YouLookFab Forum » Topic: Do you dress to offset?

YouLookFab Forum » Topic: Do you dress to offset? https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/do-you-dress-to-offset Style Advice for Fashion Lovers en-US Wed, 22 Apr 2026 02:19:04 +0000 http://bbpress.org/?v=1.0.2 <![CDATA[Search]]> q https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/search.php Diana on "Do you dress to offset?" https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/do-you-dress-to-offset/page/2#post-1010112 Wed, 21 Aug 2013 05:05:10 +0000 Diana 1010112@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ Ah, I forgot the other big one. I dress to offset my bombshell figure. I do not want anyone but my husband to find me sexy (and he can see me naked if he wants so he doesn't need to see me in bombshell clothes either. ). Yes, I have a bit of a complex about this, which may be why I'm so conflicted about the tube skirts! Aziraphale on "Do you dress to offset?" https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/do-you-dress-to-offset/page/2#post-1010111 Wed, 21 Aug 2013 04:56:52 +0000 Aziraphale 1010111@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ I dress to offset the body I've got.  I'm small and dainty-looking, but I don't feel dainty on the inside.  So I prefer to wear clothes that make me look...assertive. ramya on "Do you dress to offset?" https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/do-you-dress-to-offset/page/2#post-1010110 Wed, 21 Aug 2013 04:51:40 +0000 ramya 1010110@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ As a software engineer in an all male company, they don't care much. Yes they tease me on my 2 inch heels but nothing mean. I wear what I want to. Jeans wiyh conversr one day, trousers with heels the other or my twirly skirt if my mood strikes. The team I lead sits in India, yhey cannot see me in person but I am sure they know that I may be sweet and helpful but the work needs to be done. Period Adelfa on "Do you dress to offset?" https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/do-you-dress-to-offset/page/2#post-1010102 Wed, 21 Aug 2013 04:18:19 +0000 Adelfa 1010102@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ DV, exactly. Sometimes the offset is to bring forward a part of me that for whatever reason isn't being seen as clearly as another part of me. Velvety, I think you're describing a great example of the ever-constricting box that we sometimes find ourselves in when we think about what we want to portray! Nothing is simple! Una, wow, taking on ethnic stereotypes--cool! I think you're succeeding! kkards, insightful observation that the offsets can change over time! MaryK, there's a reason why my *favorite movie of all time* is Legally Blonde! I just can't get enough of pink-clad Elle Woods walking into the courtroom! Gaylene, it's good to have you comment so articulately on the bad old days. And YES, "not caring about others' perceptions can swing too far"!!!! IMO. Extreme example--in my town, if you work with the people I work with, you best not be sporting gang colors. Doing so inadvertently has gotten people killed. Linda, I want you to be my insurance agent! I think the image you're projecting is way cooler than "I've sold so much insurance that I can afford to dress like this"! Suz, when I first started to participate in ylf, I confused people a bit, I think mostly because of the moto jackets. It was fun! Thanks to everyone who has joined in on this thread. This issue is a rather tender one for me and it's been so good to hear how you all have experienced it. Day Vies on "Do you dress to offset?" https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/do-you-dress-to-offset/page/2#post-1010052 Wed, 21 Aug 2013 02:53:25 +0000 Day Vies 1010052@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ I have been voraciously reading all of the responses and feel like I have nothing to add since everything I feel was summed up in the intro. I echo what some of the other ladies have said about wanting to bring myself to my outfit. While it may not be all of me it is who I am at that moment. velvetychocolate on "Do you dress to offset?" https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/do-you-dress-to-offset/page/2#post-1010046 Wed, 21 Aug 2013 02:50:47 +0000 velvetychocolate 1010046@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ Agree with Gaylene's post, which was very well said. Also liked what MaryK had to say in that it can actually be fun to dress however you want to and still be taken seriously. Truthfully? My 'offsets' are as follows: Hourglass - try to dress more conservatively Hearing Impaired/Blonde - feel perceived as 'dumb' - try to dress in a way that I might be taken more seriously Classic/Conservative looking family - friends/co-workers afraid to swear around me and it's a struggle to appear relaxed and/or even the slightest bit 'cool'. I look and feel like a dork most of the time. Overweight Person - although I have lost a lot of weight, I spent years in very frumpy-looking attire - offset is to try and make up for that What a mixed bag! How am I to try and dress more conservatively (off-setting the hourglass / blonde thing) while also trying to off-set the dork/classic vibe that I tend to give off? Yeah right...no wonder I'm spinning my wheels half the time. Very interesting thread! Kari on "Do you dress to offset?" https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/do-you-dress-to-offset/page/2#post-1010016 Wed, 21 Aug 2013 02:27:20 +0000 Kari 1010016@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ Adelfa and Gaylene, REALLY liking the way you expressed this difficulty.  It's about balance.  