborah on "Elusive happiness factor (sorry - long)" https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/elusive-happiness-factor-sorry---long/page/2#post-1344400 Mon, 01 Sep 2014 08:43:50 +0000 Deborah 1344400@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ Tierra, awesome thread and you have received some great advice. I echo everything the other Fabbers have said. I am now in a place where I am very happy with my whole wardrobe. I have a couple of things that I will probably move on soon but I have given myself permission to hang on to a few things and allow myself time to process if they need to go:(. One of the things I have found most helpful is recognizing what I like and what makes me feel like me:). You seem to have worked that out already. It's easy to be influenced by all the wonderful clothing and styles and colours that are around but i had to put imaginary blinkers on:). I browse labels that make styles that are me and I read blogs of woman who share a similar aesthetic. I stick to a pretty similar silhouette and I have a colour palette of black, grey and white. I find this liberating and getting dressed for any occasion is easy peasy (most days). Sal on "Elusive happiness factor (sorry - long)" https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/elusive-happiness-factor-sorry---long/page/2#post-1344335 Mon, 01 Sep 2014 04:34:17 +0000 Sal 1344335@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ One thing I have done since starting with YLF is to look at the items that I love but don't wear enough (not because of lifestyle, but more because of lack of options), and try to add an item that will allow me to wear them more. In my case I have added: - a draped black tee with a sheer back, works with all my jeans, blazers, a kimono (that I needed and wanted to wear), a pencil skirt, a maxi skirt.  It was expensive for a tee, but I love it and it is so versatile and flattering.  It has provided glue. - a crayon pink blazer, looks awesome with jeans, black, white, grey.  It brings to life at least two tops that I loved but needed a topper for in spring and autumn.   - a cream structured tee.  A simple classic tunic tee that has lifted several basic pieces because of its modern shape and style.   With these three additions my basics and "special" items have had a new lease of life. You may have a couple of simple additions that would provide the glue to allow you to wear some of your pieces that are not working.  MsMary on "Elusive happiness factor (sorry - long)" https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/elusive-happiness-factor-sorry---long/page/2#post-1344313 Mon, 01 Sep 2014 03:36:27 +0000 MsMary 1344313@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ This is such an interesting thread! I've been at YLF for about three years and I can say I do love my closet!  But it took a long time, a lot of shopping, and a whole lot of mistakes to get here. One of the things that really helps me is having a "uniform" for work.  I have pencil skirts, blazers, and high heeled pumps in pretty much every color under the sun, and I wear some variation on that theme (sometimes with pants or a dress instead of a skirt) to work pretty much every day.  I feel like I have plenty of variety, but the formula is always the same and that makes it really easy. Tierra on "Elusive happiness factor (sorry - long)" https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/elusive-happiness-factor-sorry---long#post-1344016 Sun, 31 Aug 2014 20:14:31 +0000 Tierra 1344016@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ So glad this converstion is continuing!  Thanks --- it is SO helpful.  I am learning a lot and really have a lot to think about. @Rambling Ann:  Great ideas --- but, I have lots of shoes.  LOTS.  Probably waaay too many.  I tend toward animal print and buckles & straps.  Unfortunately, I have fussy feet and have a lot of "not all day shoes".  These are more fantasy life items (i.e. dressier shoes, heels) since I dont actually have much occasion to dress up.  Even smart casual is usually too much.  I also walk a lot so I tend to default to that smaller (but still large) section of my footware collection that is a more walkable/all day type.  My problem is not shoes, actually, its clothes.  I'd bet I could find a shoe to work with almost any outfit from my existing collection, lol!  What is elusive to me is trying to find clothing that expresses what I want to express (slightly edgy, casual, cool).  Part of the issue is my size/shape.  Le sigh. @Gigi: "Sometimes it's not about "discovering" your style but is about *developing* a style, which comes only from experience and trying new things" --- I hadnt thought about it that way but you are RIGHT!  I am still in the development stage, for sure. @Liz: "can't buy on the fly and then hope that magically it all turns into a workable wardrobe" --- oh, that is SO ME.  I am just figuring out this as well.  It sure would be nice if it worked that way tho!  ;-) @Traci: Your comments are such a revelation!  I totally agree about "only buying what makes you happy" NOT resonating.  It doesnt to me either...and I think that is a large part of my problem.  I used to buy what caught my eye and made me happy in that moment, even if I couldnt make outfits with said item...or if said item was just for a fantasy life...or if said item really wasnt my style after all.  