I'm not a parent, but in thinking about the general issue, it's really about two things in my mind: a) exposing kids to scary or violent stuff that the kids don't have a choice about (i.e. the sitter, taking a toddler to a scary adult movie, etc.) b) teaching kids how to process or avoid the disturbing and graphic stuff they are going to run into online, because they will, and being curious and morbid like everyone else, they will sometimes seek it out.

You can block google, but you also would have to block tumblr, twitter, facebook, wikipedia, livejournal and that's not even going into the fact that any friend's smartphone that links to the web links to the world including the graphic and disturbing parts. (Maybe I'm behind the times but I've yet to meet a safesearch program that didn't just slow down your computer and couldn't sometimes be worked around).

Speaking of internet memes: 'brain bleach' 'what has been seen cannot be unseen' the various 'NOPE' gifs, are all jokes about seeing or reading things online that you really wished that you hadn't. Fanfiction writers often post warnings at the beginning of their stories, but again, it's up to the reader to chose wisely which rabbit holes to go down.

So maybe in my mind it's less about trying to block all the holes in the dam of information, because how could you really, but more like teaching how to be selective and read cues about the source before diving in. This is a useful skill not only because scary things can be scarring as opposed to spooky fun, but because certain online content (porn in all its forms for example) can sometimes become too enticing and addictive before someone learns to set limits for themselves or differentiate fantasy from reality.

Bravo to the kids for informing their dad immediately, and bravo to their dad for making his concerns known to authorities, too. I agree that there is violence and disturbing content online and in real life and that kids need to learn how to deal with it, but intentionally exposing minor children to something they are not ready and equipped for - especially when they are already going through a dark time in their lives - is irresponsible and potentially criminal, IMO.

And to insist that ANYTHING be "secret" between a sitter or outside adult and someone else's children is a definite NO. I've always told my kids that if any adult EVER tells them to keep a secret, that means that something bad or illegal is going on and that they need to tell me at once. When they were small, they would come home from school and say, "We are making surprises at school for our mums for Mother's Day, and our teacher told us it is a secret until we bring it home, but I thought I should tell you." I would reassure them that them telling me that they were making something was enough in that instance, but thanked them and praised them for telling me.

This is really horrifying.

I know that ghost stories and the like can be a type of fun, but in our day and age, we also have very graphic images that go with these stories. In the past, it was just a story, and you made up your own images in your head. Or maybe someone would bring in a prop of sorts and say, "This is the backpack that little Charlie was carrying when he met the ghost." But when you see graphic images that are meant to look real (in a video, which it sounds like was the case here), you form a visual image in your brain as a memory that you cannot get rid of. For instance, how many of us can simply block out the pictures of 9/11 that we saw on the TV? We can't. They're burned into our memory. And real-life violence is enough without adding this stuff to it, imo.

I think too there is a problem here with authority. Yes, if Mom and Dad decide that some kind of violent movie is OK to watch, there is kind of a safety net where Mom and Dad are watching with the kids, and they can discuss it later. But in this case, the babysitter just shows up and shows them this movie and then leaves. It doesn't sound to me like this was a psychologically healthy way to view this video. I hope that makes sense. I'm kind of having a hard time explaining what I mean.

I read the Witches book that Irene mentioned, years ago. I loved it! But there was no sexual content, as far as I recall, and it was illustrated in a line-drawing way: no graphic violence was meant to appear real. And there was humor interspersed too, which helps the child put the whole story into context as fiction. (For example, I remember that children smelled stinky to witches and that children weren't supposed to bathe, because that made them even smellier to the witches!)

I can only assume that this babysitter didn't know about the recent attempted murder surrounding the Slenderman story, or she wouldn't have done this.

Ceit, I'm glad you chimed in.

Deborah, there's no app or movie to avoid with Slenderman. It's a meme, a viral story, like urban legends or Grumpy Cat.

Also, this is a teen babysitter we're talking about, right? First, let's not tar all girl teen babysitters with the same brush. Second, this was a really bad lapse of judgement, but hardly criminal. Even her telling the kids it was a secret was probably some just-among-us-kids spooky build up. I remember rituals we "couldn't talk about," don't you?

