YouLookFab Forum » Topic: Clothes Psychology:aka "who does she think she is?"

YouLookFab Forum » Topic: Clothes Psychology:aka "who does she think she is?" https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/clothes-psychologyaka-who-does-she-think-she-is Style Advice for Fashion Lovers en-US Fri, 03 Apr 2026 18:32:39 +0000 http://bbpress.org/?v=1.0.2 <![CDATA[Search]]> q https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/search.php Traci on "Clothes Psychology:aka "who does she think she is?"" https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/clothes-psychologyaka-who-does-she-think-she-is/page/2#post-1619818 Tue, 23 Feb 2016 23:07:51 +0000 Traci 1619818@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ Jenn, I love the idea of a who do you think you are challenge! Beth Ann on "Clothes Psychology:aka "who does she think she is?"" https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/clothes-psychologyaka-who-does-she-think-she-is/page/2#post-1619811 Tue, 23 Feb 2016 23:02:46 +0000 Beth Ann 1619811@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ I understand your dilemma Traci, partly because I've shared it.  I think I struggle in part because I imagine that only young, very beautiful women, have the right to dress magnificently (Like the woman in Jenn's pic).  I know this is rubbish, really, but these sorts of feelings come from a deep place, and can't just be ignored.  I love that pushed through and wore the jacket, and have been thoughtful about how you wish to respond to these feelings.    And how wonderful that your daughter is encouraging you! Jenn on "Clothes Psychology:aka "who does she think she is?"" https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/clothes-psychologyaka-who-does-she-think-she-is/page/2#post-1619803 Tue, 23 Feb 2016 22:50:55 +0000 Jenn 1619803@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ I'm going to try wearing bright lipstick more regularly. Maybe we should do a "Who do you think you are?" challenge. (That phrase totally reminds me of one of son's favorite memes. "<a rel="nofollow" href="https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=gKQOXYB2cd8">Who do you think you are? I am!</a>") catgirl on "Clothes Psychology:aka "who does she think she is?"" https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/clothes-psychologyaka-who-does-she-think-she-is/page/2#post-1619739 Tue, 23 Feb 2016 21:05:45 +0000 catgirl 1619739@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ I haven't commented here because I have so much to say and no time to say it!  But I want to be sure to let you know how fantastic you look. Lyn D. on "Clothes Psychology:aka "who does she think she is?"" https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/clothes-psychologyaka-who-does-she-think-she-is/page/2#post-1619728 Tue, 23 Feb 2016 20:55:57 +0000 Lyn D. 1619728@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ I so enjoyed this thread-Thanks! On a recent holiday I was the lady in the cobalt coat amongst a sea of black. In the end I purchased a new black one, but it was more a matter of coat-style than being the odd one out. I will wear my new leather jacket with more confidence (when the weather here allows) after reading your resolve Traci. Anonymous on "Clothes Psychology:aka "who does she think she is?"" https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/clothes-psychologyaka-who-does-she-think-she-is/page/2#post-1619724 Tue, 23 Feb 2016 20:38:18 +0000 Anonymous 1619724@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ traci, I'm going to wear my leather jacket more TOO, and see how it feels. Rabbit, this comment of yours:  I went through a skirt wearing phase - often with refined shoes, and got over feeling 'too dressed up' running daily errands. I think I'm going to try something like this! Barbara Diane on "Clothes Psychology:aka "who does she think she is?"" https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/clothes-psychologyaka-who-does-she-think-she-is/page/2#post-1619701 Tue, 23 Feb 2016 19:02:45 +0000 Barbara Diane 1619701@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ I love that your choice was to go for it and try it, and to learn from the experience.  