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What inspired your wardrobe reduction?

MovingFashionForward

As some of you know, paring down my wardrobe has been an on-going project for some time now, but suddenly, it has become very easy to let go of stuff (and this is not old rubbish, it is all high quality stuff that I love, that fits, is current, and that is in good repair, etc.). I've recently been through a difficult time, caring for my dying father-in-law, arranging his funeral and sitting shiva (which in his community involved us catering for his friends as opposed to them bringing us stuff!), and then we had to quickly go through all his stuff to decide what to do with it all. It was painful -- wanting to honour the brilliant, wonderful man he was, but also needing to throw out or donate lots of his stuff. The experience of going through his stuff has driven me into a frenzy of wanting to get rid of everything I own. It suddenly seems so much easier to edit down my vast clothing and shoes collection (and yes even my books).

Have you had an experience, perhaps unrelated, that has suddenly made it easy for you to pare your wardrobe down to a fraction of its previous size?

Sarah

General

24 replies

Latest reply was from MovingFashionForward

Tina

Veteran

Moving did it for me. We were in a holiday trailer for 3 1/2 months while our house was being constructed. Most of our stuff needed to be stored and I became ruthless with purging in all areas. It continued after we moved in to our new home. Everything was eyed with the question: do you have any significant reason for being here?
It is a very real trauma (for lack of a better word) that our minds go through when faced with a lot of 'stuff' and realizing we have so much more than we need or could ever possibly use to the point of it actually wearing out.

I am sorry to read of your situation. I realize mine does not compare in severity but I do feel with you to some extent.

Deb

Veteran

Sorry that you have had such a sad period in your life. The dying process and death is the most difficult of the human experiences. Such encounters change us in many ways, one being that we fully realise that people we love and their presence is far more important than objects could ever be. It is interesting that you want to get rid of "everything I own". Par down slowly and proceed with some caution during this time of heightened emotion, as grief is generally not the best frame of mind to make radical decisions and dispose of everything. I just don't want you to have any regrets. I can't imagine wanting to get rid of so much, but then I keep things pretty minimal. Take good care of each other and condolences to you, your husband, your family and his family.

Deborah

Veteran

Sarah, mine need to do this was motivated by a couple of things.

Relocating made seriously consider what i wanted to take with us. Sadly this did not translate to my wardrobe and I brought 'everything' with me. But I did pare down my kitchen supplies dramatically:)

My wardrobe reduction was spurred along by the following:

1. I had more clothes than I could every possibly wear
2. I wasn't enjoying all I had
3. I had developed a habit of buying things that were "almost" what I wanted
4. I work in community services and the excess and waste of my wardrobe
was beginning to confront me
5. And finally as went through a period of honing my style, I realised I wanted
less but better.

While I haven't experienced what you have with your FIL, my community work brings perspective to my life daily with respect to just how much many of us have and what actually matters in life.

There is absolutely no judgement here (I don't mind at all if others have big wardrobes and I don't think it 'means' anything), I just feel better in my world knowing that I don't have "things/clothing" hanging around that serve no purpose. I am a person who doesn't do clutter, it effects my inward and my outward person negatiively.

thimblelina

(website)

Veteran

I'm so sorry for your loss Sarah. Hug.

I lost my mother to a brief run against pancreatic cancer about 12 years ago, and a lot of that experience has hardened itself off into memory but, yes, you want to see 'All is vanity' written in all caps in the night sky? Death will do that for us. I've always kept a small wardrobe...in my life, I had a sudden, urgent & irrevocable need to end a few friendships where there was some tension & drama. Just no time, no patience, no place to put that. Done! So maybe that's how you feel right now with some of this clothing? And maybe it's part of your grief working it's way toward an expression? Just go day by day doing as much or as little as feels right. Try not to judge yourself. Stay curious. How does it make you feel when you give things away? More free? Can you feel, or are you just numb?

Anyway, I hold you & your partner up in my thoughts. The death of a parent is hard. Peace to you. xo

Elly

Veteran

My mother doesn't have a very healthy relationship with stuff. Somewhere around the time that she had to have me walk her through the logic of the decision to throw out containers of pencil shavings she'd been saving for over 14 years (she works at a school, no shortage there) I realized that maybe her sense of normalcy when it comes to keeping things isn't normal. I value my home being easy to live in and my chores being easier to do over having things. Clothing makes a poor investment and I'd rather have my money in the bank than in my closet, since I can only wear so much on my body at a time. Still, I was under a real budget crunch and I let scarcity be my guide. When I had put enough money away I finally felt free enough to rid myself of things I was hanging on to in case I needed them. It didn't leave me with a lot, but I realized I wasn't wearing much anyway. Now I'm building things back up to the point that I can do laundry less, but still fit things easily away in my closet and drawers.

