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What's wrong with looking your age?

Angie

(website)

Fashion Stylist

Is it a faux pas for someone to correctly guess your age?

Should you strive to look 30 when you are 40? Should you strive to look 15 when you are 25? Should you strive to look 28 when you are 18?

I'd like to hear your thoughts on this.

Dressing

96 replies

Latest reply was from cheryl

Claudia

Veteran

"Is it a faux pas for someone to correctly guess your age?": Not for me.

I will be 51 next month. I am old enough to be a grandmother, having children in their twenties. I have no interest in competing with my lovely, young daughter, trying to look younger than I am, or people seeing us together and clearly knowing I am her mother.

Anonymous

I guess there's nothing wrong with looking your age, but since I don't look or feel my age, I try not to dress my age. I don't feel ready to wear the frumpy stuff the retailers say women my age are supposed to wear, and I'm tired of going to the store and seeing a sea of shapeless "old woman tourist" outfits in the petite dept. Seriously, I don't think the retailers are providing petite women with many options, and the only way I can get clothing I like is to shop online. I rarely go to a brick-and-mortar store anymore.

The only time people guess my age is when I'm with my daughters. When I'm by myself and they don't know my daughters' ages, they guess I'm in my 30s. I'm fine with that! Still, I have no problem telling people my real age. I'm not hung up on that sorta thing.

mrseccentric

(website)

Veteran

Nothing whatsoever!!

as we used to say "Jinx"! i just argued this point over on elisabeth's thread here:
http://youlookfab.com/welookfa.....r-opinions

to quote myself: "Frankly, i love dressing my age - after all, it's who i am now. But the big reason is that i've been learning and practicing about style, sewing clothing, working with detail and proportion and color all these years and i'm *better* at dressing myself stylishly now than i was in my twenties or thirties! Why in the world would i want to go back and lose all that fun and experience? Not to mention giving up the great hats, shoes, bags, and jewelry i've managed to pick up along the road. No way.

I agree that the vast bulk of 'over 40 dressing rules' are sheer hogwash. At the same time, pretending like i'm the same person i was ten years ago isn't for me. As rae put it, we need to change to stay fresh and up to date. If that means getting older, that's fine with me. It's how we choose to use our time here that makes the difference."

in fact i got so fired up about this i posted about it on my blog, too. i'll be very interested to see everyone else's thoughts on this one. Happy Day, steph

Victoria

(website)

Veteran

I don't think its "faux pas" but if someone compliments me on looking younger, its always nice. I would like to think that I want to age "gracefully" which means taking good care of yourself and dressing well no matter what age I am. I have seen very stylish women in their 60s and 70s and what struck me always is that they were always perfectly coiffed and accessorized, nails done, etc. Thats my goal for the future

Diana

Veteran

No, I don't think it's a faux pas at all! But I am someone who often has the opposite problem - everybody thinks I am younger than I am. I've tried my whole life to look older or to just look my age rather than 10 years younger. It doesn't bother me now that I'm in my 30's to have people think I'm 25, but it did bother me when I was actually 25 and people thought I was 18.

But I have to say, my perceptions of what it means to look a certain age are always changing. For example, your client Karen - I would never have guessed she was 70 from looking at her photos. But now that I know she is 70, I say "this is how I want to look when I am 70" and she has totally changed my perception of what it means to "look 70." I don't think "I want to look 50 when I am 70" but rather "I want to look like this fab 70-year-old lady on YLF." I don't know if I am explaining this clearly at all...

nancylee

Veteran

Hmm. It is becoming a bit of an obsession to "not look your age," isn't it? And maybe that's not such a good thing since the genetic cards will be what they will be. Some people will look their age, some will look younger, and still others might look older than their years. To me it's never been a goal to look younger than I am. At age 50, I try to look stylish and modern....not necessarily young...but people do often underestimate my age and I'm fine with that!

I do think it has become a bit of a social custom to underestimate a woman's age when guessing in order to make them feel good about themselves. This is probably not such a bad thing.

Vicki

(website)

Veteran

I think I strive to "look my personality" and sometimes that doesn't equal my "age," but I'm not afraid to say how old I am. I think the caution begins when one hears, "She/he looks good 'for their age.'" Or, "'for an older person,' they look great." It's the addition of these extra, unnecessary phrases that give pause or doubt to someone feeling uncertain about their age.

Transcona Shannon

Veteran

What's wrong with looking your age? Absolutely NOTHING!

I think there's a huge difference between wanting to look the best for your age vs. wanting to look a different age altogether.

I'm going to be 50 on my next birthday and I'm proud of that age - I'm happy to have gotten there! If I make someone guess my age and they say 49, why should that be a faux pas or insulting in any way? I am. There's nothing wrong with that number. Now if they guess, 60, there's gonna be trouble...

That doesn't mean I let myself go - I sitll exercise, eat ealthy, want to take off a few pounds, use moisturizer, minimal make up to enhance what I've got and have a stylish haircut (if I do say so myself).