Alassë on "Clothes Psychology:aka "who does she think she is?"" https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/clothes-psychologyaka-who-does-she-think-she-is/page/2#post-1619663 Tue, 23 Feb 2016 17:50:55 +0000 Alassë 1619663@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ Great insights, Traci! Gaylene on "Clothes Psychology:aka "who does she think she is?"" https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/clothes-psychologyaka-who-does-she-think-she-is/page/2#post-1619661 Tue, 23 Feb 2016 17:49:44 +0000 Gaylene 1619661@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ Smittie, that picture is fascinating because it so reflects the feelings and reactions which surface when someone deliberately, or even unconsciously, dresses outside the environmental norms. Putting oneself out there does create interest--positive and negative. I guess it's up to each of us to decide how far we want to push boundries and how sensitive we are to others' reactions. While I love the "you go girl" support that exists on YLF, I often wonder if the wearer continues to push the boundries after the initial attempt. It's not easy to be the woman in the red dress. viva on "Clothes Psychology:aka "who does she think she is?"" https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/clothes-psychologyaka-who-does-she-think-she-is/page/2#post-1619651 Tue, 23 Feb 2016 17:42:52 +0000 viva 1619651@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ I love that you took off the leather jacket and noticed your increased comfort with the cardigan. But I love even more your idea to wear your leather jackets MORE in order to encourage your own comfort with them. I love that you know the woman you want to be and that you are taking the steps to get there. There is a huge lesson in this for me, for many aspects of my life. Traci on "Clothes Psychology:aka "who does she think she is?"" https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/clothes-psychologyaka-who-does-she-think-she-is/page/2#post-1619644 Tue, 23 Feb 2016 17:37:27 +0000 Traci 1619644@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ Just for a little update of how the day went... First off, I have to say that you are all such an insightful group.  I think someone very early on in the discussion pointed out that the leather jacket may be the thing going on here.  I didn't realize how true this was until I was halfway through the day.  Before I left the house I layered a cropped, cashmere cardi under the jacket for warmth.  As we ran around the mall I shed the leather jacket for comfort...and I felt so much less conspicuous in doing so. My thought yesterday was that maybe the leather is just too much for me and I need to give upon the idea.  Reading your responses today has given me the opposite outlook.  I think I'm going to start wearing my leather jackets all the time, even around the house with my pjs.  I WANT to be a woman who wears leather jackets.  I always admire a woman in a smart leather jacket, on the forums and in real life.  I've spent too many hours drooling over Danier's website (rip?) to decide that I need to give up on being a girl in a leather jacket. For several years I bought a few different stiff leather jackets and I always told myself my discomfort with leather was purely physical.  But I've now come to own two very nice, supple, comfortable leather jackets and I know that my physical comfort is not the deterrent here. rabbit on "Clothes Psychology:aka "who does she think she is?"" https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/clothes-psychologyaka-who-does-she-think-she-is/page/2#post-1619634 Tue, 23 Feb 2016 17:26:22 +0000 rabbit 1619634@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ I love what Isabel says and I think this is great and true: Everywhere you go you become part of that scene, for yourself and other people. If you've been a little creative with your clothes it's a contribution as long as it doesn't prevent you from being a positive presence. When I go to the areas of my city where people dress creatively I enjoy watching the people walking by just as I would enjoy a flower bed in the front lawn of a house I'm passing. Beauty is for the person who cultivates it, but also for every beholder. rabbit on "Clothes Psychology:aka "who does she think she is?"" https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/clothes-psychologyaka-who-does-she-think-she-is/page/2#post-1619629 Tue, 23 Feb 2016 17:19:44 +0000 rabbit 1619629@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ I'd add onto what smittie says, maybe someone needs to consistently dress up for a period of time, a couple of days a week for a month.   If it's something you want to do, it just needs to become habitual and comfortable through practice. Then once your mind is accustomed, you can add it to the repertoire of looks, it doesn't need to be an all the time thing. I think this is what I basically did two years ago, I went through a skirt wearing phase - often with refined shoes, and got over feeling 'too dressed up' running daily errands.  Now I don't wear them quite as much for practical reasons, but when I do, I don't feel self-conscious about it, they are my clothes as much as jeans are.  