"Smile!" - YouLookFab Forum

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"Smile!"

Emily

Veteran

While I was walking across the street today to run an errand, thinking about I don't remember what, some dude told me to smile. I don't mean that he suggested in a friendly manner that I should cheer up, which would still be irritating, I mean that he barked the word "Smile!" at me as I walked past him. I responded reflexively with a smirk. I like to think I raised an eyebrow, but if I did, it was probably more out of surprise than annoyance.

Who on earth presumes to tell a complete stranger how to arrange their face?!

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27 replies

Latest reply was from Emily

fern

Veteran

Besides being incredibly intrusive, it is a command which does not get directed at men. So I guess the answer is sexist jerks who can't mind their own business.

(This came out really harsh... oh well)

Diana

Veteran

Ugh, I hate it when that happens. You have my sympathies. I usually end up throwing them my best dirty look.

Although I must admit that I kind of wished someone had said that to me when I had Bell's Palsy (three times!) so that I could have flashed them my awful one-sided grimace and been all, "you have no idea what you are asking for. Some of us literally CAN'T SMILE, jerk." Never happened though!

Jules

Veteran

Yeah, I used to hate this. I don't get it now that I'm older and don't miss it. I saw a great pictorial/comic recently on my facebook feed, explaining to men why street harassment is a problem, and it included the whole "smile" thing along with the more overtly sexual/sexist stuff. Can't find it right now though, sorry.

On top of the obvious feminist/human reasons to hate this, it also used to make me viscerally upset at times. Here I was minding my business and doing my thing, and might even have been feeling quite happy (which was not always the case), and someone would randomly call me out for not looking right to them? It was a downer.

Beth Ann

Veteran

Women are not on earth to be pretty and pleasant for passers-by. Our faces can express many things, and, unless you're being uncivil, it was the barking man who was rude. I will admit, however, that I've been thinking about this recently. I've noticed that, as I
get older, my face can settle into an unhappy semi-scowl without my knowledge. I've been working on cultivating a pleasant "neutral" face.

JAileen

Veteran

I don't get this anymore, but I used to and I wanted to tell those stupid jerks off. If I were you I'd say something like, "I don't think my grandmother's death is anything to smile about, but thanks."

Gigi

Veteran

Yeah, I've had this happen, and it's rude. If the guy really wanted to lighten up your day, he should have said, "Good morning!" in a very friendly voice and flashed you a big smile. I'll bet that would have gotten your attention in a much better way.

Mochi

Veteran

It's never happened to me personally (I must be invisible), but yes, I've heard about it. Also it's common for men to make comments on what we're eating, and on whether we should be eating such and such. I'd first assumed this was only for the women who were overweight, but apparently it's even directed at women who are thin. Jeez, there is a huge segment of the population that needs some serious reeducation.

rachylou

Veteran

I saw that Jules, it was the first thing I thought of: http://www.robot-hugs.com/harassment/

Janet

(website)

Veteran

Ugh, I got that from time to time when I was younger, and back then I actually sometimes heeded it. But not if I was barked at. I'm not so eager to please strangers anymore. Men seem to say this to younger women, for some reason. Grrr.

Like Beth Ann, I am aware that my relaxed face can look downright unhappy as I'm aging. Yes, I have Bitchy Resting Face. So I do try to walk around with a slightly more pleasant expression, but I'm sure not going to go about my day grinning like a damn fool to please some stranger.

doubleh

Veteran

This: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=l_1FbjuJp4E
(PS- my 5 yr old is sitting next to me, so I watched this on mute just to be sure there were no expletives. If my lipreading is ok, there wasn't. If so, I apologize!)

jasmine

There's a really interesting art project by Tatyana Fazlalizadeh that deals with this very thing:

http://stoptellingwomentosmile.com/About

http://stoptellingwomentosmile.....favorite-s (examples of some of her work)

catgirl

Veteran

Hate this. However, I do believe I have "resting b*tch face" and I'm okay with that. <---- there's a smile though

Aziraphale

Veteran

Ugh. Yep, that's street harassment. It's related to wolf whistles, catcalls, or -- at the other end of the spectrum -- body insults and fat shaming. If a guy tells you to smile, the correct response is not for you, douchebag.

OK, I'm kidding, I wouldn't say that out loud. That's inviting trouble. I think it in my head, though. There's a whole load of information available about street harassment. Men are not subjected to it. It might help to remember that the men who harass women on the street are insecure and ignorant.

ironkurtin

Veteran

After years of riding the NYC subway, I like to think my face tells anyone who wants to mess with me to die painfully. Maybe that's "active bitchface"?

