https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/addressing-a-bullying-text Style Advice for Fashion Lovers en-US Fri, 24 Apr 2026 05:39:21 +0000 http://bbpress.org/?v=1.0.2 q https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/search.php https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/addressing-a-bullying-text/page/2#post-1539808 Fri, 14 Aug 2015 23:11:44 +0000 Anonymous 1539808@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ <p>I'm glad you can move on.<br /> Hopefully her girls are ok. </p> https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/addressing-a-bullying-text/page/2#post-1538692 Wed, 12 Aug 2015 23:01:30 +0000 Marilyn 1538692@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ <p>Happy to hear it's resolved.&nbsp; It sounds like the club will be a happier place without her. </p> https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/addressing-a-bullying-text/page/2#post-1533363 Tue, 04 Aug 2015 22:34:19 +0000 unfrumped 1533363@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ <p>Kiwigal, I applaud your mature attitude and behavior. I am always at risk of getting wound up by such people, even though I know I should not, and I think you did great! </p> https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/addressing-a-bullying-text/page/2#post-1533258 Tue, 04 Aug 2015 20:04:05 +0000 texstyle 1533258@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ <p>Relieved for you! </p> https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/addressing-a-bullying-text/page/2#post-1533217 Tue, 04 Aug 2015 18:59:24 +0000 SandyG 1533217@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ <p>People like this cause havoc in community organizations. The hierarchy is a little softer than in a corporate business, and they have amassed more power than anywhere else in their life -- and abuse that power. Her behavior is driven from within and you have little to do with what triggers it to cause eruptions. Don't feel like you have to walk on eggshells because of someone's distorted behavior. Keep your distance from her, be cordial to her children (who can use good adult examples) and enjoy your club.&nbsp;</p> https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/addressing-a-bullying-text/page/2#post-1533136 Tue, 04 Aug 2015 16:21:16 +0000 Suz 1533136@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ <p>Wow, this will be a huge relief. I hope she gets some help.&nbsp; </p> https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/addressing-a-bullying-text/page/2#post-1533132 Tue, 04 Aug 2015 16:14:00 +0000 rachylou 1533132@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ <p>There you go. She took care of herself(!) </p> https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/addressing-a-bullying-text/page/2#post-1532935 Tue, 04 Aug 2015 10:41:47 +0000 Summer 1532935@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ <p>Glad to know this woman is finally out of your life, Kiwigal. </p> https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/addressing-a-bullying-text/page/2#post-1532899 Tue, 04 Aug 2015 05:55:40 +0000 Sal 1532899@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ <p>I have had some resolution today. &nbsp;After this situation I took the approach of just getting on with it, not getting close and not letting her bother me. &nbsp;At our mid winter forum two months ago she attended in a very angry mood, and stormed out, swearing at my husband, after spoiling for a fight. &nbsp;He went outside, spoke to her, and she shouted at him for another ten minutes. &nbsp;</p> <p>One week later he wrote to her asking for an apology, in a very calm, conciliatory manner. &nbsp;We have had no response for seven weeks.</p> <p>It is our club AGM tonight and I received an email today with her resignation from the committee, and some comments. &nbsp;She is still angry with me as there were several barbs, however it was calmer and she had realised there was no point her continuing her involvement.</p> <p>She is a very angry person whom I do not want to be involved with. &nbsp;I hope her children still come to the club. &nbsp;</p> <p>Thanks to those who shared their stories and wisdom.</p> <p> </p> https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/addressing-a-bullying-text/page/2#post-1463524 Thu, 26 Mar 2015 19:14:54 +0000 Anonymous 1463524@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ <p>I work with a b*&amp;chy coworker who most certainly would bully me if I let her. She's not a team player, and nothing comes out of her mouth that's not in a sarcastic or intimidating tone. It bothered me at first, but not after I realized her behavior problem has absolutely nothing to do with me. She's that way to a lot of people, including our boss. Why he puts up with it and doesn't fire her or at least call her out on her attitude, I don't know; but the point is that it's not about me. My DH wisely advised me to let&nbsp;<i>her</i> be the one to die of a heart attack. </p> https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/addressing-a-bullying-text/page/2#post-1463521 Thu, 26 Mar 2015 19:03:33 +0000 Anonymous 1463521@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ <p>Do not try to "make friends", keep it light. Remind yourself that she's not a big part of your life and this isn't a big deal, and try not to bring any intense energy to your contacts with her. Focus on what she says, not how she says it, and respond only to the subject matter.