Somewhere in the last 20 years it became undesirable to let yourself age naturally and gracefully. I think that way of thinking and how advertisers market that negativity has fed a society already youth obsessed.

On the flip side of that, there are advertisers who have young girls (13 - 16 kind of age range) modeling clothing or make up that is really meant for a grown woman. We're not built the same at all.

Bottom line is, you are the age you are - why be any different?

Angie

(website)

Fashion Stylist

Claudia, you are a wise lass.

Steph, I love your thoughts here. You are very in tune with your head and heart.

Ruth, I'm interested to know who says that women in their 50's or older should dress in a frumpy manner.

cciele

Veteran

No faux pas -- in general, I wish people would guess my age! I don't strive to look any particular age, really.

However, ageism still exists in the workplace. In cases in which a youthful or aging appearance might be a detriment, I think it is OK to go for an older or younger look, depending on what's going on in the work environment. Obviously, it'd be better if people were valued for their actual skills and not be judged by age, but sometimes it doesn't work that way.

Angie

(website)

Fashion Stylist

Wow! Can't keep up!

Great thoughts, Cathy! Missed you by the way - great to see you back on YLF.

Vicki, I LOVE the way you think about this - with such sensitivity.

Diana, client Karen is a brilliant example. She is turning 72 and dresses her age in my opinion. I totally want to dress my age - whatever that means - it's all so subjective

Shannon, I don't think it's a faux pas either. Love your healthy perspective.

deedee1221

who says mature women have to look frumpy! i am 41, glad to have made it thus far! when i was growing up 40 was considered old, if i am old then i will gladly take that charge!

Classically Casual

Veteran

My theory is that here in the West, we're still a youth obsessed culture.

A quick story: on Monday I accompanied a dear friend who's 87 to the hospital for an outpatient procedure. My friend is an amazing person who's youthful in every way except her chronological age. She has many, many interests and her awareness of her appearance is far down the list. At any rate, imagine her surprise as she's coming out of anesthesia & the nurses are all hounding her for her "secret". And I witnessed some of this first hand. I think most of us are desperate for a drink from the fountain of youth.

Anonymous

I always wanted to have people guess my age correctly...until I turned 25. Suddenly I didn't mind if people guessed I was younger than my age!

rachylou

Veteran

There's a problem with "looking your age." See, there are three ages:

1. The perfect age
2. Young, stupid and irresponsible
3. Too old to keep up with the program.

The exact number people quote doesn't matter, so long as it doesn't say you're stupid or dead. If people quote your actual number they are either a) autistic or b) being very nasty to you.

Cynthia

(website)

I definitely don't want to regress into the style (loose cheap clothes, as indestructible as possible) that I had as a penniless graduate student in my 20s, or to my fat girl style of solid dark colors. I'd say I've grown into what I look like. If that lets people know I'm in my 40s, so be it. I need to have a certain air of maturity and responsibility in my job, and it's hard to look alpha on campus when you're styled like a student. I sometimes sense a little pressure in the style blogger world for women to stick with baby doll-ish styles and source their stuff from the same places the popular 20-somethings do.

Jamie

Veteran

A faux pas? Not in my book. That doesn't mean I don't notice the changes in myself, but rather than let them get me down, I try to look my best, no matter what my age is. There is absolutely nothing I can do about my age, but I do have the power to dress confidently and take care of myself. I think other cultures, such as the French, hold "aging gracefully" in high esteem. I try to aspire to that and not get too wrapped up in the obsession to look ever younger the older you get.

ironkurtin

Veteran

No. But I probably only say that because everyone always thinks I'm younger than I am, and at 42 (this year), I love it.

Anonymous

Angie, I'm sure my attitude stems from the fact that I live in Frumpville, USA. I see very few stylishly dressed women here, and the stores don't stock the type of clothing I would ever want to wear or be seen in. The situation is totally different when I go to Central America and see so many stylishly dressed women, or when I see the fab women here at the YLF site. I know not all women dress frumpily. It just seems like so many do, and I don't want to look like that. I'm not trying to dress like my daughters. I just don't feel or look like I'm ready to retire.

jayne

Veteran

Honestly, I am 47 and love the look of surprise on those who never guess it. But in a way it surprises me because if you really take a moment to look at me, my skin and face have all the signs of lady over 40. SO what I think is that they don't really look at me. They see my clothes in bright colors and longer hair and general energetic person and 'feel' that I must be younger. So it is a mixed blessing. It is the people who guess correctly who I think are more observant and aware. So the guess also has alot to do about the person doing the guessing! and I love telling my age. My 40's have been the best part of my life so far and I am proud of these years. I like to be the one waking 20 year old up to the fact that 40 is fab!