Deborah

Veteran

Like some of you mention, I am aware that my resting face can look a little too serious:) But I find that people who say things like that, in the manner that the man did are sometimes a little challenged in life themselves. Not making excuses but sometimes it is 'unwell' people who feel it's ok to express themselves in that manner. Emily, keep in mind I am a community worker and spend quite a bit of time with the vulnerable and less loveable members of our community Sorry that happened to you, but I would just let it go. From what I know of you, you are a beautiful and lovely person, and while you should certainly not be disrespected in this way, I would just let it go.

Laura (rhubarbgirl)

(website)

Veteran

Lol, active bitch face...

Lord, I hate it when men (and it's always men) do this. Like several of you, it seems to be happening less frequently as I've gotten a little older (and doesn't that just encapsulate the power dynamics involved!). I think society in general is gradually moving away from this sort of thing and realizing it's creepy, thank goodness.

Deborah, you're right that a lot of people with less than stellar social interaction skills seem to fall back onto these sorts of weird things to say, and it's not really worth it confronting them about it, because you're just going to cause more distress. I once had an older gentleman engage me in conversation about how I'd be so pretty if I just lost weight. Ok, creepy guy I don't know on the street, I'll just discuss that with you in public, leaving aside it's none of your freaking business what I look like or how much I weigh! Sigh.

Suz

(website)

Veteran

Ugh. Just UGH!! I hate this.

No wonder you were upset. It's so annoying.

jackiec

Veteran

I HATE this. My relaxed expression is always naturally a frown, unfortunately (just like my dad), so I've gotten this before. No better way to set me straight into a rage.

Know what else I hate? Boy, you look so TIRED.

abc

Veteran

Omg!! I'm not alone! I suffer from resting bitch face too. So Beth Ann what are you doing to combat this? I need secrets, people ...

Oh and Emily, I'm sorry someone felt compelled to bark at you on the street. Some people are just ... Biting my tongue.

Waiting on bitchyface reversal secrets!!

Neel

Veteran

Please let me take the title of Queen of the Resting Bitch Face Parade!

And as about the comment .... It screams sexist. I would just stare at him until he burns. Lol!

JamC

Veteran

Emily, That must have felt so uncomfortable! Rachylou's robot hugs says it all.

Glory

Veteran

You should have growled at him!!!!

texstyle

(website)

Veteran

I think I have the opposite problem. Or had when I was younger. I used to be asked a lot "What are you smiling about?" Just as annoying I might add. I guess I had resting smile face. lol. Seriously. I think I learned it from reading too many fashion mags as a teen. Smiling was really pushed. I remember reading that if you smile a lot you'll get smile wrinkles instead of frown wrinkles. So I thought it would work. I can't vouch for the scientific effectiveness as aging still seems to utilize gravity.

It would be great to have a really good line to come back with if someone says this to you. So I looked it up to see if I could find any.

Seems like a lot of women in particular are really irked by this.

http://www.thegloss.com/2010/1.....-to-smile/

http://www.xojane.com/relation.....l-me-smile

Thistle

Veteran

I am so sorry this happened to you.

Honestly, I would just let it go and move on. You can't control the jerks in this world, but no use dwelling.

Others have already commented on how sexist it is, and how clearly it is a power play by men against women. In my opinion, you did the right thing to keep walking. He didn't deserve another moment of your time or thoughts.

I am okay with "resting b!tch face". Gets across my general desire to be left alone.

Runcarla

Veteran

LOL! This made my day (though I'm sorry for folks that have to deal with this kind of stuff). Hard work has kept my body from ruin, but fair skin, light hair (no brows or lash definition) and Rosacea have not been kind to my face.

Love the term 'resting b!$* face'. I'm in the club.

Adelfa

Veteran

I have RBF too. Today during a meeting I didn't smile when people thought I should and boy did I hear about it! This is different because it's colleagues and not a stranger. But man oh man.

Emily

Veteran

Thanks all for the humour and wisdom! I like the comics and videos

Amusingly, when I mentioned what happened to DH when I got home, he looked confused. He was genuinely surprised when I mentioned that it had happened before. You know, I honestly do not think I have a resting bitch face! I admit that I have put some work into cultivating a pleasant semi-smiling resting expression, for better or worse. Not that it matters. It's my face and I'll do what I want with it.

Lol @ironkurtin, I like the idea of an active bitch face, it seems like a tool that would come in handy every so often

... and of course it is not worth dwelling on, the situation just grated my nerves a little on that particular day. As @Deborah so compassionately suggests, I suspect that Mr. Smile! was not entirely in his right mind. Onward.