YouLookFab Forum » Topic: Deciding what to Keep

YouLookFab Forum » Topic: Deciding what to Keep https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/deciding-what-to-keep Style Advice for Fashion Lovers en-US Sat, 18 Apr 2026 09:52:39 +0000 http://bbpress.org/?v=1.0.2 <![CDATA[Search]]> q https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/search.php Synne on "Deciding what to Keep" https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/deciding-what-to-keep#post-2312522 Tue, 07 Mar 2023 18:37:18 +0000 Synne 2312522@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ As for that bowl specifically, can you use it to replace something you already have in your home? Could it be used to store keys, trinkets, fruit? Agree you have to have space for it, or else it's just... clutter. I love the "Container Principle", coined by organizing and decluttering expert Dana K. White. She has been of tremendous help to me with my own clutter issues. Barbara Diane on "Deciding what to Keep" https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/deciding-what-to-keep#post-2312450 Tue, 07 Mar 2023 08:55:09 +0000 Barbara Diane 2312450@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ I think one important thing to remember is that your home is your home, And it can only support a certain amount of stuff and look and function well. How much is different for everyone. I’m still working on implementing this Echo on "Deciding what to Keep" https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/deciding-what-to-keep#post-2312427 Tue, 07 Mar 2023 03:31:24 +0000 Echo 2312427@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ Thank you so much for all the responses. I've realized that this is overwhelming partly because I feel like my mum has been preparing to die for the last five years. Every time I see her, she either gives me things or reiterates her desires regarding her passing, etc. Again, I am grateful that there is nothing in her attics and basement. The house will be easy to clear out. My mum has complicated relationships with family; I cannot involve them. She also has a very complicated relationship with my sister (my only sibling), so I genuinely don't have any help with this. She is giving things to my sister, but most of the things my mum values go to me. I will keep some of them in case my sister wants them after mum passes. But my sister buys and sells antiques for a living, so my mum (rightfully) suspects that my sister primarily wants things to be able to sell them.  I will say that I take all the photos. I've sorted through boxes and boxes of them. I separate those that involve my sister to give to her at some point, and I album those with relatives, writing down who is in each and approximately when it was taken. I, too, have taken most of them out of frames and albumed them with non-acid paper and pages. My dad was a woodscraftman and an artist, so it goes without question that I am keeping things he made, from drawing to sculptures to wooden keepsake chests. Most of the tools he used, thankfully, went to my sister or my mum gave away. Ultimately, I think some of you are right that perhaps I need to give it time. I am 52, so I don't see myself changing a lot in terms of what matters to me, and while I will keep a few things to pass on, I don't want to burden my own children the way I feel burdened now. There were a total of fewer than five things that I wanted, and I have those. They reside in a safety deposit box. For example, my maternal grandfather worked on the railroad, so I have the (very worn and utilitarian) railroad pocket watches that were his. I also have the 18k gold pocket watch with sapphires in the movement that was my paternal grandfather's, as well as my parents' wedding rings. Those and the photographs matter to me, and not much else. She gave me boxes of things that were mine from school, and that, at least, helped clarify what to keep for my own children!  Regardless, it is an emotionally charged task. Perhaps I need a small storage unit just for some clarity right now, but I am strongly NOT a hoarder. I despise the idea of putting things into storage and have always thought that if you can live without them for years at a time, it is a waste to keep them at all. That doesn't make my opinion right for everyone; I just enjoy living a little more sparsely. Peri on "Deciding what to Keep" https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/deciding-what-to-keep#post-2312391 Tue, 07 Mar 2023 00:29:48 +0000 Peri 2312391@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ My sisters and I just finished with this too and there are no easy answers. I know how hard it is. You are on the right track though, by realizing that some items that are important to her but not to you. Her story, not yours. I kept things that I loved and had meaning to me. I didn't keep anything that I didn't want or felt was a burden. Now, we had the "luxury" (dubious) of deciding this all after she died, so the guilt was only about what would she have thought, not about having to watch her confront our choices. I dealt with the guilt by knowing that I have plenty of things of my mom's that mean a lot to me. I don't have to have everything. So, is there a way to keep some things for now that you know she wants kept? And then make your real decision on them later?  judy on "Deciding what to Keep" https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/deciding-what-to-keep#post-2312315 Mon, 06 Mar 2023 19:34:19 +0000 judy 2312315@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ Some people will just not be parted with their stuff!  