Ah, you are singing my song. I am always on a campaign to decrease the use of "old lady" as a put down. Sure, frumpy = old is not necessarily true, but despite most of us not meaning to, it usually ends up being used that way, even on this well meaning board of lovelies. When was the last time someone said "Wow, that looks soooo old lady on you, you should so get that!".

As usual, Gaylene has the eloquent voice I wish I had: I'm getting more than a little tired of the word "frumpy" being directed towards any look that doesn't appeal to someone in her twenties and thirties.

And like others, the frumpy earring post didn't light up my day. The term has become so easy to use that it seems to be catchall for: Not my taste, out of style, I don't like it, not something I would wear, not greatly flattering, associated with a specific period of time that is too far past to be in style but not far enough in the past to be vintage, etc.. Any of the above statements are fairly neutral. Frumpy is judgemental and always a put down.

Making peace with aging is a challenge on multiple levels. Fashion is one of the least of those, but we all want to look our best or we wouldn't be here. Doing away with those put down labels would go a long way in my mind.

Hmmm, When I still posting outfits. I would occasionally veer in to fashion frump, which is very much a look right now in certain subsets of the fashion world. See also no make up trend. I remember some people here would question my looks because they weren't conventionally flattering.

Well, so, does anyone have any rules for dressing one's age? I love to look at those magazine pieces on what to wear in your 20s, 30s, 40s, 50s, 60s, 70s, etc. - but you know, frankly, I can't tell what the big dividing lines are. There's nothing obvious to me, like when on Little House, Laura put her hair up in a bun, bought a pair of boots with heels, and donned a longer skirt.

Also, totally on a tangent, weird thought: What did 19th century women on the prairie do for maternity clothes? I mean, that wasn't a time you just went out and got some clothes. Maybe that's a reason women went into confinement, because basically they were in their nightgown all day...?

Anyways, back to the subject, mostly what I've done to dress more my age is to drop the following:

• puff sleeves
• bows
• ruffles

Basically, you know, stop dressing like Shirley Temple when she was 4 (but I note Zoey Deschanel is still doing so at her advanced age).

I toy with the idea of doing straight / pencil skirts only, but I don't have that much mental focus and discipline.

Peri, you're pretty eloquent yourself because I think you've expressed exactly what I was thinking as I wrote my post. It's that not-so-subtle undercurrent when we talk about aging that I question. For example, Angie frequently talks about the concept of "just flattering enough" when she styles some of her outfits, but does an older woman who chooses to wear a low-heeled, non-pointy loafer, a skirt that covers her knees, and a top that hides a thickening mid-section get the same latitude--or is she more likely to be seen as "frumpy" and in need of a fashion-intervention. Is "fashion frump", to use Anna's term, only for the visibly young?

I took part of SSIF contingent to this store:
http://babyandco.us/
I have bought exactly 3 items there. One a matching sweatshirt and pencil skirt in a quilted puffy pattern. During SSIF I found a puffer vest with a tradition Nordic knit wool outside.
Overall though the store I feel has styles that don't really work on the very youthful. It's like you need a certain level of gravitas and wisdom to pull it off.

RL, you are on a ROLL between the maternity wear comment and the puffy sleeves. ROFLMAO and man did I need that today!

Anna, it's also back to the whole thing about you have to have the confidence to wear certain things and how one person can pull it off and another can't. IMHO you have the mojo to pull off those fashion forward, not conventionally flattering outfits whereas if I put them on I'd just look ridic. I accept that and applaud you and love seeing your whackadoodle outfits

So, ha, I probably chose a controversial "handle" which at the time was because I had not updated or tried to "watch" fashion for some time.

But I like how Peri puts it. Frumpy should not be the catch-all for all style evaluations.

Honestly, when big white trainers came back into style I thought THEY looked frumpy, as it had not really been long enough gone to come back, you know? And because as may be usual, they seemed more okay on the younger set who could look ironic or trendy, while the older set, me included, could still look like we never made a change in the first place ( or, I would feel like I had to wear a sign, ha ha you think I'm frumpy but I'm trending way ahead of you!).. So funny!

Well, to answer your question, per Mariam Webster:

adjective \ˈfrəm-pē\

.

the first use of the word was circa 1840.

Well I feel like it is quite liberating to just defy style and put on what you feel like. Just as a nicely styled outfit can make you feel good, a just comfy not high style outfit can make you feel sense of power that you are throwing all caution to the wind and wearing what you want. (I say this in my old dockers with old fashioned long johns underneath). I will use CoColion's work "frumptastic" from now on.

Just wanted to say thank you to everyone for their thoughtful and reasoned posts. I think you've pretty much said it all; I have nothing to add!

I have wondered sometimes--if my income were greatly reduced, and I couldn't afford to buy some of the latest trends, and maybe got classic items from the thrift store--would I be okay with that? Would it be okay, at age 54 or above, to visibly stop partaking in "current" looks and instead wear classic and hopefully somewhat flattering items? Would I be frumpy? If so, would that be okay?

I want it to be okay!

What a great topic! I look in the mirror and think (like Angie this is what 59 looks like(no Angie isn't 59 I am)). What is wrong with being that age?