What I actually need are more basics  --- but the RIGHT basics.  For me, personally, that one great white or black top, even if it is a tee, is infinitely more wearable and important to my wardrobe.  And I also totally agree that one must try, try and try again.  A lot of more upscale retailers cut too slender through the midsection for apply ol' me.  Old Navy mid rise rockstars fit me better than a lot of my more expensive jeans (even if I have to size up, ugh), and I also just found some jeans at Target on major sale that I think are gonna work out great. Traci on "Elusive happiness factor (sorry - long)" https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/elusive-happiness-factor-sorry---long#post-1343789 Sun, 31 Aug 2014 12:20:35 +0000 Traci 1343789@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ Thanks for starting this topic, reading the varied responses is great!   It makes me realize how much of this is about balance.  The comments about only buying what makes you happy do not resonate with me.   For years I only bought that which made me happy in the store, and that left me with a wardrobe that didn't work in the day to day.  In store, or online, I love love love patterns.  I had to face the facts that I don't love them on me and they go seldom worn.  Now I've learned that I only really like to wear a couple of patterns, stripes, dots, checks and a bit of leopard spots here or there...all in very neutral colors. Colorful shoes are another one.  I love the look and idea of a pair of colorful shoes.  I thought they were the antidote to black footwear blahs.  But I don't really wear them.  I'm currently ogling a pair of blue snake skin oxfords and a pair of bright purple mary janes, but I know I won't really wear them often at all, so I won't buy them.  Instead, I bought a very sensible pair of black Dansko heels because my simple black Danskos are dying from being worn so much in the winter over the last few years.  I don't love them, but I love the way they finish a dress outfit with thick black tights.  In the summer it is nude or pewter sandals.  Alone they don't make my heart sing, but I feel so much better in them in an outfit. I also learned how to build colors that worked together.  First I thought it had to be one palette of a few colors, or all black with pops of color.  Finally, I chose a movie that I loved the colors in, and I found that if I stay within the colors that work in that movie, I'm golden.  It gives me much greater range, but everything works. Another huge thing I've learned is to trust Angie.  Her picks often end up becoming my favorites, but I don't always love them on first go.  I have to push myself just a little and then I settle into fast friendship with her picks.  Again, it's not about love at first sight, but about falling in love and staying there. It sounds like we have a similar build.  For that, I'd suggest the painstaking job of trying on things from all sorts of ranges.  This is going to take a ton of trial and error, but once you're done you'll know what designers, departments or stores fit you best.  You will also start to learn from the online image or the way something hangs on the hanger if it is likely to work for you.  This is one of the areas that has kept me coming back to some of the fast fashion retailers.  I was all on board with going quality over quantity, but sometimes those nicer pants just don't fit as nicely as my old Target standys.  I find both Target and Old Navy tend to cut with a more generous midsection than other retailers.  Eileen Fisher is my new, higher end godsend. Liz on "Elusive happiness factor (sorry - long)" https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/elusive-happiness-factor-sorry---long#post-1343788 Sun, 31 Aug 2014 12:19:16 +0000 Liz 1343788@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ I am only gradually learning that if I want a closet that works for me, I have to put some work into it. I can't buy on the fly and then hope that magically it all turns into a workable wardrobe. I can't believe it took me so long to learn that! I now know that a wardrobe has to have some thought and design put into it for it to work, whether it comes from Target and Old Navy or Nordstroms and Bloomingdales. I'm not spending more money on clothes now than I used to, but I am spending a whole lot more thought on my purchases. That has driven the happiness factor way up. Gigi on "Elusive happiness factor (sorry - long)" https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/elusive-happiness-factor-sorry---long#post-1343703 Sun, 31 Aug 2014 04:26:54 +0000 Gigi 1343703@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ OK, I'll admit that I haven't read all the responses first, so I may repeat things other people have said. First of all, I have been doing YLF for a year and a half and maybe love half my closet. Part of my problem is that I am still learning about what I like and don't like, so my style attractions change. So be aware that as you start pinpointing what you like and start buying those things, it is possible that you yourself will change and go in a bit of a different style direction. Sometimes it's not about "discovering" your style but is about *developing* a style, which comes only from experience and trying new things. I hope I didn't make that sound too confusing. If