YouLookFab Forum » Topic: Backsliding

YouLookFab Forum » Topic: Backsliding https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/backsliding-1 Style Advice for Fashion Lovers en-US Fri, 10 Apr 2026 00:43:06 +0000 http://bbpress.org/?v=1.0.2 <![CDATA[Search]]> q https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/search.php calmwave on "Backsliding" https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/backsliding-1/page/2#post-1500828 Wed, 03 Jun 2015 20:02:35 +0000 calmwave 1500828@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ Oh, the wisdom on this forum!  Anna, you could style a potato sack into something most of us would be envious of.  With your innate sense of style, you don't need to lean on designer items to look amazing.  I love what Manny said and will be experimenting with that viewpoint myself.   Hugs to you.   Marlene on "Backsliding" https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/backsliding-1/page/2#post-1500824 Wed, 03 Jun 2015 19:55:39 +0000 Marlene 1500824@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ Major hugs from me to you.  I know that fashion is something that really makes your heart sing and you have spent considerable energy building an amazing Anna-wardrobe that is the envy of so many here on YLF.  So to have your previously reliable designers let you down like this is frustrating and quite frankly a betrayal.  I hate them!  They are mean...   Anyhow, with that tantrum out of the way... Maybe consider getting some custom clothing items made for you to tide you over.  I doubt you will feel satisfied with your H&M pieces since you are just "making due".  Pick some of your favorites that you are missing and have them remade for you.  Maybe having one or two items that are high quality and fit you properly will help smooth out the edges while you get yourself back on track. You own the clothes...they don't own you. Greyscale on "Backsliding" https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/backsliding-1/page/2#post-1500767 Wed, 03 Jun 2015 17:26:34 +0000 Greyscale 1500767@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ One of the things that has always impressed me about you is your total fearlessness with style. It's epically unfair that designers aren't making clothes that fit you, because you wear them so well. I'm glad you found a few things that live up to your style standards at H&M, at least. It sounds like you've had a stressful year and I know that can wreak havoc with metabolism. I hope things settle down for you. Sal on "Backsliding" https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/backsliding-1/page/2#post-1500766 Wed, 03 Jun 2015 17:23:54 +0000 Sal 1500766@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ I am gob smacked by all the wisdom from the women who have posted ahead of me. So sorry you are feeling this way. I can't add many more words at the moment as it is very early here and pre coffee!! But I know the strong cool woman that you are will find a way through this. Maneera on "Backsliding" https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/backsliding-1/page/2#post-1500764 Wed, 03 Jun 2015 17:23:22 +0000 Maneera 1500764@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ I dealt with constant weight gain and weight loss for 5 years. It wasn't easy. Like you, I couldn't fit anything I wanted to wear, and yet no new clothes made me feel good enough 'coz I had much cuter clothes in my closet that I really really wanted to fit into. The problem was that I was comparing-----all the time. I had a mental image of what I wanted to look like and what I wanted to dress up in, and I felt miserable when that didn't happen. About two years ago I decided to give myself a fresh start. I threw out all the clothes I didn't fit into, I erased the mental picture I had, and I decided to try a complete makeover. In other words, I decided to start dressing for the body I was in at that very moment. I don't know much about you, but for me the problem resolved the minute I stopped hankering over the latest fashion trends. I'm curvy and I'm a big size, so I decided to dress for my body and accept my body - lumps, bumps and all. Style really isn't about your size; I've seen many very stylish women who I'm sure are above size 18. The problem starts when we 'compare'. In these 2 years my sense of style has evolved a lot. I completely stopped obsessing over my weight (something I've done since I was 16). I stopped trying to be a particular size and I stopped trying to 'lose'weight. I continued to get moderate exercise everyday, I ate healthy but didn't deprive myself of anything, and I wore clothes that looked good on me irrespective of what brand I could/could-not find sizes at. Somewhere in between I evolved a sense of style that gave me 100% confidence in myself. I no longer wish I was thinner. In fact I'm very comfortable being me. I also lost a little weight though I wasn't consciously trying. I went from UK size 16 to 14 and the change only opened up new style avenues for me. All I'm trying to say is this - I know it's hard to gain weight and feel ashamed. But it's OK. You can and will look stylish even with the weight. Just be kinder to yourself. And believe me, the day you stop chasing a perceived idea of what size you should be and simply start enjoying your life and sense of style, you'll be on the right track for life. SandyG on "Backsliding" https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/backsliding-1/page/2#post-1500755 Wed, 03 Jun 2015 17:06:37 +0000 SandyG 1500755@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ Anna, I was