https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/a-great-compliment Style Advice for Fashion Lovers en-US Tue, 21 Apr 2026 19:08:11 +0000 http://bbpress.org/?v=1.0.2 q https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/search.php https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/a-great-compliment/page/2#post-29946 Wed, 08 Oct 2008 17:01:04 +0000 Laura 29946@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ <p>Oh, this is the thread I've been looking for, about "the compliment that isn't" - thanks to Sarah for bringing it to the surface! </p> https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/a-great-compliment/page/2#post-29937 Wed, 08 Oct 2008 16:36:38 +0000 Sarah 29937@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ <p>I just found this great topic. It was so much fun reading all of your stories! Interestingly enough, not too many people at school have complemented me on my new look. The people that have noticed most are my voice teacher and my mom; at least they are the ones always saying I look nice. The head of the music department complemented me on my new hair style, and usually says he likes my hats (something that I've worn for several years, even though I don't think I've posted a picture of any of them here yet... need to do that). Yesterday one of my voice students said she liked my Sweet Pea top. Thanks to Tanya for posting the link here. She dresses very artsy, so that complement felt great to me. I'm afraid I do get more of the snide remarks, but I try to take those as complements too. After reading this thread I want to give more complements. </p> https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/a-great-compliment/page/2#post-15409 Thu, 17 Jul 2008 16:04:16 +0000 Nicole 15409@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ <p>Oh yes, my mother does it in a very demeaning way. I know she does not mean to do so. But the fact remains that she's being critical of the person she is looking at. She puts too much importance on people's appearance, and is not tactful when she thinks someone is poorly dressed, overweight, or "could do better". The fact that she'll be 80, and has poor hearing exacerbates the problem. She will say things she shouldn't say, and does not realize the people she is talking about CAN hear her.</p> <p>A few of my sister's are quite overweight, and it seems to be my mother's favorite topic some days. I know she talks about me to my other sisters the same way she talks about them to me. It's actually become a family joke. Unfortunately, for my heavy sisters, it's painful. Ah, the joys of coming from a big family! The bigger the family, the more disfunction there is to go around! </p> https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/a-great-compliment#post-15408 Thu, 17 Jul 2008 15:59:25 +0000 Patience 15408@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ <p>Well, Nicole, maybe it works best on younger children. I know my children are happy to entertain themselves if I just sit on the couch and watch them. But you did say you like to catch people looking at you when they don't know you see them. A head to toe look over can be stern, or a negative experience. </p> https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/a-great-compliment#post-15407 Thu, 17 Jul 2008 15:49:12 +0000 Nicole 15407@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ <p>I hate it when my mother eyes me up and down! She still does that to all 8 of her daughters. </p> https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/a-great-compliment#post-15400 Thu, 17 Jul 2008 15:12:10 +0000 Patience 15400@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ <p>Nicole's post reminded me of another thing that I read about children (adults) and compliments. Just observing your child in an approving or positive way counts as a compliment! That's probably why we can appreciate being looked over head to toe. </p> https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/a-great-compliment#post-15288 Wed, 16 Jul 2008 23:09:36 +0000 Angie 15288@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ <p>You see. We are no different to children! Nice analogy Patience, and on that note – thank you for the compliment. </p> <p>I feel strongly that we should never apologize for looking our best. It’s respectful. Like keeping your home clean and presentable for guests. In that light, Shiny, do not feel bad about being who YOU are with your friend who has just had a baby. Take her shopping instead! </p> https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/a-great-compliment#post-15211 Wed, 16 Jul 2008 15:00:50 +0000 Patience 15211@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ <p>At a parenting class I went to, I learned that kids need a 7:1 ratio of compliments to criticism. I'm not surprised that it's similar for adults. They also told us that you can compliment a child on something specific in such a way that they will figure out the things they did less well on their own without being a criticism. My husband, as usual, took this to the extreme as a joke, but I think there is something to it. Of course, the compliment must be heartfelt and not in the least snide, so I'm sure it is a bit more tricky to accomplish. I think the idea is that the child wants more praise and so they start looking for things to improve on but the original praise is not diminished. (Don't we all do that with our outfits?) They also say it is so much better to praise specific things than to just give general praise. I've always thought that Angie does such a good job with her compliments. I always just know they are genuine even though I've never met her in person. Returning a compliment is definitely the way to go; sometimes I'm just not so quick on the draw. It is nice that a compliment has the potential to turn a mood. </p> https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/a-great-compliment#post-15203 Wed, 16 Jul 2008 14:30:18 +0000 shiny 15203@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ <p>"It’s like an energy inside of me that I have to release. I get to release a lot of it here."