Jonesy

Veteran

I don't think there is anything wrong with looking my age! In fact, I feel that I am almost 45, and I look a particular way, therefore I *automatically* "look 45." In other words, I am 45 and this is how I look--this is what 45 looks like for me! And, I feel how I feel and I am 45, so yes, I feel like I'm 45! This is what 45 feels like! Of course, there is all sorts of diversity for 45 year olds, just like there is for any age. The problem is our anti-aging prejudice (not here on YLF, just mean the US in general and the inability to see the diversity among people.

Except for on the extremes (newborns and people over 100) we talk about age as relative in our household. Meaning, as a 45 year old, I am younger to my in-laws (who are in their 80s) but older to my kids (who are 13 and 10).

biscuitsmom

Veteran

I dont think so.... it's possible to be either stylish or frumpy whatever your age, so Im not hung up on it. Although I was certainly NOT happy when a customer told me she thought I would be retirement age soon and I was in my mid 40's with very little gray hair! WTH?

DonnaF

Veteran

So what does *X* age look like? Caucasians tend to think I'm younger than I am because I'm Asian so have more melanin in my skin and so comparatively fewer wrinkles than a Caucasian of the same age. Or at least that's my theory.

Professionally, when I was younger (30s), I wanted to look at least my age because that gave me credibility. Now, I definitely don't have that concern but I don't want to look too far over the hill.

In my personal life, I really don't think about age, just a little about frumpdom. DD has wanted me to color my hair for all these years, and I told her I would only until she leaves for college this August. Interestingly enough, she never complained about all my pre-YLF SERIOUSLY out-of-date wardrobe.

Sona

Veteran

Ummmm. Ok my thoughts are a little different. What's wrong with wanting to look younger? After my mom took to yoga full time her skin, body and persona shed 10 yrs and 20 lbs. She glows vitality. I think age is not a number but I don't want to look old as in haggard ( like I do today at work, in pain trying to make it thru the day) but want to glow with that ' never grows old' radiance: a young soul even in an ageing body.

Debbie

Veteran

I don't think there is anything wrong with someone correctly guessing my age. The problem is that society has preceived notions of what you should look like at certain age. I am a over 50 grandmother. That's reality. I don't know how many times I've heard you don't look like a grandmother. I wonder what they think a grandmother is suppose to look like.
I want to look current, confident and productive no matter what age I am.

Angie

(website)

Fashion Stylist

Such interesting perspectives here!

Debbie, you made me smile.

Rachy, if you look stylish - your age is always the perfect number, don't you think?

Sona, I don't think anyone would choose to look old and haggard :). I'm sure you look fab today. Hang in there. (((HUGS))).

Ruth, I'm pretty sure that your heightened sensitivity to looking frumpy has prevented anything of the sort :). 51 sounds like a jolly fab age and I can't wait to dress like I look 51 when I'm 51. As I said earlier, a stylish dresser is always at the perfect age.

Jonesy, you hit the nail on the head. Your look is your look at any given age. Age is SO relative. My Papa thinks I am very young - he is almost 80 and I am virtually half his age.

Jamie, so true. When you live in France, it's the older ladies that blow you away with their style - not the younger lasses.

Janet

(website)

Veteran

Jayne, I know what you mean. I had a SA in Anthro recently seem to be genuinely shocked when I said I'm about to turn 47. I think the closer you get, the more that becomes apparent.

It's a funny thing. When I was 15, I happily "passed" for 18 (mostly due to the size of my chest). I was a mature 21 year old who landed a job that some years later, my boss confessed, I never would have been hired for if he'd known my actual age. And then somehow my age seemed to stand fairly still until I neared 40 and people started guessing me to be younger. I was once asked if my sister (10 years older than me) was my mother (don't worry, I never told her that!).

My mom was pretty obsessed about getting old, and she looked a good 10-15 years younger than her actual age, even on her deathbed. I will admit, I am vain enough that I want to look younger than my age. I don't like the visible signs of my aging -- the way my skin is changing, etc., and this is before menopause even starts!

So even though I believe in "owning" your age, and I don't believe there is anything wrong with looking one's age, I personally prefer to look a little younger. I freely share the number of my age, but I like it when people are a little surprised. Some of it is as simple as vanity, and part of it is that I don't *feel* like I'm pushing 50.

Meredith1953

Veteran

I just turned 59 on May 29th. I am mostly happy with how the years have been treating me. I don't want to look preternaturally young (thinking of "The Portrait of Dorian Gray") but I do like the idea of aging "gracefully". Making the decision to go gray 1 and 1/2 years ago was a really big deal because before then I had always been told how young I look for my age. I am surprised at how much I enjoy looking a little older now. As far as fashion is concerned I am still honing my style which is admittedly casual and sporty- which I don't think lends itself to looking too dated.

Isis

Veteran

I like looking my age, 55!

In fact I am sort of bewildered when people occasionally tell me that I look younger. It's a backhanded compliment, as if being 55 is a terrible secret malady that I manage to hide...

Age and style are completely different things.

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