https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/completely-ot-at-what-age-did-you-become-a-woman Style Advice for Fashion Lovers en-US Mon, 04 May 2026 02:03:02 +0000 http://bbpress.org/?v=1.0.2 q https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/search.php https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/completely-ot-at-what-age-did-you-become-a-woman/page/3#post-247872 Tue, 09 Nov 2010 18:41:21 +0000 Patience 247872@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ <p>Julie, you put it very eloquently. When I think back to how I was in my 20's, that is definitely a closed book but I never had a retrospective moment until it was long done. That's okay too. 33 was definitely the best age so far although I do have a soft spot for 9, 19 and 29. Of course, the decade points are arbitrary but it's fun to give significance to them anyway. </p> https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/completely-ot-at-what-age-did-you-become-a-woman/page/3#post-247855 Tue, 09 Nov 2010 17:52:09 +0000 RandomThoughts (Andrea) 247855@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ <p>Regarding "woman" vs "adult", I think (hope) in this case they refer to the same thing since, unless I'm mistaken, we are all females here and thus obviously we're women. I -do- think the experiences we have as females differs significantly from men in many ways in part due to different biology and as well as social expectations and prejudices.</p> <p>As an example, my DH and I have been together nearly 20 years. We don't have kids. Many people find that unusual and I especially take heat for it on occasion. DH never gets that. Ever. Society has expectations about what I should want and be like as a female. That certainly affects who I am. Those sorts of things affect all of us.</p> <p>I'm happy to say, however, that at 40 I definitely get less guff about it. I think things have started to change too, and that choosing a life without children has become more accepted and common. Biology is not the only difference between men and woman; Sure, at birth it is. We have different parts and hormones. But gender affects life experience. Even thinking in a cold, scientific way (especially that, really) you can see how that would make a difference. </p> <p>It's nature vs nurture. Both play a role in forming the individual. I come up against this all the time in my profession, and we can even make generalizations about behavioral differences based on sex, even when they are spayed or neutered. </p> https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/completely-ot-at-what-age-did-you-become-a-woman/page/3#post-247838 Tue, 09 Nov 2010 17:20:04 +0000 Sparky 247838@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ <p>Julie, many hugs your way for all you have been going through. And what a thoughtful question to raise and many thought-provoking and touching responses.</p> <p>I have a tough time with this question. For some reason, even though I am married, with kids, own a home, in my 40s, etc., I still don't quite feel like I am a grownup most of the time, but only still playing at the role. Even as a kid I was always the "mature &amp; responsible one" so somehow those qualities do not play into my definition of a Woman/Adult. I have much more self-confidence than I ever did when younger, and have a bit of that over-the-top mindset that Sara mentions and which I agree comes when you are completely comfortable in your own skin. But I still often wonder, "Am I making the right decision?" when there are tough decisions to make in life for my family or me, and because of that uncertainty, I do not match the decisive grown-up image I carry around in my head. Yes, my head knows that is exactly part of being an adult, yet at the same time I often feel that once the uncertainty about life decisions goes away, I'll be a "real grown up."</p> <p>*Whipping out the checkbook to write a check of $0 to Laura* </p> https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/completely-ot-at-what-age-did-you-become-a-woman/page/3#post-247810 Tue, 09 Nov 2010 16:42:28 +0000 RoseandJoan 247810@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ <p>Oh my word, 66 responses and each considered and varied.</p> <p>A few more thoughts on the subject. </p> <p>I have no aversion to the term Woman, I am an adult female and feel no contraints. I am happy to celebrate both my similarities and differences with those of the same sex. I do feel in the last six months I have emotionally matured to the point my young adult' self has been left behind. I am ready to embrace this chapter and any challenge which may come along.</p> <p>Lifes journeys are filled with immense highs and lows, each of which does leave a mark, we continue to change/ develop. evolve and I love this fluidity.</p> <p>I do not view the passage to adulthood (Womanhood) as purely biological. If this was the case the laws for the age of consent, marriage, drinking alcohol and driving would be universal. Biology certainly does play a factor, but sociology and phsychology really do play as important a role in my opinion. </p> https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/completely-ot-at-what-age-did-you-become-a-woman/page/3#post-247722 Tue, 09 Nov 2010 14:56:31 +0000 Barbara 247722@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ <p>Late Bloomer, I think the secret to a long and happy marriage is exactly what you said. You don't HAVE to do everything together!