reading and relating to your struggle. Designer clothing will break your heart and is really meant for about 1% of genetically lucky women. I'm petite, curvy, athletic and as much as I lust after designer items with their great fabrics and arresting details, most things look terrible on me. So I was browsing the rest of the forum and Vix had this to say. I think it's perfect for her, and perfect for you as well. "my dramatic side has been underfed." You've got great spirit and a bold side. Figure out a way to fly your flag and regain your mojo. It's not always about the clothes. Dgusanl on "Backsliding" https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/backsliding-1/page/2#post-1500733 Wed, 03 Jun 2015 16:17:46 +0000 Dgusanl 1500733@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ Oh I hear you.... I lost and gained 20 pounds several times. And keep it off for quite a while and then pouf all of a sudden fall of the wagon. Sweets, wine and cheeses are my downfall I've never been very small, always a size 8-10 and am not fond of exercise ... Most of my clothes don't fit right now, but I just don't have the motivation to get with the program so too speak. I'm buying a few bigger pieces at the time. Does it look better when I'm 20 or even 5 pounds lighter? More than likely yes. Do most people notice? I'm not so sure. My style stays the same, it's much more difficult to shop for, but the overall look I present stays the same . Get friendly with your siccors and modify the things you buy to what you want and like. YOU are YOU no matter what size, your style is yours :-) Extra pounds suck, it's trickier to shop for and designers loose billions by not seeing the way women really are, that's their loss. Spend your money where your clothing does fit and flatter and screw them. milehighstyle (Linda) on "Backsliding" https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/backsliding-1/page/2#post-1500719 Wed, 03 Jun 2015 16:02:03 +0000 milehighstyle (Linda) 1500719@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ Oh Anna - I know, it's so, so hard to maintain weight loss.  I've also lost and gained the same 15 pounds multiple times.  I go though phases where I just don't put as much effort in my workouts or go overboard on snacking and for a while I will dodge the bullet, my clothes will still fit and then bam - wake up call.  What the others said is true - you have great style no matter what.  And also, love doesn't come only to thin people.  Anonymous on "Backsliding" https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/backsliding-1#post-1500712 Wed, 03 Jun 2015 15:49:10 +0000 Anonymous 1500712@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ Anna it might be that your choice of movie is very insightful and you should keep going with it! The character you were identifying with is sympathetic but rigid in her judgement about right and wrong. She's committed to a life that was difficult but that she thought was morally correct and she's devastated when she's betrayed. So she becomes aware of her surroundings, tentatively at first, almost as though for the first time, and then, as her choices are rewarded, with more confidence. It seems like you're regretting something you don't have now, and pursuing something you don't have yet and you might not be spending enough time being satisfied with yourself right now. It's annoying when you're not enjoying something that used to make you happy but it's a good time to give attention to something else. texstyle on "Backsliding" https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/backsliding-1#post-1500700 Wed, 03 Jun 2015 15:40:35 +0000 texstyle 1500700@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ If you want to get back to your lower weight ( and it sounds like you do), I'll bet you can do it. I've never really struggled with my weight but I did have that extra several pounds creep up on me in recent years - so this past year I have worked consistently to just watch what I ate and really reduced my intake of wine (I was previously having 2 glasses a night and sometimes 3) and I stopped eating or drinking anything after 7 pm (that depends on your sleep schedule of course but for me I like to have 13 hours or more a day "food free."). I still eat and love fresh bread (I bake) so I've tried to keep bread to the lunch hour and not with dinner. I allow exceptions. Anyway, for me, it's been a slow progress success and I'm down a size and feeling better. I do get regular exercise, but I'm not exactly super active since I do work on a computer during the day. Making some small changes and allowing yourself time seems to be the best method. viva on "Backsliding" https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/backsliding-1#post-1500688 Wed, 03 Jun 2015 15:11:57 +0000 viva 1500688@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ So sorry you are struggling with this, Anna. I do think there is so much pressure all around to be or look a certain way, and it can lead to so much personal disappointment. I know what that feels like. I fight a lot of feelings of displeasure with myself that really has to do with how I do or do not measure up to some external standard. It's so dangerous, that voice. Not worrying about the actual size of a garment is smart, as is focusing on items that feel good when you put them on -- they will always look the best too. BTW, I found those espadrille sneaker shoes you mentioned. They are awesome, and I am sure you will be able to style them well. xxx Vivian Windchime on "Backsliding" https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/backsliding-1#post-1500684 