https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/a-tiny-rant-srry Style Advice for Fashion Lovers en-US Mon, 27 Apr 2026 23:21:40 +0000 http://bbpress.org/?v=1.0.2 q https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/search.php https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/a-tiny-rant-srry#post-1121139 Tue, 24 Dec 2013 00:34:03 +0000 ironkurtin 1121139@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ <p>Men! Seriously, they can make you insane!</p> <p>You've gotten great advice, sorry you have to deal with it. </p> https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/a-tiny-rant-srry#post-1120916 Mon, 23 Dec 2013 19:38:31 +0000 rachylou 1120916@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ <p>Amy - It's all Autism Spectrum Disorder now, with degrees of and different criteria. </p> https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/a-tiny-rant-srry#post-1120594 Mon, 23 Dec 2013 06:34:53 +0000 catgirl 1120594@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ <p>It almost sounds&nbsp; like a form of one-up-manship with obligation as the issue.&nbsp; It reminds me of how my parents will not EVER let me or my siblings pay for dinner, except much more extreme as they will accept gifts (and gift to us, of course).&nbsp; In my parents' case it is a generational thing.&nbsp; But your husband seems to be carrying it beyond reason, and I understand your frustration because accepting gifts graciously is a gift in itself.&nbsp; </p> <p>Perhaps you should tell selected recipients of his gifts to send them back to him with a note that lets him know they don't want a one-way relationship.&nbsp; Is he like this about invitations and other give-and-take life situations?</p> https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/a-tiny-rant-srry#post-1120574 Mon, 23 Dec 2013 05:05:37 +0000 TraceyLiz65 1120574@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ <p>I like the idea of trying something new on your part like backing off and letting him deal with it and if he doesn't then donate it... or even funnier to retjurn things and treat yourself! &nbsp; When I have to deal with the difficult person in my life (my sister) &nbsp;I just have to remember it isn't easy walking around the world the way she does and not get caught up in it...&nbsp; </p> https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/a-tiny-rant-srry#post-1120529 Mon, 23 Dec 2013 03:59:01 +0000 elpgal 1120529@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ <p>I know several folk (all engineers!) who are like this. They will happily give cash gifts to people but balk at receiving things from them. They are either too picky or think the gift is not value for the money spent. Some have improved with age. I once gifted a nephew a gift card and joked that he could spend it all on coffee as he was starting his residency soon. His father (my cousin) chewed me because he was irritated that I 'wasted' $4.95 on the cost of the visa gift card when I could have saved the money by writing a check. I know and love this cousin so I could get away with rolling my eyes at him and asking him to hush up. My husband was very mortified at his behavior. </p> <p>Sorry you feel poorly about your husband's behavior but please don't let him suck the joy out of your gift giving/receiving. </p> https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/a-tiny-rant-srry#post-1120519 Mon, 23 Dec 2013 03:31:04 +0000 Gigi 1120519@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ <p>Wow. I like Deb's suggestion of returning the item and getting something for yourself. Or else take everything to a homeless shelter or Goodwill or something, so it won't go to waste but will do someone some good and won't have you running all over town to return. </p> https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/a-tiny-rant-srry#post-1120513 Mon, 23 Dec 2013 03:19:34 +0000 minimalist 1120513@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ <p>RachyLou, Aspergers was removed from the DSM? Is it just PDD-NOS now?</p> <p>@Nebraskim, apologies if my bringing up a diagnosis was in poor taste. Personally, I don't see a stigma around that, so I forget that others might. (Heh, look who's lacking in the theory-of-mind department.) </p> https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/a-tiny-rant-srry#post-1119994 Sun, 22 Dec 2013 03:48:19 +0000 rachylou 1119994@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ <p>Oh, I can sympathise. My bf - the needle seriously flickers for him on the Asberger's meter (and I don't care they've taken that out of the DSM). He's simply horrible. You give him something, he will tell you he doesn't want it, try not to take it, and then plot furiously for you to take it away.