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what to wear to a funeral?

mscholtz

Hi all,

It is with great sadness that I am typing this. My dad passed away suddenly on Monday after having a severe stroke on Sunday morning.

Whilst I am still in a bit of shock I am left with what to wear to the funeral. I know I have to wear black, but as a daughter, I want to look nice - but not over the top (iykwim).

The wake is also at my house, so I have to be comfortable, as I will be needed in the kitchen etc.

I was thinking of a lace dress I have (it is more of a classic style). Which is getting altered for me at present. It is almost winter here in Aus so it can be a bit cold.

Any suggestions would be appreciated, I also have to organise my husband and 2 kids (boy and a girl).

thanks

Monica

Dressing

19 replies

Latest reply was from yublocka

chewyspaghetti

Veteran

Hi Monica- I am so sorry for your loss.
Here in the US, black is no longer a given for funerals. It depends on the family, situation, etc. We attended one summer funeral a few years ago that was very casual- sundresses, mini skirts, bright colors and shorts were worn (this was for a child). Another funeral in the fall was much more formal, and black was more dominant. I think that anything fairly dressy (dress, skirt/top, or nice pants/top) in a muted tone would probably be fine.

Angie

(website)

Fashion Stylist

Oh, oh, oh Monica. Please accept my heartfelt condolences. I am so sorry to hear of your Dad’s passing. I wish your family strength and may Dad rest in peace.

Chewy is right. You don’t need to wear black to a funeral. As long as you look appropriately un-flashy and dressy, you’ll be fine. I think it’s very important to look dressy at a funeral. After all, this is about paying your last respects. Your dress sounds super, with hose, nice shoes and bag. Perhaps a jacket too. I wore a black pinstripe gangster pants suit to my Mother’s funeral, but I paired it with a cream blouse, pearls and red bag – my Mum would have liked the red bag so I threw it in. I hosted the wake at my Dad’s house afterwards and also spent time in the kitchen – took off my jacket, rolled up my sleeves and popped on a huge apron.

How about a skirt and blouse?

Kristen

(website)

Veteran

I am so sorry for your loss. When they're gone so suddenly, it's especially hard.

My father-in-law passed away in March, and we were at the wake and the funeral for three days. For the wake people were a little less formal; still in black and in nice clothes, but there were pants and blouses and sweaters and such. The funeral itself was all dresses and suits, much more formal and respectful. Dark, subdued or black were all seen.

Chris

Please accept my condolences as well.
You have so much to think about right now most likely that I would try not to be worried about what you are wearing.
I have worn dark suits or coordinates to quite a few funerals (not just black) and felt respectful. A dark pants suit with a simple, colored blouse might be comfortable since you will help in kitchen later.
With the children, I think any of their "dress up" or Sunday-best would be fine. I never expect to see little boys in suits anymore.

mscholtz

thanks for your suggestions, as you can imagine, I'm not really thinking straight at the moment.

hanna

(website)

monica, i have little to contribute to the 'what to wear' discussion, as i have never attended an american funeral, but i trust you have gotten the best advice from the others. i just wanted to chime in and say my thoughts and prayers are with you. i lost my aunt earlier this year, and while she was not a parent, she and i were the best of friends and very, very close. i know how difficult it can be, and i wish you all the strength in the world.

Dashrashi

Veteran

My condolences, Monica.

I have, for whatever reason, been to a number of funerals in the past few years. I usually felt most comfortable in a dark work-appropriate dress (one was black with vaguely mod styling, and the other was a dark-grey-tweedy shirtdress style, both from AT). Those were for summer funerals, so I don't think I brought a sweater, but either would've worked with a sweater or a jacket. I've also done a dark sweater with subdued dress pants, and a dark sweater with a black skirt and opaque black tights--a good option for colder weather. I think most people were wearing subdued/dark colors in church/synagogue-wear: respectful, business-casual-and-up in terms of coverage and formality, and then just tamping down the bright colors.

A friend of mine wore almost exactly what Angie wore to her own mother's funeral--a white shirt and black pinstriped pants. I think that if you have something you know your father liked or would have liked, then that's also a great idea--even if it's hot pink. That, to me, is a time when convention gets trumped by what's actually important and happening in the here and now.

Louise

Veteran

(((hugs)))

I personally would stick to dark neutrals, i don't think i'd feel comfortable in brights but that might just be me.
Thankfully i've only been to 1 funeral. I wore charcoal trousers with a pale check in them, a grey waistcoat with a pale blue shirt underneath then my black winter coat over the top. I had black shoes and bag, though i like Angie's bright bag thought x

Vani

Veteran

Like Hanna, I have never attended an American funeral but I would like to express my deepest and heartfelt condolences. ((Hugs))

Lena

Monica, please accept my condolences. I'm so sorry for your loss.

tarzy

Veteran

Monica - I'm so sorry.

Forgive me - I'm not sure if AUS is Australia or Austria.

I think you've gotten some good advice - I wore black pants, simple top and a blazer to a recent funeral. I felt respectful and properly dressed.

mscholtz

Hi Tarzy,

AUS is Australia, it is almost winter here so it is getting colder, the weather report is for chance of a shower and only a top of 19oC (Celsius).

Inge

(website)

Ah Monica, I'm so sorry for your loss. My thoughts are with you.

Please don't worry too much about clothes, your dress sounds lovely, or you could try a skirt and blouse like Angie suggested.
Do you think you'll need a coat or jacket for the weather they're predicting?

mscholtz

Thanks all. Inge, if it is only going to be 19oC then yes it is best I take a jacket.

Unfortunately the alteration place has not been able to finish my lace dress, so I am unable to wear it (unless I wear it a little too big).

I have a long A line woolen skirt, black shirt, and was thinking of wearing my long boots underneath my skirt. I'll have to try it all on tomorrow to see if it looks ok. Otherwise I have a pencil skirt which I can wear.

Alecia

Veteran

I don't have much to add about what to wear. I just want to express my condolences. I am so sorry to hear about your loss. Please take good care of yourself. I am thinking of you.

Inge

(website)

I think both the A-line skirt and the pencil skirt would look great with tall boots Monica. Take care and we're here if you need more advice or just want to talk.

Angie

(website)

Fashion Stylist

It sounds like your outfit is sorted, Monica. Well done. How are you doing?

Dawn

(website)

It sounds like your outfit is sorted. I just wanted to pop in to say that I'm so sorry to hear about your loss. Take care.

yublocka

(website)

Veteran

Monica I am so sorry to hear about your father. I hope you and the rest of the family are coping ok. Sounds like you are set-wardrobe wise for the funeral so one less thing to worry about. Now make sure you look after yourself and your loved ones. God bless.