The woman in the red dress is a good illustration of concept, but I'm thinking in real life the woman in the picture is a model doing a fashion shoot, so the gawkers are probably first and foremost thinking 'wow she's tall' Anonymous on "Clothes Psychology:aka "who does she think she is?"" https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/clothes-psychologyaka-who-does-she-think-she-is/page/2#post-1619625 Tue, 23 Feb 2016 17:14:13 +0000 Anonymous 1619625@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ You don't look showy or over the top to me, and even if you did, I'd still like it because I've realized I like that kind of thing.  I enjoy every possible expression except dangerously underdressed or dirty. I've been practicing reserving my harsh judgement self for bad behavior and laying off any appearance criticism nastiness. Try gently but firmly redirecting yourself just like you would a child. There may be a psychological aspect that merits further examination but if the behavior is bothering you, actually practicing a different response can really help. Everywhere you go you become part of that scene, for yourself and other people. If you've been a little creative with your clothes it's a contribution as long as it doesn't prevent you from being a positive presence. Anonymous on "Clothes Psychology:aka "who does she think she is?"" https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/clothes-psychologyaka-who-does-she-think-she-is/page/2#post-1619610 Tue, 23 Feb 2016 16:29:07 +0000 Anonymous 1619610@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ Hmmm....I'm looking at that picture you posted, Jenn. What happens if that woman in the red dress doesn't like the looks of the other women, and then decides she's going to wear something that fits in with her environmental norm the next day? In this scenario, the woman no longer seems like the confident woman in the picture. So what I'm thinking is that in order to pull off the red dress (ie: to pull off a dressy look that is outside your environmental norm, or outside your normal look), you need to consistently dress up.  I think this is where I fail: some days I like to dress up, and other days i don't. I think I need to stick with dressy every day. Jenn on "Clothes Psychology:aka "who does she think she is?"" https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/clothes-psychologyaka-who-does-she-think-she-is#post-1619601 Tue, 23 Feb 2016 15:59:25 +0000 Jenn 1619601@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ Traci, I suspect I have some of the weight-related issues in regard to this, too. I know it's crazy-thinking, but every time I click through to the "perfect" item that doesn't come in my size (and it happens a lot when you're not in the middle of the size range), there's a little voice inside that says I don't deserve to have nice things. I really came to post this image I saw on Pinterest today, though. It made me laugh at how perfectly it encapsulated that "who does she thinks she is?" feeling. Source: <a rel="nofollow" href="https://www.flickr.com/photos/elena-lu/4226645104/in/album-72157621776793278/">https://www.flickr.com/photos/.....776793278/</a> Aquamarine on "Clothes Psychology:aka "who does she think she is?"" https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/clothes-psychologyaka-who-does-she-think-she-is#post-1619550 Tue, 23 Feb 2016 12:58:13 +0000 Aquamarine 1619550@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ Wow, there is so much STUFF in this thread. Traci, I struggle with this too. As a stay-at-home Mom for 20 years, and even now back to work in an age and industry where no one seems to care what you wear, it's been a slightly depressing journey. I often feel, 'why bother' or even like a poseur when I think about stepping outside the cultural norm and wearing my riding boots or a nice jacket, for heaven's sake. Obviously if we are here at YLF, we care and are interested in clothing and how it represents us. But I admit it can feel like a battle sometimes, when the the dress up occasions are few and far between and it seems like everyone around me has either given up or implies it's vain to care about how you look. I don't want to overstep, but could you be a bit depressed? It sounds like you have a lot on your plate, and when I have a lot of emotional stuff on my plate, I know I can feel down and much less likely to care. Then it becomes a real struggle to wear something "nice," almost like it takes too much mental energy to out an outfit together *and* own it, too. Summer on "Clothes Psychology:aka "who does she think she is?"" https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/clothes-psychologyaka-who-does-she-think-she-is#post-1619523 Tue, 23 Feb 2016 10:45:19 +0000 Summer 1619523@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ You look wonderful in this outfit, Traci.  Daughters can be very helpful at pushing us out of our comfort zones. Talking of hospital visits, my DH was once horrified that I was wearing a particular pair of smart boots to visit a friend in hospital ( I don't think he was worried about the germs).  