https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/ask-ylf-when-someone-asks-for-your-fashion-input-then-ignores-it Style Advice for Fashion Lovers en-US Sat, 18 Apr 2026 22:03:07 +0000 http://bbpress.org/?v=1.0.2 q https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/search.php https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/ask-ylf-when-someone-asks-for-your-fashion-input-then-ignores-it/page/3#post-2210502 Sat, 17 Jul 2021 20:09:07 +0000 Carla 2210502@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ <p>Excellent advice Phoebe. </p> https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/ask-ylf-when-someone-asks-for-your-fashion-input-then-ignores-it/page/3#post-2210472 Sat, 17 Jul 2021 17:19:03 +0000 Stagiaire Fash 2210472@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ <p>MB ftw! </p> https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/ask-ylf-when-someone-asks-for-your-fashion-input-then-ignores-it/page/3#post-2210442 Sat, 17 Jul 2021 14:54:45 +0000 Anonymous 2210442@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ <p>Maybe without getting into a full on "session" you could ask her who the most important person at this event is and assuming that she will not choose herself, how can she best serve the interests of that person.</p> <p>I filtered every factor of my presence through my daughter's best interest at her wedding and felt like I was exactly who she wanted me to be and who I wanted to be for her and myself. It was a shining moment then and I am still pretty pleased with myself now, haha.</p> <p>It's such a complicated time maybe she doesn't have to pressure herself to resolve everything with a statement at this event.</p> https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/ask-ylf-when-someone-asks-for-your-fashion-input-then-ignores-it/page/3#post-2210440 Sat, 17 Jul 2021 14:20:55 +0000 Mary Beth (formerly LBD) 2210440@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ <p>Wow.&nbsp; &nbsp;Having read all of this - and been in a similar (albeit non-fashion-related) situation - I would take a big step back and assess the friendship, i.e., knowing her, what can I exactly say to her to cut through all the dissembling, without crushing her feelings?</p> <p>And how do I handle this in a way that I don't feel resentful and annoyed that my time and attention are being pulled into this repetitive loop?</p> <p>In this situation, I would say, "Look.&nbsp; &nbsp;You keep asking me for ideas, and what I think.&nbsp; &nbsp; But you keep going back to these particular styles, and then you aren't happy when you look at the photos.&nbsp; &nbsp;So let's look at the photos and figure out what you didn't like about your outfits, and what would have made them something you liked.&nbsp; &nbsp;And go from there."</p> <p>And while I get that maybe she doesn't want to look like the matriarch-MOTG, and spend a bunch of money on a dress that she won't wear again... sometimes you gotta take one for the team, and satisfy the mob.</p> <p>Hmm.&nbsp; &nbsp;If you approach it like she's playing a role in a soap opera, and 'let's find you the perfect costume for this program', I wonder if that might appeal to her?&nbsp; &nbsp;I sense there is already drama.&nbsp; </p> <p>Maybe reference Lisa Vanderpump from Real Housewives of Orange County.&nbsp; &nbsp;She's a bit flashy, but she also has some elegant looks. </p> https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/ask-ylf-when-someone-asks-for-your-fashion-input-then-ignores-it/page/3#post-2210434 Sat, 17 Jul 2021 13:41:17 +0000 Stagiaire Fash 2210434@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ <p>Aquamarine, I assume the friend was assuming a built-in bra, which many dresses that would otherwise be "awkward" have. But I guess that isn't funny. </p> https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/ask-ylf-when-someone-asks-for-your-fashion-input-then-ignores-it/page/3#post-2210429 Sat, 17 Jul 2021 13:33:33 +0000 Aquamarine 2210429@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ <p>OMG…&lt;laughing so hard over here&gt;</p> <p>April, you are a kind and patient friend! </p> https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/ask-ylf-when-someone-asks-for-your-fashion-input-then-ignores-it/page/3#post-2210398 Sat, 17 Jul 2021 11:07:41 +0000 April 2210398@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ <p>Lunch report: first, it was just us ladies, no husbands.&nbsp; Second, I did hold firm in my resolve to be only supportive without actually fibbing if asked for an opinion.</p> <p>The part I am most proud of -- managing not to clutch my pearls at this:</p> <p>April: Yes, that [off-the-shoulder dress, pictured on phone] is very pretty.