https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/am-i-turning-into-my-mother Style Advice for Fashion Lovers en-US Sat, 25 Apr 2026 07:18:51 +0000 http://bbpress.org/?v=1.0.2 q https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/search.php https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/am-i-turning-into-my-mother#post-450931 Mon, 24 Oct 2011 12:58:20 +0000 Janet 450931@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ <p>What San said. </p> <p>People sometimes make remarks when they see someone like you stepping up their game because they see something in the new you that they envy. I wouldn't be surprised if your mommy friend starts moving away from fleece herself. </p> <p>As for turning into your mother -- well, we all do so some extent or another. The fact that you're studying her style successes and not-so-successes tells me that you're on the perfect track to your own fab style! What I'm seeing in your WIWs certainly seems to prove that true. </p> https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/am-i-turning-into-my-mother#post-450914 Mon, 24 Oct 2011 12:16:55 +0000 Anonymous 450914@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ <p>A bit late to this thread, but I wanted to chime in. My mom was and is interested in fashion. As a young girl with a sewing and pattern-maker profession she dressed impeccably, if a little trendy. She was upset that her colouring didn't allow her to wear bright yellow blouses! She bought custom-made shoes ( it was the 70's) . Growing up to be an obnoxious smarty pants, I was all about : shoes are a self-obsessed vanity, I don't care about trends, etc. Some sort of rebellion. Poor mum just wanted to bond to my teen-age self, but shoe-shopping and clothes shopping/making were never fun for me. She admitted that and went with me at the used books store, library, bought me expensive books , let me play with my science kits, etc. Now, as I evolved a little bit my style and started having an interest in fashion ( that coincided with having money of my own), we yakk about clothes all the time, and she's the minimalist/restrained one ( perhaps this is a bit expensive). I bought her some jewelery and scarves for birthdays and name-days, and once told a relative of ours ( a young mom with 2 little girls): I am so happy when my grown-up daughter thought of me and bought me a ring, or a necklace or a charm bracelet. We go shopping together and it warms my heart when she wears something I picked for her.<br /> My mom makes style mistakes ( in my eyes) too. She has a penchant for prints I find a little of. But that doesn't really matter. I'm sure your mum wants to be stylish for you as well as for her. My mom thought a month what to wear to my graduation ad to "not embarrass you in front of your engineer friends". She was so proud of my grades, and my medals ( I would go in a lot of science contests when young) I had to stop her telling everybody.<br /> Every new generation feels more sophisticated, smart and liberated than their peers. You should cut yourself some slack and don't be turned off by thinking you will morph into your mum. You will not, but you got those style genes that push you looking your personal best. You are not vain because of that. Fashion is not wrong. Your mom wasn't wrong to play with her style. It's ok when you sometimes look like her. You can gently push her to a better style. I bet she will be so happy to talk style with you. You can have a debate.<br /> Also, my fiancée commented of my resemblance to mum's style. In front of HIS mother. ( Who suggested I buy some white flats for my wedding). He said: " She wears heels all the time, mum. She's a pro at this, just like her mother" I know I should have felt bad or something, I thought "You be we are shoe-super-womans" . </p> https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/am-i-turning-into-my-mother#post-450906 Mon, 24 Oct 2011 11:36:37 +0000 Sona 450906@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ <p>gp- you have received some very insightful replies. I will just add that in the pictures I see that you are more recent you and your Mom have very different 'styles' of dressing: clothes, hair, makeup. </p> https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/am-i-turning-into-my-mother#post-450861 Mon, 24 Oct 2011 06:15:00 +0000 san 450861@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ <p>You're perfect just as you are. </p> https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/am-i-turning-into-my-mother#post-450849 Mon, 24 Oct 2011 05:32:17 +0000 Bronnierose 450849@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ <p>Hi Natalie, the fears we all have of turning into our mothers! Hilarious, aren't we? Times are different, women's roles are different, fashion is different (and a lot more flexible) than when our mothers were young. My mother is now in her 80's and I would KILL to be able to wear some of the things she wore in the 50's and 60's.... alas, the time to make such gorgeous things (all her clothes were handmade by her and her sisters), the appropriateness of the items (gloves in a tropical climate?) and my ability to FIT into such gorgeous things, are too limited. Her style now, though, has not changed for about the last 20 years, and my mum, unfortunately, has decided that her look is the only one that suits her. She won't even come shopping to try on something different.