https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/chiming-in-against-the-tide Style Advice for Fashion Lovers en-US Thu, 16 Apr 2026 10:54:06 +0000 http://bbpress.org/?v=1.0.2 q https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/search.php https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/chiming-in-against-the-tide/page/2#post-865915 Sun, 03 Mar 2013 05:11:31 +0000 annaj 865915@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ <p>I assumed this forum was ABOUT gathering other opinions so that we could make our own choices in a more informed manner. I am quite happy to offer a different viewpoint and suggest "points to consider". I hope as a newby that I don't come across as simply critical and judgemental, as that is not my opinion (sometimes in writing, things can come across more harshly than they were intended).</p> <p>When I get around to posting my own outfit choices, I hope to hear some objective and differing opinions. I started reading here because I love how Angie encourages different viewpoints, and provides a forum for sharing our very different ideas. </p> https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/chiming-in-against-the-tide/page/2#post-865905 Sun, 03 Mar 2013 04:52:39 +0000 Adelfa 865905@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ <p>Runcarla, I love your phrase, "a studious avoidance of the objectionable!" I think that definitely characterizes this forum. It's amazing the culture that's been built here (thanks, Angie and Greg and Inge).</p> <p>Katie, it's so true that *knowing* someone helps determine their intent. Especially when you can't see their expression or hear the tone of their voice.</p> <p>Thistle, I have a theory that most fabbers have some kind of fashion-related pain or wound in their past that they are trying to heal! For me these include body image struggles and a religious background that contains elements of distrust of adornment, vanity, etc. Grandma wanting the employer owned and maintained uniform--now that is funny!</p> <p>jj, from what I've seen fabbers can be very appreciative when someone finally makes a suggestion for change! We want to be affirmed, but we also want to be better!</p> <p>Shevia, I know exactly what you mean about not knowing what to add to a string of like-minded comments. In that situation, I as well often move on without commenting.</p> <p>zap, I posted on a question brought up by two k/r posts and I guess we migrated to general posts! I agree, in the case of a k/r an opinion is automatically wanted. So my original question was what if the first several commenters pick the same one, will it be hard to choose the other? But the comments ended up also being about how to disagree with or criticize (constructively) the op.</p> <p>cciele, diversity of opinion combined with sensitivity sounds like the perfect blend! </p> https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/chiming-in-against-the-tide/page/2#post-865853 Sun, 03 Mar 2013 03:03:29 +0000 Carla 865853@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ <p>I think you can get a vibe from the way the poster scripts their narrative and form your response in a similar tone. Though some folks request feedback in a tentative fashion, others are bold in their request for an 'honest' appraisal. </p> <p>I recently posted a WIW with a selection of 4 outfits, I posted the good and the bad. There were some consistent positive responses, and some constructive criticism, and a studious avoidance of the objectionable. Most importantly, there was information that I could take away and apply usefully. </p> <p>Though I would never, ever, do RATE or BLING! ( or so I say!) I think they are super cool trends and I appreciate the styling of the Fabbers who put themselves and their outfits out there. I think I could still provide useful feedback to, if and when asked...based on standard of fit, quality of appearance, etc. </p> <p>All the women who have posted have beautiful bodies, and it is so exciting when they find an outfit that celebrates their beauty. When it all comes together, it is stellar. When fashion doesn't serve us, then we need to pass. Sometimes we need our friends to help us decide when we need to make that decision. </p> https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/chiming-in-against-the-tide/page/2#post-865836 Sun, 03 Mar 2013 02:44:17 +0000 Katiepea 865836@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ <p>I have to sneak into this thread and say that I am another person who has been known, on occasion, to offer a voice of dissent.