&nbsp; Not sure how it works with a bra?</p> <p>Friend: What bra?</p> https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/ask-ylf-when-someone-asks-for-your-fashion-input-then-ignores-it/page/3#post-2209951 Thu, 15 Jul 2021 15:54:54 +0000 judy 2209951@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ <p>Overfunctioning, what a great word, April.&nbsp; Life does seem to take continual practice :)&nbsp; doesn't it??&nbsp; &nbsp; Have an enjoyable lunch!&nbsp;&nbsp; </p> https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/ask-ylf-when-someone-asks-for-your-fashion-input-then-ignores-it/page/3#post-2209891 Thu, 15 Jul 2021 10:42:12 +0000 April 2209891@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ <p>Judy, it's hard to step away from "overfunctioning", isn't it?&nbsp; I think I'm more successful at that as a parent than as a friend.&nbsp;&nbsp;</p> <p>BTW, Mr. April and I are having lunch today with Friend and Mr. Friend, so I will have a chance to practice all these important skills.&nbsp;&nbsp; </p> https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/ask-ylf-when-someone-asks-for-your-fashion-input-then-ignores-it/page/3#post-2209800 Wed, 14 Jul 2021 23:48:15 +0000 Sal 2209800@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ <p>Thanks for that story - what a good phrase to remember Judy. I too have a friend that it may help me with. </p> https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/ask-ylf-when-someone-asks-for-your-fashion-input-then-ignores-it/page/2#post-2209793 Wed, 14 Jul 2021 23:10:05 +0000 Suz 2209793@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ <p><b>Judy,</b> great story and great reminder. I will try to put it into action with my friend the next time the problem arises (because I know it will.....)&nbsp; </p> https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/ask-ylf-when-someone-asks-for-your-fashion-input-then-ignores-it/page/2#post-2209778 Wed, 14 Jul 2021 21:48:18 +0000 The Cat 2209778@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ <p>Judy, thanks for sharing that story. Excellent point. </p> https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/ask-ylf-when-someone-asks-for-your-fashion-input-then-ignores-it/page/2#post-2209750 Wed, 14 Jul 2021 18:14:58 +0000 judy 2209750@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ <p>To Suz and Aquamarine's points about friends, a story came to mind.</p> <p>I was on the phone with a friend.&nbsp; This was probably 20 years ago or so.&nbsp; In this case, it was me doing the sharing about a problem I was having.&nbsp; She kindly and caringly responded : "Wow, what are you going to do??"&nbsp; This stunned me at the time.&nbsp; In that instant I realized a few things. One, that I was looking for commiseration because I felt so helpless.&nbsp; And two, I realized that she did not see me as helpless.&nbsp; In fact, she fully expected that I WAS going to do something.&nbsp; And this really helped me in that moment.&nbsp;&nbsp;</p> <p>Since then I have remembered that in a few situations with others and I've been the one to ask them what are they going to do.&nbsp; It's so easy to start trying to fix, to help, to give advice, to in some way take on another's issues.&nbsp; And often, inevitably the help is resisted.&nbsp; When I have remembered that question, it has actually worked remarkably well in that the one sharing seems to shift to a solution based mindset, that they are the initiators of.&nbsp; And I notice they leave the conversation feeling better.&nbsp; &nbsp;As do I !&nbsp; I just don't always remember to do it :).&nbsp; </p> https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/ask-ylf-when-someone-asks-for-your-fashion-input-then-ignores-it/page/2#post-2209510 Tue, 13 Jul 2021 17:46:53 +0000 Aquamarine 2209510@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ <p>I have a person like this in my life. I have learned she doesn’t really want a solution to problems, but instead simply wants validation and someone to listen to her and commiserate. It used to drive me batty (well, still does on occasion) but it’s better for my own mental health to simply nod along. It’s hard when you are a fixer or problem-solver, however! </p> https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/ask-ylf-when-someone-asks-for-your-fashion-input-then-ignores-it/page/2#post-2209503 Tue, 13 Jul 2021 16:59:42 +0000 Suz 2209503@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ <p>Ahh...this has been such an interesting and instructive thread.&nbsp;</p> <p>I found myself nodding along with so many of these responses.