WIW 01/15/13 - Purple for Courage - YouLookFab Forum

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WIW 01/15/13 - Purple for Courage

Amy

(website)

Veteran

I had the most spectacularly awful performance review of my entire career yesterday. My boss didn't provide one word of constructive criticism. Instead, she wrote an entire single-spaced page of commentary about how I was unable to think critically, solve problems and be assertive enough to get anything done. I was blind-sided by this which shouldn't happen in a performance review. She never mentioned these issues to me before.

Moreover, not one of the other attorneys with whom I work took the time out of their busy schedules to mention all the times I have helped them out with one crisis or another. What a let down!

In short, I'm feeling very small and unhappy today. I'm angry and sad. But I'm not going to let this get the better of me. I'm wearing purple for courage today. This outfit would have a happiness factor of 100% if the pants were actually PPL, but I'm settling for 95% happiness.

Sorry about all the above. It's hard to get past something like that in one short day!

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53 replies

Latest reply was from Day Vies

moira

Veteran

That must have really let the air out of your tires, Amy. I'm so sorry.
Good for you for finding a way to buck yourself up and go back in and show 'em what you're made of.
You look GREAT!!!!!

Transcona Shannon

Veteran

You look SPECTACULAR Amy! Those rich purples are gorgeous on you and I adore the animal print belt and shoes.

I'm so sorry about what happened at work Are you able to meet with your boss again and ask why these issues were never brought up before in order to allow you to undertake some changes? I find it quite unfair that you were bombarded with this without any prior discussion.

Aziraphale

Veteran

Oh my god, I'm so sorry! You are taking a very mature attitude to this. I would be furious. You're right, a performance review should not be a surprise!

FWIW, you look fantastic in that outfit. Good luck with sorting everything out at work.

celia

Veteran

Oh Amy, I would feel the same if that happened to me.Were you given any guidelines on what to do from now on?
Luckily you look Fab as always. I simply *love* that purple jacket.

Sara L.

Veteran

So sorry!! That sounds absolutely awful! On the plus side, you look great. I love the purple and the leopard print together.

Asingh

(website)

Veteran

Amy, don't be upset. It's really unfair that your boss never brought up any (alleged) issue prior to the review so that you would be aware of the situation. Don't let unhealthy criticism bog you down.

And YLF! Great outfit.

rute

Veteran

ohh.. so sorry!
Great attitude you look gorgeous, so chic, you look like you should be the boss

Jenava

(website)

Veteran

Oh my goodness! Amy, let me assure you, which you probably already know, has you all wrong and is NOT a good judge of such things. Is she a newer manager? FWIW, I had this also happen to me and I changed jobs and got promoted almost instantly. So don't let this horrible person's bad judge of character and horrible management skills worry you. Hey, for all you know she may have a friend she wants to hire in your place and is manipulating you to leave!

Needless to say you'll be job searching. (-: Good luck!

texstyle

(website)

Veteran

Amy, first, you look wonderful today in purple!

It is a tough business environment right now and companies may be feeling the added pressure which could reflect in your review. It is no fun to get blindsided but in my own experience giving many reviews over the years I've found that sometimes it's just a lack of regular communication. What felt like a long list of issues might not be as long as it seemed, and at least now you know what your supervisor is thinking. One time I asked a good employee during a review to try to curb casual conversation with me because we are a smaller company and my time was so limited with each person. She took that one criticism to heart so broadly that she barely would tell me or anyone how she was doing any more! I finally resolved it, but sometimes I think the recipient of the criticism might feel it's a bigger issue than the bearer of the news. I can't say for sure in your case, but I can say that taking positive action towards being your personal best is really the best thing any of us can do. And checking in once in a while (but not too often) with your supervisor and ask her how you are doing and ask for feedback if needed.

Keep your beautiful smile on, keep communicating and don't let this get you down. Reviews sometimes do bring some of the simmering isses out in the open.

Most important, keep in mind the reviewer is supposed to be trying to help you - and is probably pretty darned stressed herself having to do this whole process.

Mochi

Veteran

Amy, that person was way out of line and I would not have held up half as well as you are. I would have been devastated. I'm sure in the upcoming days when things have calmed a bit, you can straighten this all out.

In the meantime, I really love this outfit so much. Monochromatic (a new love of mine) and so much textural interest, plus a great silhouette and fantastic leopard accents that are perfect against the plum. Now more than ever before, you are pulling so many great looks out of your closet.

TraceyLiz65

(website)

Veteran

I love your look and your attitude. I hope that you can get to the bottom of this and why nothing was said before that review. Best of luck and remember to talk kindly to yourself!

Debbie

Veteran

Love the purple and hopefully they will get the message.
As someone who gives reviews (and hates it) I am appalled that it was totally negative. A review is supposed to be structured in a way to provide a solution for issues and also to point out the positives.
You were blindsided yesterday. I suggest that later this week you respond to the review in writing. If you need anything please PM me.

Amy

(website)

Veteran

Thanks for the words of support, everyone.

Texstyle, I appreciate you trying to help give me some perspective. It's difficult when you feel attacked; however, the kind of critique you are describing is very different than what I received yesterday. With the situation you described, you asked for a very specific behavior change. That's something one can work on improving. Good critiques focus on things a person can change like behavior, work product and knowledge. My review yesterday did not contain any suggestions like that. Instead, I was given a litany of complaints about my intellectual deficiencies...not work product or knowledge, but ability to THINK. I can't change that significantly.

Debbie, thanks very much, I might take you up on that.