you're happy with fast fashion, go for it! I would have done that too if I could have, but I need special sizes that many fast-fashion places don't have. But when you're just starting out, that is a great way not to get too much money wrapped up in clothing that might not turn out to make you happy down the road, if your style changes. My main advice for you: Don't buy anything unless you are super-happy with it! This was an amazing breakthrough for me. I had always bought clothes simply based on whether the fit was OK and whether the style looked OK on me. But to have actual *feelings* of happiness at the style or color of a particular item was a new experience for me. So I would give yourself permission to go slow when buying. Yes, try on lots of stuff, but don't buy anything that doesn't give you a "heart" response, if you know what I mean. If you are in the fitting room hemming and hawing over whether the item works or is making you happy, chances are it probably isn't and should be left behind. Shiny brings up a interesting point about shopping for a fantasy life. I am a bit in her camp: I think everyone should have at least a few pieces for their fantasy life. It makes us happy and opens up new horizons for us style-wise and personality-wise. You just don't want to get so many pieces that you can't wear them all or that they start cluttering up your closet. You can wear your fantasy items on basic errands: running to the store, going to the post office, going out to lunch with a friend. It's like playing dress-up. Rambling Ann on "Elusive happiness factor (sorry - long)" https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/elusive-happiness-factor-sorry---long#post-1343676 Sun, 31 Aug 2014 03:37:20 +0000 Rambling Ann 1343676@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ If edgy, different or cool make you feel like your clothes reflect you, then yeah, those are great words to do your cull with. I don't think every item need be that, but can it work to make an edgy outfit with what you've got or are planning to buy?  Echoing what others said, I'd start with the feet. You'll probably end up with the least amount of shoes (compared to tops and bottoms), and you got to wear them with your other stuff. What are your edgy shoes? Many paths up that mountain-Doc Martins to 5" stilettos. Probably not stilettos for your lifestyle, but still. Tooled leather oxfords? Wild colors in otherwise plain flats? Straps and buckles?  Shoes settled usually narrows down the rest of my choices to something manageable.  shiny on "Elusive happiness factor (sorry - long)" https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/elusive-happiness-factor-sorry---long#post-1343644 Sun, 31 Aug 2014 02:40:16 +0000 shiny 1343644@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ I think I am the only one here who is a proponent of shopping for the fantasy life. I believe that dressing for the life we want magically attracts it to us. Perhaps it's not magic so much as setting an intention and then living up to that intention -- because you can't use "I have nothing to wear" as your excuse when opportunity should appear.  I've seen this happen over and over again in my own life. I also WFH, and for example when DH gets home from his office to take me out, if I'm all dressed up, he's more apt to suggest taking me to the fancy restaurant and out to the theater. Whereas if I'm in boyfriend jeans and a tee, he'll suggest a walk to the local pub or a movie. Likewise if I'm traveling on business dressed for business, I'm way more likely to get into interesting conversations in the airport/on the plane, and wind up exchanging cards with promises to network.  Come to think of it I should probably invest in an upgrade of my exercise gear so I will propel myself to get back into exercise. ;-) Otherwise you've received wonderful advice here and the only other thought I can possibly add is to take pictures and post them here. The forum will help you sort out what to save and what to cull, what works, and why.  And yes, there was a time when I did reach the elusive happiness stage with my wardrobe-- thanks to YLF. I stopped posting for a long while because I was "set." I returned after life changed -- I got a new job requiring lots of travel, I am hitting menopause so the body is changing, kids are in college, etc, etc. Not to mention trends have changed. I consider myself modern classic more than anything else, but even when modern classic one still needs a trend "tune-up" every few years to ensure one is still modern! In other words... it is a never-ending process.... though you do get more and more confident and able to discern what works/doesn't work. Classically Casual on "Elusive happiness factor (sorry - long)" https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/elusive-happiness-factor-sorry---long#post-1343617 Sun, 31 Aug 2014 01:47:47 +0000 Classically Casual 1343617@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ LOL, everyone here struggles with finding clothes that fit.  It's the nature of the beast it seems.  I concur with doing a big closet overhaul, and then keeping at it.  You'll find as you get practice doing this, that the "what ifs" disappear.  I think of it as my brain not wanting me to do something different. Instead try to be patient and persistent and replace one habit with a new and improved habit. Can you think of an aspect of dressing/shopping that you enjoy?  