https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/decisions-of-the-heart-vs-friendly-advice-or-consensus-opinion Style Advice for Fashion Lovers en-US Sun, 03 May 2026 06:08:25 +0000 http://bbpress.org/?v=1.0.2 q https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/search.php https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/decisions-of-the-heart-vs-friendly-advice-or-consensus-opinion/page/2#post-1431779 Mon, 26 Jan 2015 14:23:13 +0000 jackiec 1431779@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ <p>Great thread! I read the book and loved it. I agree with a lot of what has been said, and love the term Organized Emotional Shopping! Yes!</p> <p>I try to follow my intuition more and more in all areas of my life. But sure, it can be hard. I appreciate a friend's honest opinion, as well as YLF feedback.</p> <p>I like to shop with my mom on the rare occasion. It's so easy because she can say yes or no the minute I walk out of the change room and she's always right! I try to hang onto that split second feeling I get the moment I pull something over my head. BUT, Angie is right; things can grow on you.</p> <p>Too bad about your Cole Haan. </p> https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/decisions-of-the-heart-vs-friendly-advice-or-consensus-opinion/page/2#post-1431774 Mon, 26 Jan 2015 14:17:24 +0000 Helena 1431774@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ <p>Staysfit, thank you for sharing this ... this is my biggest struggle, listening to everyone and everything but my own intuition! Thanks for the reminder that I need to pay attention there more </p> https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/decisions-of-the-heart-vs-friendly-advice-or-consensus-opinion/page/2#post-1431760 Mon, 26 Jan 2015 13:38:33 +0000 Gigi L. 1431760@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ <p>I think you know yourself best--so follow your instincts/gut/heart. Also, beyond how something looks is how you feel while you're wearing it. You can look great in something, but still feel uncomfortable or sell-conscious in it. No one else may see that, but you will feel it and that matters. </p> https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/decisions-of-the-heart-vs-friendly-advice-or-consensus-opinion/page/2#post-1431373 Sun, 25 Jan 2015 18:54:41 +0000 Staysfit 1431373@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ <p>So well put Angie! </p> <p> I am planning to test the idea that items can grow on you by finding new ways to style the Cole Hahn leather jacket and pushing myself to wear it. </p> https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/decisions-of-the-heart-vs-friendly-advice-or-consensus-opinion/page/2#post-1431365 Sun, 25 Jan 2015 18:38:23 +0000 Angie 1431365@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ <p>That's why I believe in<b> Organized Emotional Shopping</b>. There has to be joy and positive emotion involved when you purchase a piece and <i>wear the piece.&nbsp;</i></p> <p>That&nbsp;said:</p> <ul> <li>&nbsp;I agree with Dianthus. You can love something that does not love you back. And it's not a bad idea if someone you trust lets you know this. You might be grateful for the feedback.&nbsp;</li> </ul> <ul> <li>Items CAN grow on you.</li> </ul> <ul> <li>Practical decisions can destroy the positive emotion.&nbsp;</li> </ul> <ul> <li>Joy is on a continuum. There is joy and <b>THERE IS JOY.&nbsp;</b></li> </ul> https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/decisions-of-the-heart-vs-friendly-advice-or-consensus-opinion/page/2#post-1431362 Sun, 25 Jan 2015 18:35:50 +0000 Janet 1431362@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ <p>I'm just catching up with this thread again and needed to go back to the idea of paying attention to the opinions of others when deciding on purchases. I feel like I'm becoming less impressionable and more confident of my own self-knowledge. I welcome feedback, of course, but I've certainly made my share of purchasing mistakes while shopping with others or even upon the feedback of well-intentioned SA's (fortunately, most of them were easily returnable once I realized they weren't really going to work). Now I'm more able to take the evaluation of others to heart while still paying attention to my own inner voice that asks, "But will you WEAR this?" Sometimes that question is not answered until I take an item home and look at it in the context of my wardrobe, but it's a more conscious process now, and I don't let flattery blind me to the reality of how I like to dress, and what I reach for when I open my closet. </p> https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/decisions-of-the-heart-vs-friendly-advice-or-consensus-opinion/page/2#post-1431360 Sun, 25 Jan 2015 18:26:28 +0000 Staysfit 1431360@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ <p>Gradfashionista, I have had the same experience of not wearing the items I purchased when my friends told me I looked great in them. That's what started all this - I don't really