YouLookFab Forum » Topic: Big Changes

YouLookFab Forum » Topic: Big Changes https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/big-changes Style Advice for Fashion Lovers en-US Tue, 21 Apr 2026 00:03:09 +0000 http://bbpress.org/?v=1.0.2 <![CDATA[Search]]> q https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/search.php Jenn on "Big Changes" https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/big-changes/page/2#post-1951055 Fri, 24 Aug 2018 20:32:48 +0000 Jenn 1951055@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ Thanks, Joy! We meet with the relocation coordinator this afternoon. Should be interesting! Anonymous on "Big Changes" https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/big-changes/page/2#post-1949951 Tue, 21 Aug 2018 02:54:23 +0000 Anonymous 1949951@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ Thinking of you , Jenn, and hope all is going well. You have lots going on Lucy on "Big Changes" https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/big-changes/page/2#post-1947905 Tue, 14 Aug 2018 13:34:42 +0000 Lucy 1947905@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ Wow, it all sounds very exciting!  My hubby and I have a shared home in one city, but he works 3 days per week in another city, so he flies out Monday night and comes home Thursday night (and works at home the other two days). It's worked really well for 4 years but it's wearing thin now for him, and he will finish up soon I think. We have a 13 yo son, too.    I think it's good you have a finite date for ending this - I'd treat it like an adventure, and enjoy the mini breaks in both cities!  We do speak multiple times a day on the phone. I usually ring him on my way to work, and we always speak at night. Sometimes we will touch base in the middle of the day via messenger or phone if something is happening, but always morning and night. I don't know if boys are all that communicative on the phone - mine is not that chatty, and is happy just to know dad is on the other end of the line talking to me. I think he thinks he's too old and cool to Skype, lol. But it doesn't seem to bother either of them, so I don't let it bother me either!  Overall, I think you just need to work out what works for you - and try different things. We got into a really good rhythm for a long time. Helen11 on "Big Changes" https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/big-changes/page/2#post-1947546 Mon, 13 Aug 2018 13:22:28 +0000 Helen11 1947546@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ Congratulations - how exciting! So much good advice for you from everyone else already.  I just wanted to chime in with my Aunty's advice that living apart is the secret to a long and happy marriage!  (A different situation to yours, though, she lived in town with school aged kids, and he on the farm) So it can certainly work, and you know there's an end in sight.  All the best! Jenn on "Big Changes" https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/big-changes/page/2#post-1947298 Sun, 12 Aug 2018 14:47:12 +0000 Jenn 1947298@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ Scarlet, your Roomba suggestion is brilliant! And I do kind of see this as an adventure. It has been helping to talk about the new location as "our apartment in Burbank" rather than just a landing place for him over the next nine months. Makes me remember that this is a new chapter for BOTH of us. Gail,  I can barely even imagine how hard that must have been with small children! When my husband and I were engaged, we lived in different states, about 800 miles apart, and I remember how, back then (in the mid-90s) even talking on the phone represented a huge financial burden. I'm so glad those times are over! Gail on "Big Changes" https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/big-changes/page/2#post-1947283 Sun, 12 Aug 2018 13:43:48 +0000 Gail 1947283@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ Congratulations on your husbands new job. My husband and I lived apart twice. The first time was back in the early 90's. He had a job assignment in Tokyo and we all moved there I had an infant and a three year old. After a year I was very unhappy and could not take advantage of all that the country had to offer and my husband worked non stop. we made the decision for me to move back to the USA 4 months before his assignment ended . We didn't have Skype or much internet back then so we did daily phone calls , it was hard as the children were little and high maintenance but we managed.  