This NYT article on mom hair... - YouLookFab Forum

Category

General

Welcome! Read about what to wear and how to wear it on the YLF Blog. Join the YLF Forum to ask specific questions or just chat about fashion and personal style. Or check out the curated list of things we love in YLF Finds.

Outfits Ensembles Trends Advice

This NYT article on mom hair...

catgirl

Veteran

When will the shaming of women stop? It's this kind of media that leads to the self-esteem issues we've been discussing. What do you think? Am I just being oversensitive because of all the positivity flowing around? Do you find it snarky and unnecessary or helpful and informative? Is it okay for "mom" to be a pejorative?

"Ideally, you'd start planning while you're still pregnant."

http://mobile.nytimes.com/2016.....oogle.com/

Then there's this response which I wish I'd written:

http://nymag.com/thecut/2016/0.....e-bad.html

General

48 replies

Latest reply was from Jaime

RoseandJoan

Veteran

Yes Una, the rhetoric is unacceptable.

Becoming a new Mom is such a huge transition both physically and mentally, new Mum's should be surrounded by a halo of support so they can heal and nurture.

I agree a good hairdo can be a lovely pick me up but, in those first weeks, when you can't remember if you have brushed your teeth and it still hurts to sit down you need support not judgement.

Mumsy has now entered my list of most hated words.

Lucy

Veteran

What an unpleasant article! And yes, there's way too much pressure on new mothers, let alone adding to things that should be worried about. How about happy mum, happy baby?

ma

Veteran

I chuckled a little when I read that because I chopped my hair off after both pregnancies! But yes, I agree, please stop with the judgement.

Anonymous

Snarky and unnecessary for sure. Love what Rose and Joan said.

I stopped reading The New York Times about a year ago. Between rubbish like this and their agenda-laden election coverage, they have squandered their journalistic reputation.

Vildy

Veteran

And hostility towards parents is so victimizing. It puts you always in a one-down position. I once read an explanation of honoring your parents that made total sense to me. You didn't have to have perfect parents and they could have been realistically inadequate but it has nothing to do with the behavior of your parents. It's like everyone being asked to rise when the judge enters the courtroom. It may even be known that the private life of the judge is scandal ridden but you don't rise in respect of that person in the robes, you rise in respect of the concept of justice. It's very empowering to recognize human frailty and failings and stop pouring salt in your wounds. Then the wounds heal. People seem to think (and write in the Times, etc) that jeering and disparaging others puts them in a superior position when it's smarter to simply drop your end of the rope.
Respect and self-respect seem so bound up with each other and maybe I don't get around the net enough but You Look Fab seems remarkable for its tone that Angie has set. And her regular blogposts celebrating and honoring her parents are wonderful.

Vildy

Veteran

Aliona wrote:
Between rubbish like this and their agenda-laden election coverage, they have squandered their journalistic reputation.

Ah! A kindred soul. Am so fed up of the media telling readers/viewers what they think is best for them to believe and thus disrespecting their own profession.

Style Fan

Veteran

What a nasty article. I have probably been guilty of saying soccer mom hair when I hated a haircut I got and I try not to fall into that trap.

New moms (and all moms) need support. They just gave birth. That is a miracle. Let's celebrate. Not criticize.

Anonymous

I love what Vildy says about society respecting a person's role. Why should mums be guilted into not looking like mums? To many, the role is hard won through fertility and other treatments. It's something to be proud of and to celebrate, not pretend away. This is one reason why I love Angie's MOTG moniker and the forum's outfit posts (calling out Smittie, Goldenpig and all the others who embrace MOTG dressing).

If a mum has a windy baby and is tired of always washing her long hair, or doesn't want little ones pulling on it, then she should be able to cut and feel good about it. It's a life/style choice akin to ditching the baby-mesmerising chandelier earrings.

rachylou

Veteran

Thought #1: Um, having been raised by hippies (wolves), I didn't know people dyed their hair while pregnant. Chemicals.

Thought #2: Actually, after a little bit of thought - but truthfully, not until then - I am put off by this piece. Like a new mom doesn't have enough to think about or the cut is so awful.

