https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/crisis-of-conscience-career-vs-family Style Advice for Fashion Lovers en-US Wed, 29 Apr 2026 22:59:58 +0000 http://bbpress.org/?v=1.0.2 q https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/search.php https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/crisis-of-conscience-career-vs-family/page/2#post-910085 Wed, 17 Apr 2013 12:48:04 +0000 lyn67 910085@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ Hugs Rae, you'll get it sorted! Yes, work is very very important to everybody, so if&nbsp;you can &nbsp;make it work a rescheduling, that's a good solution! https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/crisis-of-conscience-career-vs-family/page/2#post-909991 Wed, 17 Apr 2013 10:04:12 +0000 Hil 909991@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ Big hugs Rae! That's all! https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/crisis-of-conscience-career-vs-family/page/2#post-908570 Mon, 15 Apr 2013 19:48:14 +0000 ironkurtin 908570@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ Rae, it is unfair to expect yourself to be "over" something that affected you deeply.&nbsp; The mind doesn't work like that.<br /><br />Remember that dreams are your brain running over triggered neural connections.&nbsp; If you are feeling stressed and pressured, it jumps to recently used triggers that mean "stress" and "pressure."&nbsp; The emotions in dreams are true, the dreams themselves are not.&nbsp; However, because the images it brings up are not neutral, they can combine into a heavy mental load!<br /><br />One thing you might speak to your therapist about is ways to unarm the triggers.&nbsp; In other words, once you understand the emotions, you can start managing your reactions to them and make them less stressful.<br /> https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/crisis-of-conscience-career-vs-family/page/2#post-908469 Mon, 15 Apr 2013 17:26:02 +0000 Sona 908469@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ I did not reply right away because the advice you got was spot on and things worked out in a way.I wanted to let you know you are in my thoughts and prayers. I think you have some PTSD from the overwhelming incident and you will continue to have flashbacks. However how you deal with them can change. I practice mindfulness that I learned at the mayo clinic and It has changed my life. I would recommend mindfulness for dummies. As a therapeutic approach mindfulness and meditation have a lot to offer. https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/crisis-of-conscience-career-vs-family/page/2#post-907524 Sun, 14 Apr 2013 15:15:46 +0000 Peri 907524@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ <p>Hi Rae,</p> <p>You have enough good answers, I just wanted to lend support. Your posts are some of the ones I always look for and admire...I had no idea you were going through troubles. This is the first time I ever checked the off topic posts.</p> <p>Anyway, mental hugs. Hope it gets better soon. </p> https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/crisis-of-conscience-career-vs-family/page/2#post-907472 Sun, 14 Apr 2013 14:18:05 +0000 Isabel 907472@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ Rae, I am so sorry you have to go through this. And "the whole hostage thing"...please, don't put so much pressure on yourself to "get over it". You don't get over something like that. &nbsp;Your expectations are just unrealistic my dear friend. Be kinder to yourself. &nbsp;The fact that you were taken hostage still haunts me and I only learned about here all the way across the country. What does that tell you ?<br /><br />Regarding the plane tickets. There is something called the sunken money theory. It is basically that the money is sunk ( spent ) already. What you do or don't do after the money is spent doesn't matter because it is spent. It is done. &nbsp;Kaput. &nbsp;( I know, easy for me to say...)<br /><br />And Rachy is absolutely correct. You job is your livelihood. It&nbsp;<i><b>is</b></i> family business. And it does sound as if the timing doesn't matter.&nbsp;When all is said and done, you still have to be able to support yourself.&nbsp;<br /><br /><br /> https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/crisis-of-conscience-career-vs-family/page/2#post-907377 Sun, 14 Apr 2013 06:39:44 +0000 ElleH 907377@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ <p>Rae I only just saw this &amp; can't add any more advice than what you've been given already. I want to give you a virtual hug though &amp; le you know that I do understand PTSD. It is absolutely Norma for you to still feel stress or anxiety &amp; check corners etc. so don't beat yourself up. I hope you find ways to feel better &amp; also that the family members in this recent incident get what they need too. </p> https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/crisis-of-conscience-career-vs-family/page/2#post-905662 Fri, 12 Apr 2013 02:20:20 +0000 Jules 905662@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ <p>Rae I don't think anyone would expect you to be "over" what you've been through. I think it's great you can recognize that it affects the way you cope with stress and talk about that with the therapist. You're doing great. I hope the family situation improves too. </p> https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/crisis-of-conscience-career-vs-family/page/2#post-904943 Thu, 11 Apr 2013 12:14:01 +0000 Deborah 904943@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ Rae, not advice but it sounds like this has worked out for you. &nbsp;Just want you to know you are in my thoughts and prayers. https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/crisis-of-conscience-career-vs-family/page/2#post-904833 Thu, 11 Apr 2013 04:07:58 +0000 Anonymous 904833@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ <p>Just found this and you have excellent advice. Sending hugs and soothing thoughts. Your DH is probably dealing with his own stresses over his family, maybe even worried about what you think of them. </p> https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/crisis-of-conscience-career-vs-family/page/2#post-904821 Thu, 11 Apr 2013 03:37:17 +0000 rae 904821@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ Thank you kindly for all the wisdom here. Sometimes I feel like the hostage thing has been, like, so totally over for months now and that I should be over it already. But in reality it has seriously altered my ability to deal with stressors. Talked about this with Dr. Shrink. Anyway, the point of my story is that it is wonderful to have y'all to de-warp my&nbsp;perspective. Even though I feel like it's a universe-imploding conflict, it's not that big of a deal. The facts are manageable, even if the reaction is uncontrollable.