I to have done the purging after a family member has passed. It is a rough thing.

Gaylene

Veteran

I think having to deal with another person's belongings changes your perspective on your own pile of possessions. I remember reading somewhere that you should only have things in which you are willing to invest the time and effort to keep in good order. Also, putting the burden of getting rid of your stuff on someone you love because the thought of doing it yourself is too overwhelming seems rather unfair.

After having gone through a major downsizing and relocation, I can honestly say that I don't regret anything that I gave away. Books, clothes, household items, furniture, artwork--most of it was distributed to family and friends or donated to those who had much less. Instead of being stored away in boxes or cupboards, my former possessions are now being used and enjoyed by others. I got to eat cake with families who had to leave their possessions behind when they left their homes behind to emigrate to a new country--and who were so happy to replace their lost goods with "nice" things. My bike now serves to transport a young student to school, my crystal is lovingly cared for by a young mom who didn't believe she would ever own something that costly, and my books are being read by others who can now access them through the community library.

Keeping only the fraction of my stuff that was most important or most useful has been liberating. Oddly enough, I feel richer now with less because what is left is more valuable to me. Weird, but true. The more I had, the easier it was to want more.

jenanded

Veteran

I agree with so many of these comments. I too had seen the enormous amount of stuff my mum had kept- entire dinner sets that were wedding gifts from35+years ago and we had never used, outfits past their prime etc. Then a little over 10 years after that, we moved to a much smaller house. While we now have a few cupboards in our very old house that had none, if they start getting 'full', we cull. I can now travel for months with hand luggage and feel I have enough - and I do. I would still like to reduce my clothes more to project 333 or the 10 piece wardrobe but I am getting there!

Warm wishes to all.

Suz

(website)

Veteran

Sarah, I'm so sorry for your loss and the stress you've been under. I can well imagine it would prompt you to reevaluate.

I have not pared down that significantly but I did pare down a great deal during moves, and for my next move will pare down much, much more (as there are fewer children involved).

I tend to keep my wardrobe very edited to begin with -- culling items every season (while also adding new things) -- but this means it is current. A move to a more temperate climate would see me cull a great deal but otherwise I wouldn't let go of much in the way of clothing. It is my other things that I'd reduce. Although my biggest category is books and those are awfully hard to let go of.

Mary Beth (formerly LBD)

(website)

Veteran

Sarah, my condolences for your loss. Xoxo

Two things drive me...first, like Elly, my mom has a lot of stuff - so much, that a four bedroom house feels cramped with five people in it. Looking back, I realize the acquisitions started when her kids grew up and moved away. Her stuff is an expression of her loneliness. My dad makes excuses for her, but he is quietly frustrated. Every time I visit, I come home wanting to purge stuff. More space makes me feel relaxed, happier, more creative, more ready to cope with whatever life throws my way.

The second driving factor is wardrobe-specific. I have lately come to an understanding that all the planning and shopping and organizing and re-organizing of my wardrobe wasn't giving me any lasting happiness or fulfillment. I was spending a LOT of time hopping from style blog to style blog, and, in truth, a lot of time on these forums. I realized that I get greater enjoyment, and excitement putting that time and money into dance classes and workshops. So I have started selling off stuff to fund classes, travel expenses, and private lessons. It makes me far happier than another new sweater.

Windchime

Veteran

I'm so sorry about your recent loss. Be gentle with yourself and remember that grieving takes a long time.

My mom died three years ago; my father is moving into assisted living two weeks from today, which means my sister and I are sorting through the house which my parents bought in 1966. It's complicated to go through family possessions, I'm finding out. It's very hard (impossible?) to be objective about what to keep and what to let go.

Just do the best you can and know you'll probably wish you'd made some of the decisions differently, down the road. I don't know of anyone who doesn't find this task very difficult on multiple levels.

Lisie Symons

(website)

Sarah, I'm really sorry to hear about what you're going through

I'm pretty bad at getting rid of things, and didn't really clear my closet out, ever, till I moved to another country. The second time came when we moved to a smaller house, where storage is a big issue. It's been a great opportunity to streamline and organise. Moving forward I will definitely have to think thrice before buying a new item, for both storage and financial reasons.

Anonymous

Sarah, I'm so sorry for your loss. What a terrific amount of work you did during that time of grief. I have never had to do that yet, and truthfully, I don't know how people get through it. My hat is off to you.