wear the Cole Hahn leather coat my friend thought was the best looking of two I had modeled for her Perhaps I am shopping with the wrong friends? It doesn't happen when I shop with my DD. </p> https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/decisions-of-the-heart-vs-friendly-advice-or-consensus-opinion/page/2#post-1431334 Sun, 25 Jan 2015 16:58:18 +0000 gradfashionista 1431334@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ <p>But to address the original issue: it's tough weighing in the advice of others. I like using the advice of others to dissuade me from getting something I already like because it saves me money. The few times I have bought items that others looked great on me, I ended up not wearing and giving away. </p> https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/decisions-of-the-heart-vs-friendly-advice-or-consensus-opinion/page/2#post-1431333 Sun, 25 Jan 2015 16:54:35 +0000 gradfashionista 1431333@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ <p>For me, there seems to be a distinction between comfort and joy.</p> <p>At the moment, I spend all day, everyday&nbsp;holed up in my room&nbsp;wearing the loungiest of lounge wear. Extremely high comfort, but joy? It doesn't make much of a difference to me what I wear at home if nobody else will see. Style for me has a performative element and the absence of an audience takes away a &nbsp;lot of the joy in wearing my nice garments.<br />&nbsp; </p> https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/decisions-of-the-heart-vs-friendly-advice-or-consensus-opinion/page/2#post-1431329 Sun, 25 Jan 2015 16:50:23 +0000 Anonymous 1431329@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ <p>One thing's for sure: Where there is no comfort, there is no joy. That's another reason to buy better brands. They are usually made of better materials that feel good next to the skin. </p> https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/decisions-of-the-heart-vs-friendly-advice-or-consensus-opinion/page/2#post-1431321 Sun, 25 Jan 2015 16:34:13 +0000 Staysfit 1431321@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ <p>Bettycrocker, I can relate to the comfort vs. style issue! That's a tough balance, especially if your work environment requires more formal attire. I know all too well about cold weather and uneven office heating. My hands are always cold; having Raynauds doesn't help! I also have experience with the shoe dilemma, having suffered with plantar fasciitis due to running. I have had excellent luck finding items that fulfill my practical needs while still looking stylish and making me happy. However, my work environment and lifestyle in general allows for what I call smart casual attire.</p> <p>I think comfort and practicality weigh heavily in making me happy and joyful about any particular item, not only its aesthetics. </p> https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/decisions-of-the-heart-vs-friendly-advice-or-consensus-opinion/page/2#post-1431280 Sun, 25 Jan 2015 14:25:01 +0000 Anonymous 1431280@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ <p>I can't say that everything I wear brings me joy. For me, practicality oftentimes trumps joy.</p> <p>Take my shoes, for example. I bought the most stylish comfort brands I could find that would feel good on my fussy feet. I like them, but if I bought only what I was initially drawn to or that brought me joy with every wear, only a couple of them would stay in my closet. If I bought the shoes that bring me joy, without considering anything else (bunions and OA, for example), I'd love looking at them in my closet but they'd kill my feet. Winter is another example. I just can't seem to get warm enough in my unheated office. I try to dress as fashionably as possible, but know I don't look my best in chunky sweaters. Pain in my lower back and legs is causing me to seek out different clothes, too. I'm sure I'll find what I like, but again, it's more about comfort than it is joy.</p> <p><i>God rest ye merry gentlemen...&nbsp;Oh tidings of comfort and joy...</i></p> https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/decisions-of-the-heart-vs-friendly-advice-or-consensus-opinion#post-1431263 Sun, 25 Jan 2015 13:22:39 +0000 Staysfit 1431263@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ <p>I agree there is some cognition that goes into the intuitive process, we just aren't always consciously aware. I'm not certain of this but perhaps when we have ruminations after a decision, they are the various thoughts that our brain has already sifted through and taken into consideration that we weren't consciously aware of. For example the thoughts about whether an item is practical, or the material functional, or if it is something we would wear in a given setting, etc. I think intuition can account for that, but then there is the tendency to second guess and over think. </p> <p>Of course every choice will not work out. However, we learn and then make better choices. I think intuition benefits from this process as