Thought #3: Besides making new moms feel bad... Don't know how to put this... I feel like there's less and less space for children. I know so many 20- and 30-year olds with a distaste for, yet a marked unfamiliarity with, children. Like they simply will not be friends with anyone with children because they don't like children, what they imagine about children. It's a phenomenon different from that of not being able to relate or get time with peers with children. It's all about the 'yuckiness' of children period. Like they're 'other.' I find this so odd. We were all once children and no one is ever other to himself. It's seems like a psychotic break to me... Of course, children aren't for everyone; but I feel terribly outnumbered...

Bijou

Veteran

Yes I dislike the stereotyping and shaming of Mums too. As someone who thinks I am lucky to be a Mum, I am proud of my role in my son's life (regardless of how my hair looks). I want to enjoy time with my son, not be stuck in the bathroom styling my hair.

Helen11

Veteran

I kind of wish I hadn't read it. Yes, snarky and unhelpful article.
Thank goodness for the commonsense, warm and supportive responses here!

Scarlet

Veteran

Revolting. The most charitable thing I can think of is that these people are writing and speaking from a position of utter ignorance.

Rachylou, I hope you are not right about that! But I can see what you are saying.

celia

Veteran

Wow.
I wonder what is wrong with people nowadays.
I never realised that becoming a mom was seen as an instant frump factor. I also never got the memo that I was not supposed to be myself anymore if you are a married woman.
I fear for the new generation of women because I more and more get the feeling that we have a very subversive new form of 50's approach to women in society.
Very sad.

Anonymous

You know, you have to laugh because it is so absolutely ridiculous. I love the reply:

"

Please inform your doula that ombré is now a part of your birthing plan."
lol!

...And here are just a few nitpicks of the article.

The article criticizes the 'mom bob' and basically all other types of bob haircut, and haircuts in general after pregnancy. And the solution? Get a BOB! huh!?

As well, is it just me, or does this article put way too much emphasis on receding hairlines? It makes it seem like all women go bald after pregnancy! lol.

Suz

(website)

Veteran

According to our culture, mothers are to blame for most of the ills of the world, and entry into their ranks means one is no longer attractive, smart, competent, or sexy.

I think we should make a YLF pact to stop the mom-shaming. Tough to avoid -- we all imbibe those negative associations. I know I've been guilty here of comparing my outfit to my mother in a disparaging way. I will make an effort not to do it.

Janet

(website)

Veteran

What an awful piece. The tone is so condescending and it's just plain mean and only serves to stereotype and snark.

I agree with Celia that it seems especially fashionable these days to dump on any hint of empowerment or accomplishment in women. Playing the "woman card," criticizing women's choices in ways that men are never subjected to, even women's health care access rights. It's not just tiresome, it's insidious and dangerous. I know this piece is just a throwaway essay about hair, but it's one tiny piece of a troublesome trend.

Anonymous

Dads are getting the snark treatment lately, too. I keep hearing references to "dad body." (It's not a compliment.) Since fashion can understandably fall by the wayside for those with parental responsibilities, it makes them an easy target for fashion writers. It's not nice, but let's face it, there's a lot of snarkiness in the worlds of fashion and journalism.

Janet

(website)

Veteran

Oh, and this, from Suz: "According to our culture, mothers are to blame for most of the ills of the world, and entry into their ranks means one is no longer attractive, smart, competent, or sexy."

You know what else drives me nuts about this? The breathless-yet-condescending, OMG-how-incredible attitude in the coverage of accomplishments by women who just happen to be moms. As if becoming a mother (certainly not a father!) renders one incapable of doing anything else of significance, and any woman who manages to be a mom AND accomplish something else in her life is a superwoman. Newsflash, women have been doing amazing things other than giving birth for centuries.