<br /> In many things (not just fashion) people can fall into the trap of looking back at a time or lifestyle (or outfit) that they felt great in THEN and carry it on to NOW, which is not always a good thing. A search for something new to feel comfortable and fabulous in can just be too much to contemplate - it can mean letting go of what feels safe. Do you ever go clothes shopping with your mum? Can you offer some input into her choices if you feel they need to be moved along a little?<br /> Perhaps in your fashion journey you can acknowledge the creditable, lovely things that your mother wore and acknowledge that whilst you may have some similarities (a love of colour - which is fabulous,by the way) you are your own person, with a different personality and a different outlook on life. I love your outfits, and don't think you look overdressed (unless this means "pulled together", which yours do - love your shoes in Pic #4, btw).<br /> Wear what makes you happy and confident. The people who feel intimidated maybe just feel uncomfortable with where they are at the moment- we've all been there! I remember when I had two littlies and had no time for myself - and the most glamourous woman would come to ballet lessons. She was lovely, and shopped for clothes the way the rest of us MOTG all shopped for groceries. That lady is still a great friend, and I've found that she just happens to look like a model ALL THE TIME! That's her style - and whilst it seemed she was "too beautiful" from a distance, we all found that she's a warm, funny, ditzy lady who just knows what looks good on her. She's just as likely to have spilled coffee on her white jeans as anyone else (happened frequently with our girls running out of class!). As we watched what she was wearing, I noticed we all started to experiment and bring out the glamour more, too. Some mum's who stayed wearing tracksuit pants and t-shirts were comfortable with how they were and, whilst they admired her sense of style and pizzazz, couldn't be bothered to change - they acknowledged that and it didn't take away from our gorgeous friend. She never commented on what anyone else was wearing, either. Her style was just her being herself.<br /> Basically the moral of my stoy is - your journey's about you, not others. Maybe your happy, confident self will inspire them to step out of their fashion rut and experiment too! And if they are happy with where they are in life, they won't mind what you're wearing. But it may also be that your lovely self is just what they need to start a journey of their own. </p> https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/am-i-turning-into-my-mother#post-450811 Mon, 24 Oct 2011 03:36:50 +0000 mamaKate 450811@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ <p>Natalie, from what I have seen, the word that best describes your style is AUTHENTIC! Keep fighting the good fight and thank you so much for trusting us. </p> https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/am-i-turning-into-my-mother#post-450774 Mon, 24 Oct 2011 02:29:53 +0000 goldenpig 450774@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ <p>Haha Suz, don't worry about your comment! I posted that pic of my mom intentionally because I was struck by the similarity between her blouse and mine, both of us at similar stages in life. You're right, my love of loud colors and patterns must be genetic! :)</p> <p>I think you're right as well, you and I are at similar points in our style journey. We are makeover buddies! We're neck and neck for most rapid style evolution! Although I don't have such a fabulous and dramatic hair transformation as you...your style just clicked into place with that pixie cut! I'm amazed and excited to watch you grow into your new style too! </p> https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/am-i-turning-into-my-mother#post-450773 Mon, 24 Oct 2011 02:28:25 +0000 cciele 450773@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ <p>I think the answer to your question is "No -- you are evolving yourself" Everything we do, the way we dress, the way we act, it's all part of our personal journey. Have fun with where it takes you -- I love your evolving style! </p> https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/am-i-turning-into-my-mother#post-450758 Mon, 24 Oct 2011 02:13:18 +0000 Suz 450758@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ <p>Natalie, you've already heard some good counsel and advice here. And it sounds as if you're feeling a bit