&nbsp;</p> <p>You're a good friend, April.&nbsp;</p> <p>And that's part of what this is about, too, right? How can we be good friends to those friends who both beg for and then resist our efforts to help? </p> <p>I have a friend like this, too, and I continually struggle with how to respond. It's not about fashion choices in that case, but the pattern is similar. My friend is not happy with herself, cannot allow herself to be satisfied or happy with herself. And that is the core problem -- one I can't solve. I can only let her know that I care for her. But sometimes, to be honest, I get intensely irritated and I have to set personal boundaries with her.&nbsp; </p> https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/ask-ylf-when-someone-asks-for-your-fashion-input-then-ignores-it/page/2#post-2209464 Tue, 13 Jul 2021 11:42:52 +0000 April 2209464@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ <p>LOL, MM.&nbsp; Friend has, in fact, told me about a hundred times that she wants me to suggest a good therapist.&nbsp; &nbsp;</p> <p>Does she want me to suggest a good therapist?&nbsp; Hell no - she wants praise for thinking it might be a good idea.&nbsp; Which I have provided, each and every time, followed by, "Let me know when you're ready to schedule your first appointment." </p> https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/ask-ylf-when-someone-asks-for-your-fashion-input-then-ignores-it/page/2#post-2209325 Mon, 12 Jul 2021 16:58:48 +0000 MsMary 2209325@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ <p>April, I think she really does need a psychologist more than a fashion stylist. What if you really engaged the question of "who do I want to be?" I bet once that question is answered, it will be a lot easier to pick a dress. (And if it's "myself at 25," maybe bringing it to the surface will make it clear that's not an option, so she can more to a more realistic idea.)</p> <p>And also? You are a saint for doing this! </p> https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/ask-ylf-when-someone-asks-for-your-fashion-input-then-ignores-it/page/2#post-2209321 Mon, 12 Jul 2021 16:47:16 +0000 judy 2209321@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ <p>Thanks, Runcarla !&nbsp;&nbsp;</p> <p>That's a brilliant story, Janet.&nbsp;&nbsp;</p> <p>April, you're a good friend.&nbsp; All the best in this adventure! </p> https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/ask-ylf-when-someone-asks-for-your-fashion-input-then-ignores-it/page/2#post-2209307 Mon, 12 Jul 2021 15:13:12 +0000 Anonymous 2209307@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ <p>April, you really are a good friend. You listened, but you also read the visuals and you came up with a dress that is sophisticated in a maximal way.</p> <p>I am so impressed, it would be a great end to the chapter if this is the one. </p> https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/ask-ylf-when-someone-asks-for-your-fashion-input-then-ignores-it/page/2#post-2209300 Mon, 12 Jul 2021 14:46:47 +0000 rachylou 2209300@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ <p>That Neiman’s is pretty darn fantastic. It’s so hard when you have to find something. Anything in a world of stuff is easy; one thing in a world full of stuff is torture!</p> <p>But rubber meets to road at the tryon.</p> <p>ps: I remember that Janet! A great ‘moral’ tale! </p> https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/ask-ylf-when-someone-asks-for-your-fashion-input-then-ignores-it/page/2#post-2209296 Mon, 12 Jul 2021 14:36:50 +0000 avicennia 2209296@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ <p>I love @Janet’s story. I remember it from before! And @April you are such a dear friend! </p> https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/ask-ylf-when-someone-asks-for-your-fashion-input-then-ignores-it/page/2#post-2209279 Mon, 12 Jul 2021 13:44:12 +0000 unfrumped 2209279@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ <p>Just chiming in to say what a good and sensitive friend you are being.