But I also have learned that I can have authority plus a sense of humor, even in the workplace. Adelfa on "Do you dress to offset?" https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/do-you-dress-to-offset/page/2#post-1009972 Wed, 21 Aug 2013 01:29:57 +0000 Adelfa 1009972@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ Beth Ann, that was my laugh of the day! "I may be someone's mom, but I'm not your mom." I just want to savor that. Nodding my head at the creative&modern against the age discrimination. I have a friend who is a Juilliard-trained flautist (doctorate). She is our age and talks about how flautists are supposed to be young and pretty. Maybe my bassoonist DD won't have it as tough? Just so everyone knows, on a thread like this I answer everyone, but I've been working all day and now have limited time before I attend choir practice (dressed in denim bermudas and a batik tee) so I will come back. Ruth and Peri, you both take/took such care in your appearance to your students. Not too young, professional, and not too old. Wow, does anyone else feel the box around us constricting? Can't be too young, too old, too authoritative, too harsh, too soft.... AnnieMouse, that's really interesting--you up your level of formality to compensate for the quirk factor. I can see how that would work! Beth Ann on "Do you dress to offset?" https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/do-you-dress-to-offset/page/2#post-1009939 Wed, 21 Aug 2013 00:20:41 +0000 Beth Ann 1009939@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ Great thread, Jody. I guess that, when I teach, I try to dress in a way that says, "I may be someone's mom, but I'm not your mom."  As a performer, I dress to look creative and modern, since there is much age discrimination in the singing world. I'd certainly like to dress in a way that's appropriate to the occasion and environment, but beyond that, to reveal my best self.  My rubric of  "form with flow / energy with ease" probably represents this I want the structure and line in what I wear to help me seem "put together" and dynamic, but I'd like enough softness to seem approachable and warm. As for projecting the right kind of "youthfulness," I'm learning to be subtle in how I accomplish this.  For example, I debated a long time before trying BF jeans, since no one, and I mean not one adult woman in my work or home environments wears this style.  Finally the creative "always trying something new" side of me won out.  No one seems too scandalized. Adelfa on "Do you dress to offset?" https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/do-you-dress-to-offset/page/2#post-1009866 Tue, 20 Aug 2013 21:58:28 +0000 Adelfa 1009866@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ Hijacking happily allowed! Peri on "Do you dress to offset?" https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/do-you-dress-to-offset/page/2#post-1009865 Tue, 20 Aug 2013 21:48:52 +0000 Peri 1009865@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ Hi Ruth, yes I love that connection with students. Who else gets to know them from childhood til they graduate and sometimes beyond? I've even been to weddings. Very fun to watch them grow up. And I do think most parents appreciate me...it's just the few whose stories stick! I'll stop with the hijacking now! Anonymous on "Do you dress to offset?" https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/do-you-dress-to-offset/page/2#post-1009834 Tue, 20 Aug 2013 20:13:35 +0000 Anonymous 1009834@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ Peri, I used to get the "What do you do all day?" question. Grrrrr!!! I had 3 small children and spent hours and hours planning lessons. Parents never get that since lessons are private, they are customized to fit each student's individual needs and musical tastes. It's not like piano teachers only work when giving lessons. Geez! I guess I was dressing to offset those types of comments. :)   I agree it's rewarding, though. I miss working with the kids, but don't miss dealing with the parents. Only a few parents ever acted like they appreciated the time and energy I put into the lessons. On the bright side, one of the students I taught years ago when I taught in Central America actually found my oldest DD on Facebook. From my DD, she got my cell phone # and called me when I was vacationing in FL. What a surprise that was! She called to tell me how much she valued the piano lessons, and how I instilled in her the importance of being prepared. She is now in medical school. Suz on "Do you dress to offset?" https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/do-you-dress-to-offset#post-1009833 Tue, 20 Aug 2013 20:12:16 +0000 Suz 1009833@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ <Threadjacking continues>....I commiserate, Peri. I can't tell you the number of people who assume that I do not work, simply because I work from home as a writer. Or worse -- who assume that my creative work is not work because it is largely unpaid.  Of course all women who care for their homes or parent face that discrimination, too. If it's not paid, it's not real "work."  <End threadjacking> What an interesting question, Jody. I've been thinking about it for a while because I could not come up with an answer. Ultimately I've decided that while I do hope to influence people's perceptions of me with my clothing, my main goal is to make them see who I really am -- not to persuade them of something I am not.   Still, at various times in my life, my appearance (including my dress) has for one reason or another confused or confounded people's expectations.  Like Mary K, I rather enjoy it when this happens!  :-)  Peri on "Do you dress to offset?" https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/do-you-dress-to-offset#post-1009827 Tue, 20 Aug 2013 19:49:29 +0000 Peri 1009827@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ Hi Ruth, and AMEN to everything you said. Here is a story only you will understand and believe: For awhile I taught at a music school. When I left to teach at home a parent actually said to me "what are you going to do now that you won't be working?". I was doing the exact same job but it wasn't "working" since it was at home!!! So irritating! And I have a MM degree, which gives me actually more education than 90% of the parents I deal with! Oh well, I love teaching...but it's a challenge sometimes! Anonymous on "Do you dress to offset?" https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/do-you-dress-to-offset#post-1009801 Tue, 20 Aug 2013 18:51:36 +0000 Anonymous 1009801@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ I was a piano teacher for several decades, and know exactly how you feel, Peri. Although I taught children in my home studio, I made it a point to keep the house spotlessly clean (not easy to do with 3 small children of my own) and dress as if I were working in an office. I look young for my age, and always felt the need to look professional. Seems like very few people think of a private piano teacher as the educated, competent professional that he/she is, and working in your home makes it even harder to shirk that perception. Along with dressing a certain way, I also made it a point to perform at each and every recital. I never asked my students to do anything I wouldn't do myself. I made piano lessons fun by using board games, computer software games, etc. The games enhanced the lessons, which was valuable because I knew they weren't going to do the theory assignments I gave them. For that matter, some didn't practice that much, and I sometimes felt like a high-priced babysitter. Fortunately, I had some really good students who enjoyed lessons, came prepared each and every week, and offset the ones who goofed off. End of venting, lol! Peri on "Do you dress to offset?" https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/do-you-dress-to-offset#post-1009797 Tue, 20 Aug 2013 18:39:34 +0000 Peri 1009797@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ My fine line is dressing the dreaded "age appropriate" (I'm 53) while also trying to dress "youthful". I'm not corporate...I teach piano. I will always be the "old lady piano teacher"....to kids I was ancient at 35. I'm constantly getting reactions like surprise that I know who Lady Gaga is and things like that. I can't tell you how much that irritates me!!! I don't look young, but I don't look 53 either...possibly 45 compared to other women I know. Which again, kids think is ancient. But I want to dress like I know what's going on in the world. I make sure the kids know I have an iPad and I know how to use it! I know about iTunes, and yes I have Fun on my phone. I don't live under a rock and I want to look like I have authentic style...not too trendy, but not dated either. I live in fear of dated. I may have to start using Instagram soon! So yes...I'm trying to offset the old lady stereotype. milehighstyle (Linda) on "Do you dress to offset?" https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/do-you-dress-to-offset#post-1009755 Tue, 20 Aug 2013 17:21:41 +0000 milehighstyle (Linda) 1009755@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ I think I do dress in a way that offsets some stereotypes - my field (insurance) has a reputation of being stodgy and boring, my age can be seen as a time where some women give up, dress frumpy, become out of touch with current fashion.  Also, I am shy and don't call attention to myself with words or actions.  My office skews to the casual side of office dressing. Put all these things together and I could easily disappear into blahs-ville. I dress in a fun, colorful, feminine, modern, dressy style that I hope says to the world, "I am open to new things, think differently from others, and you don't want to overlook me".  Gaylene on "Do you dress to offset?" https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/do-you-dress-to-offset#post-1009745 Tue, 20 Aug 2013 17:09:51 +0000 Gaylene 1009745@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ ...seeking authority in our image is fraught with difficulty. Adelfa, I think you've targeted the underlying issue here. And I think, to some degree, it is age-related. Women who wanted to be taken seriously in the 80s more or less felt required to offset their femininity by deliberately seeking an image of androgynous, cool, rational, competence. In those days, it was all too common to see outsiders automatically assume a junior male staff member was "in charge", or to see a woman professor cleaning up coffee cups at the end of a meeting while her male colleagues just walked away, or, in my case, to be mistaken as the department secretary if I answered the phone. Wearing a pencil skirt with a sweater almost guaranteed you'd find yourself fighting those kinds of stereotypes. Choosing a wardrobe to manipulate others' perceptions was, for me and many of my colleagues, a way of taking control of our work lives and not being coy about wielding the power that we worked so hard to attain. I am thankful that kind of wardrobe thinking seems so alien today and, instead, most young women want to dress in a way that reflects their own personalities and tastes.   But I still will admit to cringing inside when I see a young female colleague wearing a short, tight dress and stilettos to teach a class, or a fourth grade teacher wearing a pair of denim shorts and tank top to meet with her students' parents. Relying on marketers and trendy fashionistas for wardrobe inspiration isn't without its perils.  