well. How is it you just know something? It clearly comes from your previous experiences, your current feelings and ideas, and some other complex mixture of cognition and emotion mixed together. </p> <p>Maybe intuition, which in my mind is that combination of cognition and emotion, rather that pure heart, which is just the pure emotion is really what we are talking about. It may also be what Mari Kondo means for us to use although she doesn't make use of that language or really define, or give good instruction on how to make the decisions of the heart she recommends. She only says that as you practice with items that have less sentimental value, you will grow better at detecting your feelings about them and be able to advance to those that have sentimental value such as the items left to you by your mother. Isn't she saying you are developing intuition? Learning about yourself? Gaining intuition about your heart!</p> <p>FWIW, I cannot sort my books using only my heart. Cognition plays a huge role there. I think the amount of cognition used for a decision varies depending on the situation. Sentimental items will be more influenced by emotion,; professional books by cognition, etc. </p> https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/decisions-of-the-heart-vs-friendly-advice-or-consensus-opinion#post-1431260 Sun, 25 Jan 2015 13:02:35 +0000 Jjsloane 1431260@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ <p>That's one of the reasons I prefer to shop alone. Of course I make bad decisions, but then when I return them there is no friend guilt. I also post K/R because I value an outside opinion when I'm unsure, but will usually follow my heart even if the consensus is the opposite.&nbsp; </p> https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/decisions-of-the-heart-vs-friendly-advice-or-consensus-opinion#post-1431257 Sun, 25 Jan 2015 12:55:47 +0000 Astrid 1431257@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ <p>I can't shop listening only to my gut feeling, heart or whatever. Simply because I don't 'fall in love' with an item trying it on, even if it's perfect. To me they're just clothes, in the end. Having to love everything before I buy it sounds kind of exhausting to me. For me the love grows when I'm <b>using</b> my items and they're just right and make me feel great. I love my well worn and broken in items with a history way more than anything I could put on in the dressing room. I guess I can see the potential when I try something on, but appreciation starts in everyday life. </p> https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/decisions-of-the-heart-vs-friendly-advice-or-consensus-opinion#post-1431240 Sun, 25 Jan 2015 10:41:27 +0000 Summer 1431240@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ <p>I would follow your heart; intuition is rarely wrong. &nbsp;When in doubt, leave (or throw)&nbsp;it out. </p> https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/decisions-of-the-heart-vs-friendly-advice-or-consensus-opinion#post-1431230 Sun, 25 Jan 2015 08:11:16 +0000 Jeanie 1431230@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ <p>I keep things very simple in my smallish&nbsp;house and I do feel a sense of freedom in not having too many things. &nbsp;The only things that I tend to collect&nbsp;are clothes, children's books &amp; yarn. &nbsp;Since the rest of the house is simple, I allow myself a bit more leeway to have a few more clothes, books &amp; yarn. &nbsp;I only have a small closet for the current season so it isn't overwhelming. &nbsp;I know that keeping anything with fibers is a part of my natural nesting instinct. &nbsp;Those instincts are just as important as making decisions with my heart. &nbsp;If I can't decide on whether to keep an item, I put it in a holding area. &nbsp;&nbsp; I trust that when the time is right, I will let it go. Sometimes, I feel a need to immediately dig up one of my held items like a squirrel digging up stored nuts!</p> <p>And <b>Janet</b>....I cry for you when you mention trying to part with your mom's things. &nbsp;That is so much harder than parting with your own things. &nbsp;I can only relate to it when my son moved out leaving boxes of things he didn't want anymore. &nbsp;I just had to wait until the mood was right and then quickly throw things in a bag for goodwill. &nbsp;The hardest things were his tee-shirts from Boy Scouts and soccer. &nbsp;I kept a couple and wear them every once in a while. </p> https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/decisions-of-the-heart-vs-friendly-advice-or-consensus-opinion#post-1431229 Sun, 25 Jan 2015 07:56:31 +0000 rachylou 1431229@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ <p>I go with deep rooted feelings because they're almost impossible for me to ocercone. Lesser things though, I'll go with the crowd opinion, because I can just be weird and uncaring. </p> https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/decisions-of-the-heart-vs-friendly-advice-or-consensus-opinion#post-1431207 Sun, 25 Jan 2015 06:07:05 +0000 Staysfit 1431207@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ <p>jenanded, I'm curious about your PhD students results. The study sounds interesting. I love this sort of thing. Very interesting.