&nbsp; https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/crisis-of-conscience-career-vs-family/page/2#post-904140 Wed, 10 Apr 2013 16:11:34 +0000 jenanded 904140@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ Hang in there Rae... there is some good advice here on taking care of yourself, putting time (and money) into perspective, and career is not in itself a selfish thing as Rachylou says because it gives your family a home and food etc... loads of kisses and good wishes... https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/crisis-of-conscience-career-vs-family/page/2#post-903304 Tue, 09 Apr 2013 21:38:15 +0000 biscuitsmom 903304@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ I'm so sorry you had to go thru this, on top of everything else you've been dealing with :(&nbsp; Glad to hear you can re-arrange your 'off-'times' , so its not a issue for you/them. https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/crisis-of-conscience-career-vs-family/page/2#post-903277 Tue, 09 Apr 2013 21:01:56 +0000 goldenpig 903277@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ Angie's advice (and everyone else's) is spot on. Glad things worked out, and lots of hugs Rae.<br /> https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/crisis-of-conscience-career-vs-family#post-903173 Tue, 09 Apr 2013 19:50:15 +0000 rachylou 903173@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ There is always the third way.<br /><br />There are certain situations that put us in survivalist mode - purchasing plane tickets being one of them. Things go starkly black or white, jump or get eaten by the dinosaur.<br /><br />Situations with family or even friends are another of these. When I was rather young and my grandmother passed away, I totally bailed on work. Quit the job and came back as a rehire months later, but it was the shop o' punks and everybody was a nihilist anyways. When my father passed away, years later, I had had more a taste of reality. Work is life or death too. You don't show, work doesn't get done, and <i>children don't eat</i>. Easier to see that reality in a place like the bakery where I work than the big corporation where I do my day job, but it's still true.&nbsp; Work <i>is </i>family business.<br /> https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/crisis-of-conscience-career-vs-family#post-903142 Tue, 09 Apr 2013 19:06:37 +0000 Sara L. 903142@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ I'm so glad you were able to work out your flights!&nbsp; I just wanted to add that my DH occasionally does similar things - acts all dramatic and then it turns out that the situation can be easily fixed.&nbsp; It drives me crazy sometimes.&nbsp; And I love Angie's advice about it only being money.&nbsp; https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/crisis-of-conscience-career-vs-family#post-902965 Tue, 09 Apr 2013 16:27:06 +0000 Debbie 902965@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ Rae I am sorry you have to go through this. It might be helpful to talk to the manager and find out if there are other dates that are blacked out and if certain sale dates are blocked annually.<br />You have been under a lot of stress and dealing with all of this is not helping. You mentioned you want to get away from therapy. Could you just take a week off. Take care of yourself and I am sending you lots of hugs. https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/crisis-of-conscience-career-vs-family#post-902935 Tue, 09 Apr 2013 15:47:22 +0000 Transcona Shannon 902935@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ Rae - I'm so glad things seem to be sorted regarding the trip. But I still want to send you HUGS. You have been through so much the past few months and it can wear a person down. It worries me that this recent episode has brought back your nightmares - I hope you will continue to see Dr. Shrink to help you deal with those painful memories. I'm feeling a bit "motherish" towards you today and wish I could bring you chicken soup https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/crisis-of-conscience-career-vs-family#post-902928 Tue, 09 Apr 2013 15:40:21 +0000 Mochi 902928@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ "<i><b>It's only money."<br /><br /></b></i>This. This. This.&nbsp;<br /><br />It took me many years to learn this, even incompletely. And also, I know it's a cliche, but determining whether the particular situation would still be affecting you in five years is helpful in prioritizing.&nbsp; https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/crisis-of-conscience-career-vs-family#post-902895 Tue, 09 Apr 2013 15:08:12 +0000 Anonymous 902895@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ Rae, first hugs. I am sorry . It has been a rough year.<br /><br />Re. Universe against you. My life has been full of these moments. I often joke around by saying that the universe seems to want me to work at it a bit harder than the rest. As such, I&nbsp;do not&nbsp;expect&nbsp;things to<i><b>&nbsp;</b></i>run seamlessly.