Wed, 03 Jun 2015 14:56:46 +0000 Windchime 1500684@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ Oh, Anna, I hear the frustration and discouragement behind your words and can so empathize! I lost about 15 pounds a few years ago and have been trying to lose 5 more ever since and so far just. can't. do. it. As a matter of fact, I've regained a bit of what I lost. Once we hit a certain age, and hormones and metabolism change, losing weight is one heck of a difficult battle, for sure. For what it's worth, you look drop dead gorgeous in the dress you recently posted, and I certainly didn't notice a weight increase. I hope you can continue to find fun and joy in fashion and to share it with us here. karymk on "Backsliding" https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/backsliding-1#post-1500683 Wed, 03 Jun 2015 14:56:26 +0000 karymk 1500683@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ Anna I am so frustrated FOR you.  To be a fashion lover (and example of fearless personal style to HUNDREDS of us here) and have your very medium taken away from you because a discriminating fashion industry decides who gets to play or not.   For now, focus on shoes, jewelry, hats and bags.  Get the things that let you express yourself and make you feel special and hip. And most of all, accessorize with PEOPLE on your arm who love you and validate you even when you're up 15.  Be absolutely DRIPPING in supportive friends. I hope you have a good trip planned this summer.  Maybe it will help you reboot and inspire you in ways you did not dream.  If you don't have a trip planned, why not plan a fantasy one on paper?  Feel better. K abc on "Backsliding" https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/backsliding-1#post-1500676 Wed, 03 Jun 2015 14:46:44 +0000 abc 1500676@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ Anna, I identify so much with your post. Frustration with sizing - I've never been a consistent 10 or smaller, so I have come to accept that designer just isn't for me - but it's always in the back of my mind. If only I could lose those 2-3 dress sizes then the world would be my oyster, or at least the designer clothes. I totally get your golden apple comment. I understand how hard it can be to be perceived as fat by men as well. And I did online dating as well and you're right. Totally judged by appearance. And its not just online dating. Same thing happens in real life as well. You're hardly given a chance by most American guys if you are on the bigger side. I may be biased but I always felt there was a huge bias against women over about a size 10-12, that seemed to be the cusp for American men, in my experience. Once you're in 12-14+ territory you are considered fat and undesirable. Maybe that is why I ended up with a Latin American man? I know I am stereotyping but after living in latam 5 years now I see they're not as hung up on women being thin to appreciate beauty here. I wish american men were more accepting but they just aren't in my experience. I don't have any words of wisdom. You've done better than I at losing weight and keeping it off. I would be willing to be a support structure for each other if you want to try to do something like eating better and working out just to have someone to talk to about it. I'm trying to do both but as always in my life it is a struggle. Take care, Anna. I think you are a beautiful, smart, observant person. Angie on "Backsliding" https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/backsliding-1#post-1500671 Wed, 03 Jun 2015 14:35:19 +0000 Angie 1500671@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ Anna, (((HUGS))). I empathize and can well imagine your frustration.  I will say it again, style is beyond size. I know you believe that too, but practically that does not help you now. You need some sort of plan to keep up your spirits, and I'm sure that the ladies here will help you. I wish I could work it out with you right now, but I am about to catch a plane.  It's very unfortunate that most designers stop at a size 10. It makes me angry. FWIW, you looked killer at the YLF gathering like you always do. Much love to you, and do keep me posted.    Anonymous on "Backsliding" https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/backsliding-1#post-1500667 Wed, 03 Jun 2015 14:32:02 +0000 Anonymous 1500667@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ Sorry you have had a tough year, Anna. I hope you can find ways to get more golden apples back in your life soon. Elizabeth P on "Backsliding" https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/backsliding-1#post-1500644 Wed, 03 Jun 2015 13:31:34 +0000 Elizabeth P 1500644@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ Not sure I can add any wisdom over and above what others have said, but did want to chime in and say that I'm sorry you are struggling.  I think it must be doubly hard given fashion is your passion and hobby, so it's not just about getting dressed, or a number, it's also about possibly redefining your interests. One thing did strike me - you said you were motivated by online dating pressures.  Getting and keeping weight off for others isn't the way to go... you need to do it for YOU.  And as approprio says, you don't want anyone who cares about that anyway.  