https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/anyone-going-through-a-mid-life-crisis-of-sorts Style Advice for Fashion Lovers en-US Mon, 20 Apr 2026 10:55:41 +0000 http://bbpress.org/?v=1.0.2 q https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/search.php https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/anyone-going-through-a-mid-life-crisis-of-sorts/page/2#post-2064998 Sun, 29 Sep 2019 11:05:45 +0000 Style Fan 2064998@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ <p>Naz, thank you for your thoughtful words.&nbsp; They mean a lot to me.</p> <p>Jess, I am so sorry that you have been through so much.&nbsp; I am glad you felt you could share this with the forum.</p> <p>&nbsp; </p> https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/anyone-going-through-a-mid-life-crisis-of-sorts/page/2#post-2064981 Sun, 29 Sep 2019 06:41:57 +0000 Anonymous 2064981@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ <p>Anna, hang in their. Things often happen when you least expect them to. With your dad and family, set boundaries. You need to leave time for you.. Plan another trip if it helps you recharge and gives you a new outlook on things. Wishing you the best year ever and belated Happy Birthday to you. </p> https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/anyone-going-through-a-mid-life-crisis-of-sorts/page/2#post-2064829 Sat, 28 Sep 2019 14:51:29 +0000 citygirldc 2064829@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ <p>@annagybe - sorry about what you're going through. In a sense, we are in the same boat. Old friends are around but are busy with their children and lives, and new ones are always hard to find and keep. I'm hoping we are all friends in this forum in a way. The good thing is we keep coming back here, so that's a sign that their is hope and light at the end of the tunnel. </p> https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/anyone-going-through-a-mid-life-crisis-of-sorts/page/2#post-2064507 Fri, 27 Sep 2019 10:38:19 +0000 annagybe 2064507@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ <p>So, currently in China, my VPN is blocked (do not use NordVPN, it’s crap), anyways somehow YLF isn’t blocked.<br /> I turned 47 earlier this month (doing the math, wow two weeks ago). This should be a big fun trip. But there’s all sorts of stuff happening at home and with my family. I’m trying to help the best I can (mobile bill is going to be astronomical), but with time difference and Dad’s bad hearing...<br /> I now realize that this will the last big trip I can do for quite a while, as I really have to focus on Dad when I get back.<br /> At the Summer Palace they had a temple section where you could be a red ribbon or a small hanging plaque to make a wish on for the coming year. I paid 20 yuan for the plaque and said I want to get married. Honestly it’s kinda a joke, because realistically it ain’t going to happen. Even while writing and trying to find a place on the racks... I was mostly laughing. I don’t be in manifesting your dreams through positive thoughts; working in a trauma hospital makes you morbid.<br /> I don’t have children, my friends that have them are drifting away. As are the coupled friends.<br /> I’m tired, a lot. It took all my energy to throw myself a very small, very casual birthday party. Luckily the attendees said they had fun.<br /> It’s hard for me to think of the future...because I see myself just plodding along, same as I ever was.<br /> So yeah it sucks, and I feel ya.<br /> Pictures of the prayer plaques </p> https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/anyone-going-through-a-mid-life-crisis-of-sorts/page/2#post-2062700 Sat, 21 Sep 2019 02:54:37 +0000 citygirldc 2062700@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ <p>@Flytigresse - I'll have to check it out. Thanks.</p> <p>@rachylou - mid-youth??? Oh I've so been there too. I feel this one is a bit different. But life goes on and I'll have to deal.&nbsp;</p> <p>@Isabel - Thank you for your kind words but please don't be sad for me. Sometimes I just need a friendly ear to talk to and for people not to judge me. I know my problems may be small compared to others, and I do thank God that I'm better off than most, but it doesn't mean they hurt any less. I'll try your method and see what happens. :)</p> <p>@Jess - I'm so sorry to hear about what you've been through. I'm glad we can listen and help out if we can.