<br /><br />Re. Family: What I do in this case is to try to visualize the future. Can I live with the so called" regrets" or "what ifs"? If yes, I would prioritize family over work. If not,&nbsp; Family first. To be honest, I end up choosing family 99% of the time.<br />In my opinion,&nbsp;Nordies or not, a company that is not understanding that family comes first, is not one that I want to work for, especially if the situation is as dire at it seems. <br /><br />ETA: It looks as if it was fixed? <br /><br /> https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/crisis-of-conscience-career-vs-family#post-902892 Tue, 09 Apr 2013 15:07:07 +0000 Angie 902892@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ Oh! (((HUGS))). So sorry you are going through another terrible time, Rae.<br /><br />I'm 100% with MaryK.<br /><br />Rae, you need to understand something very important.<b> </b><i><b>It's only money.</b></i> That's all the cancelled non-refundable flights were. A little wasted money. It does not matter in the big scheme of things. You are thrifty enough to have made up for that a billion times over and will continue to do so. <br /><br />Work the sale, and find other ways to support the family. No one will hold it against you. Best of luck and we are here if you need love and support. xoxo<br /> https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/crisis-of-conscience-career-vs-family#post-902859 Tue, 09 Apr 2013 14:36:16 +0000 adorkable 902859@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ By the way, Rae, I'm in your neck of the woods and have a container of mace a friend gave me when I was feeling unsafe after some very nasty street encounters. I no longer carry it around regularly and I'm happy to pay it forward - do you want it? (Running by the Pavilion would be a pretty trivial errand. PM me if you think it might help.)<br /><br />I know how terrible it is to feel unsafe and I do hope you feel better soon!<br /><br /> https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/crisis-of-conscience-career-vs-family#post-902857 Tue, 09 Apr 2013 14:31:00 +0000 adorkable 902857@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ I'm glad to hear it's worked out well!<br /> https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/crisis-of-conscience-career-vs-family#post-902852 Tue, 09 Apr 2013 14:13:51 +0000 cheryl 902852@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ I am glad to hear that it has worked out but I wanted to send you a hug and hope some of your stress goes away soon. https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/crisis-of-conscience-career-vs-family#post-902783 Tue, 09 Apr 2013 13:01:20 +0000 Jaime 902783@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ Glad it is resolved - I agree with the advice and your decision to change the dates. Great stress busting advice above - for me it is also physical activity and yoga that helps.&nbsp; https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/crisis-of-conscience-career-vs-family#post-902782 Tue, 09 Apr 2013 13:01:09 +0000 velvetychocolate 902782@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ Rae - I am sorry to read that you're dealing with this kind of stress, and just wanted to send an extra hug or three your way. <br /><br />Also - while it does sound like you're very busy these days, I wanted to mention that long walks are a great stress reliever. There's something very grounding about feet on the ground, moving forward. Going to the gym helps too. Is there anyone at work you could go on walks with during a lunch break or before/after work? <br /><br />Hang in there, and glad this latest stress got resolved (re: travel schedule). <br /> https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/crisis-of-conscience-career-vs-family#post-902770 Tue, 09 Apr 2013 12:51:24 +0000 Janet 902770@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ Coming late to the discussion, and it sounds like the travel-work conflict will be sorted out, but I just wanted to send a virtual hug. I really hope you get some time to yourself to help alleviate the stress you're under.&nbsp; https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/crisis-of-conscience-career-vs-family#post-902755 Tue, 09 Apr 2013 12:36:03 +0000 Kristin L 902755@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ I'm so glad everything has&nbsp;calmed&nbsp;down. Have you tried any mindfulness exercises (I think that's what it's called, but I'm not 100% sure)? It's things like imagining your stressor as a book and closing it. Granted, it's not that easy and it takes time to hone it. I've been using it for my anxiety and it's seemed to help. https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/crisis-of-conscience-career-vs-family#post-902725 Tue, 09 Apr 2013 11:37:22 +0000 Mochi 902725@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ It's mindfulness. For me it's the same when I'm fully focused on learning sone complicated dance steps. Typically when I'm not engaged in that type if activity, my brain is all over the place, creating distraction, and often trouble.&nbsp;<br /><br />Rae, I have no advice to add to the excellent suggestions being added here. I'm just really sorry. I guess we always think good communication is in place&nbsp;when often it isn't.&nbsp; https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/crisis-of-conscience-career-vs-family#post-902635 Tue, 09 Apr 2013 05:01:18 +0000 catgirl 902635@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ Caro makes a great point for all of us about finding stress releases.&nbsp; And now that your work is overlapping with what used to be more of a hobby (fashion!), maybe something else is out there?<br /><br />For me, it's rock climbing - I feel strong, I'm doing something warrior-ish involving gear, and I can't listen to the clamor in my brain when my concentration is fully focused&nbsp;on the wall.&nbsp; It seems counter-intuitive but it really is like yoga for me.&nbsp; Actual yoga doesn't help me because my brain starts to wander.&nbsp; My brain has to be engaged to disengage, apparently.