A year or so later we were apart as my husband had job assigmnent in London, we lived there for a year . By then we had another infant so three children. I came home early so the older two could start school in September he came home about three months later. Talking every day really helped and now with face time and emails I'm sure it will be much easier . Good luck Scarlet on "Big Changes" https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/big-changes/page/2#post-1947009 Sat, 11 Aug 2018 06:47:25 +0000 Scarlet 1947009@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ I was long distance with my husband (prior to kids) for years, and I hated it BUT that was intercontinental and YEARS. In any case we managed. We spoke on the phone every day during my commute home, which took around an hour, in addition to writing emails. A lot of couples asked how we managed and then questioned if they really even spent an hour talking to their partner in a day. And I find that to be an accurate observation. When you are apart it forces you to make an active choice how to maintain and sustain your relationship, which can be a positive thing. Given that it is only 8 or 9 months and you will both have so much going on, it sounds doable, and, dare I say, exciting for the new adventure aspect of it. Maybe that is partly my perspective at the moment since I haven’t been able to travel much in the last few years. Also, regarding sweeping, you might consider a Roomba :) Suz, even without long distance, I am taking notes on your former weekend routine for just regular chaotic life with little kids Jenn on "Big Changes" https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/big-changes/page/2#post-1946796 Fri, 10 Aug 2018 16:05:13 +0000 Jenn 1946796@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ I'm so encouraged by how many of you have done this. It's feeling less daunting now. Janet, I was just thinking about the household chores. There are things Kevin does (paying monthly bills, sweeping the floors, cleaning the litter box) that I rarely even think about. If nothing else, I'll have to be more aware! Brooklyn, I love your perspective! I came from a less-privileged background as well, and a lot of the moves my family made were precipitated by significant personal and financial stress. It's good to remember that this relocation is downright luxurious as such things go. I'd love to meet you, if we're both in California at the same time. What fun! Brooklyn on "Big Changes" https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/big-changes/page/2#post-1946722 Fri, 10 Aug 2018 10:48:18 +0000 Brooklyn 1946722@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ Hey Jenn. My husband and I did this for about a year. I tried to treat it as an adventure. Really it was a tremendous privilege to fly out of my city every weekend to see him. I come from a not-so-privileged background so flying to another city every weekend seemed very glamorous to me and I tried to enjoy that aspect. (It was lucky that it was for a finite period, however. I am sure it would eventually have worn thin.) He would come back about once a month. I also used the time away from him to work a lot more (I am sure my employer appreciated that, ha ha!) and to spend more time with friends and family. Anyhow, congratulations on the (eventual) move! I might even get to meet you one day because hubs and I are considering California as our next holiday destination (hopefully without nasty illnesses). Janet on "Big Changes" https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/big-changes/page/2#post-1946614 Thu, 09 Aug 2018 21:54:42 +0000 Janet 1946614@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ Congrats to your husband! It's exciting, but also stressful, I know. The time will fly by, and helps that it's finite -- you know you will ultimately be moving there with him, which should be easier than the open-ended limbo we find ourselves in.  My husband and I have been dealing with his sporadic Maryland/Texas residence for a couple of years now. We are working on solving this (we are sponsoring a man from Mexico and his family to immigrate to the States where he will work as our ranch manager and live on the ranch with his family, but it is a long, arduous, stressful, expensive process), but in the meantime, it means Jamie is in Texas for stretches of time. I join him from time to time, but we don't currently have a really predictable schedule, since ranching is not a predictable business -- everything is at the mercy of mother nature.  I do agree that checking in with each other every day is necessary -- text, phone, FaceTime -- whatever works for you. If you can make short trips to go visit him, or vice versa, that's awesome -- take advantage of that opportunity if time and budget allow.  One thing I will note is that spending so much time apart has made us treat our time together as a more special thing. We tend to "celebrate" more now that our time together is more rare and precious. That's a wonderful thing in many ways, but it also means we tend to slack off on things like healthy eating and watching our restaurant and travel budget, because hey, we're celebrating finally being together! So be aware that can be a by-product of separation. Also, remember that all the usual tasks of home-keeping will fall on you in your husband's absence, regardless of whether you or husband have been doing them. Allow yourself more time and kindness for things that slip through the cracks or have to go undone for longer than you would prefer. This can be really frustrating (like the week our garage door stopped working and we had a plumbing leak and an emergency vet visit...), but hopefully this will not be much of a burden on you.  