https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/being-verbally-attacked-for-being-small Style Advice for Fashion Lovers en-US Tue, 12 May 2026 19:35:33 +0000 http://bbpress.org/?v=1.0.2 q https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/search.php https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/being-verbally-attacked-for-being-small/page/2#post-534493 Tue, 07 Feb 2012 22:18:56 +0000 DeniseP 534493@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ <p>After reading everyone's posts, I'd like to add:</p> <p>People who make inconsiderate, rude comments are to be ignored.</p> <p>Don't take it personally.<br /> More than that, turn it around and say something nice back.</p> <p>Apparently, their mouths are much bigger than their brains.<br /> And no, you cannot "teach" empathy in schools. This comes from the heart.</p> <p>We're all different, and have unique body issues to deal with. But the "real" person is who you are on the inside. It's not the outside that makes you who you are.</p> <p>And the ones who criticize the outward appearance are very shallow thinkers.<br /> They should be pitied.</p> <p>Hope that makes sense. </p> https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/being-verbally-attacked-for-being-small/page/2#post-534154 Tue, 07 Feb 2012 17:38:56 +0000 Isabel 534154@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ <p>Linda..I just feel so bad for that woman. I can't imagine being tortured by a Dove bar ( I am not being facetitous ). This whole thread brought to mind Demi Moore, who right before her breakdown was only eating 1 lettuce leaf and a tablespoon of tuna a day. ( according to the news ).</p> <p>Why do we torture ourselves like this ?</p> <p>AMEN Meredith !!!! </p> https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/being-verbally-attacked-for-being-small/page/2#post-534152 Tue, 07 Feb 2012 17:35:45 +0000 Meredith1953 534152@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ <p>It always seems strange to me that other women can say disparaging hurtful remarks about other women. We all have our insecurities and I would think other women would empathize and choose their words more carefully. We come in all shapes and sizes and it is hard enough to come to a place where we accept what we perceive as our flaws without others contributing to them. We need to be our own best friend and love ourselves and honor our bodies and ourselves by dressing as nicely as we can. Thus endeth the sermon! </p> https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/being-verbally-attacked-for-being-small/page/2#post-534069 Tue, 07 Feb 2012 16:33:54 +0000 lyn* 534069@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ <p>Oh; I love Dove Bars.</p> <p>Nomnomnom. </p> <p>No one should have to feel guilty for the occasional treat </p> https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/being-verbally-attacked-for-being-small/page/2#post-534002 Tue, 07 Feb 2012 15:52:49 +0000 Linda 534002@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ <p>Unfortunately, I think that many women in our society are programmed to be obsessed with weight. Many of the rude comments mentioned above stem from this. The comment about wishing that "she had an artery burst" reflects so much on this person's attitude towards weight, ie she'd rather have her life in danger, just so she could lose some weight! A few years ago, I had to have oral surgery to remove a tumor, which turned out to be benign, but at the time there was a possibility that it would be cancerous. I mentioned that I would be having surgery and out of work to a colleague and the first thing out of her mouth was, "Well at least you'll lose weight". The statement was made when I weighed 115 at 5'4", so I didn't feel that weight was an issue for me. I attended a conference with the same person a few years later. There were snacks at break and one of the choices was a Dove Bar. I don't remember if I had one or not, but the same colleague went through agony trying to decide if she should have one. It was really disturbing to see. She finally did "cave" and I had to spend the remaining afternoon listening to her guilt over a popsicle! I far as I could see, she was a normal weight, but certainly didn't have a normal relationship to food or her body. It was sad to see. </p> https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/being-verbally-attacked-for-being-small/page/2#post-533905 Tue, 07 Feb 2012 14:33:31 +0000 Anonymous 533905@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ <p>Yes, people need more filters. We live in a rude society. </p> https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/being-verbally-attacked-for-being-small/page/2#post-533894 Tue, 07 Feb 2012 14:24:40 +0000 Janet 533894@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ <p>People can be awfully rude sometimes. I think it usually results from a person's own insecurities and self-centeredness, but I think it's usually thoughtless, not malicious. I know, that doesn't make comments any less hurtful, but when I hear of people making rude remarks, I try to remember that they are coming from a place of pain. </p> <p>Many years ago, I once complained about my weight (which was about what it is now) rather thoughtlessly in front of a colleague who was rather overweight. I was also in the midst of a period of my life defined by depression and deep self-doubt. It wasn't until later when my head was in a better place that I thought about how unkind I was -- to her and to me. I am thankful that she is such a kind person that we are still friends. </p> <p>So yes, I think it's very possible that later on, these people think "Did I really say that??" and cringe at their insensitivity. </p> https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/being-verbally-attacked-for-being-small/page/2#post-533816 Tue, 07 Feb 2012 12:40:03 +0000 Isabel 533816@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ <p>Sveta, yes, that is what made me wonder if people go to bed at night thinking, " did I just say that ? " Believe me, I have there, but never about someone's body - probably just out of luck.