Jaime

(website)

Veteran

I agree with Janet and everyone. To go to Rachy's point, I see this as very much a cultural thing - in Israel virtually everyone has kids and usually from a younger age than I did, my sister did, my American friends did, etc. There is very good pregnancy leave mandated by law, you cannot be fired if pregnant or not given your job back, my husband works in high tech and at any given time a full third of the women are out on maternity leave and no one, ever would insult anyone for being a mother or suggest that being a mother is a separate category. Being a mother is both taken for granted and put on a pedestal and it seems much less common for women to be put down or defined by it.

Nebraskim

Veteran

Rachy, I'm 61 and chose to not have kids when I was 9 for a variety of reasons (mostly because I knew I would probably never marry and at age 9, couldn't quite figure out how you got kids without a husband, and I also knew that I would never be able to adequately support kids on the salary of the profession I was choosing; it's not that I dislike kids, but I've not had very much experience around them). I've never regretted my decision. And interestingly, while I do have many friends with children, my best friends, the ones with whom I associate most, are either childless/child-free or they were not the kind of people who were slaves to every demand made on them by their children (such as people who will not commit to something four months out "just in case my kid has something come up.") I may just be feeling resentful right now as my mother is in hospice care and yet my brother and his family are not coming up to celebrate her birthday this weekend because they "need" to attend my nephew's 10zillionth soccer tournament this weekend.

RobinF

Veteran

Yes, a very distasteful article. I agree we all need to stop the mom-shaming. I vow not to refer to anything more as mom-jeans, mumsy, etc. instead of stating the actual issue. I have been guilty of this in the past but no more.

Also, as a fan of short hair, I object in principle to the assumption that long hair is automatically better looking than short. Not necessarily the case.

Anonymous

I read this on Facebook this morning, and wondered if it wasn't satire. The annoying hipster voice of both that hairstylist and the writer made me cringe in embarrassment for both of them. Mom hair - really? The bit about the tip to cut in some too-short bangs because they are irresponsible and irreverent make me spit out my coffee. I have a two-word reply to articles like this .

Remind me to tell you my recent haircut story - apparently I had "soccer mom hair" prior to this new stylists's wizardry.

catgirl

Veteran

Lisa, me too! Because when you've just had a baby, you desperately need some irresponsible youthful high maintenance bangs to erase the fashion impression your newborn might make.

The incredibly witty backlash in the NYT comment section makes it a bit better.

And I think ALL women are being put down here. Women of color, mothers, young women ("irresponsible"), older women, women whose hair might not suit the cut du jour, women who don't have children - it's all in there somewhere.

Thirkellgirl

Veteran

Lisap, I thought of you when I read the article. Have you decided if you're going to return to the guy who told you you had soccer-mom hair? How's your grow-out coming along?

Jenn

(website)

Veteran

Haha! I have The Cut in my Apple News feed (I love their snarky headlines), so I read the response before reading the article. I immediately thought about our recent discussions here.

The denigration of moms is frustrating, but as the mom of a teenager, I'm also understanding, more and more, the process young people go through as they develop identity separate from their parents. I wonder if this attitude's prevalence in mainstream media is a natural result of the current generation living with their parents longer and waiting longer to marry and have children (if they do so at all). Maybe the separation process is lasting longer into the career phase of life, and that need to differentiate oneself from the older generation plays out in articles like this one. It's a lot easier to paint "moms" as someone different/lesser than yourself when fewer of your peers have taken that path.

Anonymous

I could not find the comments section - but I think I was reading The Cut's posting.....must go back to the original NYT post to read the comments - that should make my day

Astrid

Veteran

So basically a young mother should either keep long hair so she has something she can hide behind or get a shorter cut only if it's crazy enough to show that she still has fun, even though everyone clearly knows her life is OVER. What a load of crap. And there were more offensive things in there which I can't recall right now. Off to read that comment...

Staysfit

Veteran

Well......reading that NYT article was a sad waste of my time and energy. Too bad the author didn't have anything truly relevant, helpful or positive to say about mom hair. It's like grade school bullying.

JAileen

Veteran

First off, I love the NYT. It is my go to. I didn't love the article, though.

Second, SNL addressed this over a month ago:

http://www.nbc.com/saturday-ni.....er/3032280

12