https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/a-little-ashamed-of-my-kids-appearance Style Advice for Fashion Lovers en-US Tue, 28 Apr 2026 10:55:33 +0000 http://bbpress.org/?v=1.0.2 q https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/search.php https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/a-little-ashamed-of-my-kids-appearance#post-367207 Wed, 15 Jun 2011 16:17:55 +0000 Anonymous 367207@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ <p>I can't even begin to tell you how much I relate to these posts! I am by nature a very casual dresser but I am pretty pulled together and on-trend. And neat and tidy. My kids however, look like vagabonds. My 8yo daughter will put on a really cute and stylish outfit and then cover the whole thing with her beloved oversize, stained black HOODY. Arg. And my 13yo son does not consider himself dressed unless he is cloaked in his massive green fleece jacket....regardless of the weather. He will wear that darn thing when its hot, cold, raining. And he wears it to church, school, camping, and playing street hockey. Sort of all-ocassion dressing! Plus they both have massive rips in their favorite pants but still continue to wear them day after day. I have resorted to sneaking these shredded items into the trash on laundry days and then playing innocent when they ask where these awful things are. So my strategy is to accept that this is how they want to dress and work with it. What bottoms go with those awful hoodies and fleeces? I might as well accept that this is what it is! </p> https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/a-little-ashamed-of-my-kids-appearance#post-367179 Wed, 15 Jun 2011 15:35:33 +0000 Queen Mum 367179@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ <p>I've not read all the responses, so forgive me if I'm repeating...<br /> We got alot of hand-me-downs as well and for a while I felt compelled and obligated to keep everything. After a while I got more discerning and would go through the bags and only keep what was in good condition (relatively) and really needed. Even now occasionally someone will give us stuff and my boys go through, pick out what they want and I take the rest to Goodwill. </p> https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/a-little-ashamed-of-my-kids-appearance#post-367084 Wed, 15 Jun 2011 13:45:59 +0000 celia 367084@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ <p>I know what you mean, sometimes I see other girls with nice dresses, hair ribbons and mine is wearing jeans and looks like a tomboy. Although she really loves chosing outfits and girly dresses(she's 3) I find thatit's important that she can run around and get dirty as much as she wants.<br /> If we are going to some place special we both dress up, but if I'm wearing something more casual or the ocasion is not a dressy one I let her have fun.<br /> I know mothers who like to brag that her daughters chose that lovely girly outift but I don't take it personlly because I know how much fun mine had chosing her outfit. </p> https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/a-little-ashamed-of-my-kids-appearance#post-367039 Wed, 15 Jun 2011 10:05:04 +0000 rute 367039@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ <p>Oh.. don't bother about that! They are just kids!<br /> Mine is terrible too a really tom boy!<br /> They will grow and they will have time to worry about that!<br /> I've learned that we can give the example! They are learning by observing! Mine is already worried about what goes with what and the shoes.. </p> https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/a-little-ashamed-of-my-kids-appearance#post-367037 Wed, 15 Jun 2011 09:43:33 +0000 Katiepea 367037@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ <p>It sounds like you've bought some fabulous clothes and have a great plan in place for your little girl. </p> <p>I can say that at eight, I know that I would have been thrilled by all the attention from my mum buying me special clothes. (I was the middle child, can you tell? ;-)) </p> https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/a-little-ashamed-of-my-kids-appearance#post-367033 Wed, 15 Jun 2011 08:57:22 +0000 anne 367033@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ <p>Thanks San and Katiepea - again you have brought a smile to my face. I have at times even said out loud "she chose this outfit herself"</p> <p>My eldest girl popped into another shop with me today and I am getting more idea about what she likes to wear and more confident about shopping next week without her.