Best of luck!  Jenn on "Big Changes" https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/big-changes/page/2#post-1946599 Thu, 09 Aug 2018 21:15:16 +0000 Jenn 1946599@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ Greyscale and Joy,  I did actually look into the residency requirements when this first became a possibility and it seems like he would be an edge case, not really covered by the published requirements. I'm not sure if he'll end up applying to any CA schools, but the good news is that, even as a Colorado resident, he'd be eligible for WUE and wouldn't be paying full out-of-state tuition. Cost of living calculators say housing is around 80% higher than Denver, but realistically we're expecting 2-3x higher, since we don't currently live in the city. That will definitely be a shock, but one we took into account when evaluating the job offer. Thank you all for sharing your experiences and advice. I am reading and learning from it all! Style Fan on "Big Changes" https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/big-changes/page/2#post-1946411 Thu, 09 Aug 2018 09:05:43 +0000 Style Fan 1946411@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ Congratulations to your husband Jenn.  Not commuting to work will be a great relief.  Mr SF and I had a long distance relationship a couple of times.  We were within a couple of hours driving range so we could see each other on weekends.  The last two years I worked (about six years ago) Mr SF lived in the house we bought for our retirement.  We were about three hours apart.  We talked on the phone almost every night and saw each other on the weekends.  He found the time during the week more difficult than I did.  I was working and during my off time, I might do something fun but rarely.   He was looking after our dog and living in a new place that was very rural.  (I don't recommend doing what we did but that is another topic.)   It was helpful to talk on the phone at a regular time every night (have some sort of routine) and to see each other as much as possible.  We also knew that this was temporary. Mr. SF #1 and I were often apart for long periods of time.  His job required him to travel and he might be gone for up to six months.  I wouldn't see him at all and in the 80s and 90s phone calls were not as common as they are now.  Also, he might not be able to call.  Those separations were difficult and I realized I needed to find ways to keep myself occupied but also keep the relationship intact.  Having access to things like emails, blogs, Skype, etc. makes the later a lot easier. anne on "Big Changes" https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/big-changes#post-1946391 Thu, 09 Aug 2018 06:26:55 +0000 anne 1946391@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ <div>Jenn, congratulations to your husband. Lots of wise advice here. I haven't really been in the same situation and some of my related experience was so different technologically to now.- e.g., Dad worked away for stretches in the 80s and 90s and used to fax us long and written letters. When DH and I were going out, and he worked  overseas for 5 months in the late 90s international phone calls were so expensive we restricted them to once a month so we could have a long one (because I wanted long ones as it took me a while to get to know him every call) and emails I'd send once a week from my parents house. Eventually I joined him </div><div> </div><div>However working FIFO (Fly in Fly out) is quite common here in Western Australia and I know many people who have done it - they maybe away for as long as a month from their families (and then they get some time off work home). It CAN be quite stressful and you would be right to work on patterns on keeping your relationship going. (though for many it's an improvement, particularly if the job replaced one where they had long commutes) </div><div> </div><div>I think it really important to include DH when you get home as it is easy to fall into pattern of just you and your kid. It's also important to both share the same page on discipline (though I don't know if that's much of an issue when you have a child of your son's age - mine are still a bit younger) so you don't get "fun parent /strict parent" etc.