</p> <p>MaryK, ironically enough, NO ONE obese or even overweight has ever said something like that to me. Ever. My neighbor, for example is probably a size 10-12 and she is 5'11" . I think people who are large understand the health issues and feelings of hopelessness others feel when someone is really sick.</p> <p>I agree with someone here who said that it almost seems as if one's mere existence is somehow a judgement of someone else.....it is too bad that some us have such painful thoughts about ourselves.</p> <p>Yes AG, we all just need to be healthy !! </p> https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/being-verbally-attacked-for-being-small/page/2#post-533712 Tue, 07 Feb 2012 06:33:36 +0000 catgirl 533712@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ <p>MaryK, I do know what you're saying. My friend has lost weight due to an illness; at the same time I gained weight post-pregnancy. We used to be exactly the same size. Certainly no one has said to me, "I wish I could gain weight like you did", and there are times when being around her gives me some real body dysmorphia issues. </p> <p>I guess being seriously overweight or underweight both can lead to serious limitations and medical consequences. That's why my New Year resolution was to focus on fitness and health rather than weight and numbers.</p> <p>It is great to have your perspective as you've seen both sides of the coin and are honest about it. </p> https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/being-verbally-attacked-for-being-small/page/2#post-533707 Tue, 07 Feb 2012 06:18:19 +0000 Aziraphale 533707@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ <p>Well, that's just annoying. Quips about physical attributes are always hurtful, even if not intentionally so. As a fellow teeny person, I'd just like to say, Stand strong and love the body you're in, and don't worry about what people say. Actually, that's good advice for every woman. </p> <p>People can be insensitive. I know I'm occasionally guilty of shooting my mouth off without thinking. Perhaps the person meant it as a sort of compliment, like a backhand way of saying, gee, I wish I were as tiny as you. And the comment on the website about how "real" women are not a size xs or s? Probably written by someone who wishes she were a size xs or s. </p> https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/being-verbally-attacked-for-being-small/page/2#post-533558 Tue, 07 Feb 2012 03:55:13 +0000 MsMary 533558@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ <p>Honestly, I have been fat and I can totally understand how people can make comments such as "I wish my artery would burst," and "I wish I had your disease." I don't think I ever said anything like that out loud, but I know I thought things like that because I felt just. that. desperate. about being obese and not seeing any hope of overcoming it. In fact, in the end I underwent major surgery to remove most of my stomach in order to cure my obesity, and I'd do it again in a heartbeat. </p> <p>Yes, it's insensitive and seems completely crazy but it's hard to understand the constant negative judgment that's put on obese women unless you've been there. </p> <p>None of which is to say it's even close to okay to make personal remarks about ANYBODY's body shape or size! </p> https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/being-verbally-attacked-for-being-small/page/2#post-533513 Tue, 07 Feb 2012 03:21:00 +0000 Angie 533513@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ <p>Sveta, no need to duck. Your thoughts are wise as always. Thanks for your perspective. </p> <p>Lyn, you saw my blog post and know how I feel about this topic. </p> <p>Some people are malicious while others are just insensitive without really knowing it. Either way, you have to hold your head up high and just get on with it. </p> <p>ALL WOMEN ARE REAL. End of story. </p> https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/being-verbally-attacked-for-being-small/page/2#post-533503 Tue, 07 Feb 2012 03:14:59 +0000 Sveta 533503@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ <p>Possibly I need to duck after what I am going to say here but I would like to get another spin on this subject.<br /> I think that sometimes we say things without thinking them through. I know I am guilty of this as well and then I beat myself up for saying such a silly and possibly offending thing unintentionally but it is too late to fix that. :-(<br /> I am not defending anybody here but unless these things were said with a malicious intent (which they are often not) I just don't pay any attention to them and don't allow them to bother me. God knows how many of them I heard on the account of my much taller that average height since I was a teen! Some of them may have been meant as compliments but because I was so sensitive to that subject they were all offensive for me. Now it is a different matter all together. I always take them as compliments and don't think about this another moment.<br /> Oh, and if those people are being mean and malicious I am not going to give them the satisfaction of spoiling my day! :-)<br /> We cannot change other people - does not matter how hard we try. What we can change is our reaction to the unwelcome words. Life is too short to worry about this.<br /> &lt;ducking out of sight now...&gt; </p> https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/being-verbally-attacked-for-being-small#post-533448 Tue, 07 Feb 2012 02:54:12 +0000 Amy 533448@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ <p>((hugs)) People can be rotten sometimes. </p> https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/being-verbally-attacked-for-being-small#post-533434 Tue, 07 Feb 2012 02:45:46 +0000 Transcona Shannon 533434@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ <p>I've been both obese and bulimic and have had people comment negatively on my weight at both ends of the spectrum. It seems there are certain people in the world who just want to be judgemental idiots. </p> https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/being-verbally-attacked-for-being-small#post-533367 Tue, 07 Feb 2012 01:52:37 +0000 lyn* 533367@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ <p>Wow; the nerve of some people to say such horrible things to my lovely ladies and their friends!