</p> <p>I have already bought her a socks, a tunic top and jeggings this winter and made her another tunic (not great work on my part IMO). She has been given some (new) shoes and some long sleeve tees. I think I'll buy her some leggings, a cardi and maybe a dress next week and try and wait to see what other people might give her for her birthday before I buy any more. ( this already feels like I have bought her heaps of stuff and I am a bit worried by my feelings of wanting to get her more!) </p> https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/a-little-ashamed-of-my-kids-appearance#post-367019 Wed, 15 Jun 2011 07:24:07 +0000 Fruitful 367019@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ <p>Katiepea, I relate to everything! Love your post. </p> https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/a-little-ashamed-of-my-kids-appearance#post-367011 Wed, 15 Jun 2011 06:53:39 +0000 Katiepea 367011@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ <p>My friend told me about this cartoon she saw in the newspaper - it was two pictures, side by side:</p> <p>1) Mother impeccably dressed and groomed, with the child looking like she was incredibly grotty;<br /> 2) Child dressed to the nines (think black patent leather shoes); frilly dress; hair in bows etc and mother looking like she had barely got dressed; unbrushed hair etc<br /> The caption underneath: There isn't enough time for both of us!</p> <p>My boys sometimes look cute, sometimes they look deplorable. There is a 50% chance at any given time their socks will match. Usually at least one of them has hair that sticks up at the back like a cockatoo. Unless we are going somewhere very special, I tend to just let them be.</p> <p>I must confess have been tempted to get a badge and attach it to my 4 year old that says "I dressed myself this morning!!!" - to curb the curious looks we somtimes receive. At the moment he is going through a yellow phase. He believes that if it is yellow, it matches. The result: Yellow shorts (yes we have a pair - daddy bought them back from Bali - (thanks for that sweety!)); yellow t-shirt; yellow jumper; yellow socks. The issue: Half of the yellow items are too small (because he refuses to accept he has grown) and all items differing shades of yellow - buttercup yellow; mustard yellow; day-glo yellow. I must say, he looks particularly fetching on those days... For my part, I am intending to take photos, to bring out for his 21st! </p> https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/a-little-ashamed-of-my-kids-appearance#post-366391 Tue, 14 Jun 2011 06:41:08 +0000 san 366391@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ <p>This is such a sweet topic.</p> <p>With my kids I found that at a very young age, they had style preferences of their own. They wore what they wanted to wear no matter if I thought something else was more appropriate. </p> <p>Anne, I am sure your daughters are watching your style journey which will make a lasting impression of you being their beautiful stylish Mom. You're teaching them by example. </p> https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/a-little-ashamed-of-my-kids-appearance#post-366374 Tue, 14 Jun 2011 05:28:58 +0000 anne 366374@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ <p>Thanks for some more great thoughts! </p> https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/a-little-ashamed-of-my-kids-appearance#post-365888 Mon, 13 Jun 2011 16:50:39 +0000 Freckles 365888@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ <p>It seems like the hand me downs aren't cutting the grade anymore. How about culling them and then using acceptable outfits for play.</p> <p>Doing a new school wardrobe together with acceptable choices worked well for us. Of course one or two items that weren't my fav slipped in but they always had appropriate pieces to match with.</p> <p>I found that as my child got older he naturally started doing the shower in the morning thing which leads to a fresh groomed appearance although we had never had a problelm with that.</p> <p>It's never too late to introduce new experiences and maybe one day you want to take each of them shoe shopping alone and buy what you consider appropriate shoes. The new "rule" might be to wear appropriate shoes when leaving the house. </p> https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/a-little-ashamed-of-my-kids-appearance#post-365834 Mon, 13 Jun 2011 15:39:17 +0000 Anonymous 365834@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ <p>Some great comments here. From someone who had to wear hand-me-downs I suggest that, when your daughter gets interested in what she wears, you take her shopping and let her pick out her own shirt or shorts or whatever. It could be shopping at garage sales or a thrift store. It's important that she feel some ownership in her outfits even if it's picking out what she likes from the hand-me-down box and you packing the rest away. You might put outfits together together so she can see the possibilities of basic pieces. You could ask, "What will you wear with this?" Otherwise she may end up clueless but clothing obsessed (like me) later in life.<br /> You can certainly set guidelines as to price, modesty and where the item will be worn and you get the final say. It may take lots of patience at first but I think she'll be grateful to you someday.