https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/do-your-clothes-allow-you-to-become-the-person-you-want-to-be Style Advice for Fashion Lovers en-US Sat, 04 Apr 2026 21:04:28 +0000 http://bbpress.org/?v=1.0.2 q https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/search.php https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/do-your-clothes-allow-you-to-become-the-person-you-want-to-be#post-1162372 Mon, 10 Feb 2014 07:12:33 +0000 Fruitful 1162372@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ <p>YES to the velvet words Deborah &hearts; </p> https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/do-your-clothes-allow-you-to-become-the-person-you-want-to-be#post-1162267 Mon, 10 Feb 2014 03:46:08 +0000 karymk 1162267@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ <p>Clothes definitely help me express myself. That's my art. &nbsp;That's what I can show people every day. My wardrobe has the tools to take me from minimal housewife to LA Diva if need be. It's all there, the creativity comes from the combining.&nbsp; </p> https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/do-your-clothes-allow-you-to-become-the-person-you-want-to-be#post-1162197 Mon, 10 Feb 2014 02:46:00 +0000 Jaime 1162197@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ <p>Great thread Deborah! Since clothes and style more generally is something we can control, and since we are all more or less present in the world interacting, in some sense our style is our public selves. And as Janet points out we do become what we do to some extent. So we are interacting with our devised self, which we create according to our inner selves and then the devised self feeds back and affects our inner selves. Or something.</p> <p>I adore A&nbsp;Wrinkle in Time and the other books in that series Gryffin! </p> https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/do-your-clothes-allow-you-to-become-the-person-you-want-to-be#post-1162186 Mon, 10 Feb 2014 02:32:40 +0000 Suz 1162186@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ <p>This process of refinement is key. Last year I feel I identified my fashion persona (at long last) and managed to create a wardrobe that pretty consistently expressed that persona. But this will be the year of refinement, paring away, getting at the essence.</p> <p>It's not that easy, I'm discovering. I wish, in a way, that I knew of a designer who expressed what I am after, exactly. Then, if I could afford the clothes, I'd have my wardrobe. Bingo.&nbsp;</p> <p>But it doesn't seem to be working that way for me. I seem to want to create a unified, almost <i>uniform</i> look -- but I need to assemble it from disparate places.&nbsp;</p> <p>And I know I'll make mistakes. It's all part of growing. Take the recent orange pants. I bought them, wore them once, and knew -- those are not "me." The fit, the "workability" with the rest of the wardrobe was there -- but I didn't want to look like that.&nbsp;</p> <p>Ah well. Onwards.&nbsp; </p> https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/do-your-clothes-allow-you-to-become-the-person-you-want-to-be#post-1162057 Sun, 09 Feb 2014 23:39:49 +0000 Deborah 1162057@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ <p>Fruitful, I felt the same way.&nbsp; I found her words expressed a sense of gratitude and almost love.&nbsp; Her words were like velvet as I read them.&nbsp; Gentle, smooth, soft, luxurious.&nbsp; I re read it a number of times and found the emotional response I had to her words and her senitiment to be very positive.</p> <p>Caro being able to let go of everything else is a very good point.&nbsp; And one that I think can be quite the battle for some.&nbsp; I think it's a process.&nbsp;<b><i> "To refine your style to the essential elements &amp; never deviate" </i></b><i> </i>is exactly where I feel I might be heading, although sometimes I do think I might suffer from multiple fashion personality disorder. </p> https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/do-your-clothes-allow-you-to-become-the-person-you-want-to-be#post-1162042 Sun, 09 Feb 2014 23:22:24 +0000 Deborah 1162042@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ <p>Thanks so much for sharing your thoughts on this.&nbsp; As always such eloquent and articulate responses.&nbsp; If I wait long enough at least some of your will articulate my own thoughts better than I could :)</p> <p>Torontogirls's comment "<i><b>my goal generally seems to be to refine my style so effectively that they essentially 'disappear' from my thought altogether</b></i><b>" </b>resonated with me.&nbsp; Any by saying disappear from my thoughts I don't mean I am no longer intersted just that it is not at the forefront of my mind (obssessively so) all the time.</p> <p>Gaylene's comment&nbsp;<i> "</i><b><i>I want to look good without having others specifically noticing what I'm wearing"</i></b><i> </i>is interesting.&nbsp; I would rather people see me <b>first</b> but I like Janet I do quite like being noticed and having my style and choice of clothing acknowledged or noticed.