</p> <p>Thinking about this issue in a little more detail I can say that I would take some time to carefully word my opinion, to ensure it didn't come across as being offensive. I offer my opinion only when it is asked for in the post (ie, comments/feedback/advice welcome). Finally, I would also only tend to comment against the tide on a thread created by someone I feel that I've built up a strong rapport with over a period of time - in other words, they know me, and know that my intent would *never* be to be hurtful or rude. </p> https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/chiming-in-against-the-tide/page/2#post-865833 Sun, 03 Mar 2013 02:43:38 +0000 Thistle 865833@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ <p>After reading this, I have been trying more to give my opinion and run go back and read.</p> <p>You are right, I have found myself swayed by what other people write. I have struggled with fashion all of my life. My mom is not fashionable, and doesn't care. Her mom is not fashionable, and doesn't care. None of my aunts really care either. So, I never got much of an education early on, and fashion was viewed as frivolous. I actually remember my grandmother being sad for me on my first job that I didn't have a uniform for work that my employer would tend to and keep clean for me.</p> <p>But, I can at least honestly comment on what my eye sees, even if I am clueless as to tis color-wheel business and how to use it to find what matches green green! </p> https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/chiming-in-against-the-tide#post-865814 Sun, 03 Mar 2013 02:25:20 +0000 Jjsloane 865814@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ <p>I am probably not anyone's favorite, because I think I am often the odd voice out. I do try to preface any inputs that are the result of my own poison eye and provide commentary in a neutral - it's just not my taste. I appreciate the same honesty from others. </p> https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/chiming-in-against-the-tide#post-865788 Sun, 03 Mar 2013 01:40:32 +0000 Jaime 865788@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ <p>I try to give honest yet tactful feedback and really enjoy the same when I post. I sometimes don't respond when there are tons of responses I agree with - I feel I have nothing to add. I do find it easier to give feedback to posters whom I "know" better since I have a better idea of their style and what sort of feedback they will appreciate. </p> https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/chiming-in-against-the-tide#post-865787 Sun, 03 Mar 2013 01:39:42 +0000 Anonymous 865787@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ <p>I just had a chance to read all of the responses and I'm curious, are we talking about K/Rs or in general? Just to clarify, my answer only applies to K/Rs. For other areas, yes, I agree one must be mindful of what the poster wants. I just think that generally speaking a K/R is quite obvious as to intention. </p> https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/chiming-in-against-the-tide#post-865711 Sat, 02 Mar 2013 23:45:55 +0000 cciele 865711@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ <p>I also like to see varying opinions--fashion is so subjective. but it definitely helps to be sensitive as to the kind of feedback the OP want. </p> https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/chiming-in-against-the-tide#post-865709 Sat, 02 Mar 2013 23:44:54 +0000 Adelfa 865709@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ <p>Deborah, I love one of the threads that's running through this conversation--that we try to comment from a point of view of understanding the other's style goals. That is precious feedback indeed! </p> https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/chiming-in-against-the-tide#post-865696 Sat, 02 Mar 2013 23:32:31 +0000 Deborah 865696@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ <p>I try to operate with Angie's guidelines in mind. I have no trouble sharing a differing opinion on a post. I do think the important thing is to understand the posters style and style goals and not try to impose my style own style preferences. Very very occasionally I may find I just don't "get" an outfit and I may refrain from commenting purely because I don't feel I have anything meaningful to contribute. </p> https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/chiming-in-against-the-tide#post-865682 Sat, 02 Mar 2013 23:19:39 +0000 Adelfa 865682@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ <p>Caro, it's so true that a decision to weigh in on the other side is based on a number of factors!</p> <p>Jenava, definitely, if a poster is really excited then it's our role to share the joy! Or remain silent. There's always enough to like to keep us busy. </p> https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/chiming-in-against-the-tide#post-865672 Sat, 02 Mar 2013 23:15:10 +0000 Jenava 865672@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ <p>If the poster seems really set and excited about a particular option or isn't looking for feedback then I refrain. Otherwise, I offer my honest opinion of what I see, regardless of other's responses (but, I do like when Angie agrees with me, I admit it!). I just think the forum is more interesting when there are lots of opinions, including my own. If we all agreed all the time it would be pretty boring and not very diverse! </p> https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/chiming-in-against-the-tide#post-865653 Sat, 02 Mar 2013 22:54:16 +0000 Caro in Oz 865653@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ <p>I want honesty too - or maybe I want constructive criticism . I don't see the point in saying I don't like something unless I can give reasons why I don't. I also want to do this in a polite &amp; kind way.