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Stupid? Question.. Please advice..

Nishaa

Okay, very stupid question.. Let me try to explain.
I have been at YLF since 5 years. This and acouple of other blogs helped me get the wardrobe back in place after 2 back to back pregnancies.. So thank you.
I'm a 36 yr old working mother of two.. My professional dressing is almost sorted. But even after having been aware.. I have in the last 7 years made a few imaginary lifestyle purchases .. Some that I can wear only once in two years .. Some are still virgin.. And some are for beach which we havent been to in all these years.. You know 2 young kids .. Budget.. And more importantly busy schedules that don't allow for long holidays.. Beaches are far away.. Anyways..
My question is what do you do with those clothes.. Some have been used once .. Others none.. All tags removed.. I have no facility for consignment and no patience for selling.. Most of the clothes I don't desire have been donated..
And please I love these clothes and I wish I could use them.. Repurposing is not an option for all..
Eg. A maxi dress in black and white. Printed. Cap sleeves. Bought in this month .. Altered and no longer like it. Wore zero times.
Have you ever been in similar situation?.. When will I learn?
Please advice..

General

16 replies

Latest reply was from Nishaa

rachylou

Veteran

I have been working, since joining YLF, to not buy without a plan. I go on no buying sightseeing trips and I go on actual buying trips separately - or try to! Ha! This slow chip chip process may not work for everyone... But I don't have the time or the stamina for big marathon shops. I hit a store and then run away, lol.

As for 'bad buys' - yeah, I just donate. Someone at Goodwill will get a thrill. Although I do have one pair of Manolos that I keep because they're just so beautiful.

Summer

Veteran

I believe that one of Angie's YLF "rules" is that there's no such thing as a stupid question! I'm sure every one of us has made, and continued to make, plenty of mistakes along the way, so please don't feel bad about your wrong buys.

If things aren't working for you, just go ahead and donate to charity or give to friends. However beautiful your clothes may be, they are no good for you if they don't fit your style, shape or lifestyle.

Good luck with your future purchases.

Ledonna N.

Veteran

I've been there on a regular. I'm better now but I had to begin with the process of letting go. Some things I love but the have no place in my wadrobe. I had to n let them go. A few things I have decided to keep.

I have had clothing upcycled, reimagined, designed. My taste are changing to more custom made clothing. I like how I look in them.

Goodluck on your journey.

Bonnie

Veteran

I usually donate unwanted items to the Salvation Army or a local charity helping homeless or hungry people. Don't feel bad about making disappointing purchases, that's part of the learning curve.

Joy

Veteran

The only things I have in this never/seldom worn category are a swim suit and cover-up and a couple of long formal skirts. I hate swimsuit shopping so have the suit just in case I need one. The skirts may get shortened to knee length this year. They were thrifted so not much financial investment. I like Ledonna's idea of reimaging these pieces.

Suz

(website)

Veteran

We all make purchasing mistakes! Sometimes our circumstances change, sometimes our tastes change, sometimes the item turns out to be less comfortable or practical than we had imagined.

Once I'm convinced that I have erred, I just note down what about the item wasn't right for me. This helps me continue to learn from my mistakes. And then I pass it along. It's easiest to do this if you do regular closet edits. I do this at least twice per season, sometimes more if it is obvious that an item isn't working out.

I donate to my step-daughter (who is a similar size and often likes my clothes and is on a very limited budget); and to local charities for those in need. Once in a while I consign an item or give it away here on the Style Exchange.

If you would like to sell or gift it to YLF members that is an easy option.

Nishaa

OMG rachylou.. I totally forgot my 5" virgin stilettos..
And thank you all.. I'll give away all except the beach cover up.. As soon as I can bear it.
And Ledonna I am trying to repurpose one of the tunics as a regular top..
Thank you for letting me know I'm not the only one..