<br />Try to keep your conversations light, friendly, superficial, and short.&nbsp;Do not engage and always stay&nbsp;a moving target. </p> https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/addressing-a-bullying-text/page/2#post-1463482 Thu, 26 Mar 2015 17:44:16 +0000 Anonymous 1463482@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ <p>Bullies just want to get you all worked up. They don't like it when things are calm and quiet. They want to sew discord, and will do it if you let them. To preserve your sanity, you need to block her texts. Beyond that, I have no advice other than not to communicate with her any more than is absolutely necessary.&nbsp;</p> https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/addressing-a-bullying-text/page/2#post-1463229 Thu, 26 Mar 2015 02:49:51 +0000 Sal 1463229@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ <p>Thanks all, I just caught up on the responses.</p> <p>It was interesting because I did see the woman again last weekend. &nbsp;I had to interact over something, and I took a pragmatic approach. &nbsp;She was friendly and joking...which was all rather odd. &nbsp; It will happen again though....she is too stressed/angry for it not to.</p> <p> </p> https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/addressing-a-bullying-text#post-1461671 Mon, 23 Mar 2015 07:18:13 +0000 Deb 1461671@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ <p>I've had a few instances of crossing paths with people who bully, particularly within the local swimming club. Some sporting parents can get pretty ugly! One culprit was a person who seemed to lack esteem and the intellect to insightfully look at their behaviour and one was jealous of my child's success as an Australian age champion through all of his teenage years. Abuse and bullying of any form are not okay and I'd make that very clear by avoiding all but absolutely necessary interaction for now, unless she has the manners to admit she made a mistake and offers a sincere apology. If it continues to bother you, it might be best to discuss it with her later when your emotion has settled. Reading between the lines, it may be that this woman is struggling with her personal situation and her angry behaviour is secondary to that. It's not about you.....though it is hard not to take it to heart. </p> https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/addressing-a-bullying-text#post-1460987 Sat, 21 Mar 2015 19:03:17 +0000 Aziraphale 1460987@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ <p>I'm sorry to hear this. I don't think you're 'being a victim' by not responding, though -- I think you're taking the high road. Why get dragged in, when it's somebody else who has a case of the crazies?</p> <p>This woman does sound like she has a few psychological issues that are, as you say, not in your control. I'd go ahead and let her freak out, and try not to let it bother me. (I might respond differently if she was spreading malicious rumours though).&nbsp; </p> https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/addressing-a-bullying-text#post-1460910 Sat, 21 Mar 2015 16:18:25 +0000 harmonica 1460910@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ <p>Seems like you've found a good strategy. It's not about you, and you have now chosen to not let her actions drain your energy. It is difficult and I'm sorry that you are caught in this situation, but I think you are on the right path. Also agree with others, especially Gaylene and Kari. Keep up the good spirit! </p> https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/addressing-a-bullying-text#post-1460640 Fri, 20 Mar 2015 21:05:59 +0000 Rambling Ann 1460640@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ <p>I once printed an email and marched down to the office of the person who said it and asked them to read it to me in the tone they intended because it surely could not be how I read it. Profuse apologies ensued. People don't get how they come off when they are behind the shield of their devices. </p> https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/addressing-a-bullying-text#post-1460606 Fri, 20 Mar 2015 20:11:46 +0000 Anonymous 1460606@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ <p>Kiwi gal, I'm late to this but empathise and think you have the perfect approach. I had an older relative who behaved this way, taking her frustration and anger out on others, purposefully trying to create a conflict as something she could control. I found the best way to deal is exactly as you're doing: protect yourself and stay true to your feelings by pulling back. In my experience people like this can be hyper finely attuned to others' responses, so chances are she will recognise what you are doing and know why. She may or may not acknowledge it to herself or see that she's losing one of her few allies (sometimes people with these emotional troubles are too narcissistic to do so). But you will have protected yourself. Sadly any attempt to talk with my relative ended up in a worse quagmire that caused more pain for me and others. </p> https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/addressing-a-bullying-text#post-1460565 Fri, 20 Mar 2015 18:52:03 +0000 unfrumped 1460565@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ <p>Good decision. I think it is not possible to be "therapeutic" relationship with someone like this. If it is a committee or activity in which you cannot avoid some interaction, then calm, limited is the way to go.