</p> <p>It is hard when everyone else is saying wonderful things about something when I see something off with the fit or colour or whatever. Whether I voice my opinion or not depends on a number of factors; the person who posted, how much time I have &amp; to some extend how I'm feeling. </p> https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/chiming-in-against-the-tide#post-865567 Sat, 02 Mar 2013 21:12:27 +0000 Mochi 865567@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ <p>(Disclaimer that I jumped straight to this comment without reading others' responses)</p> <p>I am not afraid to leave an outlier opinion. But I have to admit that once Angie chimes in one way or other, I feel like I was "wrong" if I had a different preference. I know I shouldn't feel this way but it's inevitable.... </p> https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/chiming-in-against-the-tide#post-865562 Sat, 02 Mar 2013 21:09:15 +0000 Adelfa 865562@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ <p>Gaylene: this is the other thing I'm petrified of! I SO don't want to hurt people's feelings. And it can be so hard--I know what I meant when I wrote it, but the chance word choice can be taken in quite another way. Plus people don't necessarily know me well enough around here to give me the benefit of the doubt. Although as a forum, I see the benefit of the doubt being extended routinely.</p> <p>R&amp;J, Jayne, Atlantia, Zap, Coco--I too welcome different opinions. I have recently passed on a couple of items because of fabber feedback. And I often see the op say "Thank you" when a different view is posted. I'm agreeing with Angie and atlantia that the forum tends to refrain from giving anything but a positive opinion if you don't ask for feedback. And that's not so bad--I lurked for about a year, too petrified to post photos. When I finally did it felt so good to have people say nice things. But fairly quickly I moved on to wanting feedback about how to make my outfits better.</p> <p>Shannon, dianthus, Kalli, Suz, Sara, bj, Una--thanks for sharing your perspective as commenters. What I'm seeing is that all of us want to be very careful! I also think that fabbers who've been around longer have grown in their confidence to state their opinion in a good way.</p> <p>An idea--could it be a learning experience to say, "20 of you see this and I see that for these reasons, probably I'm missing something but I'm not sure what!" and then if anyone felt like it, they could try to explain the disconnect. That would be interesting for me.</p> <p>Angie, I know you post against the tide! And you even seem apologetic when you shouldn't IMO! And I know it would be totally fine with you for me to disagree with you:) </p> https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/chiming-in-against-the-tide#post-865518 Sat, 02 Mar 2013 20:28:17 +0000 RoseandJoan 865518@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ <p>'To thine own self be true' </p> <p>Every persons opinion counts. When I post looking for feedback I use it as opportunity to see how my style may be viewed on the street. All of those people who eyes see but whose voices you do not hear. Therefore a variety of differing opionions is usually what I seek. </p> https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/chiming-in-against-the-tide#post-865510 Sat, 02 Mar 2013 20:24:49 +0000 Gaylene 865510@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ <p>Personally I think it is hard to go against the tide. While I admire forum members who do provide comments that go against the majority, it's easier not to participate than to run the risk of inadvertently hurting someone's feelings. I guess I rationalize my behavior by telling myself that the person is unlikely to be swayed by my opposing opinion if the majority of the responses are leaning one way. </p> https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/chiming-in-against-the-tide#post-865506 Sat, 02 Mar 2013 20:21:14 +0000 jayne 865506@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ <p>I have a tendency to reply first and read the other people replies after, unless there are a gazillion and then I usually don't reply.</p> <p>This helps me be true to my own opinion and when I am negative to a look I try to always state this is my taste maybe, or the photo, or not meant as a criticism. I know it is very hard to be always clear and I don't want to hurt any feelings.