</p> <p>Hubbie and I have common interests AND separate hobbies too. For me it's fashion, for him it's all about CARS, although I love them too! And he totally respects my fashionista side. Been married for 34 years and I still like him! LOL </p> https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/completely-ot-at-what-age-did-you-become-a-woman/page/3#post-247717 Tue, 09 Nov 2010 14:47:33 +0000 Late Bloomer 247717@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ <p>What a beautiful touching discussion.</p> <p>I felt quite grown up when DH and I married. I'd just turned 20 and he 21. Looking back I know I wasn't grownup at all but I don't remember a time when I felt I'd shifted into grownupness. There was an awareness somewhere along the way that I'd never been alone and needed to get more of a sense of myself. I do think living on your own alone must be a good maturing experience that I missed. DH and I started dating 50 years ago and I wouldn't want to have missed any of those years. We don't have the kind of marriage where we have to do everything together but we always have each other to talk to or go do something fun with. But I think my interest in finding and dressing in my personal style is related to this identifying myself as individually me. </p> https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/completely-ot-at-what-age-did-you-become-a-woman/page/3#post-247615 Tue, 09 Nov 2010 07:21:44 +0000 Mae 247615@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ <p>I'm not sure we ever "become" but are always in the process of "becoming"...whatever (adult/woman/amoeba/person). I have greatly appreciated this thread and all of the sharing. Thank you.</p> <p>I have been thinking about this a lot lately, in the midst of taking on more leadership roles at work and having greater responsibilities and passion to make systemic change. In my late 30s, I am definitely in the process of becoming more.... confident, self-assured, direct, open. (Occasionally, the little girl inside me peeks out and wonders, who is this woman? ... That's when I know I have taken a step.)</p> <p>And, having a degree of confidence that inevitably comes with paying attention to one's personal style has bolstered this growth. Feeling good about what I am wearing (as shallow as that may be) helps to support my ability to take on new challenges and face them without fear. So, in a sense, style is playing a strong supporting role in my journey.</p> <p>And I love my black dress pants. </p> https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/completely-ot-at-what-age-did-you-become-a-woman/page/3#post-247478 Tue, 09 Nov 2010 03:31:26 +0000 Kate 247478@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ <p>Add me to team Maya, Hanna, and Patience. I think a lot of people go through major periods of personal growth when experiencing a great tragedy, having children, etc. And I don't think that being nurturing and taking care of others are inherently feminine attributes. </p> <p>Jonesy, thanks for adding the academic perspective. I think it's great when academia actually provides a way for non-academics to better understand their lives and the society they're in!</p> <p>I've gone through some more intense periods of personal growth (after a close friend's suicide, living with and supporting my boyfriend while he was unemployed for 4+ months). There are also some moments that have stuck with me and rapidly changed my perspective (when my parents were updating their will and asked if I would be my siblings' legal guardian if something happened to both of my parents, spending time in a shack settlement in South Africa). </p> https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/completely-ot-at-what-age-did-you-become-a-woman/page/3#post-247440 Tue, 09 Nov 2010 02:43:37 +0000 Patience 247440@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ <p>Here I am giggling in my kitchen because I'm on Team Maya and Hanna as well. But as Jonesy said, I interpreted the question as becoming a grown up. It seems unlikely that Julie would realize she had become a man. ;p </p> https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/completely-ot-at-what-age-did-you-become-a-woman/page/3#post-247436 Tue, 09 Nov 2010 02:34:54 +0000 Mo 247436@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ <p>Add me to the Peter Pan club as well! Even though the BF and I have responsibilities, we also have designed our lives with lots of personal freedom in mind. </p> https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/completely-ot-at-what-age-did-you-become-a-woman/page/2#post-247434 Tue, 09 Nov 2010 02:34:03 +0000 Aida 247434@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ <p>Steffie, I love your term "Peter Pan life", my husband and I are the same way </p> https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/completely-ot-at-what-age-did-you-become-a-woman/page/2#post-247430 Tue, 09 Nov 2010 02:28:58 +0000 Steffie 247430@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ <p>Wow, what an interesting discussion. And such a great example of why I love this site- that we can gab style and get to know each other, too!</p> <p>I still feel like a kid 99% of the time. If I appear adult, I assure you I feel like I am pretending. For the record- I am 32 years old. My hubby and I have very purposely built ourselves a Peter Pan life together, which is what we always wanted and is indeed a lot of fun. But more and more I feel left out from my friends who have moved on to their 'adult' lives. I'm not saying that I want any of it- but I do feel very different most of the time.