<br />Text and e-mail have opened up a whole area of potential abuse and difficulty in protecting ourselves. We have to read it to sift through the good and bad, and so hence get the bad whether we want it or not (meaning, you can block someone if you are cutting off the relationship, but not&nbsp; if you plan to continue working with them on a regular basis). Once I've read a "toxic e-mail" I feel bad for some time afterward. </p> https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/addressing-a-bullying-text#post-1460424 Fri, 20 Mar 2015 15:48:05 +0000 crutcher 1460424@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ <p>There can be no game if you don't catch the ball...Put her on the un-huh..button...My sweet little Toby hates more than anything in the world to be ignored or minimally recognized...You don't catch, there is no game... </p> https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/addressing-a-bullying-text#post-1460411 Fri, 20 Mar 2015 15:31:33 +0000 Elle 1460411@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ <p>Glad you are feeling better and are comfortable with your strategy.&nbsp; I know this is a challenging situation but it really is her, not you. </p> https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/addressing-a-bullying-text#post-1460271 Fri, 20 Mar 2015 11:50:34 +0000 chadya 1460271@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ <p>As much as I love the convenience of texting it does lend itself to the opportunity that the OP has found herself in, the ability to be nasty and agressive where&nbsp; you would not&nbsp; in a face to face situation. In this case I <u>might</u> print out and save those texts so this person can't come back at me to accuse me with stuff I said. <br />Distance myself and just interact in a business fashion and don't engage, she just wants to get you to react. </p> https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/addressing-a-bullying-text#post-1460061 Fri, 20 Mar 2015 02:01:49 +0000 Sal 1460061@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ <p>Brief update, I did see the person last night, and just totally kept out of her way. We will see each other again tomorrow and I have the same plan although there are a couple of issues we will have to interact over. I have decided to basically keep all contact with her to facts, and keep away. After a conversation with a friend ( who is also a counsellor) I decided addressing her behaviour will not go well, she is too angry/emotional. Whilst this approach will not help her with her issues it allows the committee to function and I will support her daughters in their sport, who are both talented and lovely girls.</p> <p>Thanks to all for your advice, everyone had words of wisdom, and they all helped me to calm down. I </p> https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/addressing-a-bullying-text#post-1459374 Thu, 19 Mar 2015 06:02:20 +0000 rachylou 1459374@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ <p>Oh, haha Adelpha. 200 texts on the nature of cats, men in bakeries, becoming a homeless for the experience (herself), and being destined to be rich.</p> <p>NO :p </p> <p>Lol. Man. Talk about nutty pup. Fellow student. </p> https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/addressing-a-bullying-text#post-1459354 Thu, 19 Mar 2015 04:30:18 +0000 Adelfa 1459354@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ <p>Rachy, what's your cell #? </p> https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/addressing-a-bullying-text#post-1458971 Wed, 18 Mar 2015 17:05:21 +0000 rachylou 1458971@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ <p>I have cut someone for excessive texting alone. I asked twice and then was done. Of course, this person sent me over 100 texts in a 24 hour period... just thinking aloud to me. The fight didn't come until after she did that. and then did it again.</p> <p>Only had 200 texts a month allowance.