better. I just wanted to add that I hope I didn't unwittingly contribute to your fears today when I commented on your mom's smashing blouse in one of your 70s photos. My sincere apologies if that was the case. I thought (and think) that your mom looked beautiful in those photos. Much as you look beautiful today—albeit in your OWN inimitable fashion. :)</p> <p>It has been a joy to share in your style journey so far. Your enthusiasm is infectious, your intelligence obvious, and your concern for others always evident. </p> <p>I am on a similar leg of my own fashion journey, and what I have noticed here (as elsewhere in my life) is that change can sometimes be painful, even when we very much desire the change. Because one little change inevitably affects so much more. And so we ARE going to make mistakes, upset people without wishing to, and sometimes surprise ourselves. But we will come out of it all much clearer about who we are and why, exactly, we undertook this fashion makeover in the first place. Hang in there! </p> https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/am-i-turning-into-my-mother#post-450651 Sun, 23 Oct 2011 23:10:19 +0000 goldenpig 450651@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ <p>Thanks everyone for your kind comments and words of support! My style journey has been a wild ride and it's good to have you all to help guide me through the speed bumps!</p> <p>Claire, thanks for the insight about how you felt comparing yourself to other moms. That is exactly why I worry about the unintended effects of my dressing up, I don't want to make people feel bad about themselves. I sort of feel the same way sometimes about the other moms at my daughter's private preschool who drive Land Rovers and are stay at home moms because their hedge fund manager or venture capitalist husbands are pulling in loads of money so they sit around and chat with each other at dropoff while I'm rushing off to work. I can shrug that off most days but not always. </p> <p>But in terms of fashion, I too was a fleece and moc mom until recently (still have and wear them! Just not everywhere) and I guess I was just clueless because I didn't really care what other people were wearing or pay much attention to it. Now that I've started dressing up more, it's funny because I've also started to notice what other people are wearing more. And guess what, most people are very very casual. That's why I worry that I'm sticking out like a sore thumb when I wear boots or nice sandals to the park or the airport as opposed to the profusion of flip flops and gladiator sandals. But I would never say anything disparaging to anyone else. It's funny, now I can spot a "fashiony" person a mile away. I sort of get a kick out of it and try to compliment them.</p> <p>Sveta, I think you hit the nail on the head. My mom has always looked younger than her age but now that she's getting older, the difference in her age vs. the age she dresses is getting wider. She would never let us tell people how old she is. She doesn't want to be called Grandma, she insists that the kids call her Nana. She wants to look youthful, but I don't think shopping at Charming Charlie's or Forever 21 is necessarily the right way to stay young. Don't get me wrong, she still looks good looking and stylish, I just wish she would be a little less flashy. </p> <p>Ironically, right now I have the opposite problem as my mom--I'm always told I look young but I want to look older and more professional, especially at work. I wonder at what age I will start to switch to wanting to look younger, that will be interesting!</p> <p>I love and admire my mom. She's a tough act to follow in terms of what she has accomplished in life, getting a PhD, working and raising 5 kids. She's always prided herself on dressing well and looking good. Hopefully I can take that as an inspiration but still blaze my own fashion trail. :)</p> <p>Oh and PS the Chie Mihara sandals are actually quite comfortable and wearable (unlike my leopard heels which weren't so great for MOTG), but at least I did bring and change to ballet flats for the pumpkin patch! So I'm learning! </p> https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/am-i-turning-into-my-mother#post-450637 Sun, 23 Oct 2011 22:37:04 +0000 HelenInCanada 450637@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ <p>I can relate to your concerns about whether you are "overdressing" or "showing off" with your new style - I recall feeling the need to be more low-key when I lived in a different area of the city years ago, and would get stared/gawked at when dressed well (stares/comments which I did not enjoy.) How unfortunate for a girl who admired the fantasy of the glamorous life! When I was teaching, I certainly made it a point to dress more conservatively and wear low heels and flats - which I was comfortable in anyway. (Just modify the more extreme style elements.) Now, ironically enough, most women I see in my vicinity are truly chic and take care of themselves well, so I often feel sloppy in comparison! I admire style. It's not admirable to be a boring or bad dresser by choice, is it? It's a confidence and self-directed thing. You've got to strike the balance of pleasing yourself and dressing for your lifestyle. It's not really anyone's business to tell you how to dress (unless you are putting THEM down - which you are clearly not - or it's a work uniform / safety situation!)