WIW:Thanking Jenava - YouLookFab Forum

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WIW:Thanking Jenava

Maneera

(website)

Veteran

Yesterday, I posted a thread asking about a solution to back flab. I got a lot of great advice on what kind of bras & fabrics to avoid, and I will keep all that in mind for all future purchases.

But....what about some of the clothes I already have that show my back flab? And what if I'm not willing to part with these clothes? Jenava's advice really hit home --- make peace with it. It's just some extra curves to love. And Jaileen added - don't look at your back! Both really really excellent pieces of advice!

So here I am, wearing a top that I absolutely love from the front, but this is the one that first made me notice this issue. Or rather, my sister noticed it and brought it to my attention. I think the problem is mostly exaggerated because of the clingy, cheap georgette fabric (the top is from Forever21). But I still like this top. A lot. I love the way it drapes and the crossover front design.

I will mostly wear this top for spring & fall with a jacket because it has full sleeves too. But I just wanted to wear it today and feel good in it. I've made my peace with the back flab. It's a part of my body....no need to feel ashamed of it. I've even added the best pic I could manage with the phone in #4.

Thanks again Jenava! And Isabel & LisaP and Jaileen....and all others who gave me excellent advice. Solution Found!!!

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33 replies

Latest reply was from JAileen

Astrid

Veteran

Maneera I think you look great! And your back looks fine to me. You know what I would think if I saw you on the street and would by chance notice your back? I would think - finally a woman who is not wearing a wrong sized bra with the bra band between her shoulder blades! I'm a pear which means I'm rather tiny on top and if I wear a correct sized bra (tight 30 band) then you can see it on my back too with a lot of tops.

goldenpig

(website)

Veteran

I don't even see anything wrong with #4. I wouldn't have noticed anything but even though you point it out, I still don't think your back looks "flabby". You look great and super stylish so I wouldn't worry about it! We've gotten so conditioned by the media to think that there is something wrong with normal body curves. We are not plastic figurines. Our bodies should not be rigidly smooth. Rest assured you look fantastic!

bella

(website)

Veteran

I think that's a normal part of human physiology Maneera! You look absolutely adorable, no need to worry!

rachylou

Veteran

I don't know. Have to think if this can be counted as back flab

Maneera

(website)

Veteran

Oh this is quite a revelation. So none of you notice anything off here?

I am beginning to think that my sister is bad for my body image! Only kidding. But she does manage to notice a lot of stupid things. Hmm.....best pay such comments no mind in the future

Jaime

(website)

Veteran

Nothing is off and you look terrific- sisters can pay inordinate attention to details and project a lot of insecurities on each other. (But I can't wait to see mine in three weeks!)

Maneera

(website)

Veteran

Thanks Jaime. I know just what you mean.

The more I think about it, the more I realize my sister's comments project a lot of her insecurities. Thankfully I have YLF now to point me in the right direction

pil

Veteran

I don't see it as an issue, Maneera. I love everything about this outfit and your hair is looking particularly pretty.

RobinF

Veteran

Good for you! I think this looks great as always! Interesting comment that your sister is projecting her insecurities onto you, maybe she needs to join us here!

Helen11

Veteran

Looks fine at the back!! Keep on wearing that top, it really is a lovely shape. I try not to ask my sister too many clothes or fashion questions, which is why I ask them here. She, however, always looks good without trying!

Janet

(website)

Veteran

I see absolutely nothing to cause concern. That top is fab, and you look fantastic. I see bra lines on ALL shapes and sizes of women, and that's all I see there. Even then, I only saw them because I was looking for them. This isn't the first time you've mentioned your sister talking about body issues, so I think you are onto something about her "projecting."

Ginger

Veteran

I really agree with Jenava. Honestly, I don't think this is an issue at all. Women have a layer of fat beneath the skin, and a bra band that's snug enough to do its job is going to demonstrate that. There's nothing excess about it. It's like having a strap "bump" shadow through at the top of a shoulder; it's a visible artifact of wearing the thing.

Sara L.

Veteran

I think you look fine. I get this too and decided a while ago that I was going to ignore it. Since I can't see it without making a special effort - it's out of sight, out of mind.

Suz

(website)

Veteran

I do not think this is an issue with this top at all. It looks fantastic on you.

Angie made a point the other day on the body image thread about how helpful it is to surround yourself with people who don't criticize you. Obviously, your sister was probably trying to be helpful, but maybe you can take a page from my book from the early days with Mr. Suz and speak with her about this in a kind but direct way.

Gosh we women are hard on ourselves!

Maneera

(website)

Veteran

I think so too, Janet.

