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Shopping draining?

anne

Veteran

I have many advantages at the moment; a job with flexitime, a short commute (15-25 mins) a husband who does the grocery shopping, afterschool pickup, homework supervision and dinner prep on weekdays, kids who aren't toddlers and who can help out quite a lot and even a cleaner 2 hours a week (a present).

And yet I feel that I don't have much spare time and when I do, the last thing I want to do is go shopping! I find it so draining. I try to have sat afternoons as free time if we don't have a social event, and like do things like go on a family walk, read, lie around a bit (maybe snooze) or play games with the kids.

I know a few of you don't much enjoy shopping (Peri and Gigi come to mind) but the majority do. If you one spare afternoon in the week, would you be revitalized by spending that afternoon at the shops, or is this only relaxing if you have other time to do the sort of things I mentioned above?

Shopping

33 replies

Latest reply was from Gigi

cloud9

Veteran

I find window shopping as a form of relaxation, to get away from daily grinds. I like to do this like every month or two, or three. Of course some items magically jump into my shopping cart at times...

That said, if I feel I NEED to shop for something, and busy, I do feel a bit stressed. Get drained if I can't find the items and had to jump between stores.

I find that Friday evenings are good for my shopping excursions. Kids have no homework, even if they do, won't touch it on Friday night. It's usually the wind-down-the-week night and kids can play videos/iPads (big kids included). And I'd like to get out of the house and take a walk (in the mall where it's bright and safe, yeah that's my rationale, lol).

ETA that I only shop for a couple hours. If I had to shop for an entire afternoon, i would feel too tiring/draining.

Suz

(website)

Veteran

Shopping is most draining for me when I feel I have to do it to fill genuine wardrobe holes.

I tend to online shop for the most part simply because there is little to be had where I live. And this is less draining.

I don't find shopping relaxing, though. It might be fun in the right circumstances (going with friends, going with money in pocket and no absolute needs but an open mind, going in the big city vs. where I live). But fun and relaxing are not exactly the same for me.

anne

Veteran

Weirdly, for me, walking in a mall is way more tiring than walking out of doors. I think it is because of the crowds and the constant stimulation. Of course I live in mild enough weather to be able to do that year around (unless it is raining) and I don't do it every weekend.
I can stand a bit over an hour in malls etc on Sat morning when I am in errand mode and especially if I am not trying to buy anything.

Fri nights all I want to do is watch a DVD and have an early night. That said I do enjoy the occasional night out and get a second wind, just I never think that that is what I want beforehand.

Shops here only open one night a week

Anonymous

What Suz said

anne

Veteran

Suz - I don't find it either fun or relaxing for the most part! But it was the relaxing bit I was focusing on here.

Suz

(website)

Veteran

Oh, I hate mall shopping! Hate it!

The only thing that makes it bearable is going with YLF friends.

Seriously -- even when I shop I try to do it in downtown areas where I am walking outdoors between stores. If I do have to shop in a mall, I try to do it in the morning, and preferably on a weekday. This is what flextime is for!

I far prefer walking outside. And yes, malls (and even shops) are overstimulating. Ditto the crowds. Especially if you work in a "front-facing" job.

Again, this is why online shopping works better for me.

I meant to add, it's most draining to be looking for something that I NEED when I'm not able to find it. Or can only find it at prices I cannot afford.

Aziraphale

Veteran

I have mixed feelings about shopping. It can be VERY draining -- I agree! -- under the wrong conditions. But it can be all kinds of fun under the right ones!

Bad conditions that add up to a miserable shopping experience:
- crowded malls
- pushy salespeople
- bargain-hunting/trying to find nice items with very limited money to spend
- cluttered racks of clothes, poorly laid-out stores
- fluorescent lighting
- long hours of looking for something you desperately need but can't find!
- bringing small children with you

Good conditions:
- quiet malls with natural lighting
- outdoor shopping areas
- attentive but unobtrusive salespeople
- shopping alone or with like-minded friends
- shopping for something you want but don't need
- relatively short shopping time (I can manage three hours at best!)
- not having to dig through sales racks

And of course, if you find an item or two that you love, it's super fun! For me, shopping is secondary to HAVING a new item that I can't wait to wear.