</p> <p>But I enjoy the community very much and like to read other replies to see how others think. Some have ideas or see things in such a way that opens my eyes. That is fun! </p> https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/chiming-in-against-the-tide#post-865488 Sat, 02 Mar 2013 20:00:43 +0000 Transcona Shannon 865488@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ <p>This is a fantastic thread Adelfa! Personally, I still don't feel confident or knowledgeable to go against the tide most of the time. Often if I'm later in responding and all of the other responses are one way and I'm thinking the other, I won't respond because I think that my "style eye" is just off on that particular item or outfit.</p> <p>But if I feel strongly enough about it, I will respectfully reply against the group. </p> https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/chiming-in-against-the-tide#post-865485 Sat, 02 Mar 2013 19:59:22 +0000 Atlantia 865485@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ <p>This is a wonderful thread!<br /> I often feel like the WIWs I've posted have received an overwhelmingly positive outlook, and I didn't find it constructive. I began rewording asking for feedback, and began finding them more helpful. Then my dress code changed, and WIW was less fun, so I haven't been doing them. :(<br /> Anyway...I usually have no issue going against the tide. Dissenting but respectful opinions are why I love this community. </p> https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/chiming-in-against-the-tide#post-865484 Sat, 02 Mar 2013 19:58:14 +0000 Anonymous 865484@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ <p>Ok. so I could certainly write a 1,000 page manifest on this topic. However, and along with my goals of better reading comprehension and conciseness, I would attempt brevity. I think I have and will continue to offer my straightforward opinion because:</p> <p>a- No one is asking me for my opinion on whether one should go forward with life saving, separating surgery of their conjoined twins, a.k.a. is not that serious. I anticipate everyone will survive my "polite dissent".</p> <p>and </p> <p>b- I am not Anna Wintour or Miranda Priesly, hence do not have the power or knowledge to alter entire collections upon one nod of my head. What I am providing is my humble, uneducated opinion, again, not that serious. </p> <p>and </p> <p>c- In all honestly, as much as we like to yak away, the only expert here is Angie. As such, all opinions should be considered amateur at best. No offense to anyone but since I think all opinions, excluding Angie's, are of equal weight, I am not going to make it or break it.</p> <p>and</p> <p>d- I certainly appreciate anyone who takes a few minutes of their day to post anything on my threads. On that note, as far as I'm concerned, please, please if you ever think against the tide on any of my stuff, please reply to that extent. That goes to anyone else too.</p> <p>and ETA: Don't discount yourself from posting because you think you are not qualified enough. Most people on this site have very simple everyday lives and as such, are being judged and evaluated by people, who might not know zilch about fashion. I am actually quite interested in the opinions of those who are not that in tune with fashion and trends. I want to look OK for the normal folk, who is not reading Elle and checking Blogger every night. </p> <p>Lastly, I did not achieve brevity @HAHAHA@ </p> https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/chiming-in-against-the-tide#post-865461 Sat, 02 Mar 2013 19:30:31 +0000 Angie 865461@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ <p>Denise, I just adore your outlook on life. You are rational, respectful, succinct, and in touch with your emotions - and our emotions. AMAZING. Such great extra points. </p> <p>Adelfa, I forgot to add that although I am a fashion professional and this is our forum, my word is not the last. At the end of the day it's just an opinion like everyone else. You are always free to take or leave my opinion.</p> <p>Btw! I preferred dress #2 on Thistle's thread from the start. Which was going against the tide. </p> https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/chiming-in-against-the-tide#post-865459 Sat, 02 Mar 2013 19:10:04 +0000 CocoLion 865459@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ <p>I like hearing differing opinions. Also when people just come out and state that this isn't their style or that they have a poison eye towards x, so would rather not comment (which is of course making a pretty big statement itself but I'm ok with it).</p> <p>So I would rather hear something than not hear an opinion at all. That is why I leave a comment 99% of the time. The only reason I don't, is because I am too tired to say anything. That's when it's time to close the laptop.