A few years ago I stayed with a relative who was often giving lip service to wanting to clean out his closets and attic.  I said, hey let's give it a go...sounds fun.  Not fun for him! He wasn't able to part with one thing, not one thing!  It got sorted and rearranged, and during that time, he was also almost daily bringing home new free things from the dump and the side of the road.  All good things, but there is only a finite amount of space in each of our homes.  He was very uncomfortable with empty spaces.  It's an art to hold things meaningfully but lightly while we have them, isn't it...to enjoy them and find beauty but know we are okay without them.  I think it can also be a particular habit, the too much of everything very messy every surface covered habit, of ADHD...and the compulsive acquisition of new things to OCD.  My mom wasn't like that, hers was quite organized, it was just very full.  She had worked at her church consignment store in her later years, and that accounted for much of her current wardrobe, so that was easy to just donate all her clothes back to them. Just adding this...my relatives discomfort with "empty spaces" was also probably empty spaces inside of him...?  His wife had died some years before, and that is when this habit really started to bloom.  It can be a response to grief I've heard.   Cardiff girl on "Deciding what to Keep" https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/deciding-what-to-keep#post-2312297 Mon, 06 Mar 2023 18:35:55 +0000 Cardiff girl 2312297@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ I can relate.I had in-laws who really valued all their stuff and when they moved to a smaller house wouldn’t contemplate giving anything away to charity etc..it had to go to people that they knew,whether they wanted it or not!My poor s.I.l ended up with one whole room full of stuff that she only felt able to donate once they had passed.l am determined not to do that to my daughter but unfortunately my husband has inherited the hoarding gene so l don’t know how successful l will beAnyway l don’t think that there is an easy answer,just try not to upset your mum! Laurie on "Deciding what to Keep" https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/deciding-what-to-keep#post-2312295 Mon, 06 Mar 2023 18:29:58 +0000 Laurie 2312295@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ I ..... almost can't even discuss this right now. I am so triggered by stuff and clutter. I am in the thick of ultimate resistance from my parents who will not budge from their home of 62 years, and who need assistance, so I have all that happening. Meanwhile, at the other end of the generational spectrum, we just spent 4 days helping our 28 yr old son rearrange his 487 sq ft. studio apartment. It's a former warehouse with 16 foot ceilings, so it can be amazing if laid out intelligently, and lived in sparsely. He has been there for 5 years, and during the pandemic he obviously was there pretty much 24x7. He'd been sleeping on a pull out sofa this whole time. Recently a unit on his floor went up for sale, and it was laid out with a room divider and a bed behind the divider. Great inspiration and, with the help of my designer friend, we quickly drafted a layout (down to the inch...seriously, you guys, it is SO small). For the last 2 years I have been unable to go into it without getting upset (and judge-y, and critical), due to the "stuff". I had no idea how much there was, though. It was pretty shocking. It was a herculean task to move things around enough to even be able to build a couple of IKEA pieces, and rearrange. He did get rid of a lot of stuff - bags of clothes, crap on counters, magazines and books. The troubling part includes the huge boxes of things he orders from Amazon, and keeps on the ledges and in the corners. The fact that vinyl records and a turntable take up valuable surface space, when it is all available on the 3"x6" iPhone! And on and on.  I think he was overwhelmed, honestly, and couldn't begin to figure a way out so I do feel good about providing the impetus, manpower, and car big enough to haul away things that weren't serving him anymore. And the place is truly more functional, and he has a real bed - albeit a twin - to sleep in finally. He just needs to stop ordering paper towels as if he is a family of 8! As for my parents, keep you posted. My frustration level is so high that I cannot summon sentiment right now. It makes me not want to keep anything, or get attached to anything. One thing I have done in the past - with things like kids' artwork, for instance -  is take photos of the items before throwing away or letting them go.  It also helps my mother part with things like clothes if she feels like they're "going to a good home" - so I will take anything she wants to give me, and promise her I will give them to our cleaning person, or other people, even if I ultimately need to donate at Goodwill. judy on "Deciding what to Keep" https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/deciding-what-to-keep#post-2312282 Mon, 06 Mar 2023 18:05:17 +0000 judy 2312282@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ I have done this too, but after my mother passed.  One of my sisters and I did her whole house.  My mother had saved everything, thinking we would like to have it.  But few of us had any room for these things.  And she had photos and letters from her mother too.  