https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/dressing-well-insecure Style Advice for Fashion Lovers en-US Sat, 25 Apr 2026 15:16:00 +0000 http://bbpress.org/?v=1.0.2 q https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/search.php https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/dressing-well-insecure/page/2#post-475838 Mon, 28 Nov 2011 15:20:01 +0000 rae 475838@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ <p>Good luck with the coffee talk, Lyn! It did not occur to me that the nurses might think you are "in" on the trash talking - in that case, I totally retract my advice to ignore her. I think you're doing the professional, classy thing here. Fingers crossed that it goes down well. </p> https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/dressing-well-insecure/page/2#post-475807 Mon, 28 Nov 2011 14:26:04 +0000 Anonymous 475807@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ <p>Oh , but you dress perfectly, and this is just envy. As for me, I don't enter a dentist's office if the waiting room is ugly/ill decorated/ uncared for. Also if the doctor wears himself/herself sloppy I think that he's lazy - ergo don't want him to take care of me or if the "leggings as pants look" - he/she is of questionable character - don't want that either.<br /> On a more personal note, I remember when I was 10 and had an appendicitis surgery the hand of the young nurse who held my hand during the process. ( I had local anesthesia so I remember) . She had a cluster of thin silver bracelets . She looked confident and pretty. I wanted her to check up on me later. I reacted well to pretty, as we all do. </p> https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/dressing-well-insecure/page/2#post-475319 Sun, 27 Nov 2011 19:53:33 +0000 Isabel 475319@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ <p>You are insecure for being professional ? I always like my surgeons to show up with oily hair and dirt under the nails and body odor. That makes me feel that they care. </p> <p>SHE obviously feels intimidated and needs to put you down. The answer next time is , " I am going to take that as a compliment. I want my patients to know that I care about how I present myself to them. So I am glad you notice that I come across as professional. With that said, I am concerned about the inappropriateness of you leggings and short sweaters....." </p> https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/dressing-well-insecure/page/2#post-475275 Sun, 27 Nov 2011 19:09:52 +0000 Aziraphale 475275@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ <p>I have nothing more to add -- just to reiterate that this clerk is a twit and also kind of a bitch. Why would a person say something like that? It's rude, unkind, and accomplishes nothing. The only thing I can think of is that perhaps she said it to make herself feel superior. How grade six. </p> https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/dressing-well-insecure/page/2#post-475271 Sun, 27 Nov 2011 19:06:09 +0000 CocoLion 475271@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ <p>Hmmm... she is a bully, and she likes to stir things up. Obviously she considers you a girlfriend not a boss and this is how she treats her girlfriends. She needs to put them down, it's the MO of an aggressive person.</p> <p>I had a friend who enjoyed spreading gossip about people. I was getting sick of it. So when she called me and said, "guess what I heard?" I replied: "at whose expense is this going to be?" That stopped her in her tracks and made her think. </p> https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/dressing-well-insecure/page/2#post-475264 Sun, 27 Nov 2011 18:46:41 +0000 Makrame 475264@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ <p>What I find so strange about this comment, is that I have always observed that doctors, residents, and medical students seem to dress quite well. I sort of consider it to be part of the "job-related expectations" - not that I would personally think less of a physician who is not well-dressed but it looks like most doctors I see, particularly women, look pulled-together and dressed in well-fitting, good quality clothes. I always assumed that was part of the "culture" of the medical profession, although I can see how the expectations might be different during training or residency, with very little free time or money. But even then, most of our residents seem to dress in a nice, professional manner. </p> https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/dressing-well-insecure/page/2#post-475227 Sun, 27 Nov 2011 17:01:21 +0000 Patty 475227@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ <p>I've been wondering if this is a bit of Alpha dog bravado this junior clerk is up to. It's pretty sick if she's deliberately trying to throw you and others off. I am of the "let her have enuff rope she'll hang herself" persuasion---I think it's real nice and professional of you to set her straight--or hang her ;+P. </p> https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/dressing-well-insecure/page/2#post-475149 Sun, 27 Nov 2011 15:13:22 +0000 cheryle (Dianthus) 475149@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ <p>I have been thinking about this a bit more. I have noticed in the time I have been interested in