Why wouldn't I dress nicely to visit?  I hoped to cheer up my friend, not depress her with a grungy outfit!   Gigi on "Clothes Psychology:aka "who does she think she is?"" https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/clothes-psychologyaka-who-does-she-think-she-is#post-1619517 Tue, 23 Feb 2016 08:09:41 +0000 Gigi 1619517@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ Really nice outfit! You look outstanding. Your thread makes me realize how far I have come with my style and what it has done for me as a person. The stuff I wear now I would never have worn just a few years ago. I made little changes over a long period, which helped me adjust more easily. Even so, it can be difficult. The other day, I went to a meeting of my church group, and I wore some booties that I consider to be a little rocker-ish, or harder edge. I was a little afraid of what people would think. But I asked myself whether the booties would be inappropriate, and the answer was no. So I wore them, and the sky didn't fall. Caro in Oz on "Clothes Psychology:aka "who does she think she is?"" https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/clothes-psychologyaka-who-does-she-think-she-is#post-1619412 Tue, 23 Feb 2016 01:24:39 +0000 Caro in Oz 1619412@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ Your daughter is fabulous & I totally agree with Denise - YLF :)  April on "Clothes Psychology:aka "who does she think she is?"" https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/clothes-psychologyaka-who-does-she-think-she-is#post-1619361 Mon, 22 Feb 2016 23:46:32 +0000 April 1619361@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ I would say our cultural norm at the moment is to "dress" for work or other "important" events and the rest of the time, just wear whatever we might wear to wash the car or go to an exercise class. I for one thank you from the bottom of my heart for resisting that norm.  Nothing wrong with gear when you're doing things (like washing the car or going to an exercise class) that require gear, but as a fashion norm, it's so visually *boring.*   Traci on "Clothes Psychology:aka "who does she think she is?"" https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/clothes-psychologyaka-who-does-she-think-she-is#post-1619283 Mon, 22 Feb 2016 21:06:20 +0000 Traci 1619283@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ I do think you're onto something, CocoL. I remember when I was a stay at home mom a few years ago, I would look on with envy at the working moms who "had a reason" to dress nicely. Well, that's silly because I didn't need a reason to dress nicely. Maybe I'm slipping back into that way of thinking since I'm not going into work while I'm taking care of my daughter. Actually, that reminds me of another interesting dilemma from a couple of months ago. I hadn't been to my office in 3+ months and they had hired a couple of people while I've been out. I had a day of work planned and really struggled with what to wear. I really wanted to be comfortable, in leggings and a tunic sweater, but also stressed about meeting people in a work setting for the first time dressed so casually. I have a work wardrobe that feels like me, but it feels odd to wear it when I'm not at work. Thank you all for going on my navel gazing journey with me. I'm always fascinated when I catch myself feeling a way that I don't rationally agree with. I don't consider myself afraid of attention at all, so this is a weird thing to realize that I'm so conscious of avoiding attention. I suspect there are some deep seated weight related issues here too. 3pm and the shirt is still tucked:) CocoLion on "Clothes Psychology:aka "who does she think she is?"" https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/clothes-psychologyaka-who-does-she-think-she-is#post-1619262 Mon, 22 Feb 2016 20:31:39 +0000 CocoLion 1619262@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ I think you look great and I do not read this as "trying too hard" at all.  I read it as, "fashion aware" which I respect.  I will admit to thinking things like, "has given up" or "bad taste" when in public and looking at other women.  For example, standing in line at Starbucks.  I live in a small community that is not fashion-oriented, I do not see a lot of inspiring personal style but if I saw you I would look admiringly. "Has given up" doesn't need much explanation, we know it when we see it.  There's the given up but neat and clean (the majority of what I see) and there's the given up and doesn't care about grooming. "Bad taste" is quite subjective but I think ill-fitting clothing gets you there quickest. I am glad you wrote this thread and are working through this feeling.  I just have to say again, I wish more women dressed like you.  