<br /> You could even say something like, "You have $15 to spend on new clothes. What you don't spend can go into your bank to save for our next shopping trip if you don't spend it all." Just knowing that she could buy something new can make a big difference in how she feels about the hand-me-downs. I hope this makes sense. </p> https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/a-little-ashamed-of-my-kids-appearance#post-365823 Mon, 13 Jun 2011 15:13:51 +0000 RoseandJoan 365823@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ <p>I agree with Di, I think it's important for children to experience the freedom of being young. My girls wash, brush their teeth, comb their hair and then put on play clothes(often has a stain or a hole) or dress clothes depending on the days activities, after that they are free to be as rumpled and as dirty faced as they please. They have one pair of Clarks shoes each and a pair of beach shoes so their footwear is often at odds with how they are dressed BUT I'm happy with this. Smiling faces and not outfits are what I look for. </p> https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/a-little-ashamed-of-my-kids-appearance#post-365821 Mon, 13 Jun 2011 15:09:11 +0000 cloud9 365821@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ <p>I say let kids be kids (with a few ground rules). My kids are young so I typically get some hand-me-downs &amp; I buy things from thrift stores and season end clearances &amp; stock up. My husband tells me that I should leave the thrift store finds with people truly need them, but my boys wear out jeans so quickly that I just don't see any point of buying anything new and fancy. I do say though, 7 &amp; up used clothes in good condition are much harder to find (they wear them out so fast!). So now I usually just stock up at clearance sales. </p> <p>I think for the most part, they observe what we do/dress. My boy asked to wear a shirt &amp; tie to the Christmas concert performance, even though he was the only boy dressed that way and really stood out among the baggy jeans &amp; sweatshirts. For school, they just wear short or long T's with some kind of print and jeans or cargos. As long as they are clean I'm OK with it.. (OK, by clean I mean freshly laundered, some stains are OK by me as they usually come home with some even if didn't start out with them.) Maybe I am a contender for the worst mom awards as well? </p> https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/a-little-ashamed-of-my-kids-appearance#post-365820 Mon, 13 Jun 2011 15:09:06 +0000 anne 365820@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ <p>Thanks guys - lots of encouragement and empathy - and thanks in particular for that link Polly!<br /> Just wanted to reassure you that my kids spend heaps of times outside climbing trees, making mud stews etc and I am not worried about how they dress then (except not to wear their good (esp white stuff). It was going out that concerned me, and often not the big trips, but the school pickups and visits to library etc - I guess I don't devote enough time to getting them presentable before I rush out.</p> <p>My oldest (nearly 8) is already getting quite a fashion sense of her own (she favours jeggings and leggings!) and I got her to come window shopping with me to give me a sense of what she might like me to get when I go to the city. I kind of feel guilty buying much for her though, as she might receive enough from other sources (but she refused to wear one dress gift from last year and I don't know that I blame her) </p> https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/a-little-ashamed-of-my-kids-appearance#post-365804 Mon, 13 Jun 2011 14:53:18 +0000 Di 365804@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ <p>You know, as long as they're happy and clean, I think it's kind of nice when kids don't have to fuss over what they're wearing. Makes it easier to make mud pies and play freeze tag. =) </p> https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/a-little-ashamed-of-my-kids-appearance#post-365796 Mon, 13 Jun 2011 14:43:29 +0000 Patty 365796@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ <p>Suz--as a tomboy myself--know this--your daughter IS watching and hearing you!</p> <p>My kids have been getting some great hand me downs so we've had good selection and style basically delivered to our door HURRAY for that!!! But the hand me downs rarely make it out alive from our house--we are the end of the line. I don't mind the kids running around the neighborhood riding bikes and playing wrestling games in beat up clothes (I often cut the legs off too short pants anyway) but yes they should at least be cleaned up for more event times--but these are fewer and further between than play time so they are sooooo out of practice as am I. I'd mostly like that they wash their faces more---I hate it when my daughter sports a full chocolate goatee and 'stach!!! And not use their shirts as napkins!!!!!