</p> <p>But anyways, you get to state your peace in one text and that's it. </p> https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/addressing-a-bullying-text#post-1458894 Wed, 18 Mar 2015 15:22:41 +0000 Janet 1458894@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ <p>I agree with the others, particularly Kim and Kari, about not taking the bait. Stay above it. This woman is looking for a fight, even if she doesn't realize it. </p> <p>I worked with someone like this many years ago, before texting, before emailing. Her bullying was verbal and direct to my face, and it was clear that she felt like a victim of the world and perceived me as having all the advantages she didn't have, for some reason. I was very young and felt intimidated, and I generally bent over backwards to avoid her wrath. But one day when I was tired and fed up, in a weak moment, I blurted out an angry sarcastic response, then turned and left the building (I was getting off work for the day, so I could get away with that ;-). Yikes. I immediately thought, oh crap, this woman is now going to kill me. But guess what? She backed off after that, and we've been cordial ever since -- we're even Facebook friends, 25 years later. </p> <p>I'm not recommending that course of action, of course, but it was interesting that she backed off once she no longer viewed me as a victim. Obviously, I would handle something like that very differently today. </p> <p>Good luck! </p> https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/addressing-a-bullying-text#post-1458645 Wed, 18 Mar 2015 04:35:54 +0000 Kari 1458645@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ <p>Adding another thought. I also have chosen to distance myself from, and eventually end, a couple friendships with people who I realized thrive on being angry or irate about something, and getting other people to sympathize or react to their perceived injustice. I realized it was a pattern in how they react to things other than me (politics, the news) or life events (taking a victimized, why does the world hate me approach when anything bad happens.) I realized that certain people look hard for things to be angry or upset about, and for some reason that excites or empowers them. I simply find constant anger exhausting to experience or to be around. When I and other acquaintances started to be a target of that anger, I backed way off from contact and eventually let the friendship die a non-dramatic death (at least, if there was drama/negative comments made, I didn't have to hear about it!) I stopped reacting to sarcastic or angry comments about anything, toward me or anyone else, and once I started ignoring that I realized my former friends didn't have much else to say. It isn't worth it to me to spend a lot of time trying to appease people who don't WANT to be happy. There's a point where compassion can stretch to being a doormat, and I don't have the energy to go that far again. </p> https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/addressing-a-bullying-text#post-1458641 Wed, 18 Mar 2015 04:26:22 +0000 Kari 1458641@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ <p>I am a bit biased as I just came out of a really miserable workplace bullying situation a couple years ago that I received little help or support with. I also have a relative who acts this way, thankfully not a close one. I tried to adapt my behavior or figure out if I had caused a problem, but realized after observing the person with others that this was a long standing pattern that others let slide, and the person's behavior was never going to change until someone in authority put their foot down, which they weren't willing to do.<br /> After that became clear, my strategy became about protecting myself from further attacks as much as possible, and not putting power into the hands of the bully.<br /> Deal with the bully the way I would an unpredictable animal that I don't know. Carry on calmly with my own duties. Avoid unnecessary contact.<br /> Don't talk about the person, even if it's something positive, unless I'm venting to someone totally removed from the circle (I.e. Vent to my significant other or my mom, not to a coworker.)<br /> Don't emotionally react to positive or negative comments from the person-even if I think they want me to react happily. Just keep a calm facade. Don't provide fuel for the fire. </p> <p>I'm so sorry you are in this situation. It's hard to be around individuals who react this way. I hope you can get some distance and support. </p> https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/addressing-a-bullying-text#post-1458531 Wed, 18 Mar 2015 01:36:53 +0000 Sal 1458531@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ <p>Thanks all. &nbsp;I am still mulling over my approach, I am holding off until i see her and am a little cooler under the collar. &nbsp;I appreciate all the wise advice, which has varied suggestions, which is good, because there is not necessarily one way to deal with a problem. &nbsp;</p> <p>My priorities are:<br />1) Being true to myself.<br />2) Keeping the club going - I have put a lot of effort into getting the club thriving again, and along with the others (including this person) we have done a great job. &nbsp;I know clubs can unravel and I am not going to let this happen.</p> <p>She is targeting me because I am a patient person whom she sees as "privileged" with lots of support and friends. &nbsp;As a defensive person who has alienated people in the past she does not have the same support or resources that I do. &nbsp;I am not someone who likes a scene and I have probably given her too much leeway because of her situation. and my reluctance to cause a problem in something that is supposed to be so positive.</p> <p> </p>