https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/comment-from-doc-still-stings Style Advice for Fashion Lovers en-US Fri, 24 Apr 2026 15:44:59 +0000 http://bbpress.org/?v=1.0.2 q https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/search.php https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/comment-from-doc-still-stings/page/2#post-1498326 Fri, 29 May 2015 19:17:59 +0000 Isabel 1498326@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ <p>Doctors are so funny....and clinical. &nbsp;</p> <p>I am an "older" mom. &nbsp;I had my daughter 5 days after turning 39. &nbsp;The doctor, who I had also known for years, put down in my charts that it was a high risk , 40 year , old. &nbsp;I was 38 for my entire pregnancy. &nbsp;I would tell everyone, I am NOT 40. &nbsp; LOL ! &nbsp;But my pregnancy was very high risk for other reasons. &nbsp;I was sent to a specialist in the big city. &nbsp; They too kept saying I was 40. &nbsp;I finally said to one of the nurses, " I am not 40, I am 38. " &nbsp; Her reply, " For all intents and purposes in pregnancy, you might as well be 40. " &nbsp; &nbsp;</p> <p>Fast forward 5 years. &nbsp;I get breast cancer. &nbsp;And the whole script flips : &nbsp;"very young patient, early onset breast cancer." &nbsp;I had them write it all over my charts and make sure it was in the computer : &nbsp;YOUNG. &nbsp; &nbsp;: ) &nbsp; I am fine, btw.</p> <p>My point is that it depends on how the doctor is looking at it. &nbsp;Thankfully, you are healthy ! &nbsp; And the doctor is 20 years older too !</p> </p> https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/comment-from-doc-still-stings/page/2#post-1498298 Fri, 29 May 2015 18:47:13 +0000 Anonymous 1498298@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ <p>My dentist told me I need a bunch of crowns due to bone loss, but turned right around and said nothing has changed in my mouth and that I don't have periodontal disease. I went and had a bone density scan; nothing showed up. Time to look for another dentist.</p> <p>Many moons ago, my orthodontist jokingly told me that my face is not symmetrical. I already knew that, so he was just pointing out the obvious. I'd been hit in the nose twice when I was growing up (once by a basketball and once by a mean kid who wanted to butt in front of me in line to get on the bus, so <i>of course</i> my nose isn't straight! At least he followed up by saying that no one has a symmetrical face. Still, why say it in the first place? </p> https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/comment-from-doc-still-stings/page/2#post-1497068 Wed, 27 May 2015 04:45:13 +0000 karymk 1497068@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ <p>Gulp. &nbsp;I feel for ya. &nbsp;Last time I went to the dermatologist she used the words "peau d'orange" to describe my chin area--</p> <p>At the periodontist he used words like "recession, bone loss, stabilize"...</p> <p>We need to wear a tee shirt when we go to our docs that says,"Warning: Handle With Care" or something...</p> https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/comment-from-doc-still-stings/page/2#post-1496182 Mon, 25 May 2015 17:05:53 +0000 Anonymous 1496182@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ <p>I agree that your doc probably meant no offense, but the comment still lacked tact. It's like the dermatolisr who told me I need to erase fine lines (I already look quite young for my age; he just wanted to sell me something) and my rheumatologist who insensitively told me that OA pain is my "new normal." Comments like those are not appreciated! </p> https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/comment-from-doc-still-stings/page/2#post-1496107 Mon, 25 May 2015 14:57:33 +0000 Irene 1496107@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ <p>Just remembered, I once had a dentist tell me my mouth was in sh** condition. With the Spanish equivalent to those words. It was a one-off thing, and never went back there. And I know it's beside the point, but at that point I didn't even have cavities -I have one now-, and my natural alignment was pretty good considering the average mouth.</p> <p> </p> https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/comment-from-doc-still-stings/page/2#post-1495699 Sun, 24 May 2015 16:02:58 +0000 rachylou 1495699@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ <p>Lol. Sorry! Can't help it. Reminds me of *man-dog baby.* I worked with this biologist once. Well one day, we're just being social and she starts talking to me about *man-dog baby* - <i>How this guy had a baby with a dog! and how this was true</i>!</p> <p>I was like, <i>Hello! Are you not a person of science? What are you talking about?</i></p> <p>An education only goes so far.