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Outfits Ensembles Trends Advice

Two steps forward and one step back

Traci

Veteran

This mindful dressing thing is hard! I've had some epiphanies while purging my closet. I've also realized that the pleasure I get from shopping is not really related to dressing well.

Since I'm attempting a 12x12 I haven't bought and kept anything this month. I bought a pair of trousers from target but returned them in favor of ordering a nicer pair from Nordstrom. The Nordstrom pants came today and they're dreadful.

Should I go back for the target pants? It's not very practical for me to try on hundreds of pairs of high quality trousers. I really loved the fit of the target pants, but didn't love the presumed quality. Second problem with the target pants is they're just so darned cheap I'll be tempted to duplicate.

Shopping

16 replies

Latest reply was from unfrumped

catgirl

Veteran

If they fill an immediate hole go back and get them. Otherwise, hold out!

The problem with quality is once you see the difference it's hard to go back to less well made stuff. And both good and bad can be found at any price point - I have lots of stuff from Target and F21.

Glory

Veteran

I would go back and get them. It is hard to know how they will hold up - I guess that is your comment on "presumed quality". Fit is just so hard in pants and if those looked great I would give them a try.

Mo

(website)

Veteran

Half my wardrobe seems to be from Target, Ross, or Old Navy lol! Add in nicer jackets and shoes and you've got that high/low mix. Go get 'em is my advice.

JR

Veteran

I second Una on this one. If you need them, go back and get them. You can find quality ones when they come along then. If you don't need them, save your precious item for something more wonderful.

Angie

(website)

Fashion Stylist

What pleasure do you derive from shopping, Traci?

missvee

Veteran

A great fit will compensate for lesser quality, so I would say get the Target pants, then have one more look (maybe check out 2 more stores) for better quality before you make your final decision. You can drive yourself crazy trying to find the perfect garment, and I don't think it's worth it.

Jjsloane

Veteran

I know how disappointing it can be to hope for something and not have it work out. Pants are probably the hardest thing to find. If the Target ones fit properly I'd get them. Treat them well and they'll hold up as well as they can. Figure out from those pants what works (is it the rise? the length? the shape?) for your search for a better quality version.
I get a high from shopping too and it's hard to break the habit. For me it's finding something at a good price for the quality. Often the high ends when I get home and figure out it's just not what I was hoping for (store mirrors can be tricky especially when I'm wearing my sale goggles). I return and get to start the thrill of the hunt all over again.
Kudos to you in your attempt to reign it in and the lessons you've learned. You're on the right track.

rachylou

Veteran

Another vote for the Target pants. You will probably love them to death if they fit well. I have a lot of things from Target; I can't think of many things that aren't still going strong from there.

Traci

Veteran

Yes, jjsloane, that's exactly it. Sometimes I get excited about an item and I just have to have it but once I do I don't actually wear it very often. I'm noticing a real disconnect between the thrill of the hunt and the thrill of having an item I love. Sometimes they cross, but most of the time they're two separate adventures. In the past I've bought a ton of stuff but so much of it goes unworn. I'm trying to figure out how to only spend the money on those items I'm going to actually love.

Angie, that's a good question. Right now I'm not getting any pleasure out of shopping. I'm enjoying browsing, but the actual purchasing is just fraught with anxiety. In the past I've used shopping as way too much of a stress reliever and not enough about actually acquiring clothes in order to wear them.

I should add, because I'm not sure if I've mentioned this, that I'm not just going through these exercises to torture myself:) We've decided to send our youngest daughter to private school this year and my shopping budget needs to be drastically slashed in order to afford her tuition. Figuring out exactly how to cut it and not give up my hobby is definitely a huge learning curve.

christieanne

Veteran

I think your exploration of shopping for need vs. relaxation is a healthy realization for you. It doesn't even mean that you were out of control, etc. before just maybe not being as thoughtful about shopping? I wish you the best on your journey.

I think a 12x12 would drive me nuts but I hate rules. I would be better at setting a budget and sticking to that and not limiting #of items.

As for Target pants - I have had some of my favorites from there. Quality is hit or miss but that can be said of other stores as well.