&nbsp; It goes to show you we are not alone. </p> https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/anyone-going-through-a-mid-life-crisis-of-sorts/page/2#post-2062458 Fri, 20 Sep 2019 06:59:57 +0000 Anonymous 2062458@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ <p>You are not alone, but I can tell you are a strong person and you will make it through! ❤️</p> <p>I go online often to forget my problems, I rarely feel like I can talk to anyone in person these days and trust they won’t judge me. </p> <p>I’m in my thirties, and during my life I have experienced physical, mental, and sexual abuse. Growing up I was one of those people always teased by classmates and never popular. I have health issues and also suffer from severe social anxiety, panic attacks, and comprehension issues in certain areas. My family is unsupportive and is part of why I developed my severe anxiety and panic attacks. I’ve lost people I thought were friends because they couldn’t sympathize about my problems and saw me as someone not worth being around. </p> https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/anyone-going-through-a-mid-life-crisis-of-sorts/page/2#post-2061784 Wed, 18 Sep 2019 00:08:50 +0000 Anonymous 2061784@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ <p> <div>citygirldc, sometimes I remind myself that at least I'm not in a fox hole with bullets whizzing by my head, or some other nightmare scenario being experienced right now by someone who just happened to land somewhere else. Most of my problems looked at from a different angle are opportunities many people would love to have.<br /></div><div><br /></div><div>It makes me sad to think that you're sad.<br /></div><div><br /></div><div>It sounds like you have a lot on your plate, working hard and yet not feeling much satisfaction. I try to apply maybe so/maybe not thinking when I can. It's a (supposedly) Zen Buddhist story that my mom told me years ago and that has made me see my role in things differently. <br /></div><div><br /></div><div><br /></div><div><br /></div><div><br /></div></p> https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/anyone-going-through-a-mid-life-crisis-of-sorts/page/2#post-2061698 Tue, 17 Sep 2019 18:13:34 +0000 rachylou 2061698@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ <p>It’s sorta interesting. Life is full of moments like this. I saw a thing on tv, a dating thing for 50+ people called Silver something. I didn’t know the colour silver was for 50 yr olds. I have to rethink my life now, lol. I thought I’d get to wear a red hat and purple dress at 50? I think the feeling is just a sign, that it’s time for a life-plan check in. Like the yearly check in for your long-term investments. I mean, I don’t know about other people, but I also had several mid-youth crises... so I think it’s a way of life... </p> https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/anyone-going-through-a-mid-life-crisis-of-sorts/page/2#post-2061662 Tue, 17 Sep 2019 17:31:17 +0000 Flytigress 2061662@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ <p>I really like the podcast "This is 50:&nbsp; The Sheri + Nancy Show."&nbsp; It's all about midlife and it's positive and funny (and realistic).</p> <p><a rel="nofollow" href="https://thepillarlife.com/sheri-nancy-show/">https://thepillarlife.com/sheri-nancy-show/</a> </p> https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/anyone-going-through-a-mid-life-crisis-of-sorts/page/2#post-2061574 Tue, 17 Sep 2019 11:07:41 +0000 citygirldc 2061574@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ <p>@Runcarla - wish could heal alt things. &nbsp;:)</p> <p>@ Jane - you are helping with listening. That makes a difference.</p> <p>@ Joy - It's just me and my husband, and of course my mother who lives 20 minutes away. &nbsp;Her big thing is my childhood home which she does not want to sell off, but it's just too big for her and she knows she can't maintain it any longer. But, she doesn't want to move either. Of course we've asked her to move in with us, but she refuses to move to the city and I refuse to move back to the suburbs. &nbsp;So she stays, using the fact the house is paid off, and it's just too expensive to buy or rent something smaller. She has enough money so that's not the problem. Anyway, I'm sure I'll figure something out.</p> <p>@Barbara Diane - I hope I find that peace somehow. And Thank you.