<br /> And that I really like the suggestions to get friend moving on from online browsing/ musing, which could go on forever, to actual tryons, and best w/ neutral party but wouldn’t rule out y’all going together. </p> <p>Not wanting to hijack, but this post really resonates with me not just on my MOB dress experience, but with my evolving roles, goals, body shape, style preferences and how a lot of things I thought I liked or were “ me” don’t always look how I want when trying on or trialing and outfit IRL, and things “ on the hanger “ that I might have rejected may have a great vibe I never anticipated. </p> <p>I love the Flower Girl reference and can think of how it extends to many other situations of how one may be going for a certain look- and actually be able to know it when you see it— but continually barking up the wrong garment style-tree to get there, and needing some way to get that epiphany of “ oh now THIS is what gets me THERE- I never knew”. </p> https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/ask-ylf-when-someone-asks-for-your-fashion-input-then-ignores-it/page/2#post-2209272 Mon, 12 Jul 2021 13:24:21 +0000 Stagiaire Fash 2209272@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ <p> <div>That's why my original suggestion was an exploration trip early out with no pressure to buy, to see what works for whatever she wants to emphasize (and what doesn't). From what you've said, it sounds like she hasn't decided on flattery priorities. If she wants a small butt and a small waist, it's probably not going to happen. Can't draw attention to legs and face at the same time. Etc. Decide what she wants to focus on, figure out the elements available on "dressy" clothes that work, and then back to looking for the actual thing to wear. <br /></div><div><br /></div><div>Janet, thanks for telling that story. I remember when it happened, but somehow got wires crossed in the meantime &amp; thought it was your dress. <br /></div></p> https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/ask-ylf-when-someone-asks-for-your-fashion-input-then-ignores-it/page/2#post-2209271 Mon, 12 Jul 2021 13:14:36 +0000 April 2209271@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ <p>Much love for that story, Janet.&nbsp; :)</p> <p>So far, the accounts I've heard of Friend's (multiple) shopping trips have all ended in fitting room tears, declarations that "I'll lose ten pounds then try again," and vows to "take a week off from looking."</p> <p>I would guess this is because she's not using a good SA and is picking things to try on that don't emphasize what she wants to emphasize.</p> <p>Also suspect that if she told the SA "casual elegance", the SA would suggest items similar to what I've been suggesting.&nbsp;&nbsp;</p> <p> </p> https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/ask-ylf-when-someone-asks-for-your-fashion-input-then-ignores-it/page/2#post-2209260 Mon, 12 Jul 2021 12:13:29 +0000 Janet 2209260@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ <p>This from Ryce struck me as so true:</p> <p>“I never would have chosen either of my MOB dresses based on a picture. And the second one I didn’t even want to try when I saw it on the hanger. Neither dress was what I thought I was looking for — and both were perfect.”</p> <p>I think I told the story here a couple of years ago about my sister’s MOB crisis when my niece got married in London. My sister’s luggage, complete with MOB ensemble and clothes for the whole trip, never made it to London, and the airlines could make no promises. So when I arrived a day later, my sister was beside herself. Her first time flying anywhere overseas and this happens, much less for her daughter’s wedding! Well, I hustled her with me to Marks &amp; Spencer, and I was on such a mission, I simply caught the first employee I found and explained what we needed. Smart lady, she ran and found a wonderful sales assistant who told us to go have a seat and some water in the fitting room lounge, got my sister’s sizes and color preferences, and proceeded to bring her multiple options, including shoes and accessories, even a fascinator! </p> <p>The dresses were not what my sister would have chosen, but afterward she expressed that she loved what she wore so much more than the outfit she had planned to wear. Shopping with her for that occasion was a truly memorable exercise in taking a challenge and making it an opportunity — and a fun one at that! It was also a good exercise in relinquishing some control and letting others help us, which is something my sister and I both have trouble doing, LOL. </p> <p>I share this story because I think the experience could be a great bonding one for nice memories if it’s explored with a mindset of being open and trying things, rather than big expectations. Good luck! </p> https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/ask-ylf-when-someone-asks-for-your-fashion-input-then-ignores-it/page/2#post-2209256 Mon, 12 Jul 2021 11:58:47 +0000 Anonymous 2209256@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ <p>Big yes to Judy's suggestion! It's really something that should be done in person to try a lot of styles at once. </p> https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/ask-ylf-when-someone-asks-for-your-fashion-input-then-ignores-it/page/2#post-2209253 Mon, 12 Jul 2021 11:47:04 +0000 Star (Lise) 2209253@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ <p>I love the Etro Silk Hankerchief dress! </p> https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/ask-ylf-when-someone-asks-for-your-fashion-input-then-ignores-it/page/2#post-2209249 Mon, 12 Jul 2021 11:37:28 +0000 Stagiaire Fash 2209249@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ <p>Nice!