</p> <p>Runcarla, can't you have a basic black pencil skirt that you love and makes your heart sing? There are so many versions of them. Perhaps your skirt has a particularly flattering fit, cut, or the material is one you prefer? </p> <p>I happened to use the example that I love my socks because as a marathon runner you quickly learn to appreciate the importance of socks. Socks prevent blisters. Socks keep your feet warm if it is raining or snowing. Socks provide some extra cushioning. Everyone has their favorites, and there are lots to choose from. I have my favorite brand, thickness, and style for running, and I have several that I prefer for every day wear. Socks are functional and basic. However, I don't buy a package of white cotton tube socks like my DH or DS and call it a day. I purchase particular brands that appeal to my aesthetic and practical needs and in the end, they make me happy. They definitely make my heart sing even if it isn't exactly in the same way as something more beautiful. </p> https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/decisions-of-the-heart-vs-friendly-advice-or-consensus-opinion#post-1431200 Sun, 25 Jan 2015 05:39:32 +0000 Gigi 1431200@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ <p>It is interesting that you should post this today, Staysfit, because I was just pondering this this morning. I was putting on a black skinny belt that I wouldn't probably purchase now, because I would consider it too boring (black belt with black buckle, and I like high contrast). However, the very fact that it is nothing special makes it perfect for wearing with almost anything, because it does the job without being conspicuous. Having said that, though, I looked back over my wardrobe of purchases, and there aren't too many other "boring" items other than plain t-shirts, plain jeans, and the like, which everyone has. But I do have lots of items that made me happy in my heart when I purchased them, and almost all of them still make me happy today. So I agree a lot with trusting your gut instincts, although as others point out, we do have to engage the more analytical part of our mind when assessing whether we will actually have occasion to wear the garment in the real world or whether certain features of the garment (sheer fabric, etc.) will cause insurmountable obstacles in actually wearing it.</p> <p>But I am open to trying something new if someone I trust tells me that it looks really good on me and I don't hate it. If it's just different, I may well give it a try. Sometimes it takes a while for things to grow on me. </p> https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/decisions-of-the-heart-vs-friendly-advice-or-consensus-opinion#post-1431194 Sun, 25 Jan 2015 05:32:51 +0000 Adelfa 1431194@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ <p>Staysfit, in this case I'm quite sure that my heart was yelling go! go! go! I think your point is valid in many cases though, that it's hard to figure out which is which sometimes! </p> https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/decisions-of-the-heart-vs-friendly-advice-or-consensus-opinion#post-1431188 Sun, 25 Jan 2015 05:15:13 +0000 Anonymous 1431188@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ <p>I need to learn to trust my gut feeling more although I have several favorite pieces that I would not have bought if not for the opinion of a shopping friend. Other times I come home with something that a friend insisted I buy and then wonder why I caved. I really dislike pushy SAs, especially when I know it doesn't look very good on me. Angie's shopping tips on quality and fit and style identification have been a big help in resisting questionable items. </p> https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/decisions-of-the-heart-vs-friendly-advice-or-consensus-opinion#post-1431173 Sun, 25 Jan 2015 04:24:48 +0000 Firecracker (Sharan) 1431173@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ <p>How can one distinguish intuition from some other emotional impulse? I liked Angie's post the other day for testing whether to keep a new wardrobe item. It seems to put the gut decision to a reasonably rational test. </p> https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/decisions-of-the-heart-vs-friendly-advice-or-consensus-opinion#post-1431166 Sun, 25 Jan 2015 04:01:30 +0000 Laura (rhubarbgirl) 1431166@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ <p>Staysfit, maybe it's a matter of degree? I wouldn't say my socks bring me joy, exactly, but having nice, functional socks certainly is pleasant, and a necessity which makes my life easier or less irritating. I guess satisfaction is a more muted form of joy...