Beth

Veteran

Yup, I donate but I promise myself to learn from the experience next time! I don't have the patience for consignment or resell. Don't beat yourself up! Consider it a growing experience:)

kkards

Veteran

hmmmm.....we all make mistakes....in fact, I'd say I learn more from my mistakes than my wins...so the question is...why the mistakes, and what can you learn? for example on the maxi dress mentioned....why aren't you feeling it now? would it have helped if you held on it for a few weeks before altering? would you/could you have returned it then?

as for the reselling, have you tried one of the on line resellers, where all you have to do is mail it in? (thredUP is one that comes to mind). really sounds a simple as donating. I use a local store that works the same way, bring it in, they give you cash upfront for whatever they keep. make it easy, and I don't have to think about it once its out of my house.

Nishaa

Oh kkards ... I bought the dress from one of the local boutiques on holiday so no returning.. But I should have waited before altering.. At that time I loved the slightly coarse stiff fabric but now I don't fancy it. The only good thing is it was cheap... But I'm not talking about money.. I hate to have bought something only to hate it next day. I think if fuels the mindless consumerism associated with fast fashion and I don't fall into that trap generally.. But this just goes to show that even being aware isn't enough sometimes.

By the way your name auto corrects to Kim Kardashians .. But then You probably meant it that way..

Vildy

Veteran

My experience is that putting yourself through the letting go really sharpens up the shopping. "Ohhh, there's what I'm always drawn to... that I just got rid of a half dozen of."

DonnaF

Veteran

It's probably best to let these items go after taking a trip to the beach, a lake, or maybe your local pool. But first, see if you can identify how or where you make your mistakes:

1. Shopping with the kids in tow, so you're in a hurry and semi-distracted? (I found I can't shop with my daughter, now 22, or husband because they encourage me to buy and often the items can't be returned.)

2. Shopping with sales/price blinders on? (I try to stay away from thrift/consignment shops because items aren't returnable and I may not spot a less than perfect fit or other flaws until I get home.)

3. Shopping for an imaginary or desired life. This sounds like this may be your weakness. But only a *few* things? Don't beat yourself up over this!!!

I am finally learning that if I don't wear something new within a month that I should return it, and always, always, always, to keep the tags on until the first wear and to try to keep the tags on during the first few hours of that first wear.

I probably learn more from my mistakes than my successes.

UmmLila (Lisa)

Veteran

Nishaa, please do not allow yourself to say something is a stupid question. If you need advice, it's not stupid to ask.

It's best to pass things along earlier rather than later -- whether by donation, consignment or whatever makes you feel best.

And it's funny about kkards' screen name. I always thought it meant she liked cardigans. I guess that speaks to my fashion sensibilities

Anonymous

I'm still making gobs of mistakes!
And the mistakes I make, I make over and over again. It takes a while to register.

Anyway, I think that for a few of these things, you need to hang onto them, because it doesn't sound like you're emotionally ready to let go.
As long as you are not overrun by these kept items, I think you're ok.

I agree with vildy that purging helps a lot to hone your buying skills. I also agree with suz that purging is so much easier if you do it frequently. I purge about twice a year too.

Staysfit

Veteran

I have learned that it's better to give away, donate, or sell these items. I am getting better at identifying what works well for me. I forgive myself for being imperfect. There is no way that I will pick only the correct items for myself each time, so I allow leeway for trying the best I can, and working constantly to improve. That means I may occasionally make a purchase that doesn't work out, that is environmentally unsound, that is for my fantasy life not my real life, etc. The more compassion I show myself, the fewer mistakes I make, and the easier it is to find a way to deal with them. I hope you find a way to show yourself this compassion and forgive yourself. Learn something from this, then let go, and move on.....

Nishaa

DonnaF you are a genius .. Yes, husband. Hates to shop with my fussy criterias and will happily buy me stuff. Some would call that lucky.. I know.

And yes, I already said that.. If I could live my whole life at a beach.. But...so many beach cover ups. Just gave 4 to my niece.. Still have 2. Not ready to part with.

I just am very restless when I see stuff lying around unused. I like it to go away. But I have in past donated and regretted.. I've also found that sometimes I like stuff that I didn't or repurpose it to wear.. There's an asymmetric tunic which has seen many of these cycles.. But I wore it finally this month. So..

Oh kkards, I'll check thredup, thank you...
Suz, There's no selling .. I'll happily gift to YLF.