It made for an interesting time, going over a life's worth of items, a way to say goodbye.  (but also made me shed so many things of my own afterwards).  We had an antiques dealer come for nice dishes and glassware, and the furniture was donated to a charitable organization...they came with a huge truck and took it all.   I don't think my mother could have done any of this while she was alive.  It would have been too much for her.  As it is, one sister still has things in her basement she doesn't want.  Me, I have a little picture of Jesus and surrounded by sheep that I used to ask my mom if I could have when I was a child and she always said no (I would have lost it for sure).  It sat on her dresser all her adult life.  THAT is what I have of hers now.  And it means something to me because it did to her.  It's hard to decide what is important in the middle of overwhelm...and the process is so overwhelming.  While things might mean nothing now to you, when she is gone, they might mean something more, so if you can put some things away to decide later, you might be glad of that.  I went to a memorial a few years ago for a beloved sister in law.  She had collected brass and wooden candlesticks.  At the service, in the woods, it was lovely, they had a table filled with all of her candlesticks and let people take one or two to remember her by.  It was a very nice touch, and so generous.  Two unmatching ones are on my mantel.  It can be nice to have objects that have a story.   cat2 on "Deciding what to Keep" https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/deciding-what-to-keep#post-2312277 Mon, 06 Mar 2023 17:20:07 +0000 cat2 2312277@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ Do you have other family members? When my parents each passed we had a text string going to figure out who wanted what, and what should be donated. For the most part we each wanted different things. My sister and I ended up with more of the fine dining stuff, my brother wanted more of the cooking supplies and furniture, my nieces needed more basics for their own places, and one niece loved the art. We agreed on a charitable organization to take everything else that was in good enough shape. I still have a couple of boxes of photos to go through, but that isn’t a burden. rachylou on "Deciding what to Keep" https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/deciding-what-to-keep#post-2312254 Mon, 06 Mar 2023 15:45:19 +0000 rachylou 2312254@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ We-ll… I will say this, my people are storage rental people. The only real furniture I’ve ever bought was a sofa and a mattress. When my uncle returned from Japan after 40 years, he also didn’t have to buy anything. Lol, basically my grandparents set up everybody for life. That’s been a help. So… I guess I’d try to give good furniture a good home. We did however sell my grandma’s gigantic collection of porcelain ballerinas. Grandma went a little crazy in Austria one year… ! cjh on "Deciding what to Keep" https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/deciding-what-to-keep#post-2312244 Mon, 06 Mar 2023 14:25:01 +0000 cjh 2312244@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ This is a hard phase of life for both elders trying to come to terms with moving to smaller spaces and their younger family members who don’t have the same material needs, tastes or space. Best wishes to you as you navigate and make decisions. I was the main person to clear out my in-laws’ 30+ year old home when they had to move to assisted living. We didn’t need or want any of their furniture, household goods or possessions. My MIL helped me tackle the clothing, which of course was 20+ years and full closets worth of all sizes and styles. She still asks about certain items or says she wishes she still had something, all items which wouldn’t fit or be appropriate now. I chalk it up to fond memories of her nice outfits and activities she wore them to. Of course she took current clothing with her (more than she needed plus stuff that didn’t fit.)<div> </div><div>Then we sold many of her bigger items and kitchen things to a young lady who was setting up her first apartment. </div><div> </div><div>Then it took me a couple of weeks to empty every drawer, cupboard and nook and cranny, display and price every item on long tables borrowed from the church, and have three days worth of sales at their house and added leftovers to our own garage sale later. Including tools and lawn mowers, the receipts came to over $4000, which was good since the work was all volunteer (me) and they needed the money. However, we then piled huge piles for trash collection at the curb, of broken bookshelves, scarred and damaged items, carpet scraps, stuff that was just worn out and used up. Then we loaded up our small trailer about three times and took donations to local thrift agencies. Kept: 1. Many contents of her China cabinet, which were divided up among her two sons, families, kids and grandkids, and a handful of things she sent off to dear ones (a small vase sent back to the one who gave it to her, etc.) 2. Lots of photos. Way too many boxes of photos. Which I tried to delegate to my brother-in-law but he had to bring back when my FIL died and we needed to make a board for the funeral, and then he didn’t take home again. Still in a pile next to my furnace. I’m happy I took all the frames off and got rid of them. 3. Just a few other useful keepsakes, like the linen tea towels I made into shopping bags, a yellow Tupperware strainer which I’d always wanted one, a few sentimental tools my husband chose, etc. Even some true antiques which I saw on eBay for decent prices were donated in the end because I couldn’t sell them. </div><div> </div><div>Here is what I learned: My in-laws hated moving but were actually proud to sell their things; it validated their prosperity and hard work over 60+ years of marriage. I realize that some families see it the opposite way, that they have collected their life belongings to pass on en masse to their descendants as a heritage.  </div><div>My stuff is valuable only to me and DH and I must lighten the burden of stuff and work and emotional exhaustion that would fall on my kids if I don’t get rid of most of it sooner rather than later. I am not a sentimental person to begin with and my daughters are even less so. </div><div> </div><div>So in answer to your question of what would I do, after a much too long backstory, sell or give away EVERYTHING except any true mementoes which touch your heart or, as said above, you can absorb painlessly into your own life. Treat your mom with kindness and respect towards her values and tastes as she accumulated all her possessions over the years. When you give away things, tell your mom how much they were appreciated and what good she is passing along. Of course there will be things going to trash, just don’t elaborate on what or how much. Apologies for my long story. Maybe it will be of interest or use to somebody; if not, feel free to skip. </div> RobinF on "Deciding what to Keep" https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/deciding-what-to-keep#post-2312236 Mon, 06 Mar 2023 13:36:19 +0000 RobinF 2312236@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ That is definitely hard. My mom had downsized a few years before she passed away and that helped decrease the amount of stuff, but she still had a lot (and also had my grandmother's photos and mementos) and I have several boxes still to go through. The furniture and books got dispersed among us three remaining kids and the grandkids each got a few items as well that they picked out. But some things were really hard to get rid of, even if no one had use for them. There were so many pieces that I remembered my parents being so excited about, and that had special memories. I feel like just having one or two prized items is more special than having a house full though, so it was worth making a decision and getting rid of the rest.  Also clothes, she had quite a bit and we were similar in size so I had to decide what to keep of that. Most were not my style but I have been slowly trying to wear and if not working, right away put in the donate bin. They are probably nice enough to try to sell but I don't have the time or energy for that. I can't imagine trying to do that while she was alive so I think you are in a tough spot with that. Dee on "Deciding what to Keep" https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/deciding-what-to-keep#post-2312232 Mon, 06 Mar 2023 12:53:08 +0000 Dee 2312232@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ Oh my dear that is a tough situation, my mom too, has asked me to take some of her jewelry, so I’ve taken a few pieces but I don’t need or want the rest. I have enough stuff already.  I like Anchie’s mom’s approach because it will be a real emotional burden clearing my parents stuff when they pass. My mother is very attached to all her things. I’m sorry that I can’t offer you any real solutions. anchie on "Deciding what to Keep" https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/deciding-what-to-keep#post-2312218 Mon, 06 Mar 2023 07:12:40 +0000 anchie 2312218@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ It is tough. I advise not to keep anything that you don’t want, and explain that gently to your mom. It is just stuff after all, and if you keep something out of guilt you will just assign bad energy to it, and not meaningful memory. I cleared my parents house last summer together with my mom. She had tons of stuff, but was strangely non sentimental about it, and haven’t forced me to keep anything I didn’t truly want. I only kept some photos, some nice china and couple of paintings. After I selected things to keep, she invited various relatives and friends to go through things and pick whatever they want. Some were very greedy, while others were modest, and she didn’t care, she just wanted to be over with. We had a big bonfire in the backyard and burned tons of photos, documents and personal memorabilia. I am so glad that we did it together, because now that she is gone, going through her stuff would feel so much worse and I would feel much more guilty for not keeping almost anything. Indigoprint on "Deciding what to Keep" https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/deciding-what-to-keep#post-2312183 Mon, 06 Mar 2023 02:05:08 +0000 Indigoprint 2312183@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ My parents recently passed. Going through their home was an enormous effort that I was only a part of and I have a few regrets. Although I have many things from my family there are a few things I wish I would have looked for so I am thinking 1. Keep a list of what you would really like to keep. It seems like one would remember but I did not 2- my parents taped little history info tags on many things and that was helpful to understand the significance of an item and helped to determine to keep or pass on. 3.keep what you can. What I wanted as a 20 year old differed greatly when I was 60. 