</p> https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/anyone-going-through-a-mid-life-crisis-of-sorts/page/2#post-2061561 Tue, 17 Sep 2019 07:12:09 +0000 Barbara Diane 2061561@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ <p>I’m a big believer in getting outside, even for 5 minutes, even for 2, and focusing on breath, fresh air, sun or wind or. ....Focus in something-tree, building, sounds, If that’s not enough and it’s possible bare feet on grass, or earth, or.,,<br /> And when DH was in the hospital and I was going back and forth, healing music. </p> https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/anyone-going-through-a-mid-life-crisis-of-sorts#post-2061553 Tue, 17 Sep 2019 06:36:18 +0000 Anonymous 2061553@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ <p>I am very sorry for the typos in my first reply. I meant to say that you are certainly not alone. It is so hard to understand the elderly. My mother used to love reading magazines so I would bring her several. She told me to stop. That they were just repeating old stuff that she had read before, now I finally get it as I see the same thing. I tried to get my father out of the nursing home on little excursions, but he felt safe there.<br /> Your mother wants to know that her life has made a difference. Thank her for any of the interests and influences she has passed to you and others. Remember that honoring your mother means that you are have her in a safe place. You, as an adult, are not required to obey her every whelm. I still feel sad that my mother was planning to live with us. I had two children at home to care for and a busy life. I was not medically trained or physically strong enough to care for a woman in the late stages of MS, nor could we take living with my father who was hard of hearing and refused hearing aides, who kept the tv blaring, constantly changing the stations. I could not do it. You are not alone. Set limits even though it is very hard. Your own family must come first. I am wishing you the best of outcomes. </p> https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/anyone-going-through-a-mid-life-crisis-of-sorts#post-2061544 Tue, 17 Sep 2019 06:08:24 +0000 Jane 2061544@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ <p>I am sending you a big hug and wishing you well. I think that asking for help is really powerful because I think we all want to help each other in a kind of human to human way. I so often forget how to do this but I am slowly learning to think ‘how can I get help with this’. Xxx </p> https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/anyone-going-through-a-mid-life-crisis-of-sorts#post-2061372 Mon, 16 Sep 2019 15:58:59 +0000 Carla 2061372@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ <p>@citygirldc - re: faith...my mother believes, and repeats, ‘God doesn’t intend for me to be poor’. I wish I had faith like that! </p> https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/anyone-going-through-a-mid-life-crisis-of-sorts#post-2061368 Mon, 16 Sep 2019 15:43:55 +0000 citygirldc 2061368@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ <p>@Suz - I'm trying to figure out what fun means anymore? It's gotten a bit boring for me. Friends are busy with their lives and families and while we do get out, its less and far between. My friends aren't really into fashion or clothes.&nbsp; I have a regular work week, come home, make dinner, see hubby, read or watch something, and go to bed. Then the weekend comes along to run errands, possibly go out for a run or bike ride with hubby, see mom another day. I feel like time is too short to do anything else. Thank you for your wise words and will consider everything you say. Hugs to you.&nbsp; </p> https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/anyone-going-through-a-mid-life-crisis-of-sorts#post-2061364 Mon, 16 Sep 2019 15:36:26 +0000 citygirldc 2061364@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ <p>Hi all. Hope your weekend was a pleasant and thank you all for support. Sorry for not responding to those I haven't responded, but I was at my mom's ;). New week, new mentality. Let's see how I feel by the end of the week. </p> <p>@torontogirl - Luckilyl my mom isn't sick. She stopped smoking 3 months ago so that's something wonderful. Not that she was a heavy smoker, but she knew the time was right. Maybe the withdrawal makes her moody so she takes it out on me. She's become very impatient when we do things. As for style, NO YOU ROCK! :)</p> <p>@cindysmith - Sounds like you have a wonderful mother. I love mine too but unfortunately she's not always right especially in terms of health care and that her faith will take care of her. NO taking anti-depressants because the pharmaceutical companies and doctors push their meds to make money. She believes family comes first, and anyone outside of that is secondary. Anyway, I t</p> <p>As for going out shopping due to mid-life crisis, my mom's constantly telling me "do you really need that?" mentality, makes shopping less fun. The sad thing is she used to love shopping. </p> <p>@karen13- I try to do things for myself but somehow the bad overshadows the good. I will definitely make more of an effort to not the little things bother me anymore.