Your style vs. how others see your style - YouLookFab Forum

Category

Dressing

Welcome! Read about what to wear and how to wear it on the YLF Blog. Join the YLF Forum to ask specific questions or just chat about fashion and personal style. Or check out the curated list of things we love in YLF Finds.

Outfits Ensembles Trends Advice

Your style vs. how others see your style

chirico (Chiara)

(website)

Veteran

I was jocking in another post that my husband encourages me to wear what I call "executive style": suits, stiff shirts etc. Which is a style I like (minus the stiff shirts), but not really what I usually wear, or the best choice for my lifestyle. I find this dichotomy quite interesting.
Another funny episode was when a colleague was getting married, and we were looking at a catalogue of wedding dresses. One of my colleagues saw a lace dress and said something like "this will be your wedding dress", which couldn't be more wrong, as it's really not my style.
And now that I think about it, my mom keeps thinking I only wear flat shoes, which couldn't be farer from truth. Who knows?
Now back to you: have you had cases where your style was not understood at all?

Dressing

41 replies

Latest reply was from rachylou

rachylou

Veteran

Oh now this is something for me to chew on.

My parents believed more in taste than personal style - and you either had good taste or bad taste. They felt it is an objective thing. Altho my mom factors it and my dad wasn't aware of such a thing at all. Haha!

Anyways, I enjoy a good trend, and people don't do too bad if they get me something from Target. But like the office girl at work suggested some leggings to me because they were patterned and soft, but missed some of the finer points there. I do loud but not cute, and soft on the production floor is like wearing a dust cloth: flour magnetizes to it.

My uncle got me a really weird-for me fake necklace. It's sorta global-style. Not me, but I do like it. He REALLY fell down on the job, tho, when he told me he passed over a Sage the Gemini cd to get me like this American dude doing Japanese brunch jazz. I mean, do I look like I do brunch? Hehe

minimalist

Veteran

Often it's in assuming that I'd want more of something they've seen me in one of, because that's my style, right?

There's also the mis-match in their assumption that my style *in the context they know me in* is my style in other contexts of my life. And indeed that how I dress in one area is any indication of my professional/academic/whatever background and activity level.

Great topic, and it's nice to see you here!

rachylou

Veteran

But you know what I'm always wondering/worrying about? If I'm dressing like I think I'm dressing. I fear I blackout during the process, lol.

Ledonna N.

Veteran

Some imagine that I don't like to dress in form fitting clothing. They think I just dress "artistically"

So sometimes I'll remind them not to put baby in the corner.

Sal

Veteran

I have had a few people try and steer me towards more retro looks. I like this look but it has taken a bit of a backseat over recent years.

Astrid

Veteran

My style was once described as sporty and tomboyish ("burschikos" which to me has a negative connotation, tomboyish doesn't) by an extended family member. I was definitely taken aback. My friends all call my style "dressy" but I personally don't feel it is all that dressy. It's all relative I guess.

Summer

Veteran

It's strange how others try to impose their own taste on their partner/friend/relative, isn't it? My mother used to assume I was a true classic like herself, while my husband would probably like to see me dressed in form-fitting clothes with sky-high heels - I'd feel very uncomfortable dressed that way!

I'm not sure that I know how others see me - maybe that's just as well! - so I'll probably just carry on dressing to suit myself and the occasion.

Archer

Veteran

Just checking in after ages. Is there an obvious point at which we admit that- how others see your style, is what this blog is about?

Ledonna N.

Veteran

I don't understand the Question Archer? I think this blog is something more thank just people seeing my style

UmmLila (Lisa)

Veteran

And this is why Christmas shopping is so hard ...

Anonymous

This is a very disturbing post to me. I would hope for synchronicity but now I wonder. And if my real life friends see me differently than I do myself, what went wrong?????? Am I somehow presenting a confusing and contradictory style front?

And as for UmmLila's comment about Christmas shopping. I SECOND that. It can suck big time as I try to find the most perfect gift for teenage girls (and boys for that matter).

Traci

Veteran

I think this is just a part of the human condition. I'm often flumoxed by the knowledge that others don't see *me* as I see myself. Not just the outer me, but my motivations, intentions, fears, insecurities. It's just a fact of life that there is so much complexity to us as human beings that no one can ever really get all of it. Some come close.

This extends to fashion too. It's easy to see someone always wears a particular red scarf, but what to make of it? Maybe it's sentimental? Maybe it's the color? Maybe it's was chosen for fiber content? Maybe it was the last color left at deep discount? Who could know? So we tend to filter the information through our own filters and come up with conclusions that may not fit.

Bijou

Veteran

For me it is more what other people like me to wear vs what I do wear. My husband loves it when I wear minimal black clothing, that veers towards hard edge (black shift dress with an Alexander McQueen skull scarf, black Burberry trench and black boots)...whereas my Mum loves me in colour, wearing something quite dressy. Personally I like dressing according to my mood, but will deliberately dress to please the important people in my life from time to time.

Anonymous

No one in my life, other than my mother, has ever suggested to me what to wear. I always get compliments on what I wear, and no one has ever said that what I wear doesn't suit me. If they think that, they certainly aren't voicing it.

Alexandra

(website)

Veteran

Apparently, I have a consistent style that really expresses who I am because most people who've known me for a while can correctly point out garments and accessories that I would wear. I've always found it funny but also reassuring because it says that others see me as I see me.

Janet

(website)

Veteran

I think that I've come to a place where my style has gotten more consistent, and in the process it becomes easier for people to see it as part of me.

My husband tends to think I can pull off looks that are best left to someone younger and thinner. In a way, I hate to burst his bubble, so I've learned to deflect.