</p> <p>Ahaha. It's so darn rude, it's funny. And really extremely Asbergery. He's an engineer, btw, and I'm a technical writer - trained by profession to talk to engineers. I forgot there for a moment that's not normal, and that's how we ended up together.</p> <p>To be honest, I tell him straight up when his behaviour is not normal and when *what makes sense* is not an option. </p> https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/a-tiny-rant-srry#post-1119829 Sat, 21 Dec 2013 23:38:24 +0000 deb 1119829@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ <p>Oh, and Maryk, I am glad you are happy in your Bachelorette Pad. </p> https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/a-tiny-rant-srry#post-1119827 Sat, 21 Dec 2013 23:37:06 +0000 deb 1119827@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ <p>Nebraskim, I totally understand your dilemma. My ex did similar stuff and I found it very difficult to deal with and quite embarrassing. Could you exchange it for something for you? That way the niece would not feel hurt quite as hurt because at least it is in the same household. </p> https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/a-tiny-rant-srry#post-1119816 Sat, 21 Dec 2013 23:18:10 +0000 MsMary 1119816@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ <p>Gah.&nbsp; I'm sorry, Nebraskim.&nbsp; I agree with Gaylene that this totally does not need to be your issue.&nbsp; He's a grown man and if he wants to be ungracious, just get out of the way and let him be ungracious.</p> <p>(And if anybody needs me, I will be over here in the Bachelorette Pad feeling super happy that my difficult husband is soon to be my difficult EX-husband!) </p> https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/a-tiny-rant-srry#post-1119793 Sat, 21 Dec 2013 22:36:20 +0000 Gaylene 1119793@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ <p>Well, it sounds like he is pretty set in his ways, so I doubt that anything you will do will change his attitude. </p> <p>If it drives you batty to run interception on the parcels to keep them out of the trash, I'd talk to family members who are recipients of his generosity, or who are likely to send presents, and ask them quite firmly to stop. After all, the purpose is to thank him, not to drive him (and you!) crazy. Suggest they send him a card instead; if he tosses a card into the trash, you don't have to feel so bad. </p> <p>Every family has its eccentrics. You can tell everyone that Mr. Nebraskim's attitude is not yours and, unlike him, YOU love to give, and get, presents. So you get to have your kind of Christmas and he gets to have his. Kim is right, though, that once you've conveyed the firm message to the rest of the family, you might want to walk away from being the middleman here. And, if the trash collector gets a new shirt, well, maybe it's his lucky day </p> https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/a-tiny-rant-srry#post-1119715 Sat, 21 Dec 2013 21:12:45 +0000 Lyn D. 1119715@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ <p>I am sorry you have to deal with this at a generally happy time of year.<br />I have found that venting as you have done here is a good way to cope with difficult loved-ones, as we can only change how we think and interact with others, not them! </p> https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/a-tiny-rant-srry#post-1119644 Sat, 21 Dec 2013 20:05:28 +0000 minimalist 1119644@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ <p>((((Nebraskim))) &lt;--- that's a hug</p> <p>I'm going to put something out there: Aspergers. (That's a wild guess, not an attempt to diagnose your husband from afar.) A friend of mine has this, or at least strong traits, and learning more about it has helped ease some of my frustration with him. If you'd like links, let me know. Or just google "asperger husband driving me crazy" and a lot of blogs and articles will come up. </p> https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/a-tiny-rant-srry#post-1119536 Sat, 21 Dec 2013 17:03:15 +0000 Alassë 1119536@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ <p>I'm sorry, Nebraskim. I hope talking to us helps a bit. </p> https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/a-tiny-rant-srry#post-1119482 Sat, 21 Dec 2013 15:51:30 +0000 Nebraskim 1119482@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ <p>Good advice all. I return items so they at least do not go to waste. He would probably just put them in the trash. He also does things like, for example, his watch broke about a week before his birthday and I said I would get him a new watch for his birthday. And he literally rushed out the door to buy a new one. It's a weird passive aggressive thing, I guess. Last year, for our anniversary he gave me a hopelessly beautiful and expensive sapphire ring. I gave him sox. And yes, he does