</p> <p>Gryffin, as always totally in my head:)&nbsp; I agree that what I am seeking is that connect between who I am and what I wear.</p> <p>Sharon, I actually crave&nbsp;the uniform closet you mention.&nbsp;<b><i>"I suspect if I started looking for a particular designer who creates the look I like, I could end up with a very expensive and uniform closet, so I completely understand that point of view."&nbsp; </i></b><i></i>&nbsp; I think that is one of the reasons I am so attracted to the style of people like Odyssey and The Divinitus.&nbsp; Its that finding that aesthetic that feels so 'you' that you build your whole wardrobe around it.&nbsp; Everything works with everything else, works for all occasions and requires less thought but provides maximum enjoyment. </p> https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/do-your-clothes-allow-you-to-become-the-person-you-want-to-be#post-1162035 Sun, 09 Feb 2014 23:12:05 +0000 Caro in Oz 1162035@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ <p>I'm always fascinated by people who wear one (or almost only one)&nbsp;designer. Where does the "fit" begin? Is the person already formed &amp; just lucky to find such a fit? Or&nbsp;are they changed by&nbsp;the clothes? &nbsp;I don't see expressing who we are in clothes always&nbsp;contradicts the idea of your clothes being unobtrusive - imo you can have both if the fit between you &amp; the clothes is great.&nbsp;</p> <p>Diana Vreeland mostly wore Mainbocher (&amp; some Chanel) it seemed the strict lines &amp; luxurious fabrics worked well on her angular body &amp; with her dramatic personality. It does seem to be more than this though because she could have had her clothes made by just about anyone.&nbsp;Donata Wenders&nbsp;has obviously found her "fit" too. Hers&nbsp;is the polar opposite of Vreeland's style.</p> <p>I believe the other part of the equation is the ability to let&nbsp;go of everything else. To refine your style to the essential elements &amp; never deviate. This is&nbsp;not the same as wearing the same types of clothing all the time imo.</p> https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/do-your-clothes-allow-you-to-become-the-person-you-want-to-be#post-1162016 Sun, 09 Feb 2014 22:55:45 +0000 Fruitful 1162016@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ <p>Wow. this is such an amazing excerpt Deborah, it nearly moved me to tears.</p> <p>And I DO believe clothes help me become the person I want to be. </p> https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/do-your-clothes-allow-you-to-become-the-person-you-want-to-be#post-1161958 Sun, 09 Feb 2014 22:02:33 +0000 Janet 1161958@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ <p>Gigi, I totally understand where you're coming from! Great insights.&nbsp;</p> <p>I think my first and even second year of looking at fashion blogs and&nbsp;participating here on YLF, I experimented down some whimsical and boho styles of dressing, and I slowly figured out&nbsp;that I needed to go more sophisticated, while maintaining a bit of rock'n'roll edge (the kickassery, so to speak ;-). I spent a lot of effort trying to duplicate other people's style, and some experiments resulted in successful additions to my closet, while others were abandoned pretty quickly. I'm lucky all this has happened at a time in my life when I actually have a sufficient clothing budget!&nbsp;</p> <p>What is frustrating when a designer's aesthetic&nbsp;"gets me" as an individual, but their cuts do not "get me" when it comes to&nbsp;my body's shape&nbsp;-- complete with big boobs, big hips, big thighs!&nbsp; </p> https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/do-your-clothes-allow-you-to-become-the-person-you-want-to-be#post-1161944 Sun, 09 Feb 2014 21:50:01 +0000 Gigi 1161944@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ <p>Janet, did the electronic dictionary allow you to get by with "kickassery"? That made me laugh! What a word!</p> <p>Deborah, I completely agree. And I agree with MaryK too--it's not simply that I dress to convey who I already am, but I dress to learn about who I am. I haven't found out who I am yet! I am trying out my fifth style persona in less than a year. Sometimes it is actually depressing to see myself move through the different personas, but then I quiet myself by saying that this is actually progress! I do not pick the personas; rather, they pick me. So it is my inner self working something out. This is why I joined YLF in the first place--to learn more about different styles of fashion and how each person has her own unique style personality, which is an extension of her inner person.&nbsp;</p> <p>A psychologist I know, when I told her how I was experimenting with dressing, told me that dress-up is a very important part of a child's development. She said it gives the child a chance to try on different personalities, to see what feels right and what doesn't feel right. I didn't get the chance to do anything like this, as I was raised in a very strict environment. So I think this is way overdue! I am actually heading toward edgier styles, which would be a more aggressive way of dressing than I have dressed in the past. This attitude of being personally assertive&nbsp;is not something that would have been accepted in my family.