Elizabeth P

Veteran

I really don't care for b&m shopping. At ALL. Esp in big stores, or malls. In the past, I'd go into two or three stores I liked - usually boutiques - and buy what I liked and that fit. And I'd do this 3-4 times a year - beginning of the season, and sale time. If they had nothing, I waited until next year. If they had something I really liked, I bought it in two colours. This is where I developed my pattern of buying orphans, and if I ever actually NEED something specific... shudder.

Fastforward... the online world. This is wonderful to me, I can be a lemming, then shop from the comfort of my bed, and try on at home with all the rest of my clothes. And get advice from my friends all over the world :). This is worth paying shipping sometimes, and yes, even duties.

The problem is.... I need to break this habit of buying what I like when I shop! Now it's 3-4 times a WEEK that I am looking! I have built a ton of stuff over the past couple of years, now it's time to concentrate on shifting my habits, enjoying the clothes I have, practicing PPP, defining my style, all those things.

RoseandJoan

Veteran

Hi Anne

I find shopping relaxing if I allow myself a couple of hours and include other activities. I really enjoy visting the library, popping into a couple of favourite stores before heading to a coffee shop for a cortado and a delve into the library book. I do this about once a month and maybe purchase something once every two to three months. Most of my real shopping is now done via click and collect services online which feels more like an erand than therapy tbh.

Suz

(website)

Veteran

What Aziriphale said! She nailed it.

And what ElizabethP said, too!

Peri

Veteran

So funny you mentioned me, because when I saw your title my first thought was "heck, yeah". (Confession, that's the cleaned up version!)

It isn't quite as overwhelming as it was 6 months ago, thanks to you all, but it still isn't something I do for fun.

LadyGeek

Shopping malls are all the same: borrrrrrring Zzzzzzzz. No wonder we get tired!

Anonymous

I usually love shopping and find it relaxing, but lately it has been both exhausting and draining. I think it's the heat. When I feel uninspired like this, it's best for me to just wait until the weather starts to change a bit and I feel more invigorated. Then I tend to be in a better state of mind and I'm more likely to have success.

Transcona Shannon

Veteran

I actually really enjoy shopping - both window shopping/browsing and actual shopping when I'm looking for something specific. But do I find it relaxing? Nope. I never go shopping when I'm feeling tired or hungry. Bad decisions get made and I get annoyed too easily. I need to feel energized before I even go.

I do a great deal of my shopping online these days - especially since I'm purchasing from eBay. This is more convenient. But I do like brick and mortar stores where I can feel the fabric, see how something hangs, that sort of thing. And buying online means a lot more returns - which IMHO is WAY more of a hassle than shopping in a real life store would have been from the beginning.

Laura (rhubarbgirl)

(website)

Veteran

I agree with Shannon (and Suz); I find b&m shopping entertaining at times, enjoyable at times, but not really relaxing in the traditional sense. The most relaxing would be at a thrift store, just browsing, with nothing I really must find and plenty of time to do it. Urgency, excessive crowds, etc. suck all the fun out of it.

I actually really like malls, as opposed to strip malls or separate stores - too much driving around and trying to find parking. In my new town there are a lot of 'shopping centers' that are glorified strip malls, except there are several strips going each direction in a huge half-mile block, so you can't really expect to walk to all the stores without moving your car (or getting nearly run over by someone else's car, if you do try to walk!). At least with a 'proper' mall you can park once and be done with it. Or a walkable city area with shops is lovely as well, assuming there's parking or transit available nearby.

E

Veteran

I can't stand malls, or mall parking lots, so I don't enjoy that type of shopping. I do love thrifting, because it feels more like a treasure hunt: there's always a ton of stuff on offer, and it's up to my eyes & fingers to find the good bits. I'm quite tactile, so I love being able to touch all the different fabrics. Also, mine are arranged by colour, which I find soothing. But even with thrifting, after a couple of hours of the terrible lighting, I'm definitely done. If I only had one spare afternoon, I'd definitely spend it reading and walking/spending time outdoors.

I do enjoy popping into boutiques/antique stores/used bookstores/art galleries/etc. when I'm travelling, as I enjoy those quirky, aesthetically pleasing indie stores, but my city is pretty much big box or nothing.