</p> https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/comment-from-doc-still-stings/page/2#post-1495495 Sat, 23 May 2015 20:46:48 +0000 retailgirl 1495495@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ <p>I've had lots of experiences with doctors and you do have to remember that their focus is on the disease and how to take care of it...they're problem solvers. If you find one who is empathetic, and there are plenty, that's great. I remember when I was about 40 I asked a doctor about something and he said it was "common in people OUR age"....I thought he was pretty ancient and was shocked to find out we were the same age. I recently started to see a nurse practioner in my OBGYN's office, and she has the loveliest manner. I asked her how she maintained it and she said she tried to connect with her patients as people. Can't be easy for them! I admire those who choose medicine as a career. </p> https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/comment-from-doc-still-stings/page/2#post-1495492 Sat, 23 May 2015 20:31:43 +0000 retailgirl 1495492@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ <p>I've had lots of experiences with doctors and you do have to remember that their focus is on the disease and how to take care of it...they're problem solvers. If you find one who is empathetic, and there are plenty, that's great. I remember when I was about 40 I asked a doctor about something and he said it was "common in people OUR age"....I thought he was pretty ancient and was shocked to find out we were the same age. I recently started to see a nurse practioner in my OBGYN's office, and she has the loveliest manner. I asked her how she maintained it and she said she tried to connect with her patients as people. Can't be easy for them! I admire those who choose medicine as a career. </p> https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/comment-from-doc-still-stings/page/2#post-1495297 Sat, 23 May 2015 06:11:18 +0000 deb 1495297@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ <p>I just remembered something a surgeon once said to me. I was probably around 51 and I found a lump in my breast. My PCP sent me to a woman surgeon. At that time I had had 15 surgeries and naturally listed them all on my intake paperwork. I had com from work and was dressed in business attire, suit, heels, you know the bit. Well anyway, she walked into the room, looked at her paper work, looked at me, looked at her paper work and stated "I expected to see a decrepit old woman after&nbsp;reading this and&nbsp;now I see you". Then she introduced herself. I still am not sure how to take it but it makes me laugh every time I think of it. Oh, and the biopsy showed the lump was benign. </p> https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/comment-from-doc-still-stings/page/2#post-1495244 Sat, 23 May 2015 00:52:56 +0000 Freckles 1495244@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ <p>In my younger years I went to a specialist with a particular style of doctoring and he referred me to other doctors rather than my gp. &nbsp;I found most of them to have the same style and if they had a different style he forwarned me. &nbsp;One of the best doctors I have ever had did not have this style or a complimentary personality to mine but every time I went to see him I reminded myself beforehand so did not take his style or words into account. &nbsp;It's quite different when taken aback by someone you have been seeing as you don't have the check point in place beforehand and we are all in a somewhat sensitive position at the doctors office.<br />At the moment I am involved in a study done by a hospital on people who are have had a certain medical condition for over fifty years. &nbsp;When speaking to one of the team yesterday he said something about age and when I said I was 55 he exclaimed, oh just a youngster. &nbsp;Perspective is everything isn't it.... </p> https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/comment-from-doc-still-stings/page/2#post-1495229 Sat, 23 May 2015 00:19:31 +0000 Carole 1495229@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ <p>Thank you all for your thoughts....I am happy to be getting older (considering the alternative) I think it's just the comment plus other thoughts and feelings at this point in my life that caused me to feel insulted. I think anyone approaching 60 can most likely relate. It's probably not a coincidence that my father died at the age I am now which was a devastating experience. All these things come into play... I read something that resonated with me and will share it with you...</p> <p>Always be kind, for everyone you meet is fighting a hard battle.</p> <p>Doctors and patients included:) </p> https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/comment-from-doc-still-stings/page/2#post-1495210 Fri, 22 May 2015 23:45:09 +0000 unfrumped 1495210@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ <p>I'm also thinking that sometimes, someone might say&nbsp;something to indicate amazement at how long&nbsp;patient and&nbsp;doctor&nbsp;been "seeing each other"--that happens for me sometimes but I&nbsp;&nbsp;always tie in with time passing for me, too, such as remarking on kids grown up, reminisce about something, or some such.&nbsp; </p> https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/comment-from-doc-still-stings/page/2#post-1495188 Fri, 22 May 2015 22:32:14 +0000 Classically Casual 1495188@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ <p>Given all the opportunities we have now to "review" our encounter with a physician after the visit for the world to see, I would guess she'd be receiving some feedback from patients if this is a consistent habit.</p> <p>My own experience is that they're so polite and tactful it's difficult to glean much useful information.