fashion that a significant number of women who share that interest have careers that are stressful and critical to society (I include SAHMs in this as they are raising the next generation and that is vital). I see the art of fashion as a means of alleviating that stress by playing with color and proportion and sharing ideas with like minded individuals. Although the impression is that fashion is frivolous and for those who have nothing more important to do with their time, I see it as the opposite. It is an opportunity to step back and focus on something that challenges in a different way so that we can focus on our primary roles. </p> https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/dressing-well-insecure/page/2#post-475104 Sun, 27 Nov 2011 14:10:49 +0000 Anonymous 475104@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ <p>Wow. I can't believe some of the things people say. I think your plan to have a "coffee talk" with her is a good idea. Not fun, I agree, but neccessary. You have shown yourself to be very mature and professional in the way you have handled this. Sometimes taking the time to process something and waiting until your head cools to decide on a plan of action is the very best way to handle something so upsetting. Good luck on Monday! </p> https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/dressing-well-insecure/page/2#post-475102 Sun, 27 Nov 2011 14:00:22 +0000 chewyspaghetti 475102@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ <p>I'm with the others- she's projecting her own insecurities on to you. If she weren't so insecure she'd dress better herself. You might want to ask her why she doesn't feel like she deserves to be dressed nicely, but then that would probably open a whole can of worms. </p> https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/dressing-well-insecure/page/2#post-475058 Sun, 27 Nov 2011 07:21:55 +0000 Lantana 475058@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ <p>Your colleague has behaved aggressively and displayed a remarkably limited appreciation of what motivates people's clothing choice. You have the ability to deal with both of these issues graciously and I believe it's important that you do. </p> https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/dressing-well-insecure/page/2#post-475035 Sun, 27 Nov 2011 06:18:50 +0000 Scarlet 475035@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ <p>I just wanted to chime in to say that I fully expect a doctor to be dressed in a neat and appropriate way. Sounds like this is someone who would be a bit lacking in the bedside manner department as well. Besides that, I agree with the other comments here regarding insecurity. </p> https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/dressing-well-insecure/page/2#post-475034 Sun, 27 Nov 2011 06:14:37 +0000 Michelle 475034@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ <p>Lyn, that strategy is so many kinds of awesome I can't even count them. It won't be fun, I'm sure, but it will be the right thing to do, which atones for much inconvenience. Her comments to you were absolutely uncalled for, and if she's saying worse to other colleagues she needs to be nipped in the bud, like, yesterday.</p> <p>What an interesting assumption she made. If she'd made the remark to me I would have been floored, but because she would have hit the mark. I *am* insecure, and I *do* look to fashion to bolster my flagging confidence. I suspect that's not the norm, though, and why she would project her own issues through the channel of personal style is baffling to me.</p> <p>Good luck on monday. Oh, and wear the fab boots, too. </p> https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/dressing-well-insecure/page/2#post-475028 Sun, 27 Nov 2011 05:58:56 +0000 Refugee 475028@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ <p>Lyn, you are awesome! I know this won't be an easy conversation to have but you have have the strength of character to have it. As a doctor you will also have to deal with people management and it looks like this will be your first test in that arena. The fact that you are stepping up to this on your own tells me you are ready to continue to take the next next step. </p> https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/dressing-well-insecure/page/2#post-475013 Sun, 27 Nov 2011 05:23:39 +0000 lyn* 475013@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ <p>Aww, all of your kind words have brought tears to my eyes!</p> <p>I think my plan of action will be to invite her to coffee on Monday to discuss some of the comments she made towards the other health care professionals. </p> <p>It feels akward because I'm only one year ahead of her to give her a "talk" but I don't think it will do her any benefit to let it slide. I am also afraid that the nurses will think I also share her thoughts because I "let her" talk in this manner to them.