Firecracker- that's an excellent point, we can learn from compliments given to others too. After all, isn't that the great part of being able to be a YLF lemming? I think being a lemming is the ultimate compliment!! Some else's compliments make us copy their choice of clothing proving imitation is the sincerest form of flattery!!
Shevia - yes, giving a compliment is a great, great pleasure!! Even a short sincere one is a true and thoughtful gift!
jackiec - specific compliments are so helpful because you know you've nailed an element. I'm someone who likes to tick off boxes on my list. killer blazer - check, great jeans - check. It make you feel like you are getting a handle on pieces, color, proportion - it just makes getting dressed more managable!!
Suz - so agree. Angie's greatest gift is not just her incrediblely educated eye or her exquisite taste - it's her true sensitivity, kindness, tact and warmth. Many people can have knowledge but not many can convey it in a way that is clear, useful, specific, helpful but never hurtful. By giving input in a positive way - "do you see how that cowl neck opens up your chest and frames your face and helps create a lovely vertical line" vs " you should try a cowl neck because that crew neckline draws attention to your neck in a less than flattering way and accentuates your bust line" same info but one tells you why it looks bad while the other focuses on how the other makes you look good. The first response is focused on showcasing something attractive the second is helpful but now we are trying to camouflage a negative. What if that person never noticed the softening of her neck or thought her chest was lovely in being ample. We've now created a negative where none may have existed or touched on a sensitivity if it had.
Marley - I do think we are thinking the same thing. I completely agree feedback at it's best and critique is meant to change behavior or choice. So you need information the positive and negative - what needs to be reconsidered and reviewed so we can make the best choice, otherwise the information is not as helpful. It's how we choose to frame our negatives. As I said above to Suz - telling someone they might want to raise the hem on their skirt because they have beautiful legs and it will hit them at the most flattering and btw on trend point vs telling them to shorten that skirt because the length is matronly are two ways of conveying the same infomation. I always try to present negative info in a postive way. I waqnt that person to be hearing in ther head "Wow, I have nice legs and that length is really more flattering" which is a lot nicer than hearing you inner self think "I look matronly in this skirt, if I shorten it, hum, will I look less matronly. Maybe all my looks are matronly...." I don't want to feel I create that type of inner monologue for anyone. I personally can do enough of that to myself without any help!!
Beth Ann - confidence brings success. If you can work off one good thing you can often piggy back a lot more good things. Telling people what they do well and then asking for more of that or, now that you've aced that let's try.... Great teaching empowers!!
gardenchick - I love what you said. I want to print it out and read it over and over. Isn't the greatest give when we really take the time to "see" and appreciate each other, in every area!! What a gorgeous insight!!
Neel - that is so sad!! I am so glad that the forum fills a tiny bit of the void being so far from you mum, but I must tell you, you are so stylish and beautiful, if I saw you in line at the supermarket, I would definitely tell you how fabulous you looked!! I try and do that, remember to smile, hold doors, give compliments etc - those little random acts of unexpected kindness - they empower the world!! You deserve tons of them!! Beaming good karma your way!!
crutcher - another beautiful thought. Positive ripples spreading out until the entire lake dances with joy!! Love it!
lyn67 - what a beautiful heart you have. Giving love and praise as a gift. "The cistern contains, the fountain overflows." You make the world a better place and what an example you are to your daughter, you are truly one of the blessed!!
IK - that is exactly what I am talking about. We need to know what we did right, as well as wrong. Specific and detailed positives are crucial to being able to understand what was good so it can be repeated. Areas of improvement are crucial to, but they can always be phrased in a constructive and positive manner. That's exactly it!!