Teenagers often make bad decisions, it's in their brain chemistry and because of their limited understanding of life. They also live in a rarified world (at least in the US) that creates a self-contained teen reality. I'm sure this girl never stopped to think. And I'm so sorry the other children suffered and I feel for them deeply with what more is to come for them. It's heartbreaking.

But I'm really surprised at the vehemently negative responses here over what was a very insensitive, stupid act, but really, not criminal or possibly even meant to be unkind.

Well put ik.

OMG !!!! What in the world did the babysitter think would be an acceptable outcome of doing this ? I know a little about Slenderman. The terrible thing about it is that it portends that he is real. 10 year olds would have a very hard time thinking logically about it. Someone who is a babysitter should know better than to show kids scary things. I would venture to say that Slenderman is a bit more than just your typical "scary" story. The judgement call here by the babysitter is atrocious - brain chemistry or not. It shouldn't take much to understand that to tell 3 10 year olds about someone who accepts human sacrifice while their mom is being "sacrificed" is just bad.

Regarding the attempted murder by the young girls who were Slenderman devotees ; one of the girls is mentally ill. That was not surprising.

What disturbs and annoys me more is the 'keep it a secret' part. If any adult (or anyone significantly older to my kids) said that to my kids, I would definitely say 'WTF' and fire them (if I paid them to look after my kids that is). Period.

The girls need to be commended to have approached the dad. And the poor guy is obviously dealing with a lot already to deal with more issues caused by people who he entrusted to look after his children. Teens who decide to sit children need to understand their duties well. After all it is a responsibility which they agree to (and not forced to) take upon themselves.

Janet, you clearly are a lovely friend and obviously you are angry on his behalf.

I think we can all agree the sitter made a very bad call here.

Neel, I think that your point is really the crux of the matter : no one, especially a babysitter should be encouraging children to do things that need to be kept a secret from the parents. No one.

Janet, how is the family doing now?

Thank you for asking, Dana. They're doing as well as can be expected. Their mom is in the hospital, full of a fresh infusion of blood and steroids, so she actually looks and feels better than she did a couple of weeks ago. They're continuing to be as positive as possible. I can't tell you how remarkable this woman is. She is off the charts for life expectancy for multiple myeloma, and she has beaten the odds for so many years. I know that it's inevitable that someday they would run out of options for continuing to buy time, but there has always been hope that another treatment will come along.

I really appreciate all the responses and background on the SM thing too. I now get that it didn't start as something as warped as some recent events would indicate it has become (for some people!). I confess that my initial reaction was quite strong, just because I was so shocked that a babysitter would show some really adult content to kids, much less kids who are in a vulnerable place. Telling them to keep it secret was a big red flag. I guess she knows better now.

Thank you for all your good thoughts and prayers.

Janet, that is ALWAYS the hope in these things : that something new will come along. You never, ever know. Even if it is the opening of a clinical trial. I saw that so often when I was Harvard Med and the affiliated hospitals.

More importantly, when you have children, every extra day is a huge step in their development ( unlike adults ). So every day that she is here to share with her children, is a huge impact on them.

Let her know that a bunch of women that she doesn't know are rooting her on !

I used to do quite a bit of babysitting as a teen . Personally I believe my standards for acceptable books, music,and movies was even MORE strict than some of my charges parents . What the teen did should get her blackballed in the community as a sitter. Obviously she is Not trustworthy in the care of children. When given charge of a child it's best to err on the side of caution. What's next ? Ignoring a life threatening allergy because they must be making it up or blowing it out of importance? The best interest of the children and the parents instructions should be paramount .

Disgusting. I hope that he is able to put a bad comment or some sort of review on this babysitter. I know it does not solve anything, the insensitivity and shock is already there, but at least will give some consolation. How horrifying! I'm sorry.

This is about a total lack of boundaries... For anyone to think they have the right to cross the line and determine what is appropriate for someone else's child is wrong.. With someone else's children you err on the side of being more cautious. ..This individual knew it was wrong, hence asking them to keep it a secret... No adult should ask a chlld to keep a secret unless it's a surprise b'day party type thing and as parents things like this are a reminder to make sure your children know that....
THere really are a lot of toxic people in this world...I hope the replacement babysitter is well vetted and comes from a recommendation of someone who knows the person's character...