Maybe you love wool sweaters as the weather gets colder, or texture or color or you collect bracelets, or, or?  Weave some of that into the parts that aren't as fun, like shopping for underwear, to keep engaged. And as Firecracker and others have said, don't underestimate the power of shoes.  I make a game out of trying to score bargains on wonderful shoes out of season when they're on deep discount. Have fun, and let us all know how it goes... Tierra on "Elusive happiness factor (sorry - long)" https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/elusive-happiness-factor-sorry---long#post-1343612 Sun, 31 Aug 2014 01:38:43 +0000 Tierra 1343612@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ Me again...sorry to double post.  I finally got all of these typed out!  I have to run for a bit, but I will check back in later.  I *finally* have some down time this long weekend and I am using it to try to get a leg up on my style journey!  THANK YOU all again for the help and let's keep this conversation going!  :-) @Laurinda: I love your thoughts on figuring out WHY I might love something.  Simple to say, but not so simple to do!  Sometimes I just can’t put my finger on it.  I also love your physical line up of items idea.  And I did not know about the BLOG/CATEGORIES method to search!  @CocoLion: YES – assessing actual needs for my lifestyle and daily activities is something I am trying to do now.  I have been reading your posts with great interest, and I LOVE your style!  It is similar to my own…or at least what I aspire to!  That being said, I so often fall into the fantasy life trap.  Still!  @purple8: Oh, the problem of the too sheer shirt.  UGH - I know.  Even worse when it shows your apply tummy thru the shirt.  Yuck!  I actually don’t mind camis (when it is not too hot, at least), and have quite a few different types, but still, sometimes you just want a shirt you can wear with NO supporting acts needed!  I will say I bought some Halftees and Second Base demi camis recently and I really like them, although they only solve the problem some of the time.  @Mo: I also read your posts with interest!  Although we are drastically different body types, I love your casual style.  And “Liking something and actually wearing it are not the same thing!” --- I could not agree with this more!  :-)  @unfrumped: Proportion and silhouette –Yes, I need to pay more attention to this.  I actually think getting this right may be the key to whether I like something, or don’t.  But I really struggle with what is good proportion and silhouette for me.  For whatever reason, it is hard for me to look at an outfit and think…”this would be good if the top was longer/shorter” or the like.  Oooh, and the dreaded sales goggles!  That was a huge part of my problem too.  But I am getting better at this.  I return a LOT of stuff now.  @RamblingAnn<a rel="nofollow" href="http://youlookfab.com/member/anntorrence/"></a>: Different adjectives…hmmm.  I don’t look for fun in my wardrobe at all, that is not my thing, but maybe the adjective I need is edgy, or different, or cool.  That probably sounds ridiculous for a woman my age, but I think you are on to something for sure.  I need to figure out what is lacking.  @Firecracker: Counting and inventory does indeed sound daunting.  And I *am* a numbers person!  But, I don’t even usually have time to try outfits in advance…so you can bet that I am not counting up my wardrobe either!  Ha!   And, as for shoes, I love shoes and have lots.  Actually a default of mine on those occasions I need to dress a little smarter is add cool shoes!  Because I am mainly casual though, I’ve embraced the sporty (luxe?) trend and have four pair of slip on sneaks.  I do have fussy feet, and walk a lot, so I have to keep that in mind for everyday life.  My main issue, I think, is tops.  @clearlyclaire:  Oh man, you are right on with this…”when the very specific occasion that I was saving said items for rolled around and I still did not want to wear them”.  This has happened to me for sure, but I still kept the item!  I guess I thought “maybe the NEXT time?!?”  I need to be more ruthless, lol.   Tierra on "Elusive happiness factor (sorry - long)" https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/elusive-happiness-factor-sorry---long#post-1343596 Sun, 31 Aug 2014 00:44:12 +0000 Tierra 1343596@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ Thank you so much Angie!  Words of wisdom from a true pro. I already started a small holding zone a few weeks back and will be adding to it.  But I almost forgot that I did so...probably a good indication that those items should be outta here!  Of course some are off season, so maybe I should wait on those to see. The separate rack is a brilliant idea too...and I love that you said "much of what is left needs to be passed on".  That is most assuredly true...and I need to just get over my fear of WHAT IFS! I also have this weird thing about repeating outfits.  I dont tend to do it much, and that is just plain silly, especially considering my lifestyle. I am working on responses to many of you, but I wanted to put these two in now... @lisap: Wow, we do lead similar lives!  And I am SO GUILTY of the whole “buying a new wardrobe” for each work trip.  