<br /> It's amazing to me that in all the years the 8, 10 and 13 yr old have been going to school--everyday is like a fight to dress for--it's like they forget that yesterday's rolled in the creek outfit is not what you're gonna wear today --if it were Saturday on the other hand....... </p> https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/a-little-ashamed-of-my-kids-appearance#post-365765 Mon, 13 Jun 2011 14:16:55 +0000 Polly (thunalata) 365765@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ <p>Lots of empathy from here! I had exactly the same problems with hand-me-downs. But I had some great advice on here:</p> <p><a href="http://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/buying-childrens-clothes-anyone-have-a-good-strategytips" rel="nofollow">http://youlookfab.com/welookfa.....rategytips</a></p> <p>That has really changed things for me. It was a breakthrough to start buying tops in basic plain colours and it means that it can pull together quite a variety of other things. Leggings too. We also have talked quite a lot about wearing only one pattern at a time, which has helped my 5yo DD a lot.</p> <p>My one regret is a coat that DD was given recently - it's a gorgeous blue and white patterned raincoat with pink fluffy fleecy lining. Wonderful, but frequently clashes with the patterned things she wears it over, so from now on I'll only buy plain coloured coats.</p> <p>I think it's the way to go! Buy plain white, cream, navy, black, pink tops and leggings cheaply and wear them the hand me downs. And I will NEVER buy a pair of patterned tights again... </p> https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/a-little-ashamed-of-my-kids-appearance#post-365762 Mon, 13 Jun 2011 14:14:46 +0000 chewyspaghetti 365762@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ <p>My daughter used to come up with the craziest combos and often looked disheveled even when she was trying to look cute. I think it's a phase that many girls go through- at least I have seen it with friends as well. Now, at 12- my daughter is quite the fashionista. She always looks cute, put together, and in style. I'm not sure how it happened, but the difference between her just a year ago and today is quite definitive. </p> https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/a-little-ashamed-of-my-kids-appearance#post-365751 Mon, 13 Jun 2011 14:01:58 +0000 modgrl 365751@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ <p>We get lots of nice hand me downs for our kids too. I used to take everything just in case we ended up needing it at some point. Now I am very picky. If I don't like something, I just pack it up to give back, pass it on to someone else or donate it. I also get rid of anything that I don't like, isn't in good shape or isn't seasonally appropriate. I find that if they only have decent things to choose from, no matter what they pick they will look neat and clean. </p> <p>When I was growing up we didn't have a lot of money. I never felt good about asking my parents for money for clothes or anything else. That's how I ended up getting my first job at 14. I know this isn't a solution for every household, but I think it is perfectly legitimate to say that if you want nice things, you need to earn them, make money to buy them or anticipate getting clothes money at birthdays or Christmas. </p> https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/a-little-ashamed-of-my-kids-appearance#post-365748 Mon, 13 Jun 2011 13:57:56 +0000 rosee 365748@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ <p>I don't have kids of my own (yet) but I have been taking care of many kids over the past 30 years (so I can give a somewhat qualified opinion). As long as you set a standard for what is acceptable -- a somewhat dressier outfit for a dressy occasion, hair must be combed for school, no rips for when going out in public, etc. -- give them leeway to wear what they want and experiment somewhat in their style. It won't really do any damage to the family reputation and will give them the freedom to be themselves. If will be fun looking back at these days when they are older. I learned this from the families whose kids I used to be babysit in my teens, and now that they are grown up, they (the former kids) appreciate that there was structure but also the freedom to be creative. </p> https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/a-little-ashamed-of-my-kids-appearance#post-365733 Mon, 13 Jun 2011 13:43:41 +0000 Suz 365733@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ <p>My daughter (age eleven) has been a tomboy from the age of 3. At age seven she decided that she hated wearing dresses even for special occasions. All things "girly" are anathema to her. She hates anything and everything pink. (Can't say I blame her, there. I have nothing against pink, personally, but the way it is marketed to little girls is ridiculous.) She prefers to dress in shorts or jeans and baggy T-shirts. </p> <p>Mostly, I give her the freedom to do that. I have never forced her to wear a dress. But I do draw the line at a few things. She has to wear nicer pants and top if it is a dressy occasion. After washing hair, she either has to blow dry it or put it in