</p> <p>Angie, that made me smile and made my day. ;-)</p> <p>Regarding negative energy, here are some examples from my own life:</p> <p>1) My sister, who dresses very nicely for work (she's in sales), complaining to me that I should "relax" about how I dress in my off-hours. She tells me I shouldn't bother with make-up or doing my hair and I should go around in baggy but comfy sweats and tees and running sneaks. She will imply that there is something wrong with me, psychologically, if I feel I can't relax my standards or go to the grocery store without lip gloss. She turns what I view as confidence into a case of major insecurity! </p> <p>I tend to respond graciously anyway: I remind her that I don't have to get dressed to go to an office, so no worries, I do spend half my day in sweats and running sneakers. And I explain that I don't get dressed for what other people think - I do it for ME. </p> <p>But she's not the only one. I have heard comments such as:</p> <p>"Now that you're over 40 you're going to have to resign yourself to comfortable shoes with arch support - no, I agree orthopedic shoes aren't fashionable, but...."</p> <p>"Now that you're over 40, it's okay to let your hair go gray." </p> <p>"Now that you're over 40, it's natural to widen at the waist. Stop fighting it and just accept it." </p> <p>"When are you going to let yourself go? Isn't it about time?"</p> <p>2) I have a friend who recently had a baby, and has yet to regain her figure. When we get together, she frets about her weight and how she looks in her clothes, and I fear that it's because she is comparing herself to me. It doesn't help that she calls me ahead of time to grill me about what I'm going to be wearing. </p> <p>I continually reassure her that I know she will regain her figure (she's always been quite athletic), that it takes time and patience and right now with baby and full-time job it is okay if it isn't high on her priority (reminding her that my own kids are now teens - I didn't lose my baby weight overnight!), and then encourage her to dress for the body she has now, which is beautiful. She's always been a bombshell hourglass, and that doesn't change whether she's thin or carrying some extra baby weight!!</p> <p>But that's the worst kind of negative energy for me. I can deal with the scathing comments. I can deal with my sister's comments (I'm used to stuff like that from her by now). But when I feel I'm inadvertently making someone else feel insecure and uncomfortable, just by the way I dress, that is harder for me. </p> https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/a-great-compliment#post-15196 Wed, 16 Jul 2008 13:22:31 +0000 christie 15196@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ <p>I also love to give compliments. You can tell how once you have given someone a compliment (even something small, like "that's a great shirt,") the person almost floats away. Her whole body language changes. </p> <p>I also use positive reinforcement with my husband. He doesn't always wear things I want him to wear, but when he does, out flow the compliments like you wouldn't believe! :-)</p> <p>I used to have such a hard time accepting compliments from others. I was the "Oh, but look how big my thighs look" kind of person (well, maybe not that bad), but now, I just smile and say thank you graciously, and return a compliment if possible. It is difficult. Often, my initial response is, "oh, no, please." Then I remember to say thank you. </p> https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/a-great-compliment#post-15195 Wed, 16 Jul 2008 13:22:07 +0000 Angie 15195@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ <p>Thanks for the example Patience. Nice come backs, Sihaya! I’d have said “Thank you, I feel good too”. </p> <p>Crazy ratio. </p> https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/a-great-compliment#post-15185 Wed, 16 Jul 2008 12:13:01 +0000 Sihaya 15185@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ <p>Patience - I wonder what would happen if you turned around the snide comment with a compliment in return? It makes her plate more abundant and also shows you taking the higher ground and modeling the way you want to be treated in return. </p> <p>I sometimes also try to lighten it if I can think of appropriate humor in the moment (Thank you for noticing and I try to look gorgeous everyday!)</p> <p>For people you know, the studies vary but in general for someone you know (e.g. if you're a manager and this is your employee): for the other person to perceive that you have, over time, given them equal amounts of praise and criticism, you have to provide praise:criticism at a ratio of 5:1. </p> https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/a-great-compliment#post-15150 Wed, 16 Jul 2008 03:18:24 +0000 Patience 15150@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ <p>Angie, maybe you are right about the comments being snide. I guess I just don't know what to do in these situations except accept the compliment with a thank you and leave it at that. Let me give an example of what I mean. Yesterday when I was dropping my kids off at daycare, I saw one of the moms in passing and she said, "Why, don't you look good today." I don't think she was lying and maybe she had a rough morning with her kids or something, but the tone she used made me feel like I would have been fine with a "good morning." Oh well.