I am trying to do better, I actually went on a work trip in July and I didn’t buy anything new beforehand.  That was a first!  Oh man do I hear you on … “Tons to wear but all stand-alone pieces that I must have been asleep or on drugs when I purchased them”!!!  I cannot tell you how many times I have gotten something out of the closet and said – “what the WHAT was I thinking?!?” @crackers: A soul sister!  Amazing!  Hugs!  :-)  And yes, this is a frustrating process. So, I know what I like, but getting things that look like I want them to look ON ME is the challenge.  Would be much easier with a different figure, but you gotta work with what you got.  I cant tell you guys how many pieces I've tried because they looked like the right thing...only to have it be a total flop in actuality.  Boy, those online images can be deceiving!  And even those dressing room mirrors!  (are they evil, or what?)  One thing I need to work on for sure is figuring out how to get the look I want to happen on THIS BODY! Thanks again and more soon!  Loving this discussion! Angie on "Elusive happiness factor (sorry - long)" https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/elusive-happiness-factor-sorry---long#post-1343583 Sun, 31 Aug 2014 00:23:11 +0000 Angie 1343583@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ Welcome from me too, Tierra. Lots of great thoughts here, and I'm glad you're finding them helpful.  It sounds like the cull needs to be more drastic. Creating a holding zone for "what ifs" is a good strategy.  <a rel="nofollow" href="http://youlookfab.com/2010/07/29/the-power-of-the-hidden-holding-zone/">http://youlookfab.com/2010/07/.....ding-zone/</a> You like Arty Drape. Good stuff. There is lots of inspiration for that style persona on this forum.  May I suggest hauling out your most loved items and popping them onto a Rack for a month. Dress from that Rack only. THAT will give you a much better indication of what you love - and how much of what is left needs to be passed on.  claire on "Elusive happiness factor (sorry - long)" https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/elusive-happiness-factor-sorry---long#post-1343552 Sun, 31 Aug 2014 00:04:07 +0000 claire 1343552@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ Tierra, we are soul sisters, or leading parallel lives or something. I totally relate to everything you're saying, right down to having very similar styles and feeling like a stuffed turkey in anything with structure that looks so easy on others. I'm sorry have no words of wisdom for you as I'm totally first frustrated with my own fashion journey right now, but I'm just going to follow along and learn from you! You already have a lot of good insight into your own style, that's a good start right there. Caro in Oz on "Elusive happiness factor (sorry - long)" https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/elusive-happiness-factor-sorry---long#post-1343547 Sun, 31 Aug 2014 00:00:20 +0000 Caro in Oz 1343547@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ Welcome!! Pre YLF I couldn't get my summer wardrobe to work - I'm a pants, booties & jacket person & it is way to hot to layer clothing here in summer. I'm just coming into my second summer with YLF & I am very happy with my warm weather wardrobe now. I'm an eclectic so narrowing down some styles was important to me because I want to wear all my clothes not just have them taking up space in my wardrobe. The things that helped me the most were:  Angie's 5 adjectives: <a rel="nofollow" href="http://youlookfab.com/2011/06/27/five-adjectives-to-define-your-style/">http://youlookfab.com/2011/06/.....our-style/</a> or this if the above is too hard: <a rel="nofollow" href="http://youlookfab.com/2011/06/27/five-adjectives-to-define-your-style/">http://youlookfab.com/2011/06/.....our-style/</a> The other key imo is numbers. Even if you aren't a numbers person imo it is really important to know what you are wearing - for most people it is a bit of a shock to say the least :)  Mo's post about numbers here: <a rel="nofollow" href="http://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/how-much-is-enough-playing-with-numbers">http://youlookfab.com/welookfa.....th-numbers</a> One other important thing is Angie's only fashion rule & that is:  to have fun with fashion :) Anonymous on "Elusive happiness factor (sorry - long)" https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/elusive-happiness-factor-sorry---long#post-1343539 Sat, 30 Aug 2014 23:53:08 +0000 Anonymous 1343539@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ Okay Tierra, it sounds like you know exactly what you like, and from how you describe your body type, it's probably perfect for your figure. That's a great place to start. No need to try to make a crisp man-tailored shirt work for you or white jeans (unless you really, really love them and want to find a way to wear them). That's a great place to be! I finally was able to let go of the what ifs when the very specific occasion that I was saving said items for rolled around and I still did not want to wear them. That's when the writing was on the wall. If a certain cardigan doesn't work with any tops you love, analyze why you still like it (soft fabric, gorgeous color) and why you don't (wrong neckline, too short) and then you can better decide whether or not to keep it. For me, buying clothes for my clothes has always proven to be unprofitable. Usually clothes end up being orphaned for a reason. If a few attempts to make them work are unsuccessful, you might be better off searching for something new in that same color or texture that attracted you to it in the first place. If you have time and it's not too overwhelming, it might be worth it to jot down some of the reasons you're culling your items. You might see a pattern start to develop, and it can help you avoid future shopping mistakes.  