I sometimes wonder if not caring about others' perceptions can swing too far and can perhaps be a problem when young women today need to be taken seriously. Anyway, thanks for opening up such an interesting thread. MsMary on "Do you dress to offset?" https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/do-you-dress-to-offset#post-1009741 Tue, 20 Aug 2013 17:02:50 +0000 MsMary 1009741@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ I've posted about this before, but I really enjoy demonstrating my seniority/power in the workplace by not dressing in accordance with the traditional "power suit" women's workwear.  I would like to think my pink patent leather pumps with the rainbow striped  heels say, among other things, "underestimate me at your peril." kkards on "Do you dress to offset?" https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/do-you-dress-to-offset#post-1009736 Tue, 20 Aug 2013 16:52:45 +0000 kkards 1009736@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ i dress to offset, but what i'm offseting has changed over the years. when i 1st started working (yes, during the the dress for sucess age) i dressed to offset that i looked younger than i was, and that i am a small person. now, as i am one of the oldest in my office, i am trying to dress to offset that, but walking the thin line, so as not to look like i'm trying to look like a kid when i'm clearly not one. i will also confess to not caring any more to dress in a way that makes me look larger/bigger. catgirl on "Do you dress to offset?" https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/do-you-dress-to-offset#post-1009718 Tue, 20 Aug 2013 15:47:06 +0000 catgirl 1009718@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ I know people often make assumptions based on the fact that I'm a petite Asian woman (demure, foreign, exotic, feminine, docile), and I dress to offset those assumptions, which are mostly untrue in my case.  Interesting question! Anonymous on "Do you dress to offset?" https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/do-you-dress-to-offset#post-1009705 Tue, 20 Aug 2013 15:32:17 +0000 Anonymous 1009705@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ There is one co-worker who never dresses as well as the other women. As far as I'm concerned, she doesn't count. I dress like the ones who dress nicely, and most of the time I'm actually better dressed than they. I don't send more $ on my clothes than they do, though. I just know how to shop the sales and make my purchases count. The thing is that I'm always aware that for many people, perception is reality, and that people don't stop to think that my DH and I may spend more on some things and much less for other things. We've always been able to look good on a budget. I just don't want to project the idea that I'm flaunting what I have, if that makes sense. I'm a regular gal just like everyone else. I'm not a show off; I just like to dress well. Adelfa on "Do you dress to offset?" https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/do-you-dress-to-offset#post-1009688 Tue, 20 Aug 2013 15:12:38 +0000 Adelfa 1009688@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ Ruth, that's fascinating! I imagine many women think about this issue, but I've rarely heard it articulated. AnnieMouse on "Do you dress to offset?" https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/do-you-dress-to-offset#post-1009687 Tue, 20 Aug 2013 15:12:18 +0000 AnnieMouse 1009687@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ I'm pretty, uh, let's go with "unorthodox" in a lot of ways, so I try to dress with a bit more of a pulled-together look than most of my team (we're very, very casual - many of my colleagues wear slogan tees, as an example). In comparison, while my outfits will seem very casual to most, in my part of my company, I look practically formal because I don't wear flipflops! Ha! But I do have a number of piercings and sport very short hair in non-traditional colours (it has been blue for most of this year, and is currently purple). So I step it up a bit to offset that quirk factor to some degree. (Don't misunderstand me: in no way do I think I am traditionally business-y, though I do have the occasional need to wear a suit. Just that relative to my team, I appear more formally attired.) Anonymous on "Do you dress to offset?" https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/do-you-dress-to-offset#post-1009684 Tue, 20 Aug 2013 15:09:50 +0000 Anonymous 1009684@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ For work, I deliberately dress to offset my DH's income, which is higher than that of the people who work in my office. I think it's best for my clothing to be at about the same price point as the women I work with. I also deal with the general public, and really don't want to stand out--other than to look well dressed and professional. Adelfa on "Do you dress to offset?" https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/do-you-dress-to-offset#post-1009667 Tue, 20 Aug 2013 14:54:11 +0000 Adelfa 1009667@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ Periwinkle, your post is making me realize that seeking authority in our image is fraught with difficulty. We want to project authority but NOT: harshness (Lyn) lose our sense of fashion (Joy) be stern or unapproachable (Firecracker) be rigid or formal (Kari) be stuck in a persona (paraphrase of Gaylene) be fuddy-duddy or frumpy (Moni) like we're trying too hard, or clueless to office culture (Periwinkle) This seems very complicated. Periwinkle on "Do you dress to offset?" https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/do-you-dress-to-offset#post-1009659 Tue, 20 Aug 2013 14:39:46 +0000 Periwinkle 1009659@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ Around clients, I am definitely trying to portray competence, authority, and approachability.  