</p> <p>Like other posters have said, I don't associate my style with any particular designer, but I do find some designers "get me" more than others, so I do have more of their items in my closet. But I don't know that I would ever be able to rely on an individual designer as does the author of the article, since there would eventually have to be a point of divergence, as no two people are exactly alike. </p> https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/do-your-clothes-allow-you-to-become-the-person-you-want-to-be#post-1161936 Sun, 09 Feb 2014 21:38:00 +0000 rachylou 1161936@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ <p>I don't know. It may be because I worked for a salesman straight out of college - but I work clothes. They're very much a part of my whole nefarious plan to be who I want to be, always.</p> <p>But I don't know how many Yohji-brilliant and -versatile items I have, if you know what I mean. </p> https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/do-your-clothes-allow-you-to-become-the-person-you-want-to-be#post-1161865 Sun, 09 Feb 2014 19:57:50 +0000 Sharon 1161865@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ <p>Yes, I definitely feel like this. Some outfits just make me feel more like me, more comfortable in my own skin, more attractive, more confident. Furthermore, it does relate to a particular aesthetic and I find I tend to buy mostly from just&nbsp;a few (mainstream) shops as I manage to define this better. I suspect if I started looking for a particular designer who creates the look I like, I could end up with a very expensive &nbsp;and uniform closet, so I completely understand that point of view. </p> https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/do-your-clothes-allow-you-to-become-the-person-you-want-to-be#post-1161817 Sun, 09 Feb 2014 18:26:26 +0000 April 1161817@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ <p>I find that this becomes more important to me with age. &nbsp;Young women tend to draw a fair amount of attention just because youth is fresh and appealing to the eye, but middle-aged women, in my experience, can begin to feel invisible and irrelevant. &nbsp;&nbsp;</p> <p>It has thus become more important to me that my clothes make me look like&nbsp;<i>someone who knows what's going on in the world</i> (of style and in general) as well as&nbsp;<i>someone who has&nbsp;something to say.</i></p> <p>I'm not talking about dressing in order to draw attention, but dressing so that my age makes me seem more interesting, not less.</p> <p> </p> https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/do-your-clothes-allow-you-to-become-the-person-you-want-to-be#post-1161810 Sun, 09 Feb 2014 18:13:59 +0000 Janet 1161810@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ <p>Interesting responses! </p> <p>I don't mind if people notice what I'm wearing -- in fact, I welcome it. I don't want every piece to be a statement, but I feel like having *something* statement on gives me more presence, or something. It's hard to explain. Maybe because I tend to be a tad introverted, I enjoy having a style that says something without me having to. Hmm. We're touched on this in other discussions too. </p> <p>For instance, my husband says I'm "demure." Well, I don't know if that's always the case, but maybe because I was raised by a very demure and ladylike woman, I carry some of those behaviors and traits. I like my style to convey a hint of kickassery that, underneath it all, I always wished I had. Funny thing is, I feel like I have a bit more of it now because I've been faking it 'til I make it. </p> <p>Does any of that make sense? It's kind of like the professional advice to dress for the position you want, not the one you have. </p> https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/do-your-clothes-allow-you-to-become-the-person-you-want-to-be#post-1161795 Sun, 09 Feb 2014 18:01:26 +0000 Helena 1161795@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ <p>Gaylene, your comment:</p> <p><span>"I want to look good without having others specifically noticing what I'm wearing."</p> <p>Thank you for saying exactly what I was trying to say but didn't have the right words for. I'm writing this quote in my style diary!!! :D<br /></span></p> https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/do-your-clothes-allow-you-to-become-the-person-you-want-to-be#post-1161773 Sun, 09 Feb 2014 17:11:20 +0000 Adelfa 1161773@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ <p>Often I try to dress to show parts of me that are already there, but that people don't always readily see.</p> <p> </p> https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/do-your-clothes-allow-you-to-become-the-person-you-want-to-be#post-1161772 Sun, 09 Feb 2014 17:08:52 +0000 gryffin 1161772@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ <p>Deborah - I do agree with this.