</div><div> </div><div> </div> Anonymous on "Big Changes" https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/big-changes#post-1946387 Thu, 09 Aug 2018 05:33:45 +0000 Anonymous 1946387@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ Greyscale makes a good point that if your son wants to attend a California college you may want to move him sooner so residency can be established. As a mother of 2 adult boys, the hardest thing was having them come home from college. They become used to being very independent and not saying when they will be home, especially for meals, or who they may be bringing with them if they are home. Lay down some rules right away. Having them live at home after college would be really tough on everyone. Think about friends (female and male) sort of moving in because he wants them there. Divide chores and expenses. Set a time limit for their stay. You and DH will have also become used to having your own routine and privacy. LA may be more expensive than you realize, especially housing. On the other hand some things are cheaper. You can pretty much wear the same wardrobe year-round. Take your time to decide where to live, even if it means renting while you look. There are microclimates. The closer you are to the ocean, the less need of airconditioning. Inland climate is hotter, actually more like desert. Good luck with the move. As Angie said, a sense of adventure helps. Greyscale on "Big Changes" https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/big-changes#post-1946335 Wed, 08 Aug 2018 23:24:25 +0000 Greyscale 1946335@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ I've also done the long-distance thing for years, but with no kids in the picture, which changes it! The first time was 4 years in our mid-20s. That was easy - we were young and independent. Then for three years in our mid-30s, he moved back East and I stayed here. It was hard for various reasons specific to our circumstances, but some of what helped us might be useful for you too. -Lots of phone calls - we should have used facetime! Seeing each other's faces would have helped the conversation flow more normally. -Online chat throughout the day - having a sense of each others' day-to-day lives was nice. That worked since we both spent much of our days at a computer. -Simplify, and spend money to solve problems if it's possible. He'd done all the cooking for years, and I was suffering from really serious depression when he moved away, so it was hard to get into a routine for food. I ended up getting a lot of pre-cooked meals from Whole Foods or equivalent so that I'd keep eating the same healthy diet as before. I'm sure you've thought of this, but if your kid is up to the task, you could share more of the chores with him (or perhaps he's already doing great on that front). -When I visited him in his new city, we used that as a chance to explore all the things he didn't get around to on his own. That said, for myself, I really valued the time I spent just nesting. (I visited for a whole month once and happened to have a badly sprained ankle, so I stayed in and decorated his whole apartment and enjoyed normal home life.) Also, a California suggestion: take the time to figure out where you want to live. Figure out your comfort with various commute distances and your physical comfort in different micro-climates. In a way having 9 months to sort that out will be a blessing. btw, since your kid is applying to colleges - California has arcane rules for establishing residency for in-state tuition, if he's looking at any CA state schools. Look into all the rules. Sal on "Big Changes" https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/big-changes#post-1946284 Wed, 08 Aug 2018 21:35:36 +0000 Sal 1946284@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ I saw this yesterday on my phone and have come back to add in my congratulations now!!  Well done to Kevin on the new and exciting job.  I don't have any particular advice - Jon used to travel a lot for work but currently it is infrequent.  My son is 16 and in Feb enters his last year of high school so at a similar stage - a stage where their own priorities are to the forefront and being digital natives they full embrace texts, messaging, skype etc as a form of communication so he may "communicate" more with Dad than he does currently LOL!!  And at least with your job long weekends in LA are possible - or during school breaks - so it is very workable. I am sure you will make it work for you all:) Jenn on "Big Changes" https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/big-changes#post-1946257 Wed, 08 Aug 2018 18:19:44 +0000 Jenn 1946257@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ rachylou, LOL. "I could easily see you in Burbank...they have a conspiracy bookstore." I'm not sure how I should take that.  ;) Angie, Kev will be working at an entertainment studio complex in Burbank, and we are tired of him having a long commute (it's more than an hour each way now), so we'll want to live as close to the office as possible. I don't know the area at all, really, so I'm glad to have several months to explore neighborhoods. We have two cats, and yes, we'll be empty nesters, though I think there's a good chance kiddo might want to come back during/after college, especially since his aspirations are in the film industry.  