a pony tail (otherwise it is an unholy mess). And while I have on occasion bought her things from the boys' department (out of desperation to avoid the dreaded PINK) I try to avoid shorts that are too long and baggy, patterns or colours that scream BOY, etc. </p> <p>But this is not because I don't accept her tomboy self. She has some neurological differences and has been the target of teasing for reasons other than her appearance, and I simply don't want to give others any additional reason for teasing her. So I try to find a balance between her taste and what I think the world will bear without negative comment. </p> <p>I was a bit of a girly-girl myself, and liked dressing my dolls and paper dolls, and enjoyed watching my mom dress up. And sometimes I wish my daughter was the same. But it's okay; she is who she is and has other wonderful qualities. Besides, she may change over time. As she watches me blossom from a frumpy mom to one with more style, thanks to YLF, maybe she will be internalizing a good lesson! </p> https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/a-little-ashamed-of-my-kids-appearance#post-365717 Mon, 13 Jun 2011 12:31:12 +0000 Sharon 365717@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ <p>My boys usually look like orphans. The youngest one puts holes in his jeans within minutes of getting them and they both insist on wearing canvas sneakers that look horrible after a week or so of wear. At least they have gone past the "growing a size every 6 months" stage.</p> <p> Once they got into high school I mostly just put money in their accounts, got them to make lists of what they needed and let them shop for themselves. I have tried shopping with them, but it was painful for both of us so I try not to get too invested in their fashion choices. </p> https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/a-little-ashamed-of-my-kids-appearance#post-365714 Mon, 13 Jun 2011 11:54:33 +0000 cheryle (Dianthus) 365714@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ <p>My son is now 22 but I still remember buying him the cutest outfits when he was under 5 that he would refuse to wear. They all go through phases and choosing their own clothing is a way to express their independence. As long as they are covered in activity appropriate clothes, I am not sure it is worth the hassle to argue. Just know that as they get older, they will care more about their appearance. It is also important to accept that we all see colors in a different way and what appeals to one person may not appeal to another - even one that shares much of your DNA. </p> https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/a-little-ashamed-of-my-kids-appearance#post-365710 Mon, 13 Jun 2011 10:58:36 +0000 Fruitful 365710@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ <p>My eldest is 7 and I have primarily relied on handmedowns and gifts. At this age the hand-me-downs are few and far between though, and the opshop pickings are slim. His sleeves are mostly too short and he seriously needs some long tops! I need to do something about it too. </p> <p>Oh yeah, the hair gets brushed once or twice a week... (do I qualify for the YLF mum failure award)? We will get there... eventually... </p> https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/a-little-ashamed-of-my-kids-appearance#post-365701 Mon, 13 Jun 2011 09:54:19 +0000 anne 365701@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ <p>Every so often in discussion of mother's looks on YLF the picture is painted of a child dressed to the nines and the mother looks like she has made no effort at all.</p> <p>Well sometimes I feel that in my family the reverse is true to the extent that my kids look worse than me! They are attractive (in my unbiased opinion!) but frequently they head out the door with hair unbrushed, no shoes on and old clothes which don't go together all that well. </p> <p>The older two aren't so bad on school days ( we have a uniform of the practical government school variety) and they don't scub up too badly on Sundays, though they are not always particularly fashionable, and I often don't seem to have the right "toppers" or shoes. Winter is much more difficult, as in summer they can just wear a dress, which they have many of. In winter (in Australia) it can get quite hot by the middle of the day for a child who is running around, so they need to dress in layers.</p> <p>I don't buy many of their clothes as they get lots of handme downs and a number of gifts. But it makes me feel not very in control of what they wear - there is no sense of planning a wardrobe - just buying the odd thing to fill in the gaps and culling when they get too much!</p> <p>The oldest is now getting more fussy about what she likes too! And I am itching to buy her some clothes when I go shopping next week - but know that her birthday is next month and that one of my regular handme down people hasn't given me any winter clothes yet.</p> <p>Not sure what I am after in terms of response to this thread! Empathy perhaps! </p>