Tierra on "Elusive happiness factor (sorry - long)" https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/elusive-happiness-factor-sorry---long#post-1343519 Sat, 30 Aug 2014 23:15:15 +0000 Tierra 1343519@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ Wow - THANK YOU for all of the thoughtful replies!  So very helpful!  I love hearing about your style journeys (and struggles!).  Even if I dont respond to each of you, I really appreciate what every one of you had to say.  I plan to get back with another response to address some of your thoughts indvidually, but first I wanted to throw this out there. I am starting to cull; I just did a huge purge a couple of weeks ago.  Got rid of things I hadnt worn in ages.  My closet is still very full, but less stuffed. I struggle mightily with "what if" though.  As in - what if I want/need this later?  Will I want this cardi to go with a new top?  Also with seasonal needs (i.e. would I want to wear this top layered when the weather cools?).  How do you get around the WHAT IFS?  Three things I have realized for sure, with the help of YLF: 1. I LOVE SOLIDS.  I have some stripes, and then just a very few patterns.   I think maybe I am a bit minimal in this regard.  I'd rather (maybe) add interest with a necklace or scarf (although I struggle with scarves since I am rather well endowed and sometimes it just feels like ALGO in that area when I add a scarf, y'know?  ;-)  Of course, if we are talking a topper, then maybe a pattern comes into play.  I also prefer neutrals, although I love them all.  Black, grey, white, and various shades of white/offwhite/beige and brown.  Dark bottoms for me though, almost exclusively, except for some lighter wash jeans.  I have tried and tried with white denim.  On me, YUCK! 2. I detest traditional collars on me.  This makes workwear a little tricky, and sometimes I have to just deal (i.e. blazers), but I try to do collarless if at all possible.  As for everyday wear, I got rid of all but two collared shirts.  Those may have to go too. 3. I do NOT like structure.  I dont mena things like rolled jeans or scrunched sleeves, that I do all the time.  But I dont like the more architectural structure that looks so good on Angie and others (Suz).  I feel like a stuffed silly turkey in things like this!  I like easy drape and things like distressed denim. I include the attached photo only to illustrate what I gravitate towards.  I LOVE this look.  Of course, a plastic bag would look good on this gal (I believe the photo is from Victorias Secret) - lol.   More soon. Firecracker (Sharan) on "Elusive happiness factor (sorry - long)" https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/elusive-happiness-factor-sorry---long#post-1343442 Sat, 30 Aug 2014 20:47:46 +0000 Firecracker (Sharan) 1343442@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ Welcome, Tierra! I'm glad you raised these questions. My happiness with my wardrobe has improved since I joined YLF, but I still do have a lot of clothes that barely get worn. I find it helps to cull every so often, going through and seeing what I really, really do not want to wear and giving it away to some charity or other (whatever's easiest, to be frank--there's a group that came recently and picked up the items from our doorstep!). Anyway, that's an easy starting point without feeling like you have to do all the planning right away. You could start by just going through one category, or one drawer even! It feels good. Personally I haven't gotten to the counting or inventory stage--I'm soooo not a numbers person!  My second piece of advice is to think about shoes as a starting point for upping the daily style quotient. Like you, I came to YLF with the idea that I didn't have much occasion to really dress up. (I still don't, though I'm working at a job now that allows me to wear something other than head-to-toe black!) I wore jeans, a tee shirt, a cardigan, and clogs every day. Nothing wrong with it, but it was a little boring to me, and I wanted to be a little more chic. I started to change my style a little bit by choosing some more current, slightly more refined shoes and replacing my tried-and-true cardigans with newer style ones. I first started wearing some little heeled booties with my bootcut jeans and cords. They were practically hidden, so I didn't feel like this style shift was too "out there." But it made me happy to have on a little heeled boot. It changed the way I walked--I could still walk for blocks, but I felt different, like a more stylish person. Is that odd? Just one little change like that could lift my mood about my own style! I look forward to hearing more from you! Rambling Ann on "Elusive happiness factor (sorry - long)" https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/elusive-happiness-factor-sorry---long#post-1343427 Sat, 30 Aug 2014 20:30:47 +0000 Rambling Ann 1343427@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ Tierra I'm going to throw another adjective in the discussion: fun. How many of your clothes have a fun factor? It was sorely lacking in my closet but the things I liked best had a detail that added that zip for me. A bit of beading on a plain t-shirt ($6 at TJMaxx), an extra zipper or pocket, a shocking acid green denim jacket. It doesn't take much. My shoe wardrobe since YLF is getting really fun and I've only added 5 pairs of shoes in a year and I'm hard pressed to justify any more for a while. I'm pretty conservative with a buck and I guess I thought I should stick with stye simplest garments so they would "go with everything" but then they went with nothing because they were boring. That's cheap but not frugal if I don't wear what I buy. The other thing I did was write out and analyze 10 outfits from memory that really made me happy. What was it I liked that's missing from my closet. Now ISO of longer jackets as a result, and not ruling out an epaulette either. Spending so much time at home shouldn't mean your closet doesn't make you smile. You're paying good money, it should do more than simply keep you warm and from breaking the indecency laws.  Anonymous on "Elusive happiness factor (sorry - long)" https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/elusive-happiness-factor-sorry---long#post-1343391 Sat, 30 Aug 2014 19:48:26 +0000 Anonymous 1343391@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ Hey there Tierra! I've been on a quest for quality over quantity for a few years now, and over all, I'm pretty happy with my wardrobe. Well, my F/W wardrobe anyway. Since Summer is my dominant season, and Summer clothes are often flimsier and more, well, disposable, I've pretty much come to the conclusion that I'll have a replace a large portion of my Summer wardrobe each year. Part of that is because I'm only doing ten core items each season. (I used to have many more clothes, but kept wearing the same favorites anyway, so I figured, what's the difference? --and got rid of all the junk I wasn't wearing). I actually have more "wearable" things in my closet now than when I had 100+ items of clothing. My clothing is very useful, and suits my body, style, climate and lifestyle. Does it make me happy? Sometimes, and sometimes not. But then I'm not sure producing happiness is the purpose of clothing. So I try not to put too much pressure on it. Emily on "Elusive happiness factor (sorry - long)" https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/elusive-happiness-factor-sorry---long#post-1343389 Sat, 30 Aug 2014 19:43:49 +0000 Emily 1343389@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ I am not 100% happy with my closet, but close. I started on YLF with a closet stuffed with cheap stuff I'd impulsively bought on sale. I started 2.5 years ago by doing a big purge. From memory, I listed all the things in my closet that I liked and wore. Since that turned out to be more than enough things I donated everything that wasn't on the list. The bags filled the back seat of my car. Then I started thinking about why I liked the things I liked and filling gaps carefully with things I love and will wear. kellygirl on "Elusive happiness factor (sorry - long)" https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/elusive-happiness-factor-sorry---long#post-1343388 Sat, 30 Aug 2014 19:42:59 +0000 kellygirl 1343388@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ I can sympathize with where you are at. I was there a few years ago myself. I agree with those who said to do some editing to see what you like and feel good in. Also think about what is realistic for your lifestyle. That was a big issue for me. I saw all of the great WIWs here and wanted to copy except that my closet needs to be largely wash and wear and kept to a low-mid level price point. I think it's smart to come up with a few uniforms to try out but wouldn't duplicate until you have worn them a bit to see if you really like and want to wear them. It's taken me awhile but I really love my closet these days and I don't "save" the good stuff nearly as much. Anonymous on "Elusive happiness factor (sorry - long)" https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/elusive-happiness-factor-sorry---long#post-1343385 Sat, 30 Aug 2014 19:40:58 +0000 Anonymous 1343385@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ I'm reading your post to learn from the replies too.  Same work situation, down to the several meetings a year that I almost end up buying a new wardrobe for each time, which is ridiculous.  Same stuffed closet and no happiness factor.  Tons to wear but all stand-alone pieces that I must have been asleep or on drugs when I purchased them (kidding). Nothing goes with anything - and I have never mastered the mix and match concept. Gee, doesn't sound  like I've progressed much beyond the toddler stage in getting dressed .  