YouLookFab Forum » Topic: "All the shoes"

YouLookFab Forum » Topic: "All the shoes" https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/all-the-shoes Style Advice for Fashion Lovers en-US Sat, 11 Apr 2026 16:43:09 +0000 http://bbpress.org/?v=1.0.2 <![CDATA[Search]]> q https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/search.php DonnaF on ""All the shoes"" https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/all-the-shoes/page/2#post-1489591 Sat, 09 May 2015 23:40:43 +0000 DonnaF 1489591@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ I wonder to what extent what Kari wrote is accurate, that people tend to be judgmental of those who spend money on things they don't value?  My mother is 500% critical of those who don't spend money EXACTLY according to her values even though those choices don't affect her.  Drives me nuts.  Maybe that's why I try not to judge, especially because it is none of my business.  Except of course I try to instill my values in DD and convince her that buying at F21 is throwing away her money since stuff falls apart almost immediately. frannieb on ""All the shoes"" https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/all-the-shoes/page/2#post-1489388 Sat, 09 May 2015 12:20:06 +0000 frannieb 1489388@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ Wow what a great thread - I do have a job in which I am judged by how I am dressed and look - literally every day families walk into my building and based on my look decide if I am competent enough to be a principal without a word being said. Knowing this I do run with it a bit - I like to push the edge and be slightly overdressed and bring the drama in outfits.  My new staff have come to appreciate my style and I am known as the style Diva/Fashionista by them - At the same time I am also known by them as pretty darn smart, tough and nails and competent at my job. I think we all find the style that works for our job and who we are and that is wonderful. One of the reasons I love YLF is getting to see all the different ways people present themself to the world. I admire all the different looks and styles. unfrumped on ""All the shoes"" https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/all-the-shoes/page/2#post-1489386 Sat, 09 May 2015 12:15:15 +0000 unfrumped 1489386@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ Such a great thread! I can relate to all the balancing of perception vs. Who cares/ does it matter. I'd rather err on the conservative side, but the biggest aha! was finding my own groove/ comfort zone. Since My biggest footwear investment is for AT work, and I have fussy feet, and I may have long hours and am up and about, I began to see how to blend comfort and style in a sort of signature way that kind of signals the serious professional aspects but creates interest. . That is why I gravitated to oxfords, loafers, ankle boots, and some more classic ballet type flats. I DO get some comments, compliments actually, and at time I wonder, is this a good thing or bad publicity/ notariety?-- but I somehow find it satisfying that said shoes, which might be " different", are pretty clearly functional at the same time. This kind of balance, admittedly it may be a kind of justification, makes ME happy though it does not have to be a goal for everone. It also gives me a target for updates, looking for interesting color gradations, great leather detail, style tweaks but really demanding that happy- foot feeling. Staysfit on ""All the shoes"" https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/all-the-shoes/page/2#post-1489342 Sat, 09 May 2015 10:17:18 +0000 Staysfit 1489342@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ Hmm, I just read this entire and very interesting post. In my life, I haven't experienced people judging me for my shoes, and I certainly have a wide and nice selection numbering just shy of 100. I don't find that what I wear on my feet or elsewhere diminishes how people perceive my intellect. I am certain that I'm judged for my professional ability and integrity. I think people look at what I wear initially, but I believe my personality is what makes the bigger impression. I can and do wear whatever I want - jeans and tees, sweats, scrubs and sneakers, or pencil skirts and pumps. What people leave with is my empathy, years of experience, knowledge and the confidence that I am going to try my very best to help their child. Marley on ""All the shoes"" https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/all-the-shoes/page/2#post-1489325 Sat, 09 May 2015 06:55:34 +0000 Marley 1489325@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ I agree with Traci.  We all make our choices based on our own personal situations - and that doesn't mean that we are judging someone else who makes different choices.  I once had a job where it would have been horribly insensitive for me to be "the woman with all the shoes."    At another time in my life I had a job where it was just fine (and fun!) to be known as "the woman with all the shoes!"  