Do you ever feel self-conscious because caring/being fashionable/a bit trendy makes you feel vain?  As if the "given up but still neat and clean" is the proper roll for busy women and Moms. RoseandJoan on "Clothes Psychology:aka "who does she think she is?"" https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/clothes-psychologyaka-who-does-she-think-she-is#post-1619257 Mon, 22 Feb 2016 20:25:49 +0000 RoseandJoan 1619257@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ Traci, you really do look great. Another thought to throw into the mix, just as it can take time for our eye to adjust to a new trend it can take time for our minds eye to adjust to wearing a trend. Wearing a look is the only real way to test our tolerance. Marina on "Clothes Psychology:aka "who does she think she is?"" https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/clothes-psychologyaka-who-does-she-think-she-is#post-1619252 Mon, 22 Feb 2016 20:14:57 +0000 Marina 1619252@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ Traci, you look very very well in this outfit and perfectly appropriate, as you said yourself. Congratulate your daughter on that ;) Reading your post I remembered a friend of mine who used to feel ok about looking good but would feel very anxious about looking "too good". Deep down she had very complicated and uncomfortable feelings about looking "too good" because that could mean attracting too much attention (and being wrongly judged by that). Maybe by some deep/inner reason you feel a little bad about looking too good too or afraid of calling too much attention? [I don't really know you, so please forgive if I'm intruding or being indelicate in some way, that's not my intention...]. rachylou on "Clothes Psychology:aka "who does she think she is?"" https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/clothes-psychologyaka-who-does-she-think-she-is#post-1619241 Mon, 22 Feb 2016 19:53:55 +0000 rachylou 1619241@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ Huh. You know, actually, that you mention it - I can imagine someone asking me where I'm going in that cute outfit. But I work in a bakery on the production side. This is an outfit you might only see someone in at the company party. Otherwise, you know, we only see eachother - and ourselves - in hairnets. Not a criticism or even a suggestion of uppityness... just an idea of what one does... that reminds me of one of my fave YLF lessons I ever learned: take a real look at how you spend your time. What we focus on isn't always reflective... Sal on "Clothes Psychology:aka "who does she think she is?"" https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/clothes-psychologyaka-who-does-she-think-she-is#post-1619229 Mon, 22 Feb 2016 19:18:51 +0000 Sal 1619229@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ Very interesting thread, i do know the feeling! I think it is a great look that really suits you-maybe the first WIW I have seen from you? It will be interesting to see how the day went, and if you want to repeat the outfit. I hope you do- you certainly deserve to look great!! Traci on "Clothes Psychology:aka "who does she think she is?"" https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/clothes-psychologyaka-who-does-she-think-she-is#post-1619159 Mon, 22 Feb 2016 18:11:27 +0000 Traci 1619159@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ This thread has helped me realize I'm not the only one who feels a little flashy in a leather jacket. I love the look on others and don't find it flashy at all when I see someone else in leather, but on me it feels like a big deal. Anonymous on "Clothes Psychology:aka "who does she think she is?"" https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/clothes-psychologyaka-who-does-she-think-she-is#post-1619145 Mon, 22 Feb 2016 17:40:16 +0000 Anonymous 1619145@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ That's true for me too, Gaylene. I often don't want to be complimented and would prefer to just blend in. Diana on "Clothes Psychology:aka "who does she think she is?"" https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/clothes-psychologyaka-who-does-she-think-she-is#post-1619142 Mon, 22 Feb 2016 17:33:09 +0000 Diana 1619142@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ Well, I think you look great and perfectly appropriate.  (But, to Mochi's point, I also live in Boston.) I can't remember where I saw it, but I read somewhere recently that it takes two weeks of dressing differently than the environmental norm before everyone (both yourself and your co-workers/peers/etc) stops noticing.  I think that was in reference to dressing differently at work/among a fixed set of people and not the world in general, but I do think the advice holds true.  You get used to it.  It might take more than 2 weeks (maybe more like the 21 days to make/break a habit?) but it does happen.