</p> <p>And I'll wear a dress. </p> https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/dressing-well-insecure/page/2#post-475007 Sun, 27 Nov 2011 05:05:08 +0000 goldenpig 475007@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ <p>I agree with Rae and everyone else. Totally rude and unprofessional comment and it makes her sound like the jealous and insecure person, not you. If you wanted to be nice, it would do her good to let her know that statements like that are inappropriate and could hinder her progress if she makes a habit of criticizing her superiors. Otherwise, feel free to just ignore her. Since you said she has a habit of making similarly unprofessional comments about other staff, just wondering--do you think she has some sort of condition like Asperger's where she doesn't "get" social nuances? Or is she just plain rude?</p> <p>I don't think you need to worry at all about what she said. Ever since I joined YLF, I've have been trying to dress up more, because I feel that patients take you more seriously when you are nicely and professionally dressed as opposed to casual and sloppy. You look totally professional and appropriate and you're one of my style role models--I was inspired to join YLF because of you! So don't change a thing about how you dress! XOXO, Natalie </p> https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/dressing-well-insecure/page/2#post-474996 Sun, 27 Nov 2011 04:51:39 +0000 Sylvie 474996@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ <p>Joining the chorus.</p> <p>Yes, she is projecting her insecurity on to you. A person who is insecure might be overdressed to compensate for that insecurity and could be wearing the exact same outfit as a secure person. Body language/speech patterns are what will tip you off to the person who is insecure. A secure person would project that security wearing anything they feel comfortable/appropriate in.</p> <p>Yes, she is unprofessional and someone (maybe you if you're her direct supervisor, maybe someone else in a mentorship role to her) needs to call her out on it very very specifically. </p> https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/dressing-well-insecure/page/2#post-474984 Sun, 27 Nov 2011 04:34:47 +0000 Suz 474984@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ <p>I am flabbergasted that a clerk would say this to her superior. I can easily understand why you didn't say anything at the time. I'd have been completely gobsmacked. </p> <p>And I'm still scratching my head about how she has managed to progress as far as she has...especially wearing leggings as pants! </p> <p>It's no wonder you are fighting a rash, Lyn. The stress of dealing with peabrains like this has got to take its toll on a girl! </p> <p>A question: is she in psychiatry? Seriously? </p> <p>If you are in a quasi-teaching role with her, I would use it as a teachable moment. You could do as Jonesy suggests and send an email, or you could open up a conversation about her assumptions. In doing so, you'd be modelling a sense of security and non-defensiveness that perhaps she needs to see. Although sadly, it sounds as if she is too obtuse to get it. </p> https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/dressing-well-insecure#post-474868 Sun, 27 Nov 2011 01:42:50 +0000 Jonesy 474868@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ <p>I have never had a student insult me (at least to my face!), but when students have said inappropriate or unprofessional things, I don't hesitate to email them and point out their inappropriateness. I talk with them about it as a professional development issue. I know exactly what you mean about being speechless when she said that--I think I would have reacted the same way, since it was so unexpected and startling :). But now it's possible to respond to her pattern of inappropriate, unprofessional comments with a bit of a "chat" :). This is just my take, obviously!! Maybe your role doesn't support such intervention, or maybe you're just not comfortable, but you could be doing her a big favor if you can give her some feedback. </p> https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/dressing-well-insecure#post-474866 Sun, 27 Nov 2011 01:41:34 +0000 cciele 474866@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ <p>Yup, sounds like she has a problem with insecurity that will not do her any favors in the future. You keep doing what you're doing Lyn!</p> <p>I do think a lot of younger people are a bit lax about dressing properly for the occasion (e.g., work, formal event, casual outing, sports, etc.) </p> https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/dressing-well-insecure#post-474855 Sun, 27 Nov 2011 01:15:56 +0000 Freckles 474855@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ <p>Anna's comment was spot on.</p> <p>I think in medicine you have to be particularly professional as people may wonder how you sterilize your instruments, how up to date you are on medical whatever if you do not.