</p> <p>And maybe she just was sleep deprived and mis-spoke.</p> https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/comment-from-doc-still-stings/page/2#post-1495144 Fri, 22 May 2015 20:41:49 +0000 deb 1495144@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ <p>Another thought, aren't you glad you are 'getting up there'? To me that is a victory. </p> https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/comment-from-doc-still-stings/page/2#post-1494929 Fri, 22 May 2015 11:37:33 +0000 crutcher 1494929@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ <p>A very insensitive remark from someone we should hope will have a caring bedside manner...<br />I guess I would have just laughed and said "Whatever..." blowing it off...<br />Too often getting that MD doesn't include tact.. </p> https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/comment-from-doc-still-stings#post-1494890 Fri, 22 May 2015 07:02:38 +0000 lyn* 1494890@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ <p>An interesting thread for me, for sure ... I generally have a pretty quippy manner about me, but I think sometimes people take what I say out of context and may take offense to it. It works better if they confront me about it, and so I can clarify and/or apologize as needed right away, vs. let it fester and affect our therapeutic relationship.</p> <p>I always encourage patients to tell me if something I am saying is bringing up feelings or making them feel uncomfortable or even really comfortable. Feedback is important for the type of work that we do.</p> <p>As a patient, I had a doc who told me that I needed to lose more weight, and she pulled out pictures of her daughter who was modelling for Chanel at the time: "Isn't she beautiful?" and held up a perfume ad to my face. I never have forgotten THAT experience. </p> https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/comment-from-doc-still-stings#post-1494868 Fri, 22 May 2015 05:22:11 +0000 Adelfa 1494868@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ <p>When I was 29 I was starting to have some gall bladder problems and my doctor explained to me that these tended to afflict those who were fair, fat, and 40. I was neither fair nor fat, so he addressed the age issue. "The good news is, you're not there yet. The bad part is, you're getting there."</p> <p>What? Me? Getting near 40 at 29? Only in the technical sense! I was astounded and have never forgotten his remark!</p> <p>So I definitely get at least a little bit how your doctor's remark might have struck you!</p> <p>Doctors do think about age in their own clinical way. My best friend, a physician, has at times talked about my age in a way that took me aback somewhat, even though I knew what was happening. I guess medically it's not completely great to be in our 50s! </p> https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/comment-from-doc-still-stings#post-1494857 Fri, 22 May 2015 04:07:14 +0000 Gaylene 1494857@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ <p>Random, careless comments do have the potential to sting, but I think it's important to consider the context and intent. I know the intent of everyone here is to be supportive, but, as I'm reading these comments, I'm thinking there are a few doctors in our midst who might be getting stung by some of these words.</p> <p>I like Angie's gentle reminder that doctors need to be, first and foremost, analytical and factual in practicing their profession. Sensitivities are personal, and often private, so it's hard to see how your doctor could have predicted your response unless you have discussed your feelings about aging with her in previous sessions. </p> https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/comment-from-doc-still-stings#post-1494840 Fri, 22 May 2015 03:25:50 +0000 Em 1494840@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ <p>I gotta give ya some lessons, Carole! That's why I don't normally post on this forum ;-), but couldn't help it seeing you hurt. Just wanted to put a smile on your face and tell you that you don't have to put up with this! </p> https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/comment-from-doc-still-stings#post-1494805 Fri, 22 May 2015 01:37:56 +0000 Carole 1494805@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ <p>Em-I'm so sorry you have to make frequent trips to the doctor and it's crazy that he hasn't picked up on your hints...bravo for speaking up! I wish I was quicker on my feet! Next time I will hopefully be prepared for get to clarify what she means! </p> https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/comment-from-doc-still-stings#post-1494793 Fri, 22 May 2015 00:50:50 +0000 Em 1494793@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ <p>You know, Carole, they're disgusting! I'm unfortunate enough to have to go to doctors for the past 6 years. Guess what the male nurse tells me every time I go: How are WE doing? 80% of the time I respond: I'm fine, but I don't know about you. How are YOU?! You'd think he'd get a hint and stop, right?! Noooo! Next time I may tell him: WE're feeling terrible!