</p> <p>In Thistle's case, one dress looked better as a summer dress, the other one worked better winterized, it was the one that had a blacker read. The summery one had a whiter read, although both were patterned b&amp;w. Moreover, the chance element in photography is a HUGE factor. </p> https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/chiming-in-against-the-tide#post-865452 Sat, 02 Mar 2013 18:54:51 +0000 Angie 865452@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ <p>We posted at the same time. HAHAHAHA!!!!</p> <p>Quite right, and I see your points 100%. </p> https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/chiming-in-against-the-tide#post-865451 Sat, 02 Mar 2013 18:53:07 +0000 Angie 865451@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ <p>Sorry, Adelfa! I never actually answered your question. </p> <p>You know the answer though. I respectfully swim against the tide because my role here is to help and find solutions. I am not being helpful if I agreed with everything no matter what - but we always find solutions! </p> https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/chiming-in-against-the-tide#post-865450 Sat, 02 Mar 2013 18:52:34 +0000 Adelfa 865450@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ <p>Hi Angie, thanks for the terrific guidelines. I want to clarify that I'm not necessarily describing a situation where the "against the tide" comment is a negative and the majority responses are positive. For instance in Thistle's post, there were two dresses to choose from, and the choice of one over the other was neutral. Or it could be the other way around--the forum is gently and tactfully steering the op away from a look, when I think it looks great!</p> <p>But still, the case where we're offering less than positive feedback is the touchiest one and the one where we need to be the most careful, so all of your guidelines are incredibly helpful. </p> https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/chiming-in-against-the-tide#post-865443 Sat, 02 Mar 2013 18:44:44 +0000 cheryle (Dianthus) 865443@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ <p>I too have a tendency to not swim against the tide if there have been a significant number of posts already. I am most likely to not comment in this situation if I am not supportive of the look. I don't feel good about giving negative feedback unless I have a concrete basis for it and often it is just "off" to my eye. If there have been a lot of positive responses, I usually attribute this to personal preference.</p> <p>I, too, will qualify a response by saying that I am a bit on the conservative side or slow to adopt some trends.</p> <p>Very interesting topic. </p> https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/chiming-in-against-the-tide#post-865441 Sat, 02 Mar 2013 18:42:27 +0000 Angie 865441@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ <p>Adelfa, your thoughts are understandable. Differing opinions can be very helpful - but too many cooks spoil the broth. There is also great responsibility expected from the poster to FILTER the responses. I can't stress that point enough.</p> <p>- DO go against the tide but be respectful about your opinion and state the rationale behind your reason. Be constructive and kind. No need to be tackless and rude. </p> <p>- Be very aware when you have poison eye for the look. Someone should not be made to feel bad about something they love just because you have poison eye. It happens all the time in fashion - people LOVE a look that you loathe because it's an extremely subjective topic. No one expects you to like a look you just can't like! Just be aware that things are subjective. </p> <p>- If the poster is not looking for constructive feedback, do not offer it. Focus on something that you like about the outfit and leave it at that. </p> <p>- Do not be worried about commenting first on a thread. Just comment!</p> <p>- Some people find it hard to judge a style or look that is outside their own style preferences. This is very common, somewhat understandable, and it just is what it is. You must remember that when you read feedback comments. </p> <p>If you post your own outfits, we get a better sense of your style and they do give context to your opinion. It's a little harder to attribute weight to a judging comment when we've never seen your outfits. </p> https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/chiming-in-against-the-tide#post-865439 Sat, 02 Mar 2013 18:40:33 +0000 Kalli 865439@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ <p>Since I am new to YLF, I did chime in on the K/R, and I wasn't in the majority for the winterized item. I don't believe you have bad taste if you prefer something one way vs something someone else likes. If we all agreed on everything then we'd all be wearing exactly the same things and styles. Fashion is fun, and having worked in rag trade for a short while myself I believe it's better to voice your opinion and explain why you like or dislike instead of having unhappy customers. Utimately this forum doesn't make the final decision if you decide you like something or not. It is about personal style after all. </p>