</p> <p>Sihaya, I do try very hard to just say thank you to compliments. I also make a point of only giving genuine and heartfelt compliments. I definitely could be more generous with them as I am not the kind of person who is comfortable going up to strangers on a regular basis, although I do sometimes. I like your perspective of abundance. </p> https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/a-great-compliment#post-15147 Wed, 16 Jul 2008 03:06:43 +0000 Sihaya 15147@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ <p>This brings up an interesting point that I work with my clients on all the time: the art of giving and receiving compliments. It's tough for many to take compliments and it took me a while but now I simply say "thank you" instead of adding something diminutive to it to lessen it's value or saying something like "I bought it cheap on sale". And when I hear people providing snide compliments or snide comments really - I think they come from a place of scarcity. I try to come from a mindset of abundance - and when I find that I'm envious of something, it means I don't have enough of that in my life. So I love Patience's (and all others') approach of being generous with our compliments because what goes around comes around. </p> https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/a-great-compliment#post-15115 Wed, 16 Jul 2008 00:54:59 +0000 judy 15115@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ <p>I agree with you Angie, It does feel good to be generous with compliments. I'm getting braver however it appears to be received. In the scenario at the art show I described above, I did compliment her outfit. I couldn't actually tell whether it meant anything to her to get one...I got a rather chilly response... but it did mean something to me to give it! </p> https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/a-great-compliment#post-15111 Wed, 16 Jul 2008 00:39:31 +0000 Nicole 15111@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ <p>Wow~! What an awesome thread! So inspirational!</p> <p>I have found a direct correlation between how I feel/look and how I interract with other people, especially strangers. I am much friendlier and outgoing these days.</p> <p>My compliments come mostly from the people who know me well, my kids, my mother and father, my sisters and my husband (those are the best compliments, IMO, because after 15 years of marriage, and almost 24 years of being together, it's so nice to know he still notices.) I think many people are afraid to compliment strangers, but when someone compliments you, it's contagious. I do find myself complimenting other people a lot more now. Partly because I notice style more so now than before, and partly because I'm more confident in talking to strangers. </p> <p>One of my favorite compliments is catching someone looking at me, when they don't realize I can see them. Like in a reflection of a glass door as I open it, or out of the corner of my eye as I turn the corner. Those are unspoken compliments, IMO. </p> <p>Oh this thread just put me in such a great mood! </p> https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/a-great-compliment#post-15093 Tue, 15 Jul 2008 23:14:06 +0000 Angie 15093@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ <p>Wow. This is very interesting. My head is spinning with responses. Here we go:</p> <p>o “when you feel fab and comfortable in your ensemble, YOU can just shine out uninhibited” – the basis of my life’s work.<br /> o Antje and Patience, I need guidance. I cannot help but think that a so called compliment with negative energy was not an intended compliment at all. It’s a snide remark. I’d love to understand what you mean?<br /> o Style does not equal drama. You can still be the best dressed person in the room with an understated style. Some people like to look dramatic while others don’t. Jennifer Aniston oozes with understated style. It borders on boring for me personally, but she’s a style icon in my book all the same.<br /> o I have always been generous with compliments. I love to compliment people on how they look and do it all the time. I will walk up to anybody in any part of the world and compliment them on something. I’m big on positive reinforcement (which is probably obvious from this forum). A genuine and heartfelt compliment has the power to change a mood, or an outlook on life. We hold that power and using it effectively helps people. It’s like an energy inside of me that I have to release. I get to release a lot of it here.<br /> o Greg and I are tickled that the facility of this forum has helped you gain more confidence and get compliments. This is a gift to us. We often wonder where it will go? </p> <p>In my line of work, my style is a strong advertisement for my services. I have to have a style that people notice and find hard to fault. And while potential clients might not aspire to my personal style, they need to trust that I can help them find their style. Confidence is key. Working in the cut throat international fashion scene for years has given me this confidence (and knowledge) which helps me every day. Anyone seen “The Devil wears Prada"? I worked in a somewhat similar environment to that for years and loved every minute of it. </p> https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/a-great-compliment#post-15082 Tue, 15 Jul 2008 21:58:40 +0000 Patience 15082@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ <p>Judy, you are right about envy and inspiration. We're all human after all. I do feel envious of people sometimes and I know that negativity is not directed at them. That's why, like Antje, I don't take it personally if a compliment comes with a little negativity even though I may be sensitive to it. It's also a matter of communication. If someone were to give me a compliment and then confess they wish they had more style, that would totally diffuse any associated negativity. I think confidence comes into play too. The more confident you are the less likely you are to feel envious. </p> https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/a-great-compliment#post-15072 Tue, 15 Jul 2008 21:22:05 +0000 judy 15072@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ <p>I find there is a fine line between envy and inspiration. In the negative comments, they might be expressing their jealousy or discomfort and yet, you might be inspiring them at the same time without knowing it...?