</p> <p>Thank all of you for sharing these little bits of your lives with us. I'm lucky to be a witness to it and a part of this community. </p> https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/completely-ot-at-what-age-did-you-become-a-woman/page/2#post-247427 Tue, 09 Nov 2010 02:21:06 +0000 Jonesy 247427@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ <p>I interpreted the initial post to be about becoming an adult, and since I'm a female, I think of "woman" when I think of "adult." I'm not terribly connected to being "womanly" and I reject the stereotypical notion of "femininity," but I do enjoy the feeling of being in solidarity with other women. I feel like *that's* the spirit of this thread. </p> https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/completely-ot-at-what-age-did-you-become-a-woman/page/2#post-247426 Tue, 09 Nov 2010 02:14:08 +0000 Mo 247426@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ <p>Death of a parent didn't do it for me, I was still working through too much 'stuff' and quite frankly stuffing down my feelings. It wasn't until I'd made changes in my life - not changes that were thrust upon me, but ones I decided needed to happen to live a healthy, happy life - that I felt like a fully responsible adult woman. I could stand on my own all alone and be okay. It was frightening, and then enlightening, and then empowering. And it doesn't mean I can't be goofy or silly or that I have to be serious. Just that I *knew* I had crossed the threshold from extended adolescence into adulthood. Now my fashion just needs to catch up just a bit since it still seems to be a little young lol!! I partially blame that on 20 years of work uniforms </p> https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/completely-ot-at-what-age-did-you-become-a-woman/page/2#post-247425 Tue, 09 Nov 2010 02:13:51 +0000 Maya 247425@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ <p>If it's weird, then I'll be weird with you Hanna. I thought this thread was about the same thing when I first read the title :p</p> <p>I guess some things make me feel like an ADULT...but not a woman. But some things also make me feel like a kid, and that's ok. I'm pretty neutral.</p> <p>I think that's how it is for most people Taylor. Not odd at all. </p> https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/completely-ot-at-what-age-did-you-become-a-woman/page/2#post-247424 Tue, 09 Nov 2010 02:09:43 +0000 taylor 247424@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ <p>Oddly being pregnant and delivering babies did not make me feel more like a woman..<br /> .It was more of an emotional place for me than a physical place...I might be weird though") </p> https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/completely-ot-at-what-age-did-you-become-a-woman/page/2#post-247422 Tue, 09 Nov 2010 02:08:13 +0000 hanna 247422@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ <p>have to agree with maya; when i read the title of this thread, i thought you were asking when we got our first periods or something, and was like "hmm, that's a bit personal, even for ylf..."</p> <p>anyway, i'm not sure if this is the same as "being a woman," but i have felt far more grown up recently. coping with being home, switching jobs, paying off a car loan, the big hijab decision...it's all contributed to making me feel like i've finally become an adult. </p> <p>i guess to me, i never really questioned feeling like i've become a woman. i'm a woman already; like maya, i never really ascribed anything more to it than the purest of biological senses. is that weird? </p> https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/completely-ot-at-what-age-did-you-become-a-woman/page/2#post-247420 Tue, 09 Nov 2010 02:02:43 +0000 Maya 247420@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ <p>I don't disagree Taylor. I just don't see what it has to do with being a woman. Those incidents would affect me even if I were an amoeba. I can understand things like birthing children, since that is something specific to being a woman...but so are oral contraceptives and getting that first dreaded period or a training bra. None of those things fill me with emotion but that's as womanly as it gets...</p> <p>I guess as usual I am a cold scientific thinker and not an emotional thinker. Carry on... </p> https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/completely-ot-at-what-age-did-you-become-a-woman/page/2#post-247416 Tue, 09 Nov 2010 01:58:13 +0000 Kyle 247416@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ <p>For many people, tragedy equates with defining life moments. Losing my mother as a teenager was one of mine. Even though I was thrust into a situation for which I was completely unprepared, it did not cause me to immediately feel like a woman. For me, that came after I had been married for a few years, had an established career, and then had a baby at age 32. Motherhood was the real trigger for me. </p> https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/completely-ot-at-what-age-did-you-become-a-woman/page/2#post-247415 Tue, 09 Nov 2010 01:57:55 +0000 taylor 247415@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ <p>I think we are referring to life experience ~molds~ us as women Maya...You know the good the bad and the ugly.