&nbsp; I like what torontogirl said, but I would phrase it differentyl, if I have her gist, &nbsp;that when we are dressed in a way that truly represents who we are there is no disconnect between the clothing and the person - so the clothing "disappears" and we are just ourselves.&nbsp; That's why we are uncomfortable when we wear something that's not "us" and we have trouble concentrating on anything else because we are not in harmony with our outfits - there's a disconnect.&nbsp; Has anyone else read Madeline L'engle?&nbsp; Meg Murray, one of her characters, is a "namer" who helps others be more their best most authentic selves.&nbsp; I think clothing can do this for us too.&nbsp; It reinforces and articulates who we are to ourselves and the world around us.&nbsp; </p> https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/do-your-clothes-allow-you-to-become-the-person-you-want-to-be#post-1161767 Sun, 09 Feb 2014 16:56:18 +0000 Gaylene 1161767@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ <p>Hmm, I think I would have agreed with that statement up until a few years ago, but I think I'm growing less and less interested in using clothes to project an aspirational image these days. Torontogirl's thoughts seem closer to mine these days--to refine my style so that my clothing becomes such an extension of myself that I'm not conscious of it any more. I want to look good without having others specifically noticing what I'm wearing. </p> https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/do-your-clothes-allow-you-to-become-the-person-you-want-to-be#post-1161760 Sun, 09 Feb 2014 16:49:46 +0000 Hil 1161760@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ <p>I identify with IK on this (not sure if she was joking though...) but yes, sometimes I still feel like I need to figure out me. I am as&nbsp;drawn to different clothing&nbsp;styles as I am to different career paths, decor styles, even lifestyles.&nbsp; </p> https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/do-your-clothes-allow-you-to-become-the-person-you-want-to-be#post-1161746 Sun, 09 Feb 2014 16:23:17 +0000 MsMary 1161746@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ <p>Yes, I definitely think my clothes have helped me to be more of the person I want to be.&nbsp; And to IK's point, I think my clothes have also helped me figure out who that person is.</p> <p>Most recently I have been surprised to find that my style is shifting and some of my old fashion favorites and I have had to part ways.&nbsp; </p> https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/do-your-clothes-allow-you-to-become-the-person-you-want-to-be#post-1161722 Sun, 09 Feb 2014 14:52:07 +0000 Anonymous 1161722@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ <p>What IK said! </p> https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/do-your-clothes-allow-you-to-become-the-person-you-want-to-be#post-1161692 Sun, 09 Feb 2014 14:33:46 +0000 ironkurtin 1161692@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ <p>First I have to figure out who I am! </p> https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/do-your-clothes-allow-you-to-become-the-person-you-want-to-be#post-1161688 Sun, 09 Feb 2014 14:25:46 +0000 Janet 1161688@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ <p>Oh, and incidentally, Wings of Desire is one of my favorite films ever. I have never acquainted myself with Wim's wife, but I now have to go check out her site. </p> https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/do-your-clothes-allow-you-to-become-the-person-you-want-to-be#post-1161686 Sun, 09 Feb 2014 14:22:59 +0000 Janet 1161686@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ <p>Thanks for sharing that, Deborah. Very thought provoking, and useful to keep in mind as I edit my closet, shop, and continue to hone my style. </p> <p>Laura and El Cee's comments resonate with me too. I can't say there is any one designer who does this for me, but there are certain items that make me feel the most "me" when I wear them. My blue leather moto, my Tuttle sandals in the summer, the AG Tomboy jeans, etc. I need to further analyze what these signature items have in common. One thing that does strike me is that they are not particularly trendy, but the jacket and sandals are distinctive and perk up even the most mundane outfit. </p> <p>Really good food for thought. I will be musing this some more. </p> https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/do-your-clothes-allow-you-to-become-the-person-you-want-to-be#post-1161675 Sun, 09 Feb 2014 13:55:11 +0000 Helena 1161675@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ <p>What an interesting question, and I can understand where she is coming from, as I can understand clothing and dressing as an art form, an expression, which could be either reflective or aspirational.</p> <p>That said, my personal experience with clothes is that my goal generally seems to be&nbsp;to refine my style so effectively that they essentially 'disappear' from my thought altogether. Perhaps that's my expression? Like creating negative space maybe?