</p> <p>@Style Fan - I'm so sorry to hear about your situation and of course I'm there for you too. It goes to show you we are not alone in our situations. It's sad that we don't talk about it more and have to hide things for fear of shame, etc. Anyway, I still like clothes and fashion and my red lipstick so that's something. The day I stop wearing lipstick, it will be a bad sign. LOL!!</p> <p>@kellygirl - Perfection....that's my downfall. I think you nailed it. I grew up being compared to perfect people all the time, still to this day. So if and when I make a mistake, it makes me feel awful and ruins my day. Like you said, I can only change things I can control. That should be my mantra. :)</p> <p>@Janet - Thanks for your recommendation on that book. Your situation sounded a lot like mine so this book will definitely come in handy.</p> <p>@Classically casual - I will take your suggestions. Thanks.</p> <p>@suntiger - Your 3d suggestion might be hard one for me, owning up to my decisions and not feeling guilty about it. </p> <p>@Sal - Oh DC politics... crazy times here. Work is good enough with daily dealing of the ambitious 20-somethings which make me feel old at times. Sometimes they don't know their boundaries which irk me but they are willing to learn. I do like to work out although I've been pretty lazy this hot summer. On a good note, I had a workout with NOVEMBER PROJECT social group this morning and felt good to get out there again.</p> <p> </p> https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/anyone-going-through-a-mid-life-crisis-of-sorts#post-2061354 Mon, 16 Sep 2019 14:49:03 +0000 Suz 2061354@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ <p>I can only echo what others have already said -- you are *not* alone, and it *is* hard.&nbsp;</p> <p>I think mid-life is actually so much tougher than most of us were led to imagine or believe. There is this myth that we stop growing or developing once we hit adulthood, and stop going through "phases." But guess what? The world goes on, things happen, our loved ones struggle or get ill, and/or also struggle emotionally or get ill. We lose (or gain) jobs, we feel disappointed (or overly invested) in our careers. We move, divorce, remarry, question our choices. Our friends and loved ones die, our kids and animal companions need added care or supervision rather than less, and on and on and on it goes. And somehow we have to adapt and adjust and go on acting like grownups (eeek!!!), and sometimes it's just plain hard!&nbsp;</p> <p>Being sandwiched between a needy parent and child (and/or high pressure job) can be especially taxing. Dealing with long-distance care of loved ones is another huge stress for many of us.&nbsp;</p> <p>I have no real advice, apart from what I (apparently!) said long ago. I try to take this approach also with my (supposedly) young adult child, also, but of course some days it doesn't work and it can be really frustrating to get pulled into drama of someone else's making. </p> <p>As for the interior stuff -- I like what <b>Angie</b> said about focusing on how important the stressor is relative to other factors in our lives (and really asking ourselves how much control we have over it anyway). </p> <p>For myself, regular exercise and time outdoors, treatment for depression (when it is an issue), and at least a few minutes each day on purely fun and frivolous activities can really help.&nbsp;</p> <p>I wish you strength, and peace.&nbsp;</p> <p> </p> https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/anyone-going-through-a-mid-life-crisis-of-sorts#post-2061268 Mon, 16 Sep 2019 01:29:06 +0000 Sal 2061268@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ <p>We must be a similar age (I am 50 next June).</p> <p>I am sorry you are having a tough time..and can related to some of what you are going through.&nbsp; There is grief for things that have happened, or haven't happened.&nbsp; I can't write much now - I hope to come back - but a couple of things that help me are</p> <p>1) All my friends of a similar age are also going through this too - at late 40s, early 50s most of us are not living the dream...we have good things in our lives - and tough things.&nbsp; Most of us have had some sort of extended family crisis, our own health or family crisis, many have had money or job worries....&nbsp; &nbsp;So I am finding people are kinder, more understanding and there is less bravado and trying to pretend we have it sorted.</p> <p>2) What Karen said - taking baby steps is sometimes all that is possible.&nbsp;</p> <p>3) For me, I don't like to put pressure on myself around NOT eating sugar, or NOT drinking wine, or running 10km in 50 min etc.