</p> <p>Like do you ever see someone who just looks so comfortable in their skin and you are envious, of not just their clothes, but how they carry themselves or their figure? I do and yet, at the same time it can inspire me as well, to say: "Hey, I want some of that!"...that's why I was envying it! </p> <p>It happened to me just the other day. A woman at an art opening had the coolest yellow shoes and steel blue silk tunic over her jeans. Her jewelry too, handmade, just amazed. As Angie would say, her whole look was KILLER. but it appeared effortless, as if she just threw it on...."Oh, what, this old thing?" </p> https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/a-great-compliment#post-15051 Tue, 15 Jul 2008 19:37:29 +0000 marianne 15051@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ <p>Admittedly my wardrobe is still in shambles after babies, but I definitely started getting more compliments after switching to white bottoms this summer. Clamdiggers have also been a hit. Thank you Angie!</p> <p>As for attention, I never thought about this but I did make an unconscious effort to blend in after I moved to the states. My work environment was very casual and I drew looks when I wore a pencil skirt. For a while I wore a lot of muted colors and black even though those are not the best colors for me.</p> <p>I also find that I never want to look like I put a lot of effort even when I do. I don't think I can handle that type of attention very well. </p> https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/a-great-compliment#post-15050 Tue, 15 Jul 2008 19:32:02 +0000 Antje 15050@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ <p>Patience, I have experienced this, too: comments from friends (!) that had a bit of a negative tone behind them. I try not to take it personal, and just as you say, I think it's about them and their own wish to have more fun with and/or gain more confidence through their look. But it's kind of a downer.</p> <p>Totally agree re: sending out those compliments, and using such little interactions to create or foster more connections with others. </p> https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/a-great-compliment#post-15049 Tue, 15 Jul 2008 19:31:10 +0000 Becky 15049@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ <p>I have gotten several compliments from various people since starting to pay more attention to my appearance and the coaching of Angie and the YLF girls. I am especially thrilled to get compliments from women who are very stylish themselves. I also get asked if I have lost weight (no), but I think it's as Shiny said, I now dress to enhance my figure rather than completely hiding in in baggy, formless clothing. </p> https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/a-great-compliment#post-15039 Tue, 15 Jul 2008 17:54:32 +0000 Patience 15039@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ <p>I also like Shiny's point about being okay with the attention. I know what you mean about wanting to blend in sometimes, but I'm finding I feel that way less and less over time. </p> <p>The other thing I find that I don't like is that sometimes compliments can have some amount of negative energy behind them. This is not because of you but probably because the compliment giver may be reminded that they are not completely happy with their own look. All the more reason to GIVE compliments since we have now shown how valuable we find compliments from people we consider very stylish.</p> <p>On the other hand, being noticed means you are more likely to talk to people, meet them and so on which is very positive. </p> https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/a-great-compliment#post-15028 Tue, 15 Jul 2008 16:23:49 +0000 Antje 15028@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ <p>Shiny, you make a great point re: "When you dress nice, you have to be okay with the attention."<br /> It actually took me a while to get over that. I used a job change (within the same company) as the springboard for my transition to a more stylish, funkier and more noticeable look. And it did feel funny to me at the beginning to wear little jackets, more skirts, more accessories etc. rather than the plainer look from before. Today, I like it when others notice that I put effort into my outfits. But just like shiny, there are occasions where I want to "blend in" more and I deliberately dress down. Weird... </p> https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/a-great-compliment#post-15020 Tue, 15 Jul 2008 15:41:29 +0000 Patience 15020@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ <p>Since following this site, I too get compliments almost everyday. The best ones are those that just burst out from the person, aren't they? One of my coworkers told me that it is a pleasure to see me everyday because I look so nice. Fashion came up in conversation at lunch one day and I learned they all think I am the best dressed woman in the company. (Even though it's not that difficult with our sub casual culture.)