<br /> Not necessarily a catastrophic event, although until you truly experience something that changes your life ... example....death of a parent, spouse sibling , child, friend.... for example these things one cannot explain to someone else...you MUST experience them because it does profoundly change who you are as a women, person , human being, It just does... </p> https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/completely-ot-at-what-age-did-you-become-a-woman/page/2#post-247409 Tue, 09 Nov 2010 01:48:50 +0000 Maya 247409@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ <p>"Becoming a woman" to me is a biological process and nothing more. My entire life is a neverending evolution.</p> <p>I don't know. Something about that phrase just makes me cringe, and I can't place why. It might be my general aversion to defining myself too much by gender. </p> <p>Anyway, I find it interesting and a little sad that people equate catastrophic and tragic events in their life with "becoming a woman." Can one not be a woman until something horrible happens to them? If not, I'll gladly stay a girl. </p> https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/completely-ot-at-what-age-did-you-become-a-woman/page/2#post-247406 Tue, 09 Nov 2010 01:48:03 +0000 Jonesy 247406@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ <p>This is a very interesting and thoughtful thread. It's so touching to read about others' experiences of loss; I feel like I "know" each of you a bit better through these shared experiences, if that makes any sense. When women start talking to each other in this intimate way, I'm always blown away by the strength we have.</p> <p>Re. the question, from a personal perspective: I had some unusual experiences as a child that forced me to grow up and become independent at a young age. When I left home to attend college, I felt like a woman.</p> <p>From a more academic perspective, if anyone is interested (this topic touches on my research area): Scholars interested in theorizing about human development, particularly in Western, industrialized nations, are focusing on the time between adolescence and young adulthood as a transitional period that some have termed "emerging adulthood." This period, generally in the 20s, is experienced somewhat differently than it was, say, 50 years ago. In a nutshell, the argument is that, prior to our current period, people had roles that they would transition into (e.g., marriage and parenthood) that signified adulthood. Now, with these roles in flux (later marriage age, on average, with a significant percentage choosing to never marry, delayed childbearing, increase years devoted to schooling, etc.), and with the difficult economy, people in their 20s tend to feel not-quite adolescent but not-quite adult yet, and they describe adulthood as being about different internal characteristics, such as financial independence or "personal responsibility," rather than being about particular roles, as in previous generations. </p> https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/completely-ot-at-what-age-did-you-become-a-woman/page/2#post-247390 Tue, 09 Nov 2010 01:07:45 +0000 Sihaya 247390@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ <p>I just have to chime in again and say how moved and inspired I am by all that each of you have shared. Beth, thanks for the reminder of the girl of the woman inside - sometimes I think my life's responsibilities make me too intense. </p> https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/completely-ot-at-what-age-did-you-become-a-woman/page/2#post-247371 Tue, 09 Nov 2010 00:39:44 +0000 Beth 247371@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ <p>Interesting question. I think for me it's been related to knowing myself and realizing that only *I* am responsible for my happiness and my life. And you really, truly only get one chance. That's only happened since my mid-30s.</p> <p>Unlike many of you, I've been incredibly fortunate not to have had any huge life-changing losses yet. There's not yet been a day where the entire world changed in an instant for me. I know that it will happen at some point.</p> <p>There's a sibling to more immediate loss, though. It's the kind of loss that comes in small increments and slowly changes how you see yourself over time. Dealing with a divorce in my early 30s, fertility issues in my late 30s, and watching my parents age and struggle with getting older are a few things that have made me feel like a woman.</p> <p>At the same time, anyone who knows me will say I have a well-developed sense of the absurd, I love to laugh and be silly and I'm having a good time with my life. I hope never to lose the girl inside the woman (and I don't think it's likely!). </p> https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/completely-ot-at-what-age-did-you-become-a-woman/page/2#post-247359 Tue, 09 Nov 2010 00:21:53 +0000 Theresa 247359@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ <p>Girls you have all shared such personal aspects of your lives here and I'm actually close to tears at the beauty of such honesty. Thank you so much for sharing.</p> <p>As for me... Well growing up I was the eldest with 3 little brothers, so I was always the more grown up, and very mature one - Mum was emotionally unavailable our whole lives so I tended to take on that role in my brothers lives. I've always been told I'm quite mature for my age, and people who have only ever dealt with my by phone (at work for example), are often surprised by my actual age. But I still felt like a pretend grown up.