&nbsp; I do eat healthily 80% of the time, and I have more nights without a glass of wine than I do with one, I am running 10km.....but I am not adding extra pressure to be fast or do any time.&nbsp;&nbsp;</p> <p>I do think that the general state of politics is really depressing right now.&nbsp; Being in DC I think this must be overwhelming.... </p> https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/anyone-going-through-a-mid-life-crisis-of-sorts#post-2061248 Mon, 16 Sep 2019 00:55:53 +0000 Anonymous 2061248@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ <p>Hugs! Yes to all that-except the milestone birthday.<br /> There's a few things that help me, that could help you too.<br /> 1. Mindfulness. It doesn't have to be a formal practice, just stopping where you are to be aware of the sights, sounds, smells here and now. When I stop I may see an animal that I hadn't noticed. In the city, it could be amazing architecture. This goes along with...<br /> 2. Gratitude. For the gifts of health, good food to eat, payday, the people that maintain the roads, a stable home, etc. It's most important when things seem hardest.<br /> 3. Honoring-owning your decisions. Even the choices that you don't feel good about now, you take power back by honoring that you made those choices with what you knew and felt then. And owning the choices going forward. It may be skipping the gym today to go shopping instead. I chose this today, maybe tomorrow I make a different choice.<br /> I'm here for you if you want to PM me. </p> https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/anyone-going-through-a-mid-life-crisis-of-sorts#post-2061242 Mon, 16 Sep 2019 00:37:34 +0000 Classically Casual 2061242@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ <p>Incorporate anything and everything that will make your day easier with your parent. I gave myself a reward of a latte, during long doctor appointments/ drives to and from. By the time we got to hospice care I was sniffing palo santo in the car to shift my energy before going indoors.<br /> Just do whatever works for you....you’ll get through it. </p> https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/anyone-going-through-a-mid-life-crisis-of-sorts#post-2061220 Sun, 15 Sep 2019 23:53:42 +0000 Janet 2061220@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ <p>I think I have recommended this book a couple of times here before:</p> <p><a href="https://www.amazon.com/Coping-Your-Difficult-Older-Parent/dp/038079750X/ref=nodl_" rel="nofollow">https://www.amazon.com/Coping-...../ref=nodl_</a></p> <p>I had a very stressful time with my mom as she got older and more dependent on me. I felt pulled in two directions as I was also feeling pressure from my (then-new) husband to be there all the time for him too. This book helped me learn to set boundaries, and decide that was going to appreciate the time with my mom. I had to shift my mindset from feeling obligated to deciding this was something I was going to do willingly and with love. And yes, that meant I had to have those boundaries in place too. The book obviously gets into much more detail and addresses a variety of situations, some of which may be more relevant than others, but I found it practical and supportive. </p> https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/anyone-going-through-a-mid-life-crisis-of-sorts#post-2061182 Sun, 15 Sep 2019 20:39:40 +0000 kellygirl 2061182@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ <p>Oh yeah, I can relate as well. I think the stress of being a caretaker takes an incredible toll whether it's children, a spouse or parent--it's easy to get overwhelmed and not take time out for ourselves. Milestone birthdays can be difficult too especially when we are dissatisfied. &nbsp;I've felt all of the above at one time or another and wholeheartedly agree with Karen's wise words about striving to make a few things better and not to aim for perfection. I don't know if I actually thought about it in those terms but that was my approach. Try to improve a few things that I had control over--that's my approach at home and at work these days. Sending you hugs. You're not alone.&nbsp; </p> https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/anyone-going-through-a-mid-life-crisis-of-sorts#post-2061159 Sun, 15 Sep 2019 19:11:54 +0000 Style Fan 2061159@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ <p>I am glad that you brought this up.&nbsp; Opening up is so powerful.&nbsp; I hope you feel less alone with the support of YLF.&nbsp; The forum is such a fabulous place.</p> <p>Yes.&nbsp; I am going through a life crisis.&nbsp; My husband and I moved when we retired (I retired 8 years ago from a job I loved) to Muskoka.