4. On the other hand I love to thrift and am honored when I come across an object that appears like it was special to someone and it has become special to my family. So just saying if you do donate it may become another family's heirloom you are not just passing it on without thought. Irina on "Deciding what to Keep" https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/deciding-what-to-keep#post-2312175 Mon, 06 Mar 2023 01:34:25 +0000 Irina 2312175@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ I have almost nothing from my mother. When she died I was too upset and raw to think about it. And later it was too late, my relatives got rid of her things. My mom was a single parent, so that’s it for me. <div>My DH is not sentimental, he is not interested in his mother’s things, which is probably OK, I don’t think my son would want any, either. But I do think what I’m going to leave behind to my son and my grandson. </div> Sal on "Deciding what to Keep" https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/deciding-what-to-keep#post-2312165 Mon, 06 Mar 2023 00:43:39 +0000 Sal 2312165@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ it is very challenging - I have experienced this with my Mum and my MIL (and two Grandmothers - both without them). We are all different - and in different situations.  I have learnt that other people don't necessarily like my stuff as much as I do.   I think doing the best you can - whilst being respectful - is fine.  And parking it for a year or two and then addressing it can be fine too! My husband and older son are not into sentimental things at all.  My older son went to Italy and bought NOTHING.... and wanted nothing from his Grandmother's house.  My younger son collects hats and has a few things he really likes and is sentimental about.  He took things to his college room to decorate it - the older one took nothing! Carla on "Deciding what to Keep" https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/deciding-what-to-keep#post-2312148 Sun, 05 Mar 2023 22:28:36 +0000 Carla 2312148@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ The struggle is real!  We’ve passed on quite a bit of stuff.  The last of the stuff from DH’s parent’s estate 4 years ago (they’ve been gone 15 yrs!).  My mother’s downsizing has been going on for about 8 years, but there was a BIG edit last year when she moved into assisted living.  I’ve adjudicated items that mom was ambivalent about, but still gave to me to deal with.  Some absorbed, much passed along.  I have a more touchy/emotionally charged stash of stuff that is just hers that still needs to be wrangled.  My house has enough storage space to accommodate a seasonal rotation of items (like stored holiday decorations, suitcases, etc.) but only a very small ‘dead zone’ where things can go to be forgotten! <div> </div><div>FWIW, my two millennial son’s are not interested in stuff - not their grandparent’s stuff, not my (and DH’s) stuff, and not even acquiring a lot of their own stuff!  </div><div> </div><div>Good luck!</div> MsMaven on "Deciding what to Keep" https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/deciding-what-to-keep#post-2312146 Sun, 05 Mar 2023 22:14:42 +0000 MsMaven 2312146@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ First thing we did when my parents could no longer live in their home of 62 years was have a relative who collected and auctioned valuable items in similar situations. He saw nothing in my parents home to make it worthwhile to try and sell them. My sisters and I took turns picking out items to keep. I have a dining room chair, a bookcase, and a few books.  Both of my sisters and I kept some things of sentimental value to us. We've passed some things to the next generation. In the meantime, we've collected a ton of stuff. DH is a bit OCD--he admits it. He's rented a storage unit and is clearing out our house--says he will sort and toss or give away this stuff over the next few months.  I'm working on clearing out belongings I don't want to leave behind. I used to be good at eliminating extra stuff. For some reason it is getting to be more difficult. I'm having problems even clearing out my computer files. Makes me anxious. I find this weird.  I plan on making a list of what remains of my parents' things and offering them to the next generation. We'll see how it goes.  Suz on "Deciding what to Keep" https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/deciding-what-to-keep#post-2312144 Sun, 05 Mar 2023 22:07:03 +0000 Suz 2312144@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ Ah. This is hard. My brother and I cleared out our parents' home after my mother died, so it was easier to make these decisions, in the sense that the parents were no longer around. We struggled anyway -- and to prove it, there are about 10 boxes of stuff still piled in my brothers' storage space that we will need to deal with at some point. But we did the bulk of it and mostly we made donations.  I guess there are three ways to go about this, depending on your mother's health and state of mind and your relationship with her.  1. Invite her to talk about this honestly. Tell her your concerns. See if she has any concerns of her own, or preferences. See if you can come to any agreement.  2. Go ahead and donate or give things away to otherw who genuinely want them, without letting your mother know. (From one perspective this is disrespectful. From another perspective it is not; when a person gives a gift, the recipient is allowed to do what she likes with that gift.)  3. Rent a storage locker for this stuff until you are ready to consider it on a piece by piece basis and you have a clearer idea what you might like as a keepsake.  