</p> <p>What a wonderful compliment, Sihaya, about looking "SO you". Even though I haven't seen pictures of everyone here, I have a feeling we are all dressing to our style persona, thanks to Angie's nudgings. Really, when you feel fab and comfortable in your ensemble, YOU can just shine out uninhibited. </p> https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/a-great-compliment#post-15019 Tue, 15 Jul 2008 15:41:09 +0000 shiny 15019@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ <p>I get the most compliments from my teen daughters and their friends. They are very generous with their compliments. My girls always want me to go shopping with them, not only because I have the credit cards (!), but because I have a knack for finding clothes that will flatter their different body types. This is easy with DD14 because she and I have identical figures (except she's 2 inches taller). It's also easy with DD15 because we are exact opposite -she's a pretty pear - and I simply grab the clothing I *wish* I could wear but have long learned doesn't work for me. </p> <p>I also get the random compliments from strangers, usually inquiring about a pair of shoes or a shirt or a skirt and where did I find it. The other day I complimented my doctor on her necklace, and she replied, "Thanks - I love your top!" </p> <p>My favorite compliment came from my most fashionable friend, the one I envy her style and taste and wardrobe. It was when I debuted my new jeans for her for the first time - I paired them with a velvet jacket. She had never seen me in jeans and just couldn't get over it. Told me I had to wear jeans from now on!</p> <p>Then there was my college reunion (more like an unofficial get-together with people I hadn't seen in 20 years)... I was informally voted "most stylish and sophisticated." And everyone thought I'd lost weight and gotten breast implants!! I had not lost weight (I was about 20 lbs heavier) and my cup size was the same as ever: I'd just learned to wear clothing that was more flattering and showed off my waist, and the right fitting bra. Way back in college I was pretty much a schlub, hiding under clothes that were too big. There wasn't anything available for petites back then, so I didn't have much choice, but mostly I just didn't have any clue whatsoever (especially when it came to my hair - ugh). I cringe looking at the photos from way back then!</p> <p>When you dress nice, you have to be okay with the attention. People do notice. I feel people noticing and eyeing what I'm wearing. It took me awhile to get used to that, and to be honest, there are still some days when I just don't want to be noticed, so I deliberately dress it down, or even go out in sweats and sneakers, so I can fade into the background. </p> https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/a-great-compliment#post-14989 Tue, 15 Jul 2008 05:36:57 +0000 Sihaya 14989@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ <p>Ever since working with Angie, I get compliments all the time. I used to have good style sense a long time ago, but then I'd let it go for a long time until I worked with Angie. She helped me get really clear on my style persona - the inner style person inside me wanting to come out and the types of things I'd like in order to express the full me. It has been wonderful. I get compliments all the time - almost every day. And it spans strangers, my clients, my mother in law, and my friends. In fact, yesterday I was with a friend who I've only known "post Angie (PA)" and she just burst out at one point and said: "You are SO stylish and you are always wearing such cute stuff and everytime I see you, you have on something where I go: yes, yes, yes, that is SO you."</p> <p>So, yes, I not only feel transformed from the inside out as a result of my experience with Angie, but others seem to notice it on the outside as well. </p> https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/a-great-compliment#post-14982 Tue, 15 Jul 2008 04:14:52 +0000 Anonymous 14982@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ <p>I'm still learning, but last week a saleslady complimented me on my outfit, especially the colors. After reading the color combo thread, I had decided to wear a robin's egg blue tank (eileen fisher) with my AT yellow cardi instead of a yellow shell. This was with white jeans and bronze metallic flats. I would never have put this combo together before. </p> https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/a-great-compliment#post-14923 Mon, 14 Jul 2008 20:21:04 +0000 christie 14923@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ <p>Oh, Judy and Antje, what great stories! Thank you for sharing. Your stories made me smile. </p> https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/a-great-compliment#post-14914 Mon, 14 Jul 2008 19:10:11 +0000 Antje 14914@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ <p>Oh what a great post. Congrats, Christie! You sure deserve the compliments.<br /> And yes, I also have received several compliments in the last year on either a particular outfit or on my style in general. And it's true, my style has majorly involved since Angie and YLF came into my life.<br /> My mom visited recently and was totally impressed with my outfits (and she is also someone who's always been very into fashion and also very put together.) So that was wonderful to hear.<br /> Other compliments that I love are those coming from total strangers, e.g. while out shopping or running errands. When someone just stops you and says "oh, I love these shoes, and look like you've put such a fab outfit together" etc. It just makes my day. I also compliment women (often strangers) on their outfits much more than I used to, because it always triggers a smile and a moment of happiness. </p>