</p> <p>Adelfa articulates it well; too much gut or too much head, either one, doesn't work for me. My best decisions have included both. </p> https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/decisions-of-the-heart-vs-friendly-advice-or-consensus-opinion#post-1431131 Sun, 25 Jan 2015 03:03:10 +0000 jenanded 1431131@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ <p>I will give you "the" answer on heart or head decisions when my PhD student finishes his study on aesthetic knowledge and decision making! The data is showing that people use the feel for billion dollar 'technical' decisions as well as the important jacket! Does that satisfy your scientific mind? </p> https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/decisions-of-the-heart-vs-friendly-advice-or-consensus-opinion#post-1431122 Sun, 25 Jan 2015 02:52:26 +0000 Jaime 1431122@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ <p>I am definitely a gut chooser and a gut dresser, but where I find criticism particularly helpful is when it articulates something I strongly agree or disagree with. Sometimes even gut reactions need a little clarification.&nbsp; </p> https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/decisions-of-the-heart-vs-friendly-advice-or-consensus-opinion#post-1431057 Sun, 25 Jan 2015 01:10:03 +0000 Marilyn 1431057@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ <p>Yes, you must follow your heart.&nbsp; If it doesn't make YOU happy then it doesn't really matter what anyone else thinks.&nbsp; You will never feel good in it.&nbsp; <br />I added a couple more items to my own purge box today.&nbsp; They just don't make me feel fab when I look in the mirror.<br />I'm sure there is someone out there who will be happy to find your jacket if you decide to pass it along. </p> https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/decisions-of-the-heart-vs-friendly-advice-or-consensus-opinion#post-1431056 Sun, 25 Jan 2015 01:09:06 +0000 Carla 1431056@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ <p>A year and a bit ago during a wardrobe replenishing trip to 'the big city', I bought a purple leather jacket with a heavy lining. It fit beautifully, and DH endorsed the purchase. It wasn't on the list, though. I experienced a bit of buyers remorse shortly after picking up the jacket. With my community's short spring and fall seasons it didn't get much wear that first year. Too heavy to wear as an under coat garment, and too warm as a topper during good weather (like my cognac leather jacket.)</p> <p>Then we ended up with an unexpected relocation, to a climate with an extended fall and mild winter. The jacket is my weekend go-to and earning its keep in my wardrobe. </p> <p>I agree with Rhubarbgirl about an unbalanced wardrobe. A basic pencil skirt in black or navy can be a 10/10 without making your 'heart sing', but I also understand how a fabulous signiture piece can set you up for great things. </p> <p>Pics below - eggplant leather jacket, and cognac jacket as an under coat layer. </p> https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/decisions-of-the-heart-vs-friendly-advice-or-consensus-opinion#post-1431050 Sun, 25 Jan 2015 00:51:34 +0000 Staysfit 1431050@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ <p>Laura, I'm trying to think if I have any items in my wardrobe that don't bring me joy. I even like my socks! I'm as happy with the simple items as the statement items. I'm all about the texture, the way the fabric feels, the fit and the function, etc. I do see some imbalance in my wardrobe in that I have more pullover sweaters than button down shirts or toppers. I think that is more a fit issue than anything else. </p> <p>Dianthus, you are correct. just because something feels good and makes you happy doesn't mean it looks good. The reverse is also true with my leather jacket. It looks great but doesn't make me happy or feel good. Which is more important though, Looking good or feeling good?</p> <p>Adelfa, I think your example is interesting. Do you think we are always consciously aware of our gut response? Are you certain which response was the gut reaction vs. your brain reaction? Could they be reversed?</p> <p>Janet, I haven't tried thanking my belongings, but I greet my house when I walk in the door every day. So far it hasn't answered back </p> https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/decisions-of-the-heart-vs-friendly-advice-or-consensus-opinion#post-1431033 Sun, 25 Jan 2015 00:22:31 +0000 Diana 1431033@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ <p>I tend to go with my gut. I have a strong sense of my own likes and dislikes, and just because someone tells me something looks good or is flattering on me I'm not going to suddenly start liking it.</p> <p>Where I find feedback from others helpful is the situation where I like and buy something, and then you guys tell me that the fit is off or it otherwise doesn't look good. So I can be convinced that something I was attracted to is not right for me, but the opposite (not attracted to something, but it looks good) won't make me like it.</p> <p>I guess you could sum that up as: Heart first, then head. </p>