I have visited family members with large amounts of possessions and helped friends clean out bedroom-sized closets and the sheer volume of stuff has always had an effect on me like culture shock. Instead of seeing luxury and plenty, I see people in mental bondage to their stuff. They are almost tripping over it and can't find what they need, but are powerless to let it go. IDK, but this does not look like freedom to me, and I want my things to serve me, not the other way around. For me, this means keeping numbers in check. I have probably never had more than 100 items of clothing, even when I lived in a cold climate. Our closets just weren't that large, and I have always either had a uniform for work, or I've been a SAHM.

However, that's not really what inspired my wardrobe reduction. When I joined YLF, I began learning about style and it seemed like most of my things weren't really working for me. I read everything I could get my hands on. We had a forum member for a while who was Parisian, and she shared the French philosophy of having less but better clothing. It took a LONG time for me to get my head around that, but for some reason I really wanted to incorporate that as my style went forward. I thought it would be a way to enjoy nicer things than my small budget could normally afford.

I have also changed the way I've looked at hanging on to "just in case" items. I used to think there was no harm in keeping something meh that I wasn't sure about. After all, it doesn't cost anything to keep something you've already sunk money into, right? BUT, if something is bothering me, I see that it might actually be a hindrance to better style. Into Mind talks about removing irritations or anything that dilutes the essence of what you're trying to achieve. Now I look at these questionable items as the "fly in the ointment" and I'm quick to get rid of them.

Jaime

(website)

Veteran

Sarah, I'm sorry about your loss and the stressful times you have been experiencing. I do think experiences like these do put things into perspective.

I am currently trying to cut down my wardrobe simply because I felt I have more stuff than I can enjoy. I have definitely stemmed the input - the output is the iffy part.

abc

Veteran

I'm sorry for your loss. Though it's easier to purge clothes now I would hesitate or at least put them in a holding zone until emotions have settled down. I would hate that you regret purging something later.

A story for you. When my dad passed my mom didn't immediately clean out his belongings. Instead a while later she realized she could make quilts from his old flannel shirts and made one for each of us kids (she sews). That was awesome and I will treasure this item all of my life. I doubt if she got rid of his stuff hastily she would have had that opportunity. I only mention this so you don't get rid of something that isn't really founded, just for the sake of emotional cleansing over the loss, if you know what I mean.

Take care.

shiny

Veteran

Hugs to you. We went through that earlier this year, FIL passed in April and MIL had to go into assisted living. It took us months to sort everything out, donate, sell, etc to clear the house out for sale.

I think it had much more of an effect on my DH -- who's a packrat himself -- than on me. I've long been a "less is more" type, ever since my divorce years ago, I downsized my life in a dramatic way, choosing to live a more minimal lifestyle. The only exception is my wardrobe, but even then, it all still fits within the allotted space of a small closet + small set of storage boxes.

My latest major culling exercise (this fall) was inspired by two major factors

1. Weight gain/changing size/craving for more comfy, forgiving clothes as my figure is morphing along with fluctuating hormones

2. Change in lifestyle requirements. Before, I was 99% WFH. Now, I am traveling for my job 50% of the time. With traveling so much, I needed to overhaul & strategize a capsule-based system that made packing for business travel seamless and easy. It was all about saving time, reduction of stress, and peace of mind.

After I did the cull & reorganization, I saw the holes to be filled, so I can't say I reduced, because I've been busy filling those holes!

Susie

Veteran

I am sorry for your loss and the stress you've felt in having so much to take care of.

You said that you are now getting rid of things that you love, that fit and that are in good shape. May I ask how you are determining what stays and what goes? I am only asking out of concern....to be sure that after some time has passed, that you will still be comfortable with the choices you've made and that you will have no regrets

A couple of years ago, I started reading about minimalism and clearing out the clutter. While I have always regularly purged my wardrobe (at least twice a year,with a seaonal closet switch), I also started looking at other areas of my home. Interestingly, my daughter was pregnant with my first grandchild at the time and I wonder if there wasn't a bit of reverse 'nesting' going on. I took a hard look at lots of things, asking 'is this useful?' or, if a decorative item, 'do I love it?' I realized that I had way more than I need in lots of areas. It felt terrific to get rid of some of the extras and to create less crowded closets and cupboards.

In the last year or so, I've turned my attention to my wardrobe. It is quite a bit larger than it really needs to be. I've been tracking what I wear and while I do wear the vast majority of everything, there are plenty of things that only get worn once or twice a season so do I really need those things? My first focus is to stop buying as much and I'm getting better at that. I think my next step is going to be to create some outfits with the pieces that I am really excited to wear for the rest of winter and move the less loved things to a holding zone in another closet.

