I have a quick (never mind, it turned into a long) question of etiquette, if you don't mind my asking.

A couple of weeks ago, I attended my cousin's wedding. (Back story - the invitation asked for number of kids, so I rsvp'd that I'd be bringing my entire family - 7 of us. She emailed saying that she didn't think my kids would enjoy it, so I backed my rsvp off to one, so my hubby could stay with the kids. She thought I was offended after I told my mother that only I was going because she didn't want kids at her wedding, and emailed me insisting that I bring my kids. So I did - seven of us. )

A little less than a week after the wedding, I received an email from the bride, asking if I had the receipt to the gift that we gave her, as she'd like to return it. I didn't (I keep a closet stocked with gifts by buying them at Black Friday and the like, and had given her a gift from that closet that was very similar to, but nicer than, something she'd registered for). I emailed back telling her that I didn't have the receipt, but that if she wanted to return it to me, I'd give her something else. (I was thinking something from this same closet).

Earlier this week she emailed me saying that yes, she would return the gift to me, and would I please buy her this specific gift from her registry as a replacement ("Any color is okay, but please give me the receipt, in case something is wrong with it"). It's about 5 times the price of the gift I originally gave her - but I'd gotten that as a good sale, and her requested item is not outlandishly expensive - just more than we're used to spending on things.

I was on my way out of town for business and decided that I did not need to think it through or reply right away. In fact, I completely forgot about it while I enjoyed wonderful times in Toronto at my work conference then with you fabbers! Last night she emailed me again, to make sure that I'd seen her previous email and ask when we could meet to make the exchange.

Now, I understand that we made her wedding more expensive with my comment to my mother that made her think I might be offended (I wasn't!) and subsequently decide that we should bring my kids. I also suspect that she's a bit of a spoiled brat (or at least was definitely a bridezilla).

My concern is that 1) These are my relatives - I'll be seeing them several times a year for as long as we live near each other, and I want to keep tension out of family gatherings. And 2) I just met this woman and her husband a few months ago when they moved to the area. This was our first opportunity for giving gifts and the like, and will, I suspect, set a precedent for how they relate to my family in the future.

My husband is completely opposed to bowing to her wishes, and I honestly have no idea what to do.

Do you have suggestions?

My leaning right now is to write her a short email saying something like "After considering your request, I don't think I want to demonstrate to my kids that the recipient rather than the giver chooses the gift, so please keep the first gift instead. If you find it's something that you cannot use, feel free to give it as your gift at the next wedding you attend".