Hang in there! jackiec on "Backsliding" https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/backsliding-1#post-1500642 Wed, 03 Jun 2015 13:28:22 +0000 jackiec 1500642@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ I love Thistle's comment; ditto to that. I hear the frustration in your post and feel so sad. The fashion industry really stinks in my opinion. Take care of yourself and give yourself a hug. You will never lose that wonderful, creative sparkle that is you. Janet on "Backsliding" https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/backsliding-1#post-1500637 Wed, 03 Jun 2015 13:18:15 +0000 Janet 1500637@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ Nodding along with Aubergine's last comment. I'm sorry you're experiencing this, Anna. I get it too. I've been pretty lucky in my life that I've never had an outright struggle with my weight, but I've had times of up and down that have nudged me into and out of sizes that I thought I'd left behind. It can be totally frustrating and depressing. This winter I picked back up some of the weight/size I lost when I started running a few years ago. I don't even own a scale, so I don't know what the numbers are, but I know what's going on by how my clothes fit. In my case, right now, I'm starting to realize that my body is changing as a result of hormonal changes (yeah, I thought my belly would shrink back to its concave self after getting the bazillion fibroids and my non-useful uterus out of there ;-)) and I will probably never get that truly small waist back, regardless of how many miles I run or bike. I'm another one who is frustrated by high-end fashion's usual sizing issues, and by the fact that many designers cut for smaller, straighter figures than the majority of American women can attain. Shopping even on a neutral body image day can be fraught with emotional minefields -- it's even worse if you're feeling not so great. I sympathize and am sending you my emotional support long distance. I think stress is probably a big part of the picture for you, too. You have an incredibly demanding job and you're looking after your dad. Be kind to yourself however you can. You know where I am if you ever need an ear. Anonymous on "Backsliding" https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/backsliding-1#post-1500635 Wed, 03 Jun 2015 13:14:08 +0000 Anonymous 1500635@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ I always follow your posts.  I am sorry to hear this past year has been so hard on you.  Is there anything I can do to help?  Long-distance motivation and support?   Transcona Shannon on "Backsliding" https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/backsliding-1#post-1500634 Wed, 03 Jun 2015 13:06:57 +0000 Transcona Shannon 1500634@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ Wow. I could have written that post myself Anna. I had lost 75 pounds years ago and kept it off for 5+ years and figured I was never going to be heavy again. And then life happened. I have learned to focus on health more than weight in the last year or so and consciously make an effort to love myself. I am who I am, no matter what my weight or size. You will look smashing in what ever you wear because you have an incredible sense of style and no number on a tag is going to change that. Anonymous on "Backsliding" https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/backsliding-1#post-1500623 Wed, 03 Jun 2015 12:44:25 +0000 Anonymous 1500623@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ No advice here, but total sympathy. While I've never had the body for Anna-level designer wear (even if I can fit into the larger sizes on a good day, the one-two punch of being short and not having a straight-up-and-down figure mean nothing would really look right), having all your best clothes just barely fit is one of the worst things ever. So is having to consciously forget about the size on the tag to buy clothes. I think about 75% of the new things I've bought this spring/summer have been shoes and there's definitely a reason for that. You do always look great, and I can't imagine a little weight gain changing that. Suz on "Backsliding" https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/backsliding-1#post-1500622 Wed, 03 Jun 2015 12:42:07 +0000 Suz 1500622@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ Oh, Anna, I'm sorry -- this is tough. It's tough when one of your main sources of fun goes out the window due to designer (and other) sizing, and then when you have to worry about fewer dates on top of all that.  I've had some weight gain myself this winter after thinking I had it all beat, too, and it is demoralizing and frustrating. My only solace is that it is now good weather -- the time when I typically do get more exercise almost despite myself. I'm going to try to do my gym routine, of course, but I'm also making a conscious effort to get out for more walks. I know you adore hiking. Can you plan some great hiking days for the next couple of months? Even if they don't help you lose weight, they remind you of another enduring love besides fashion and allow you to enjoy it. You are so much more than the number on a scale. And you look beautiful in your bridesmaid dress, extra pounds or not.  donnat on "Backsliding" https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/backsliding-1#post-1500616 Wed, 03 Jun 2015 12:31:00 +0000 donnat 1500616@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ This is the reason I do not post my wiw. I have been faithfully taking them but am not confident enough to post them. I too have gained 20 lbs and that is alot for a short person. Sorry I am not much help, but you do still look awsome. You have great fashion sense. You will get back on the diet and fitness bandwagon. It is really hard in our society. ...and you don't want one of those "no fat chicks" guys Thistle on "Backsliding" https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/backsliding-1#post-1500609 Wed, 03 Jun 2015 12:21:37 +0000 Thistle 1500609@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ I hear your pain. I appreciate it.  