</p> <p>That said, I think you are overanalyzing a few innocuous comments. Of course, some part of your mother's influence (nice pics, by the way!) will naturally make its way into your subconscious and therefore your style. C'est la vie! Not necessarily a bad thing - and be assured that only YOU are ultimately in control of what you choose to put on each day! If you like an item or a look, great - nice coincidence! As for the underdressed fellow mama, so be it. Unless you are wearing sky-high stilettos to the playground, or dressed in a way that inhibits your ability to play with / take care of / enjoy your child...I wouldn't worry much about being intimidating to other moms! It's your style, it's their style - it's fun, it's an aesthetic, it's a way to infuse a little personality into the way you present yourself - no biggie!</p> <p>ETA: From what I know of you here on the forum, you are a very accomplished and kind person - your hubby and fellow mama friends should be super honoured and proud to have you in their lives, hip or not! </p> https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/am-i-turning-into-my-mother#post-450592 Sun, 23 Oct 2011 21:36:19 +0000 chewyspaghetti 450592@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ <p>Don't we all have moments of turning into our mothers? I know that I do! Don't worry too much about it, Natalie. </p> https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/am-i-turning-into-my-mother#post-450580 Sun, 23 Oct 2011 21:17:21 +0000 Kristine 450580@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ <p>You're not your mother, but you'll have a few things in common I'm sure. I find that too with my mom. Take the good from your mom's style and leave the rest. </p> <p>Try not to worry too much about your husband or board friend. I seem to recall your husband has made other disparaging comments about your evolving style. He might just be threatened and knows comparing you to your mother is a way to push your buttons. </p> https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/am-i-turning-into-my-mother#post-450579 Sun, 23 Oct 2011 21:11:56 +0000 Anonymous 450579@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ <p>Hi there. Big hugs to you Natalie! A few things spring to mind. One is your DH saying that you are/look just like your mom. In our house, them are fighin' words! I have issues with my mother and my husband knows this. She has the tendency to be an unhappy, controlling perfectionist. Sometimes I have to take a giant chill pill when we are getting the house ready for company or I will start acting just like her! I hope your husband is not still giving you a hard time for changing your style and spending time on it. His comments make me think he is still a little sore about this. I may be reading into it, but this could be his way of trying to get "back to normal". You don't dress like your Mom at all. Just the fact that you are wary of becoming her will keep it from ever happening. </p> <p>On the fleece-wearing Moms out there: I remember taking my first child to private kindergarten for the first time (the next county over). I'm sure I was wearing jeans, sneakers, a T and fleece; that was my Mommy uniform! I remember seeing some of the fashionable young moms dropping off their kids and feeling a stab of jealosy or something kin to that. I felt like somehow the bar had been raised and now there was something ELSE I had to do to be supermom. It was an overwhelming feeling that I didn't measure up, when just seconds before I thought I was doing just fine! Later, these toxic emotions gave way to the thought that maybe I could up my style too, but my first reaction was very negative, surprisingly. Sort of like if you haven't been able to get married/pregnant but all of your friends are getting married or pregnant. You mourn for the way that your friendship will inevitably change, even though you are happy for them. I have *been* your fleece-wearing friend, and I understand her insecurity. Maybe with a little time and reassurance from you she will come around. If not, maybe she has a little maturing to do. </p> https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/am-i-turning-into-my-mother#post-450569 Sun, 23 Oct 2011 20:58:04 +0000 sarah 450569@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ <p>Natalie, I will just say that it has been very fun to watch you grow into your style right before our eyes on YLF. Your style is lovely blend of polished and polished casual, and I would never