refuse to ask for or accept help. He had a goofy childhood, so I sort of blame part of this on that. He also very introverted and dislikes having to spend time with people (and he's getting more hermitty as he gets older.) I give him a pass on all family and social obligations. Most people think I'm single as they have never met him. I'll get this shirt replaced or give it away. Thanks much for letting me vent this. If I brought it up to him, he'd get&nbsp; defensive and say "well, I didn't ask for her to send it, so why did she?" Clueless. </p> https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/a-tiny-rant-srry#post-1119459 Sat, 21 Dec 2013 14:33:40 +0000 Kim 1119459@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ <p>Now, exactly why do *you* need to return the gifts?&nbsp; It seems to me it's his problem and he should deal with it.&nbsp; I'd be leaving the gifts in a big pile at the foot of his bed and tell him either write a thank you note or donate the gifts to charity, or return them to the giver, but under no circumstances would I be doing any of that.&nbsp; They could sit there all year.&nbsp; </p> <p>His anger is unusual, but I"ll hazard a guess and say he does it so he doesn't have to deal with the emotional fallout of getting a gift, (having to reciprocate or tell others thank you, or that you love them etc.) and you'll do it for him.&nbsp; Turn over a new leaf and leave this problem with him.&nbsp; When he gets mad, see him as a kid having a tantrum and trying to get you to do the dirty work for him.&nbsp; Walk away and calmly say "They gave the gift to you because they love you, so I'll leave it up to you what should be done about that."&nbsp; and take a deeeep breath and find something to do in another room....</p> <p>And I would advise him that he needs to stop giving gifts too, since other people feel uncomfortable when the receive but are not able to reciprocate.&nbsp; It's not fair that he gets the joy of giving but refuses it to others.&nbsp; </p> </p> https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/a-tiny-rant-srry#post-1119454 Sat, 21 Dec 2013 14:15:44 +0000 Janet 1119454@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ <p>Wow, that is an extreme reaction. I'm sorry, since that must be difficult! Does he not like to accept help of any kind, as well? I know some people who don't particularly like receiving gifts, for whatever reason, but they are much more quiet about it. To be so adamant and react so outwardly is taking things to a whole other level. </p> https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/a-tiny-rant-srry#post-1119442 Sat, 21 Dec 2013 13:43:31 +0000 Anonymous 1119442@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ <p>Oh, gosh. I'm sorry about this Nebraskim. I must admit it does seem rather odd behaviour. I personally love to give gifts, but I also love to receive a thoughtful gift too. It kind of goes both ways. Of course we don't mind you having a rant on here. It's good to blow of steam and it possibly helps you to avoid a pre- Christmas exchange of words with your other half. I really don't know if you can resolve this, as you say it's been going on for a long time. Sending you hugs and hoping for resolution. </p> https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/a-tiny-rant-srry#post-1119424 Sat, 21 Dec 2013 12:32:30 +0000 Nebraskim 1119424@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ <p>Why I dislike Christmas: my spouse gets angry when some gives him a gift (I guess he feels he doesn't deserve it or needs to reciprocate?) and he cannot wait to get it out of the house. He unexpectedly received last night a beautiful shirt from a niece but he is convinced it won't fit and he won't even try it on. He would barely open the box and almost didn't accept it from UPS. Today I shall return it. Hope they can credit her account as the JCrew here won't have a replacement in his size. He sent this niece, her twin and her brother identical generous checks earlier this year. And now he's mad because she sent a gift. She works in the fashion industry in NYC. I could tell this was a carefully curated, thoughtful gift. I do not give him gifts because of this behavior and I tell my family to not give him anything because it's just work for me to have to return the items. He likes to give gifts, however, and does not understand how this behavior just sucks the joy out of giving him a gift. when I tell him that his behavior hurts people's feelings, and ask if he would be hurt if the gifts he gives were rejected, he says he doesn't care. Every year after the holidays I return or give away most of what he's been given, unless it's food. I cannot wait till the season of giving is over. Sorry but after 16 years of this rudeness I needed to vent to someone. Rant over. Carry on. </p>