DonnaF

Veteran

I have to be in the mood to shop at brick'n'mortar stores. I prefer to order online, then return in person and take a few extra minutes to browse. Otherwise, it is just too overwhelming and frustrating. This December, I will be taking DD shopping to replace her pea coat. I may order a few online as I am not thrilled about going from store to store, but I prefer shopping for her than to be frustrated looking for something for myself. I am hoping I can wear something I already own to her college graduation in 2016 as event specific shopping is the worst!

Anonymous

I enjoy shopping online when I have free time (usually at odd hours when unable to sleep or in between tasks) much more than in a brick and mortar store. Partly because with health issues, I never know where my energy level will be or when it will nose dive and partly because I don't enjoy crowded shopping centers. I can cover much more 'ground' and seek out specifics more easily online. So, in many instances ... I find it draining too.

anne

Veteran

Thanks for all the great responses while I was sleeping! Will respond more later but for now, Suz love the flexitime idea!

MRL

Veteran

Shopping is very draining for me. In a perfect world, the clothing I like would simply appear in my closet! I do better if I know what I am looking for and where to find it, so I do a lot of pre-shopping "scouting" on line. I also prefer to shop alone and have about a 2 hour maximum. This would not be so bad if I didn't like fashion, but....:)

Lyn D.

Veteran

No, not relaxing for me!
More stimulating- the thrill of the chase and hopefully finding what I was after, or ruling out something I saw on-line but IRL isn't going to work.
This forum is relaxing, and 'playing in my closet' too

anne

Veteran

I am so sorry that I have taken so long to respond. Life has been crazy at the moment.
Suz - I had never thought about using flexitime to shop and I am SERIOUSLY considering this for when I start my summer shopping. DH thought it a good idea too.

Arizaphale - spot on!

Elizabeth P = currently you are the opposite of me but I think you understand where I am at. I don't find online shopping relaxing. I DID used to find looking at print catalogues relaxing though, and got tempted to buy (but I cancelled them when I moved to an urban area because I got tired of the disappointment and the return shipping costs)

Jules - I love your version of shopping - book and cafe heavy morning out is much more up my alley! I did actually do more of that type of thing in the past and even up to a couple of months ago when I was working in the city and would browse in the city shops every week or two in my lunchbreak.

E - I find thrift shops a bit much. I don't like the disorder and the need to search out sizes etc. I have had some good finds though, and may look again now I am in the city and can have a look at some urban ones that may have better stock.

All the rest - seems lots of you like shopping but not that many find it relaxing. I think E was the only one who answered my question re - if you had one afternoon a week to relax would you spend it shopping! She wouldn't and I wouldn't!

Anonymous

You can add me to the not choosing to shop on the one afternoon to relax , too!

Lantana

Veteran

I would have said no, I wouldn't find a free afternoon spent relaxing but that would apply to city shopping. A couple of weeks ago I discovered an appealing alternative that did provide a relaxing shopping experience. It's a big regional town, still a 2-3 hour drive away from home, as is the city, but it exudes such a different atmosphere. There are half a dozen clothing shops ranging from middle of the road to high end apparel. The staff werewithout exception warmly courteous. All the shops are within easy walking distance of each other and interspersed with the refuges of cafes, homeware stores and a bookstore. I spent a few days there with friends and decided I would much prefer to focus my b and m shopping in that town rather than on the state capital.
Having said all that, if I found myself with a "free" afternoon I would wonder whose life I had dropped into!

shiny

Veteran

When I had your advantages, Anne, this was my strategy:

1. Never go to the mall on a weekend -- too crowded and chaotic.

2. Slip out to the mall early in the morning, just as the stores were opening while kids were at school and before my job started, for just one hour or so. When you are pretty much the only person at the store, you get undivided attention from the sales people. I got to know some on first name basis, and learned when, for example, BR rec'd their weekly shipments (Tuesdays) so I'd get the first pick.

3. Alternatively hit the mall or shops while kids were at their after school activities. For example, drop kid off at music lesson, hit a *single* store, set alarm on phone so I gave myself plenty of time to leave the shop and get back in time for pickup.

