A gift is the right think to do in my opinion. What you give is up to you. I have received several invitations lately with request that I find borderline.
For example a bridal shower one that I received said Target Gift cards only. A Birthday party that said a certain character toy. My youngest daughter has a standard gift for her friends. Two champagne flutes and a bottle of nice champagne. As she says that is what they are getting because that is what she wants to give. She usually has their names engraved on the glasses. One of her friends who never drinks got the glasses and a bottle of sparkling cider. She was thrilled.
Long rant to say give what you want.

With the current trend of not wanting endless piles of household items that never get used (case in point: my wedding china set that I have used ONCE in 24 years), people are moving to the idea of experiences rather than stuff...especially if the couple has been living together and already has all the items they need. There is also the current trend in down-sizing and living simply and thus no need for place-settings for 12 and sterling candlestick holders. Many people are wanting experiences rather than stuff now. I LOVE contributing to a newly married couple's experience of a lovely trip with memories to last a lifetime. If that is what the couple wants, it is respectful to honor that request. In my case, I was moving internationally right after my wedding. I did not have the capabilities to transport any stuff. I had all my basic requirements in the back of my new husband's truck. I requested CASH so that I could set up a new household in California. I was specific that I would not be bringing any items with me over the border. About half did give cash. And that was greatly appreciated. I was able to purchase items for my new home. Many of these items I still have to this day. The other half of my guests decided that they would not honor my request and gave gifts. I was unable to transport them and many were not to my taste and I left them behind. So actually, I think it is respectful to honor the wishes of the couple. And on another note: if there is is registry...purchase from the registry since they know what items they actually need. Or buy a gift card from the store where they have their registry so that they can fill in the blanks after all the dust has settled. OK...that is enough about my opinion about wedding gifts. That being said, I understand that being in the wedding party is a big expense but I believe you still should be giving a gift...in this case cash, as requested.I don't think it has to be a huge amount of cash...maybe $50 with a nice presentation of the poem you read or some other personal momento that will remind them of your part in their special day.

It seems to me that, as someone close enough to the bride & groom to be the only attendant, you are in a slightly different category from the majority of guests. So a more personal, even sentimental, gift would be just right, I think. It needn't be expensive, just affectionate.

I agree that in order to preserve the friendship, there is really no way out of being obligated to give a gift of some sort.

As for the bride and groom requesting gifts to the honeymoon fund, etiquette is a tricky thing. It is acceptable to list the tangible things one wants in a registry, but not acceptable to essentially register for a vacation? In the technical sense it is never proper to ask for a gift or tell people what to give, but it is traditionally okay to do via the registry and not via other means. The new traditions and rules are still being established and ironed out, IMO, although in many areas it has been well-known that cash was ALWAYS the preferred gift. It was the preferred gift (almost) 20 years ago when I was married, and that hasn't changed. The only difference now is that people are more active about specifying it.

I think you do need to give a gift too, however small. Doesn't have to be to the honeymoon fund, but that'd be easiest. It is a pity they didn't pay for some of your expenses (I am trying to remember what I did - I was a bridesmaid 3 times, and I think I paid for my dresses, not not my hair).

It's been interesting reading everyone else's thoughts about this!

Anna's post stated The couple is doing a honeymoon fund in lieu of gifts.

I agree that a honeymoon fund isn't all that different from a gift registry. The thing is, guests aren't obligated to buy a gift off of any registry in the first place. There's always the option of a considerate, well-thought out gift that's not on a registry. It seems that the devil is in the details...if there's a honeymoon registry option (option being the operative word), I'd think guests could decide whether to contribute or to buy a gift of their choosing.

But if guests have been told that the fund is in lieu of gifts, that implies that the only acceptable gift is money, and that's a different kettle of fish.

IMO, wedding etiquette isn't any different from etiquette for any other similar party or gift-giving event.

Something about the tone of the initial post, and those threads running up to the wedding, tells me this has been a very laboured event for you and the current dilemma is the bad icing on the cake of the stream of events. With that in mind, I'm inclined to see that you're seeking some sort of what I call "emotional compensation" and by not stretching even further you'd feel better about having some control of some things. In any case, I'd say make a contribution and get it over and done with. If you don't, it may linger in your head much longer than you want (the fact you have a dilemma in the first lace suggests that) - if you do, it's the final financial stretch and you'll know you no longer owe nothing to anyone.

The thread is a fascinating read and brings up just how complicated weddings and etiquette is; add to that all sorts of cultural issues and I begin to wonder all sorts of things. And FWIW, I do not consider contribution to the honeymoon odd at all. I've come across them in weddings from NA and European acquaintances, and being practical I actually like that there are no grey areas but straightforwardness. If everyone is aware there will be spending on the tokens that mark the occasion, why wouldn't it be for something the couple really wants? Hence the registries. Would you raise an eyebrow if they wanted contributions for some charitable cause? The only thing I'd have an issue is the type of the honeymoon the couple wants and whether it's way above their lifestyle - in such case, expecting the guests to know they should reach deeper in the pockets is plain arrogant. But, even in such case, they should have worried before about what would happen IF they don't raise enough to cover the trip.

Either way, I'd close this chapter in the simplest possible way (whatever you feel now will wear off in one year time, I can guarantee you that) and remember the fact you had the opportunity to dress up. I saw that selfie, you looked amazing!

I am curious to know how the honeymoon registries work Do folk list individual items like airfare, dinners out, trips etc or is it just a 'please just give us cash'. ?

I agree with Ornella. The whole thing seems to have been a little rough for you - I'd give $100 to the honeymoon fund, and get the entire thing out of my mind and system! It no longer warrants any fretting or worry on your part.

The stuff you paid for is pretty standard, and many attendants also contribute towards hosting showers, bachelorette parties etc. Possible travel expenses such as hotel, meals, maybe even a destination wedding. And probably don't get to choose the dress and makeup they pay for. When pooling resources with other 'maids I think the general expectation
is of a somewhat bigger gift, not 5 women pitching in for one $100
gift. The expenses can get quite out of hand, and yet, the expectation of a gift is generally still there. Frankly, I think you got off relatively inexpensively in terms of cash and commitment - the bride sounds pretty low key and not at all Bridezilla.
All that said, we had an attendant in our wedding explain that he was not giving a gift due to his expenses, and another one who never got us a promised gift (procrastination issues), and both were totally fine by me. I'd either explain it to her or as others have wisely suggested, make the contribution you can afford or buy a gift of your choosing, and be done with it. If you are not giving any gift, I would explain it to her so there's no misunderstanding, because I do believe it is expected.

So their Honeyfund had separate sections were you paid for a certain experience. I'm sure the actual funds are just put together lump sum, but it allows for the feeling of contributing something.
I put in for a dinner and drinks, odd total of $115. But at least I got it in before they leave on their honeymoon tomorrow.

That's a good outcome, Anna. I'm sure they will appreciate the gift.

Sounds like a good solution.

I think you made the right decision, Anna.

And I must say, I do like the idea of contributing to a specific experience (and having a choice of which one to fund) so much more than just a pot you throw (seemingly endless) money into! It's clear you already spent a bundle. And it gets to feel a bit hard sometimes when you are wishing that someday YOU could be the bride. And no wonder.