KathyL

Veteran

Two of my absolute favorite dresses for work are from Target. I think that if the fit is good, and you are in need of a pair of trousers, then go for it. Target does not necessarily equal poor quality. It's great that you're really sticking to your plan and your budget. I know that this would be impossible for me. Hang in there!

Vix

Veteran

Hi Traci --

I think recognizing when shopping is an emotional "fix" is a great thing (I too try to stay mindful, and it is an ongoing effort).

And I hear you about fit vs perceived quality. However, I had some $20 pants that seemed to get raves whenever worn and nicer ones that I thought were similar in fit that never do.

I sense you don't want to "waste" one of your 12/year on inexpensive pants. Makes sense, but I wonder if you can massage your rules a bit.

Maybe set a limit/piece and if an item is under that limit you can put the money towards another item or the other 11 pieces? Or similarly have 6 items that need to be Under $X, and 6 that can go up to $Y -- with any unused dollars going into your additional items slush fund. Just a thought....

Traci

Veteran

You're all right. I also have tons of pieces from Target and Old Navy that have worked for me. Trousers are a very tough fit for me...so much so that I didn't wear pants at all last year, dresses only. I've been pretty pessimistic on the idea of finding a pair of ankle trousers that flatter, but when the first pair I tried on worked, I got cocky that I could get the same fit in a better quality with one click of the mouse.

I'm thinking the Target pants make sense because they fit and because trousers seem to be the wardrobe item most impacted by weight fluctuations. This is where I start to get into the rationalizations. Since they're so inexpensive and hard to fit, should I buy multiples in sizes or colors? Old thinking would have gotten multiples right away. Instead I'm going to hold off until I've worn them atleast a few times. If I think they'll be workhorses I may order a size down or get another color.

Suz

(website)

Veteran

Traci, I am so grateful to you for sharing your thought process here. First of all, I was stunned into recognition by your insight that the pleasure you get from shopping might be different from the pleasure of owning and wearing. I realized immediately that this describes me, as well. For so long I just DIDN'T shop and didn't get pleasure from it, either, but now that I am shopping again, I think I am in danger of being taken over by pleasures that really have little to do with curating my wardrobe. Hmmm.

I really hear you on the trousers thing, too. It is a tough call. On balance it sounds as if getting the pair that fit is a good idea, whatever their quality. But don't buy multiples until they prove themselves. And if the size, etc. is no longer available, it just wasn't meant to be.

Angie

(website)

Fashion Stylist

Traci, I like Una's suggestion. Also, continue to be picky, patient and practical.

Step away from trying to fill a wardrobe hole for a while and revisit when it's less frustrating. Things have a great way of falling into place when they are right.

unfrumped

Veteran

I think you are showing a lot of mindfulness. Whenever one is trying to do less of one thing, I think you likely have to sub in something else. One thing that helps me not to just shop for the sake of it is to spend time on SYC and trying on some outfits. What's interesting is that this is also different from actually wearing your clothes and so is also a different type of pleasure, but has a similar "novelty" effect as shopping and the practical effect is that it actually results in my wearing more fun outfits than does more shopping! So after 30 minutes of SYC I can often set aside an outfit or 2 for the next day or a specific upcoming event, I feel good and I've spent no $$ and added no more stuff to my closet and may save time getting dressed as well. Everyone knows all about SYC to save $$, but for me I had to realize that I needed more deliberate outfit-making time because I had specific ways I wanted to look but did not have the imagination or confidence to just pull stuff down and have it work right off the bat. New clothes could never change that.

My mom sewed a lot and while I don't sew, we spent a lot of time picking out fabrics together and testing washability and other factors, and that helped me learn a lot about how fabrics and blends will behave. I use that when trying to decide on what level of "quality" is acceptable --apart from the initial fit, then the drape, wrinkling, and shrinkage or other behaviors of the fabric play a large role in how it's going to come across in the eyeball test of quality and in whether you'll get a reasonable return for the dollar. Also color--certain colors are more forgiving of "lower" quality though it's actually a combination of the color and the fabric and not always what you'd predict.

So if your Target pants are of a decent fabric, especially certain blends, they can work just great. Then sub time making some great outfits with them. The no-multiples-just-yet is a good compromise on filling a hole but not going overboard. You sound like you are making great progress.