Sal

Veteran

Gosh you have had a hard time and I am sorry for your loss. Grief or trying circumstances can trigger these reactions. I know cleaning out two grandmother's houses generated intense feelings of sadness at all the stuff, both the quality pieces and the rubbishy pieces that had accumulated. It was overwhelming and made me long for clean clear spaces.

I am not a hoarder but I am also not a minimalist. I have not drastically changed the size of my wardrobe although i have wee purging patches when the mood strikes me.

Take care.

Anonymous

I'm so sorry for your loss. I've lost both of my parents, and completely understand your grief.

My mother used to admonish me not to keep anything that was not being worn, and said there was simply no sense in keeping something that does nothing but hang in the closet. Her wardrobe was much more minimal than mine, but I've always tried not to shop wisely and purge my closet every once in a while so that what's in there is what I'm actually using. I encourage my daughters to do the same.

Lyn D.

Veteran

I know what a difficult time this is- my condolences to you and your family!

Helping my friend to cull her enormous wardrobe has made me a lot happier with my moderate one.
Recent research about the circumstances around how most clothes are manufactured has almost stopped my (over) purchasing in its tracks!
I am tempted to cut my numbers in half, but would like to do it thoughtfully and gradually over the next 2-3 years.
Perhaps you could track your wears and only consider purging the good stuff that has been worn little or hardly at all?

Aziraphale

Veteran

Middle age. Lol

minimalist

Veteran

I'm sorry for your loss, and glad for your father in law that you were in his life and honouring him as you've gone (and go) through all the stages from caring for him in his illness to now re-evaluating your own belongings.

For me, minimalism came through loss, and seeing how people close to me took that time to focus on material rather than on relationships. This clarity freed me to eliminate *those* relationships from my life.

I'm not yet "there" wardrobe-wise, far from it. Still have for example three pieces of outerwear that could be replaced by "the one." Budget isn't a limitation now, which strangely enough makes it easier to wait for ideal items and harder to settle for good enough.

And middle age, yes. Brings acceptance of limited time, (and energy, and health challenges) and I'd rather enjoy life simply than spend time maintaining stuff. Of course this is all just for me personally; I'm happy for those who prefer more.

Aziraphale

Veteran

Oh no, I'm so sorry, I only read your headline and not your opening paragraph. I'm so sorry for your loss.

Peri

Veteran

I'm so sorry for all the difficult times.

For me, it was just finally being willing to let go of things I wasn't wearing. I had this mentality that clothes were forever unless they wore out. That if they were still "good" and I had loved them at any point in the past, then I was obligated to keep wearing them and pretend I still loved them. I had things in my closet from the 80s, that I didn't wear because even in my minimal sense of stylishness I knew they were ridiculous, but I still felt guilty about letting go. It had nothing to do with happiness and everything to do with obligation.

It was YLF that inspired my wardrobe purge. Talk of happiness factor and having a wardrobe that makes life easier, rather than one that filled me with guilt. The idea that staying current is allowed and matters.

That said, I wonder if people can get caught up in the idea of minimalism just as easily as we can get caught up in the idea of "stuff". Speaking gently, I don't see the point of getting rid of things that are high quality, that fit, that you love, that are current and in good repair. Unless there is truly no room to keep them. If there is a practical reason for downsizing that's one thing, but otherwise I agree with DEB. Grief sometimes doesn't pair well with major decision making. And the way we all sometimes seem to get caught up in treating minimalism as a virtue, I'm just really starting to wonder if that is just another way of being controlled by stuff.

MovingFashionForward

I just want to thank you all so much for all your support, and indeed for the fascinating reads many of the above posts are. So many interesting ideas and inspiring comments. And I had to smile when I read the gentle warning about this not being the best time to pare down my wardrobe drastically, because I have already regretted having donated some stuff I've donated, and have rescued a whole class of pieces from the 'donate' bags. So yes, you're right!

Re the minimalism issue, so true! OTOH, I am naturally minimalist (or is it just too cheap to buy lots of stuff?!) when it comes to home decor (well, unless you count my library -- I'm with Suz on that score) -- like Deborah, I feel adversely affected if my space is not uncluttered and spare, and don't find it in the slightest bit difficult to avoid clutter in general -- I just have too many clothes and well yes, books too, I suppose. But anyway, I suppose if minimalism comes naturally to a person it is not going to feel like being controlled by stuff, whereas for those of us whose natural preference or tendency in wardrobe terms is to have many wonderful options, attempting to select just 33 or however many pieces for a season is going to feel like being controlled by stuff, I agree.

Sarah