In both jobs I was making a conscience decision to present myself in a specific way. It had nothing to do with a double standard or being concerned that if I looked good  people would not take me seriously. I completely understand your desire to wear your shoes (you have an enviable collection!) - and I also understand Lisa's reasons for choosing not to - both reasons/perspectives are legitimate and neither should cancel out - or be perceived to be critical of - the other! Kari on ""All the shoes"" https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/all-the-shoes/page/2#post-1489226 Sat, 09 May 2015 01:19:21 +0000 Kari 1489226@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ I think in general, unless you're conscioously striving not to, people tend to be judgmental of those who spend money (and time too, but money in particular) on things they don't value. My fiancée can't fathom spending more than $40 on jeans or why one would need more than 3 pairs of shoes (clearly, I don't agree, but we don't judge each other for it!) I have a substantial, even ridiculous, collection of books and loose leaf tea that some might find excessive (though I know how much I spend on those items and it's reasonable cost-per-use, and we have sufficent storage space to make it possible.) Years ago I couldn't imagine spending more than $50 on a purse; now I have a couple Kate Spade bags that I got on a good sale and have proved to be good, durable pieces, but I don't value bags enough to go from 3-4 to 30-40 of them. I keep trying to remind myself when I start to get judgy about someone else's hobby/financial priority that as long as it's not something that's hurting someone else, it's just a matter of our having different values, priorities, and means. It's hard to remember that; and despite that I catch myself doing it occasionally, I don't like being judged for my priorities at all, especially when it's something that is very fun and happy for me (my pets, books, etc) This is from a wedding blog but I think it's totally relevant, about luxury shame and one-lowmanship: <a href="http://offbeatbride.com/2013/03/one-lowmanship" rel="nofollow">http://offbeatbride.com/2013/03/one-lowmanship</a> Echo on ""All the shoes"" https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/all-the-shoes/page/2#post-1488032 Thu, 07 May 2015 03:27:17 +0000 Echo 1488032@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ Traci took the words out of my mouth. Someone voicing their perspective and their personal decisions regarding any aspect of fashion should not be taken as judgement on someone who does something differently.  I may make certain choices depending on the field I am in, the position I hold, the city I live in, the people I work with, etc. But simply because those are the right decisions for me does NOT mean they are the right decisions for someone else. Someone else's perspective might help me change my own perspective, or it might entrench my own views even further, but it need not do either if I am confident in my choices. I didn't see any judgement of others in any of the comments on other threads. I saw bright, professional women stating what worked for them and why. I didn't see anyone saying that all women should feel or act the same way. Ledonna N. on ""All the shoes"" https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/all-the-shoes/page/2#post-1487899 Wed, 06 May 2015 23:35:08 +0000 Ledonna N. 1487899@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ Speaking of Dolly Parton has anyone ever been to Dolly wood? It is on my secret bucket list of places to travel. I fell in love with her back in the 80s in 9 to 5. That is one good looking honest woman with the voice of an angle. annagybe on ""All the shoes"" https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/all-the-shoes/page/2#post-1487885 Wed, 06 May 2015 23:11:36 +0000 annagybe 1487885@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ Finally got back to this. I fully realize that for some situations and professions dressing not so conspicuously really matters. I'm full aware of the double standard in academia, my father did research at a university. Also in many other professions, mother was a patent attorney. If you look good, then you can't be intelligent enough for your career. I also know students are extremely harsh on their professors. A family friend growing up was a professor in pharmacy, she always dressed well and fashionably. But she was also a tough as nails professor.  Not everyone is adventurous in fashion or life. But we shouldn't put down those that push the envelope. For example Dolly Parton has said on more than one occasion that her fashion idol growing up was "the town tramp". She is also hugely talented and a very savvy business woman.  Ledonna N. on ""All the shoes"" https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/all-the-shoes/page/2#post-1487841 Wed, 06 May 2015 22:28:02 +0000 Ledonna N. 1487841@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ I love YLF I am on Vacation so I won't be commenting on everything but I have read everything. Sometimes our comments get lost in translation. Or we tend to project onto others from our own situation. Each and everyone of us is as unique and individual as a snowflake or a blade of grass. We all.add to the tapestry of life. We may inspire someone without evening knowing it. I know Anna and Una and n Lisa inspire me for totally different reasons and our style fashion choices are as different as night and day. I was a stalker for a long time because I had no sense of fashion or style dieection. I enjoyed how people from many different backgrounds could relate in one way or another to each other on more than a fashion level. As far as shoes I am quirky and comfortable. I enjoy my self titled "extra freak flang and wave it proudly" when we stay true to ourselves we give others permission to do the same. Peace be unto you all. Angie on ""All the shoes"" https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/all-the-shoes/page/2#post-1487823 Wed, 06 May 2015 21:42:07 +0000 Angie 1487823@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ An emotional thread with lots of food for thought and wisdom. Anna, on this forum, you are known as the the one with ALL the shoes - probably in Seattle too - and in the best possible way. You are Queen Off Kilter, Queen Wackadoodle, and Queen Trendiest Of Them All. Of course your footwear reflects this style persona - and it’s a good thing. We need all extremes covered in fashion and style, and you represent that side of the continuum. It’s eye candy for more people than you think. The most important part in all of this is that you enjoy your footwear, Anna. It’s a