I have struggled my entire life with my weight.  I have ranged in sizes from a size 4 at my smallest (and while I was struggling with eating disorders) to well into plus sizes after suffering back to back miscarriages. It's not you, it's our society. It worships youth, it worships being thin, and the two industries to sell those products are worth over 100 billion a year. Just the weight loss industry is 60 billion. So remember, you are facing this as well. If you are genetically predisposed to be thin, you will always fight it. There was a book on Already Pretty where the author is one of the few not on diet company payrolls that discusses this. The only thing I can offer you is science says this doesn't equate to health, health doesn't equate to thin. You can be healthy at a size 12 or 14 or whatever. You have a lot more control over being healthy than you do being thin (dieting creates starvation mode, etc.) I need to wrap up this long post, so my advice is love yourself and take care of yourself whatever the tag says. Screw the high end designers. If they don't make clothes that fit your perfect self the way you are, spend your money elsewhere. Olivegreen on "Backsliding" https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/backsliding-1#post-1500603 Wed, 03 Jun 2015 12:15:18 +0000 Olivegreen 1500603@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ I feel like i have dressed several bodies over the last ten years...in my case it is menopause. Quite seriously, from 96 pounds to 128. With waffling in the middle pounds, and very restrictive paleo, a quite challenging exercise programme, and a dog :-). No dice at really controlling it for long. Just discovered have ulcers so hoping getting that treated will even things out. But at some point, just got to where I am grateful to be strong. I seemed to expect more from my looks than others, who do not beat me up for getting older and square. Even the very small kids in the class just like me for who I am, grey hair and all...they expect grown ups to look like older people. It seems appropriate to them. I am now as smart as a first grader, that seemed to be wisdom. You are a lot younger and I sure get the dating thing. Men like women who look young and svelte, no question. But they also like smart, confident, funny women, and I discovered as i dated other divorced people in middle age, that they had learned a lot from picking partners based entirely on looks...and were open to not making that kind of decision again. So, as the rest of the ladies say, be comfortable and fierce. Approprio is right on. marianna on "Backsliding" https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/backsliding-1#post-1500601 Wed, 03 Jun 2015 12:13:25 +0000 marianna 1500601@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ Me too, me too, except I've never kept it off for 5 years. I can never figure out why I go through periods where I am SO motivated and SO disciplined and then all of a sudden all the discipline goes away. No advice, just commiserating with you. Jaime on "Backsliding" https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/backsliding-1#post-1500593 Wed, 03 Jun 2015 12:01:25 +0000 Jaime 1500593@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ Does misery love company? I have also put on weight this year when my period went haywire and with it my appetite. It is frustrating not to fit in some old favorites or not have things look like I expect them to. On the other hand, I get a lot of positive feedback on my shoes from random passerbys. Style trumps size. I really believe that.  frannieb on "Backsliding" https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/backsliding-1#post-1500586 Wed, 03 Jun 2015 11:34:30 +0000 frannieb 1500586@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ I don't know that I will be much help - I am a plus size curvy girl and 30 pounds ago - what i have gained in three years before that I was always cusp sized girl. I have never fit into all those brands no do I think I would ever look good in them because I am quite curvy when I weigh less and tailoring is a major part of my dressing expense no matter what size. So funny story. One of my K students in trouble said to me  Hey Ms. B you have big hips and a big butt - I looked at him and said you know after 44 years I'm pretty sure I know they are there and not going ot change.  It was seriously one of the funniest most freeing moments, because it made me realize ya know what I am so okay with my body. I'm sorry about the wieght gain - I hate hearing woman lament about their bodies.  Please be gentle with yourself -  Continue to dress in your fierce no holds barred way and rock who you are. approprio on "Backsliding" https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/backsliding-1#post-1500569 Wed, 03 Jun 2015 10:07:02 +0000 approprio 1500569@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ Argh! So sorry to hear you're struggling.  I had an unfortunate weight gain a few years ago after a lifetime of being pretty slim. I embraced a lot of loose fitting knitwear and stretchy lycra, and invested in lots of shoes. It's frustrating I know, but the best advice I can offer you is to continue to love your body and keep on enjoying clothes. There's a world of things out there which are great to wear even when you're carrying a few extra pounds.  And those guys who say "no fat chicks"? Believe me, you don't want one of those.