Suz, my sister was definitely trying to be 'helpful'. But I think her 'help' does have a slightly negative effect sometimes. Honestly, the better approach in my case would be to just not let such comments bother me....I want to be a good example to her and I can't do that unless she talks of her insecurities. For example - I can't tell her a little flesh underneath the bra strap is nothing to worry about unless she tell me about it.

Only recently I convinced her that curvy thighs are nothing to worry about and she should try shorter dresses & skirts. (She pointed out my skirts & shorts are too short. I still wore them & wore them until her eye adjusted and then she pulled out her own short shorts and joined me! Our body shape, weight and size is very similar with her just being a little shorter than me).

I don't have many body image issues to begin with. And the few 'flaws' I imagined have all been clarified here. So I'm really very very very thankful for YLF

Angie

(website)

Fashion Stylist

I echo what Suz and Rachy said.

You look GREAT, and I don't see back fat.

Anonymous

I'm going to join the big ol' chorus saying you look great and no back fat. Awesome in fact!

jill58

Veteran

You look great and have nothing to cover up!

Firecracker (Sharan)

Veteran

Wow, you look great in this outfit, Maneera. The top is so flattering, you wear that style and length of skirt so, so well, I love the silver on the sandals, and your wavy hair is gorgeous. Head to toe fabulousness.
I saw your post yesterday about back flab, and I felt I couldn't deal with another post scrutinizing body parts that don't fall into line. But here I will go ahead and add what I think about "back flab": I am a thin, fit person, and I have it. So I think it's a non-issue; let's call it flesh or skin. It's not flab.

Anonymous

I think your sister was just trying to pick a fight . Nothing is going on back there - seriously . And your hair is so ridiculously cute I can't stand it .

Runs With Scissors

Veteran

You look fantastic! There's nothing going on in back that draws the eye in a bad way -- what I notice is your cute haircut!

Our exteriors are made of soft, pliable material and not hard plastic, and thank goodness for that.

Peri

Veteran

I went through a stretch of time, I forget if it was last summer or the year before, where I was all aware of this too, and feeling bad about it. Then I was watching some TV show with some thin, fit actress and you could see some bulge around her bra in the back too. I just think it is human. We have to have some looseness there or we couldn't bend and move! And if a bra is so loose as to not cause the slightest indentation I think it is not going to help much as a bra! Personally I think this is just one more created issue women are supposed to feel bad about. Probably so they can sell us things to "fix" it.

Anyway, you look great, all I see is normal, and I'm so glad you decided to wear it and be happy.

MsMaven

Veteran

"A man on a trotting horse wouldn't notice it!" I don't remember where I got this from, long, long ago, but it was some words of wisdom on not fretting over things that wouldn't be noticed by most people. I wouldn't have noticed this had I seen you in person. I would have thought what an attractive, vibrant person you are.

On the other side of the coin, there is this, which I don't remember exactly. Something about always wearing clean underwear because you never know if you might get sick or have an accident, and you would only want to be seen in the emergency room in clean underwear! At this point in my life I'm not sure that I would care what the medical folks in the emergency room thought about my underwear. The advice comes from my youth when most people actually wore underwear!

I never worried about back fat until I read an article about Raquel Welch where someone pointed out that she had back fat. What? Never knew there was such a thing. So, as others have said, you look great and don't worry about it.

Maneera

(website)

Veteran

Thank you ladies. I'm going to wear the heck out of this top now!

Ledonna N.

Veteran

I understand what your looking at Maneera. I have the same issues concerning the back look. I think we tend to magnify our own bospdy issues. Like most of the Fam said they don't see it. You always look lovely and you are what we see in beautiful clothing. Not the backside.

dakotacheryl

Veteran

Maneera, I think that top is fab on you!!

One thing I discovered about back flab...I watched a video on Youtube about determining bra size. She showed how to determine proper cup size by taking off bra, and to get your cup size, you get down like on all four so that breasts are dangling LOL. One of the reasons is that breast tissue extends further toward the back than we realize...although you look pretty goofy while you're measuring.

I did this, and went from a 36DD to a range of 34G to 36F (I ordered bras 3 times on Nordstrom before finding a nice selection that fits). The cups in bigger sizes extend further on my sides than the smaller cups do. When I put on my new bras, I have to adjust the cups and pull my breast tissue into them from the sides (is this too much info?)...any way...no more pooching out of tissue above and below my bra band on my back!!!! It's magic.

Tanya

Veteran

You look stunning in this and I don't see any issues with your back whatsoever.

Bijou

Veteran

Have to agree with the above - you look great in this. There is no need to keep it to wear only under jackets.

Angela K

Veteran

Totally have to agree with everyone else--I see no back fat at all--and on another note--even if you did have back fat-I think that your FAB legs would distract from it. No more worries about the back view!

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