Authority may be the hardest part for me, since I am young and look younger than I actually am.  But if I way overdress compared to everyone else in the office, I think that can look like trying  too hard or like I am clueless to office culture.  So it can be a struggle to dress in a way that gives me the extra authority I'm looking for while still looking approachable and like I fit in with the rest of my mostly business casual office.   I have found that people who know me from work are extremely surprised to see me in my "off-duty" clothes.  I don't really like the idea that there is that big of a perception gap between my work and non-work fashion personae, so I have been working to narrow that.  I would like to look like the same person both on and off duty, even if the clothes I wear aren't the same. Adelfa on "Do you dress to offset?" https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/do-you-dress-to-offset#post-1009632 Tue, 20 Aug 2013 14:04:32 +0000 Adelfa 1009632@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ Just got up, and so many thoughtful responses! Lyn, I'd never have guessed that you're naturally harsh. If that's true, I think you're doing a great job at communicating something softer! Mo, it almost sounds like a uniform can be a hidden blessing, freeing you to have fun with clothes. Kari, Moni, I have one of those faces too and with Firecracker I'm working on smiling more. Kari, that's an interesting idea that you smile more when you're happy with your clothes! I need to think about this. Gaylene, hoorah for a wardrobe where your goal is self-expression! You deserve it after all that! Moni, that's quite a fashion journey! It sounds painful. I can relate to so much of it. So glad you can focus on fun in your closet. Rae, it sounds like you've been using clothes to communicate fairly specific things for a long time. You're an expert! rae on "Do you dress to offset?" https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/do-you-dress-to-offset#post-1009491 Tue, 20 Aug 2013 07:48:37 +0000 rae 1009491@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ I definitely dress to control perception, as Caro put it. Consciously and sometimes not. I don't know if offset is always the word for it, but there are times to enhance certain things that aren't that apparent from how I carry myself. I suppose in this regard, the "offsetting" element is all about exterior perception. Taking a cue from your format:  In high school, I was a bonafide nerd in every extracurricular club available. I wanted to offset that with a statement like, "Yes, but I also know more about music than you do, and I just might kick you in the shins if you start another pregnancy rumor about me." When I was in college, I was not interested in socializing much, and I wanted to deter catcalls from frat boys and construction workers. I dressed to sort of say, "Unless you get what's going on here, back off and leave me to my peace."  At the bank, looking back, I unknowingly dressed to say, "I don't belong here, but I'm going to do a great job while I am."  At the store, I still want to be me, but I don't want to scare anyone away. So now I hope my clothes say, "I dig rugged, quirky adventuring, but I also like pretty, shiny things, and I will not hurt you!" LOL ManidipaM on "Do you dress to offset?" https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/do-you-dress-to-offset#post-1009484 Tue, 20 Aug 2013 07:16:55 +0000 ManidipaM 1009484@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ I started out in several jobs after my very first one in roles slightly higher than typical for my age. Often the fact that I was being offered the opportunity despite my age was made much of and I took my cue from that to try and project authority. Unfortunately, I lost *me* in the process and became the living stereotype of a fuddy-duddy. It did not help to have a face that looks mildly irritated unless I am actually smiling (hey, Kari!) Plus acute introversion that makes smiling not an accustomed or ready gesture. And the tendency to pontificate (what, you haven't noticed? You're too kind! No, really you are)... The conundrum of playing crotchety old wallflower who can't 'mix' or have fun reached a head when I found myself in a fashion-intensive workplace where I was easily the youngest in my role yet lacking the social skills of me peers. I did not know any better but trying to dress to fit my supervisor's picture of authority (v v pigeonholed) as well as adding maturity to set myself apart from contemporaries backfired badly--I ended up appearing frumpy and unapproachable at once, and it did nothing to help my self-confidence in a very unstable workplace. Budget dictated that my leisure clothes were either ultra-casual cheap seconds or demoted work clothes. Not good. Those became my daily frumpy uniform as I went freelance, working from home. It wasn't until I started my last full-time in-office gig that I realised something needed changing, and not just my mind. I am still searching for the right pitch. Looking too young for the job is no longer an issue, but I sound young on the phone and so prefer emails (video calls bring the shyness out full force). However, I still dress to remind *me* of my professional abilities! And am trying to strike a balance of authoritative approachability...while having fun in my closet like I did when in college. I don't think I can compartmentalise well enough for very different personas as capsules.