Thank you all for tips and strategies and stories of doing this in your lives. I especially appreciate the reminder to establish routines and rituals, Suz and bj1111. I don't want to wish away this last year of our son being at home, but I also know it's going to be difficult, missing a member of the family. Diana on "Big Changes" https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/big-changes#post-1946234 Wed, 08 Aug 2018 16:58:24 +0000 Diana 1946234@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ Oh, wow, congratulations to your husband!  LA is a fun place, and I think you'll like living there. I grew up in Thousand Oaks, and a lot of people actually commute from there (and Simi Valley/Moorpark, which are actually closer) to Burbank.  It might be too long a commute for you, although there's a way to bypass most of the valley traffic, which is nice, but Southern Ventura County is a great place to live. It sounds like you'll be super busy during the next few months, so I think you'll probably find the time apart will just fly by.  I haven't really don't anything similar (since I don't have a kid) but my husband and I did date long distance for MANY years, including a couple of years where we did not live in the same country.  There are good parts and bad parts, as with anything, but you make do.   PS - if you can, fly into Burbank airport.  It's tiny but a thousand times better and faster than LAX. Suz on "Big Changes" https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/big-changes#post-1946217 Wed, 08 Aug 2018 16:36:03 +0000 Suz 1946217@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ Jenn, I just saw this. I have not read the replies yet so forgive me if I overlap with others.  I have done this for two years. With a young child -- age 5 to 7. Kid and I were both in school in BC and Mr. Suz was teaching back in our home province of Ontario. Technically, we were only 5 months fully apart, because Mr. Suz got all his teaching load in one semester and stayed the other semester with us. But he also had to travel to see his older children at various times, so in effect the separations were longer.  This was a decade ago. We didn't even have texting ability then on our antiquated phones, and we never Skyped. (Hard to imagine now!) We did talk on the phone a couple of times a week and made a lot of use of email.  The first year was okay. It was hard on our kid but he and I managed. The second year it felt really old, really fast.  Some of my tips are probably more relevant to those with little kids, but for what it is worth:  Routines are your friend. Saturday mornings we cleaned house and did groceries. Saturday evening I cooked something that would make leftovers.  Sunday mornings I made a big pot of soup or stew. Sunday afternoons we usually went swimming or hiking.  I had an arrangement with a friend who was a single mom. Every week, we had supper together on Wednesday night with our kids. One week I would cook, the next week she'd cook. It as a great way to get adult time and keep the kids happy. (Not such a big deal for you at this stage.)  Plan some alone times for you with DH and your kid with DH when he is there.  It's going to be exciting to be in a new place and congrats to DH on the job! Angie on "Big Changes" https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/big-changes#post-1946158 Wed, 08 Aug 2018 13:50:36 +0000 Angie 1946158@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ Jenn, this is a better option than the multiple residences, I bet. But you can travel to the snow to your hearts content. Tahoe! Where in CA are you thinking of living? Any pets? Will you be empty nesters?  Thistle on "Big Changes" https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/big-changes#post-1946121 Wed, 08 Aug 2018 12:14:56 +0000 Thistle 1946121@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ I have never done this, so I have little to offer in practical advice. I would think facetime/skype every night. Also, you will be very busy with getting everything ready for the move, so that will help. And, hopefully, there will be lots of visits. Congrats to you and hubs! rachylou on "Big Changes" https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/big-changes#post-1946087 Wed, 08 Aug 2018 07:43:42 +0000 rachylou 1946087@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ Oh ho! Burbank! Burbank is a fascinating place - as are all the Tribes of LA. But Burbank *is* special. I can easily see you there. You will have to look beyond the surface... and then come back and have another look at the surface. First thing to know is that Burbank is where the Conspiracy Book Store was... would lose my brother in there for HOURS, lol Kate on "Big Changes" https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/big-changes#post-1946065 Wed, 08 Aug 2018 04:32:49 +0000 Kate 1946065@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ Jenn, my husband and I spent more time apart in the first 25 years of our marriage than we did together, with work schedules and traveling, and we made it work. And it worked well. The time when we were together was great fun. It was almost like 25 years of dating! Our next big adventure is DH starting his own company. There's only one rule: He can't run it out of the house!!  