&nbsp; He was very attached to this area.&nbsp; I am not dealing well with retirement or the move.&nbsp; I miss my job, friends in my old community and the urban lifestyle.&nbsp; And to top it off my dog died last year.&nbsp; It was a particularly painful situation because she was injured and we eventually realized we needed to say good-bye to her.&nbsp; We are still grieving for her.&nbsp; There are also some issues going on in my husband's family that are very complicated.&nbsp; What Suz said and Carla referred to is how I am handling this situation.&nbsp; I could write a book about that one.&nbsp; (Enmeshed family on ex-wife's side - think Grey Gardens).&nbsp; As I write this I am amazed we are still managing to keep it together.</p> <p>Yoga has been helpful to me.&nbsp; We also travel for 3 or 4 months a year.&nbsp; I am working on some future goals for myself.&nbsp; I might take Yoga Teacher Training, learn to play the piano or try to work a bit in this community.&nbsp; The later is hard because the community is rural and there are not as many opportunities.&nbsp; I made my wardrobe my retirement project which has been a creative and interesting experience.&nbsp;&nbsp; </p> https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/anyone-going-through-a-mid-life-crisis-of-sorts#post-2061148 Sun, 15 Sep 2019 18:37:33 +0000 karen13 2061148@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ <p>Hugs and supportive thoughts to you! Such wisdom here, I can't add much, but can confirm. It is so hard for many of us to prioritize ourselves when other make demands of us. Please take care of yourself!! </p> <p>My husband gave me the best advice when I was struggling with my dad's aging "Don't try to making things perfect, just make a few things better. And pick 3 things, not all things, to work on." I &nbsp;was trying to "fix" everything for him. When I stopped fight my dad on every little thing he wasn't "doing right" (and even a few big things) it helped. And really, schedule some treats for yourself!! You deserve it and it will help those around if you stay healthy. </p> https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/anyone-going-through-a-mid-life-crisis-of-sorts#post-2061051 Sun, 15 Sep 2019 14:06:17 +0000 cindysmith 2061051@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ <p>When I first got clean (sober) in 2005, I found a very calm and upbeat person hiding under all that melodrama and rage I had lived with most of my life. Fast forward about 6 years and I'm starting to be depressed and angry again. After a few years of that + major anxiety (and DH sending me to a mental health professional), I got on an antidepressant. my mom FINALLY convinced me that I needed to talk to my primary or an OB/GYN about perimenopause because what I had been going through exactly mirrored what she went through.</p> <p>Mom was right, as always LOL. My mom was able to take HRT, but I am not a good candidate for it (ex-smoker, high blood pressure). My primary and I decided that continuing the antidepressants was the best course of action, since they have less risks and were working reasonably well. She and I played with dosage, and we have finally truly gotten me on an even level. I feel that serenity and upbeat person pushing through the chaos of the last few years.</p> <p>All that to say this: yes, I have been having a midlife crisis. I even almost bought a black Mitsubishi Eclipse Spyder convertible (how stereotypically midlife crisis, right?), under the pretense of wanting a more fuel efficient vehicle. Reason won out with the car, but I have definitely added ridiculously high heels back into my fashion rotation.</p> <p>Whatever is fueling your midlife crisis, I'm sending you (((hugs))). I have found that this forum has been a very safe place to be open about whatever's going on with me, and I credit this fashion forum with helping me stay clean (sober). I'm glad you felt safe enough to open up to us, and I hope you feel life you are not alone. </p> https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/anyone-going-through-a-mid-life-crisis-of-sorts#post-2061031 Sun, 15 Sep 2019 13:14:31 +0000 Helena 2061031@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ <p>Just chiming back in here ... you've got some much great advice, I'm not sure what I can add, except to say give yourself lots of space and grace to feel sh*tty ... as a fellow overthinker/analyzer, I know sometimes I can compound the stress and problems by spinning my mind around how to fix it, and myself, and the situation, and then I read the news and worry about that and .... it's exhausting. Give yourself permission to have a crap day, month, year ... in the end, it's all part of the patina of life, and it's ok.