</p> <p>Good luck with this colleague Lyn and hope the rash clears up soon, take care. </p> https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/dressing-well-insecure#post-474852 Sun, 27 Nov 2011 01:06:17 +0000 rae 474852@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ <p>1- I would not take to heart anything said by someone dumb enough to insult her superior at work. </p> <p>2- I would not take to heart any fashion advice dispensed by someone wearing leggings as pants - especially at work. </p> <p>3- Anyone who tries to cut another person down definitely has insecurity issues. Especially since she is attacking the thing that makes you stand out in the hospital. She's trying to bully you, and you shouldn't let her. </p> <p>If it were me, I would not say anything to her about it right away... to me, that gives her power and satisfaction from knowing that you have been pondering her oh-so-sage words. However, if she says anything like that again, I wouldn't hesitate to point out how catty/unprofessional/rude/counter-productive she is. </p> <p>Fingers crossed that your rash gets better - what is it with rashes this year? I've a referral to a dermatologist to take me in soon for a mystery rash that stumped two GP docs. Fun! </p> https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/dressing-well-insecure#post-474847 Sun, 27 Nov 2011 00:55:40 +0000 MsMary 474847@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ <p>I couldn't agree with this more!! And I don't know if you are responsible for this person's actions, but if so, it's possible that the next time she insults somebody it could cause problems for YOU. </p> <p>I know you want to be nice, but in my view it is far kinder to point out inappropriate behavior than to let it continue until she does irreparable harm to her career. </p> https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/dressing-well-insecure#post-474828 Sun, 27 Nov 2011 00:20:39 +0000 Sharon 474828@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ <p>I don't know how things work over there, but here we are expected to supervise medical students, and our assessment of them impacts directly on their success in a particular area.<br /> What concerns me is not only the content of her comment (which is clearly ridiculous), but her lack of professional and inter-personal awareness. The fact that she engages in this behavior with other staff members would suggest that this is a problem that will probably also affect her interaction with patients and therefore needs to be addressed IMMEDIATELY, before she says or does something that causes distress to a vulnerable person.<br /> If you don't have this kind of arrangement, I would suggest compiling a short list of examples and bringing it to the attention of your head of department. She needs to be made aware of the impact her words can have, both on patients and on staff. </p> https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/dressing-well-insecure#post-474820 Sun, 27 Nov 2011 00:07:20 +0000 Angie 474820@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ <p>*chuckle*</p> <p>This is hilarious. It's clear as day that this poor gal is projecting her insecurity onto you. Chin up and take care of that rash. Not fun </p> https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/dressing-well-insecure#post-474810 Sat, 26 Nov 2011 23:44:57 +0000 Transcona Shannon 474810@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ <p>WHAT A MORONIC THING TO SAY!!! This is coming from the person who is insecure - and I dare say the Green Eyed Monster is rearing its ugly head. I suspect there's some jealousy there and I personally think dressing well shows confidence, not insecurity. She sounds like she's missing the I-will-say-professional-things filter! </p> https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/dressing-well-insecure#post-474805 Sat, 26 Nov 2011 23:35:00 +0000 lyn* 474805@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ <p>Thanks for all the great replies!</p> <p>I have been advising scripts of galax base + betamethasone for my pts; so I guess it's time to take a bite of my own medicine - haha; I need a script for the beta though, so I'm using whatever I can find at my drug store.</p> <p>I actually dread working with her because she says other unprofessional things about the nursing and support staff too. *sigh*</p> <p>Can't wait for Monday :p </p> https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/dressing-well-insecure#post-474781 Sat, 26 Nov 2011 22:40:20 +0000 Patty 474781@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ <p>Anna all the way--great insight!</p> <p>This surely isn't a way to endear herself to you is it??!!!</p> <p>Ooo OR is this a challenge???</p> <p>What a speed bump tho Lyn* </p> https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/dressing-well-insecure#post-474769 Sat, 26 Nov 2011 22:18:07 +0000 Amy 474769@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ <p>Anna's response is spot on. It's hard not to let comments like that get under your skin, though, isn't it? </p> <p>I'd prefer my doctor to be neat in appearance. Not only does it reflect on how the doctor feels about him or herself, but it also implies a certain respect for patients. Slovenly dressers just don't convey respect or care for the people they interact with.</p> <p>Wow. Do I sound old-fashioned, or what? </p> https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/dressing-well-insecure#post-474766 Sat, 26 Nov 2011 21:48:50 +0000 Queen Mum 474766@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ <p>this part made me laugh<br /> "Why else do you have to dress up so people think you're a professional?"</p> <p>ummm, I do consider doctors professionals and appreciate when they can present themselves in such a manner. It's reassuring. Having someone come in to deal with me... even if it's just to take my blood pressure... dressed like this gal you described would make me think it was 'bring your teenager to work' day.<br /> "ummm, can I see the REAL doctor/nurse?" </p>