I don't envy you this task. It is never easy for anyone involved.  Anonymous on "Deciding what to Keep" https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/deciding-what-to-keep#post-2312131 Sun, 05 Mar 2023 21:30:49 +0000 Anonymous 2312131@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ I'm with you! I have lots of mom's And FILs stuff in my garage, as well as my grandpas collections and DHs grandma's estate stuff. It's a huge garage, but I'd really like to be able to renovate it, and don't want most of what's in there. My mom is a recovering hoarder, and I involve her in the decisions. Meaning- we sit outside the garage with a big tarp and sort for hours*. Her stuff- her decisions. Things for donation go straight into my car and not back into the garage. I have gotten the nickname of "little drill sargeant" though :) *beer is often involved Anonymous on "Deciding what to Keep" https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/deciding-what-to-keep#post-2312112 Sun, 05 Mar 2023 19:54:34 +0000 Anonymous 2312112@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ I was thinking similarly as kkards. Ask your kids if they would want any of the items for college or first apartment. Best wishes kkards on "Deciding what to Keep" https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/deciding-what-to-keep#post-2312109 Sun, 05 Mar 2023 19:41:12 +0000 kkards 2312109@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ Well I’m the exact opposite. I want and have kept it all. But…. For me the most important question is what do you think your children and their potential children want. Please make sure to include them, and any other family, in any decision. SarahD8 on "Deciding what to Keep" https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/deciding-what-to-keep#post-2312106 Sun, 05 Mar 2023 19:29:25 +0000 SarahD8 2312106@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ Oh yes. I have been there. For me, it has worked well to let paring down be an iterative process. When I have a bunch of stuff from some particular relative or branch of the family it can seem a bit overwhelming, and everything is equally meaningful or meaningless. But with a little bit of time I can start to pick out which items I'm most drawn to and how I might make them work in my everyday life. Then it's easier to let go of the other items without guilt. With sentimental or heirloom-guilt-ridden things sometimes I find it useful to give them away via our local Buy Nothing group. Then I know that an item is going directly to a person who actively wants it and can make use of it. (There's also a culture at least in the Buy Nothing groups where I live of people saying that something is a "tough give" and then giving a little bit of the background to the item. I don't know, it's nice!) I am sure there is someone out there who would appreciate a lot of those items -- when you started describing the mixing bowl I was thinking, that sounds AMAZING!!! And then you were like "but it means nothing to me" and I was like, I did not see that coming! Horses for courses, etc. Anyway, point is just because these items aren't useful or meaningful in your life doesn't mean they won't be in someone else's -- and connecting them with their proper owner can help assuage the guilt. Can be overwhelming, and not possible in all circumstances, I know. When I give family things away I generally check with my mom first and am transparent about it: "I was thinking that X item doesn't really have a role in my daily life and Y item from same relative is more meaningful to me, so I was thinking of passing X along to someone who will appreciate it. Is that ok?" Fortunately my mom and I have very similar philosophies about these sorts of things! Good luck! Echo on "Deciding what to Keep" https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/deciding-what-to-keep#post-2312099 Sun, 05 Mar 2023 18:35:43 +0000 Echo 2312099@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ I am sure this topic has been covered in one way or another in the past, but I am struggling with STUFF. My mum has been cleaning out her home, for which I am very grateful. There will be very little to clear out when she passes. However, everything that has ever been sentimental to HER has become mine. I am overwhelmed with stuff, and I am not sure how to approach this. For example, I have an old wooden bowl that I am relatively sure was carved from a solid block. It was my mother's grandmother's mixing bowl, so it is very old. But realistically, it means nothing to me. Likewise boxes and trinkets. I know a limited version of some of the stories behind them, but they are my mother's stories and not mine. Yet none of this changes the overwhelming guilt I feel when I consider passing them on or donating. My mum trusted ME with these items in the hopes that they would not be lost. She is rarely at my home, and would never know if I did not keep them, but still... For those of you who have faced a similar dilemma, what did you do? I am well aware that THINGS aren't the person. My memories are the most important thing, but I also know that if she knew, my mum would be crushed that I disposed of some of these items. But I am overwhelmed with SO. MUCH. STUFF. We don't have the space. What would you do?