describe it as "over the top". You dress in a very tasteful way, and I don't think you have anything to worry about! </p> https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/am-i-turning-into-my-mother#post-450567 Sun, 23 Oct 2011 20:55:47 +0000 Kristen 450567@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ <p>Without going into too long a backstory, let me just say that in the early 1960s my mother was Miss Connecticut. Her history colored mine just like your mom's did yours, and for years I rebelled against any kind of "dressing up". And over the years my mother has gotten more gaudy and borderline inappropriate, which made transitioning into becoming a "fashionista" in my own right, truly caring and exploring the way I look and how it makes me feel, a very difficult thing.</p> <p>The first thing I had to learn was my journey is not hers, and hers was never mine. That was very freeing. The second thing was learning to accept that putting time into my appearance didn't make me vain or inappropriate. And I struggle with those still sometimes, even after being on this journey for about 3 years now. </p> <p>BUT, the nice thing is that my mom is now asking for MY advice and copying some of my looks she sees on my blog. That's a huge turnaround, in my book. </p> https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/am-i-turning-into-my-mother#post-450558 Sun, 23 Oct 2011 20:45:04 +0000 rae 450558@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ <p>First off, those old pics of your mom are adorable! But yeah, maybe she hasn't figured out the age-appropriate thing yet. And I hear that you do not want to dress liker her - and I definitely don't think you do! She is a trendy bombshell, while you are a modest, classic one - but she is definitely having fun with fashion, and I think that's a great thing to inherit from her. </p> <p>RE: intimidating other women... I don't think there is any way around this one except to go out there and hang out with those ladies and be the same person you always were. I unwittingly intimidated an entire high school of females back when I used to wear men's Dickies pants and A-shirts every day... but once my parents allowed me to hang out with other students, these same girls admitted that I wasn't intimidating at all (actually, what they said was more like, "Wow, I'd always assumed you were a b*tch, but you're totally nice!"). Anyway, the point of my story is that people will find a reason to be intimidated if they are so inclined - all you can control is YOU and how you treat others.</p> <p>As for your hubby... man, I HEAR you. When I started dating my hubs, I dressed like a ten year old boy (baseball tees and walking shorts and sneakers), so dressier things scared him. He thought I was changing on the inside as well as the outside. Maybe you can point out things that separate you from your mom, like your waist-surrendering ponchos or your demure skirt lengths? Or if you see an appropriately-dressed older woman when you are out together, point him out to her, and tell him that's how you'd like to dress someday? </p> https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/am-i-turning-into-my-mother#post-450523 Sun, 23 Oct 2011 19:58:05 +0000 missvee 450523@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ <p>You've had some good advice here already, but here's my two cents worth.<br /> Whenever something good happens e.g. you lose a lot of weight, come into money, get a fabulous promotion, meet the man of your dreams etc, some of your friends will react negatively. They may be jealous ("why can't that be me"), resentful (" how can she afford those nice things), or insecure ("I could never look as good as she does"). You will probably never know what motivates the little comments that are being made, and it doesn't pay to try to find out. Just continue to be yourself, and try to deflect any remarks about your appearance with a smile and a short comment "it was time to try something different", and then move the conversation to another topic. Your changed appearance will soon be old news.<br /> Your other worry about turning into your mother is pretty unfounded. You're developing your own style, and it's an amalgam of many different looks, some of which are bound to be your mom's. So what? She must be a special lady to have raised such a thoughtful young woman as you.<br /> My advice is to enjoy all your new clothes and wear them with delight!! </p> https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/am-i-turning-into-my-mother#post-450510 Sun, 23 Oct 2011 19:22:19 +0000 Anonymous 450510@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ <p>Awww, your mom is proud of her daughter, the doctor! And why wouldn't she be? I think your mom looks Peggy Lipton-fab in that first photo. Treasure the elements of your mom's style that you enjoy and smile gently at the rest. We all have our foibles. </p> <p>As for your mommy-board friend, I say wear what delights you and let the chips fall where they may. Be you times two. You don't make anyone else brighter by dimming your shine.