</p> <p>However, 5 years ago I started taking some very drastic steps to change my life, and I think my real transition to womanhood began then. Then, 2 years ago when I made the decision to end my marriage, that's when the journey really leaped forward.</p> <p>Now, at 31, I can honestly say that I still have moments of feeling like I'm playing at being a grown up, but they are becoming few and far between. So I would say in the next year or two I will hit the point where I'm truly 100% feeling like a woman. </p> <p>Physically, turning 30 was fabulous - I found a new confidence, and turning 31 has just compounded on this - I actually really enjoy aging!</p> <p>Tara you actually sound like a younger version of me... I was itching to grow up, married the first serious boyfriend I had at 21 (that I found out later my parents had set me up with) and was miserable... The past 2 years has been the longest period of being single since I was 16, but also the very very best - I now KNOW how strong I am, and that I don't need a partner at all. I also know how to do things that I never thought I would learn how to do, and the reality is there is very little I CANT do if I set my mind to it! </p> https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/completely-ot-at-what-age-did-you-become-a-woman/page/2#post-247354 Tue, 09 Nov 2010 00:10:46 +0000 RandomThoughts (Andrea) 247354@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ <p>Very interesting question and responses! Laura touched on the problem I have in responding: What is a "woman"?</p> <p>I don't know. </p> <p>I feel like I know myself fairly well now. I know what I like, what I don't like and I can laugh at myself and admit when I've totally missed the mark. That feeling came at around age 34 or 35. I still often feel like I don't know what I'm doing, but then I think that is just part of growing and learning as a human being, which I don't think ever stops. Or at least it shouldn't! </p> https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/completely-ot-at-what-age-did-you-become-a-woman/page/2#post-247346 Tue, 09 Nov 2010 00:00:35 +0000 Dusty 247346@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ <p>Gosh, that's a tough one. I think I was more of a woman in many ways when I was 17 than I am now. Back then I was comfortable in my own skin, confident, sure of who I was and what I wanted. Now, well, I feel like I need to find myself all over again and I'm battling depression to boot </p> https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/completely-ot-at-what-age-did-you-become-a-woman/page/2#post-247315 Mon, 08 Nov 2010 23:39:09 +0000 Megan 247315@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ <p>I'm a month off 25 and still describe myself as a girl. I am a grad student who works with children (developmental psychology) and being in the uni environment both for study and work means I'm still in the 'student' phase of my life. </p> <p>However, my partner is MUCH older than I am (almost my parents age) and being with him, learning to make my own choices and stand by them even when other people disapprove has been a huge growing experience for me. </p> <p>In terms of style, I've definitely become more girly in the last year </p> <p>So, still a girl but taking steps to womanhood. </p> https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/completely-ot-at-what-age-did-you-become-a-woman/page/2#post-247313 Mon, 08 Nov 2010 23:37:39 +0000 Carole 247313@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ <p>I had to think about this for awhile...at first I thought you meant when was my first period....that's easy, but dealing with a family health crisis early in my life has made it seem I have always been a grown up. When most people are going off to college, dating and having fun, I was the only sibbling around to support my mother when my father was diagnosed with terminal cancer. He was given 6 months to live at the time. He lived 6 years in and out of the hospital frequently. Even though this was almost thirty years ago, it shaped my life more than I ever thought possible. It took me a long time to give myself permission to have fun and be happy. It's made me appreciate all the good things in my life so much more. </p> https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/completely-ot-at-what-age-did-you-become-a-woman/page/2#post-247304 Mon, 08 Nov 2010 23:20:30 +0000 Aida 247304@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ <p>Interesting question and even more interesting to read everyone's thoughts!</p> <p>I'm not sure it's such a clear cut thing. There are various types of maturity, some of which I have and some of which I'm sure I don't, but I'm not in a huge rush to get "there"; I'd hate to miss something, skip over some experiences, because I felt I need to be at some stage in life due to my age.</p> <p>That being said, I'm a pretty mature person and have nearly always been confident and looking to learn, to grow. I have a wonderful husband (married youngish, at 24), a house, a good job. I've had bad experiences and good. But either way I'm going to enjoy life and deal with anything that comes up as rationally as I am able (the engineer in me, I suppose), and learn what I can. I fully expect that this "becoming a true grown up" won't be a clear momentous occurrence but an ever evolving process. Though I also fully expect to remain childish in spirit, but not in reason </p>