Gifts are a funny thing. People tend to repeat what was once successful, even if years have passed and tastes may have changed. One of my dear friends received a funny pig figurine decades ago, as a bit of an inside joke. Well, it led to years of people giving her pig-themed memorabilia. She has been over it for a long time, but it's tough to get people to stop once they've associated a certain motif with you.

Anonymous

Oh! I wonder if Bijou didn't hit upon the answer. Her response makes a lot of sense to me and fits human nature to a tee.

Anonymous

I think people see me as El Casual (La Casualista?), and I do think I present as such. However, I have been trying to take on a dressier look since joining YLF, and I'm not super-sure I'm succeeding, ha!
Lately I've been thinking about quitting the fight against 'Casual Creep' and focussing my efforts on finding a great casual style that works for my life...hmmm...

texstyle

(website)

Veteran

I don't think I have a clue about how others see my style! No one I know really talks about style (which is why I'm here so often). I hope that the sometimes random compliments I get might mean that they see it as something they like and that I am approachable.

always trying

Veteran

I dress only to please me. Used to get recognition at work, and stated as an example of how we should dress.

I get compliments sometimes, but usually about my shoes or one item I am wearing. sometimes someone,Frequently DH, says something like "you look nice". But I am of the belief that most people pay absolutely no attention to what you are wearing. This is of course unless you are wearing something that really stands out.

texstyle

(website)

Veteran

Thinking back I remember my mom-in-laws husband once picking out a dress for me (she took him shopping to help choose gifts) and it was perfect in every way - at that time I should add. I wouldn't wear the same dress today as it was a much softer/younger style than I prefer now, but at the time it not only fit perfectly, the colors were right as was the style. And my mom-in-law has learned more about my style I think as she does a pretty good job guessing what I might like. So I guess after some thought, there are some people who do get my style, but mostly because they like to shop/dress themselves as well so they are into fashion more than most.

Helena

Veteran

I think generally the particularities of my style are so subtle (e.g. the relative skin-flattering merit of navy over black), that most people wouldn't notice them. I think generally I am seen as relatively polished and conservative, which is fair. My husband despairs of my modesty in dress but has learned to live with it! I do have one friend who I THINK assumes I dress modestly out of lack of confidence, and classic because I'm not up on trends. Both are incorrect but whatever.

I recently read somewhere that personal style could be determined by applying a "dress for the job you want" philosophy to your personal/casual style. For me this is roughly "respectable mom and wife" (yes, that is a little 1950s Cleaver-esque of me) which I think I have covered, so beyond that, people can think what they like!

cindysmith

Veteran

I think people who have known me for a really long time see my style more accurately than people who have only known me for the last decade or so. See, my mom knows that, no matter what style I've dressed in at any given phase of my life, I'm always drawn to things that are a bit "off", off-putting, edgy, tough, or just plain weird. People who have only known me for the last 2 or 3 years probably think the same thing. Those who have only known me since I got sober probably still associate me with the stuff I wore for the first 8 or so years of sobriety, which was much more polished and dressy than my current style.

Ultimately, though, I do think that the stuff I wear now isn't as out there as I would like to wear, or as I feel inside. However, I live in a real small town in rural Texas, and I don't want to get tarred and feathered, so I do tend to mix it with more minimalist pieces. I have a hard time making small talk IRL, so I would really like to wear things that keep people at a distance so that I don't have to feel awkward LOL. Since I mix my dystopian pieces with minimalist ones, strangers in public probably don't see me the way I see myself

rachylou

Veteran

I'm back Like a bad penny! But this is a really good one to me. Because I think it's easier to simply look nice than to achieve a specific style day in and day out. There are many distractions. For example, when I get up, I just want to be warm. It's a pretty overriding desire. I'll wear anything in any combo to achieve that.

Alexandra

(website)

Veteran

Rachy, yes, I do that too. But I'm thinking that the style is still mine because everything I buy or make reflects who I am inside. So even wrapped up in multiple layers, with a heating pad under my feet, I still look recognizably like me. Same for you, right?

JAileen

Veteran

My mother in law used to give me things that were the opposite of my style. Such as an acrylic pink sweater with embroidered flowers. I would never ever wear that. Every year it was something really awful. I started to wonder if it was some sort of passive aggressive behavior. Last Christmas she gave me a fake leather handbag. Not only do I not like fake leather, but I didn't like the style of the bag, and to top it off, it was brown. It turns out she's developing dementia.

rachylou

Veteran

That's what all my hopes ride on Alexandra! Lol. But you know, I shop where everyone else does so...

shedev

Veteran

My mom, the same person that teases me for packing a suitcase full of grey and black clothes, got me a giant poncho in soul sucking beige with some sort of tribal like print on it for christmas a couple years ago. It was so long that it nearly touched the ground. Most people in my life realize that I do my own thing when it comes to clothes. I get a lot of compliments from my coworkers because I like clothes with a lot of details and luxe fabrics. They see the sporty side of my style because I wear some of the clothes from a couple years ago. I wouldn't know where to begin to explain dystopian luxe to them.

Bennett

Veteran

I commented on a previous thread regarding my MIL's puzzling gifts of clothing to me, maybe she is dressing the woman she wishes her son had married???

Funny, funny, funny story: When my husband's grandmother passed away at nearly 100 years of age, I wore a pale pink cashmere sweater set with 'diamond' buttons up the front. It was a Christmas gift from my MIL.

Imagine my horror upon approaching the casket and seeing deceased great gram dressed in THE EXACT SAME SWEATER SET. Diamond buttons and all! Wonder who got her that ???!

Needless to say I quickly retrieved my coat and walked around buttoned up in it for the rest of the services.
I'm still scarred by it ......... : )

12