</p> <p>{{{{{Natalie}}}}} </p> https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/am-i-turning-into-my-mother#post-450494 Sun, 23 Oct 2011 19:00:16 +0000 Makrame 450494@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ <p>That is interesting. I feel like I am moving a little bit away from being like my mom and more towards being like my grandmother, whom I was named after. My grandmother, according to my mom's stories, was a very fashionable professional woman who had her clothes tailor made (that was back in the Soviet Union, mind you) and was admired by my mom's school friends for her looks. My mom, on the other hand, never liked to be a fashion plate, never used makeup, and I grew up wearing mostly fairly utilitarian clothes and no makeup. I think my mom's attitude might have something to do with my grandmother dying very young (47) and not having time to pass on her advice on dressing or perhaps with the mother/daughter "competition factor" that Vix has mentioned.</p> <p>In any case, I know that I look a lot like my mom and that's fine with me. I don't mind turning into my mother as I age since I feel she has aged quite gracefully and picks out clothes that may not be fashionable but are well put together. I think your mother looks beautiful in the first 2 pictures, and she still looks great now (you got great anti-aging genes from her, I bet). I think that as long as you make the best of her experience (such as figuring out what styles were flattering on her when she was your age and maybe using them to guide your own style journey) and avoid the trap of dressing a bit too young/tight/flashy (which you don't seem to be doing, anyway), you'll be fine! I would say your style has enough "edge" to it that I do not see it falling entirely into the bombshell category so you have quite a distinct style from your mom, as far as I can tell.</p> <p>That said, I do think Merrells and fleece have their place in certain settings so hopefully you did not throw them away completely. </p> https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/am-i-turning-into-my-mother#post-450491 Sun, 23 Oct 2011 18:43:49 +0000 Sveta 450491@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ <p>Natalie, the first 2 pictures of your mother showing a pretty and stylish young woman who is not at all "over the top". She is trendy, yes but is it really a bad thing if it is tasteful?<br /> Seeing other pictures (I assume they are more recent) and reading you description gave me this thought: your mom who was trendy and stylish in her youth may have fallen into the same trap as so many other older women. They do not want to accept the fact of aging and desperately try to hold onto their youth instead of embracing their age and dress stylish but age appropriate.<br /> So as I see it is not as much a problem of being fashion forward, trendy or dressy but being wise.:-) You have fun with fashion now - why should you deprive yourself of it? You have so many gret examples of YLF members in their 40s, 50s and 60s who are very stylish and age appropriate so you should know: this can be done right!<br /> As for choosing 4 in. heels as MOTG outfit...were they uncomfortable and limiting for what you were doing that day? If they were then you will do differently next time - and if they were OK you did not do anything wrong!:-) </p> https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/am-i-turning-into-my-mother#post-450485 Sun, 23 Oct 2011 18:24:01 +0000 MsMary 450485@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ <p>I think the photos of your mom as a young mom are gorgeous. The photo of her with you and the baby is a little... less so. Seems to me that she's maybe not willing to be age-appropriate even a little, which to me is maybe not so fab.</p> <p>You, on the other hand, are nothing but pure one hundred percent total fabulosity in every way. You are following in your mom's footsteps in the best ways, and not falling prey to the excess to which she seems inclined. So I would not worry about it.</p> <p>As for your friend on the mom board, I have to agree with Adelfa that it seems very much like she is threatened by your newfound fun with fashion, and is trying to bring you down for reasons best known to herself. Please resist the temptation to bring yourself down to her level!! </p> https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/am-i-turning-into-my-mother#post-450483 Sun, 23 Oct 2011 18:22:05 +0000 Alecia 450483@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ <p>Hmmm. This a loaded question. It seems to me that these feelings probably have to do with a lot more than just clothes. But just focusing on that question, your look doesn't scream bombshell to me. And it doesn't look intimidating. We broach the issue of other people's perceptions a lot on the forum since this