Viva & Janet - I so agree, it's a true pleasure to give a compliment. It's like giving someone a gift, that you hope they will really enjoy. You've noticed something genuinely worth of praise and instead of just moving on, you choose to acknowledge it. It's a wonderful thing! Janet - I am so glad you were able to take your niece's and husbands compliments to heart. Sometimes we just don't see ourselves clearly and it's can be illuminating to see ourselves through someone elses eyes!!
Caro & Angie - I so agree. I did not mean to imply compliment as "flattery." Flattery in not only unhelpful, it's not really kind. Perhaps the better term, as you said Angie, is positive feedback. I think a crucial thing is understanding what you did right in an outfit, otherwise how could you hope to repeat it? Is a particular neckline flattering; does the rise, cut and length of jeans make someone's legs look a mile long; is a stance on a jacket and cut of the hemline giving that perfect hourglass effect, etc, etc. Sometimes you hit it out of the park, but if you don't understand why, it's hard to duplicate. I just meant to point out that the very best feedback should include a information on what and why something is good in addition to suggestions on what could be tweaked;-)
Sharon - that is the magic of the forum - kindness, warmth, acceptance. So many marvelous and caring people. That is so wonderful that it's been so helpful to you. I so agree, what we think about ourselves is what truly matters but agreed that finding acceptance from others can speed our own! So happy that it's helped you find your way to a better place!!
Deborah - it's those random acts of kindness in all things, they are so powerful. I forget who said it, but something to the effect that you have to "give love as a gift" but that could morph that to cover any act of kindness, compliment, positive feedback. It's just a gift to tell someone what is good, nice, and positive - when it's from the heart and sincerely merited - I think those actions change the whole world for the good!
Una - I absolutely agree. I am a huge fan of helpful suggestions, but I know, at least for me, sometimes I'm just as unsure of what I did right, as what I need to improve on. I think they are both invaluable tools especially when feedback on both are given!!
Vicki - you're a sweetheart as always!! Hugs!!
Kari - that is exactly it!! Praising what you want more of is an incredibly powerful tool!! Having been an english major with a thesis in Shakespeare this really resonates with me on a visceral level!! But I find in all fields I've worked in, at home, with my staff etc- telling someone what they realy did well can be amazing helpful. As my mother likes to say, "honey catches more flies than vinegar!!"
Peri - yes, yes, yes!! You and Kari both said it so eloquently!! Praise what you want more of!
Suz - powerful and beautiful words!! I so agree with everything you said. Negative feedback may make me dig my heels in and work harder to succeed - but the emotion is that I will succeed - no excel - to prove someone wrong. It's a powerful motivator. But I agree, true positive feedback, spurs me on even more, and it's not only more pleasant but a lot healthier!!