I dress differently now than I did when I was in my twenties because I have chronic pain issues, my sense of style has changed, I realize fashion changes and maybe I won't like something in a year or two, I know more about what flatters my body, colouring and personality, etc. I never consider my age.

I have noticed that at this advanced age of 59 I am very well treated in the stores. DH, Sophie the dog and I were shopping in an upscale area of Montreal last November. I went into the store and the SAs invited DH and Sophie in. DH got a chair, Sophie got water and lots of attention and I was treated very well. Of course I find Montreal to be more like Europe so that might be part of what was happening. No I did not feel pressured to buy but I did buy what I had planned to and a bit more.

I am at the age (52) where I was starting to feel "invisible" until I realized that people were responding more to what was going on inside me. (It didn't help that I was transitioning to grey hair at the same time AND developing the menopausal "pooch" after being thin my entire adult life.) By evolving my wardrobe to keep the items I love (trends be damned) and freshening them up with more current pieces as other posters have suggested, the long skirts and other classics look intentional, not dowdy. This helped me feel better on the inside, which others responded to. Going to the gym more and eating better is helping me get to the point where I can envision flat-front trousers again. Even those in the most up to the minute clothes can look dowdy if their shoulders are rounded, they lack energy, and frown. Self-worth shines through no matter what you wear...

For me the trick is to try not to look like Amy Farrah Fowler on The Big Bang Theory. My older sisters are considerably older than I am and manage to look good. They wear classic clothing, though. I wouldn't feel happy wearing their clothes. At least they haven't succumbed to clothing most often associated with old ladies and frump.

I have written a response and then deleted it because so many people make valid points about our culture, and our views on aging. The lines are so much more blended in terms of fashion and style than they have been - for example all ages wearing jeans now, and younger people also wearing black. Women used to wear caps/bonnets when married and widows wore muted colours.

In my opinion
- Style is ageless but fashion, especially faddish fashion, can be for the young. This is both in the construction of the garment and the willingness to buy into fads and changing looks ie this year camo/next year fluoro.
- I think you can play to your strengths at different ages - 20 year olds can struggle to look sophisticated.
- I think you can be casual/relaxed/practical/not wearing fashion and still look great.

There are some days I truly do not care what I wear, due to heat, cold,sickness, hormones etc..

What is *youthful* dressing? Like DD21 who shops at F21? (Shudder, shudder.) Skirts a little too short and a little too tight? I never even dressed like that when I was her age. I think now, at the age of almost 62, I am getting out of Frumpdom. Slow, I know. DD seems to think I'm stylish, but she is a little clueless on age appropriateness. Last year for my birthday, she got me lace skirt. Gathered with a thick elastic at the top. Decently long for sure, but destined for the far back reaches of my closet. Makes me chuckle thinking this is her image of me.

I'm fine with my age and looking my age. My concern is whether my body will eventually morph out of my preferred brands such that I will only fit the most shapeless of the shapeless. Since we Baby Boomers are such a huge demographic, I doubt that it will come to that!

This has been such a great post! I've enjoyed reading everyone's take on aging and fashion. I worried for about the last decade that I was wearing things that were too "young," but my younger friends all insisted that was not something to worry about. You've heard the saying "The clothes don't make the man," and I think this is so accurate. With an open, positive outlook and mindful presence, the person will shine through, NOT the clothing. I do want to look classy and a little trendy, but I think more about my attitude and outlook first because that is what people will be drawn to, not outfits.

We live in a *very* small house, and when we are planning parties I sometimes worry about space issues but then remind myself that people come to see you and spend time with you and your family and friends, NOT to judge you based on the size or number of rooms in your house. This is true also of your clothing. And I'm okay with this.

I turn 50 this year, and all I can say is that it's quite a quandary for me to figure out how 50 is supposed to look. This forum doesn't help -- I can't tell what anybody's age is here. You all look smashing and modern and agelessly stylish.

I've spent the majority of my life looking much younger, and struggling/wanting to look my age. Baby face & short enough to swim in adult size clothing. Which not only makes me look like a kid playing dress up ... but also ... frumpy. When I think of frumpy, I don't think of age. I think of ill fitting clothes, lack time for self care. Which can be a matter of circumstance -- I have had plenty of frumpy periods in my life, due to lack of $ and time. When I see someone looking frumpy I don't automatically assume they don't care -- I assume they have too many other things going on in their lives to have time and resources to care. The new mother. The recently divorced. The woman taking care of ailing parents. The recently unemployed. The woman getting fit & dropping weight too fast for new clothes. Since I've been all of these at one point in my life, I can totally relate.

Now I'm nearly 50 ... Do I finally look my age? I have no clue. When I look at the skin on my neck and my hands, yes, I see 50. I certainly feel 50. I relate to my peers, for sure. Physically, I often feel older than 50!

How do I want to be judged? I'd love to hear "you look good for your age." That to me is the best compliment possible. I much prefer it to "I can't believe you're 50-- you look younger."

"I can't tell how old you are" would also be fun to hear. Keep 'em guessing.