frequently comes up as people's styles evolve. Some of it has to do with pushing our own boundaries. We feel more vulnerable. It does get easier, especially as you hone your style. Finally, I don't think you need to worry too much about getting to the point where you where heels everywhere. This is the most flat friendly fashion board ever! </p> https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/am-i-turning-into-my-mother#post-450472 Sun, 23 Oct 2011 17:52:43 +0000 Vix 450472@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ <p>There is a certain type of person who does not like to share the spotlight. </p> <p>IMO when this type of person is a very attractive woman who thrives on being noticed for her appearance (be it beauty, style, body, or all of the above) that can lead to a certain...competitiveness with other women. Hence the eternal quest to be validated, which evolves into being lauded as "young" when not young, still beautiful, etc. </p> <p>[Note this personality type is not to be confused with women who enjoy putting "their best face forward," so to speak, and think the more the merrier when it comes to other women's style/beauty/talent.]</p> <p>When the Spotlight Lover has a daughter, I do think the daughter can subconsciously decide to "opt out" of the game so as not to seem competitive with Mom and/or other women -- and the thoughts you express in your post seem in line with this.</p> <p>Of course I may be projecting. ;)</p> <p>Don't worry about what fleece-wearing mommyboard friend thinks or about intimidating others, or about turning into your mother. This is *your* exploration and is not really about them.</p> <p>[Though you can certainly address the topic with people by saying, "I was ready for a change, wanted to express myself through clothing, felt rather asexual and wanted to get in touch with my bombshell side" blah blah blah.</p> <p>And you can certainly address the topic with your husband as directly as you want!]</p> <p>IME these fears are so much bigger in our head than in reality. Most people will be very happy that your inner and outer sides are more in sync!</p> <p>ps But yes, probably best to leave off the ~ 4 inch heels when they are impractical.... </p> https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/am-i-turning-into-my-mother#post-450467 Sun, 23 Oct 2011 17:48:44 +0000 Adelfa 450467@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ <p>I want to be as kind as possible about your mommy board friend, but she sounds like potential trouble to me! It is really a losing battle to try to be nonthreatening enough for critically insecure people. Your new style is about being joyful and pretty and brave, and sadly some people will not want to be around that.</p> <p>As for your mom being fashion-focused... when my younger daughter wasn't learning to read, I asked her what was going on. "Reading is Christine's thing," she said, referring to her older sister. Luckily I was able to persuade her that reading was for her, too. There are enough books (and enough looks!) to go around, and enough so that you can take an interest in fashion and still be you. Totally understand the fear of turning out like mom though! </p> https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/am-i-turning-into-my-mother#post-450461 Sun, 23 Oct 2011 17:34:02 +0000 ironkurtin 450461@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ <p>Your mom is a part of you but she is not you and you are not her. Being stylish or daring is not something she alone possesses, and being stylish in itself does not make you intimidating.</p> <p>You're doing great. Questioning the journey is part of it. It allows you to make informed choices. </p> https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/am-i-turning-into-my-mother#post-450456 Sun, 23 Oct 2011 17:13:34 +0000 cheryle (Dianthus) 450456@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ <p>A few weeks ago we were driving along and I repeated something my mother had said to me. My partner laughed and said I had the mannerisms and inflection perfect for her. I wasn't trying to imitate her though. I also feel that I am turning into my mother but am much older than you are.</p> <p>I don't think you should let it bother you. It is expected that you will share some characteristics wtih your parents but you have control over how much or how many of those characteristics you display in your style. </p> https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/am-i-turning-into-my-mother#post-450455 Sun, 23 Oct 2011 17:06:08 +0000 goldenpig 450455@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ <p>I know my style has changed a lot since joining YLF. I've become much dressier and more daring in my fashion choices and I've started wearing heels much more often. I really do feel fab and happy with how I look and all the compliments I'm getting. But a couple of comments have me feeling kind of unsettled. The first one was when I posted my