</p> <p>Anyways, hope that makes some sense ... express on YLFers! Always inspiring! </p> https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/do-your-clothes-allow-you-to-become-the-person-you-want-to-be#post-1161668 Sun, 09 Feb 2014 13:46:20 +0000 kkards 1161668@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ <p>funny, the sermon at my Temple on Saturday, was basically this same theme, but from a slightly different angle. do the clothes that others wear make them the person you think they are. for example, would you feel comfortable getting on a plane if the pilots were dressed in jeans and tee shirts.&nbsp;<br />i'm not sure my clothes make me the person i want to be, but they are certainly part of who i am, and who i want the world to think i am.&nbsp; </p> https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/do-your-clothes-allow-you-to-become-the-person-you-want-to-be#post-1161661 Sun, 09 Feb 2014 13:29:06 +0000 E 1161661@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ <p>Yes! Except for the timeless bit (I underwent a radical style shift about 3 years ago, so most of my stuff is too recent to show its endurance), I feel this way about my clothes too. I talked about that a bit on AlaskaGirls's <a rel="nofollow" href="http://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/es-post-and-style-character-vs-physical-reality">thread</a>, but essentially my clothes connect me with the most hopeful, curious, resilient&nbsp;aspects of myself. But I also use them to present myself to the world in a certain way too: I want to appear a bit bookish and&nbsp;unusual and 'homespun'. Because I am. ;)</p> https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/do-your-clothes-allow-you-to-become-the-person-you-want-to-be#post-1161658 Sun, 09 Feb 2014 13:22:51 +0000 Laura 1161658@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ <p>Yes, I agree - the transformational power of clothes is real. I have never linked that power to a single designer, though. I don't think there is one designer who I connect with so strongly&nbsp;I would want my entire wardrobe to be comprised of, say, Marc Jacobs. But yes, I do use clothes to show who I am at different stages of life and to express different sides of my personality. In my 20s I tried a lot of trends -- like trying on various personas and roles in life. </p> https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/do-your-clothes-allow-you-to-become-the-person-you-want-to-be#post-1161642 Sun, 09 Feb 2014 13:03:53 +0000 El Cee 1161642@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ <p>This is a very interesting question, Deborah. (And I will have to check out Donata's website to read the entire article -- I am intrigued.) I can somewhat relate to her thoughts on this subject. I believe that, for me,&nbsp;my clothes "allow me to more fully&nbsp;express the person that I already am". I do&nbsp;notice subtle style shifts from time to time, so I guess I am still "becoming" (at least to some degree). I do agree with her that clothes have the power to "affirm" and "confirm" identity.&nbsp; </p> https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/do-your-clothes-allow-you-to-become-the-person-you-want-to-be#post-1161634 Sun, 09 Feb 2014 12:18:18 +0000 Deborah 1161634@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ <p>This is a piece from Donata Wenders website. I was moved by how beautifully she writes about Yohji Yamamoto's work and how it makes her feel. The quote that "Yohji's clothing lets me become more of the person I want to be" struck me as quite profound, along with the comment about his clothing affirming her identity. She articulated exactly what it is I desire from my clothing. It's deeper than just "dressing"myself. </p> <p>I do want to acknowledge that we are ofcourse more than what we wear, but I think I understand what she means.</p> <p>This is the excerpt:</p> <p><b>"Yohji's clothing has a huge effect on me. And on the models who show his work. I love to observe them backstage, while they slip into his dresses…</b></p> <b><br /> </b> <p><b>Wim, my husband, introduced me years ago to Y.Y.'s fashion. Ever since then, when I put on the first dress by Yohji, his clothes have slowly taken over my closet, and not much else has stayed in there. I practically wear nothing else any more now, with the exception of my darkroom work coat.Yohji's clothing lets me become more of the person I want to be.</b></p> <b><br /> </b> <p><b>His clothes guide me, teach me, even give me the feeling of "I am taken care of", they softly and steadily confirm my identity. In his clothes I feel I am always appropriately dressed for each and every situation. They are timeless and still up to date. I wear his dresses and trousers for 8 years now. None of them are worn out. On the contrary, I have the impression they become better with time, more part of my life.They are like different skins of myself and I have stories to tell about the time when I was wearing this or that piece. "</b></p> <p>I wondered if her words here resonate with any of you and do you feel this way about your own wardrobe.? Or is this how you would like to feel about your wardrobe? </p> <p>xxxDeborah </p>