hobby, they’re your wardrobe pets, and they make you happy. Your footwear strategy does not work for everyone - but it works for you. And that’s what personal style is all about. Rock on. OF COURSE intelligent people can have an interest in fashion. I have never understood the negative judgement. And speaking of judgments, it’s best to judge the outfit - and not the person. That way we are free to formulate an opinion about the aesthetics without making unfair and inaccurate judgements about the wearer. When it comes to standing out, being the tall poppy, or defying your environmental norm - again, it’s a personal decision. If it makes you happy, feel fab, and allows you to sport your aspirational style - go for it. If it makes you feel uncomfortable, inauthentic and unfab - you probably want to rethink your strategy. Blending in can be as desirable as standing out. I understand why Lisa and Gaylene adopted their footwear strategies because it makes sense for them.  Finally, I also would like to commend Traci on how astute she is about perceiving inaccurate judgments. Someone makes a choice that is suited to them for their reasons. They are not judging you negatively because you did something different - or at least - they shouldn’t judge you negatively for adopting a strategy that is different to your own. Take the time to understand their reasons for doing what they did. It’s always better that way. (And good for you, Una).  catgirl on ""All the shoes"" https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/all-the-shoes/page/2#post-1487786 Wed, 06 May 2015 20:20:37 +0000 catgirl 1487786@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ Just to add, my philosophy is that paradigms only shift when someone takes the initiative (and the brunt of any possible fallout) to shift them. I understand completely that being perceived as competent is crucial in any profession. At the same time, if I conform to irrational expectations, I'm only serving to reinforce them. I'm a relatively young female minority in a position where that's uncommon, so I'm already challenging norms anyway. Why not bring my own style to to the table as well? I like setting a new standard for women who may follow in my path. This is of course taking into consideration that groundbreaking generally comes at a cost for women pushing boundaries in any area of life, style included. kkards on ""All the shoes"" https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/all-the-shoes/page/2#post-1487689 Wed, 06 May 2015 17:02:59 +0000 kkards 1487689@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ yes, milehighstyle, i know that many i work with wonder how much i spend on my shoes---but honestly, its probably less than many of the just out of school kids i work with spend on going out each weekend, and they last a lot longer! i am one of  those " all the shoes", and i don't worry about it.... AviaMariah on ""All the shoes"" https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/all-the-shoes#post-1487669 Wed, 06 May 2015 15:35:07 +0000 AviaMariah 1487669@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ I didn't read the original post that you're referring to but I nodded my head all the way through your post.  I think you are on the mark.  Many times there are expectations that we should fit it; especially if we're professional women and getting to be of a certain age.  I too love shoes and, although my collection is extremely tame and boring compared to yours, it stands out where I live.  (I'm not sure I've ever seen anyone else wearing leopard print shoes in E. WA).  I very often get comments on my shoes in my extremely conservative environment but I've chosen to take them as compliments.  I LOVE YOUR SHOES!  There.  :) milehighstyle (Linda) on ""All the shoes"" https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/all-the-shoes#post-1487668 Wed, 06 May 2015 15:30:51 +0000 milehighstyle (Linda) 1487668@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ Thistle, I have those shoes in caramel - they are super comfy for a high volume foot.  For me, the point extends beyond my foot length, so you're not really cramming your toes into the pointy part if that makes any sense.  I hope they work for you too. Yes, I have "all the shoes" too.  And I get comments at work, mostly complimentary.  But once in a 401(k) benefit meeting, a female owner of my company commented that I had to set aside more money than most to cover my shoe habit or something like that.  I was very offended.  I spend far less money on things than others do - my lifestyle is very frugal and fashion is the only thing I spend on and I look for sales and bargains most of the time - and it's not anyone's business but mine. Thistle on ""All the shoes"" https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/all-the-shoes#post-1487665 Wed, 06 May 2015 15:26:35 +0000 Thistle 1487665@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ So, I was wrong.  I saw these and couldn't resist. I pulled the trigger on them, but I can return them if they aren't comfortable.  :)  They are all leather, with a low heel, but the toe worries me.  