Before and After pics and shared the link on the fashion thread on my mommy board. Someone (who lives in my area and who I'd offered to meet up with before) commented that she would be more comfortable hanging out with the old me in fleece and mom jeans and Merrell mocs and that she would be intimidated by the new "fashionista" me. I don't think my personality has changed...I'm still the shy and nice fleece and jeans me, but maybe my clothes are giving off the wrong impression? I don't want to intimidate people! </p> <p>Then this is the one that really bugs me. The other day we were driving in the car and I was wearing my big Coach sunglasses and my husband was staring at me and I was like, "What? What?" and he wouldn't tell me. But then later he admitted he was thinking that I was starting to look like my mother. Gah! </p> <p>I love my mom and she's incredibly smart and talented and caring, but I've never aspired to look or dress like her. She is on Team Overdressed and wears lots of sequins or animal print and always looks like she's off to another gala. She prides herself on looking young and the best compliment for her is when someone says that she looks like she's my sister instead of my mother. Her clothes are often a little too tight/revealing and too young looking (one Halloween she even dressed up as a Playboy bunny!). She started bleaching her hair. She never leaves the house without her made-up "face" on and her hair styled. When we were young she was always trying to put blush and lipstick on us ("You need some color on your face!") and then my dad would see it and wipe it off ("Take off that makeup! It's too bright!") She wears lots of jewelry. She has bad bunions from a lifetime of wearing high heels. Once she was going to trek Macchu Picchu and I had to instruct her how to shop at REI and buy hiking clothes and shoes because she was just going to bring her gowns and heels. And she's always been into fashion--in the 80's she was totally into the trends like parachute pants and the Dynasty look.</p> <p>My sisters and I don't dress anything like her and we've never been into fashion much before. I don't wear lots of jewelry or do my hair and rarely wear makeup. But now I'm worried that maybe I am becoming her because I've started dressing up and becoming interested in fashion! Two things made me worry about this recently...one when I was posting my 70's look and realized that I was wearing a loud print very similar to what she wore when I was a baby. Then yesterday when I was picking my MOTG outfit, I was debating between ballet flats and my 3.75 inch heels and picked the heels because they matched my top. OMG that's totally something my mom would do...wear impractical heels everywhere. Also I had a hard time realizing that my style was bombshell because in my mind, my mom dressed bombshell and I didn't think that I dressed anything like her...although I consider myself more of a demure bombshell though.</p> <p>So I'm feeling a bit weirded out. I don't think anyone likes to be told by her husband that she is starting to look like his mother in law, right? On the other hand, I found some old pics of my mom from the 60's with my dad where she's wearing a yellow mini and brown lace-up go-go boots and I wouldn't mind wearing that if I had the chance. Maybe I should just aspire to be more like her in a more natural, less made-up, less blingy way?</p> <p>So am I too overdressed? Do I look intimidating? And am I turning into my mother?</p> <p>ETA: Thanks for the comments. I don't think it's only that mommy board person in particular...she seems nice enough. But I was posting on the board trying to arrange a local get-together and several of them were commenting that "I'm interested, but I don't have anything fashionable to wear!" like they were feeling pressured to look nicer because of the looks I had posted previously. That's why I was wondering if I was intimidating them.</p> <p>Also, I agree with Vix (very insightful!) that my mom definitely loves the spotlight and likes to impress people. She's always introducing me to people as "this is my daughter, the doctor" which drives me crazy! Definitely some of my shyness/fashion avoidance could have been a reaction to her. So I guess I'm kinda sensitive when my husband says I'm looking or acting like her. For example, I'm usually not a big party person and not very social in big groups (unlike my mom who loved to throw lots of big parties at our house when we were growing up) but we've had large birthday parties for the kids at our house before and I do like to plan everything and I'm always running around trying to clean up beforehand and inevitably my husband complains that I'm acting like her and showing off and trying to impress people. I definitely do not like to show off or call attention to myself, so it's very strange to me that now I'm gravitating toward attention-grabbing clothes like bright red corset trench coats and leopard print heels! </p>