</p> <p>First of all, I'm not a 100. Second of all, even if I were a 100, I still wouldn't appreciate this condescending tone! </p> https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/comment-from-doc-still-stings#post-1494786 Fri, 22 May 2015 00:28:49 +0000 Carole 1494786@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ <p>Rambling Ann and Em ...thanks for that , lol:)</p> <p>Unfrumoed , exactly! If she had followed "wow your really getting up there" with "its time for this or to do that", I wouldn't have even given it another thought </p> https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/comment-from-doc-still-stings#post-1494782 Fri, 22 May 2015 00:21:10 +0000 Em 1494782@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ <p>I would've said: Do you think you're getting DOWN there? </p> https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/comment-from-doc-still-stings#post-1494775 Thu, 21 May 2015 23:43:21 +0000 unfrumped 1494775@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ <p>I agree no insult was intended, but "getting up there" was a bit non-specific and maybe too non-medical --that's what would annoy me, it sounds more like what a lay person would say or be on one of those awful birthday cards and therefore harder to fit it in with my doctor's plans for my health.&nbsp;Like, right, okay, what do you want me to <u>do</u> about it? Would have been better if she had linked it to, you're this or that age, that means it is time for screening for this, or time to review for any symptoms of that, or review diet and exercise, or something. So I agree, it actually means nothing, but it didn't sound right. Maybe it's all part of the casualization of conversation, too, so trying not to use medicalese, but I'd prefer more. I'm taking notes, too! </p> https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/comment-from-doc-still-stings#post-1494772 Thu, 21 May 2015 23:31:01 +0000 Rambling Ann 1494772@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ <p>A great joke:</p> <p>What do they call the person who finished last place in medical school?</p> <p>Doctor. </p> https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/comment-from-doc-still-stings#post-1494771 Thu, 21 May 2015 23:30:36 +0000 Carole 1494771@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ <p>You are so right, Angie. I know she didn't mean to offend me but I guess it was just the words she used or something that just rubbed me the wrong way. I'm not angry, just ultra sensitive, I guess, about aging. </p> <p>Thanks for the group hug, everyone. </p> https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/comment-from-doc-still-stings#post-1494751 Thu, 21 May 2015 22:42:21 +0000 Angie 1494751@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ <p>I agree 100% with DEB. </p> <p>Carole, it was a medical and analytical observation that puts you into a specific physiological segment - like menapause. And nothing more than that. Don't give it a second thought.&nbsp;</p> <p>My OBGYN said I was old to fall pregnant at 35 because my eggs were old. The female body is meant to bear children at a younger age because it's healthier all round that way (for you and the baby). Although women tend to start families older than a generation ago, the female reproductive system was not designed to do it. It's a physiological fact. So I didn't take offense at all.&nbsp;</p> <p>Some doctors have better bedside manners than others, Carole. Onward and upward. (((HUGS))).&nbsp;</p> https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/comment-from-doc-still-stings#post-1494746 Thu, 21 May 2015 22:28:21 +0000 Carole 1494746@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ <p>Donnat, just missed your post...I'm glad it's not just me who thinks this way...I am a sensitive person, but I don't think that's so unusual especially at my age (tongue in cheek) </p> https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/comment-from-doc-still-stings#post-1494743 Thu, 21 May 2015 22:26:01 +0000 Carole 1494743@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ <p>Thank you, everyone, for letting me vent..I appreciate all the great advise and understanding:)</p> <p>Diana-I've always been unable to make a quick comeback..,have to stew over things a bit. </p> <p>Abc-good point, how something is delivered can make all the difference...I'm not angry or anything-just felt it was rude...</p> <p>Irene...she's probably 10 years older</p> <p>SW Ann-I'm not quick on the uptake either, first it has to sink in and eat at me a little but "exactly what do you mean" would have been a good thing to say...I think then she would have realized it might not have been the most appropriate thing to say. Thank you!</p> <p>Torontogirl...thank you for understanding...everyone's comments are totally right on...just needed to vent with my fab friends!</p> <p>Celia-I guess I would have thought a female doctor would be more sensitive! </p> https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/comment-from-doc-still-stings#post-1494737 Thu, 21 May 2015 21:44:36 +0000 donnat 1494737@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ <p>I think your doctor has no bedside manner. I don't think they teach tact in medical school. I would definately take the comment with a grain of salt. I am sure no insult was intended, she may have been unintentionally projecting her own age insecurities on to you. </p>