Yeah, I am sucker for shoes! Anonymous on ""All the shoes"" https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/all-the-shoes#post-1487650 Wed, 06 May 2015 14:51:41 +0000 Anonymous 1487650@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ Anna I completely agree with everything you said, and I would go even farther and say that as a more subdued dresser I'm grateful for the people who express themselves with style. One of my favorite memories of being in the arboretum was suddenly crossing a very well dressed, very good looking man in a hat with a cobalt blue feather in the brim. It was like suddenly seeing a wild flower in the woods, startling because of it's rarity, and yet a reminder that the natural includes the exceptional. Thistle on ""All the shoes"" https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/all-the-shoes#post-1487640 Wed, 06 May 2015 14:44:54 +0000 Thistle 1487640@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ I understood where Gaylene was coming from. At least where I work, it is a male dominated field. There is 1 other female manager (she's in HR) in my entire company. I am regularly the only woman in meetings and leading projects. The only one. It is my choice, but I feel like I stand out enough for my gender. I want to be noticed as competent and "put together" versus dowdy and frumpy. But that means following more the Midwest blandness. I am lucky that my style steers more preppy anyway. However, I soooo love your shoe collection and your taste in shoes. Whenever you show us a new one you are considering, I have to wipe the drool. Style Fan on ""All the shoes"" https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/all-the-shoes#post-1487636 Wed, 06 May 2015 14:37:09 +0000 Style Fan 1487636@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ I echo the comments about shoes and the healthcare profession.  I worked in healthcare and we had a lot of fun comparing shoes.  The work was intense and emotionally draining.  We relaxed discussing outfits and fashion.  For me fashion is a creative outlet and I miss that part of my working life. I do agree with the comments that women are judged by their appearance but then how silly of them to care so much about their appearance.      When I opened this thread I thought I was going to see some shoes.  Wow.  I entered into a very interesting discussion.  I will need to digest this some more. Anonymous on ""All the shoes"" https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/all-the-shoes#post-1487632 Wed, 06 May 2015 14:32:57 +0000 Anonymous 1487632@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ Oh boy. You're right Anna, and I apologize if I sounded judgmental of those who choose to have and wear a lot of shoes.  I only present my thoughts and opinions as part of a conversation, and certainly don't assume others share them.  My thoughts on that whole subject of shoes and how many you have were just me showing my experiences of working in an intellectual environment where I want to be known for what I'm doing rather than what new thing  I have on.   And you've hit the nail on the head: my own anxieties and issues can make me sound harsh and judgmental of others, and that's something I need to work on and pay more attention to.  It's one of the reasons I first joined YLF - and I hope I can make some inroads there.  Thank you for reminding me.  jackiec on ""All the shoes"" https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/all-the-shoes#post-1487603 Wed, 06 May 2015 13:29:16 +0000 jackiec 1487603@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ I don't normally participate if things get too heated, but I think Gaylene's comments are spot on and clarify the comments on the previous thread (which I went back to read). With all due respect, I don't find lisap to be judgemental. I find her comments refreshing and honest. Just as I enjoy the many varieties of your outfits, I enjoy the many varieties of people and their opinions on this forum. The welcoming nature of YLF make it a nice place to express and read comments, opinions, and style. catseye on ""All the shoes"" https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/all-the-shoes#post-1487600 Wed, 06 May 2015 13:15:42 +0000 catseye 1487600@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ What Traci Said.  I think there is something about shoes and the medical professionals.  I had a OB-GYN who is very petite. She always have on these very high heels and that is her signature look. She is also one of the top doctors in her specialty. So being known as the doctor with all the heels certainly did not hurt her professional reputation. Patients mostly only care about a health care provider's skill and nothing else.  But not all professions are the same. I was a professor before my current job. For teaching, I try to dress professionally, but not fashionably. You do want the students to focus on the right things.  The kids are infinitely distractable as it is.  Janet on ""All the shoes"" https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/all-the-shoes#post-1487593 Wed, 06 May 2015 13:02:41 +0000 Janet 1487593@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ I haven't read all the responses yet, but as another person who has a beloved shoe collection and gets comments on it (one of my colleagues at the radio station always runs in to see which boots I'm wearing), I say own it and be proud. There is a big trend of "minimalism" these days, and it seems a lot of people have a lot of things to say about what other people choose to own. I say live and let live. If anyone is talking behind my back about how many shoes I own, well, I guess they don't have much else going on in their life. Author Linda on ""All the shoes"" https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/all-the-shoes#post-1487579 Wed, 06 May 2015 12:46:47 +0000 Author Linda 1487579@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ Personal style is a useful thing, too. Being known for one's style has more upside than downside. Or at least that's what I've experienced in my own life and career. I remember one county executive who always wore a red jacket to board meetings. We'd say "Look out! She has her red on!" She owned several red jackets and was--and still is--a very stylish woman. But that red jacket was her signature. In public relations, a signature style is considered a great thing. An author I know always wears a big flower in her hair at book signings and conventions. She's known as the author with the flower. It's not a negative to have that moniker. People smile when they mention it. I bet people smile when they mention your shoes, Anna.  