Tricia

Veteran

Amy, I am so sorry. That sounds awful. But you look great today - keep your head up and I hope things get better very soon.

Angie

(website)

Fashion Stylist

Urgggggh! You poor, poor thing. (((HUGS))). How demeaning and infuriating. How unprofessional and small. I'm so sorry :(. Is it worth asking for a follow up meeting, Amy? Good grief. What on earth did your manager think this would achieve with this strategy? I am shocked.

And KILLER outfit. Chin up pretty lady! We know you are fab.

texstyle

(website)

Veteran

I am sorry to hear that - I thought just maybe it wasn't as bad as it first seemed but it sounds like it was. Maybe it is just time to consider moving to a more supportive work enviro. Warm wishes to you today and in your future - it is a new year after all, so maybe it is a good time to make a change.

pil

Veteran

You should feel courageous in purple, Amy, that color is absolutely gorgeous on you. I'm sorry to hear your employment review was so disheartening.

Suz

(website)

Veteran

Amy, that is a fantastic outfit! Absolutely stunning. The purples are beautiful on you and the textures are so rich and luxurious. Love the pops of leopard, too. You are showing how regal you are (as well as brave) and are quietly ROARING your displeasure and that is absolutely right.

I'm so sorry about your review. My husband and I once sat through a parent teacher interview like that. For over an hour we listened to a litany of our daughter's faults and problems (after having heard nothing but good for the first two months of school). Finally my husband said, "Do you see any positive qualities or signs of growth in this child?" And the teacher waited a full minute before she answered. She could not think of one.

Needless to say, we removed our daughter from the school.

I am not telling you to remove yourself from this job, but if people can't see your very obvious positive qualities, well....

ironkurtin

Veteran

You are beautiful and that is horrendous behavior.

Is there a HR department you can speak with about productive steps to deal with this critique? By that I mean, saying you were blindsided and all of the other things you said above, and saying you'd really like to hit expectations, so what are benchmarks you can set? If no HR dept, another possibility is speaking to one of the other attorneys about this - one you know you've helped and with whom you feel some rapport.

If it helps, I had a spectacularly hideous review when I was in a corporate setting, so bad that HR bounced it back saying it was impossible. It cost me a standard of living raise when I was pregnant (!). I have still never forgiven my manager. Even though he apologized. Sometimes people suck. I'm sorry.

Diana

Veteran

I'm so sorry, Amy. That sounds like a singularly mean and unhelpful review, and I agree that it's very unprofessional that she never brought up these issues before now. Would it help to ask for a face to face meeting to discuss this?

Your outfit is gorgeous! I love that shade of plum so much and the rich, tonal shades are so luxurious and stunning.

Thistle

Veteran

You are correct. A performance review should NEVER be a surprise! Especially a negative one. I give you kudos for chin up. I have to admit that I would be polishing my resume and looking for other work. Your manager clearly does not have mentoring you or helping you to succeed on her agenda. If she did, she would have been helping youa long the way!

Your outfit looks amazing! I love the deep rich purples on you. So pretty!

MsMary

Veteran

Ye gods!! What a revolting development! I'm so sorry, Amy! That kind of thing is so hard to take! What a horrible manager that woman is!!

But OMG you look AMAZING in that glorious purple ensemble!! Hold your head up and know you are fab in every way!!

Anonymous

Oh, Amy, I'm so sorry! *shakes fist at horrible boss*

They should give you a raise for looking so amazing! Love this outfit, the leopard touches, and boy do your legs look a mile long.

Anonymous

Well, you look absolutely amazing.

How horrible and unprofessional of your boss. Performance reviews are not supposed to be a chance for someone to pin you like a butterfly and watch you writhe while they dump garbage on your head and you have no escape. I am mad on your behalf.

I find it difficult that someone as articulate as you seems to be mentally deficient, and they fact that they didn't mention ANYTHING nice/over and above is telling about their business culture. Meh.

Sarah A

Veteran

I am so sorry to hear about the horrible day yesterday. The way it was all handles sounds totally unprofessional. How frustrating.

For today though, this outfit is amazing! Lovely color on you and i love the touch of animal print accessories!

Anonymous

I'm really sorry Amy.

Sadly, I can commiserate. I am going thru such experience right now, with this woman that is just plain disrespectful and a very unfair reviewer. Sadly, I feel there is very little to do on the matter, other than document what you do ( or don't do) from this point forward and to try to see if amidst the pile of crap she gave you, there is something of value, at all. The only thing I've done to negate her negative reviews, is some serious PR campaigning, on my behalf, to highlight things that I have done correctly to her boss, in passing and very non chalantly....So, if she goes complaining, he will hear two conflicting stories, mine and hers. He likes me a whole lot and heck, you gotta play the game. You gotta figure out the players and make your move

( hugs)

Well, at least you make for one amazing looking miserable person... Chin up, OK?

qfbrenda

Veteran

I'm so sorry you are dealing with that. For what it's worth, you look amazing.

cobaltblue

Veteran

Amy, that seems completely unfair. I hope you can find a way to request concrete examples of behavior your supervisor would like to see changed so that you at least have something with which you can work. For what it's worth, I always enjoy reading your posts; you seem so articulate and clear-thinking. I'd at least try to file this away with someone (HR? a higher-level supervisor?), including your perceptions of how the meeting unfolded. Maybe you should go do that while you're looking as fab as you are today - what a rich and lovely outfit!

AJ

Veteran

ACK! I have no words for the horrible way you were treated! So sorry.

Purple looks AMAZING on you! I hope all that negativity bounces off your beautiful armor today! <Hugs>

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