</p> <p>As to your situation with your mom, the only thing I can add is to say, when my Mom was sick, I felt added stress because I felt guilty about any negative feelings I would have. After all, she was sick and I knew she would not be here forever, how could I be angry/annoyed/whatever with her ... it helped so much again to make some space that the crap stuff is as much a part of life as the good stuff. Obviously we want to focus on the good and reduce the bad as much as we can, but we in North America especially as steeped in such a culture of "positive thinking" etc. that we actually make everything harder because the natural dips in life start to feel like failures and that just doesn't help at all!</p> <p>Finally, I know for myself the last couple of years have seen me doing a lot of "woulda coulda shoulda" re: my career (more specifically for me, the fact that I gave up what was shaping up to be a successful career to be June Cleaver :D) ... again following my Mom's passing, something clicked in my head to say, the time for second-guessing is done, this is the path I'm on, what do I need to do to make sure the choices I've made (and the paths not taken) works out for the best I can make it. I actually made a picture for our living room wall with the word "maximize" on it, to remind me to shift my thinking to (as Angie would say) milking the life we have, vs. pondering what life we could/should have had.&nbsp;</p> <p>Anyways, I don't know if any of that applies to your situation at all, but if nothing else, know you've got another person who is supporting you; you are definitely NOT alone. And fwiw, your style ROCKS. xoxo </p> https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/anyone-going-through-a-mid-life-crisis-of-sorts#post-2061027 Sun, 15 Sep 2019 13:01:49 +0000 citygirldc 2061027@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ <p>@torontogirl - I don't feel alone anymore. I'm glad we can all relate and would like to hear your story too.</p> <p>@lisa p - wow. I think we are in the same boat. It's the mindless stress eating, weight gain, and other issues that come into play too. As if I'm not already stressed, I have to add all this to my list of stresses. I know what I'm doing, but I need to get out of this mind funk before I totally lose control and not care.&nbsp;&nbsp;</p> <p>I didn't think turning the big 5-0 would hit me so hard and I still have 4 months to go.&nbsp; Hah!</p> </p> https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/anyone-going-through-a-mid-life-crisis-of-sorts#post-2060917 Sun, 15 Sep 2019 02:39:37 +0000 Anonymous 2060917@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ <p>I have found that every time I open up to someone about how and what I’m feeling as I get older ( I’m 58) , it’s met with total understanding and commiseration . Aging has become the great equalizer , wherein how much $ you have , where you live and what you do doesn’t matter in the least when it comes to dealing with your health , your aging parents , and the reality of getting older . We are all the same . I haven’t necessarily handled it all well and had several very difficult years with my mom before she died a few years ago . I almost lost my job while trying to manage her needs , almost lost my marriage , didn’t pay enough attention to how many calories I was consuming , and self medicated my stress with wine until I ended up weighing a good 25 heavier than I would like . Some women can manage getting through this part of life without visible signs of stress , but lots of us don’t . I didn’t really subscribe to the notion of taking time for myself - because there simply was none - and if I *did* something unrelated to my job or my mother I just felt guilty and indulgent anyways . There is no happy ending to my story - it just is what it is . </p> https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/anyone-going-through-a-mid-life-crisis-of-sorts#post-2060916 Sun, 15 Sep 2019 02:39:19 +0000 Helena 2060916@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ <p>Citygirl ... 100% relate ... More later but sending a huge hug. You are definitely not alone! </p> https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/anyone-going-through-a-mid-life-crisis-of-sorts#post-2060896 Sun, 15 Sep 2019 01:20:47 +0000 citygirldc 2060896@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ <p>annagybe - I'll be here.</p> <p>Dottie - Thanks. I should listen to more podcasts but don't really have time when going to work since I ride my bike and don't drive except on weekends.&nbsp; I'll look into though and thank you for your advice.&nbsp; </p>