I don't have fit issues, so at least I can buy easily, but somehow that has not helped one iota. Looking forward to reading more about your own process Tierra, and learning how to do it myself :) unfrumped on "Elusive happiness factor (sorry - long)" https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/elusive-happiness-factor-sorry---long#post-1343384 Sat, 30 Aug 2014 19:35:10 +0000 unfrumped 1343384@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ I learned that I needed to pay attention to proportion and silhouette the very most. So that did mean , for me, several " looks" that I can count on. When I forget that, stuff gets random and doesn't make good outfits. Also it drives the supporting players- random shoes don't always work; I've learned what works with what. Quality v. Quantity is a spectrum. I think it mostly means watch out go sales goggles. Look for what you want and prioritize. Recognize" good enough" quality for your needs and budget. Recognize stuff that will shrink or fall apart , because that's just a waste. But good items appear in a variety of stores. Wheat from chaff and all that. Do t buy 5 shirts you don't really like at $ 20 each , and then feel irked when you wear them, if you love 2 $ 50 ones. But if the $20 shirts are just what you need, don't feel any snob pressure to buy something more expensive. That's true for cars and food and everything. Being realistic is good- we can get too gushy over the perfect wardrobe but hey, it's only clothes. What, in life, is perfect? Have fun. Louise on "Elusive happiness factor (sorry - long)" https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/elusive-happiness-factor-sorry---long#post-1343365 Sat, 30 Aug 2014 19:06:21 +0000 Louise 1343365@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ Over time I've replaced/ing my wardrobe with only things I like/ love so whatever I wear I'm happy with even my workout clothes and lounge wear. Capsules might work well for you? I also don't like to wear my work clothes for casual and vice versa I don't know why? I have fewer clothes than I ever have before but am much happier because all of the outfits I wear I'm happy with. In terms of working from home could you develop an loungewear/ working from home capsule? X Mo on "Elusive happiness factor (sorry - long)" https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/elusive-happiness-factor-sorry---long#post-1343364 Sat, 30 Aug 2014 19:05:57 +0000 Mo 1343364@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ Oh, and as for duplication or sticking with one silhouette, I am trying to keep myself in check with only up to 3 variations on a theme when trying something out.  A light neutral, dark neutral, and color or pattern.  I test drive it and see if I truly am wearing whichever trend before going all in for the season.  Nothing worse than getting a closet stuffed with 10 versions of _____ only to find you don't like ______ and now have to chuck it all and start over.   Dipping your toe in first can head off trouble down the road.   Mo on "Elusive happiness factor (sorry - long)" https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/elusive-happiness-factor-sorry---long#post-1343360 Sat, 30 Aug 2014 19:01:13 +0000 Mo 1343360@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ I'd say I love half of my closet and really like another quarter of it, then I struggle with keep/purge decisions with the other quarter of it!   I am trying to lean more toward quality over quantity, but I also have no issue with a large portion of my clothing being Target/Old Navy/Express type range.  Some of the lower end stuff is still decently made if you choose well.  I have only a handful of expensive things and still treat them a bit more delicately and do tend to 'save' them more than a should.  I know better, but change doesn't happen overnight.   Buying for the lifestyle you lead is the biggest and most important change anyone can make IMHO.  Simple things like flats if you walk everywhere or certain fibers if you deal with humid weather, etc.  No dry clean only if you have dogs in your lap or kids' greasy hands on your hips.  Along with that idea is getting real when it comes to the closet edit.  Liking something and actually wearing it are not the same thing!  Doesn't do us a lot of good hanging there.  ;)   purple8 on "Elusive happiness factor (sorry - long)" https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/elusive-happiness-factor-sorry---long#post-1343356 Sat, 30 Aug 2014 18:53:35 +0000 purple8 1343356@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ I have very, very few items of clothing ( to the point it's embarrassing) and of those, I only really like 3 things (ripped skinny jeans, plaid jeans, grey ponte ankle pants). So I feel your pain. Shopping takes tons of time, my husband travels constantly, and I work full time. My kids are too evil for a mall. My SIL recommended stitchfix as a solution, but everything they sent me looked twee and tacky. Sometimes I buy a desperation shirt at target but it always disintegrates after a few weeks so I've vowed to stop that. I can buy jeans and shoes online, but my body is too oddly shaped to buy skirts, tops, or dresses online. IMHO, part of the problem is that clothes are now designed to be difficult. Everything requires a frigging undershirt and usually a topper. Then, most of the undershirts are either way too long or they only have spaghetti straps, so they don't cover your bra under a sheer shirt. Or they are the wrong fabric or texture to wear under business clothing. I bought a pretty blue blouse at Nordstrom on lunch the other day, and even the sales associate couldn't find anything decent to layer under it. She tried so hard, though, that I felt compelled to buy it anyway. Sorry for the long rant, but I, too, am envious of people who love what's in their closet!