</p> <p>I don't know how you stand it! Too bad people are so mean/not caring gah. </p> https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/being-verbally-attacked-for-being-small#post-533338 Tue, 07 Feb 2012 01:28:08 +0000 Suz 533338@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ <p>Una, that story is just beyond shocking. It is horrible. </p> <p>Lyn...I was going to do what Claire did and point you to Angie's post on the subject. Real women come in all shapes, all sizes. I do think perhaps Asian women in particular are subject to unfair stereotyping about size/weight (and are assumed to be smaller/lighter than they actually are, at times...or worse yet, EXPECTED to be tiny simply because they are Asian, which is completely unfair). </p> https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/being-verbally-attacked-for-being-small#post-533326 Tue, 07 Feb 2012 01:21:22 +0000 Isabel 533326@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ <p>AG... the story of your friend reminded me of something someone said to me two years ago. I don't know if you recall, but two years ago, an artery burst in my stomach ( the past couple of years have not been "kind" to my health ). I almost bled out and needed 14 blood transfusions in 2 days. I sent 13 days in the ICU and couldn't eat for 20. The doctors put a line directly in my heart to give me Liquid nutrition. That's how I ate for 3 weeks. After a couple of months recuperating at home I ventured to the grocery store where I ran into a neighbor. She commented on my weight ( or lack thereof ), after I explained what happened, she said, " God, I wish one of my arteries would burst ! " </p> <p>Back then I still had my senses, today I would have helped her with a major bleed.</p> <p>Do you think that they go home and say, " Why did I say that ? ) </p> https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/being-verbally-attacked-for-being-small#post-533318 Tue, 07 Feb 2012 01:12:21 +0000 nicoleb 533318@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ <p>I feel uncomfortable with weight talk in general. I never know what is the "right" thing to say and it also seems like remaining silent is ALSO the wrong thing to "say". </p> <p>However i feel like i'm never allowed to talk about my weight or issues because of the fact i am slim (in real life, not on this board). I recently was trying to talk to someone about it; for the past few months i have been eating what i want, sometimes quite piggish and my body has been continually dropping weight and i was expressing how i am starting to get a bit concerned for my health/hoping something is not wrong with me and the person's response was, "Wow i wish i had YOUR problems." Gee, thanks for listening! *eyeroll*</p> <p>Una - just read your post. Apparently this is a popular thing to say. -_- </p> https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/being-verbally-attacked-for-being-small#post-533262 Tue, 07 Feb 2012 00:19:56 +0000 rae 533262@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ <p>Wow, Una, it is absolutely horrendous that anyone would wish for an illness just to be thin - but that they've said this to HER? Ugh, it makes me so sick... can we make empathy classes mandatory in schools? </p> https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/being-verbally-attacked-for-being-small#post-533253 Tue, 07 Feb 2012 00:15:52 +0000 HelenInCanada 533253@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ <p>Alaskagirl, what absolute fools to make such a comment! It steams me up. Though this can be a great source of humour too. I remember a scene in Splash (sue me - it's one of my favourite movies ever!) when Daryl Hannah is wandering around Bloomingdales, and the sales woman tells her she wishes she had her figure so she could wear such-and-such - and then says, "My daughter is SO lucky - she's anorexic." (!) Pure gag worthy. </p> https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/being-verbally-attacked-for-being-small#post-533247 Tue, 07 Feb 2012 00:11:06 +0000 Jewell 533247@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ <p>So sorry you had to deal with that! I can totally relate. I am sometimes amazed at the comments other women feel they can make about my weight and size. Apparently it's okay to say things to thin women that one would never say to someone who was overweight. Those comments used to really get me down, because heaven knows I tried to gain weight but I simply can't get much bigger than I am now. And I don't dare complain out loud about having a hard time putting on weight or even talk about wanting to exercise for fitness purposes for fear of being nailed to a wall. Fortunately, I've learned to let most of it roll off my back. </p> <p>lyn* you are as real as any of us and as long as you know it that's all that matters! </p> https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/being-verbally-attacked-for-being-small#post-533241 Tue, 07 Feb 2012 00:04:10 +0000 catgirl 533241@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ <p>Just to add to the "inappropriate comments" thread, I have a friend with a serious neurological disorder that causes her muscles to spasm constantly. She is severely underweight and can't eat solid foods without choking. She talks to me all the time about how she misses the joy of CHEWING. She is an incredible cook and can't enjoy her own cooking any more but still cooks for others because that's the kind of lovely person she is.