<br /> Think she might like any of these too, so she has a couple to choose from at the last minute, according to mood?<br /> <a rel="nofollow" href="https://www.nordstrom.com/s/pisarro-nights-beaded-mesh-column-gown-regular-petite/5490678?origin=category-personalizedsort&amp;breadcrumb=Home%2FWomen%2FShop%20by%20Occasion%2FWedding%20Guest&amp;color=290">https://www.nordstrom.com/s/pi.....origin=cat</a></p> <p><a rel="nofollow" href="https://www.neimanmarcus.com/en-de/p/halston-ira-twisted-one-shoulder-metallic-jumpsuit-w-overlay-prod239510052?parentId=cat47050742&amp;icid=&amp;searchType=EndecaDrivenCat&amp;rte=%252Fcategory.service%253FitemId%253Dcat47050742%2526pageSize%253D30%2526No%253D150%2526Ns%253DPCS_SORT%2526refinements%253D4294846212&amp;eItemId=prod239510052&amp;xbcpath=cat000000_cat000001_cat58290731_cat47050742&amp;cmCat=product">https://www.neimanmarcus.com/e.....at=product</a></p> <p></p> <p><a rel="nofollow" href="https://www.nordstrom.com/s/tadashi-shoji-cap-sleeve-lace-sheath-dress/5922621?origin=coordinating-5922621-0-14-MOBI_PDP_1-recbot-also_viewed_graph&amp;recs_placement=MOBI_PDP_1&amp;recs_strategy=also_viewed_graph&amp;recs_source=recbot&amp;recs_page_type=product&amp;recs_seed=5922625&amp;color=ELM">https://www.nordstrom.com/s/ta.....dinating-5</a> </p> </p> <p><a rel="nofollow" href="https://www.neimanmarcus.com/en-de/p/kay-unger-new-york-walk-thru-sleeveless-jumpsuit-prod243200039?parentId=cat47050742&amp;icid=&amp;searchType=EndecaDrivenCat&amp;rte=%252Fcategory.service%253FitemId%253Dcat47050742%2526pageSize%253D30%2526No%253D0%2526Ns%253DPCS_SORT%2526refinements%253D4294846212&amp;eItemId=prod243200039&amp;xbcpath=cat000000_cat000001_cat58290731_cat47050742&amp;cmCat=product"><a href="https://www.neimanmarcus.com/en-de/p/kay-unger-new-york-walk-thru-sleeveless-jumpsuit-prod243200039" rel="nofollow">https://www.neimanmarcus.com/e.....d243200039</a>?</a></p> https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/ask-ylf-when-someone-asks-for-your-fashion-input-then-ignores-it/page/2#post-2209231 Mon, 12 Jul 2021 10:41:00 +0000 April 2209231@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ <p>Update: yesterday I sent two dress ideas.&nbsp; One is not available until after the wedding, so that one was out.&nbsp; But this one&nbsp;<a rel="nofollow" href="https://www.neimanmarcus.com/p/etro-printed-handkerchief-silk-midi-dress-prod231060297?childItemId=NMB5LZY_">https://www.neimanmarcus.com/p.....ldItemId=N</a>&nbsp;was met with love.&nbsp; There is a Neiman Marcus near Friend so she could go and try it on IRL, as she prefers.</p> <p>Whew.&nbsp; I'm not exactly knocking it out of the park, but I at least made one suggestion that might be viable.</p> <p>Ryce -- that's interesting.&nbsp; For me, it's the opposite* but I suspect you and Friend are on the same page.&nbsp;&nbsp;</p> <p>*I mean that when I'm feeling insecure about trying things on, I prefer to be in the privacy of my own closet, with my own wardrobe of undergarments/accessories available to me.&nbsp;</p> <p>Thank you all again for hanging in there with me! </p> https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/ask-ylf-when-someone-asks-for-your-fashion-input-then-ignores-it/page/2#post-2209204 Mon, 12 Jul 2021 05:15:21 +0000 slim cat 2209204@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ <p>I hope by the August there would be more options in the stores because right now I'm still answering the same question "That's all you have in dresses?" - "Yes, and it's pretty much the same in Macy's and Nordstrom ". We get new things every week ( mostly on Fridays ) and dresses are selling fast.&nbsp;<br />That wonderful experience with a client specialist with wine, catalogs, knowledge of the same dress in different colors ( or with sleeves ) is probably not achievable in current year.&nbsp;<br />I second the idea of lunch and easy shopping/looking at things with some SA help. <br />Getting seamstress consultation is essential - in my recent situation the young bride to be has asked classic black dress to be shortened to mini length, tightened in the hips/hem and was beaming with true happiness after all those things were done ( off-the-shoulder ruffled dress by Aidan Mattox ). She looked stunning. </p>