People know who you are. They think you're interesting. And that's a heck of a lot better than being invisible. Go ahead, rock those shoes!  TraceyLiz65 on ""All the shoes"" https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/all-the-shoes#post-1487576 Wed, 06 May 2015 12:41:30 +0000 TraceyLiz65 1487576@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ I think for me I get an attitude about having a maximal wardrobe from those not into fashion who notice my shoes, purses , jackets and jean collection and think I over indulge. I am thrifty and hunt deals and make no apologies for this artistic self expression. I support women in all aspects of self care , but know there are those who prefer to sit in judgement. I just choose to ignore that attitude as I know my journey and am proud of it. That judgement has nothing to do with me and everything to do with them. I love this stage in my life of my kids moving on and the advantage to it being my turn and I will happily dance through any judgements by others. I do have compassion and understand that some of that judgement comes from those less fortunate. For women I call friends in that position I give great gifts and have clothed my very best friend mostly through thrifting or clearinh out my closet. She is very grateful. Then again , my friends don't judge and celebrate my self care. Wishing everyone had confidence to walk their path and celebrate others....Keep on Rocking your Fabulous style and Multitude of wonderful shoes! Traci on ""All the shoes"" https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/all-the-shoes#post-1487567 Wed, 06 May 2015 12:28:44 +0000 Traci 1487567@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ I may have missed a step here, so please forgive if I did... I think it is important to not take others' explanations of why they made choices in their lives as judgement on the choices we're making in our lives. This is a huge problem in mom culture. One mom explains why she chose to breast feed, or hire a nanny, or vaccinate etc, and another mom hears that as judgment on her for not choosing those things. That doesn't have to be the case! Some people choose the opposite route from us, and they have reasons for doing so. Neither route is wrong. Understanding why they chose their route doesn't make our route wrong either. Daria on ""All the shoes"" https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/all-the-shoes#post-1487566 Wed, 06 May 2015 12:28:42 +0000 Daria 1487566@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ Anna, I didn't read Una's thread, but for me shoes is a brilliant way to stand out when you have to wear scrubs every day. You can be "judged" on so many aspects of your life and your personality - you cannot control that. gryffin on ""All the shoes"" https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/all-the-shoes#post-1487556 Wed, 06 May 2015 11:52:19 +0000 gryffin 1487556@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ Anna - Boots/booties are a big part of my personal style.  I am also in healthcare and wear a long white labcoat during hours over my street clothes/blazer.  But I always have on a great pair of boots/booties and it's a rare day when a patient does not comment and I've never had a negative comment FYI.  I 100% agree that great shoes/boots do not in anyway diminish the professional/intelligence factor.  I simply become the doctor with great boots!! approprio on ""All the shoes"" https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/all-the-shoes#post-1487520 Wed, 06 May 2015 09:49:42 +0000 approprio 1487520@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ Anna, thanks so much for starting this thread. I picked up on <a rel="nofollow" href="http://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/wiw-cohesive#post-1487104">Gaylene's comment in Una's WIW</a> because I misread her statement about discrimination as implied judgement. Gaylene, my apologies. You made a very important point. I'm endlessly irritated by the idea that an interest in the art of getting dressed is trivial for some reason and not something an intelligent person should care about. It's as fundamental as feeding ourselves and one of the most powerful forms of non-verbal communication we can develop. Yes it's fun, but it's serious too. Society always finds ways of punishing women and our appearance is on the front line of that battle. There are so many unrealistic standards we're expected to meet that there's no way we can win. But our clothes give us a way to take control and meet the world on our terms. Some of the most successful women I know are very empowered in their personal style.  That said, we all make judgements on each other based on appearances, we can't help it. Personally, I'm never going to judge anyone for having the wrong number of shoes, but I might be put off by an obvious lack of effort. It matters. catgirl on ""All the shoes"" https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/all-the-shoes#post-1487475 Wed, 06 May 2015 04:51:01 +0000 catgirl 1487475@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ I just posted in my own thread. I don't mind being the one with all the shoes. No one has been mean about it in my life. And I know I am a respected professional, a good wife, sister, daughter and mother, a loyal friend, a (fading) athlete and so much more. If someone wants to underestimate me based on what they perceive as my superficial interests, they do so at their peril, to quote MsMary. However, I do want to be authentic - that is important to me - and Gaylene's post reminded me that there's more than one way to do that. My professional style is no less authentic than my weekend style just because it's toned down. That was my takeaway, anyhow. Buy all the shoes! And I'm glad we aren't the same shoe size.