Carla on "Big Changes" https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/big-changes#post-1946063 Wed, 08 Aug 2018 04:18:40 +0000 Carla 1946063@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ Congratulations on your next big adventure, Jenn! You will be fine, from the sounds of things. DH and I have been apart due to career demands a couple of times. The last time was four years ago for his 'dream job' which resulted in our eventual relocation. He started work March 1 and I joined him 4 months later. We tried to hook up every 4 weeks. I visited him twice - for a week each time - exploring the community and house hunting while he was at work, and he 'came home' for a long holiday weekend. We both did miss each other, and there were added expenses, and some stress - as is common with any big move. But, in the long run, things couldn't have worked out better. I'm sure you will manage the separation and find that the time will fly by. Anonymous on "Big Changes" https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/big-changes#post-1946039 Wed, 08 Aug 2018 01:15:11 +0000 Anonymous 1946039@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ This all sounds incredibly exciting! Bring on the hot weather! I don’t have advise to give but wish you the best. bj1111 on "Big Changes" https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/big-changes#post-1946036 Wed, 08 Aug 2018 01:09:59 +0000 bj1111 1946036@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ Congrats to hubs on a dream job and to your soon-to-be-launched son.  So much good advice.  Separation sucks but it makes you appreciate the other person more. Rituals and routine are great for establishing connection.  Even though I'm in the same house as hubs, we have a leaving and arriving ritual.  I travel so much for work these days that it's a luxury to return to that ritual.   I'm confident that this will be a short and interesting blip in your relationship and there will be so many things to do --prepping your house for sale, getting your son through the application process, establishing any legal things to port your business across states, shopping for a new climate. Anticipating much fun for you and hubs as you rediscover being alone with each other and getting to know a new city.  To get you started, Melrose Ave in LA and Abbot Kinney in Venice are great shopping districts.   Jenn on "Big Changes" https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/big-changes#post-1946032 Wed, 08 Aug 2018 00:26:33 +0000 Jenn 1946032@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ Kate, my husband is currently shopping for studio apartments for the transition. I'm sure it will be interesting! Angie, we had a whole multiple residences plan initially, that involved staying with the current company and working from its different offices. As it stands, the new job will have quite a bit less travel, probably just to New England once or twice a year.  I suspect I will struggle with the summer-dominant part of the relocation--autumn and winter are my favorite seasons--but I will make it work! Angie on "Big Changes" https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/big-changes#post-1946006 Tue, 07 Aug 2018 23:01:14 +0000 Angie 1946006@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ Jenn, we won't be moving to Salt Lake City, so we're maintaining two homes - but Seattle is a our main home. That in itself has been fun because I love to organize, decorate, and experience living in new places. It's what you make of the fun adventure, and I know you'll make the most of YOUR next fun adventure. Goog job, Kevin.  It's going to be fun altering your wardrobe too! I FINALLY have more of a hot Summer, and Summer will be your main climate too.   Kate on "Big Changes" https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/big-changes#post-1946001 Tue, 07 Aug 2018 22:46:26 +0000 Kate 1946001@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ While it can be stressful, it can also be exciting. My husband and I have lived in different cities twice—me in DC & him in NYC both times—and it worked out just fine. He took the train home on weekends and I would come up other weekends to visit. DH had a interesting series of apartments in New York City. Jenn on "Big Changes" https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/big-changes#post-1945987 Tue, 07 Aug 2018 21:50:54 +0000 Jenn 1945987@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ efbgen, you know, it never crossed our minds to make kiddo move. We moved once when he was six, and again when he was around ten, and he handled them both really well, but moving right before senior year just seems unthinkable. You are right that it will be a very busy time, and (in case no one could glean this from my wardrobe posts) I'm a planner, so, in a lot of ways, I'm glad to have the extra months to organize the move.