4. I'd average once a week, sometimes twice, but I'd hit only a single store at a time. I'd check online before going, so I'd have a mission, but also be open to surprises (for example my local BR would often get their shipments in store before they appeared online).

5. The more often you go to your favorites, the more you learn their stock too, so each trip gets more efficient, since you only have to focus on what's new, or what is now on sale that you left behind before. And the more frequently-yet-quicker trips are far less exhausting.

I could do all this because I am in an urban area so I am just minutes to a variety of stores, with parking that is not a nightmare.

Nowadays it's a lot different and I miss those days! My life has taken a shift. Kids are in college, so I'm not trying to kill time while they are in their activities. I have a new job that while still work-from-home, starts at normal 8-9 AM time, not noon. As a plus it does tend to end at a normal time (5-6 pm) but by then I'm just too exhausted to want to go shopping, and the stores are more crowded too. And finally, and worse of all, more and more stores are shifting their petite offerings to online only... they call them "online exclusives"... so this means even when I do have an hour to spare, there's nothing that fits me.

These days, I'm resigned to more and more online shopping and less and less B&M. I am traveling a lot for business so I am finding it a relaxing pastime to online shop in my hotel room before bed, or while killing time in the airport. Otherwise, I'm more resigned to having to shop with the masses on the weekends, for long marathon stretches.

Appreciate your advantages while you can!!!

shiny

Veteran

If I had one afternoon a week to relax, which is very often the case these days, NO I would not spend it on shopping! I am so exhausted lately, with all the traveling & other stress. If I have free time during the week, I just want to unplug and chill out. And when I have downtime on the weekends I do not want to spend it at the mall shopping. I would far rather spend the weekend with my hubby, who hates to shop!

That said, I spent a whole afternoon last weekend at the mall by myself -- because I had to. When you have to, it's just not as fun. I hit pretty much every store you can imagine, a thorough search mission ... and walked out with nothing. Frustrating.

Laura (rhubarbgirl)

(website)

Veteran

I agree with shiny, being able to shop during the weekday, particularly in the morning, is so wonderful. Less crowds, less issue parking, less standing in line. If I go back to a regular office job, I'd probably try to take off one day every few months just to be able to do a 'search and destroy' shopping trip.

But no, if I had only one afternoon a week to do my own stuff, I probably wouldn't go shopping. I might go to a nearby freestanding chain store (for me Kohls or Target, most likely) and pick up any desperately needed basics, and do the rest of my shopping online, saving the mall trips for once a season at most.

Thistle

Veteran

I echo what Suz and the others have said. I do not like shopping. I try to buy most things online and have them delivered. I try them on at home and usually return via mail.

I have a toddler and work full time, so I would rather spend weekends with her (she is curled up on my lap now) than shopping.

I sorta wish an awesome, well curated wardrobe would just magically appear in my closet.

anne

Veteran

Penny, I may have unintentionally talked up the "free afternoon" a little. Yesterday's free afternoon was spent playing Risk with 2 older girls (til they got bored after 3+ hours) and in little gaps of that, doing 2 loads of washing and troubleshooting the younger girls attempts to clean the car out and also cooking tea. Since I went back to work full time I really enjoy being at home.

Your regional town sounds nice (though strangely similar to the regional town I just moved from, which I didn't feel offered that much in the way of shopping options)

Shiny, I always enjoy your detailed responses on the forum and hope everyone else reading them learns from you too! I do often shop during the one extra curricular activity I take a child too (on Sat morning, early enough to be able to easily park at the mall) The other 2 girls are getting pretty keen on coming along too though!

I really like the idea that you, Laura and Suz suggested of slipping to the shops early in the morning some time midweek. I can't do it every week or every fortnight though - maybe every 6 weeks. Most of my flexitime is used up in going to kid's assemblies, picking them up on the odd occasion when DH can't make it, going the gym at lunch occasionally etc (and also to be honest, often in leaving a little early on Friday afternoons!) I still have to put in a proper week of work and be there at various set times some of the time.

Thistle I so agree with you on wishing a well curated wardrobe would just magically appear!! And also with not wanting to spend Saturday time away from my three daughters since I work ft as well (and am very occupied with church on Sunday).

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