</p> <p>Anyway, I can't tell you how many people have told her they "wish they had her problem" so they could lose weight. Oh right - you wish you had a disease that made you have to retire early from teaching and left you unable to sleep, sit through a movie, walk or run comfortably, swallow food, and kept you in constant pain? </p> <p>It's unbearable. </p> https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/being-verbally-attacked-for-being-small#post-533224 Mon, 06 Feb 2012 23:44:52 +0000 CocoLion 533224@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ <p>When someone comments that I am small, I take it as a compliment. We are supposed to accept compliments with grace. What I don't take as a compliment, is constant teasing about being short, not being able to reach things, etc. So I am with Scarlet on the short-person bashing. </p> https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/being-verbally-attacked-for-being-small#post-533221 Mon, 06 Feb 2012 23:41:39 +0000 mirrorlight 533221@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ <p>Just chiming in to say I've experienced this myself - comforting to know others have felt the same way. We are all real women, regardless of size, shape, etc. I just wish some women could remember that before opening their mouths...! </p> https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/being-verbally-attacked-for-being-small#post-533211 Mon, 06 Feb 2012 23:35:09 +0000 HelenInCanada 533211@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ <p>How silly people are! Whether small-sized or morbidly obese, women of every size and shape are 'real'. Shocker. I NEVER understood the term "real women" (as that Target forum writer uses it), which wants to exclude people on the lighter end of the scale. Yes, professional models are "real" - they are working women earning a paycheck in the fashion industry, and that is it. Are they thinner than average? Usually. And...? To diminish someone in order to elevate others is never a decent idea. </p> https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/being-verbally-attacked-for-being-small#post-533206 Mon, 06 Feb 2012 23:29:34 +0000 rae 533206@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ <p>Amen to the health comments! </p> <p>There have been many times when people would drop off sweets and treats at my desk that they didn't want to eat because of their diets - some would get mad if I turned them down. As if I'm calling them fat just by watching *my* weight? As if I have a duty to eat until I'm as big as everyone else? Even though it makes me feel tired and clogs up my heart? I can only speculate at the reasons, but all sizes have their issues...</p> <p>ETA: I'm not even that small... especially for my age. It was just relative. </p> https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/being-verbally-attacked-for-being-small#post-533203 Mon, 06 Feb 2012 23:28:54 +0000 Michelle 533203@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ <p>As someone on the opposite end of the size spectrum, I wish I could show this post to entire segments of the curvy community who could use a reminder. People get so busy ogling the greener pastures on the other side of the fence that they forget to notice the people gazing longingly right back at them. There are pros and cons to every human state, and more people need to remember it.<br /> My friend Sophie has been very slender since we met at age 13, and I used to watch her take all kinds of flack for her weight. Never mind that she's naturally fine-boned. One particularly obnoxious girl kept making quips about how she must be anorexic, and one day Sophie reached the end of her rope. She whipped around, yelled "Anorexia is a serious medical condition, not a descriptive term!" And treated this chick to a pretty great harangue on the whole subject. I'll bear experiences like hers and Lyn's in mind if I ever reach that supposedly exalted land of straight sizing. </p> https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/being-verbally-attacked-for-being-small#post-533183 Mon, 06 Feb 2012 23:08:23 +0000 Victoria 533183@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ <p>I had people make negative comments about my weight before and the bad part was that I don't think they even thought that their comments were rude and in poor taste. My former boss saw me eating a piece of cake at the company party once and said"oh, I thought you were thin because you never ate anything". That is pretty typical from what I get regularly(I am 5'1, 100 p). A lady that I know from church, recently took me aside and told me that she was concerned that I had anorexia because in previous gathering I didn't want to eat greasy fried foods that were served. FYI, I'm a healthy eater and actually love fruits, veg and don't care for any junk food. I guess they think that telling overweight person"oh, you are so heavy, you should eat less" is rude but telling a thin person "you are so thin you must eat more" is ok </p> https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/being-verbally-attacked-for-being-small#post-533179 Mon, 06 Feb 2012 23:05:07 +0000 goldenpig 533179@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ <p>I agree, no one should criticize others for how you look!</p> <p>Feel free to ignore those losers. They're just jealous over how fab you are.</p> <p>Actually you DO look thin and petite in your WIW's, I was shocked when you posted your stats and you were the same size/height as me. You seem pretty average based your stats--count yourself lucky that you look so slender! </p> <p>I know Asians tend to be shorter in general than other races, but I wonder if Asian women also tend to look smaller than they really are because of the stereotype of the demure quiet little girlish Asian woman? I know I've dealt with this before with patients and others (even though I admit I AM rather shy and quiet and young looking for my age). Now I'm wondering whether I look my height or whether people think I'm smaller than I am too.</p> <p>Oh, and I would love to trade stores with that Target poster--all that was left in my Target was L and XL! </p>